Fool Me Twice

Buffy's PoV

Buffy was planning to meet Angel at Forest Lawn cemetery in Glendale, that if you didn't know any better you would have said looked like a golf course. The two of them had met here the summer after Buffy had defeated the Master, as Angel had been worried about Buffy going to L.A. by herself after she'd been so emotional after dying.

And though Buffy had been furious that Angel had thought she wouldn't be able to handle herself, that choice of his had ended up saving her life. The car Buffy and her dad had been in on the way to L.A. had broken down near that cemetery in the evening, and Hank Summers had decided to trek back to where he'd thought he'd remembered seeing a payphone to try and call for help. And Buffy, still feeling somewhat out of it, had just let him go without her.

It was then that she'd been attacked by a group of vampires, who had sensed the Slayer was near and opted to try and have a lucky day while she was crying… until Angel showed up on the scene to help her defeat the few who had overwhelmed her.

Then, after Buffy had dried her tears and promised herself she didn't look much like a wreck anymore, she'd decided to have a moment with her crush on the green while she waited for her dad to come back. But even at that time-though she hadn't had her major bitch moment yet, as she'd later think of it—Buffy had already been thinking about possibly breaking Angel's heart, because she didn't know what to do with a possible vampire boyfriend. Not when a vampire had already killed her.

And by the time her father finally made it back onto the scene, Angel was long gone and Buffy crawled back into the car with her daddy, ready to start her vacation.

But it was at that same old graveyard that Buffy was hoping to see Angel at now, just longing to be in his presence again and praying that he could stop the pain she'd been feeling since she'd been resurrected, and make her feel… something.

Buffy sat under an impressive oak tree, with roots almost bigger than she was, as she waited for darkness to finally come upon the city. Perhaps she should have waited for it to have been night before she got here, she thought, but she hadn't been able to stay at home another second. She was just so eager to see Angel.

While she waited for him to finally be able to make his appearance, the Slayer found herself doodling in the dirt with a stick. She wrote "Buffy & Angel" and then drew a heart around their names, somewhat similarly to some of the things she'd wrote in her notebooks when she was in high school. But it didn't escape her notice that she hadn't written "forever" this time. Because she couldn't be sure about that, could she? She couldn't be sure of anything. And so, the blonde swiftly crossed the whole thing out.

And just as she did that, she saw headlights on the horizon and a form she would always love climbing out of the black convertible that had just parked. He looked gorgeous—as he came strolling towards her with love and intent clear to see on his face, and Buffy knew that she would always love him.

She wondered now if he meant to kiss her… She thought that he might. And she had some sort of flash of him walking towards her assuredly and kissing her, even if Buffy couldn't quite understand why. And the Slayer wasn't even sure if she was ready to be kissed by Angel yet, if Angel were to truly go for it now—which was blasphemy, and she knew it well! Angel kisses were one of the wonders of the world… right?—so she found herself relieved when he halted his stride, ran a gentle hand down her arm, and then pulled her into a gentle embrace.

"Buffy… Oh my God! I can't believe you're real. I- I love you. I have no right to say that, I know it. And I'm sorry that I wasn't there with you to fight alongside you. To save you. But I need you to know that I love you. I swear it."

"Angel, that means… more to me than you'll ever know," Buffy started, putting a hand up to halt his words, that suddenly had Buffy feeling like she was underwater. It was just too much, too soon. "I just can't-"

Understanding alighted Angel's eyes then. And though he did move to kiss the hand Buffy had lifted, he did so slowly—so she had time to move away, if she wished it—and with caution-filled eyes, so she knew that he'd understood everything she'd just said. "I'm overwhelming you. I'm sorry. We can go at whatever pace you need, Buffy. Whatever you need."

Buffy sighed in relief. And then, took in a deep breath to fill herself with the beautiful scent of Angel: something she'd missed even when she was in that place that she didn't want to think about right now. Buffy had always wondered what it was about Angel that allowed him to smell so good to her, when every other vampire tasted like a rotting corpse to her senses. The only thing she could figure was that it had to do with his beautiful soul shining through: a beautiful soul that she very much needed to be with right now.

"Can you just hold me, Angel?" Buffy pleaded, already finding her favorite spot with her head against his shoulder, even before he'd given her his answer.

"I would like nothing more than that, Buffy," he promised her, as he moved them so that they were sitting with her half in his lap, so that she was even more comfortable.

Angel petted her hair for a long time—and Buffy could almost imagine that his heart was beating, he found such a perfect rhythm to do so—and he kissed her head once before asking, "Is there anything you want to talk about at all? It doesn't have to be about where you were, or what it's like being back, Buffy. It doesn't even have to be about the Hellmouth. If you want me to, I can try to talk about Cosmo, if you'd like. Or if you'd still like to be silent, that's fine, too. I'm here for you, mo grá," and I always will be."

Despite herself, Buffy laughed slightly: a sound she'd never thought she'd hear from herself again. "I'm sure that Cordy has copies of Cosmo all around the hotel, huh? So, tell me, Angel, what do you think makes me sexier without having to have sex to achieve said sexiness: wearing perfume, high heels, or lingerie?" Buffy joked. Angel may have been a vampire, but he was still a man, of course. He would surely pick the third option. If he picked anything at all, which Buffy doubted he would. This whole conversation was a landmine for them, after all, and Buffy knew that Angel would find a way out of it… as he should, Buffy had to acknowledge with a broken heart. She just hadn't been able to avoid ribbing him when he, of all people, suggested talking about Cosmo with her.

But Angel surprised her, as he ducked his head away from her and whispered, "…Your perfume, Buffy. I've never been able to get enough of your vanilla scent."

Huh. Well, you learned something new every day. Not that the information would do them any good—it couldn't—but Buffy was definitely feeling great about her choice of favorite fragrance now. At least that was one thing to feel something about in this awful world…

Though was it unfair to feel that way? Buffy tried to demand of herself. As unhappy as Buffy was to be back, she supposed she understood why her friends would think she was in Hell, when she'd been killed by jumping into the Hell that was being summoned to Earth by Glory's ritual.

Buffy's loved ones had acted to save her… in a completely misplaced way, of course, but they had acted out of love. And Angel, here, was most definitely acting in love, Buffy could see. He was trying to give her anything she needed… getting out of his comfort zone, and probably even thinking how she'd had sex with other guys (when she'd brought up sexiness), and not being super jealous for a change. Could she also be a bigger person here and tell her where she'd been? Even though it felt like her own soul was being ripped out to even try and utter the words?

"Buffy?" Angel asked, no doubt in having noticed that she'd grown quiet. "Are you starting to go to sleep on me? We can-"

"Angel… the gang didn't rescue me from Hell. They- they pulled me out of somewhere… else," Buffy whispered, barely even able to hear her own words from how quietly she'd said them in her pain, and she knew that if Angel hadn't had preternatural hearing, he never would have caught that at all.

He'd gone ridged against her the moment she'd spoken. And Buffy knew it was willpower alone that was allowing him to keep up this guise of calm, and to not vamp out. "Pulled you out? Pulled you out from where?"

This was the moment of truth. She had to tell him. It was what she been building up to, after all. And there was only one answer she could possibly say.

Her soulmate, more than anyone, deserved to know what she'd been through. And in her heart of hearts, Buffy knew that despite the fact their experiences were not the same, if anyone could help her through everything so she could eventually forgive her family, it was him.

So why was it when Buffy opened her mouth to explain that she'd been in Heaven, that wasn't what came out and instead she lied and said, "Limbo. I was in Limbo."?

Angel was quiet for a long time. And for a moment, Buffy had to wonder if she'd broken him. Only belatedly did she remember that Angel had been Catholic during his human life. So, had her lie done something to completely change the way he saw the world? Quite possibly, she cursed herself. Or was it that he knew how full of shit she was, and was about to tell her so?

"Angel-" Buffy started, trying to see if maybe she could find the strength to tell him the truth, after all. She still had no idea what had gone wrong in her first attempt…

"Buffy, I am so sorry," Angel said, whilst he suddenly crushed her in a bear hug.

And though Buffy was never one to say "no" to hugs from this vampire—they made her feel so safe and loved—she was most definitely confused. Why was he almost acting like this was worse than if she'd been in Hell?

"Angel, what-"

"If there's a Purgatory than there must be a Heaven, too! I'd given up on such ideas… but damnit! Your story proves it, Buffy. And you deserved to be there. And I- I should have prayed you out of there! I should have guessed you were in Limbo, so I failed you again. I can't tell you how sorry I am, Buffy."

Did Catholics believe that one could be prayed out of Limbo? Buffy knew that Angel had been Catholic as a human, but she didn't know much about religion at all. And not wanting to add more guilt to Angel's shoulders that he didn't deserve here, she quickly tried to turn the conversation back around.

"Oh. I actually am not sure about that part of it, Angel. What I was getting at was, umm-"

"How Limbo must have been so confusing for your senses?" Angel tried to guess, looking at her with nothing but sympathy. "I mean, I'm sure there were Hellish aspects that you're glad to be away from. But it's the in-between, so are there are also good things, like Heaven has, that might make you want to stay and strive for Heaven? And I… imagine one could regret being taken away from that. I'm sorry, baby."

Well, that wasn't what had happened to her, but maybe it was close enough. Though she hadn't intended to, she'd somehow already lied enough about this, that Buffy she didn't want to take it all back and have Angel hate her.

(Though how could Angel—who was usually so good at reading her, and called her a bad liar more than once—not notice that she was being less than truthful now? A little bitter voice in the back of her head couldn't help asking.)

So Buffy nodded her head slowly at first, but then with more enthusiasm—as if she was really taking in what Angel was saying, before deciding that he'd summed it up perfectly. "You got it, Angel. Being taken away from something… like Heaven. I hate it. I hate it so much." At least this part was the truth, Buffy thought, as a single tear slid down from her lashes.

Angel gasped. And for a second, Buffy had no idea why. She was about to ask about that, too, but then she thought she understood it. Right. She had made sure she hadn't cried around him when he had lost his soul. And while there were certainly times that she was vulnerable with him—him more than anyone else—Buffy as a whole still didn't cry in front of others, if she could help it. She must have looked so weak to him right now. And if she could have staked herself, she would have.

"Everything just gets taken away from you, doesn't it?" Angel asked. Though it sounded like he was moreso asking himself this than her. And Buffy was glad that that was the case; she didn't trust herself to speak now, anyway. She didn't want to add to her pathetic little pity party. "No more, Buffy. And I'm not going to be a part of that equation anymore, either. I don't know how we'll work it out, but we will… I'm tired of us—of you—being in this land of question marks. If you'll take me back, I want to be with you, Buffy."

Buffy pulled away from Angel as if she'd been burned. And she had to stand up so she could see his face better, from where he remained sitting. This was… this was her dream come true. But she couldn't believe that Angel was finally offering it to her. And would he have, if she'd told him the truth that she'd been in Heaven instead of this Purgatory? She supposed she'd never know.

"What are you saying?" Buffy demanded, her arms now crossed over her chest so that he hopefully wouldn't see, at least, how fast her heart was beating now. "You're going to be with me? Just like that? What about the curse?!"

Suddenly, Angel was all up in Buffy's business. And she loathed (loved) how much it turned her on. There was an undercurrent of danger to Angel now, and Buffy was once again forced to acknowledge that Dracula had actually been right when he'd talked about her darkness. "Forever was always the whole point with us… and I think I was always going to realize that eventually, but I'm glad I did so now. Are you complaining, Buffy?"

She was about to say something, but he'd put a finger to her lips to silence her. And Buffy would not think about times where she had done that to Angel (like the night they'd made love). She would not. "And about the curse… I don't think I can be happy when the girl I love has been taken from a place she's so confused about, and is confused in general. So what do you say, lover? I want my life to be with you. What about you?"

Buffy was definitely tempted to slap Angel for saying that to her. And, in fact, her hand might have even been rising to do so, since she was such a mix of emotions since coming back from Heaven. But more than anything, she was feeling something—was it close to happiness herself?—in having the dream she'd wanted since sixteen dangled in front of her face. So she instead gave Angel the hand he'd once placed a claddagh ring on, and let him kiss her finger, the way she once had his with his ring. Once he was done, she looked into his eyes and earnestly said, "I want my life to be with you."

If only it could have been that easy…

A few weeks later, the Scooby Gang were sitting in the Magic Box, after Dawn had gotten home from school. And though Buffy knew that they were really there for her (Buffy herself), to help her if there was anything that she needed—because they still saw her as so fragile since coming back—they acted like they were there for Dawn (and maybe they were, partly), if she needed help with her homework or anything like that.

And as wrong as it was, Buffy was glad for that lie. There was only so much that she could deal with right now... And Slaying, dealing with bills and trying to figure out money was a lot of that.

"So, at school today," Dawn was saying now, enthusiastically, pulling Buffy out of her depressed thoughts—and Buffy was glad for it, as well as a little bit amazed that someone could be enthusiastic about something, "they started teaching us about all of the different religions. And you know what's interesting? Apparently, in Christianity, you actually don't go to Hell initially if you go there, but somewhere called 'Hades'? And isn't that a crazy coincidence, with how the Greek god of death is named 'Hades?'"

"Those crazy religious inventors," Xander quipped while rolling his eyes And Buffy was on his side with all of it, honestly (even if she was glad that Dawn was having fun at school, so it would hopefully help her keep up her good grades). But Willow was quick to reprimand him with a "Xander!", and Buffy was reminded once again in that moment that Willow was Jewish—so she understood why Willow was probably offended by Xander poking fun at the god of the Abrahamic faiths, or religion at all—and then Willow went and sat across from Dawn, to apparently converse with her about the "thrilling" topic.

"Another coincidence, Dawnie," the redhead inserted, "is that a lot of people who subscribed to Greek mythology wanted to call Hera the 'Queen of Heaven.' But in the Abrahamic faiths, that made God mad since, you know, Heaven is supposed to just be His thing. And you do have to wonder why they were calling Hera the 'Queen of Heaven," and not 'Mt. Olympus,' or something like that…"

Oh, God. Heaven. They'd mentioned Heaven and it was… too much for Buffy, to put it lightly. She remembered well what she'd lost: how she'd been finished and complete—and so safe and loved—but her friends had brought her back here to this evil, cruel world to keep fighting their battles and it wasn't fair. Why couldn't they have let her rest?!

Even now, while she was reacting to Willow's story, Buffy knew she had to school herself immediately, before her friends saw her face and realized what they'd done. What she'd lost. And so she did.

But apparently, she hadn't done so fast enough, because Tara was saying, "W-Willow, honey, ixnay on cer-certain conversation topics?"

Willow seemed confused for a second, but then her eyes went wide as she immediately understood what Tara was trying to tell her. She seemed about to say something, but Anya interrupted her. "Yeah, seriously. Buffy kicked the bucket and was in Limbo, remember? We can't talk about the afterlife in front of her. And you know what? I get it. As awful as this dreary place called Earth can be, I might prefer to be there, too."

Everyone was groaning now, or putting their face in their palms, and only Dawn was asking Buffy if she was okay. She was decidedly not okay. But she had it in her to lie, anyway, "Yeah, I'm fine. And I swear you guys don't have to walk on eggshells around me." Another lie. "I'm just- I'm just going to go get some air."

And she walked outside without another word. Annoyingly, Spike followed after her. And with how quiet he'd been in the room, Buffy had almost forgotten he was there at all.

"Spike," Buffy said cuttingly, as she turned around to face him. "This is meant to be a private moment, so if you could-"

"Bloody hell, Slayer. You weren't in Limbo, were you? You were in Heaven! I saw your reaction to what Red was saying!"

Buffy wanted to try and lie and say that she wasn't, but she'd never been a good liar. She hadn't reacted fast enough, anyway. And the way that Spike's eyes widened now, to whatever her own reaction was, it was clear enough that he had his answer. So Buffy did the only thing she could do: threaten.

She pulled a stake out of her pocket and aimed it at Spike's heart. "I swear to God, Spike, if you tell them, I will finally finish the job and stake you. And none of your talk about 'how it wouldn't be just' will save you."

"Okay, okay, Slayer!" Spike cried, floundering some as he tried to bat the stake away from him. "You can get the deadly splinter away from me now… But I just have to know: why? Why lie to the little tykes about it at all?"

Sighing, Buffy stepped away from Spike and put her stake back into her pocket, before throwing her hands into the air. "Because it would kill them to know they'd pulled me out of Heaven, Spike, and- and brought me back to this hell. I- I couldn't do that to them. You might not be able to understand that, but I-"

"…That's not exactly what I was asking, luv Your friends thought you were in Hell originally, right? Why not just let them keep thinking that? Why complicate the lie, unless- you lied to Angel about this for some reason, didn't you, pet?" The vampire asked with the ugliest self-satisfied smile on his face that Buffy had ever seen.

"What? No!" Buffy tried to deny, even though, unfortunately, that was exactly how it was. But she didn't need Spike to get any grand ideas into his head. Or worse: to tell Angel the truth before she did. Especially since Spike "loved her," and might use this to his advantage to try and get her.

"Oh, this is too great. You did. And since you did, you then had to update things for your friends to have a consistent story. You sure are lying to Angel a lot lately, luv. I know about his place in your life again—and might I say, I despise it—and keep well out of your way when he's here. But he doesn't even know about me or this bloody chip. One has to wonder why… And how he didn't deduce like I did that you could only have ever been in Heaven. Isn't the wanker supposed to be a detective?"

"If this is going to be some lame attempt of yours to say you know me better and I should be with you, save it!" Buffy snapped, pushing Spike into the wall she'd just let him escape from, and pressing her elbow up under his chin. If she just used a bit more strength, she could behead him… and wouldn't it be better for all of them, if she did? "You only figured this out because you heard Will's story and then judged my reaction! But I don't care about any of that now!

"Spike…" Buffy, spat out, breathing heavily, as soon as she thought she'd come up with the thing that would have him under her thumb, for sure. "If you ever cared about Dawn at all, swear on your unlife that you won't say anything about this to Angel or anyone!"

At first, his blue eyes looked at her with surprise, but then it became anger and finally resignation. "Fine. Fine! Have it your way, Slayer! I'll be silent as the grave! But you know I'm right about all of this: you belong with me."

"And that arrogance, Spike, is why we could never be," Buffy said, finally waking away. "After all, how many cocky loudmouths did I face before killing them?"

And Buffy went back into the Magic Box pretending that nothing had happened… but why did a part of her hate that all of her friends forgot just how pained she'd been a moment ago? And that as much as she hated to admit it, that Spike was right: as perfect as Angel had been lately, he couldn't see the truth of her. And a side of her despaired at that.

Buffy and Angel's second official date together, a few days after her confrontation with Spike, ended up being the two of them watching "It's a Wonderful Life" together at the Hyperion Hotel (their first official date had been Angel taking Buffy to a Disney ice show).

Though at first Buffy hadn't realized that was what their secret date was going to be when she walked into the Hyperion. But when she noticed the two chairs reminiscent of movie theater seats in the center of the room, all of the movie snacks littered about, and the screen and projector set up, she started doing some detecting herself.

And when Buffy first saw the reels with "It's a Wonderful Life" written on them, she nearly came apart, but fought against doing so with everything she had. It was just that this had been one of her and her dad's favorite films. But damnit, Hank Summers did not belong in this perfect scene Angel had created for her, and Buffy would not think of him now. Especially since she thought Angel was trying to say how important her life was to everyone she touched, and how glad he was that she was back.

"Do you like it?" Angel asked at last, when he took her coat, just as Buffy blurted out, "How'd you get the Fang Gang to leave us alone for this, Angel?" The members of Angel Investigations who had their own places she could definitely understand, but those who lived at the hotel—like Fred—she was the most curious about. She wondered if bribery had been involved…

At once, Buffy saw what a mistake she had made when Angel's face seemed to deflate: he clearly thought that she didn't like this date idea-a thought Buffy swiftly tried to wave away by giving her boyfriend one of the most thorough kisses she had given him in a long time. But by the end of it, she thought that it might have been her toes that had curled. Or perhaps both of theirs. Hopefully both.

"I love it, Angel," Buffy told the love her life, with her lips still against his own. "You couldn't have chosen better. Now, what do you say we watch this favorite movie of mine?"

And they did. Buffy and Angel both laughed at the scene where the dance floor turned into a swimming pool and George and Mary kept right on dancing before they fell into it… the Champions sang terribly to "Buffalo Girls" just like the aforementioned couple did… Angel recited George's line about giving Mary the moon at the same time that George did, and whispered it into Buffy's ear. And when George's father died, and he was about to inherit the Building and Loans, and the sign was shown that said "All that you take with you is what you give away," Buffy found herself crying like she always did during that moment.

…And then- and then Buffy fell asleep. Later, she'd realize it was because of the stress of coming back from the dead, having to Slay still, and trying to take care of Dawn (and dealing with a social worker trying to take Dawn away, even though Angel had been kind enough to give her a loan when she came back from the land of the dead to try and help with some expenses). But at the time, she wouldn't be thinking about that and would just be so miffed that she'd ruined her and Angel's date. She hadn't even woken up until Angel was carrying her back to her door, for Christ's sake!

"Angel, I'm so sorry!" Buffy said for what felt like the millionth time since she'd woken up. "I swear I was having a great time, and I didn't mean to go Sleeping Beauty on you. I guess I'm just still trying to find my schedule again."

"That's alright, Buffy," Angel said with that sweet smirk she loved so much. "The times you're Sleeping Beauty are the only ones when I'm allowed to be Prince Charming."

Well, she couldn't let that go without kissing him, could she? And Buffy did not. Standing up on her tiptoes, Buffy wrapped her arms around Angel's neck and brought him flush against her, as their mouths mated with each other.

And suddenly she found herself pushed against her house, just as his arousal pressed into her. Buffy moaned, when his arms circled her waist even tighter. It felt so good. He felt so good.

And she might have invited him in then, if her porch light hadn't come on. Dawn had heard her and knew she was home, and was no doubt wondering where Buffy was. And she- she didn't know that she and Angel were back together yet. None of the Scoobies did.

"I have to go, Angel," Buffy whispered breathlessly, pulling away from him. "You know how it is, with me having to take care of Dawn and help her get ready for school early tomorrow and everything. But hold that thought for me, honey."

He stepped out of her arms, but held a hand to her cheek for just a moment—a slight tightening of his eyes, Buffy thought—and then finally, these words from him, "Always, my love."

And before Buffy knew it, Angel was gone.

Buffy was dreaming of making love to Angel. And though she somehow knew that it was a dream, it somehow didn't change just how wonderful it felt: his lips were on her neck, her mark, as he kissed her there. And while that part of her had been sensitive ever since Angel had bitten her, nothing had ever felt as good as when Angel's lips were there over anyone else's.

He looked soulfully into her eyes… and when Angel finally thrust inside her, they moved like perfectly synchronized dancers. And he fit perfectly inside her like only he ever had.

At once, Buffy found herself waking up, gasping… And she didn't know what to do. She'd known since she'd started dating Angel again that she wanted him (a lack of desire had never been one of their issues), and this feeling had only grown more and more as they spent time together: particularly when they were patrolling. But Buffy knew that Angel was trying to let her adjust back to her normal life before they truly jumped back into things, which she appreciated.

But also… he'd said he believed that they could make love, because in knowing that there were parts of Limbo that she liked and missed—and he hurt for her in having to lose that—even if they made love, it wouldn't be perfect happiness for him now, because he empathized with her too much. But what if he was wrong? Even though Angel was confident, a part of Buffy couldn't help fearing all of this.

But more than that, as she had awoken now and thought over his words again, she had realized something and didn't know how to feel about it. And depending how the conversation went—because they would need to have a conversation—it could even doom their relationship.

And if that didn't make Buffy just want to try and forget it all and ignore that she'd ever come to this conclusion…

But she needed to know. So very much hating everything right now, Buffy her phone out and dialed Angel's number. And after the sixth ring, she very much thought he wasn't going to answer—even if he was nocturnal: maybe he was on a case—and she should call again in the morning, when finally he answered with urgency in his voice. "Buffy, what's wrong? Is it you or Dawn? Are you hurt?!"

…She and Dawn really meant so much to him, huh? And how Buffy loathed that she was about to ask him if another Summers woman had meant anywhere near as much. She must have been insane.

"Uhh, Angel, I hate to inform you that I think you have crazy Buffy on the line here. And, umm, you might hate me for what I'm about to ask you—or think I'm just being silly—and it's fine if you do, but umm… Didyounotlikemymom? Iaskbecausehowyousaidyou'llkeepyoursoul."

Buffy had said the last bit as fast as she could, not wanting Angel to cut in with one of his "I could never think you're silly, Buffy," lines, because she really wasn't sure about that this time. But she didn't even know if Angel had had any clue what she'd said, vampire hearing or not.

She heard Angel sigh on the other end of the line, and she could just picture him running a hand through his hair in a confused manner. But she noticed that he hadn't said "no."

"Explain that, please?" Angel asked gently, with what might have been the patient of the Saints… if he hadn't, in fact, been a vampire, Buffy thought.

Very nervously tapping her index finger on her thigh now, Buffy attempted to do just that. "It's just… the night of my mother's funeral. We, umm, might have made love that night, if we hadn't stopped. And we stopped because you were afraid it would be a moment of true happiness for you, and you'd lose your soul.

"But now you're saying you empathize with my sorrow so much that that can't happen. So, I guess I'm wondering if you didn't empathize with me back then, and why."

There she'd gotten it out as best she could—and had done a pretty stellar job at it, if Buffy said so herself—so what did Angel have to say about it all?

"… I don't know what to tell you, Buffy," Angel finally admitted after a long beat. For a moment there, Buffy had thought they'd been disconnected or that he wasn't going to answer at all "I- I do have some thoughts about that whole thing. And some might be things you don't want to hear. I'll tell you the truth, if you want me to, but not over the phone. In person. How about we meet at my apartment in Sunnydale, tomorrow night at eight?"

"Okay, Angel. I'll see you then," Buffy said cordially—but it was like pulling teeth to get the words out, even though she was the one to do this.

And what exactly Buffy would be seeing Angel for—more of their relationship, or even the end of it—she wasn't sure.

Buffy hadn't been to Angel's old apartment since the day that Angelus had first been unleashed. But Angel had decided to rent the place again (as it was, shockingly, available right now), since he was spending so much time in Sunnydale for her lately.

She imagined he'd originally thought about going back to the mansion, but that location actually had more painful memories for them than this one did. Buffy also wondered if there was slightly more to the story than just that, but she wasn't entirely sure.

Those who had lived here between the two times that Angel had, though, had yet to get all of their furniture out of the place, causing the apartment to take on a boho kind of vibe: something that was so not Angel, that Buffy had to laugh about it, and relax a little bit. Maybe she wouldn't have another Angelus-like experience in this place again, after all…

For the most part, Buffy was trying not to think about Angel and what he'd say, and what it might lead to, when he got here: that way led to madness. Especially since he had implied that he didn't like her mom, and Buffy knew she wanted to side with her mother. In death in particular, did one want to side with their lost loved ones—for one seemed to forget their flaws then. Or, rather, you decided that they didn't really matter much in the grand scheme of things.

But at the same time, Buffy also didn't want to give Angel up without a fight. Not when they had finally found their way to each other, and were working together so beautifully. He was easing the jagged edges of her life, and Buffy didn't want to lose that.

So instead of driving herself mad, Buffy played a game of Solitaire she had brought with her as she sat on the floor, until she saw headlights signaling that Angel had arrived and she saw him coming in the front door.

"Honey, you're home!" she said the moment she saw him, as the Slayer got up and hugged him. Because no matter what happened between them next, she at least wanted to have this. And when she felt Angel's lips pressing to the top of her head, she knew that he felt the same way.

"Yes, I am, Buffy. Anywhere with you is home," Angel seemed to try and assure her, whilst he took her hand and led her over to the cream couch. Huh. Maybe she'd been wrong: Perhaps this sofa was Angel's, after all. It was a darker shade of cream. Had all of the furniture stores in Sunnydale with dark pieces been destroyed, so he'd had to settle for this? It wouldn't have surprised Buffy at all. "Which is why I want to tell you that I didn't dislike Joyce lightly, Buffy," he finished as the two of them were sat down. "But-"

"But she was still my mother, Angel. A lot of who I am comes from her. So how could you do that?" Buffy argued, trying to keep her emotions tamped down and to hear him out, but knowing she was failing as she heard the edge to her own voice.

"Because she was just so oblivious, my love!" Angel explained now, a far-away look in his eyes, whilst he became lost in his own musings, it seemed. "How many times did she wash blood out of your clothes and still not figure out what was going on with you? And Buffy, this was after she threw you in an insane asylum after you'd told her you were the Slayer. So that means she was too weak, and blocked all things Slayer related from her memory, but you were never afforded that luxury."

Angel looked like he wanted to say more, as his mouth had started moving to do so, but he stopped himself. Buffy was glad that he had, because she wasn't sure she could handle much more right now…

"Okay, wow. I hadn't expected to have this conversation today or ever," Buffy admitted, crying now, as memories as the mental hospital assaulted her at once. She should have known that Angel would have been aware of that, since he'd admitted he'd seen her Called and therefore must have been lurking back then, too. "…And I guess I can somewhat see where you're coming from, if you know about that. But Angel… I know Mom wasn't perfect. And maybe blamed me for things she shouldn't have... But she was my mom, y'know? I love her. And no one's mom is perfect. I doubt yours was, and I- I know you miss her.

"And I swear I'm not trying to guilt trip you by bringing her up now."

"I get it, Buffy," Angel admitted, as he took a moment to squeeze Buffy's hand tightly. Something that Buffy allowed. "I miss my mother—my parents—so of course I do. If the shoe was on the other foot, I may never be able to forgive you if you were to speak ill of my mother. And I know it well. But I swear I'm doing this because I felt you deserved better, love… And that's the reason that though my heart broke for you that night, I still could have found some happiness. Not because she-"

And suddenly Angel was silent as the grave, which instantly had Buffy suspicious. "Not because she what, Angel? Did my mother say something to you? Did she-" And as Angel remained still as a statue, it suddenly became very clear to Buffy what her mother must have done. Because what was the one thing her mother might have ever spoken to Angel about, that he would be trying to hide now? "Son of a bitch! She told you to leave me, didn't she? And you just listened?! Angel!" And now Buffy was crying for a different reason, as she looked at him, aghast.

"And it's something I don't regret, Buffy."

She'd heard enough. How did she ever think she could trust anything he'd ever said about staying with her now? Buffy wondered, as she got up from the sofa, preparing to leave this vampire for good. How?! If he didn't regret leaving her before, he would just do so again in the future.

"Hear me out!" Angel pleased, as he grabbed Buffy's arm, halting her. "Yes, your mother and the mayor influenced my decision, but I do think we both needed to grow as people before we found our way back together again. And now we have grown, and I'll never leave you again. I promise."

Buffy was not happy, as she turned around to face Angel. She'd been afraid that she'd leave this conversation finding reason to hate Angel forever and champion her mother (or, some slim chance, he'd perfectly vilify her mother and champion himself).

Instead, here she was feeling like this: "It sounds to me that you and my mom both had a problem of trying to control my life and could have learned to back off. I- I need a break after all of this, Angel. I do. I'll let you know soon if I can handle this new heartbreak you've added to the list."

And Buffy got up and left Angel's apartment, finding it had let her down again.

Buffy's resolve lasted about three weeks long. What could she say? She loved Angel. She always had. And despite this most recent hang-up, that had been over a past event more than anything, their most recent present together had been pretty wonderful. He kept the clouds away (rather, her thoughts of Heaven that were returning and haunting her). And Buffy needed to see if he could do that forever.

She also couldn't help thinking of when they'd watched "It's a Wonderful Life" together: and in temporarily removing her life from Angel's again, had she drastically altered his life path for the worse, and perhaps any life that his touched? Buffy didn't want that to be the case, so that was part of the reason she invited him back into her life. The other one being the aforementioned love one, that made you do the wacky.

On a Monday morning, Buffy had Angel meet her at the Magic Box, long before the sun was to come up. She imagined that she was doing this because Angel had shared so much of his world with her lately, including his home and office, the Hyperion… and while she wasn't comfortable sharing all of her life with him yet, she could at least give him this: having one of their first meetings since their break at where she and the Scoobies usually conducted their business.

She knew that this place must have had some bad memories for him, as his alter-ego had killed one of its previous owners, just like his apartment and the mansion held those things for her. But Buffy could tell that Angel was trying very hard not to think about that right now.

Instead, when Buffy had brought up the recent band of evil she was fighting—The Trio—and Jonathan had come up, Angel had laughed and asked Buffy if that was the boy from her school she'd told him about, who had made all of Sunnydale think that he was a superstar.

And now, he was helping her look in the newspaper for jobs she might be able to do—when she wasn't Slaying—so she could support Dawn (and keep that creepy social worker away)—and better pay her bills.

"What about an editor?" Buffy asked, chewing a piece of cinnamon flavored gum, that most definitely didn't remind her of the flavor of Angel's kisses. "I know I wasn't the best an English, but I wasn't horrible at it, either. I think I could manage it. Especially if I get a book to help me study punctuation and grammar. What do you think, Angel?"

"I think you can do anything you set your mind to, Buffy," Angel allowed, as his hand tightened around her shoulder. But Buffy could tell that there was something deep on his mind, from the tightening of said grip and the tone of his voice. "Like that job, if you want that… but also how you haven't been telling me about Purgatory lately."

At that, Buffy pushed her chair away from Angel's, wondering if this was the Spanish Inquisition and if Angel had figured out the truth. She tried with all her might to breathe and remain calm, and to try and figure out what Angel was getting out here. Fortunately for her, Angel continued his point before she could really react.

"And Buffy, I swear I don't want to push. If you're not ready to talk about it, you have that right and please just tell me. But I'm afraid you're just burying things and that will just hurt more for it, my love."

She… she should tell him the truth, Buffy knew. And God, did she want to. Angel was such a good man (and was better to her than she deserved, for what she was doing to them—a snide voice in the back of her mind told her). And she loved him so much. If anyone deserved to know the truth first and foremost, surely it was Angel. Especially with how open he'd been with her lately: so open and so honest. And… maybe it wouldn't be so bad. She'd been healing more and more lately, largely because of Angel's presence. Having one more security blanket torn away from her wouldn't end her, right?

"Angel… there's something you should know about me and Purgatory," Buffy started slowly, uncertainly. And she scooted back closer to Angel and took his hand in hers, needing it as a lifeline if she was going to do this.

But just as she'd started to speak, she saw someone starting to come into the Magic Box out of the corner of her eye. And knowing that it would be one of her friends at this early hour, and realizing that she couldn't reveal the truth to so many people just yet, Buffy found herself slipping back into her lie. "There… umm, it was like I was in a sea of orange leaves. Amazingly enough, that was the bad part, I guess. But it wasn't that awful. More than anything, it was a numbness. But sometimes… sometimes I would feel a warm, cleansing breeze on my face, that would make me feel like everything was going to be alright. And it- it was beautiful. And the times I could, I found myself longing for that. That- that's the part I miss the most."

Xander, of all people walked in the moment Buffy said the last, (carrying Anya's purse and keys as he did so) with tears streaming down his face from having heard the last of her tale, Buffy guessed.

But the moment he saw Angel's hand atop hers, all sympathy seemed to disappear and he instantly went ballistic. "Are you kidding, Buffy? You're back with Dead Boy, really?! And way to once again keep it a secret! I guess let us all know when Angelus gets here!"

Buffy knew that she could have protested that she and Angel weren't together, and that he was just holding her out of friendship, but she wouldn't do that. She just wouldn't. Xander hardly would have believed her, anyway.

"Do you really think that after dying—again—and now having a second chance to be with Angel, I could just give him up so easily, Xander? Do you?!" Buffy demanded, having shot up from her chair, and storming towards Xander with her hands curled into fists. "And I was going to tell everyone, I just- I just needed time for us to be Buffy and Angel again first. Is that too much to ask?"

Xander looked like he was undoubtedly about to say something he'd regret, but before he could, Angel got between the two of them as he glared at Buffy's friend. "I'm not going to leave Buffy again, Harris. Not now, not ever, now that I know she needs me after what she's been through. And since I have no doubt you won't keep this to yourself, I would finally impress that upon your friends, as well. As for Angelus, all I can tell you is you don't have to worry about it this time."

Xander snorted at that. "Since the only way you two can possibly know that means you must have humped like bunnies already, you can kiss this friendship goodbye, Buff! I can't believe you'd be so stupid and selfish! Willow clearly made a mistake when she brought you back!"

"What?! Xander-" But before Buffy could stop him, or plead her case further, he was out the door, not once looking back; and Buffy was sobbing, as she clung to Angel.

"I'll kill him," Angel whispered under his breath, shaking his head. "I'll absolutely kill him."

Sniffling, Buffy tried to get a hold of herself, as she realized she undoubtedly had responsibilities here.

"On the bright side, maybe I won't have to look for another job, after all, Angel," Buffy said, despairing. "I'm thinkin' that Anya's sick, and Xander had the day off from construction, so she sent him to cover for her. But with the way he stormed off, I guess the only one left to run the Magic Box is me. So even though I tanked my interview at the Magic Box a few weeks ago… if I keep the Magic Box from crashing burning today, maybe Anya will overlook that and hire me."

"Oh, Buffy," Angel said with as miserable a looking smile on his face as she'd ever seen from him, before he kissed her head. "I wish I could make everything better for you," he said pulling her into his lap and rocking her for just a moment. "You have no idea how much."

And Buffy also wished that he could, but she accepted that he couldn't. And that the reason that things had gone so horribly, must have been the universe trying to get her back for lying to him… and now she'd made the lie even more complete.

Buffy was out patrolling in Sunnydale again, by herself for the first time in a while—and how she could have used some smoochies from Angel still, after what Xander had said to her; but she respected that Cordelia had had a vision about a David Nabbit he needed to save—and she imagined that knowing her luck lately, she was now probably going to stay patrolling alone.

Losing Giles to England had been a hard enough pill to swallow… but now to have to choose between Angel and Xander? And maybe between Angel the rest of her friends, too, now that Xander was surely telling them that she and Angel were back together? It was too much.

"Heaven was so much easier," Buffy muttered to herself, as she staked a vampire who looked like she'd spent way too much time mooning over Nick and Aaron Carter, with that bleach blonde hair. Or worse: could it have been Spike this vamp had been obsessed with?

Gagging, Buffy was literally about to throw up at the thought of that, when who would show up to make the moment worse for her, but the bleach-haired wonder himself?

"Did you, uhh, eat something that didn't sit well with you? You're not looking too hot there, Slayer."

Finding strength again at his insult (even if Buffy got the distinct impression he actually had been concerned for her), Buffy straightened herself up and spat out at him, "Spike, I would look hotter than you if I had leprosy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some vampires to stake here."

And she left Spike's side to try and do just that, but it was only when she heard his laugh behind her—as the nuisance continued to keep pace with her—that she realized she'd unintentionally given him the perfect comeback to zing her with, and he didn't disappoint.

"Your friends sure are treating you like a leper, aren't they Slayer? The way Harris has always hated Angelus, it's no wonder he's acting like you have the plague. But even Red is disappointed and dismayed, it seems. Maybe moreso that you didn't tell her you were back in the prick's arms, but I reckon it'll still be a while before you can build that bridge back up. As for sweet Tara, I imagine she wouldn't really care one way or another. Seeing you two making sick goo-goo eyes at each other might have even have pushed her to be on your side, but you know she'll follow Red in this first. The vengeance demon, Anya, might be the only one who you can crack here, Slayer. You'd think she'd side with Xander, and she might. But she's obsessed with sex, so she might get it and throw you a bone for that."

Ugh. Buffy did not want to be talking about sex with Angel with Spike here. She also didn't want Anya in that conversation. She also wondered how Spike, who claimed to love her, could even stand to discuss it… Unless he knew they hadn't gotten around to it yet, because of his super smelling thing. And if so, could she say, "EWW!"?

"Spike, can you please-" Buffy hissed at him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll change the subject," Spike said, rolling his eyes. "Like to how even though Harris may be a prat, you do have to appreciate that he didn't spill the beans to Little Sis."

Buffy did, in fact, appreciate that, and she was currently trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject with Dawn. She did think, though, that it was more out of self-preservation than anything else that Xander kept quiet.

"Or here's something else," Spike continued, perhaps not realizing that Buffy had been mostly happy with the subject change. "You still not telling 'Angel' about where you really were isn't going to go over well, luv. He's more invested in you than he ever has been. Hell, even more than when you used patrolling as an excuse to see him when you were a horny teenager. He's put his all into this, Slayer, but you're not playing by the same rules, are you? When he finds out you haven't been straight with him, it's not going to be pretty."

"That's ridiculous!" Buffy argued, stopping to hop onto a boulder so she could see Spike's face better, so they could really have this argument. It wasn't like she was seeing any other undead at the moment, anyway. And what Spike had said was just too absurd. "First of all, I am planning on telling Angel, and everyone, eventually." And Buffy absolutely did not like the disbelieving look that Spike gave her at that. "And Angel… he's too good and forgiving for something like you're describing. That would be something Angelus would do."

"Exactly, pet. Exactly. A part of you wants to separate them, but they're the same bloody man. And before your pretty head starts singing about how you think Angel can keep his soul now, it's not just pure happiness that brings Angelus out. Grief can, too. Or didn't you hear what he did to a cellar full of lawyers?"

Buffy cringed, because Angel had told her about that one of the times she'd come to visit when he was working on a case. She thought he would have told her about it no matter what, because that was who he was these days—and didn't she just suck for being the cryptic one now?—but all of his friends had been there, and she could tell that there had been some tension between him and them, though maybe not with Fred and Lorne, so he had explained why that was. And though Buffy had been disappointed in his choices, her heart had moreso broken for his pain. She also hated this Wolfram and Hart for wanting to break him so, with Darla, to release Angelus.

"You see, Buffy? You're not denying it." And the fact that Spike had just called her by her name and not "Slayer," Pet," or "Luv," must have spoken of how serious he was with all of this. But Buffy still didn't buy it

"I see nothing!" she argued. "Maybe if you weren't jealous, and didn't have ulterior motives, I could. Or if you had a soul." Buffy knew that that was a low blow. And she did regret the pain that crossed Spike's face when he said it, but she couldn't deny the truth, could she? "But it is what it was."

"You know what? Screw you, Slayer," Spike spat, throwing his hands up and turning on his heel to get away from her as fast as he could, it seemed. Wow. She must have really hurt him… "But when you get a face full of Angelus, don't come crying to me!"

But before Buffy could perhaps argue the point even more, Spike was already gone.

She had only walked a little bit longer, when she felt the presence of another vampire. And a powerful master one, at that. Pulling her stake out again, Buffy looked all around her, trying to find this mysterious vamp, when it suddenly dawned on her that she recognized this particular tingle all too well. Or she thought she did, anyway.

"But he's on a mission in L.A.," she reminded herself. "It can't be him."

Except that fate chose that exact moment to show her how wrong she was, for Angel jumped out of one of the tallest oaks she'd ever seen and started stalking towards her with unmistakable lust in his eyes.

At once, Buffy felt her womb clench in a way that it hadn't in so long, and her core felt far too empty.

God, she wanted him. And he was far too beautiful, as he gathered her up in his arms in the moonlight and then stroked her cheek. But Buffy was so confused as to why her Angel was here. Not that she was complaining, mind you, but he had made it sound like his most recent mission might leave him out of her reach for days.

"Angel, what are you-"

"Shh," Angel whispered, pressing a finger to her lips. "No more talking. We've talked too much lately. I want you, Buffy. Do you want me?" Buffy thought she saw a glint of gold in Angel's eyes, and somehow it just served to make her desire him even more.

In answer to his question, Buffy sucked one of his fingers into her mouth and watched in fascination as his fangs descended and he growled. Years ago, she had been an expert at kissing around these fangs. And having started dating him again, Buffy thought that she'd definitely picked up the trick once again… but that wasn't what she wanted now. She wanted to try something daring.

Purposefully nicking her finger on one of Angel's fangs, she watched as he slipped into game face and listened as he groaned at her action.

His tongue came out to lap up the slightest bit of blood she'd let loose, and—surely she was crazy—Buffy thought that that was almost enough to make her knees buckle and mimic the feeling she'd felt when he'd drunk from her right before graduation day.

Before she knew what she was doing, Buffy was removing her finger from Angel's mouth—to which she heard him growl in protest—but when she pushed his mouth to her neck instead.

And though it ended up taking much cajoling on her part, she was able to convince Angel to drink from her again. Then suddenly, her back hit the tree behind her and Angel was inside of her as he fed from her—what both of them had wanted, deep down, so long ago—and they knew nothing but ecstasy.

Some time later, when they were both coming down from their high, Angel nuzzled Buffy the way a lion would its mate, and she couldn't help but be moved by it.

"I love you, mo grá," he whispered seductively into her ear. And now it was Buffy's turn to almost purr. "...But we should really get out of these woods before some demon finds us. I'm not through with you yet, either," he promised her wickedly. The vampire palmed her left breast then. And Buffy wondered if it was Angel's new favorite place on her body…

"My place, then," Buffy whispered, taking Angel's hand and helping him up. "It's closer than yours." Though, deep down, there was a twisted part of Buffy that wanted Angel to finally claim her in her house, like she had dreamed about since she was a teenager.

For once, when it came to the idea of sexy time, it seemed that Angel didn't have to be told twice. And Buffy couldn't have been gladder for it. She smirked.

The two of them had slowed down once they'd reached Buffy's home, and Buffy couldn't complain about that at all. While there had been a desperation in their first coupling for the first time in four years, which Buffy supposed only made too much sense, the moment they were within Buffy's room, they both seemed to realize the deeper meaning of what was happening between them, and suddenly were making the sweetest love that Buffy had ever experienced. She thought that it may have even beat out her seventeenth birthday, and she hadn't thought that anything could do that.

All into the morning, the two of them made love as many times as they could (thank goodness for vampire and Slayer stamina, she thought). And just when she'd guessed one of them might be tiring, or that it finally might be becoming too much, they would find a second wind. Until somewhere around seven in the morning, they both finally fell asleep, well spent and well satisfied (Buffy with her head on Angel's shoulder, and Angel with an arm around her waist).

And then sometime around eleven in the morning (making an early morning for them, with how late they'd gone to sleep, but a late one for most of the world), they finally woke up.

It was Buffy who woke up first (though just by a few minutes). And there was a part of her that was taken aback by that, though she supposed she shouldn't have been since Angel was, after all, nocturnal. But she supposed she was thinking of the time that she'd spent the night at the mansion and he had woken up before her then.

But for one thing, the Slayer couldn't get over just how beautiful her lover was, sleeping in her bed—or the fact that they really were lovers again; and that Angel had been right about it not leading to the release of Angelus this time—and she had to bask in the moment. That, as hard as some things had been lately, and they really had been… and as much as she would always miss Heaven, at least she finally had this.

Leaning forward as gently as she could, Buffy placed a kiss onto the shy griffin on Angel's back—that was just peeking out from the quilt the two of them had put on—and Buffy had to wonder if she was having a moment of perfect happiness herself, as Angel woke up then and turned to face her with the most gorgeous, heart stopping smile.

"Angel-" Buffy started.

But much like last night, Angel was putting a finger to her lips to halt anything she might say for the moment. "No, Buffy. Let me say this first. I… I love you. I love you more than I thought it was possible to love anyone or anything, mo chroí. And my only regrets are, of course, everything having to do with Angelus, and not being there with you the morning after we first made love, and every horrible lie I said to you that morning. And also… and also leaving you, Buffy. But I'm with you now, and I'm never leaving again. If any of us ever leaves, you'll have to tell me to go."

"Angel," Buffy sobbed—somewhat pathetically, she thought, but she couldn't help it; Angel had opened Pandora's Box here. And she didn't know how much all of that had still gutted her until he apologized for it all—before kissing his un-beating heart, that she thought had to be the most beautiful one in the world. Then, satisfied with that, she laid her head on his breast, content to cuddle with him for the rest of her life, if he would allow it.

She wondered what had driven him to her and made him so needy the previous night, if anything at all. But now was not the time to ponder that, Buffy thought. Now was the time for perhaps some quiet contemplation, and the complete renewal of their bond.

"I love you too, Angel," the Slayer whispered, before kissing one of his delicious chocolate-colored nipples. "More than anything in this world. It's kind of pathetic, really. I'm pathetic with how much I need you. And you should know I'm never letting you go, Mister, so you should get used to staying here for a while, and your legs maybe atrophying, because you're mine!" Buffy made a show of biting the vampire's neck, to which he purred. She could also feel him growing hard again against her again, and she began to moisten at the very thought.

She might have opted to try and do something about their horrible predicaments then, if at that exact moment, Dawn hadn't opened her door, crying, "Buff, er, ou ere? I 'ink I roke my nose."

Buffy was no doctor, so she couldn't tell from just looking at Dawn's nose if she had broken it or not. But the fact that it looked bruised and swollen—from the bits of it that the Slayer could see, as Dawn was covering a large portion of it up, as it seemed to be gushing blood. Oh, that was also a thing—she was willing to bet her sister was right.

"Dawn, what did you do?! Buffy demanded, already jumping out of bed to grab her wallet in knowing she was going to have to take her sister to the hospital, and not worrying about her nakedness too much—since she and Dawn were sisters and had used to take baths together, even if that was a million years ago.

Somehow, at the time, it hadn't even crossed her mind that Angel was also very much naked in bed with her, and Dawn was surely about to have a reaction about that. And also that Angel had seemed to go very still the moment Dawn had came into the room with her bloody nose.

"Ahi-anna," Buffy thought her sister had tried to get out, which was clearly meant to be "Arianna," her super-powered friend.

"Dawnie, I thought I told you not to spar with her for this exact reason!" Buffy reprimanded, pulling on the first clean shirt she saw in her closet, that happened to be a a sparkly baby blue long sleeved shirt (she didn't even bother with a bra).

Dawn looked as though she was about to rebuttal, as she had her index finger in the air, but it seemed to be at that moment that her eyes swept over Buffy's room and she noticed the vampire in her bed.

"Mi ver'gn eyes!" Dawn exclaimed clapping a hand over just one eye, since she was still covering her nose. Then seeming to realize that this really wasn't practical with keeping the tissue over it, or maybe she noted that Angel was covered up or both (Buffy wanted go believe her innocent baby sister wasn't just trying to steal a peak at her boyfriend), Dawn uncovered said eye. "An'eles?!" Dawn squeaked, looking at Buffy with horrified eyes.

"No, Dawn," Buffy said, rolling her eyes, as she pulled on a pair of simple black panties and then some sweatpants. "I swear he's not going to turn into Angelus. But, hey: if you want to join the club and berate me for taking the chance like everyone else, feel free to once the taxi I call gets here. We're going to the hospital. Now."

Buffy slipped her wallet into her pocket, picked up her cell phone and then put on a pair of flip-flops, as she came beside the bed again. Giving Angel a soft peck on the lips—and trying to savor it, as a selfish part of Buffy wondered where her perfect morning had just gone—Buffy whispered to her lover as soon as she had pulled away from him, "I'll get the exceedingly bleeding teen out of the room now, Angel, and then you can get dressed. Sorry… for everything. I'd say you could wait for us to get back from the hospital if you wish, and you can, but you know how long ER visits can take. If you have to get back to L.A. before we get back, go ahead. I'll just call you tonight."

And before Angel could say anything to that (Buffy got the sense that he was trying not to breathe… which was probably a good thing, because now that Buffy was looking at Dawn, she could tell her sister prodding her nose just now had actually caused to accidentally open the gash wider and make it bleed even more), Buffy was grabbing her sister's hand and escaping from the room with her.

"Later" came at around eleven 'o clock that night.

Dawn had been absolutely right: her nose had been broken after her best friend had hit it too hard—something they both felt horrible about, that made Buffy feel worse for having snapped—and once they'd gotten back from the hospital after Dawn's surprise surgery, Buffy had of course had to get them something to eat and pick up Dawn's medication.

Then, she'd decided to relax for a little bit, watching some TV show that she knew she wouldn't remember in the morning—and not think about how this would or wouldn't go over with Dawn's social worker (though that whole thing was now looking up, now that Buffy did have a job at the Magic Box and the woman seemed to realize that Buffy's "Sugar Daddy for Dawn" was more reliable than she'd first thought. Though she kept hinting to Buffy that she should marry this "Angel,",and Buffy was so not opening that can of worms now)—before finally calling Angel.

And when she did… Buffy knew she might have been crazy, and it might have been her own worries from the day coloring things, but she couldn't get over the distinct feeling that Angel seemed different somehow (and if that thought didn't have Buffy longing for some weed, she didn't know what would: Angel being different after the two of them had sex. Hmm). Thankfully, it didn't seem like an Angelus thing. Or like an "I'm going to breakup with you thing" (or so she prayed).

But why did it suddenly seem like Angel had the weight of the world on his shoulders, as Buffy talked to him here? The Slayer supposed he usually did, because of the guilt he had over the things he'd done as Angelus. Could that have been it? Or did he feel bad that maybe Dawn, too, was now going to join the "It's wrong for you two to be together club" after seeing them this morning?

"Angel!" Buffy protested, finally, when the weirdness of his attitude finally got to be too much for her to handle. "I brought up Stephanie's dancing on 'Full House' because I'm bored, and just happen to be watching it. Usually, at this point, if nothing else, you'd say something like 'how Giles and Wesley are as prim and proper as these Tanners are, and that you bet the Watchers Council secretly got all of their morals from them before they went wonky… Not listen to me complain about the hideous blonde dye job Jodie Sweetin had for fifteen minutes, and then finally bring up how it reminds you of Mustard Gass, and World War II, of course… and then bring up how the creator of the Atomic Bomb ended up regretting it. And the creators of a lot of things end up regretting them, because they just end up being used for destruction. What is up with you?" Buffy really wanted to believe that Angel was trying to joke with her, but largely failing, but she sadly doubted it. Had he taken some sort of weird drug by accident. What was going on?

"…I don't know if I can really get into it, Buffy. I don't know if you want to know. It might- it might ruin our new night, and I don't want to do that to you. I swear it meant everything to me, and I was only thinking of you when I came here."

"Uhh… huh, and what? Oh, Angel. What did you do?"

"Buffy… I got Darla pregnant. With a son… If she has the baby, that is. I'm going to be a father."

Sitting up, gasping, Buffy suddenly felt like she was going to vomit with the shock of it all. Not for the knowledge that Angel was going to be a father, she thought (if he wasn't high and had gotten this all wrong, or wasn't pranking her, or hadn't been tricked). Because as much as this painful knowledge killed her, she could never hate a child of Angel's. But the stress of the entire day—hell, maybe even her entire life—threatened to pull her under. Especially since from his words, Buffy now got the sense that this was partly why Angel had suddenly come into town the previous night and slept with her. Because, what? He'd been in shock? Grieving?

"Angel… are you drunk?" Buffy couldn't help biting out. And only partly regretted it when she thought she heard glass breaking on his end of the phone, that seemed to indicate he must have been and he might have just broken a bottle at her question. "Vampires can't have kids, remember? You're the one who told me that. And honey… I really don't mean to doubt you here… but you know all about the mind games that Darla played with you before, that that evil law firm sanctioned: You told me all about this. Are you sure this isn't some kind of trick of their-"

"It's all true, Buffy. I had her go to a hospital with me, and they showed us the ultrasound."

Buffy wanted to argue that even with this crazy miracle child of Darla's, the child still might not be his, even if the timeline added up. The Slayer knew that she wasn't the vampiress' biggest fan, but how did they know that she hadn't slept with someone else that same night?

But knowing just how well that that would go over if she said it-not—and that there was DNA testing for when the child was born, Buffy supposed, the Slayer instead settled on, "Wait. Hold up, Angel: if she has the child? Are you implying that she might not?" And for the time being, Buffy tried to not think about any thoughts and feelings about anyone in this situation at all-not ready to, aha, open that can of words, but sensing that it might be opened tonight—and instead just waited for Angel's answer.

"Well, she definitely tried to abort my son before… And she came to see us today, and I thought she'd had a change of heart… but now Darla's gone, Buffy. And I don't know, my love. Do you think she's trying it again?"

Oh, how Buffy wanted to scream and cry. How. How! Had she gotten into a position where she was talking to Angel about his hypothetical child with Darla?! And how did Angel think that it was okay to do this to her at all, but especially after their new night?! How had he thought it had been a good idea to let their new night be partly in response because he was grieving what Darla had attempted to do to his son, it sounded like?! She was in Hell again, alright!

Buffy wanted to be there for Angel, she really did. She couldn't even imagine what he must have been feeling. And she didn't hate or blame this kid at all… but what about what she was feeling?!

But fighting that all down, Buffy tried to start with something else. "Angel-" But she had barely started before Angel interrupted with, "But maybe she should, Buffy. What if it's a monster like us? Oh God, Buffy? What should I do?"

Buffy could have slapped Angel, she really could have. And it was insane to think that, because she hadn't felt this way since he'd defended Faith that time she went to L.A. Lately, he'd been so perfect and Buffy had been wanting to smack herself upside the head for falling short.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy tried to remind herself that her lover was surely in shock—and did have some ample reason to be feeling the way he did—and then slowly and deliberately (partially so she wouldn't do or say something that she would regret), Buffy informed him, "Angel… I think you need to stop thinking in worst case-scenarios all the time. It sounds pretty clear to me that you want this child. And if you're worried that Darla might snap and do something she might regret, I guess your first step right now is to find her and make sure she doesn't. After you've done that, call me back and let me know how things have gone from there."

She absolutely refused to cry and ask him if they would still have a future after that. She refused it. It was ridiculous, after all… right? Angel had promised her that they did. And just because his world was spinning, and he might soon have a son with Darla, didn't mean he was suddenly going to play house with the mother of his child. She was still soulless, after all.

It was only after her logic-filled words had reached him, that Angel seemed to remember that Buffy had gone through her own ordeal that day—had been going through her own ordeal—and he was supposed to have been helping her through things when he called tonight, not the other way around.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry. How are- how is Daw-" he started.

But as selfish and unfair as it might have been, right now Buffy didn't want to hear it.

Buffy cut him off, holding up her hand the way she had when he'd told her he wasn't going to say goodbye (though not that he could see it). "Angel, I don't need that right now… just worry about this son of yours, and go find Darla."

"…Right," he muttered, finally sounding much more sober than he had during most of their conversation. Buffy didn't even want to know how much he'd had to drink to get drunk in the first place, since vamps had such a fast metabolism. "Are you still my girl?" he said at last. And there was a hesitancy in his voice, as if he very much regretted asking, because he thought Buffy might have finally found the thing to make her say "no."

And maybe she should have. But she was a stupid girl with a stupid heart. And pressing the phone to her mouth for a second, to try and halt her sobs, Buffy answered with a breathless, "Always," before disconnecting with him for the moment, at least.

As it turned out, Dawn wasn't worried about Buffy and Angel being back together like Buffy had worried she'd be.

Dawn did admit that she probably would have been if she'd known they were dating before they'd "gotten groin-y with each other" (her sister's exact words. And how Buffy hated that so many of her friends talked about her and Angel that way). Or if their having sex had brought back Angelus… but since neither of these things had happened, Dawn saw no reason to make a big deal out of it and was happy to support her sister in finally having the relationship she'd always wanted.

But when Buffy had reluctantly told her sister what was going on in Angel's life now, Dawn had told Buffy that she didn't care if they were the super-powered ones: if Angel hurt her now with all of this Darla stuff, after they'd finally found their way together, she would find a way to stake him.

Speaking of which, Buffy was actually having lunch with Willow at the Magic Box—after Willow had called her out of the blue, asking if they could meet their and talk—having a similar conversation.

"I'm an awful friend, Buffy," Willow had started, pretty much the moment she was in the door.

And while Buffy had wanted to smile, in sensing where this was going (that Willow wanted to reconcile with her), the Slayer hadn't been able to resist quipping: "And with that winning attitude, it's such a good thing that we don't have customers in the store right now. As I'm sure such an attitude would make them want to buy everything."

"But I'm serious, Buffy!" Willow had continued, looking at her with large, sad eyes, before gently grabbing a hold of her arm. "I should… I should be put down like Old Yeller was, like I said to you when I helped Cordelia with Homecoming instead!

"But this may even be worse! Because, hello! You finally have a chance to be with Angel—Angel!—and I should have known you'd never do anything to endanger us… and what do I do? I revert to Senior year and treat you like Social Pariah Girl and avoid you for days, when I know how much you need me right now. Can you ever forgive me, Buffy? I swear I'll never do that to you again. And I'm all about you and Angel being together, now that I think about it. It's novel, really."

Buffy was glad that she had at least grown enough that she didn't immediately jump into talk about Angel, Darla, and this possible miracle child they might be having.

Instead, she told Willow that she wasn't entirely at fault. That, after all, even after she and Tara had left confused and hurt, she could have still tried to reach out to them, since communication was a two-way street and Buffy knew that Willow also needed her right now, in still struggling with her addiction to magic.

And so, the girls had sat down at the table, ordered lunch from the nearby Chinese place, and started talking about anything and everything, when Buffy and Anya didn't have customers (for eventually, the former vengeance demon came in for her shift, too) And Buffy and Willow spoke to each other as if no time had passed between them at all.

Eventually, somewhat to Buffy's dismay (because perhaps she didn't want to talk about it. Wasn't Dawn knowing enough?), she found herself telling Willow about Darla's pregnancy.

"Oh, Buff!" the with exclaimed, reaching for the box of tissues on one of the shelves beside her. "You had to deal with that bombshell while your best friend was too busy being a butt to be there for you, and couldn't even get you chocolate to alleviate some of the pain? I'm so sorry."

"For real," Anya gave her two-cents. "If Xander or any of my exes had ever done that to me, I would have given him syphilis and turned his baby mama into a troll."

"Anya!" Buffy protested harshly, sending a glare the former demon's way, and resisting the urge to flick some of her rice in her direction. "It's not like… it's not like Angel cheated. We weren't together when this kid was conceived. And I can… I mean, I guess I can understand him wanting the kid, of course. And it's not like he's going to leave me for Darla or something."

"You-" Anya started. But Willow positively glowered at her, and Buffy thought Anya changed whatever she had been about to say to, "You're right. But it still has to hurt. And I still don't know if I'd ever be that forgiving, no matter how hot Angel is or how good he is in bed."

"Oh yeah, Anya, say that, because that'll make her feel better," Willow sniped, but a part of Buffy couldn't get why, because it was such a normal Anya thing to say… unless Will thought that any other girl talking about Angel's sex-appeal right now would make her think of the obvious sex appeal he'd had for Darla.

"I-I have to, Anya. I love him. And, I think, if it was Xander… you'd forgive him, too. But I do hope you never have to find out," Buffy said the last, cutting off the protest that was already on Anya's lips.

"So, what now, Buffy?" Willow asked gently, staring down her soda glass, as if it contained the secrets of the universe. Perhaps it did. And if so, Buffy wanted a look at it, too. She desperately needed something like that now, since life was a mess and she was quickly forgetting the lessons she'd learned when she was Complete.

"I don't know. I suppose I wait to see if Angel calls and says if he's going to be a father… or if Darla aborted the baby, after all."

The call came, and it was not what Buffy had expected.

Darla had had the baby, Connor… So, either she'd been further along than Angel had let Buffy know, or her pregnancy was special like her child might be somewhat special, but Angel was most definitely a father now. But what was even more, was that Darla had realized that she couldn't give birth to the boy, and the only way to free him now that he was far enough along was to stake herself. And she had.

A part of Buffy was astonished that the evil vampiress who had tried to kill her and her mom had done this for a son she'd once thought about aborting, even after Angel had explained their sharing a soul had now made her love him, but she supposed that that was the reason she wasn't the spokesperson for vampires, but rather did what she did.

Buffy really didn't want to think too strongly about what Angel must have been feeling in losing his Sire (and now mother of his child) again, since she knew she'd go insane if she did. But knowing he needed her right now, and truly wanting to meet his son Connor, Buffy told Dawn, Willow, Tara, and Anya she was heading off to L.A. to meet Angel and Connor (and how nice was it that she wasn't lying about Angel anymore. She really should have told all her friends sooner, she acknowledged now), and did just that.

"I'm telling you, you're doing it all wrong," Buffy could hear Cordelia lecturing someone even before she was within the Hyperion Hotel. "Angel, the reason Connor isn't drinking his bottle is because you're not giving him long enough to breathe. Here, let me try."

"It's a good theory," Buffy heard Fred supply, good-naturedly, just as she walked in. "I used to help my uncle feed baby goats on his farm, and you do have to give mammals times to breathe while they nurse."

"Oh my gosh!" Buffy exclaimed, taking Connor and the bottle out of Cordelia's arms as first as her feet could allow her and stopped the feeding, which of course upset Connor, so she began rocking him to try and stop his crying.

Everyone was staring at her mutinously—including Angel, who was no doubt wondering why Buffy had stopped his son from getting the nutrients he so desperately needed—so just as Cordelia demanded of Buffy a second time, "What is your childhood trauma?! Buffy said, "You have the wrong size nipples for someone Connor's age, you're going to drown him!"

"What?! Angel demanded, looking at Buffy with eyes wide as saucers now, and like he might pass out, if such things were easy for vampires.

"I remember some of this stuff from helping out with Dawnie," Buffy explained. "But look at how some of the formula spilled out onto his onesie while he was trying to drink. Clearly he was getting too much and couldn't digest it all, and that's why he was having trouble drinking."

"God damnit!" Gunn cursed in the background. But then seeming to realize he'd cursed in front of the infant, clapped a hand in front of his mouth and said, "Oh. Sorry, baby. But seriously. What kind of hospital makes a mistake like that?I But you know what? I buy what Buffy said here. I also remember this from feeding… Alonna. Tell you what: I'll go to the store real quick and get some right sized bottles, and y'all try to keep Angel Jr. content while I do."

And just like that, Gunn had headed out the door (no doubt to partly escape the bawling infant. Though Buffy knew he did genuinely want to help Connor), and the question of how to tide Connor over until Gunn came back resurfaced.

"Well, now what?!" Wes asked nervously, definitely seeming out of his element. "We have some of that baby cereal. And I guess we could mix the formula with it… but forget I even started suggesting this, because I know that Connor is too young for it."

Angel was nodding his head before Cordelia had even finished the question, Buffy saw. "We just have to distract the little guy. Buffy bouncing him is a good start. But we could try to sing," Angel said, sending Lorne a hopeful glance (though the empath demon looked as though he didn't want to get too much closer to the loudly. Bawling infant so that he could hear his singing). "Or do a funny face."

Color Buffy flabbergasted. She'd never once thought about what Angel would be like with kids… namely because she'd thought it was impossible for him to have any. Funny how the world worked. But he seemed to be pretty decent at it. His voice had dropped into baby talk at the end of his sentence there, and he had tried to do a funny face for Connor as he said the last… which did make the little boy smile and babble the slightest bit.

And Buffy couldn't help but feel some of the ice in her heart—first from losing Heaven, and then thinking Angel had betrayed her with this—melt with the action. It was just too wholesome, and she was glad she'd witnessed it. And also thrilled that she'd been here to help protect Angel's son. Who knew what might have happened if she hadn't been? Stupid hospital!

"Oh, Angel! I'm sorry. I'm sure you're wanting your son back, now that he's all safe and happy—which is always of the good—here," and Buffy reached out to hand Connor back to his father, but Angel just smiled at her.

"Maybe in a second, Buffy. But I think he seems content where he is." And Buffy could tell by looking into Angel's eyes that some special, important moment was happening between the three of them right now. And it was the three of them, because even though Connor was still smiling at his father's face, his little finger had curled around Buffy's thumb. And she was struck by something she hadn't felt since her mom died, when she knew just how much she needed to protect Dawn and wanted to, as stress-filled as she knew that would be, but this was even more intimate than that.

Buffy had feared that she and Angel wouldn't be able to make it work now that he had a son. But now, holding said son and sharing this moment with him, she realized how ridiculous that belief had been. After all, she could only ever be with someone who loved like she did. And if he was now going to adore Connor the way she did Dawnie, then that just made him even more perfect for her.

"Okay, but just for a second," Buffy allowed. But she was lying. This kid had already completely wrapped her around his chubby little finger. And really, Buffy wouldn't have had it any other way. She beamed.

A few months later

A lot of Buffy and Angel's dates revolved around Connor now. How could they not? (Not that Buffy was complaining in the slightest. She loved the little tyke like her own son already. And would often buy him gifts when she'd saved up enough from the Magic Box. And failing that, she just loved trying to read to him… though often times he fell asleep before much reading could get done. He was still an infant, after all. Or she'd play peek-a-boo with him). But he also slept a lot. And when he did, this was when Buffy and Angel got their very special Buffy and Angel alone time. Or when the A.I. group was kind enough so they could go out… and though they both enjoyed these times, Buffy knew that Angel worried about Connor while he was away. He was such a helicopter parent. And it would have been amusing, if she wasn't the same way.

"You know Connor's going to be able to start pouches soon," Angel was telling Buffy as the two of them walked through one of Sunnydale's many graveyards, hand-in-hand, looking for something to kill (this was one of the aforementioned times that Connor was being babysat.

(Also, since most of Buffy's friends were more than okay with the two of them dating now—and felt bad about their reaction before—they often volunteered to patrol with the couple now, partly to try and catch up with Angel some and mend some bridges… or really get to know him at all, as the case may be. But as the couple wanted to spend some alone time together, tonight they'd declined that offer).

"And you know what Fred said to me today? That I should give him just veggie ones, because they're closer to the taste of tacos—or at least veggie tacos—than fruit is."

Buffy could only laugh at that. So much so, in fact, that she nearly fell into Angel as the two of them continued to walk together. "You know how much Fred loves her tacos, honey. I guess we shouldn't be surprised she wants Connor to 'get his own' anyway he can, even before he can eat meat… Even though Fred's being a silly. I do remember from Dawnie, though, you probably want to introduce him to veggies first, so he doesn't get on a sugar high from all the fruit baby food and then want nothing else, but that. But you should definitely give him fruit, too. I mean, to be honest, he probably won't even like the veggies that much, so you'll be glad to give him the fruit that he'll like better, so he'll at least eat something… And I'm totally babbling, huh?"

"Yes," Angel admitted. And damn, if that didn't hurt a girl's feelings, Buffy thought as she tried to hide her face. Buffy told herself that Angel being honest with her was a good thing, because some of their problems before had surely arisen because of the things he'd held back, and yet here she was, getting offended like he'd said she was wearing an outfit that every other girl had and that she had last month's hair. "But I'm glad you are, Buffy. Some of this stuff with Connor… well, I suppose I'm not above saying I'd be lost without you. I don't- I don't really remember aspects of my own humanity that well. Or how I helped out around the house with Kathy, so-"

Buffy put a finger to his lips to halt his self-deprecating words, mentally kicking herself for having gotten so defensive before. "Believe me, Angel. I completely understand. And am more than happy to help. But I feel like if the monks hadn't dropped all these memories into my head a little while ago—God, that's weird to think about—I wouldn't know this stuff that well, either. Hell, I wouldn't know it at all. So don't sweat it."

"…But now that I have Connor, Buffy, I don't want you to think that I'm not thinking about you… about us," Angel said suddenly, startling Buffy as he guided her to sit down on a nearby bench and then put a hand to her cheek once she was sitting across from him. "For instance, I was looking into what you'd said… about what part of Limbo was like for you. And it sounds like that's what some religious scholars think that's what Heaven is going to be like: almost like you're floating in a bubble, though some have disagree-"

"But I was in Limbo, Angel, not Heaven, I told you this!" Buffy argued, before she could even make sense of why she was. Because if there was any time to tell her love the truth, wasn't this it? But was it that she was so lost in the lie now, that she almost believed it herself? Buffy wondered. Or that she was pissed that Angel had just described the perfection that was Heaven like it was a bad thing, when he didn't get it at all?

"I know, Buffy. I know," Angel said, brushing her hair back. "And how confusing it must have been for you, to go from one extreme to the other while you were there. Especially since media paints it like it's one or the other. And often times like the life we live here is Purgatory. But that's not the way it is, huh?"

God, she was so stupid. And she kept burying herself even deeper. But she couldn't tell Angel the truth now: not when she'd just lied to him again—it would make no sense—and when they were having such a beautiful night here (no doubt about to be capped off with them making love again). She'd be sure to find some way to tell him another night. She would!

"You're right, Angel. …And thank you so much for looking out for me, and loving me."

"Anything for you, my love. Anything. You know that." And Buffy was able to hide her frown until Angel reached forward and hugged her.

God, she wished she could plunge a stake through her own heart!

But still… all of this would be so much easier if Angel could read her as easily as Spike was somehow able to… Maybe even like Angel himself had been able to, once upon a time.

Some Weeks Later

"I can't believe The Trio turned me invisible!" Buffy complained, still trying to completely shake off said invisibility spell. She was almost completely visible again… only her fingertips were left invisible. There! She was no longer the Invisible Girl, or whatever Xander called that comic book heroine, but a… Visible Girl.

At the moment, Buffy was in Spike's crypt, of all places, because she got the feeling that Angel was going to ask her for help protecting Connor against Holtz: something she was only too willing to give.

In which case, if she was going to be in L.A. for a while, she had wanted to ask Spike if he could keep an eye on The Trio. They were proving themselves to be more and more of a threat. And they had proven that even moreso, when they had just blasted her with some sort of Invisibility Ray right outside of Spike's crypt.

Buffy had stayed in the crypt after that for a couple of reasons. One: Because if something went wrong with this spell or whatever and she went kablooey, she knew Spike was more likely to survive the explosion than most anyone else. Two, and this was somewhat a longshot, Buffy had thought that maybe Spike would have some idea about how to turn her back. He'd read some spell books during his day, right? And three, if she was going to be in L.A., she didn't want to hurt the gang's morale, by letting them see all the tricks The Trio had up their sleeve.

Thankfully, the invisibility spell hadn't lasted long, but Buffy was still pissed about it as a whole, as well as mad that it had messed up a majority of her plans for the day.

"Look on the bright side, pet. I imagine being invisible, and turning visible again, might have somewhat reminded you of some of the effects of Heaven. Ultraviolet lights and Infrared lights that you can only see there, and the like," Spike said absentmindedly, smoking a cigarette as he seemed busy looking at some pictures Dawn had drawn him?

"I suppose that's true…" Buffy allowed.

"What?!" Suddenly came a new voice into the crypt: an enraged voice of someone that Buffy loved, who was never—ever—supposed to learn that she'd been in Heaven like this.

"Oh my god, Angel!" Buffy said, swiftly getting up from where she was on Spike's bed and turning to face her distraught mate. "I-"

"Buffy, I'm going to ignore the fact that—despite the fact my childe clearly wants you—that you're in his crypt, because I can smell you. I'm also going to ignore the giant question that is Spike in Sunnydale in general, and you not staking him… But what did he mean about you being in Heaven and you agreeing to it?"

There was a large part of Buffy that wanted to comment on the gross smelling thing, and Angel seeming to be wrongfully jealous of Spike, but she knew now was not the time or place. She also thought about making some sort of quip, but that would just make things worse. She felt tears coming, but tried to hold them back because she didn't deserve to cry right now. Instead, Buffy put her hands on her hips and said it like it was, "Oh, my love. How I wish you hadn't been so good to me and kept pulling at the thread for my sake. Though I know I have no right to say that… It's what it sounds like, Angel. I was in Heaven. I- I lied to you and everyone else. And I know there's no easy way to make that better. I'm sorr-"

Angel was laughing now. It didn't sound quite like an Angelus laugh, like that of a sadist, but rather someone who was in pain and maybe starting to crack. "But why, Buffy? Why? That's what I don't get. And when you had so much time to come clean and tell me the truth, time when my son wasn't in danger by one of my greatest enemies- And Spike knew?! No, wait. Forget those questions for now. The first one, if you please."

Buffy strode toward where Angel was, wanting with all her heart to close the distance between them and pretend that this had never happened. But she knew that she couldn't do that. She'd been doing too much pretending lately. And while her hand longed to reach out and touch her lover's cheek—and even started out to do just that—she ended up pulling it back and keeping it firmly planted at her side, thinking that Angel would just think that she was pitying him if she tried to show him any sort of affection before they hashed this out.

"As for the gang… they pulled me out of Heaven, Angel. And I couldn't tell them that truth and devastate them. I just couldn't. I suppose it was a small mercy on my part, since a large part of me hated them for what they did to me—bringing me back just to fight their battles, it seemed—or at least I did at first.

"And you… I don't know what to tell you, lover. The hard truth is that I came up with the Limbo lie with you, the night that we met up."

"What?!" Angel rejoined once again, stepping away from Buffy as if she'd physically assaulted him. Maybe, in some ways, her words did hurt him that much. And tears started to dot her eyes at the thought. She couldn't say that she would be feeling any differently than Angel if the situation were reversed (And didn't that sound familiar?). Actually, maybe she would even be acting worse.

"Why, Buffy? Why?!" Angel raged now, shooting forward to grab her by her collar and shake her ever so slightly. It wasn't unlike the night she had fought him for his life, that Christmas so many years ago, but instead of feeling all the things she had back then, Buffy mainly felt numb now, knowing Angel had every right to be treating her this way.

"Get off of her, you wanker!" Spike snarled, suddenly getting in between Buffy and Angel, game face on, and sending Angel hurtling backwards with a well-placed fist to his face. "Can't you tell she's traumatized?!"

Angel was laughing again. And this time, Buffy thought that maybe she could see a bit of Angelus in his eyes before he caught himself; her breath caught. Spike's punch had been so hard that it knocked Angel to the floor, but he got to his feet with an amused shake of his head now, as he looked at both Buffy and Spike like he didn't know them. Buffy suddenly found herself somehow feeling both very hot and cold at once.

"Ange-"

"You know, Buffy. I had thought I could catch Spike's scent on you every now and then. I just thought that my childe, who can never get anything through his thick skull, was still trying to kill you to make Sunnydale his own. And when that happened, you—like always—beat him up and sent him back to kingdom come. I hadn't figured that Captain Peroxide was in love with you. And you're what? Pals with him?!"

"Angel, please," Buffy begged. Somehow, in all of her wildest thoughts about what would happen if Angel and Spike met, Buffy had thought that Angel would hurt Spike, which was why she had begrudgingly kept it a secret. She hadn't counted on Angel being wounded by her lying to him about this, too. But it really was just one more thing she hadn't told him, wasn't it? Only now could Buffy see how foolish she'd been.

"Uhh no, Buff. I think you've been saying too much lately. Too much of it not being true. So, the floor's mine now. Though I will eventually circle back around to why you decided to try out this lie of yours with me. I can't wait to hear that one. What? Was it punishment for something I didn't do right this time? Being here when you didn't want me to? Not being here when you did? The Darla thing? The thing with your mom? Please, tell me."

"It was because I knew that if you'd known I was in Heaven, you would have never stayed with me, Angel!" Buffy bellowed, finally letting the truth out, as she threw her hands up in the air as far as they would go. "And don't tell me you would have! It would have been one more reason that I was too good for you, and you couldn't taint me with your 'filth.' I'll admit that I didn't realize this was why at first… the words just slipped out, but eventually I knew, and I couldn't deny the truth of them.

"And with Purgatory… at least it wasn't an outright lie, but a half-truth," Buffy hedged.

"And you could even moreso make sure that I stayed with you, using my guilt that I hadn't prayed you out of there against me."

"What- No. Angel, I would never do that," Buffy argued. Now finally finding it within her to reach out and touch his cheek. He turned away. "I swear!" Buffy exclaimed, stomping her foot and sobbing now. "Whatever else you must think of me, and for good reason, you must know I'd never do that to you!"

Spike looked as though he was about to say something. And for the first time in her life, Buffy thought she might have been glad for it—because in his love for her, surely, he would have stuck up for her: even if it would have helped her with Angel—but Angel shut him down immediately. The brunet vampire pointed at him and yelled, "Stay out of it, Spike! Buffy, I don't- I don't know what to think of you now. I'm sorry, but I don't. All I know is you never trusted me at all, never trusted in us, while I gave you everything here, Buffy. You were my perfect happiness all along, but I was never yours. And I know well enough to leave the Titanic when it's sinking."

"Angel, you were my perfect happiness! I swear, if nothing else, believe me about tha-" Buffy tried to grab Angel's arm and turn him back around to face her as he attempted to leave the crypt, and what she got for it was a face full of vamp face and a vicious roar.

"Don't lie to me about something like that Buffy! Do not! Not in knowing what it means to me and what it once did for you, too. I can't guarantee your safety if you do."

And as he continued to look at her with nothing but hatred (Buffy was looking for the love she had come to know from this man so well, but saw none of it. How was that possible?!), she wondered if he'd really want to.

Before she could contemplate it any further, he was gone: just as Spike was coming forward to defend her once more, she saw.

Despite all of his promises to her, Angel had left Buffy once again. And Buffy knew she had no one to blame for it but herself. In acting to manipulate to try and keep him with her, it seemed she had done the one thing that had finally shaken him enough to get him to go for good. Especially since he was dealing with so much with Holtz and Connor right now.

Buffy didn't let herself cry any more around Spike, since it was sharing things with Spike that was part of why she had just lost Angel (Spike….not telling the others about them for so long… and then the lie about Purgatory, more than anything).

But like another time she refused to think about just now, once she was safely in her room, she let it all out.

"Buffy, are you okay?" It was Willow who asked this from the other side of Angel's apartment door.

Buffy had eventually gone there after what had happened between her and Angel… did. Because, ironically, she and Angel had yet to really spend time here (save the time they talked about her mom), as despite their plan to spend time there when he was in town, they'd instead either been in cemeteries or at her house. And though Buffy knew she was surely about to lose it, she didn't want to let it go… not just yet. She slept on what was supposed to be Angel's bed, took in the scent of him that was there, and didn't think of her mistakes, but rather dreamed of simpler times. bedroom door.

"Aaaaaaand wow is that a stupid question and am I even stupider for asking it, but…"

Before Willow could reprimand herself any more, Buffy opened the door—not even wanting to think how horrible she must look right now—and smiled ever so slightly at the witch. "No, Will. You're- you're not stupid. I- I'm the stupid one. He really made me feel like I was in Heaven again… but I- I realized it too late, and I did everything wrong, and now he's gone forever!" And god dammit, Buffy was sobbing again. She had to begin stepping in the right direction, and getting her life together (she had to, for Dawnie) and finally putting Angel behind her for once and for all, so what was she doing?

Fortunately, Willow was there to catch her… even as Buffy admitted to her how she had unintentionally hurt her. "Oh, Buffy," Willow seemed to cry herself, catching the Slayer and stroking her hair as they just held each other.

"Buffy, I- I'm so sorry I tore you out of Heaven," Willow said to Buffy, as she sat with her and Tara at the Magic Box, eating soup. "And those words aren't even enough. Nothing can be, I'm sure. But I wish- I wish you could have told me, or someone, so you didn't have to suffer alone."

Willow had said the last as she reached across the table to lay a comforting hand on Buffy's own. And Buffy had wanted to pull away, since Willow was unknowingly echoing some of Angel's own issues (and oh, how that stung), but knowing that Willow was just trying to help her (hell, even with the Angel situation, Buffy let her do this).

"I just… I guess I was afraid to tell you all, Wills. You brought me back, thinking I'd been in a Hell dimension. I didn't want to tell you the truth and add this unneeded guilt to your conscience, when you all had just been trying to help me. Really, you couldn't have known."

"I- I d-don't know about that, Buffy," Tara said then, refusing to meet the Slayer's eye, but Buffy could still clearly see the guilt that was plain on her face. "I mean, the stories about H-Heaven had to exist for a reason, right? And in that case, you w-would go there. And we sh-should have thought the spell had worked and ch-check your grave, at least…. We did so much wrong, Buffy, and I'm sorry."

At once, Buffy had wanted to tell Tara not to worry about it. And she knew she would soon. But hearing those heartfelt words from her friend, and seeing how much she meant them, set something free in Buffy. And she could do nothing else, but walk across the table and hug the other girl. "Thank you, Tara. Just thank you."

Once Buffy was back in her seat—trying to enjoy her tomato soup, and to not think about how it, in some ways, reminded her of blood, which of course made her think of a certain someone who was off limits now—Willow brought the topic around to the real reason for her despair. "Buffy, I hate to ask this… But Dawn, before she had to go to school and called me, said you came back home nearly catatonic, crying about Angel after your breakup… you mind telling me what happened?"

Here, Buffy laughed. And she clapped a hand over her mouth when she thought it sounded very much like the one he had been doing earlier. "I betrayed him, I suppose," Buffy admitted, trying not to think about what she was saying before she said it, and definitely not feeling anything when she did. That way, she wouldn't have to live this. That way, she could be somewhere else: just not Heaven, since that was the cause all of this. She didn't know where. Maybe with Angel before she had ruined things? Or with Dawnie? Or with her friends… or her mom? "At least, that's how he sees it. And really, he's right. He's right."

"Betrayed… how?" Tara asked curiously, cocking her head to the side.

"I lied to him about being in Limbo. And I know, I did the same with you guys," Buffy started, knowing Willow or Tara would surely point this out. "But… he was the first one I lied to it about. And I kept telling him that lie and adding to it, making it more elaborate. And then, I refused to let people know about us. Even fearing how people would react, with our history, I should have known how that would hurt him… And Spike knew about Angel, of course, but Angel had no idea about any of the Spike stuff going on here… and Spike knew I was in Heaven, because he figured it out," Buffy whispered the last, almost hoping that Willow and Tara wouldn't hear her. Because now she hated that Spike had known when none of her other loved ones had. What had she been thinking?

"But Buffy!" Willow tried, nearly knocking over her potato soup in her sudden enthusiasm, as she slapped her hands onto the table. "The Trio! We know that they're a threat now! They killed Katrina and are trying to become super villains! And, I mean, there's still maybe less of a chance that they pull that off even with their technology, than say someone like the Master with his 'grr,' but they're still dangerous! If you tell Angel, maybe he'll get over his moping and try to come save you like the Big Damn Hero he's trying to be."

"I really don't think so, Will," Buffy replied miserably, "It's a good thought. And before I broke Angel's heart for the umpteenth time, I'm sure he would have been happy to ride in to be my Knight in Shining Armor…but the last time we talked, I got the impression that the next time we met, he might be looking to kill me before any of my other adversaries…" And how it killed Buffy to say that, to acknowledge that Spike might have been right, even though she didn't entirely believe it herself.

"B-But he wouldn't do that. Right? N-Not unless he was Angelus?" Tara countered, not having even tried her chili, which seemed to hint to Buffy that she truly was only here out of the kindness of her heart. Bless the girl.

"Except that the two of them are more the same than I ever wanted to admit…" Buffy muttered, looking down at the table. "And when Angel's hurting, Angelus also comes out then."

Thus proved to be the case when Connor—Connor!—was kidnapped by Wesley (or something like that. Buffy wasn't entirely sure, since Fred had been hysterical on the phone when she called her), and Fred asked her to keep an eye out for Angel.

Buffy hadn't entirely known what that meant: to go to where this portal was and to see if Angel was attempting to make another and to jump in and stop him? To keep him from trying to kill Wesley—that he would surely do—or something else? But she'd still agreed readily, because how could she not? He was Angel. And he must have been in so much pain in losing Connor!

God, she herself was! It was enough to make her want to vomit.

In fact, suddenly trembling and weak, Buffy found herself wanting to try and make it to the bathroom to dry hurl—she hadn't been eating anything lately—when suddenly she turned around and he was there.

"Angel!" Buffy said, elated… But then she took in the coldness in Angel's eyes, and his leather pants, and suddenly felt like she was going to pass out.

"No! You're not him! You didn't have a moment of true happiness, because you cared about my pain. And we haven't been intimate since- 'since you maybe stopped caring about my pain,' Buffy thought, but didn't say. She said all of this, trying to get as fast and far away from Angel as she could, as she grabbed her stake. But the moment she had a hand on it, Angel rammed her into her closet door with all of his body weight and crushed her hand with the stake between his body and her own.

"Except that the line between us has always been rather thin, lover, and I just don't care anymore. I want someone to suffer like I have… and I think I want it to be you," he whispered in her ear in a way that might have been seductive, were it not for the words uttered.

This was her worst nightmare. Buffy had always thought that having Angelus back would be that way… But having Angel want to hurt her every bit that Angelus ever had, how was she ever supposed to cope with this or live in this world again? How?!

With all of her strength, Buffy pushed Angel away from her, knocking him ever so slightly into her nearby lamp. But that didn't seem to deter him at all. If anything, it seemed to spur him on further, as he began circling Buffy—who had come away from the door, and now had a good hand on the stake, aimed towards his heart—with an absolutely electric look. Buffy remembered this dance… And somehow, that scared her more than anything.

"Angel, this time I know you're in there. Can't I just tell you how sorry I am—and truly, I am!—so we can move on? I thought you were supposed to be all about forgiveness."

"Wrong answer, Buff," he snarled, before suddenly he sped forward and slammed her into his chest, and then forcing her to look at his face with his index finger. Buffy resisted the urge to spit at him. Only the knowledge that this was Angel, and not Angelus—and that she really thought he was acting above all else, because of his awesome heartbreak and thus he could still be reached—kept her from doing so. "That Angel is dead. Now I just want to kill you. But this time, I'll actually do it. No fuzzy feelings getting in the way this time. You destroyed those.

"But first… how to make you suffer this time, huh? You chose Xander over the your heart for a time, didn't you, my love? Perhaps I should use that as an excuse to finally get rid of the nuisance!

"Or I know! A lot of your choices also had to do with Dawn, your surrogate daughter! Maybe I should take her away from you, like I lost my son. Would that wake up the good 'old Slayer to get her to fight me?"

Angel was squeezing her cheeks together now, and when Buffy slapped his hands away, she thought he'd looked amused or calculating. But he just looked… dead. Was this just another ploy, then, to get her to kill him?

Even if it was, Buffy couldn't believe Angel had said those things to her. And she had to let him know that, "If you think I'll let you do any of those things, I'll-"

"I know," Angel interrupted with a smirk. "You'll drive a sword through my heart again. You must love choosing others instead of me, lover. And the damned Powers That Be must feel the same way."

So, it was what she'd expected, then. This was a suicide attempt on Angel's part. He thought the world truly had given up on him and wanted him gone this time, and since he couldn't go out as a man, in his eyes—thinking he'd failed at that—he'd go out as a demon.

"Angel-" Buffy started, trying to find some way, any way, to reach him. Maybe their game of saying each other's names would be a good start.

But he wouldn't have it. Suddenly, he pulled her to him and kissed her; and it wasn't unlike when he had once done so before pushing her down in a school hallway. But this time, Buffy could feel all the love that was there, and the despair, as well as the goodbye.

He put a strand of hair behind her ear and surprisingly whispered, "Be seeing you, Slayer," instead of saying it in a normal volume or shouting it, or even saying it in a snarky way. And then he was gone.

Buffy was tired. She had disbanded the Trio, and that… that had been no easy thing: it wasn't an easy thing in the obvious way of defeating them, but also in getting Jonathan and Andrew to give up on Warren (there was a good chance that Andrew was still somewhat deluded, actually).

She thought about the sweet Jonathan who she'd talked out of killing himself once, and who had given her her Class Protector award—and who had even once given her advice about Riley—and she wondered what had happened. Could she have done more to keep him from being a super villain, or was this always destined to happen?

And what of Angel? Buffy knew, deep down, he wasn't a real threat and all of the things he'd said were for show (he had, however, started feeding on lowlifes, and she didn't know how to feel about it. Because yes, they had done horrible things, but she knew they had the chance for change. Mostly, she knew he was just trying to give her reason to stake him). And it was because he was acting and suicidal, that she hadn't told anyone of his recent somewhat turn to the "dark side." She didn't want anyone telling her she needed to kill him until she knew what to do with him, thank you very much.

She was also trying so hard to find Connor—and was hoping if she did, everything would go back to normal—but so far, no luck.

So, it was for all of this, that Buffy was tired—maybe more than she should have been: perhaps she was getting old—and had decided to go to her backyard and sit on her swing for a little bit of relaxation, when who should show up but…

Xander?

"Xander, what are you doing here?" Buffy asked hesitantly, a slight smile on her face. She didn't want to assume where this was going to go, but she had a feeling.

"I'm here to tell you, like apparently Will did, that I'm an awful friend. And Buff: I fully take responsibility of that. I'm the biggest Captain of Awful to ever sail the Ocean Blue."

"Xander, what are you getting at here?" Buffy giggled, her eyebrow raised so high into her hairline, she wasn't sure it could ever be found again.

"Look. I'm probably never going to be a fan of Dead Boy. And maybe I'm sorry about that, too. Or should be. But I should have known you'd never do anything to hurt any of us, Buff. And I should have been happy that you finally got a chance to be happy, with everything you'd gone through. And now- now I hear that's maybe been somewhat taken away, with Will telling me about this kid of Angel's you both love being kidnapped. And I just want you to know… I'm sorry and I'm here for you. I love you."

Buffy couldn't help feeling guilty during some of Xander's confession here, because wouldn't you know that he was saying all of this right when Angel had gone off the deep end again. But she knew that he was really only a danger to himself. And God, did she need to hear this right now.

So, she folded Xander into her arms and kissed his cheek. "Thank you so much, Xander. You truly are the best. I love you, too."

They pulled away to grin at each other and really take in the moment, but sadly it wasn't meant to be.

Because suddenly, Buffy heard a very furious and familiar voice scream, "You think you can do that?! You think I'd let you get away with that?!" And she turned around, confused, to see Warren of all people holding a gun. And before Buffy could move, he had fired it and she suddenly found herself looking at the sky and starting to feel cold…

"Oh, God, Buffy, no! Hold on!" She thought she heard Xander's frantic voice near her, and maybe her shirt moving. Had she seen a shock of red out of the corner of her eye or, no?

Oh, who was she kidding? She'd been shot, and Xander was probably trying to seal the wound, but would it be enough? Would she die here?

She'd wanted Heaven back for so long, but now she would probably have it, and didn't long for it at all! All she wanted was…

'All I want is you…'

"No! No! No! No! No! No! NO! Buffy, mo grá, NO!"

Angel. Oh, God. Angel was here. Buffy tried to hold on. To see him just one more time, and tell him to please hold on to the light for her, but she was fading fast and knew it.

"Whoa… Dead Boy, you're sure looking Scourge of Europe-y…"

"Xander… who did this? Who did this to her?"

"God, Angel, will you get a grip? I called an ambulance, and hopefully they'll be here soon… And I'm going to go get Willow, to see if she can help, but Buffy might… God, you know. And you're going to waste that time with revenge instead of being with her? You don't deserve her."

Buffy thought she might have heard some running then, but she couldn't know.

But then- then she was in Angel's arms. She'd know them anywhere. She could have sobbed from the relief of it, if she could have felt much of anything at all.

"Just hold on, Buffy, my love. Please. Please don't leave me again." And then he was kissing every piece of her skin that he could find, it seemed. Buffy could have sang. "I know I left you again, after I promised I wouldn't. And I was so, so wrong to. But please don't leave me again, sweetheart."

"An-Angel," Buffy choked out. "I-I'm sorry I l-lied."

"No, Buffy. Save your strength. I'm the one who should be sorry, for reacting like I did. You were traumatized, and I made it all about me. And I didn't mean anything that I said. Please know that."

Heedless of what Angel had said, Buffy found that she had to tell Angel her dream. She had to.

"I-I always thought you-you'd find out d-differently. And that I-I'd be mad at you, i-if anything, w-wondering if our relationship w-was real, or if it was all b-based on the lie, and if we-we'd even have gotten b-back together in- in another world, wh-where the lie d-didn't happen. And you-" God, it was getting so hard to speak now, and see, she was so weak. But seeing his beautiful face kept her motivated and allowed her to carry on. "But you s-said those things d-didn't matter. All that m-mattered was we were t-together in the end."

She was pleased with herself that she said the last bit without stuttering and had been able to stroke his face, but that strength cost a lot. Buffy knew her body was shutting down now—Willow was taking what felt like forever to her—and her eyes started to shut.

Buffy thought she might have felt Angel's lips against her neck. But she definitely heard his promise, "All that matters is we're together in the end."

Author's Note: So obviously, it's up to you how this story ends. Does Buffy get turned into a vampire at the end, and that's how she and Angel get to finally truly be together? With the tone of this story, that's a bit darker (though still not as dark as S6)—and has a lesson about lying (though we understand why Buffy did it) and stuff like that—that's probably the case. Though I imagine that Buffy would be ensouled, of course.

Or does Willow pull the bullet out, like in the show, and now that Angel and Buffy have learned their lessons, they can now be happy with the Scoobies and A.I., and probably move into Angel's apartment a lot of the time? The side of me that prefers happy endings wants this one (because there's surely some buildup for that as well), but I know thematically door number one probably makes more sense. Or not. It's up to you!

Or is it even sadder? Does Buffy actually die, and Angel not get to see her until the afterlife?:(

I will say there's an interesting juxtaposition in this story that you guys (hopefully) picked up on, that Buffy's life is better here than in S6—because Angel is making her happier than she'd be without him—but because of the lies (and other things going on in his life, like the eventual loss of Connor)—his life is going downhill, in some regards.

Also, Willow's addiction with magic doesn't spiral out of control as badly because Buffy isn't as sad about Heaven because Angel's there with her, so Willow doesn't try the memory spell… And so there's no fall-out between her and Tara, and that means no Willow and Tara having to make up, so Tara survives "Seeing Red" here. So that means there's no Dark Willow. But since there's no Dark Willow, I think fate decided it needed Angel to be pseudo dark towards the end of this story.

There's also no "Once More With Feeling," because Heaven and being back on Earth isn't bothering Buffy AS much.

And Xander and Anya might even end up with each other, for reasons I haven't entirely figured out—it's really probably just butterfly effect stuff—because even though there is definitely some darkness in this fic, it is still happier than Buffy S6 (Likewise, I could so see Buffy figuring out some of the Jasmine plot before Cordy ascends and stopping that right in its tracks, since she and Angel are part of each other's lives in this fic).

And Buffy and Angel (unless you choose option C), are of course eventually reunited with Connor (though Buffy may be a vampire when that happens, or still the Slayer). Though they do have to deal with the Holtz-brainwashed version of him at first:(

I have to say that I had this fic idea for a long while, and started many attempts at it (and lost some bits of it, even, like an extended version of Angel and Buffy meeting at that golf course-like cemetery). And the original version of it was a little different (the idea kind of being like Buffy's "dream" there at the end), even though I could never get it fully off the ground. But finally, I realized I needed to think about what was happening in the seasons of the show when this would be taking place, and not just the Bangel aspect of the fic, and it finally came together and became the fic that wouldn't end. LOL

Anyway, I hope you all maybe enjoyed the fic. Happy IWRY. And thank you so much for everyone who's been putting it on for years. I'm so glad to finally be a part of it:)

Edit: Oh, and for anyone curious, Arianna is a super-powered (part demon) friend of Dawn's from the tie-in books;)

Edit 2: About the Joyce thing... To be honest? The reason I put that in there to begin with is maybe kind of silly, and perhaps I shouldn't have even bothered. It's because I thought people would realize that my explanation for Angel to be able to be with Buffy without becoming Angelus in this was a bit of a plot hole, if back in S5-when he clearly empathized with Buffy there-he left because he thought he was in danger of losing his soul, if he and Buffy went too far. So the only explanation I could come up with was, "What if that was because he wasn't crazy about Joyce-for the reasons I put in this fic-so actually COULDN'T empathize that much with Buffy's pain there. But every other time, of course, he can sympathize with all she's feeling about being ripped out of "Limbo" and WOULDN'T get too happy, and thus wouldn't lose his soul." IDK. Maybe I should have just left the Joyce thing out, because maybe people wouldn't have noticed the possible plot hole-and now I'm worried you guys might be miffed about Angel and Buffy's reactions to that whole development-but at the same time... part of me also kept it as foreshadowing that everything wasn't kosher between, them and that later Angelus-y esque stuff was going to happen in the story. -shrugs- At the end of the day, I have mixed feelings about this whole segment.