Beep boop beep boop beep boop...
"I'm in..." said Miles Edgeworth wearing a ski mask and a ninja outfit. His eyeballs reflected the flashing lights and colors on the giant computer monitor.
You see, he had broken into Capcom's mansion and rappelled down the chimney to access Capcom's secret super computer that contained all their plans. One day while drinking tea in his pajamas, he had read the newspaper and saw that world events were getting worse. Things like COVID and earthquakes kept happening. What's worse, Ace Attorney 7 starring John Phoenix hadn't been announced at the Gamies, AKA the Game Awards. Why? His eyes had narrowed, his brow had wrinkled. He could only suspect that the natural balance of the world had been corrupted when Dual Destinies came out instead of Apollo Justice 2.
Why? Why had that happened? How could Shu Takumi let a non-canon game be created? It made less sense than 5-2.
That's when he bought a gun and decided to take matter into his own hands.
Beep boop beep boop beep boop...
"It appears I control this cursor with this giant trackball," mused Edgeworth. He hovered over a folder on the desktop that said "Dual Destinies SECRET PLANS" and opened it.
"My god..." whispered Edgeworth, his blood turning to ice.
There was a company-wide note from Takeshi Yamazaki saying Shu Takumi had no choice but to let them make Dual Destinies, because they had kidnapped his family and were holding them hostage.
"No... Capcom, no! This can't be true! This is madness!"
But he used the supercomputer to google "did capcom kidnap shu takumi's family", the second result said "His son, Lance, has been kidnapped"
Lance? That sounded familiar...
He did a backflip and landed in the same spot and then opened the Ace Attorney Investigations Part 1 folder, and found a secret note that said Lance Amano was based on Lance Takumi, and the entire plot of AAI1-3 was a warning to Shu Takumi that they had kidnapped his precious boy Lance.
"Hmph... I find my logic bone tickled." He folded his arms and closed his eyes. "If this warning was placed in AAI1 as warning to Mr. Takumi, then his son, Lance, must be in the state of being kidnapped for over 13 years now... But he must still be alive, or otherwise Shu Takumi would've made AA7 by now."
But then an evil robot appeared over his shoulder and hooked its arms under his armpits!
"No!" cried Miles Edgeworth struggling fruitlessly. "Release me, you foul automaton!"
"Brrzt, Miles Edgeworth, you are in trouble, brrzt!"
He ceased his struggles. "How do you know my name? Speak!"
"Because I read your mind. Now, you are under arrest!"
LATER IN THE WRIGHT ANYTHING AGENCY
"John Phoenix, where's Edgeworth?" asked Uncle Wright. "Gee, he wasn't in court today! Golly I hope nothing bad happened to him."
"He's been kidnapped by a robot," said John Phoenix, yawning. "One made by Capcom. One that's also a prosecutor with a perfect win record."
Uncle Phoenix stared. John Phoenix reclined further in his armchair and interlaced his fingers over his tummy. He raised an eyebrow at his uncle.
"And what are you looking at, you utter buffoon?" asked John Phoenix.
"Um... John Phoenix... are you joking with me right now?"
"No, Uncle Phoenix. My psychic powers told me he's been kidnapped. What's more, he's being put on trial for murdering a guard in the Capcom mansion."
"And why didn't you tell me this!"
John Phoenix handed him an official piece of paper.
"Because I've been too busy taking the initiative and arranging his defense. You're co-counsel. You can hold my briefcase and stand next to me at the defense bench, but don't you dare talk to me or look at me. You'll only make a mistake and embarrass me. I might let you press certain statements if I feel like it, but do not under any circumstance present any evidence. You're not allowed."
"Thank you, sir."
AT THE DETENTION CENTER
"Kill a man...?" murmured Edgeworth. "I could never do such a thing."
"I believe in you, Edgeworth!" said Uncle Phoenix.
Edgeworth ignored him. "John Phoenix, forget about me. You have to rescue Lance Takumi! Capcom is holding him hostage somewhere."
"Lance Takumi?" said Uncle Phoenix.
John Phoenix ignored him. "Miles, your defense comes first. Besides, Capbot is prosecuting, and by going up against him in court, I believe I'll find out the truth behind Lance Takumi."
"I hope you're right..." murmured Miles. "Thank you, John Phoenix."
COURT
"Court is now in session," said the Judge.
"John Phoenix is ready," said John Phoenix.
"Beep, as am I, boop" said the Prosecutitron.
A detective was called to the stand.
"Testify, earthling" said the robot.
"Sure," said the witness. He winked and held up his Capcom employee ID badge. John Phoenix's eagle eyes noticed this.
The detective testified.
"Miles Edgeworth broke into Capcom's evil I mean good mansion with a gun to steal company secrets. A guard tried to stop him but he shot him. Here's his dead body."
The coffin was placed in the middle of the room.
"The bullet came from Edgeworth's gun," said the detective. "Ergo, he is the true murderer."
"Objection!" said John Phoenix. "Prosecutitron, you're a sham! Edgeworth can't have killed the guard!"
The gallery tittered.
"Oh?" asked the Judge. "Why is that, John Phoenix?"
"Simple. Because the prosecutor did! This evidence in my pocket proves it!"
"Beep ha boop ha" said the robot. "Your bluff has failed. My psychic powers tell me that your pocket is empty."
John Phoenix smirked. "Just as I suspected. You're not a robot at all! Because robots don't have psychic powers!"
The camera zoomed in on his face.
"Because robots don't have brains! Only cyborgs have brains!"
He splashed gasoline at the prosecution stand and threw a lit match after it. It went up in flames and activated the sprinklers.
"Oh god water" said the robot. He shot off sparks and his robotic body exploded. The smoke cleared... the fire was put out... and in the the charred remains of the robot suit, it was...
"Lance!" said Shu Takumi. He cradled his dying son. "You were a robot?"
"Yes..." coughed Lance. "Capcom kidnapped me and brainwashed me and put me in a robot suit that brainwashed me even more. They used me as the perfect prosecutor to make sure you could never make the real AA5."
"You... you look just like dakoolguy..." said Shu Takumi. "How is this possible?"
"He's my clone," said Lance Takumi. "That's why he has always fought so hard to protect you and the series from trolls... because though he didn't know it, he is genetically your son and has Lance genes."
"I never even knew that," said Shu Takumi with tears in his ears.
The evil detective took off his mask and revealed that he was a robot and also the dead guard and also that the coffin was a robot and that the dead body inside was actually a robot made to look like the evil detective who's actually a robot.
"Foolish Lance! You were never a real robot,' said the evil robot. "Just a fraud!"
"You... you were always jealous of my humanity..." said Lance. The evil robot's eyes went red.
"KILL"
But before he could, John Phoenix and Uncle Phoenix teamed-up and fused together to Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix, the mighty legal bird of Fire, and a common site in our courts today, and picked up the evil robot in their beak and crashed through the roof of the courthouse and flew into space.
"RELEASE, HUMANS"
"No" said Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix. "You're going to the sun."
When they got to the sun, they flicked the robot into the sun and it melted.
"CIRCUITS MELTING, COMPLETE FAILURE" It sunk into the lava of the sun's surface.
"Good," said Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix.
They de-fused and flew back to Earth together in a psychic bubble, John holding his Uncle's hand and leading the way.
"I can't believe it..." said Uncle Phoenix. "To think Capcom could be so evil..."
"Humans do worse, Uncle Phoenix," said John Phoenix, looking down at the Earth, so beautiful, but the closer you got, the more the blemishes and the sins stood out. "And that robot? A human programmed it."
"What do we do, John Phoenix?" asked Phoenix Wright with childlike simplicity. He was thinking of his daughter growing up in such a sinful world.
John Phoenix closed his eyes. "I was going to ask you the same question... my mentor."
They landed back in the court through the roof. It was gently raining now. Edgeworth had been found Not Guilty, and the rights to Ace Attorney had been returned to Shu Takumi now that Capcom's evil ways had been proven in court. But what did it matter now? Shu Takumi was kneeling on the ground.
"He's gone," Shu Takumi whispered. "13 years... and he's gone."
John Phoenix laid a hand on his shoulder.
"But he lives on."
They looked up, and they saw dakoolguy standing there. He was the splitting image of Lance. Shu gawked.
"It is time to make AA7," said dakoolguy. "The REAL AA7."
"You... you have my blessing."
The sun shone again.
THE END
