I sucked in a deep breath as I looked at my cousin. One thing I learned a long time ago was never to lie to him. Because one way or another, he'd find out the truth anyway. "Let's just say that Casey isn't the only one having nightmares."
Ranger arched a concerned brow. "You're having nightmares again?" He'd been there, at the end of my military career, when I was having such a hard time transitioning back to civilian life. When my demons were in control and the nightmares materialized nearly every time I closed my eyes. When exhaustion, stress and desperation almost won during one very dark and desperate night.
Feeling ashamed and frustrated, I nodded.
"How bad and for how long?"
I met his arched brow with one of my own. That, combined with my silence earned me a full-on frown. "Primo."
I held up a hand. "Before you start lecturing, Bobby already got to me. I've had three visits with Doctor Cochran in last two weeks. I'm also on his regular schedule to be seen when he comes here to see Casey."
"Have we resorted to any medications that I need to know about?"
Knowing he was worried about my ability to function in the field, I shook my head. "No meds yet and neither Dr. Cochran nor Bobby have decided to pull my weapon."
"No bullshit." He narrowed his gaze. "Should they have pulled your weapon?"
I shook my head a second time. "I'm not anywhere near that mindset again and I am sleeping better now."
"So, what are you doing to manage the nightmares?" I'm positive he's remembering that fitful night a few years ago. He spent hours sitting with me, listening to me, then talking me out of making the worst decision of my life. When I finally agreed to hand over my weapon, he'd confiscated it and all the others, then locked them away in his safe. For the next few weeks, he, Tank and Bobby took turns staying with me while I worked with Doctor Cochran.
No matter what I do in my life, I'll never be able to repay my cousin for saving my life that night. "Doctor Cochran has me doing image rehearsal therapy."
Ranger nodded in a way that made me think he knew all about that particular therapy technique. I wonder if he's had to do the same thing. With the chaos that surrounds Stephanie's life, it wouldn't surprise me if he did.
"Is it working?" he asked.
I shrugged. "I feel like it's too early to tell. I mean it's only been twelve days since we found Casey on the bridge, and I had the really bad nightmare that sent me back to Dr. Cochran."
"Speaking of Casey Miller. You want to fill me in on the parts of the story you left out for Babe's sake?"
Leave it to him to know that there was more to the story than what I was sharing.
Using one of Doctor Cochran's suggested techniques, I closed my eyes and took a moment to breathe deep and center myself. It was bad enough that every time I closed my eyes, I was still seeing her clinging to that bridge.
"Les?"
"Sorry," I replied as I opened my eyes and met his stare. "It's still hard for me because I remember every damn second of what happened."
"What did happen?" Ranger urged.
"Well, you know how I told Steph that Casey was standing alone on the Lower Trenton Bridge thinking about jumping?"
"Yes."
"The truth is, we found her clinging to the outside of the railing preparing to jump."
Other than Ranger's eyes slightly narrowing, my cousin didn't move a muscle. "Go on."
"Well, I kinda climbed over the railing after her."
"You climbed over the railing," Ranger repeated. "What were you thinking?"
What kind of question was that? "What in the hell were you thinking when you actually jumped off the bridge to save Beautiful," I snapped.
A moment of tense silence hug between us before he finally nodded and leaned back in his chair. "Fair enough. So, from your vantage point, she appeared serious about jumping?"
"She was going to do it," I said. "There was even a point where I swear, I could see her building her courage."
Ranger's attention was completely focused on me as I explained the scene to him. "She was dirty and too thin. Her features were dulled, her eyes haunted. She looked like the world had just beaten her down and she couldn't take anymore.:
"I know someone else who once looked like that," my cousin replied.
He was right and maybe that's how I knew she was really serious about jumping. "Well, that person had someone who cared enough to stop him. She was all alone. So, I knew I needed to do the same thing for her. Because there's not a doubt in my mind that if we hadn't arrived when we did, someone would have found her body floating down stream later." That thought sent a chill shimmying through my system as I remembered my most vivid nightmare.
"What was that?" Ranger asked.
Fuck, he doesn't ever miss a damn thing. "Nothing," I replied earning me a don't fuck with me look from my cousin.
"Okay." I blew out a breath. "Later that night, I had a particularly bad nightmare where I was dreaming that while chasing an FTA, Ram and I found Casey's body floating in the water."
Ranger gave a nearly imperceptible nod in response. "I get it," he finally said. "I've had nightmares about Steph after some of her more dangerous incidents." He paused and met my gaze. "The bridge incident was one of them. So, I really do understand. For both your sakes, I'm glad you were able to talk her out of it."
Feeling somewhat relieved that he did understand, I turned my attention to the window and the river in the distance. "I'm not sure if it was my promise to go into the water after her or me calling her precious that did it, but either way, before I knew it, she was crying and reaching for me."
"Would you have really gone into the water after her?"
I looked back at my cousin and met his stare. "At one point, while I was on that bridge with her, I found myself wondering if how I was feeling was how you felt that time when you jumped off the bridge after Beautiful."
He remained silent, but I could see him processing my words.
"I gave Bobby my weapon and utility belt to hold before I ever climbed the railing. I think I'd made my decision before even I realized it." I paused then added. "Tank has video of the whole thing if you want to see it,"
"Maybe later," he replied. He studied me for a moment longer then caught me off guard with his change of questioning. "So, you were still having nightmares when she was in the hospital, correct?"
"Yes."
How have you been sleeping since she's been here with you?"
"The first couple of nights I didn't have any nightmares. Of course, she'd ask me to sleep with her because she was still afraid."
Ranger opened his mouth to speak, but I held up a hand to stop him. "It was purely platonic and once she grew more comfortable, she decided to try and sleep alone. It was when I went back to my own bed, the nightmares returned. But they're not as often and they're easier to deal with. Especially, since I can get up and go check on her. Once I see that she's in her bed asleep, I can usually go back to bed without any more issues."
I smirked. "I guess it's good we went ahead with the core team apartment upgrades when we did. Otherwise, it would have been a real scramble finding a spot for her here."
"True," Ranger replied. "Though, honestly, those apartment upgrades should have happened a long time ago. Being part owners and having more responsibilities than the others, you three deserved to have someplace nice to live."
"Just like you, all three of us could have bought our own homes and just like you we all chose to stay here." I glanced back toward his closed door. "Though I will admit, if Rangeman keeps growing the way it is, we may need to consider purchasing another building."
"You're ESP is working overtime again, Primo," he replied.
Well, that was cryptic. I cocked my head to the side and shot him a confused look. "What do you mean?"
"We'll talk more later, during the core team meeting, but I will say that some changes may be coming to Rangeman."
"Really?" I arched a brow. "I'm intrigued."
"You're also tired," he replied. "I can see it in your face."
No way was I going to try and argue that point with him. Not when we both knew he was right. "I think I'm still trying to catch up on my sleep. When Casey was in the hospital under psychiatric evaluation I barely slept. The good thing is, now that she's here I can sort of relax."
"What do you mean sort of?"
I took a few minutes to explain the situation with The Wishing Well and the meeting we had with Morelli and Shaw.
"For the record, Morelli's still a dickhead," I grumbled.
"You'll get no argument from me," Ranger replied. "He's a good cop, but personality wise, he's still an ass. We have an understanding because of Steph, but that doesn't mean we're friends." He grinned. "I would love to have seen the look on his face when you had him against the wall."
I managed a smile of my own as I thought back to the way Morelli reacted. "I'm sure Hector has it on video since he recorded the entire meeting.
"I'll have to get him to send me a copy," Ranger replied. His smile faded and his expression turned serious. "Any word on the other two girls?"
I shook my head. "We sent teams to canvas all the areas where the girls might have been but didn't find them. Hector and Ramon even reached out to all their contacts but came up empty. It's like their ghosts."
"It's possible that Pfeiffer or Kowalski already got to the girls."
My stomach turned at that thought. The last thing I wanted was to break that kind of news to Casey. She'd had enough trauma and loss already in her life. "We have considered that possibility, but we're still looking. In the meantime, I'm going to do everything possible to protect Casey. I've assigned Zero to be her bodyguard when I can't be with her."
"I thought Zero was on the DL because of his knee."
"He is," I said. "His bodyguard duties are off the Rangeman books. I'm paying him out of my own pocket."
If Ranger hadn't thought I was serious about Casey already, I'm pretty sure that admission sealed it for him. Especially considering the look of concern now claiming his features. He took a deep breath. "Les, I'm probably one of the last people on the planet to give you relationship advice. But I have to point out that she's a deeply wounded individual and is going to need a lot of patience and love to get better."
"What's your point?"
"My point, is when it comes to women you've been a player since puberty. Do you honestly think you're ready to settle down and commit to one woman?"
"You were also a huge playboy." I pointed out. "Now you're a happily married man."
"True, but I've been obsessing over Stephanie for years. You only met Casey once and under extremely stressful conditions."
"As you already know, she and I have been writing to each other ever since that night," I replied feeling a bit defensive. "I've learned a lot about her in her letters and I while I can't explain or define it, I'm telling you, there's something about her. If I didn't know better, I'd swear I was already in love with her."
Ranger looked as if he was about to argue my point, so I pushed up from the chair, leaned over and placed my hands on his desk to where I was looking him in the eye. "You were in different women's beds nearly every night until the day you walked into that diner. So, don't even try to tell me that love at first sight doesn't exist."
He held my stare for a solid minute before he finally gave a nod and leaned back in his chair again. "Fair enough," he replied. "Put Zero back on the books. There's no need for you to pay him out of your own pocket. She'll remain under your and Rangeman's protection for as long as she needs it."
"Thank you," I replied as the tension eased from my body. "Honestly, though, you don't need to worry about any expenses connected to her. I'll take care of whatever it is she needs. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with her continuing to stay here."
"I am," he replied. "And we can compromise. You take care of her personal expenses, but Rangeman will cover anything in connection to her protection."
When I started to protest, he held up a hand, stopping me. "You, Tank and Bobby have allowed this company to bleed money over my need to help and protect Stephanie. It's only fair that when you need the help you get it too."
"I don't know what to say."
He shrugged. "There's no need to say anything. Though, I gotta tell you, I'm not sure I've ever seen you this twisted about a woman before." He leaned back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head. "Honestly, I believe she's going to make you a better man."
For the first time since Gene announced that Ranger and Steph were back, I gave him a genuine smile. "Strangely enough, so do I."
