Two days after Casey's introduction to Tank's cats, I was in bed, wide awake, and thinking about everything that happened this past year. It was about this time last year I was shot protecting Beautiful during the Dario Giovanni distraction. From there, the rollercoaster began. Ranger was injured during the Christmas party, then New Year's Eve blizzard happened, followed by the Blackmore takedown at the end of January.

It wasn't long after that my cousin and Steph got married. Then my Uncle had his heart attack, and Steph and Hal were nearly killed in a car accident. Sometime during all that mess, I began writing to Casey at the rehab.

Since there was no shutting off my brain and going back to sleep, and it was too early for me to show up in the gym, I needed to find something to keep me occupied. Otherwise, I'd lay here and ruminate over everything. Which is something Doctor Cochran told me to be careful doing when I should be sleeping. Allowing my brain to go off on its own would train it that it was okay to keep moving when I should be sleeping.

I'd already tried re-direction and box breathing. Neither appeared to be working this morning.

I leaned over the side of my bed, and opened the bottom drawer of my nightstand, then pulled out the box holding all of Casey's letters to me. I lifted the lid and pulled out the envelope sitting on top. Then I took a moment to listen and make sure Casey was still sleeping. When I didn't hear her moving around in the apartment, I pulled the letter from the envelope, leaned back in bed, and unfolded the crinkled paper.

Dear Lester,

I hope you are still doing well. Did you pass the yearly firearms test you told me about in your last letter? How is the new man you hired working out? Is his name really Falcon?

I was so happy to receive your last letter. The timing couldn't have been more perfect since it was my birthday. My counseling team tried to make it special for me by giving me a cake after dinner. While I miss my family and friends, I am thankful for the staff's attempt to make my day special. My group counselor gave me a crochet set with yarn, which I'm excited to use. Maddie gave me a braided bracelet and Izzy a small painting of a tulip. She knows how much I love flowers. Especially tulips. Both of their presents were made during one of the classes offered here.

After my counseling session and my little party, I spent the rest of the day walking the grounds and enjoying the warm weather. There's a place on the property where there are park benches that overlook a man-made pond containing Koi fish. Two of the benches face the East while the other two face the West. I sat on the bench in the warm air and watched as the sun set on the horizon.

I'm not sure when the last time was that I watched the sunset. Despite the distant noise from the highway and the sounds drifting out of the main building, it was still a good evening. The sky was painted in brilliant colors of pink, purple, and orange, until finally, the light gave way to the moon and stars.

I wish I could begin to describe the amazing sunsets that happen back home. I lived in the country, where there weren't any large buildings to get in the way, or sounds of industry to break through the peace. It's about this time of the year when the aroma of the blooming honeysuckle carries on the wind, completing the experience. Also, without all the lights of the urban area to get in the way, the stars are so much brighter.

Though I have to admit, even if I was back home, I probably wouldn't go out after dark anymore. I've learned the hard way what a dark and dangerous place the world can be for a single defenseless woman. But I promised myself that I wouldn't fall down that hole again. Dwelling on what happened to me won't help me get better. That's what Trudy said. She told me that I needed to learn to accept it because no matter how much I might want to go back in time and change things, it can't be undone. So, I needed to understand that I was going to have to live with it for the rest of my life. While what happened was horrible, I can still have a full and happy life.

Right now, I'm still struggling to see what life will look like without my family and friends as a part of it. I've been here for almost five months, and I still haven't heard from anyone in my family. The only letters I've received are from you. Please promise me that as long as I'm here you won't stop writing to me. Besides Maddie and Izzy, you're the only other friend I have. I'll be eagerly looking forward to your next letter.

Your friend,

Casey

If I hadn't been the one to find her on that bridge back at the end of October things could have ended much differently for her. An involuntary shiver rippled through me at that thought. Even with the current threat hanging over Casey's head and the long recovery she still faced, there weren't words to describe how grateful I was right now.

I refolded the well-read letter and placed it back in its envelope before I glanced over at the clock again. It was nearly five, which meant, I could get dressed and head down to the gym without Bobby giving me the stink eye again.

He knows I've been faithful in keeping my appointments with Doctor Cochran, but that wouldn't stop him from limiting my field time if he thought I still wasn't sleeping well. While my nights have improved since Casey arrived, there are still times when my mind simply won't shut off. Last night was one of those nights.

I tossed off the covers and moved to the dresser to grab my gym clothes. I'd just pulled on my shorts when an idea came to me. In her letter, Casey talked about loving flowers. I should take her to Longwood Gardens. This time of year, they'd also have their Christmas lights up. In the spring when all the flowers were blooming, I could take her to Grounds for Sculpture. She'd love the gardens there. Maybe I could even take her to Point Pleasant or Ranger's house in Deal. There's nothing like watching the sunrise on the beach.

In a much better mood, despite once again not sleeping well, I slipped out of the apartment and headed for the gym. I was a good five miles into my run on the treadmill when another thought occurred to me. Because of what happened to her, she'd become conditioned to be afraid of the dark. That would need to change if she was going to be able to live a happy life.

Don't get me wrong. My need to protect her is almost overpowering, but I also must be realistic. I won't be around all the time to protect her, and I can't keep a bodyguard with her forever. Besides, learning to defend herself will help with her confidence and fear.

One of the best and easiest ways to help make that change would be to teach her some self-defense moves. She'd mentioned in a previous letter about wanting to be like Stephanie one day. Well, part of why Steph was a badass was because she knew how to defend herself. Plus, if I knew Casey could protect herself it might ease some of my anxiety from the constant need to keep her safe.

When I finished my run, I went in search of Cal, Ram, and Hector. Their help would be vital in teaching her what she needed to know.


It was early the next morning when I convinced Casey to come down with me to the gym. We'd barely made it through the doors when she stopped quickly as her wide eyes scanned the room. "So, this is when all the guys are here," she said as she glanced over her shoulder at me. "I'm always down here later in the morning to clean and it's almost always empty."

"That's because when you're here, it's between times for shifts. Guys are either working or sleeping," I replied.

"So, why am I down here now?" she asked.

"I wanted to show you something," I replied then motioned to the mats where Cal was currently working with Kristina while Hal looked on.

Casey frowned. "Why is Kristina in the ring?"

"She's working on her self-defense moves."

Casey looked from the ring to me and back. "But why isn't she working with Halden?"

I was so glad that Hal wasn't within hearing distance of us. Much like Ram and Woody, he'd told Casey that she didn't have to call him by his given name. He'd even told her he preferred Hal. She'd explained how, to her a nickname was something intimate shared by close friends or family. Since she didn't know him that well yet, it was only proper to call him by his given name. Just like Ram and Woody, he'd acquiesced.

"Because Cal is an expert in Ju-Jitsu and is better at teaching self-defense," I replied, then took her by the hand and led her toward the ring.

"Lester, what are you doing?" The panic in her voice had me stopping to look back at her even as she pulled against me. Unfortunately, the look on her face matched her tone. Her fear was real.

Okay, so I guess I needed to explain my thought process. So, maybe she won't be so afraid. "I've been thinking about how we can help, so you don't have to live in fear anymore. I believe that learning how to properly protect yourself will go a long way in making that happen. I brought you down here this morning because I wanted you to see a little of what Kristina is doing. That way you could understand it better. I also wanted you to meet Cal and talk with him."

"Wait." She held up a hand. "You want me to get in that ring with him?"

"Yes."

"But-" Her gaze darted to Cal and then back to me and the fear in her eyes grew.

"Let's just sit and watch for a few minutes. You don't have to do anything right now, okay?"

Her attention darted between me and Cal. "Well…okay."

We sat on the bench next to the wall and for the next ten minutes, watched as Cal worked with Kristina. When they were done, he walked over to us. Knowing how skittish Casey was right now and how big he was, I expected her to be afraid of him. He scooped up his shoes from the rack and sat down next to me. As he began putting on his shoes, he turned his head to look across me at Casey. "Hi, Casey. We haven't officially met, but I'm Cal. I work with Lester."

"Hi," she replied. "Um…nice to meet you. Lester said that Cal was your nickname and that your given name is Calvin. Is that right?"

He smiled at her. "That's correct. They guys told me about your aversion to nicknames. While I usually only let my mother call me by my given name, I think I can make an exception for you."

"It would only be until I get to know you better," she replied. "Then maybe I'll be more comfortable with using your nickname."

His smile widened at her reply. "Good to know." Then he nodded toward the ring. "What did you think?"

"Um…" She sucked her lower lip between her teeth as she glanced at me.

"It's okay. Just be honest," I replied.

"Well, it looks violent and dangerous," she said.

He chuckled. "It kind of is, but it will also help Kristina to protect herself if she ever lands in a dangerous situation." His smile disappeared and a look of sympathy claimed his features as he stared at her. "Like what happened to you. I know it's probably not in your nature to fight back, but you've lived the alternative and I know none of us here would ever want you to have to go through that again."

"Agreed," I said. "And like I told you earlier, I don't want you living in fear."

She looked from me to Cal then over to the ring. "You really think I could learn to do that?"

"Yes," Cal and I said at the same time.

"I suppose I could try." Her attention shifted to the clock on the far wall, "but I don't have time right now. I have to go get breakfast ready for the day shift."

"How about we meet back here after you're done with dinner?" Cal asked. "We can start with something simple and ease your way into it."

Several seconds of silence met his question. Just when I thought she was going to back out she finally gave him a nod. "Okay. I'll try."

My brave girl.

It ended up being a busy day, with a fire breaking out at one of our client's businesses, an installation that turned sour when the homeowner freaked out at the sight of Hector, and what was a supposedly malfunctioning home alarm. There ended up being nothing wrong with the alarm. Instead, it was the result of the teenage son skipping school and coming home early. He didn't know the password to shut off the system, then hid when we showed up.

During the day, I managed to see Casey a couple of times in passing. She seemed to be doing well with Zero helping her move around the food carts and carry the cleaning supplies and laundry. Still recovering from an incident from a couple of weeks ago that messed up his knee, Zero remained on restricted duty. Desperate to get off monitor duty, he volunteered to continue helping Casey and Ella with all the daily chores.

At a little after seven Casey met me at the apartment and we made our way down to the gym.

"Are you sure I'm dressed correctly for this?" She motioned to her dress. "I mean Kristina was in shorts and a t-shirt."

"Would you feel comfortable in shorts and a T-shirt?" I asked as we stepped into the elevator, and I pressed the button for three.

"I don't know," she replied. "I mean I'm trying to be more modern in my clothing choices, but shorts might be a bit much still. Of course, since I don't own any, I guess it probably doesn't matter."

"I'd be happy to buy you some if that's what you wanted."

She grinned. "You just bought me a bunch of new clothes."

I reached out to cup her cheek as I stared down at her. "And if you wanted more, I'd buy you more. I'll give you whatever your heart desires."

She held my gaze for a moment, before rising on her tiptoes and brushing a soft kiss across my lips. "Thank you, but I think we'll skip the shorts and t-shirts for now."

The carriage stopped and the doors opened. "If it makes you feel any better, I did check with Cal," I said. "He said it would be best for you to learn in your regular clothes anyway."

"It doesn't," she replied as we walked into the gym. Much to my surprise, not only was Cal waiting for us, but so was Stephanie, Kristina, and Bobby.

"What are you guys doing here?"

"Cal thought it would be a good idea for Bobby to be here, just in case anything went wrong," Kristina said.

"Bobby told me about it," Stephanie added. "And I thought maybe Casey could use some female support. So, I called Kristina and asked her to come down with me." She motioned to Casey. "If you'd rather us not be here we can leave."

Casey shook her head. "No. Please stay. I think at this point I can use all the support I can get."

"Okay," Cal said as he clapped his hands together. "Casey, take off your shoes and socks and step into the ring."

She slid out of her sneakers and socks, set them in the cubby, then I held the ropes open for her to climb between.

He held out his hands. "I know you're nervous, so let's start with something simple."

"Okay," Casey murmured.

As he began explaining to her what he wanted to accomplish, Steph leaned over and whispered. "What do you think of Casey's hair?"

I slid her a side eye as I stared at the ring. "I'm getting used to it."

I caught her smile in my peripheral vision. "You liked it long."

Now I did turn to look at her. "I did, but the important thing is, she likes it, and she has a bit more confidence because of it. So, thank you."

Steph's smile remained as her brows winged up. "I can remember a time when looks were everything to you."

"She's still beautiful," I replied. "And I've grown."

"Yes, you have," Steph replied. "And it looks good on you."

Accepting Steph's compliment for what it was, I turned back to watch Cal work with Casey.

"Okay, let's say you're walking, and someone approaches you and grabs you by the wrist." He reached out and took her wrist in his big hand and for a moment, she froze. "Relax, Casey," he said.

She looked from his hand to his face then took a deep breath.

"Good," he praised. "Now I want you to take your free hand and place it over mine."

She did as he instructed.

"Now, take the arm I grabbed, and I want you to swing it under mine and with your hand grab my wrist. Keep your other hand on top of mine."

It took Casey a couple of tries and Kristina stepping in to help before she got it. "Okay, now what?"

"See how you have my arm at an awkward angle?" Cal said.

She nodded.

"You're going to push forward so that I have no choice but to go to my knees or risk you breaking something."

She did as he instructed sending Cal down to one knee. "Good," he praised. "Now, you let go, turn, and run."

They worked the move several times until she felt comfortable. "You're doing great," he said as he positioned her for the next lesson. "Okay, the next move I'm going to show you will be an approach from behind."

He wrapped one arm across the top of her chest and reached around to cover her mouth with the other hand. The moment his hand came in contact with her face she froze, her eyes going wide with terror. I leaped from the bench, but her scream pierced the air before I could reach the ring. The next thing I knew she went limp in Cal's arms, causing him to almost panic as he slowly lowered them to the floor.

Bobby reached them at the same time I did. "What did I do?" Cal asked as he shifted a now limp Casey into my arms.

I shook my head. "It's my fault. I should have warned you about how she was taken."

"Oh shit." Cal ran a hand over his head.

He could say that again. "During one of our talks, she told me that she tried running from them, but one of the thugs came up from behind, wrapped his arms around her, and covered her mouth with a cloth soaked in something. My guess would be ether or chloroform."

While I explained the situation to Cal, Bobby checked Casey over. "She's okay." He sat back on his heels and looked between us. "She just fainted."

"Fainted from the stress of having to relive her worst nightmare," I grumbled. I can't believe I didn't once consider the possibility that she could have such a visceral reaction. Especially when I knew how much her kidnapping still bothered her. "I'm such an idiot."

"No, you're not," Bobby argued as he reached into his bag to find his smelling salts.

"I should have thought about how she could react to self-defense training."

"You were trying to do the right thing for her," Steph said from where she leaned against the ring post watching yet, keeping out of our way. "Nobody can fault you for that, Lester."

"Bomber's right," Bobby said as he cracked open the smelling salts and waved it under Casey's nose. "You can't beat yourself up for trying to help her."

She moaned in my arms and lifted a hand. "Easy, Precious. You're okay."

"Mmmm…. Lester?" Slowly, she opened her eyes.

"I'm here," I murmured. "You're okay. You just…" How could I describe what happened so she wouldn't get upset again? "Got overwhelmed," I finally said.

Her brow knit as she looked up at me. "Overwhelmed?" Then she was pushing to sit up.

"Easy," Bobby warned. "Go slow."

"I don't understand," she murmured. "What hap-" The remainder of her sentence died when she spotted Cal. "Oh, Dear Lord, I…" She closed her mouth and looked at me with a hint of embarrassment in her expression.

"I'm so sorry, Casey," Cal said as he eased down to one knee. "Please understand if I'd known the details of how…well about what would trigger you, I wouldn't have tried that move so soon."

She buried her face against my chest as she shook her head.

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about," I said against the top of her hair.

"I doubt Stephanie or Kristina have fainted like that," she shot back.

"Actually, I have," Steph said from where she remained leaning against the ring post.

Casey lifted her head to turn and look at Beautiful. "You have?"

Steph nodded. "I've been through a lot of crap over the years. When I finally decided that if I was going to continue being a bounty hunter, it was also time I got serious about my training."

"I remember," Cal said, dragging Casey's attention back to him. "The first day of training was just a few days after her last kidnapping. She'd have a little freak out with every new move I tried with her. We'd have to take time to work through what caused her reaction before trying again." He lifted his hand to his chin and rubbed. "Come to think of it, I think it was a similar move that caused Angel to faint."

"It was," Steph said. "I felt so vulnerable and small. Plus, it brought back some terrible flashbacks about the kidnapping." Her look turned soft as she stared at Casey. "I was lucky in that I was taken as a way to lure Ranger. So, I was treated pretty well until I was saved. Knowing how I felt, I can only imagine what you were feeling after everything you've been through."

"You see," I said. "I told you there was nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I do think that's enough for today though," Bobby said as he pushed to his feet. "We don't need to make the situation worse."

"No!" Casey nearly shouted then struggled to pull away from me and scrambled to her feet.

I let her go, then followed even as confusion rippled through me. "What do you mean no?"

"I don't want to end this session like that. If I do, I'll never want to try again." She turned to face Cal. "Can we please just try one more time?"

His brow knit as he looked from me to Bobby then back to her. "Of course. If you're sure."

She smoothed down her skirt and squared her shoulders as a look of determination filled her face. "I'm sure."

Damn. I don't think I could be prouder of her than I am right now.


It was around eight p.m. when we walked back into the apartment. I closed the door and then reached out to grab Casey's hand. "Hey."

She stopped, then turned to look back at me.

"I want you to know how fucking proud I am of you," I said.

She smirked as she pulled away and walked farther into the living room.

I frowned as I followed. "What was that look for?"

She plopped down on the couch, then looked up at me. "My having a panic attack and passing out is hardly something to be proud of."

Oh hell no. There wasn't any way I was going to allow her to discount what she did tonight. I crossed the living room and eased onto the sofa next to her. "I'm proud of you because, after your panic attack, you could have called it quits. Instead, you dug deep, fought through your fear, and went back for more."

She was staring at the wall as I spoke and didn't move when I finished. Finally, after a good minute of silence, she took a deep breath. "I did that for a couple of reasons."

"Okay," I said, hoping that she would elaborate.

"You and your friends have gone out of your way to help me. So, I figured the least I could do was my part. Plus, I just really don't want to be afraid anymore and I can see where the self-defense lessons will help with that."

"They will," I said as I reached out to cover her hand with mine. "So will learning how to use a gun."

Her attention jerked from where she'd been staring at the wall to my face. "A gun? But I don't like guns."

"Neither does Stephanie, but that hasn't stopped her from learning to shoot." I gently bumped my shoulder against hers. "If I remember correctly, it was her knowledge and comfort with her weapon that protected you from Blackmore's goon back in January."

She snorted at my statement and a small smile tipped her lips. "True. I was in awe of her bravery as I watched her through the little space between the stall door and the wall. Jerry was a big scary guy, yet she was so steady when she held her gun on him." Casey shifted her gaze to where our hands were joined. "That was his name. Izzy, Maddie, and I secretly referred to him as Jerry the Jerk."

"Well, Jerry the Jerk is behind bars. So, you don't have to worry about him anymore," I said.

"Also true," she replied, "but I do have to worry about the unknown, don't I?"

"You'll be able to worry less and enjoy life more if you're well prepared to defend yourself. That means continuing the self-defense lessons with Cal, taking shooting lessons from Ram, and eventually learning from Hector how to use a knife as protection."

"Have I met Hector?" she asked.

I shook my head. "Not officially. I've been holding off because I wasn't sure how you'd react to him."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because he's a former gang member with tattoos on his face."

Her brow knit as she looked at me. "Why would anyone want to tattoo their face?"

"Well...the tattoos represent the number of people he's killed."

Her eyes widened as her lips formed an O. "And you're okay with me being around him?"

I nodded. "He can be scary and deadly when the moment calls for it, but deep down he has a heart of gold. He treats Stephanie like his little sister and would do anything for her."

"So, do you think he'll like me?"

"Oh, Precious, he's going to love you."

Several silent seconds passed between us before she took a deep breath and nodded. "I trust you, Lester. So, if you want me to learn these skills, then I will."

I couldn't ask for anything more.