"********* Shepard's cabin is on floor one. Why are you proceeding downwards?" The feminine robotic voice who's disrupting my pleasing elevator music asks.
"I am going to give Jack something first then head up" it's been over a month since she invaded my personal bubble. We have interacted a number of times in different situations. Mostly dinner talk or when it was rest and relaxation time in the recreation room. We were never alone together but that hasn't stopped her from repeatedly suggesting red light district pass times. A tremendous amount of discipline was required to ignore her every time. She's not really my type. Something about bald women with numerous tattoos is a massive turn off despite her alluring figure. I'm not listening to those urges. I know what will happen if I do.
Jack reminds me of my previous self. It has been such a long time and I drastically changed compared to who I use to be, the young me feels like a dead person. I remember growing up feeling so angry. I was mad because other children in school would cheat during games at recess, teachers holding me to a different standard then other student. My efforts being ignored. When I called others out on their poor behavior, they acted as if it was me who was the issue. Thinking back, I had a small Messiah complex. It was so vexing that I was doing all the good things while others seemed to basically do whatever they want and only get a slap on the wrist while I was made to feel like the most horrible little crotch spawn on the face of the earth. When people did things, they aren't supposed to is what really got to me. I never expected others to be saints as I was not one, but I thought bad behavior was not supposed to be tolerated.
My anger issues were my own problem to deal with and when I was diagnosed with a sleep disorder, being sleep deprived from lack of REM sleep nearly my entire childhood and the numerous health problems that came with it, it took time for my body to heal and the rage to simmer. Before then I would read philosophy and took an interest in Buddhism. The end or reducing of suffering made quite the appeal. It wasn't until I read meditations by Marcus Aurelius that it finally clicked for me. It's wishful thinking it will do the same for Jack, but she deserves a chance. I use my energy reserves to produce a copy of his great work. EDI can only detect our biometrics and if we are carrying weapons for security purposes but nothing else.
The elevator door slides open, and I step out. I'm about to turn when my inner voice attempts to coax me back. I wish that thing would die. It didn't stop me from sprinting up the beach at D-day, it'll be shameful to succumb to it now. I take a deep breath and march forward. I walk down the stairs and locate the biotic's space. She's not there. I place the book in her army green cot and notice something. Her bed is nicer than mine. It's basically brand new. Mine has holes towards the bottom. Unequal treatment. I'm having a serious conversation with Shepard after whatever he wants. Oh yeah, I have to head up. I return to the ascension box and go meet the big man. As I bask in the glory of the top level, the angel of provocation welcomes me.
Miranda crosses her arms "We've been waiting forever. If I ask you to be where I need you to be, I expect you there immediately."
"Learn some patience. I took a minute to drop something off for Jack. You need to be reminded I do not work for you. I am here for that guy…" I point to Shepard. His head bows.
"And if you wanted to boss me around and be on top of me, you can always invite me behind your desk anytime" Miranda's jaw drops. She takes a step back. Her small hands drop near her hips. Fists with biotic lights are noticed by us. I scoot closer to Shepard's private office to take cover behind his massive model ship collection.
"Would both of you shut the hell up! Miranda you need to stop setting him off and ********* just be quiet. Why don't we all take a moment to breath" Shepard has an excellent suggestion. I close my eyes and focus on the flow of energy into my lungs. The air inside the ship feels empty, apart from the oxygen and dust. There's very little energy in the local environment. Found on Inner peace. Pleasing stillness. Harmonic calm.
"********* I called you up here because I need to make use of your charisma" Shepard said.
"Say what?" My body is sending concerning signal to my cranium.
"We are going to the citadel. Garrus tracked someone who's partial responsible for killing his team on Omega. While we are there, I'm going to request a meeting with the council" Shepard's plan sounds innocent enough but I hear guilt in his voice.
"I don't see the issue or why I'm needed" what's he hiding?
"This will be the first time I've set foot on the citadel since… when I came back, I had a very long video call with Captain Anderson. Things are Rocky between us. It's a tough pickle we're in. While I'm there, I'm going to ask the council to reinstate my Spectre status. I'll need a majority vote. Anderson will vote in my favor and the salarian councilor gives the impression he likes humans being involved in galactic affairs. That is two votes. I'll need one more and the turian councilor definitely won't vote yes. I need you with me at the meeting and sweeten up the asari councilor" he brought me up here for that?!
"Shepard. What. Exactly. Are. You. Asking. For?" Nervousness builds with anticipation.
"Nothing major. Just do what you normally do and things should go our way" Shepard said.
"Yes, follow his advice. Other women fancy you for some reason" Miranda burns me. I growl at her. She doesn't react.
"Didn't I say to break it up earlier! ********* I'll message you when we need to go. Shepard frees me. As I exit the bigger than you'd imagine commander cozy get away, Shepard asks Miranda why she presses on my nerves. The Australian biotic woman claims she doesn't know and that I get her pissed for some reason. When the halfway closed elevators provide cover, I call her by Jack's affectionate nickname. Her face soaked with frustration will haunt my nightmares. Hastily, the third-floor button is pressed repeatedly, and I return to my floor. Walking back to my room, I find Garrus leaning back with his arms crossed and one foot pressed against the wall, trying to look cool, and succeeding.
"Hey Garrus. Shepard told me about our visit to the citadel. Do you want to talk about what happened? Or vent and I pretend to listen?"
"Not now. We'll talk later. You can go in and deal with your mess" Garrus nods his head into our shared space. I keep my space tidy. What is he referring to? I open the door and find Jack. The second she sees me; I'm pulled into the room and the door is slammed shut with biotic force.
"What the hell were you doing in my room?! Did you touch my fucking shit? Why is this book by this bastard on my bed?" Jack pushes me against the wall.
"Do not talk about him like that. That book is a copy of mine, and I was planning to give it to you. I had to make a trip out of my room and stopped to give it to you except you weren't there, so I left it on your bed. What a lovely show of gratitude" I'm getting warm. Not appropriate given her temper.
"Why the fuck did you do that? I didn't ask for this" Jack steps back and gives me breathing space.
"I wanted to help you" I said those words from the bottom of my heart. Her first response indicates she knows I'm being genuine which is followed by a weirded out reaction.
"I didn't ask you for shit and why this book for fucks sake?"
"I… I wanted to help you with your anger issues because there was no one that helped me, and it sucked. That book gave me one of the key pieces for relief from my hatred. I think it will help you" I said.
Jack's in disbelief "you had anger issues? You're as calm as a Hindu cow. I know because I could never wild you up."
"I wasn't always like this, and you don't have to be either."
"I don't need anyone's help. I like who I am and if someone doesn't, they can go to hell" Jack's body language indicates she is preparing for a fight. A defensive mechanism. I have to calm her down before I have to do something I'll regret, a tiny bit.
"Look... We both had incredibly difficult times growing up. You had the worst of it, and I got lucky getting out of my torment. You don't know what it is like not living without that burning corrosive feeling constantly being produced. You feel strong because you had to be, and you formed this shell around you where you don't have to feel anything else. You're strong and nothing will get to you. No one cared about you so why should you care about anything else. It feels good, a false sense of safety. But this also closes yourself off from everything. You won't be able to feel anything else if you aren't willing to be open" Jack turns away. I stroked her core. She has nothing to say.
"Look, it's your life and you can do whatever you want with it. I only wanted to help but I can't make a horse drink water. I did my part. Do whatever you want" I gesture to her to leave. She's about to when she stops.
"You're a fucking weirdo but alright. This feels weird, whatever this is. You didn't touch my shit, did you?" I shake my head.
"Good. Come by whenever you'd like. I'll show you a crazy time. Haha."
I know what she means "That is not happening" Jack knows I'm firm in my stance.
"You're no fucking fun. Your lost. See you around" Jack leaves my door and Garrus swoops in.
"My human roomate is still alive? I was half expecting a crime scene. Trouble with your girlfriend?" Garrus sneers.
"I'm not going to date her, just trying to help her out. Wait, you said crime?" That's ringing a bell. I scan my space. I look under my cot and check if it is in my laundry basket my mistake. I make sure it's not over with Garrus's stuff. Yep, it is gone. I exit our room and yell into the hall "Kasumi you really stole my pillow of all things? Give it back! I know you can hear me"
