Zaeeed is leaning against the wall, arsm crossed and balancing on one leg. Intermittently glancing between me and his favorite gun Jessie as we chat back and forth "I escaped a batarian prison single handedly."
"I once helped a mechanic rebel against a tyrannical general using dangerous light frisbees."
"I pulled off a krogan head plate with a rusty old knife."
"I got second place in a tournament where we used marbles that turned into giant creatures to fight."
"I smuggled onto a turian warship and crashed it planetside. Somehow survived."
"...Oooo! I tested my strength against this super strong man who could turn blonde at will."
"Nice try I've seen dragon ball."
"Original or kai?"
Commander Shepard walks into Zaheed's room of trophies. He says hi to Zaheed and he nods "commander." I sense a light tension and awkwardness between them. It is a lot weaker than what I had imagined. Or I'm reading too far into it, and they just don't like each other.
"********* What are you doing?" Shepard asks.
"Swapping war stories with Zaheed. He has nearly as many stories as I do and that is quite surprising to be completely honest" I am astonished.
"And the ones he tells me I don't understand. The hell is a light frisbee?" Zaheed asks.
"OH THEY WERE SO COOL! It is a disc on your back which you remove. If you push a button it lights up and forms an energy blade. If I hit someone, they exploded into little cubes. That place was so awesome. You would have loved their motorcycles." I should go visit Beck after this universe.
"Video game?" Shepard asks.
I reply "Computer world"
"If this is a bad time, I can come back" Shepard offers.
Zaheed's rough grumple voice permeates the air "Nah it's fine. What's the bugger? Illium again? The stars out my window look familiar."
"That's where we are heading. Liara needs my help with something. Have you been there *********?" Shepard asks me.
"No, I haven't but I've seen pictures and videos. I haven't seen Liara since the hotel. Did you know she wasn't at your private service?" I said.
"Yes, she told me. Also, she was the one who found my body and handed me over the cerberus. I tried talking to her about it, but the memory of my mangled body traumatized her. Whatever happened to me, I'm very lucky to be alive" Shepard said.
"Almost as ugly as me?" Zaheed asks.
Shepard responds "Got really close to it. ********* Would you come with? Liara wants to see you and I figured you could use the time away from Garrus. Have things settled between you two?"
"It's been a few days and the friction between us is almost gone. Garrus feels terrible for snapping at me and apologizes multiple times a day. I'm letting the guilt and shame stew in him for a while so this doesn't happen again. Things will go back to normal soon. I'd like to see Liara. Felt bad I didn't interact with her that much. When are we docking?" A shift in gravity due to entering the planetary atmosphere is felt. Zaheed quickly places a hand over his favorite gun to ensure it won't slide off even though it's essentially super glued to the display table.
"In a few minutes" Shepard said.
"I would appreciate more of a head's up next time" I said. As we leave for the exit, Zaheed comments he won't be joining as he's no longer welcome on Illum, not that he'll ever want to go. The traffic to the front of the ship is crowded. Must be shore leave for the maintenance staff. Illium is a popular place. I determine that by the amount of people stuffed in the decontamination room. Shepard and I were the first to enter. Thane came in shortly after us. I said "hey, what's going on?" No response as usual. Garrus stops the door before it closed and entered.
"Hold the door" Jacob shouts. EDI does so. Him and Miranda enter. The already small space is growing cramped; however, it soon becomes a luxury when Grunt stepped in and pressed everyone forward. A gasp is emitted by everyone's crushed lungs. My cheek is being cold welded to the weirdly rough steel door while my maxilla is being bent. It was the longest fifteen seconds of my existence. The struggling door slowly slides open, and I fall forwards towards freedom.
"Why didn't we go separately? I said out loud on my back, admiring the unearthly azure sky. It's gorgeous. May have to do some cloud watching while I'm here. Garrus lends a hand and pulls me up. Shepard brushes me off and we walk towards Liara's office. I like how everything is so conveniently close to the ports. Shepard waves his omnitool and the door opens. Wasn't there an asari assistant? Oh well. We head up the stairs and enter the luxurious office space. I feel like I entered a rich person's private rock collection. I see a fossil of something probably as old as I am. Nah no way I am over a million years old. I know that for sure. If that were the case, I would be a lot less sexy. Still very attractive, but not nearly as much as I am currently.
"Liara!" Shepard's arms widen, Liara is pulled into his welcoming hug. Looks platonic. Needs me to cause some chaos.
"It's good to see you again. It's been far too long and that is something for an asari to say. *********! I'm happy to see you again and you look incredible." Liara steps closer. I'm about to hug her when my instincts kick in. I leap back and cower behind Mr. Spectre.
"I'm happy to see you too but I'm not getting zapped again!" I frantically explain.
"It got worse. Samara shook his hand, and I was afraid he would have permanent damage. It was gnarly. Chakwas never seen anything like it before" Shepard said.
"I see. That does not matter. I only wished to see you well and to thank you for consoling me at Shepard's service. Whatever happened, in that moment of clarity I could feel Shepard was still alive. Barely. It's a miracle I was able to find him in time" Liara said. Mentally I cover my mouth. I did that? Well that worked out well. Fate again influenced me.
"I was only trying to soothe you. I'm glad I helped but what on earth I mean Illum made you think to give Shepard to Cerberus?" I ask.
"I made several connections during my time as an archeologist. I heard the rumors of Cerberus and I used all the tools at my disposal to find and convince them to help. One thing led me to another and now I am an information broker. Which we need to suggest. That thing I called you for, we should leave today, and I mean now" Liara said.
"You found his ship?" Shepard asks.
"I did and the weather patterns only permit entry for 12 hours. I won't have another opportunity for a long time." Liara said.
"Huh? What's this? Am I getting dragged along something?" Am I going to take down the shadow broker? I wonder what he knows about me. Unless Kaiden got stoned and blabbed my secret, the broker shouldn't know, assuming he was stupid enough to believe Kaiden. Should I wedge myself into this mission? I want to see if just my physical strength is enough to take down that species.
"Not you. Only Shepard and myself. I'm sorry we couldn't talk for long but it was a pleasure seeing you" CRAP!
"I will be away for a few days at least. Until then you are in charge." Blink Blink. Did Commander Shepard not realize what he just said?
"You are leaving me in charge?" I raise my eyebrow. While I like power, I don't think I'm the best candidate. I haven't even figured out how the toilet works. Urinal works simple enough. This entire time I've been converting my solid biological waste into pure energy and recycling it. I was too embarrassed to ask EDI how to flush.
"Yeah, you have seniority over Garrus so your…" record scratch.
Shepard pulls out his omnitool faster than I've ever seen someone move. He calls Garrus and Miranda and tells the two of them the turian will be in charge while he is away and to not listen to what I say.
"Shepard might be giving the two of you big raises" he glares at me.
"By the way, nice save. I can tell when I'm not wanted. I'll leave you two crazy lovebirds alone. Liara it was brief but it was lovely to see you again. Feel free to contact me on my omnitool. Shepard, I'll see you later. Be back my curfew. I worry. Chow!" I exit the office and for comedic effect, fall down the stairs making a series of noises to create sensations of shock, bewilderment, and horror at the sounds I can produce.
"I'M GOOD!" I ran out the door.
I take a moment to enjoy this moment of freedom, liberation, opportunity for pursuing happiness. I can do whatever I want. The possibilities are endless. Hmmm… now what? The thing about complete total freedom is it gets boring. It's fun for a while but then you wonder what the point is. God mode frees you from mundane everyday thoughts such as where am I going to get my next meal? Did I pay my power bill? How do I defeat the evil central bankers? I guess I'll do what I normally do and just walk around randomly.
I wander aimlessly and take in the sights. Illium has a different vibe than the citadel. Feels more relaxed. I like it. Not much happens on my stroll. An asari ship keeper wants to sell me something. I don't see the Krogan poet or the slave quarian. While I am at the bar, I do overhear the bachelor party conversation with the asari dancer on the table.
"What are you talking about she looks just like a turian. Look at the frills" the soon to be married man said.
"The two of you are crazy. Look at her eyes. Clearly a salarian's" the amphibian biped said.
Wait… in my travels and research, the brain is surprisingly severely limited in processing ability. In addition to only being able to see and hear withing a narrow range, we subconsciously tune out many different things and focus on the desirable traits. An evolutionary mechanism to avoid wasting energy processing nonvital information. Let's test this. I close my eyes and take three deep slow breaths. I increase the energy flow towards my brain. I whisper to myself.
"Drop your filters. Remove your biases. Focus only on what is in front of you. See things for how they truly are." I slowly open my eyes and look at the dancing asari.
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" Asari look like a mélange of all the races. My lower lip trembles and the right side of my neck pulses. Her face is like a salarian's with humanish eyes, a turian skull shaped and the wavy hair tentacles are straighter. and a whole host of features I've seen in other races. How did I of all people, not notice this before? Oh God… I flirted with that. How am I going to face Samara? FILTERS BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP! OH GOD I CAN STILL SEE IT. WHAT DID I DO TO MYSELF!?
"What are you looking at?" Grunt says behind me. I slowly turn around. The look on my face makes Grunt unsettled.
"*********? What happened?" Grunt's unsure how to react. What would you do if the strongest, most composed person is scared shitless.
"I think I'm over my fetish for asari" I walk to the Normandy and try to process my newfound knowledge which I should have never learned. Looking down so I don't have to look at those. I accidently look at some out of the corner of my eye. Oh god they each look different! Unlearn unlearn unlearn.
