Little more than a week has passed. I believe the damage is permanent. Samara's appearance has not changed. I opened Pandora's box and do not believe things will return to how they were. Other than that, it was a good week. Movie night with the guys was fun. Grunt was given a list of popular human warrior movies about cowboys, samurai, superhero, and Kung Fu flicks. He is going to be busy for a while. Kasumi made the best popcorn. It tastes like my grandmother's. Simply butter and salt, air popped. So Good!
Shepard came back from the Shadow broker mission a few days ago. Liara stayed for a while, met with the crew, and caught up with Garrus. The wounded warriors refused to speak on what occurred. Why don't they trust me? Obvious reason but that does give me blackmail on Liara. How should I cash that in? Shortly afterwards, her responsibilities called her away as did Shepard. A human colony in the terminus system is being attacked by the collectors. Joker is flying the ship on overdrive. ETA is six hours. Everyone going on the mission are preparing themselves for the upcoming fight. Mordin's gizmo to repel the collector's bugs has been made. He only had time to produce six. The ground team is Shepard, me, Zaheed, Miranda, Jacob, and Thane.
EDI's sphere manifests in front of me. "*********, Commander Shepard wishes to speak with you in his cabin. It is urgent." The AI disco ball disappears.
I sit up from my cot and waste no time heading up. The slow elevator gives me time to ponder what this could be about. Besides myself, no one is entirely sure what will find at the colony. Knowing Shepard, he's likely panicking that his personal affairs with Liara took the Normandy farther away from the colony and we could be walking into a mass grave by the time we arrived. His guilty conscious makes the commander blame himself for things completely out of his control. This is probably a stretch as Shepard has calmed down slightly. He even told me he is sleeping better. Good for him. Wonder how he expelled that bad data from his body. There's a surprising number of ways it can be done.
The doors slide open, and I make my presence known. "Shepard, EDI said you want to see me."
"Yeah, I do. I need your advice. Colonies have automatic SOS systems in case of attack. Standard procedure implemented after batarians raids. The alliance will be there shortly after we arrive. I have no idea when and I just informed Captain Anderson" Shepard is obviously holding something back.
"That's not the problem is it?" I ask.
"..."
"Shepard I am not going to read your mind" made that mistake before.
"... What if we run into Ashley or Kaiden? I don't know if I can look into their eyes" Shepard admires the metal floor, wait he's not doing that.
"Did you do something wrong?"
"I'm a part of Cerberus. A known terrorist organization" Shepard said.
"I didn't ask you where you worked. Did you do something bad?" Why can't these conversations be straight to the point? A simple no would save us time. This is why I love direct people. They don't beat around the bush.
"I… I don't know if I can bear the shame. What do they think of me? How am I supposed to react if we run into each other?" Shepard asks.
Shame equals negative direction. He's not feeling shame. Shepard deep down knows what he is doing is the right thing. It's something else.
"Are you sure you aren't feeling guilty?"
"..."
"Shepard."
"I feel like I betrayed my oath to the alliance" Shepard confesses. A noticeable amount of salvia is coughed out.
Thank God I'm an expert in diverting energy. First, I need to stop the action generator from activating "Commander Shepard, did you willingly join cerberus?"
"Well… no. I told you what happened" Shepard casts a confused look.
Time to reroute it. "Yes, you did. And your first reaction after hearing human colonists were being abducted was to help them despite who you would be working for with no regard for what would happen to you afterwards. That compassion and sacrifice. Kaiden and Ashley know what kind of man you are and that hasn't changed. Be proud of that" his shoulders rise slightly.
"I-I. Do you think they'll be upset with me?" Shepard gives me the puppy dog eyes. Why the puppy dog eyes?
"They're not going to be happy. It's more the situation they'll be mad at, not you, but don't be shocked if they take out their frustrations on you. You're the face they visualize when they think of the incredibly twisted turn of events that lead us here" I explain.
"Any advice? What should I say?" Shepard is pleading for an answer that I don't have.
"TELL. THEM. THE. TRUTH. lay your heart out. When the time comes, go with the flow" it's vague but in the right direction.
"What if I screw up?" Shepard asks.
"You probably will and that is ok. It's unrealistic to think a positive outcome will come out of this. But you can plant a seed and hope it bears fruit in the future. At least you can rid yourself of the weight off your shoulders then Kaiden and Ashley will know" I said.
Shepard nods slightly "you're probably right. My mom used to say 'sometimes bad things occur in order to propel you into good times.'"
"HAHAHAHHAHAAHHHAAGAGAHHAGAH!"
"What's so funny?" Shepard looks unnerved.
"You have no idea how right she is. I would know."
"Okay? Thanks for coming up. I don't know what I would do without you. Before you go, will you and Miranda be ok for the mission? I don't know how the mission will play out and I want a human biotic just in case. Do I have to worry your bickering will doom us all?" His concerns are valid.
"I spoke to her about this earlier and we agreed to keep things professional. Our little spats aren't worth innocent lives. We'll try to keep a distance between us but have each other's back in case things go south." I said.
"I'm surprised you'd go along with that. You can be quite childish at times" Shepard said.
"Dude, it was my idea! She was having a bad day when I went into her office, and she vented for 10 minutes before I could get a word in. Anyways, we practiced by walking around Illium and not speaking a word while you were away. We lasted a surprisingly long time. I think she stresses herself out too much" I note.
"She has a lot on her plate and family problems to worry about. Thanks for taking it easy on her after we talked. She won't say it out loud but she appreciates it" Shepard said.
"No problem. The people I grew up with were FAR worse than anything she could do" those entitled wackados were so fucking annoying. I'm relieved I don't have to deal with those wack jobs anymore. They exist here too, but far fewer in number and decibels.
"Right. I have a pre mission ritual I do and need the space. Go see Mordin to pick up the device then meet at the cockpit. Remember, keep your guard up at all times" Shepard said.
"I always do. Bye fishies" I press the feeder button and leave Shepard to himself. I'm happy I can help. The trauma he endured is stuck on his nervous system and talking about his issues slowly removes some of it. He's going to take a long time to recover, but progressing steadily.
For my pre mission ritual, a nap sounds pretty good right about now. Maybe I'll do some lucid dreaming for fun. Eh I'll see what I'm in the mood for. Rest first than attacking the boss. Not my first time fighting a giant winged beast. Might be my last. I'm getting burned out killing large animals. Whatever sleep first then violent murder.
