The omnitool barely staying alive auntie Rann gave me is turned off for the moment. Halfway through my shift, while working on the mass effect field gyroscope, ********* messaged me. He wants me to come to dinner tonight. Strange. That Bosh'tet never asked me to come before. He knows I can't eat what he cooks, except for those amazing pancakes. Whatever it is must be important. That clever tongue of his always has me guessing if he means what I think it meant.
The place ********* prepares food for everyone is very close to the engine room. Now that his secret is out, instead of tape bordering his space, he puts up a transparent barrier no one can break. Zaheed would pound the door desperately asking for a snack. The combination of all the biotics on the ship couldn't make it budge. Tonight is different though. The barrier is down and Kasumi is helping him prepare tonight. She is drinking an alcoholic beverage that looks like blood. It grosses me out.
"Kasumi would you please get the carving knives while I take the birds out of the oven" ********* pulls out six golden brown fowl carcasses. Carefully placing them on small decorative pieces of cloth. This prevents the table from being burned. Those things look strangely tasty. I enjoy the taste of meat or what passes for it in my nutrient paste tubes, but seeing the actually cooked body feels weird.
"Rightyoh" the thief sharpens the blades. Sharp shrilling noises are birthed from each pass of the blade. An omnitool function could do the job as well, although the blades take a lot of power to function. Even if they didn't, ********* has trouble navigating the menu. He showed me what he used growing up. A smart phone. It is a small rectangular brick that everyone kept on them. That thing could barely pass as an electronic. It's only capable of basic data transfer. It was unable to generate light constructs for work related purposes or all of the other features making true to its name omni tool.
"Plates please" ********* cuts the legs off each bird. The sound of its leg being ripped off makes me feel so bad. I know it can't feel anything, but shouldn't be treated with a modicum of respect?
"There you go. I love a man in the kitchen. Sad how rare it is today. My honey and I loved to cook together. The music playing and a little dancing." she reminisces about her deceased bondmate.
********* notices I arrived. His inviting face lights up and gives a heartwarming smile under peculiar bright eyes which no other human I've seen has.
"Hi Tali! I'm glad you came. You're going to want to see this. I made something really special for tonight" Is this a holiday? Some human films I've watched had a day where they express gratitude and feast on a turkey. The cooked birds on the table look similar, but not exact. Did he prepare them differently?
"This better be good. The way your acting makes us think something is going on" Commander Shepard said from the end of the table. Everyone else who goes on missions is there as well. In addition, there is Joker, Kelly, my colleagues, and Doctor Chakwas.
"This is one of my favorite things to eat. I have it for special occasions. This is the first time I cooked it with lemon pepper seasoning. I'm excited to try it" he said while he gave several plates to Shepard and those near him before heading back for more. Kasumi helps with delivering the food.
I ask "********* Do you need help?"
"Oh he's got this" Kasumi said.
"Like you got my water fountain. I really want that back. Along with whatever else you took. Some of that stuff could be… well not dangerous but I don't think you should be playing with some items" he said.
"I can't help myself. You have the coolest stuff! Like those metal watches with green hourglass symbols" Kasumi said. This triggered something in *********. He looks a little concerned.
"You didn't put any of them on, did you? Especially the white one? Only that one works in this universe" he asks.
"No, I didn't. They are still in the display case. Why? What could they possibly do?"
"Just put them back. The maker doesn't even like me having them, but he's kinda mean. Also with my abilities, it's just for show."
"Ok ok I'll return everything" she said.
"Thank you, Kasumi" ********* finishes handing out the food.
"You betcha!" She said.
"The two of you seem close. Are you bonded?" I hesitantly asked.
Kasumi answers "oh yeah we became really good friends. Now that I have stuff of his to steal, it's been a blast."
"I think she meant if we are dating. No. We tried and it…"
"Did not go well" Kasumi finished his sentence.
"Why did you two break up?" Garrus asked as he made himself a turian sandwich.
"We didn't really break up. It's more like…" Kasumi trails off.
"It became weird. It was before you came back. She's still mourning her late husband and by then she became the group's den mother and it felt creepy." He explained.
"I thought I was the den mother" Kelly hurtfully said.
"You too but we talk to Kasumi about stuff we don't want Timmy to know" he sits down at the table, rubbing his hands, and enjoys the satisfactory smell of his dish.
"Whose Tim?" Joker asked.
"T I M. The Illusive Man." *********'s acronym gets a laugh from Miranda and the weapon's specialist. He's super knowledgeable about everything Shepard acquired. We would be lost without him. Jacob even fixed a slight issue with my shotgun that I couldn't figure out. Quarians are not used to the thermal clip functions and the cost to transition over is not worth it to the admirals. If they really wanted to, it's a possibility. The priority is purchasing more ships to grow the fleet. ********* said he won't duplicate the ships. He must have his reasons. ********* is charitable when the opportunity arises and tries to make it look like he wasn't involved. A humble human.
"He hates being called that" Jacob mentioned.
"Well, I hate how he keeps getting rid of my furniture. He can put up with a nickname" ********* reaches for one of the legs and a biscuit.
"He's not a minimalist so I don't know why the station is empty" Miranda said.
"Is he being ostentatious?" Kelly asked.
"If he was doing that, there would be things I could never afford, not that I'd buy it anyways" Miranda compliments the food. Everyone thinks it's very delicious.
"This chicken is really good *********. Did you marinate it?" Joker asked.
"Yeah I'm more of a ribs or fish guy myself, but this is really good. I could easily become addicted to it" Shepard said.
********* looks towards the ceiling "see God it wasn't just me."
"Agreed. Salarians don't normally enjoy large amounts of meat, however this is quite good. Is this chicken? The device I used to test the food to see if it's safe for salarian consumption says it's unknown. This isn't a common meat product" Mordin's shoulders squeeze together and his eyelids nearly close from the ambrosial taste.
Gabby asks "Is it a pheasant? Quail? This tastes a lot like my grandpa's recipe. Although, there is some kind of different flavor that is really good."
"It is safe to eat this right?" Ken asked.
"Yes. It's nothing your people haven't eaten before. It's something I tried during my travels. You can't get it anymore. Wait let me check. Different universe and future tech, you never know" ********* searches something on the extranet. "No, I don't think so. It's super good isn't it? It better be. I petted this guy, and he bit me when my attention was elsewhere. It hurt more than a zombie bite because there was emotional pain. Betrayal" he said.
"You were bitten by a zombie?" Chakwas asked.
"Yeah. I was walking through some tall grass. It was a crawler. I thought a snake bit me at first until I smelled him. I hate zombies. You think it might be a little fun killing them until you're actually there. Dealing with the odor and the way their skin feels when you push them away. Eeww. Surviving the initial outbreak was fun but it got boring pretty quick." ********** Moans from a makeshift sandwich using the biscuits as sandwich slices.
"You couldn't smell it? Did you turn?" Shepard asked.
"It was downwind. No. I left after that. It was an ok year. It really felt like this one earth where humans never evolved. I take long camping trips there from time to time. So, imagine that, but occasionally having to deal with a zombie or survivors. More boring than what Hollywood presents" he said.
"Huh. So, what is this thing? Would you make more for us? I'm only asking because you're reluctant to duplicate parts unless for emergencies" Ken said. ********* believes it's important for us to still contribute to the economy. The son of the parts store needs a college fund.
"Yeah. I have a copy stored in my soul and can recreate this whenever" he said.
"*********, what are we eating?" Shepard skeptically looks at him. His suppressed smile makes me glad I'm not eating this.
"It's a small flightless bird. Relax, it's not a penguin." He said.
"What species is it?" One by one the humans stop chewing.
Zaheed with his mouth full, meat hanging from his lip looks up from his messy plate.
"Dodo bird" he said. The humans laugh. I'm unsure why that is funny. ********* Sits there, smiling with anticipation. Mouths start to slow, then stop, and they look at him.
"This is not a dodo bird" Shepard said.
He confirms "It's a dodo bird."
"We're not eating dodo bird" Jacob asks.
He confirms "We're eating dodo bird."
"What's a dodo bird?" Jack asked.
Thane, Mordin, Samara, and Grunt are unsure why things took an awkward turn. The humans look at each other, afraid to say anything. Wondering what they should do.
Thane takes one more bite. "Is there a problem? Is this creature taboo to consume?"
"Whatever this was is tasty" Grunt finishes his meal.
"Is this actually a dodo bird?" Chakwas asked.
Annoyed, ********* says "Yes."
"Please elaborate the significance of this creature" Samara said.
"I feel like I ate an endangered animal. The dodo bird is a species that went extinct hundreds of years ago. They were hunted to extinction" Chakwas said.
"Dope!" Jack chows down on her dodo thigh.
Zaheed doesn't care and resumes eating.
"Good riddance too! These things were little monsters. They were a pest. The only good thing about them is their taste. I was living caveman style before the ice age hit. I was sitting next to my fire, enjoying the warmth while my pelt dried and this little guy came right up next to me. Naturally, I pet his soft feathered head and he cutely cooed, then stole my toe. He eats me I EAT HIM!" ********* Angrily shouts. I remember him telling Thane and myself this.
"Morally, should we be eating this?" Kelly asks.
"If you don't I will" ********* sips lemonade.
"You really should be telling us stuff like this" Shepard said.
"You won't listen. I don't know what it is about my voice or face, but people don't listen to me or believe me. Eventually I turned it into this game I play. It's the main reason I don't give advice unless asked" ********* said.
"We'll, now we know you're so experienced. Is there anything going forward we should know?" Shepard asked.
"I don't want to give out too much. If I do, a bad thing might happen which leads to a good thing which will affect Joker and he deserves what's coming" ********* said.
"What do you mean by that?" Joker nervously asked.
"You and someone in the ship could start dating and that's the only one you can find that will tolerate your glass butt" he predicts.
"Shepard, don't you dare ask him about the future. I'll park the ship and refuse to chauffeur you around!" This frail man has quite an audacious side to him. Threatening a spectre who came back from near death.
"Alright alright. Is there anything minor you can tell us? Something that won't affect the reapers losing the war?" Shepard asked.
"Hmmp... We'll recruit a friendly geth" ********* said. The whole table laughs. Like that is a possibility. Geth only has some semblance of sentience when in close proximity to hundreds of other programs. I gently slap him, telling him not to joke about that. He knows how much I hate the geth.
"Ok I won't joke about it" he says.
It has been this way since I was a child! People only hear what they want to hear. Are people really incapable of listening and I mean really listening to my words? I turn to Thane. The expert face reader. My droopy eyelids and torpid expression directly face the tuberculosis toad man. He alone realizes I'm telling the truth. I shush him. We'll let this be our little secret.
Back to eating, my delicious friend turned into an enemy. OH! So juicy! Maybe it was worth losing the toe for.
