Life as a quarian among a Cerberus vessel was going to have its hurdles. Racism from the crew, which is surprisingly minor and clearly accidental when they do it. Disapproval from other quarians including auntie Rann and my father. However, I never would have dreamed up my father being one of them. I should be happy my father is alive and I'm able to spend more time with him, but I'm just so ugh!
Maybe I'm just exhausted. These long shifts are going to send me to the ancestors. Gabby keeps telling me I should give myself a break. Honestly, I'm throwing myself into work to avoid talking to my father. Seven days in a row currently. Today, I've worked immediately after my first nutrient tube and according to my omnitool it's been… 13 hours! That's long even to a quarian if you convert. Damn it it's girls night too. I'm supposed to watch that movie ********* praised.
I shut down the console and head towards Miranda's room. One of the few blessings of these stupid suits is that I don't have to take time to check my appearance. A little dirt here and there just pats off. Wash my faceplate with a rag and I'm all set.
"Sorry I'm late. I got distracted. Did you start the movie?" I should have set an alarm to be here in time. I'm so stupid.
Jack says "not really. Just some scary music and the opening credits."
"What's happening now?" I ask.
Gabby passes the snacks "We heard a scream and these two guys are running into a corn field."
I sit down on the edge of the couch. Next to Kasumi enjoying a glass of wine. It's a little early. ********* warned us there were some scary bits, although he didn't consider it a horror movie. Miranda loves those kinds of flicks, but he detests them. The man in the old film locates his kids and the camera pulls out of the field, strange geometric shapes in bent crops.
"Hahahahaha" the human women laugh, I and Samara are unsure why what feels like a important moment is met with laughter.
Miranda pauses the movie. "We should explain. About two centuries ago, long before humans encountered aliens, some people actually believed E.T. would land in the middle of corn fields and leave those weird shapes."
The engineer in me feels offended. "Seriously? We land on pads for a reason. I can tell right away the leaves would clog what only Gabby and I can imagine."
"Yeah. That would take a while to clean. Even the hammerhead needs a good scrubbing after a mission."
"********* might get upset of we criticize his favorite movie. Where is he? He's not listening in the wall, is he?" Chakwas asked.
The artificial intelligence I barely came to terms accepting says "he is away from the ship. A vacation so to speak. *********'s biotic ball team is in the semifinal rounds of a minor tournament."
"Does he ever rest? He's almost as bad as Shepard" Kasumi asked.
Chakwas answers "he does need short periods of time to recharge, but his energy passively builds up. If he doesn't use it in some form or fashion, it causes nervous system damage and an excruciating amount of pain."
"That fucking sucks! I've met a lot of assholes and he's one of the few that I don't want to rip apart with my biotics. We'll not it that way. That electric bastard really needs to loosen up and let me sleep with him" Jack rolls back into the couch.
Gabby asks "has he always been so particular? What's his deal?"
Jack says "when I tried jumping him, I said 'now that I know your secret, it's not technically manipulation on your part if I still want it and I really want it' he turned into a Vorcha and scared the shits out of me. I considered still doing it."
Kasumi mentions "well he's super old right. Dr. Chakwas did he ever do anything towards you. Samara?" She smacks her own head. "Sorry I keep forgetting he sees what you actually look like."
Dr. Chakwas said "he'll tease me but it's all in jest. There were a few times he complimented my looks, made me feel like a young woman again, then immediately made a snarky comment to ruin the moment. ********* believes sex diminishes his abilities due to it taxing the nervous system and he claims women act differently around him after the act. When he resets it goes back to the way it was. He doesn't know why. He's not celibate. Moderation in everything is his motto. While he is an inspiring man, I don't see myself with him and I suspect he has some PTSD around Doctors."
I ask "don't humans trust doctors with their lives?"
She replied "he refuses to discuss what happened. I'm allowed to take blood samples but anything else he demands a thorough explanation before I'm permitted to do anything else, which is rare because he's tense whenever he's in my space. It's why me and Mordin do tests in his lab."
"Shit must have fucked his sexy ass real good" Jack steals the pretzels from Miranda.
A chilling sound comes from the movie. I think I saw a black human-like figure on the top of the building "Ah! What was that!" Kasumi yells. Everyone pays close attention to what happens. The father wakes up his brother and they run around the house screaming and cursing, in a funny amateurish way, only to see whatever was on the roof jumped off and ran into the fields unseen.
"Well that was creepy! Stalking his little girl like that" Gabby hides under a blanket.
"********* told me a scene with a leg and the basement with an arm is the worst" I hope I didn't spoil it.
"I wonder why he likes this movie so much. Hey Tali, how are things with your Dad? Are you happy he's on board?" Kasumi asked.
"... Truthfully, I hope the ancestors don't hate me but no. I love my dad and he's the only blood relative I have left" I can trust them.
Samara asks "what is troubling you?"
"I-i. Whatever I do is not enough for him. If I make an improvement to the engine core that increases fuel efficiency by 7 percent, he tells me I should do this or that. Like he's in any position to think what is best. He'll talk over me when I'm in the middle of a sentence. It feels so frustrating. I love my dad, I do, but a part of me was glad to come back to help Shepard just to get away from him. I shouldn't be saying horrible things about my father. I'm such a bos'tet!"
Samara's motherly instincts activate and comfort me. Her fingers softly caress my back. My mom did this when I needed to calm down. Samara assures me I'm not a bos'tet, at least the insulting use of it.
Miranda asks "is it belittling?"
"No. He's never satisfied with what I do."
Gabby comments "I've seen it. He's not rude but there is a weird awkward tension between them. Maybe it's just how humans see quarians talking. The masks make it hard to know what the subtext is."
Kelly asks "are quarian parents normally like this?"
"Not at all. He wasn't like this when I was in my bubble. My father was loving and supportive. After my mother died, he changed. It's been challenging ever since."
"At least you have a parent" Jack remarks.
"Jack, Miranda I'm so sorry to be talking about this in front of you. It's wrong of me to discuss this" remember the breathing technique ********* taught me. Push the diaphragm out as far down as I comfortably can.
Miranda pauses the movie. "Relax Tali. We're tough enough not to get hurt by you venting your frustrations."
Samara asks in a concerned voice "how is ********* conducting himself around your father? I heard he strike him. He's a very peaceful and empathetic man. To attack the parent of someone he deeply cares for is shocking to say the least."
"I confronted him about it and made him promise to never harm my father again. I know he keeps his word, but he can be a little daunting, especially now that I know he's nigh omnipotent. After I found out what exactly my dad did to the geth, I can see why he acted the way he did. Geth don't have pain receptors like biologicals, but there were measures in place to check them back when they were automated servants. The weapons my father was testing on them were taking advantage of that." I said.
"It sounds like he was torturing them" Kelly said.
"Shepard said he doesn't know for sure, but the game implied they were. I hate geth but torturing them isn't going to get our homeworld back. ********* is pissed whenever my dad is nearby. He won't even address him by name. My dad keeps trying to provoke ********* and I'll have to separate them."
"Maybe it would be a good idea if you talked to ********* when he comes back" Kelly suggested.
"What good will that do?"
"We just don't want him blowing the ship up in a tantrum" Miranda said.
"He won't do that. ********* has godly self-control over his rage. He had to when he was growing up. Once, he did this human version of a korgan bloodrage to save Garrus. He's not a danger. I think he is sad more than anything."
"Why do you think that?" Kelly asked.
"He wants to go to that place he mentions and be with his family but can't. I think he's just distracting himself while he tries to find a way."
Samara said "those without purpose distract themselves with hedonism."
"In any case, we have him on our side against the reapers. Let's keep him around until the war is over" Miranda mentions.
Gabby asks "Do you think he'll leave afterwards?"
Kasumi replies "would he have any reason to stay?"
Jack asks "yo justicar. Anything in those books of yours that might help?"
"I've been desperately searching. A lot of what he tells me about the nature of souls and energy is eerily similar to what is believed to be true in the code. Originally, I thought it was symbolic but now… It's made me rethink everything I've memorized. ********* efforts to train me in energy manipulation are proving fruitless. It appears my biotics interfere with his abilities. If we are fortunate, he can force me to vibrate, and it is the strangest sensation. I feel like I lost my body and I'm just this pulsing thing in space. The goal, after removing most of the negativity, is to build up energy, learn to make it vibrate, increase the frequency, and keep developing it until results are seen, which is much harder than it sounds. I don't believe I will accomplish what he has. It's also possible my biotic training is so deeply ingrained I can't use that source of energy without accidently using my biotics. Perhaps I'll learn it after I expire."
Jack asks "********* is insisting I learn stuff to remove 'bad data' from my spirit. Should I listen to the old bastard?"
Samara says "He has expressed concern that the trauma you experienced in this life will carry over and that will attract bad manifestations on the other side. I would follow his advice."
"That's no fucking fair! I didn't ask for none of the shit that happened to me. Why do I have to do this shit?"
"If he learned to do it without assistance, how hard will it be with him as your mentor?"
"Yeah, I survived rough shit, but I just don't want to put in the work."
"Your choices lead you down certain paths. You shall walk with the steps you take."
"We'll see. I don't know if it's for me. Alot of the shit he says sounds hooey."
"He only wishes to prevent what nearly happened to him occurring to others."
I ask. "Did something happen to him in the other place?"
"Thankfully no, but what happened to him in his first life nearly sent him to a place he calls Nadir. The opposite of the Apogee. He's not ready to talk about it just yet, but it was a traumatic event for him."
Miranda asks "is it weird I kinda feel better that happened to him. It makes sure he won't risk anything that will make him go there, like harming us?"
Gabby says "that kinda makes you sound like a horrible person. He has mental scars. Are you saying it's good what he went through?"
Miranda shouts "No, absolutely not. He's a great person to the core. I can have children now thanks to him. Sure he can be a dick at times, but he's just trying to be funny. I wish he gets what he wants soon, whatever that is."
I say "I do as well. He helps out everyone, works super hard, and barely asks for anything in return. I want to give him the whole galaxy if I could. Why isn't he allowed to be at peace?"
Dr. Chakwas says "God is being too cruel to him."
Samara comments "he believes he's unintentionally doing it to himself. He has gone to several masters of energy manipulation whose skills far outrank his own and they claim nothing is wrong with him. ********* and his kind can sense deceit, meaning he knows they are telling the truth. So what's holding him back?"
"Whatever is the matter, we can't help him. At least we can make him feel better with his current circumstances."
Jack has an idea "you know, what if we lure him to the cargo area and then all of us jump him and take turns in the a-"
"NO!"
"Jeez don't snap at me for trying to make a guy happy."
Kasumi refills her wine glass "I could make him drinks."
Chakwas says "He doesn't like drinking. Anything that affects his nervous system is troubling for him."
I ask "Is there anything he would like?"
Samara mentions "He likes novel experiences. Is there anything our modern civilization has that he doesn't know exists?"
Miranda thinks "Maybe. A lot of the stuff we currently enjoy was made around his time period. I'll try to think of something."
"We can think about it while we watch the movie."
We lost the game. I'm not upset about the lost, but how we lost. I know my guys are not the brightest and it was mostly luck that got us this far. Ah I pinch my nose. I was the team leader; you listen to me. Left means left. Right means right. Why did you guys split up? How was that hanar player the second-best player on my team? I must have had the clumsiest elcor in the galaxy for my defense. Seeing that four-legged living tank falling down is going to be stuck in my brain forever. Is there no one in this omniverse that will listen to me!
