"Ok sweetie today is for sure the day we tell everyone? Right?" I said.
Tali says "We can't keep putting this off. We were supposed to tell everyone after Christmas, but everyone got hung over, so it wasn't a good time, then you surprised me with New Year's Day and everyone got drunk again. Our shuttle arrives in 5 days."
"I'm sorry. Humans focus on Christmas mainly and I only ever watched the ball drop to celebrate the new year" I said.
"What ball?" Tali asked.
"It is a pretty metal ball with lights that hits the ground when it is officially the new year and fireworks go off" I said.
"NO MORE FIRE!" Tali screamed.
"It was shown on tv. Is this what you want to be talking about or should we tell everyone?" I asked.
"I already sent a message to everyone to meet us in the conference room in thirty minutes" Tali explained.
"I should head over there. Is your father going to be there?" I asked.
"Didn't you talk to him about this?" Tali asked.
"Yeah. He knows what is going on. He thinks it is weird but since I don't need food, I won't be a drain on resources so it is fine. Plus it isn't like he can stop me. I'll be a ghost forever if it means staying with you. You're special. You get the love haunts" I tease.
"As much as I appreciate it, don't bring up ghosts. I'm scared of them. There are stories of wrathful ancestors punishing quarian children for being disobedient and all the noises the ships on top of it frightened us as kids" Tali said.
"Don't you believe in your ancestors watching over you? What is the difference?" I asked
"I don't know if it feels different. Maybe I watched a few too many human horror movies growing up" Tali said.
"Ok I won't bring it up again. I promise" I said.
"Thank you my cherished. I want to check some engine readings before we meet with everyone else. I'll see you soon."
"Before you go… I feel really happy when you call me cherished. Is there a quarian word you would prefer I call you? You never really asked and I want to call you something that makes you feel what I feel."
"This is why I love you. I do have a word I'd like you to call me… but not now" Tali said.
"Why not?" I asked.
"You'll learn" Tali said before stepping out of the room. Huh. Surprise for the future. Haven't felt this in a long time. I don't like it. Feels like a splinter in my brain. I'll ignore it. Time to head over.
"So everyone. The reason we called you here today is because we have a big announcement" I take Tali's hand into my own.
"It is about damn time" Shepard said.
"Couldn't happen soon enough" Garrus said.
The crowd slowly grows tiny smiles. Something feels off. Discombobulation permeates the air.
"Excuse me!" my offended voice wipes their smirks off.
Grunt asks "what's got a thresher maw in your pants? I thought human men get irritable years after the wedding?"
"WHAT WEDDING?!" I yell.
Joker says "wait… you didn't propose to her?"
"Proposal?" Tali asks, not understanding what it means.
"No. Why would you think that?" I ask.
Miri says "Are you serious? You pulled Tali aside and gave her a box then hugged followed by quarian smooches. Kelly peaked."
"MIRANDA!" the betrayal therapist yelled.
I shouted "It was a special music box!"
Gabby says "we thought since things were going so well between you two and it was Christmas… are things different where you are from?"
"Some couples do that as well but that is not what is happening" I said.
Chakwas says "our bad."
Kelly says "that's surprising. Why the wait?"
Miri says "a girl can only wait so long."
Tali interjects "can someone please explain what we are talking about?"
"They thought I'd propose to you on Christmas" I said.
"Propose what?" Tali asked.
"Marriage" I said.
"Oh. I wasn't expecting that. Aren't we along way from that?" Tali asked.
My heart aches "A long way?"
"Yes… Human relationship customs are confusing to me. Let me get this straight. You have friends but there are girlfriends which are women you are romantically involved with which I am. Then there is finance stage which means you are thinking about marriage, which is the step before becoming permanent bond mates, but if it doesn't work out the breakup is called a divorce, and you find someone else to be your permanent bond mate." Tali said.
Jacob said "Not exactly."
I explain "the proposal means becoming permanent bondmates."
Tali is surprised "Oh! Wait then what is divorce?"
Shepard said "It is what happens when married couples break up. Do quarians not have divorce?"
Rael said "We have something when permanent bondmates end the relationship but that is rare. This is frustrating. You humans make everything so much harder than it has to be. When a human gets on his knees and presents a ring, that makes them permanent bondmates?"
Ken says "no you need to have a wedding then you are husband and wife or permanent bond mates."
Rael asks "so marriage isn't a testing ground for permanent kinship?"
Shepard shakes his head "No. OK ideally two people who love each other get married and stay married until death. If you two didn't get engaged… what did you want to tell us?"
"Tali and her father are returning to the migrant fleet and I'm going with them. We meant to tell everyone after Christmas but we all know how the last seven days went. The shuttle transporting us arrives in four or five days. This is going to be goodbye for a while" I said. The crew are surprised and each having different reactions. Grunt looks like he is going to cry. Mordin is disappointed. Thane, Chakwas, and Samara are understanding. Jack looks frightened.
"You three are really leaving?" Garrus's mandibles hang low.
"How is a human supposed to live on the migrant fleet?" Mordin asks. I shapeshift into a quarian. Green suit and mask. Same height as Tali.
"Right. I forgot you can do that" Joker said. I pop back into my human meatsuit.
"Are we ever going to see you again?" Ken asked.
"I hope so. This must be alot for you guys to process but did you think this was going to last forever?" I said.
"One could hope" Kelly said.
Shepard stands up, his stoic exterior fails to cover up his hurt soul. He is going to run up to his best buddy. I close my eyes and open my soul to his hug of goodbye.
…
I think to myself… he is a very light hugger. I can't feel his overly tense muscles. My left eye cracks. The light piercing through my eyelashes is a confused spectre.
"I should rip the other bandage off while we are at this. I am exceedingly grateful for everyone's help the past couple of years. I couldn't have saved the galaxy without you. All of you. But… the Alliance has strong, unpersuadable, feelings about its members working for Cerberus. Sorry Jacob. I made a deal with Admiral Hackett. I'm turning myself over into their custody. Everyone else will be forgiven by both the citadel and the Alliance. My plan was to turn the ship around tomorrow, but since the shuttle is coming that will have to wait."
"You boy scout!" I said.
Miri says "I read your pysch profile, I'm not surprised, but the illusive man will want to know what will happen to this ship. He invested considerable sums of credits building this vessel."
Shepard says "I can't promise anything." that was not the answer she or Jacob were hoping for.
"I can't believe this is really it or that we survived this hell forsaken mission. Even in my old age it flew by so fast" Zaheed said.
Samara says "the goddess closes a door and opens another. This is not the end."
Thane says "truthfully I'm glad I have lived so long given my disease and occupation."
Grunt sobbing asks "What is going to happen to me? This is my home. My battle master is going to jail and my shaman leaving. Where will I go?"
"Grunt I talked to Wrex. Urdnot will take you in. I'll give you something that proves you know me just in case. Guys it isn't like we'll never see each other again and I'll talk to you over the omnitool if you want. It's not like I have a job to keep me away. I'm taking full advantage of my forever retirement. Which reminds me sweetie I'll need something to keep me working. No one wants the energy to buildup and blowup." I said.
Garrus says "It isn't going to be the same without you."
"I know. I made a lot of good memories here and am sad to leave too…the glory days are ending… but we'll still have days assuming you win the war. Shepard, you better win this war. My Tali likes living in this galaxy and so do I."
"I'll do everything in my power. Before you leave we should discuss some matters" he said.
"I told you I don't want to tell you about the future. It is never guaranteed it will happened and given the multiple divergences I've seen… chances are slim it is going to play out like it did in the game" I said.
"I know… but this is about something else. Please come see me before the end of today" Shepard is sending out desperation vibes. I nod my head.
Knock knock knock
"Come in" Shepard said. I enter his cabin. Say hi to the fish and plop on the couch. We are going to have to do one more guys night before I move.
"You have something important to talk about" I said.
"Look… normally a superior officer isn't supposed to show weakness to someone below ranks but we both no this situation isn't anywhere close to normal" he said.
"You are a space zombie and I am a sexy energy being masquerading as a human" I said.
"I don't have the energy to bark back. *********... I am tired. I became a spectre to help people… not to be the savior of the galaxy. My muscles are taut. My mind is exhausted. It is still hard to sleep. I'm struggling and just want everything to be over" he said.
"Yeah… I get it. I had my own battles. It is hard. Really hard. But remember you have to keep moving forward. Alot of people are counting on you" I said.
"I can't do this alone. I want everything to be over so I can truly rest" He said.
"Remember you are not alone. This fight is everyone's fight. I know how you feel. Tell me… what do you think will happen if you have your rest?" I asked.
"I'll finally be at peace" he said.
"Rest is for recharging. I hate to break your bubble but you won't find peace that way. Release from exhaustion yes. Believe me I tried" I said.
"Be honest with me. Will it get worse?" he asked.
"Shepard. You are going to get a break and for a while at that. Use this time to recover and get ready for the war. It is going to be hard. You will struggle. You will have to fight. But the end is coming soon. I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean you don't have to fight forever. I promise. Just keep going for a little while longer" I said.
"I know the answer already but just let me get this out of my system. Why can't you just kill all the reapers for us all?" he desperately asks.
"Even if I did, you still have your choices to make. Your actions dig energetic trenches in your body which will help you after you expire in a beautiful oceanside condo on Liara's shoulder. Then I'll be across the waters to guide you where you belong" I said.
"Hehe that sounds nice, but I keep telling you I do not want to live by the ocean" he said.
"We can be roomies" I said.
"Not happening" he stabs my soul.
"Thank you *********. I'll keep going. I came this far already. Just a little longer" he said.
"You're welcome. I'll only be a call away. Get some rest bud. You earned it." I pat his shoulder.
"Any tips?"
"Your muscles are very tight. Before you go to bed, starting from your toes and working your way up clench your muscles hard for 30 seconds then release and do not move your body. It'll take time for your body to learn it is ok to relax. But get good sleep. A tired soldier is a sloppy soldier" I said.
"I'll do that. Thanks again ********. I wouldn't know what to do without you." Shepard said.
"Remember there are yous that are winning the war without my help. You are that amazing. Go to sleep."
EDI's little ball pops up on my desk "Miss Lawson. Jack is outside your door once more."
Sigh "Let her in."
Jack is stressed out. Even more than usual. Her arms are crossed and she is wearing a long sleeve shirt. That is out of character for her flamboyant attire. Why does Jack want to talk to me so badly? Whatever it is, she isn't going to have many opportunities.
"Listen Miranda… I need to… say something to you." Jack paces back and forth.
"If this is another insult abo-"
"This isn't about that bullshit. Just sit there and be quiet for a sec will you?" she asked.
"There are more polite ways to ask for a favor" I said.
Jack turns arounds "you know what forget this." I use my biotics to close off the door.
"No! You have been coming here for weeks trying to tell me something. You are here now so spit it out."
"Fuck it fine. Listen. He told me to do this, and I don't want to do this, but he is usually right about this kind of stuff, and I can't live like this anymore." Jack said. What did ********* suggest?
"Go on."
"Whe… when yo- you. Damn this is hard. When you stole me from my home and filled my veins with-"
"I had no part in that what so eve-"
"I KNOW YOU DIDN'T DO SHIT WHICH IS WHY IT MAKES THIS EASIER SO SHUT THE HELL UP!"
"This must be really important. I'll listen to what you have to say."
"Thank you. When you stole me from my home and filled my veins with drugs, I've been filled with so much rage and hatred since day one at everyone and most of all you. But I can't keep living with this burning acid inside of me. You really don't deserve this. But I… But I. Fuck why does this hurt so bad. Fuck. I fucking forgive you. You hear me. I forgive you for what you did… I forgive Cerberus… I forgive you" Jack wipes her tears with her sleeves. I offer her tissues I keep in a drawer.
"I could see how hard that was for you. I forgive you too for calling me the 'Cerberus cheerleader bitch.' Do you feel any better?" I ask.
"... Holy shitting balls I do. What do you know, that damn quarian fucker knows his stuff. That feeling is gone" Jack's eyes look different. A twinkle is there that wasn't present before.
"Are you going to be alright?" I ask.
Jack looks at me with hope "For the first time I think I will be. I'm going to go talk to ********* for last minute advice. See you later. Goodbye Miranda."
"Oh um goodbye Jack" She leaves my office smiling. I'm happy for her but that shift in her personality is going to take some getting used to. PING. Jack just emailed me. I open up her message.
"FYI if I ever meet little TIMmy his ass is grass and I'm pouring gasoline on it and lighting that shit up and enjoy getting high off the fumes."
I see her metamorphosis is going to take a while.
"Hi sweetie. Did you pack everything?" I ask.
Tali says "I have everything in my pockets, my necklace, my bracelet, the presents."
"Where is your shotgun?" I ask.
"Jacob is replacing the warned parts so we'll stop by him before we leave." She said. Good. I'd hate for her to freak out about losing her favorite gun.
"You sure you have everything?" Where is your suitcase full of shoes?" I ask.
"I don't have one" she said.
"What about your suitcase full of hats?" I ask.
"I don't have one" she said.
"What about your suitcase with your dress?" I ask.
"The one Kara gave me is folded and is in this pocket" Tali taps her hip.
"What about the one Kelly made?" I ask.
Tali looks over my shoulder "I think it belongs on the ship" she said.
"Ha. Weird how she is so great at everything else, but making something that goes over a quarian suit and still look nice just isn't in her. I'm going to miss Thane's jacket" I said.
"It does look great on you" she flatters me.
"Just double checking. You have no luggage for me to carry whatsoever?" I ask.
"None at all." she said.
"You are the perfect girlfriend" low maintenance, fantastic personality, and gorgeous eyes. I really lucked out.
"I know I am" she said.
The shuttle which will take us to the migrant fleet has docked. It is automated as no other quarian would willingly go anywhere close to a Cerberus vessel despite picking up an admiral and his daughter. My camper has been converted into energy and tucked away somewhere I really should figure out where it goes. Didn't want the alliance to wonder where a two-hundred-year-old recreational vehicle came from or why it is in the cargo bay. Is the energy in my stomach? I guess until it bothers me, I shouldn't waste a doctor's time. Not the best advice but I have other things to worry about. Tali and I made the rounds. Ken and Gabby are pretending to be happy there will be no one looking over their shoulders, but the cracks in the voice gave away how much they'll miss me… and Tali who does most of the work.
Zaheed congratulated us for moving on to the next chapter of our lives. I offer to repair any of his weapons if they ever break. He said he'll take me up on that offer. Saying goodbye to Grunt was the hardest. This is his first time losing a friend and he's having difficulty processing. I'm the only one he could let loose in a fight with. I too enjoyed our spares. The adrenaline in my veins felt exhilarating. Grunt for sure will be making friends at clan urdnot as I gave him a copy of my notes on TuChunka plants and their medicinal/recreational purposes.
Grunt asks "can I have one more headbutt?" I oblige. Good thing I am transforming into a quarian soon, the bruise that would have formed on me would have been an eyesoar. Tali hugs Grunt like the big little brother she never had.
Jack climbs up the stairs, stopping my walk. "Hey look I'm sorry I got so mad earlier. You were only trying to help but I need to speak to you. I actually went to Miranda and apologized."
"You did? I was scared we lost all your progress" I said.
"And I am not going back ever again. My plan is to take the stuff you said seriously. Would it be too much to ask you for tips to get me through anymore challenges I'll have?" Jack asked.
I reply "Of course but this is not going to be easy. You know that right?"
"My life has never been easy. I'll get through this. I have too. So that is a yes?" she asked with the puppy dog eyes. I can't resist the puppy dog eyes.
"Yes. I won't reply to your messages instantly, but I will help if you put in the work" I said.
"I can never repay you for what you did" Jack hugs me and isn't crushing my spine in two. This feels so weird. She is changing so fast it feels disturbing. Tali notices my discomfort and pulls me away. Tali calls the elevator and we step it. The doors close and a teary eyed Jack waving goodbye.
Tali says "do you think she'll be able to do it?"
I ask "What exactly?"
Tali replies "Become like you?"
"I don't think that is her path. She wants to heal but doesn't want to escape the world. If I did it, she definitely can. Honestly much faster than how long it to me" I said.
Tai asks "Why is she advancing so fast?"
I explain "repetitive trauma of the nervous system acts like an exercise. It prepared her for being able to handle the increased pressure/energy. Plus the element zero in her body naturally converts matter into energy. While she had a harder life than I did, she'll have an easier time walking this path especially with me guiding her."
The elevator stops at the next floor. Garrus, Thane, Samara, and Dr. Chakwas are grouped by the kitchen. Garrus shakes my hand. I'm going to miss my first alien roommate. Thane and Samara offer blessings Chakwas shows me quarian medicine and how to use it just in case something goes wrong. I make a copy and thank her. In exchange, she asked me to fill the fridge with copies of the food I cooked previously. Samara encourages me to do so.
"Even the dodo?" I laughed. It is stupid but for some reason it gets to me.
"That was mean" Chakwas said.
"Fine I won't replicate extinct animal meat anymore. The fridge is full. I hope to see you all again soon and if not, in the apogee one day or whatever alien realms your souls are going to go" I said.
"My the gods be so kind" Thane said.
Samara says "It will still be over one hundred human years for me but I do wish to see you again in one form or another. I pray the goddess blesses your journey."
Time to go to the final floor. As I walk to the stairs, my pace slows. Tali tugs my hand, happily stopping my momentum. "You don't want to take the elevator?"
"I want to make this last as long as possible. Honestly I don't want to leave. Not that I wouldn't be thrilled to live with you at your home… but here I made so many good memories and haven't been this happy in a long time. I wished it could continue" I said.
"I get it. I feel the same. If it helps, I promise I'll make you just as happy on the fleet" Tali said.
"I appreciate it. How did I get such a wonderful girlfriend?" I asked.
"By being the best person ever. Come. We shouldn't make the others wait" Tali takes me hand. My rusty knees finally move. Step by step up the stairs. We stopped by the lab. The most ambiguous goodbye. Mordin stops his experiment to send us off. Oh the guilt is building up inside. I pull Mordin close and do not let go. My dear little formerly depressed science buddy is going to be dearly missed. A part of me feels guilty knowing this is most likely the last time I will ever see him, but the other part is jealous he is going to the apogee before me. His not even 50 year old butt is (very likely) getting a straight ticket while I haven't even gone once. Weird how salarains seem to naturally vibrate so high based on the few I know.
At the cockpit is Kelly, Joker, Jacob, Miranda, Rael and Shepard. The therapist starts to cry. No don't chop the onions. I don't want to start crying. Kelly tightly hugs Tali and I at the same time. For a hobbyist seamstress she has strong biceps. My neck is getting sore.
Miranda stepped forward "Thank you for everything and for giving me a chance to have my own family one day."
I reply "Name all your children after me. If you have a girl, take my name and add -ette to the end. Gorgo and Sartan didn't and it stung. Jacob I wish you well."
"Pleasure to work with you" His strong gunsmithing hands squeeze my beautiful fingers.
EDI says "********* you were the first organic to treat me like a person even before I received my soul. Thank you for your kindness. I hope you find what you are looking for."
"Oh thank you EDI. You are going to have an interesting future. Make sure to tease Joker while I am away" I said.
"She is already nagging me like she's my girlfriend. I don't need any more headaches" Joker said.
"You make sure to make good use of your new skeleton. Call me immediately if anything goes wrong" I said.
"The doc said if rejection was going to be an issue, I would have by now" he said.
"Last chance, do you want wolverine bones or not?" I said.
"I think I'm good. Why would I want animal bones?" Joker asked.
"ARE SUPERHEROES NOT A THING HERE!" I yell.
EDI explains "the superhero genre fell out of public interest in the mid twenty-first century. Jeff, he offered to coat your bones in an indescribable metal."
"Oh yeah I want that!" Joker said.
"No too late you already declined my offer. Shepard…"
The spectre raises an eyebrow "...Yes?"
"I don't know what to say" I said.
"I do. When I picked you ass off Eden Prime, I knew you were special. You drove me crazy all these years, but I also had so much fun. I hate to see you off. It was comforting having you aboard. I'm going to miss you. Just one thing. The Normandy isn't going to explode again will it?" All eyes are glued on me.
"No the ship will be ok. EDI pretend to be a VI when the Alliance takes control of you. Shepard, thanks for this adventure. Living on TuChunka was fun but man was it hot. Now I get to live as a quarian. I'm excited to see what is different" I said.
Rael says "There will be alot to learn about our culture. The ride will give us time to teach you the basics. Commander Shepard I feel that I should thank you. If you didn't know ********* I would be dead and my daughter alone. I'll talk to the other admirals for cooperation in the upcoming reaper war. Until we meet again."
"It was a pleasure having you aboard. You raised one fine engineer. Tali I'm sad to see you go. You're like the sister I never had."
EDI says "It will not be the same without you."
"Weird to think I am going to miss not one but two artificial intelligences. By the way, where is Legion?"
Shepard points to behind us. The geth with an N7 chestpiece strolls down the hallway. I feel terrible for leaving him behind. Legion still has issues befriending other organics and I was the one person there for him. At least EDI will keep hi company. But it won't be the same. Our all-night game sessions after Tali fell asleep. Mentoring him about the complicated relationships between emotions and civilization. I'm really going to miss Legion. Before he could even say a word, I lunged at him and wrapped my strong arms around his cold shell hiding his mechanical heart of gold alloy.
Legion awkwardly pats my back "We are very fortunate to have met you and will use your teachings wisely. As promised we will keep your abilities secret from geth collective. Will we see you again one day?"
"You can always stop by the fleet and check up on me" I offer.
"NO!" Rael and Tali screamed.
"You should be more open minded. Legion I'll see what my schedule is like and we can have weekly game nights. Are you going to be alright without me?" I ask.
"We will be. This platform is not yet capable of feeling sadness" Legion said.
"But you'll miss me" I said.
"Yes" Legion's light dims.
Rael says "I do not wish to be rude but we really should be leaving."
I look to everyone one last time "Thanks again for everything. I know I'll see you guys again one day but the wait is going to kill me."
Shepard said "Us too but we all can use a break from you. Have fun on the fleet. Send us updates."
"I will. Guess it is time to go. Tali, are you ready?" I ask,
"No but we need to get going. I can't wait to introduce you to my aunt. Her name is Shala'Rann but I call her auntie Rann. She is going to love you" Tali said.
"All of you take one last good look at this precious face. I'm going quarian and this artwork is getting covered up" I am just about to transform when Kelly suggests we take a picture. EDI can do it for us. Joker gets up and sits in front of the group. I make the bunny ears behind Rael's helmet. EDI snaps the pic and sends it to all of us. I love this. I'm going to have to get this framed. I transform into a quarian and say one last goodbye. Tali, Rael, and I step onto the shuttle. Tears ran down my face. I tried to wipe them but the mask didn't let me. I reset into a quarain body without tears and snot stains on my face.
I take a seat on the bench. Tali sits next to me. She asks me to hold her, and I do. Hugs feel different in a suit. Not as conductive when it's flesh to flesh. Tali is upset she has to leave. A lot of good things happen aboard that vessel. Feels like we are leaving a portion of our souls on it. Rael moves to the pilot seat, steering us away. The next phase of our lives is about to begin. The starry ocean sailing us on a voyage from one world to another.
