Prompt #11: Blended family shares traditions


A (Blended) Family Christmas Get Together

~oOo~

This year, they get lucky and work doesn't wipe out their plans. It's a gift, one that hasn't been bestowed upon either of them very often over the years, and she knows they're both grateful for it. She feels a little giddy walking up to his door. He's only been back a few weeks, but things have felt different—more charged. She knows when he showed up unexpectedly at her office and she was wearing the compass necklace he took it as a hopeful sign. And truthfully, it was. He said he wanted it to lead her to happiness but she doesn't so much wear it because of that but because it was a gift from him, a reminder of him. And she wants him to know that.

She's nervous today, though. She hasn't seen some of his kids since that disastrous intervention. She's never met his grandkids. And Bernie won't be here today—she's back in New Jersey visiting her best friend.

Noah has been chatting her ear off all morning. Her boy is an extrovert through and through and shows no nerves himself about meeting the entire rest of the Stabler clan at once. He holds the tray of cinnamon rolls in his arms—pulled from the oven right before they hopped in a Lyft. It's a Christmas morning tradition and El had said he wanted her and Noah to share some of theirs at today's get-together.

Almost as soon as she knocks, the door opens and she and Noah are surrounded by voices and hugs and encouragements to put their things down and take off their coats and someone is passing her a mimosa. Her head is spinning but then her eyes land on Elliot and he smiles at her and she sees him roll his eyes like "sorry for the circus" and she remembers to breathe.

"Are those presents for us?" one of Maureen's kids asks of the bag she took out of Olivia's hands and put on the hallway table.

"Kieran, that's not polite," Mo answers, but Olivia smiles at him and says, "They are—Noah and I picked them out for each of you based on what your grandma told me about you." His eyes get big as he asks "You know my grandma?" and they all laugh.

For Noah, it was the cinnamon rolls, but for her the first tradition she thought to share with the Stablers was the books. Every Christmas Eve, she and Noah exchange books and spend the night curled up reading them. It would have been daunting to choose books for Elliot's whole family (and she'd wanted to tease him about it being good she was on a captain's salary now to afford it) but luckily Bernie had invited her to a holiday market last weekend. As they strolled around, Olivia had shamelessly grilled her for as much info as she could, to help her be able to pick out the right one for each of them. She already knew Elliot wasn't a big reader, but she hoped he'd give Project Hail Mary a try—it wasn't her usual genre but she'd loved it and been unable to put it down.

Now Kathleen is in front of her holding up two packages of flannel pajamas. "These are for you and Noah. My mom always gave us new pajamas on Christmas Eve. You don't have to put them on now if you don't want…" which makes Olivia look around and realize that yes, every single

one of the Stablers is wearing these same pajamas in either the red or the green. Including Elliot. He sees her looking, blushes, and shrugs.

"Of course we will!" Noah says. "Right, Mom?" And how can she say no? Although this is certainly not the way she envisioned Elliot first seeing her in sleepwear. While she changes in the bathroom, she wonders briefly what else Kathy used to do for Christmas. How the kids are feeling on the second Christmas without their mom. How they feel about her and Noah being there.

She's not surprised Kathy comes up again during brunch, but it's not in the melancholy or resentful way she would have thought it might be. Instead, the kids bring up fun memories and even ask Olivia about some of hers—what she remembers about their mom and times she joined them for family dinners or birthday parties while they were growing up. Eli ends up telling Noah about the day he was born and when he's done she sees her son looking at her like she's the coolest as he says, "She's always helping people. It's what she does!" and there is no way she's getting through this day without crying.

One of the grandkids (Seamus, she thinks) asks if they can hang their ornaments next and Olivia looks at the tree, confused—it already looks fully decorated. But Maureen says, "Sure, everybody, go find your ornament," and they all head over to a large box on the chair by the tree. She sees they're each hanging an ornament with their name on it. She notices the ones for Kathy and Bernie are already on the tree.

Elliot hangs his and then pulls out two separate, small boxes from the bigger one and hands one to her and one to Noah. When they open them, she tries not to tear up, but Noah catches her. "You ok, Mom?"

"Yeah…this is just, really nice," she tells him.

"Go ahead, add them to the tree!" Kathleen says and she looks at El and he nods. She lets Noah walk ahead of her and choose a spot and then she places hers next to his. He grins at her and she squeezes him to her side for a minute.

"Thank you," she mouths to El, wanting him to know how much something like this means to her. But then she realizes: he already knows. She flashes back to when she'd first tracked down Simon and confessed to Elliot about watching him through the window, how she told him how much she'd wanted to be part of a family because she'd always been alone. She hasn't been alone anymore for years now, but part of her will always be the lonely little girl expecting to only witness scenes like this from the outside.

"You were already on there, you know," Elliot says, suddenly right beside her. She looks to where he's pointing and sees the "Liv Love Laugh" ornament the McCanns had gifted her last year. She is momentarily stunned—how on earth did he explain that one to his kids?—but the grandkids are demanding games and Kathleen is directing them all back toward the dining table.

Olivia is expecting a board game but instead, Maureen explains the two games for this year are bobbing for candy canes and oven mitt gift opening (which, much like it sounds, entails each person putting on oven mitts and for a set amount of time trying to open a wrapped present. It's

harder than she expects). Soon, everyone is laughing hysterically as Elliott tears ferociously into the gift with his oven mitts like a wild bear into a camper's backpack. She realizes she's having a lot of fun.

Elliot had encouraged Noah to choose the movie for everyone to watch after dessert, one that he and Liv usually watch at Christmas, and she was not surprised when he chose Home Alone 2, which he's made her watch every Christmas since she first showed it to him years ago—he's always preferred it to the original. Elliot makes everyone hot chocolate for the movie while Lizzie sets up a toppings bar for everyone to add to it. It's all a little too perfect and for a moment she feels her heart rate and breathing speed up as the usual thoughts telling her to run come up because this isn't for her, she doesn't belong here, this won't last…

"Let's leave the kids for a bit and sit outside," Elliot says, handing her a hot chocolate and gesturing to the patio door. She knows it's not a coincidence—that he saw her panic. He can still read her expressions, her body language, in a way no one else ever has. It's early evening but it's December and already getting dark. "I spiked ours with Baileys," he says as they sit down in the patio chairs. He did, and it tastes delicious and spreads warmth through her whole body.

"Between this and the McCanns last year, I'm worried Noah's going to regret all our quiet little Christmases when he was younger." She'd always tried to give him what she could as far as holiday celebration and cheer but she was also too tired to spend much time contemplating if those efforts were woefully inadequate. Until now.

"Are you kidding? Did you see how excited and proud he was to show us your traditions?" She's still contemplating when he continues.

"You did great, Liv. Not for it being just the two of you, or as much as you could with the crazy job. You did great. I wish…"

"What?" she asks when he trails off.

"Wish I'd been here to tell you. The whole time."

"There were so many times I wished I could call you for advice," she admits.

"Me? I may have had five but with what you witnessed over the years, I'm surprised you thought of me as someone to ask."

"You're a good father, El. You always were. And I always admired that about you."

They sit and watch the stars and finish their hot chocolate. "You and Noah should stay", he says suddenly.

"What?", she asks, caught off guard by the change in topic.

I mean…everyone else is heading home tonight and Bernie's still away. It'll just be Eli so there's plenty of room for you and Noah."

"I don't know El—"

"Just think about it. Not—I know you're not ready for—" He looks at her meaningfully and she almost laughs.

She might be, actually, but today has already been a lot and she's not sure she should push her luck—or that it should be when her son and one of his are in the room next door. But for once, she interrupts all the reasons her ever-pessimistic brain provides for why not and she thinks about what she does want. She thinks about snuggling up against him to sleep, listening to his breathing, waking up next to him tomorrow morning. And suddenly she can't imagine walking out his door tonight.

"Okay," she says and she hears his quick inhale of breath and knows he's shocked at how easy it was to convince her. They're both a little nervous now, and soon they head in to join the kids, and putter around cleaning up in restless anticipation.

Eventually, everyone else has left and Noah and Eli have retreated to Eli's room to play video games (probably until much later than she'd ever let him stay up at home). Elliot offers her a glass of wine and asks if she wants to watch a Christmas movie since they missed the one earlier. "Sure", she says, "but I'm picking." He doesn't groan when she starts up "While You Were Sleeping", which she assumes means he's never seen it. It turns out she's right but he doesn't seem to mind it. She starts to fade about halfway through and rests her head on his shoulder. Soon she startles awake to see the credits rolling and sees he's fallen asleep too. "El?" she says quietly. "Should we head to bed?"

"Thought you'd never ask", he jokes immediately and she realizes he was just resting his eyes.

They head to the bedroom and she realizes there are still plenty of things they don't know about each other. "Which side is yours?" she asks.

"Left. You?"

"Right."

"Perfect", he says, "I'd still give you a kidney but switching my side of the bed might be asking too much."

"Ass," she responds, throwing a pillow at him.

"There's an extra toothbrush under the sink and I got out a washcloth for you too."

"Thanks," she responds, sobering as she realizes they are getting ready for bed together.

When she comes out of the bathroom, he's already in the bed and she giggles a little to herself that they're in matching pajamas. She gets in too and reaches out to shut her bedside lamp off, plunging them into total darkness. She's suddenly terrified. What are they doing?

"Relax, Liv. We can just go to sleep," Elliot whispers. She realizes he can probably feel how tense she is. She's afraid he'll misinterpret it. She wants this, wants him, in all ways, so much. But she never thought she'd actually have it—not after he went back home all those years ago, and certainly not after he disappeared. Sometimes she thinks wrapping her head around this will take the rest of her life, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want to move forward. What is it Lindstrom had said—we are worthy of love during the journey, it's understandable that she feels safer alone but that doesn't mean she can't choose differently, etc. Still, for now, Elliot is right. This, just sleeping together, is a step on its own, and one she wants to enjoy.

"I know", she answers, trying to sound sure. "Goodnight El", she says, reaching out to squeeze his hand. "Thank you for today," she adds. He squeezes back.

"Made me so happy. Having you and Noah here."

She wakes overnight and they've come together like magnets, their limbs completely entwined. Her head is tucked against his chest and she looks up and he's gazing back at her. "Hi", she says. "You're not sleeping."

"Didn't want to miss this. Can't believe you're really here," he answers softly.

It suddenly hits her that there is nothing to wait for. That they love each other—have always loved each other, for better or worse, right or wrong. That they are each other's safe place. That they would never not find their way back to each other. That she's always imagined growing old beside him, and it seems like she might get to. That there was a time in her life she wasn't sure she'd ever feel sexy again, but seeing the way he's looking at her now, that moment feels like it was another lifetime.

"That door locked?" she asks as she kisses his neck and pushes herself even more fully against him.

"Can be", he says steadily as he keeps running his hand up and down her back, but she can see she's intrigued him as his eyes scrutinize her expression.

She wants him to know how sure she is. She pulls his head down with her hands so their lips meet and kisses him deeply and then she sits up and starts to unbutton the pajama shirt.

"Do it," she says.


The author of this SVU - Heart for the Holidays story will be revealed in January