I was running through the forest. I was running for my life. I knew that if I stopped, I had no chance of surviving. He wanted to kill me. He would do it.
I only stopped when I was sure I was safe. I sat down under a tree and clutched the knife in my hand.
He shot at me. He tried to kill me. He missed.
Just a few hours earlier, I was so happy that we would start a new life. Suddenly everything was over. His love has come to an end.
I started crying.
There was no way for me to return to District 12. All I had in front of me was the forest and loneliness.
I closed my eyes and thought for the first time that I wished I had died in the arena then.
I panicked when I realized that I hadn't bled in several months. At first I thought it was stress or malnutrition.
And yet I felt it was something more.
As if my problems weren't enough. As if the love of my life wasn't trying to kill me.
I didn't want to become a single mother in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't just go home either. I was afraid Snow would find me there.
Having no choice, I decided to turn back towards district 12. I needed help. I couldn't cope on my own.
I was already visibly pregnant when I got to the lake house. The days and nights were getting colder, so I was glad that I could finally rest in a good place - in a warm house. In a house that could have been ours - mine and Coriolanus's. If only he hadn't betrayed me.
After a week at the cottage, I had guests. I was afraid my friends were dead, but I was wrong. Barb Azure came into the cabin as I lay on my bed and mourned all the losses in my life.
"Lucy Gray..." she whispered, putting her hands to her mouth as if she couldn't believe she saw me.
"Cousin... there's so much I need to tell you," I said just as quietly.
The woman threw herself into my arms. That's when she sensed a change in me.
"God, Lucy... Are you pregnant? Coriolanus is back in the Capitol. Where have you been?"
I began to wonder if I could have told her the truth. After all, I didn't want her to get hurt because of me. Snow returned to the Capitol and climbed the ladder of success. I couldn't risk it. I decided on a half-truth.
"I had to run away because everyone suspected me of murdering Mayfair. I was afraid for my life and... my child's life. I didn't tell anyone about it, not even Corio."
"You need to contact him, Lucy... After you disappeared, he left... but maybe he'll come back when he finds out..."
"NO!" I interrupted her. "I don't want him to know. He should stay in the Capitol because that's where his home is."
"Then you should go home too," she declared. "Mayfair's father died, everything has changed. No one is looking for his daughter's murderer."
"I can't," I said. "I went out of the district. I was afraid I would be punished for it."
"You're right, stay here and I'll think of something..."
"Barb Azure?" I asked uncertainly. "What was going on with you when I disappeared?"
The woman inhaled sharply and let it out slowly.
"Bad things have happened in District 12, Lucy Gray. The government has become even more possessive. We've got new peacekeepers... they're aggressive, they won't let us trade on the black market or even sing. I thought we'd starve to death, but... "
"But what?" I asked as she remained silent for longer than I could bear.
"I married one of the miners so I could provide for Maude's future, or at least feed us."
I was in shock. I couldn't believe Barb Azure got married. I was only gone for a few months.
"So much has changed in half a year..."
We sat in silence for a while.
"Is your husband good to you?" I finally asked.
"He's the best man in the world..." she replied. "He took us in even though he knew my past and my feelings."
Then an action plan appeared in my head. I no longer had a life in District 12, but my child had a future.
"Is he... trustworthy? Can you tell him I'm here and he won't turn me in to the authorities?"
Barb Azure looked at me with unreadable eyes. She tried to understand why I was asking such strange questions.
"I don't think he would turn you in to the authorities. He used to be one of the rebels."
"Barb Azure, I have a huge request to make of you and I will understand if you refuse... Are you able to take my child as yours once he is born? Will you and your husband raise him as your own?"
My cousin didn't say a word for a long time. I was afraid she would refuse me.
"I'll talk to my husband. I can't make this decision on my own."
I nodded, understanding that what I was asking her to do was risky.
"Thank you..." I whispered.
"Lucy Gray, whose baby is this? Tell me the truth."
"Mine... and Corio."
