I wrote this in September while listening to an unrequited crush song and thought it was time to post it. I apologize if the characters are a bit occ throughout the story. This is my first time writing from Sanji's point of view, so I hope it's not too bad. With that being said, happy reading!
LOVING YOU'S A LITTLE BIT HARD SOMETIMES
Sanji has liked Zoro since their high school days yet never had the guts to confess out of fear that Zoro might not feel the same. It doesn't help that Luffy is in the middle of it all, blinding Zoro with his happy-go-lucky energy whenever he's around.
Despite being a newbie, Luffy found his own place in their group of common friends and Sanji couldn't help but feel replaced because Luffy is the opposite of who he pretends to be and keeps stealing the spotlight each time he tries to impress Zoro.
He starts thinking that maybe, just maybe, Zoro has feelings for Luffy due to how he behaves when the other guy approaches him. Sanji is jealous yet he can't bring himself to hate Luffy. The guy doesn't mean any harm as far as he can tell, which makes him feel like shit for seeing him as a menace. So, in order to not let his emotions get the best of him, he distances himself little by little.
It goes unnoticed at first. His friends assume that maybe he's too busy with his scholarship to hang out as much as before, and Sanji thinks he's safe for the time being until Luffy confronts him.
"Hey, Sanji." he says after a long silence that makes Sanji's muscles tense up. "Do you like Zoro?"
Sanji sighs. He should've seen it coming. Luffy is quite the observant type and he just happens to be an open book for him to read. "Yeah, I do."
"You're just like me." Luffy replies as the bell rings, smiling wide but not quite as usual.
Sanji can't tell if he's happy with this new development or Luffy is just mocking him. For once, he finds his oh-so-bright personality a little too fake for his liking.
"I like Zoro too." Sanji nods in acknowledgment. He'd be a fool not to realize that Luffy has it worse than him. "I like Zoro the most."
"Hmm."
Silence strikes once more as Luffy walks past him and Sanji hopes the conversation is over, that Luffy has no intention of going against him nor play dirty to win Zoro's heart, or so he thought until Luffy's eyes meet his.
"I'm going first."
That's all he says and Sanji knows he's up for a challenge. If he has no plans of going after Zoro, then Luffy won't hesitate to make a move. If he doesn't risk it all right now, there won't be another chance to put up a fight. Even so, Sanji makes no effort to stop Luffy when Zoro comes into the picture. He's heading back home a little late than usual, which Sanji assumes it has to do with Luffy.
It always has to do with Luffy.
Sanji watches from afar as Luffy approaches Zoro, clinging onto him as if they had spent years apart. Zoro grunts but Sanji knows he's not mad. He couldn't stay mad at Luffy even if he tried.
"Are you good to go?" his voice is loud enough for Sanji to hear.
Sanji blames the silent atmosphere. If they were in the middle of a crowd, little would he know of the conversation that's taking place right in front of him.
"Yup!" Luffy beams and Sanji swears Zoro's stoic face softens a little bit. "Is Zoro done with training?" Zoro nods, not bothering to say a word. He's not the talkative type unlike Luffy. "Are you hungry? Let's grab something to eat!"
Sanji watches the scene play out as if it was part of a movie, cursing at himself when his legs refuse to move. Jealousy is a disease; he knows that much. Has he pay no mind to whatever Zoro and that guy have going on, it wouldn't hurt as much as it does. Sure, it would've taken some time for him to move on, adjust to the fact that Zoro has someone he likes and that someone's not him. To which he wonders why.
Why of all people did it have to be Luffy?
Why couldn't it be him?
Why not Sanji?
Back in high school, he was known as a quite charming guy. Girls were head over heels whenever he walked into the room and he knew some dudes had a soft spot for him. Except for one: Zoro.
Zoro was the cold type, rather hard to approach if you weren't brave enough to hold a conversation without stuttering every two seconds. He had no patience to deal with people in general nor to date someone and all that romantic bullshit he wasn't too fond of. He was too focused on his training to mind whoever asked him out or have a long ass crush on him.
Even so, he had a fair amount of friends. It surprised Sanji at first until Zoro warmed up enough to let him in and, for the first time, Sanji thought he had a chance. They spent most of the summer together that year, going on a short trip with the rest of their friends, sharing old stories to get to know each other better and Sanji felt content from the bottom of his heart.
"Say Nami-san." they were watching the waves, calm and soothing under the summer breeze. "Does Zoro have someone he likes?"
"Hmm. I don't think so." Nami said, brows furrowed. "Not that I'm aware of, at least." there's a pause as she settled down a little closer to the shore. "Zoro doesn't talk about himself that much."
"Hmm."
"Why? Do you want to ask him out?" Sanji nodded, eyes looking at the sea. "You sure have bad taste in men."
Sanji let out a breathy laugh. "You could say so."
Now, as he stands at the top of the stairs, he knows that Nami was right. Falling for a guy like Zoro is the last thing he should've done.
"Food sounds nice." Zoro's low voice breaks through his train of thought. "Where would you like to go?"
"There's this place Ace told me about." Luffy talks excitedly as if he has found an old hidden treasure. "Want to go there with me?"
"Sure thing." Zoro shrugs, he doesn't care about the place as long as they don't serve half rotten food. "I'll walk you home later, if that's okay."
"Is Zoro in charge for the day?"
"Hmm. I asked your big bro to give us some time alone." Zoro says as they head to the front door, which makes Luffy stop short. "We rarely hang out those days so..." he clears his throat and Sanji knows he's trying to keep his cool. Luffy is staring back at him, as if waiting for Zoro speak. Sanji wonders if Zoro feels lightheaded whenever those eyes meet his. "Stop looking at me like that."
"But Zoro is looking at me!"
"That's because…!"
Words are cut off short as Luffy takes a step forward. He breaks into Zoro's personal space and Sanji swears his head is spinning. Walls come crashing down and Zoro yelps, backpack falling to the ground with a loud thud causing Sanji to stumble on his feet. Luffy's giggly laugh echoes down the main hall mixed with a quite familiar sound far in the background, eyes never leaving Zoro's reddened face. "Saved by the bell."
"Cheeky brat." Luffy's fast to run, aiming for the front door as Zoro sprints after him. "Come here, you little...!"
Sanji stands motionless as the two of them disappear from sight after passing through the school gates. The bell rings once more, loud and clear as the lights across the corridors go out and silence fills every corner of the old building.
It's time to go home.
[x]
The way back to his apartment is long and silent, the sidewalks dimly lit by a couple of lanterns that show him the way to go. Sanji feels a storm brewing high in the gray clouds, lightning streaking across the sky as flashes of what he's just witnessed blur his vision.
Thin hands cupping Zoro's face, a heartbeat so strong it echoed against the walls, and a pair of lips that weren't his… It all happened too fast but Sanji was sure Luffy had kissed him.
He had kissed Zoro.
"That asshole." Sanji grunts through his teeth. "He did it on purpose."
[x]
Sanji doesn't hear about Zoro until midsummer, and for the first time since they met, he wishes he hadn't.
It's past midnight and he's more wasted that he would've liked to when he picks up the phone. There's heavy breathing on the other end of the line and Sanji feels himself trembling from head to toe once he notices the name displayed on the screen as he presses the dial tone.
Zoro.
Why would Zoro call him right off the bat? That's so unlike him. Not that Zoro's a fast texter, but typing a message suited him better than spending hours on the phone.
Sanji tries to pay no mind but there's something he cannot pinpoint and he doesn't like it one bit. Silence fills the room, heart pounding in his chest and Sanji hopes the call was cut short. He's not in the mood to deal with some sick joke or whatever Zoro has come up with that night.
"Listen, I don't know why you called in the first place but if you…"
"I'm dating Luffy now."
"Huh?"
"Thought you should know."
Zoro doesn't speak again after that, although the call is cut off later on. There's music playing in the background, a voice that he can't quite make out, and that damn breathing he heard as soon as he answered the now-forgotten call.
Sanji goes numb, phone slipping from his hands and he lets his body fall into the sheets. The ceiling turns a little blurry and he's sure there's tears in his eyes. Sanji doesn't bother to wipe them away.
"That hurt, idiot."
[x]
Zoro was never fond of social media, but once he starts dating Luffy, there are a lot more colors in his feed and short captions that don't go unnoticed.
Sanji pretends not to see it at first, mind focused on his studies now that the new semester has started but it doesn't go as planned. He could simply ignore the social media posts, the awkward flirting and teasing between their friends (mainly Usopp), but turning the blind eye when they're affectionate in public is not that easy, especially on group gatherings.
He tries to keep his cool, eyes wondering across the room as the music plays. There's plenty of food, drinks and some good looking girls desperate to get his attention. Sanji is not quite into them but dancing with a girl or two sounds more appealing than sharing a table with the hot couple of the campus.
"I'm going to go dancing for a bit." Sanji announces, nearly bouncing off his seat. "Mind to join me, Nami-san?"
"No, thanks." she refuses his offer with a smile. "I rather wait until Vivi comes."
"Your loss."
Nami laughs and it sounds sweet, mixed with the loud music ringing in his ears and some chitchat between Usopp and Luffy. They've been talking non-stop since they set foot in the club much to Sanji's dismay. Zoro is sitting between them, staring at his so-called boyfriend as Luffy claps and laughs at some unfunny joke Usopp has told him a bunch of times before.
Sanji can't help but wonder what's so endearing about that idiot that has Zoro so mesmerized. Okay, it's not like he's become a different person, but the change in his rather stoic self is obvious enough that even people off campus could tell.
Would it have been the same if Zoro was dating him instead?
"By the way, Zoro." the music seems to be a bit quieter or maybe Usopp talks a little too much due to enthusiasm and a couple of too many drinks. "Did a bug bite your neck?"
Only then does Sanji notice the red marks on his skin. They are subtle, barely visible under the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. He assumes that Zoro doesn't care if they see them or not, or he just happened to be out of line for the night. Whatever the reason might be, what they do behind closed doors is not a topic Sanji wants to listen to. He had enough with that night's call to hear Zoro go into details. Although he doesn't seem to care that much judging by how he shows his teeth and ruffles Luffy's hair.
"Yeah, this little bug bites a lot."
"Zoro bites harder though!"
Usopp's jaw drops at the statement and the rest of those sitting at the table burst out laughing, except for Robin who just lets out a low giggle. The whole situation is quite amusing and Sanji wishes he could find it just as entertaining but what still remains of his feelings for Zoro does nothing but hinder his path.
If he could get rid of it then he wouldn't have to be envious every time he sees Luffy take his place nor would he have the need to throw away his phone upon checking his socials and see how little by little everything is filled with him. If only Sanji could let go of him, he'd be able to say he's happy from the bottom of his heart.
If only he could.
With that in mind, Sanji turns on his hill and makes his way to the dancefloor. He doesn't think about Zoro for the rest of the night, or so he tries.
[x]
It's been months since Zoro and Luffy started dating and Sanji is sure he has memorized every inch of Luffy's skin.
Not because he wanted to, he had simply found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Whether it was the locker room or the school backyard, they were like animals in heat who couldn't keep their hands to themselves. Not that it's any of Sanji's business, but he's sick of coming across the same scene every time he sets foot outside the classroom.
He mentions it to Usopp during one of his many study sessions. It didn't sit well with him to talk about it but in a way he needed to let it out, even if the guy in front of him was the closest to Luffy.
"I'm fed up with all this."
Usopp looks at him with a puzzled expression, his head tilted to the side. "What are you talking about?"
"Zoro and that friend of yours." Sanji says without going into much detail. "I'm tired of seeing them fuck in front of the whole campus."
"I thought Luffy was your friend too." Usopp stares at him, the words coming out of his mouth without hesitation. "Besides, they're dating."
"I know that much."
"Then I don't see why it bothers you." Sanji clicks his tongue, avoiding eye contact, "If you were the one dating Zoro, I doubt you'd hold yourself back."
But I'm not, Sanji feels a pang in his chest, right where his heart is. I'm not.
"I have liked Zoro for a long time and still he chose Luffy over me." his voice sounds bittersweet as he speaks. "It doesn't seem fair."
"Are you saying that Zoro is at fault for liking someone other than you?" Usopp is rather disappointed, and Sanji doesn't blame him. If he were in his place, he'd also look down at himself. "I expected anything but that from you, Sanji."
Sanji bites his lower lip. He had no intention of starting a fight, much less with one of his friends. Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut while he had the chance instead of saying something he might regret. "Sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up."
Usopp doesn't speak to him for weeks onwards.
[x]
Things ended up getting a bit awkward since then. Sanji has been wanting to make amends with Usopp for some time, but he seems unwilling to listen.
Sanji doesn't blame him, but he doesn't think it was that bad either. It's true that he had sounded like a jilted guy who had just had his heart broken, but that's how he has been feeling since Luffy had the audacity to get in his way. Of all the guys hanging around campus, did he just have to set his eyes on Zoro? Wasn't there someone else who could fit his taste?
Being the social butterfly that he was, all Luffy had to do was snap his fingers to have them at his feet. Guess he found it more "fun" to chase down a guy who made a sour face every time he walked through the classroom door.
Sanji brushed it off at first. He thought that being the "new guy", Luffy was just looking to get along with everyone and incidentally make a few friends so he wouldn't spend the rest of the year by himself. As time went by, he realized that things were not quite like that. Although Luffy enjoyed being in the company of most of the group, he always managed to spend some quality time with Zoro.
Sanji knew that it shouldn't bother him that much, but he's fed up with them getting closer and closer when Luffy had only known Zoro for a couple of months. The more he thought about it, the harder it was for him to understand what lied behind the complicity between them as if Luffy had always been there, long before Sanji. It even made him lose sleep at some point that the ever so stoic Zoro, who only cared about training, had bothered to memorize everything that had to do with the newcomer.
It's not that Zoro was inattentive when it came to his friends, but for some reason that Sanji didn't seem to be aware of, the way he treated Luffy was "special." It's not until they've been together for half a year that he finds out why.
"Say Zoro." he talks as soon as he sees Zoro turn the page of the book he's been reading since the bell rang. "Have you two met before?"
"You could say so."
"Why didn't you tell us?"
Sanji couldn't help but feel hurt. He knows that Zoro isn't much of a talker, but why would he keep that to himself? What was the reason?
"Huh?" only then Zoro look back at him. There's anger etched in his eyes, as if Sanji had crossed the line for bringing that up. "Why should I tell you?"
"We're friends." Sanji's mouth burns from letting those words out. Even now he can feel the sour taste on the tip of his tongue. "Friends don't keep…"
"I had no plans to keep it a secret." Zoro cut him off, closing the book on his lap. "I just didn't see the point whether you guys knew or not."
"What about Nami-san?" among all of his friends, she's the closest to Zoro. So yeah, it would make sense if she knew a little bit more than the rest. "Didn't you tell her either?"
"No. She figured it out on her own." Zoro says bluntly. Either Nami was cunning enough to trick Zoro and get the words out of his mouth, or Zoro was just an idiot who gave himself away. Maybe both. "Besides, I wasn't sure it was him at first."
Sanji frowns. He didn't expect Zoro to talk that much, especially when he seemed annoyed that he had brought it up in the first place. "It's been a few years since he changed schools."
"I doubt there's another guy with that name." Sanji almost laughs. Almost. "It's a bit unusual, so to speak."
"I didn't know his name back then." he adds as if Sanji had told him to give some context. "We lived on the same block, we went to the same school, we even played in the park on the weekends."
"So?"
"I never asked him." Sanji looks at him in disbelief. Isn't that the first thing kids ask when they make friends? "By the time I got up the nerve, Luffy had moved out of town and I couldn't reach him anymore."
"Oh."
"So I told myself that if I ever ran into him again, I'd ask him what his name was."
Well that's pretty sweet, Sanji has to admit. "Even if he didn't know you were the same guy he met as a kid?"
"Yeah, I was fine with that."
Sanji then learns that Zoro had no feelings for Luffy at the time, nor did he see him that way. It just felt good to have his first friend by his side after spending years apart from each other.
"I didn't think we would be lovers or anything like that." Zoro says shortly after the bell rings. "I just wanted to spend as much time with him as I could."
"May I ask why?"
"I don't know. I guess a part of me was afraid he was going to disappear again." there's a hint of nostalgia as the words come out of his mouth, and Sanji wonders if that fear still remains. "I was very young at the time and didn't understand what was going on. Nobody bothered to explain it to me either. The only thing I knew was that he was gone."
"Was it tough?" Zoro nods silently and takes the book in his hands again. "Sorry about that."
"Nah. It's okay."
Sanji looks at him closely. It's the first time they've exchanged more than a few words since they met. it's almost as if they really were "friends".
"Luffy is here now, so it's okay. I'm okay."
The bell rings again and Zoro stands up, adjusting his tie before he heads back to the classroom. He doesn't say anything, almost like he expects Sanji to keep up with him and the mere thought makes his throat burn.
Say it.
The hallway fills up little by little, students walking past him as if they've just gotten out of bed. Sanji barely notices it, eyes fixed on Zoro's back as he walks further and further away from where he's standing.
Say it, Sanji.
Time seems to freeze as Sanji takes a step forward. His lips part and the air feels cold as the words he's been choking on for so long slide off his tongue.
Say it!
"Hey, moss-head!" he calls out to him, and it seems to work as Zoro turns to look at him with a frown. "You better not let him go this time!"
There's a smile on his face as he says it and his chest feels light as Zoro's voice runs down the hall until it reaches his ears.
"You can bet on that."
Sanji stays still. The hallways are no longer overrun with students, there's also no sign of Zoro as he has entered their shared classroom. There's only him and the bitter taste of tears that roll down his cheeks as he hears the bell ring once more.
"You did well, Sanji."
There's a hand on his shoulder and a voice that sounds very much like Usopp. Sanji likes to think it's him.
"You did well."
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