Wow, glad to see you guys are still here. Well, this chapter came earlier because of the comments, you don't know how happy I was to hear from you. At the end there is an author's note explaining some things.
Good reading. S2
Chapter 2 - Erin: Born into bad news
"You are stronger than anything life throws your way."
- Brooke Davis
Her life might have ended at the age of 15 if Detective Henry Voight hadn't found her, hadn't saved her life.
Her childhood was not a normal childhood. What kind of child has to take care of a 5 year old baby? Who has to go down a creepy alley to get a package at 7? Who has to save the drugged mom's life when you're only 9 years old and your mom is triple her size? That at 10 her mother is too drugged to defend her from the abuse she suffered from the millionth boyfriend her mother took home? That at 11 she starts stealing to get food? That at 12 she is arrested twice? That at 13 he starts taking drugs and selling his body?
From a young age she had to survive. She had few happy moments in childhood, sometimes what was supposed to be a good day turned into a nightmare. She suffered a lot at the hands of those who should care, protect and give her security, suffered at the hands of those who promised to care and protect her, at the hands of those who swore to be her friend and swore to love her and disgusting and disgusting men.
Her mother introduced her to drugs and at first she refused, she didn't want to become her mother but she needed to be high to put up with those disgusting men putting their hands on her. Living with Charlie Pugliese after her mother disappeared seemed like a dream at first and she thought it would be the best thing that had ever happened in her life, but it got worse and at only 15 years old she had already been abused physically, verbally, sexually and emotionally. , with only 15, she was already selling her own body to survive, to keep the house warm and to have food, she found herself 'in love' with a man 10 years her senior, but at that time she didn't know what love was, what it was to be loved and she never thought she would know.
Becoming an informant was good, it was scary, because if they found out, she'd be dead, but the money was good, she'd rather be with nasty men who liked to abuse vulnerable children and teenagers.
Erin Lindsay, never thought that her life would be different from the one she was living, that she would be loved as a daughter deserves to be loved, that she would no longer have to struggle to have food at home and a warm house in the winter, but Officer Henry (who learned to call him Hank) Voight saved her, if not for him, she would have died or had an exemplary fate to that of Barbara Fletcher, her mother. Having a shotgun pointed at her face isn't cool.
Bunny (her mother's nickname, and well, it wasn't surprising given how much of a guy she was always "jumping" around), disappeared and didn't even care about her, but Erin was on the mend, detoxing.
She went to live with the policeman, got new and very beautiful clothes, for the life she had, she never thought she would finish high school, let alone a private school. At first it wasn't good to lose her 'friends' and be mocked when they found out her true story, she wanted to assault them all, but she couldn't let Camille and Hank down. She never said it out loud but she considered them her parents, she didn't call them dad and mom but they were like they were and when Camille said she wanted her to be a Voight on paper her world couldn't be better unfortunately Bunny never authorized it, but Camille sat with her on her bedroom floor and said 'to me you will always be a Voight'.
Life was very good after moving into the Voight's residence, she had parents, a brother and hoped that Teddy had been as lucky as her. She had a room of her own, it was a huge room (at least for her), she never thought she'd have one, never came close to drugs again, Camille took her to girls' day a few times, they had family dinner every time that Voight was home, they took family trips, she received gifts for Christmas. Her late teens felt like a dream come true, she felt like a lucky girl and wouldn't ask for more than that. Camille said he loved her, Justin accepted her home and she owed it all to Voight, he gave her a family. He was her inspiration. He taught her to drive and she decided to become a police officer and be able to do the same thing Voight did for the city.
She had Camille, Hank and Justin at her high school graduation, at her police academy graduation and was presented by Camille with a red jacket that she had been keen to wear for years. She had to be strong for Hank and Justin when Camille was diagnosed with cancer and when she passed away. She'd had a mother for such a short time, she'd wanted more time with Camille but was grateful for every second that was gifted by her side. She got an apartment and on the first day alone in it, she cried, cried, because she never thought that a street girl like her would make it this far, she was happy. She was a Chicago cop, had her own apartment and shortly thereafter her own car. She was happier than she imagined she would be, independent and didn't need to sell her body for food, she had achieved so much on her own merits and was proud of herself.
She was still surprised, Voight called her to be a member of intelligence and she became a detective, but her work was marked by something else, something she never imagined would happen to her love she won't lie Jay Halstead was her love life, he was funny, sexy, a good partner, but he had something that no other person she knew had, he saw her, he discovered her story and seemed much more delighted than before, he didn't run away, he held her hand her, he protected her.
She had Camille and Hank, but the way she was treated by Jay was different, she was good at hanging out with guys, it was normal to be wanted, but with Jay it was never just that and it scared the shit out of her. She was afraid of trusting men, of trusting relationships and she tried her best not to get carried away by that, until she got into a relationship with a firefighter she did and it's not like she didn't like Kelly, but she was never like Jay , she had never been with him and was already attracted to him, when she accepted to work for the FBI she knew she wouldn't let Hank down and she couldn't take it anymore and she will never regret going to Halstead's house after a horrible day, she would even accept to just sit on his couch and drink with him, just being in his presence felt good, but that was one of the best nights she ever had, the way he kissed her, the way he touched her , the way she felt while they were making love didn't need words to say that their first night was sex with love, she was treated well when she had sex with Severide, but then again the way Jay made her feel, the way she moaned unconsciously when he touched her in all the right places, how she wanted more and more of him, how insatiable she was, how she unleashed him until she heard him moan for her, as his muscles tensed as he held her tightly. There they connected in the most carnal way, but they had already connected intimately, it was difficult to explain what she felt for him, it was love, trust, friendship. She loved him in every way possible, no matter what.
She found herself taking the offer in Wisconsin, she never wanted to get married, the men she met made her give up hope, she wouldn't be subjected to a marriage like Bunny's, but when Jay told her about retirement she got scared, because she realized that even though she hated mosquitoes and being cold and being out in the middle of nowhere she felt safe with Jay, she trusted him like she never trusted anyone before and she would find herself doing that to him. So ending the relationship hurt, she didn't want him to sacrifice his job for her, it might be good at first, but maybe in the long run it would be a reason for them to fight and break up, but she was used to breaking hearts and not having hers. heartbroken, but she had her break before he broke his. She knew how she felt about him, but she didn't want to admit it. Even when Nadia insisted and teased her about it.
Nadia, the girl who was a little sister to her, no matter how many years go by she will never forget her, she will never stop thinking that she could have done more, protected her and saved her life. She misses Nadia so much and knows she will never forget her.
Erin and Jay had their ups and downs and even after Jay saw Erin at her worst, that man was still there, she knew he loved her and she knew she loved him too but was waiting for her to screw it up because she was like that and she would never forgive herself if she hurt Jay, she couldn't bear to lose him, she would rather suffer anything than see him bad, she was used to suffering, to being bad news and she didn't deserve Jay, but he loved her, if possible more than she thought it would be, he didn't look at her with pity, he looked at her with love, admiration and she wouldn't let him go. She was never asked on a date and well it wasn't a traditional request but it was the best request, holding Jay's hand in public, hugging him in public, kissing him in public was not common for her it was so private but it was one of the best nights. Well, every night with her partner and her boyfriend was the best night.
She found herself lost and completely in love, she wanted to fuck him everywhere, she bought lingerie and loved the way he admired her, but he always showed his love and desire for her at all times, whether in pajamas with messy hair , whether in his casual work clothes, with or without makeup, with different panties and bra or a sexy ensemble, he loved her in every way, but she knows he couldn't resist her in panties and some shirt of his, that was the way he loved to see her dressed, but his love was never just carnal, physical. That was good, very good, but her relationship with Jay was amazing from day one. It was as if they connected, their looks said everything they needed to know. Her friendship was something she'd never had before. He was a person she trusted him with her life, her past and her future. She loved the easy games, the way they got along. Their friendship was deep, it wasn't just intimate desire, it went beyond that, they were so much more than that and she loved having that with him, the ease of their relationship, just sitting with him on the couch and watching movies and making jokes and pranks. Every moment, from the calmest and most peaceful to the turbulent and confusing, was good.
After Justin's death and everything that followed he was there for her, he asked her to move, she wanted to run but she loved him, trusted him and all she could imagine was that everything would work out. They were never happier before, she didn't think she would live this moment, she gave herself to him and said something she never said to anyone 'Jay, I'm completely in love with you', she trusted him, she knew she could trust her heart to he.
And just when she thought she couldn't be happier she found out she was pregnant. At first she freaked out, she couldn't be a mother, she never wanted to be a mother, she would be like Bunny, but then she remembered Jay, he would be an amazing father, she wanted to have a mini Halstead, she wanted them to have proof live off the love they felt for each other, but unfortunately Lindsay's life would never be perfect and everything started to fall apart the day after she found out she was pregnant.
She knew about the calls of one Abby, but as jealous as she was she trusted Jay, she knew he wasn't cheating on her, they went to work together, home together, to Molly's together, the moments were rare. who spent time apart and were always one of their friends, so she waited for him to tell her, and he didn't, when she found out the pregnancy she thought about telling him, but he arrived late that night and left early, they met in the break room and he said he had gone for a walk. She was surprised that he hadn't asked her to go with him, he would always wake her up, expect her to join him and she would always complain and throw a pillow at him as she wanted to sleep more and not go out in the cold Chicago to walk or go. at the gym and then he warmed her up and she didn't complain, her morning workouts started in bed and neither of them would complain as they felt like they never had enough of each other, at times she agreed to go for a walk with him.
She accepted his lie, she knew him well enough to know when he was lying but she was still patient however when a woman she had never seen in her life showed up in the district her patience reached the limit she knew she had to be professional at work but when they were alone in the break room she wouldn't wait any longer, she needed answers and when she saw him close the door she knew it could be something bad but never too bad she never thought he was married they they told each other everything and nobody misses a wedding. She felt betrayed and wanted more answers, more explanations, but they were at work, the conversation was definitely going to have to wait now. When the shift came to an end, Jay warned him that he was going to find Abby and she could only think 'wife', what were they talking about? Did he have something with her? How did this all happen? Why did she come back? Just now? She would talk as soon as they got home, she had an appointment, she was scheduled to have a blood test to make sure her, no, their lives would change forever. And yes, it was a shock the second time when her pregnancy was confirmed, she was scared, very scared, but at the same time she thought that she and Jay were pregnant, they would be parents of a baby they made together.
The drive home was awful, tell Jay or not? He lied to her, but she wouldn't do the same. They would work this out together, she decided. The only problem is that Jay had other plans, he was leaving and the penny dropped, he loves his wife, Erin should have known her life was too good to be true. Well Jay said he loved her and he was doing it for her and she thought a lot about it so she wanted to tell him about the baby but she didn't want him to come back out of obligation but because he wanted to be with her but every day it was one worse than the other and then she had a problem with intelligence, if she fought to stay she could make all her friends lose their jobs. She and Jay would be parents, they couldn't be unemployed, she wouldn't give the life she had for her baby. And then Bunny came back into her life and it all just made her freak out.
Maybe it was the hormones, the stress, she didn't know, but her mind was racing. Jay doesn't want to be with her, he was getting back to normal and found out he and Natalie were going out, he didn't want to come home, never mind a baby what if he did it out of obligation? Bunny is always in her life, she can't take the risk of having her son and mother close and her intelligence could be destroyed, she couldn't make her friends pay for something she did. She had a lot going on when her last day in Chicago arrived and this time it ranked as the worst of her life. She knew it wasn't fair to Jay but she needed to go he deserved better and she couldn't be better for him she hated herself for what she was doing but it was for his sake he said he was leaving for her and she decided to leave for him. She couldn't go on like this, it wasn't the best decision, she made plans, she had plans for her and Jay and her baby but it wasn't fair that everyone suffered because of her so she left without looking back.
Manhattan, NY - 2021/Mar
Erin is exhausted from work, they've had a difficult affair the last few days. Lucky for him, it sorted itself out in a week, but even that means countless hours of extra work. Your little girl spent time at the office or with the babysitter. Since her entire team was vaccinated against Covid-19 earlier this year, she was more relaxed about letting her daughter walk around FBI headquarters. They were still wearing masks and only the group that was always present with them were allowed to be very close to the 3 year old girl. Lindsay also dropped her off at her office, it was safer.
Even though she was promoted for a year to Special Agent Responsible Assistant (ASAC), there were times when she worked overtime. It was less work, she had Tucker as her Supervising Special Agent to help her with cases that required travel and field assignments. She just followed along, as she loved the emotion and the action. He just didn't take that much risk and took a calmer promotion to be able to take care and be safe for his whole world that wasn't even a meter tall yet, but weeks like this, even office work were complicated, because the case they took it was hard to get evidence so they focused on saving the kids before it was too late. That was why she had a tired smile plastered on her face. In one hand she held the favorite food for her favorite girl and in the other hand she had a toy and her belongings. She struggles to unlock the door with her hands full and when she does, she walks through her large apartment.
The perks of being a promoted special agent guarantee an apartment that is even too big for an adult and a child. Lindsay wondered how that street girl got out of that unstable life in which she wouldn't even know if she would survive the next day, where she didn't have water, light and often not even a roof to live in managed to be living this life, it felt like a dream. Her apartment had three bedrooms. A large kitchen in conjunction with the dining room and living room, the latter being large and spacious enough for a children's playground. Her apartment was the penthouse, which gave her a great view of the city of Manhattan. The porch was spacious and she liked to have breakfast there. Last year was where she discovered that her little baby liked to calm down in difficult times.
The little feet tapping the floor and the cutest laughter comes towards the entrance. It was Lindsay's favorite moment, being welcomed with open arms by her little one.
- Mommy... Mommy! - The girl runs waiting to be caught in her arms. Erin had to be quick to get down and leave her belongings on the floor without messing up or messing things up and be ready to welcome her baby girl with open arms.
- Hi sunshine. - She hugs and kisses the girl taking her in her lap. Mackenzie Childs appears smiling and greeting Erin. - Hi Mac... - She smiles at the 22 year old girl.
- Hi Erin. - She greets her and bends down to pick up the things that Erin left on the floor and they follow the path. Erin with her daughter in her arms and Mac with the bags and belongings.
- You know it's not time for little monsters to be awake... - Erin puts her daughter on the bench.
-Sorry she was...- Mac starts to apologize, but Lindsay quickly cuts her off.
- It's all right. I really understand. Stubborn little girls are not easy. - She jokes. - But as my favorite monsterl is awake, I think you can open your present. - She says taking the gift bag.
- Git? - Her childish voice and her lack of words give a touch of the love that Erin has in her chest.
- Of course yes. Do you want to open? - She asks, but already opening.
- I want it, pease. - She asks. She still may not speak perfectly, but she is the most polite child. Her eyes spark with excitement as her mother pulls out a stuffed porcupine. She takes it from her mother's hand and hugs it. - Tank u mommy. - She thanks.
- You're welcome, little angel. Now are we going to eat? I brought you spring rolls that Mac loves and macaroni and cheese. - She kisses her daughter's forehead and looks at Mac.
- You must be tired. I think I better go. - Mac says.
- Don't be silly. I bought dinner for the three of us. Please stay. - She asks and the girl accepts.
Dinner goes by full of conversations, mostly about how the girls' day was and Erin's daughter telling her all about her day. Once dinner is over, Mac says goodbye.
- Bye babygirl. - She kisses the forehead of the girl who is on her mother's lap and is accompanied to the door. Erin hands over the payment.
- Have a good night, Mac. - Lindsay smiles.
- Good nigt, Kenzie. - The little girl says goodbye saying goodbye. And when the young woman disappears down the hall she closes the door.
- Now the little monster is going to sleep. - Erin says.
- I don't want to, Mommy. Want you. - She says running her hand on her mother's necklace.
- What do you think about sleeping with mom? - The girl screams with excitement. When she became a mother she was 1000% terrified. She didn't know how to take care of a child, she was scared and it resulted in a library of books on motherhood. She knew better than to let her daughter sleep in her bed, but that was the first thing she thought was silly. Her daughter had her own room and her own bed and she knew very well to sleep in it alone, but when she wanted her mother's snuggle, Erin wouldn't deny it. Screw the book.
As soon as she changes her daughter, she takes her to brush her teeth and lays her on the bed. It was hard to say that she could take just two furry friends to Mom's room. She chose the porcupine and the zebra after much thought.
- I bet Mr. Stripes will love your new friend. Do you have a name for it? -Erin asks as she lays her daughter on her bed.
- Is it a boy or a girl? - She asks.
- Whatever you choose. - Lindsay watches her.
- Mr. Thorn. - She says and Erin can't help but laugh. Her daughter loved naming Mr. and Mrs. thousands of stuffed animals. Erin might consider opening a plush zoo.
- Great name. Now good night to Mr. Stripes and Mr. Thorn for mom to read a story.
- Good nigt Sir. Stripes, good nigt Mr. Thorn, wecome the family. - She kisses them both and smiles. - I want papa. — "papa" was the name given to the pacifier. Erin tries not to, but she insists and Erin gives the pacifier to her daughter.
- Which story are we going to read? - She asks snuggling next to her daughter.
- Moon and back. - She talks with the pacifier in her mouth and puts her head on her mother's chest.
- Moon and back. - Erin knew, she loved the story from the first time she heard it. If Erin was going to read just one, then this would be it. Two and her daughter would choose another, but Lua e Volta was the law. - The kangaroo daddy... - She starts. Some of the phrases the girl repeats and Erin knows that she will soon go to sleep. - ...I love you to the moon. The baby kangaroo says. - Erin knows it's her daughter's favorite part and the silence is an indication that she's already in the dream world, but she keeps going. - The kangaroo daddy covers the puppy and kisses him on the forehead. - She reads the last sentence - I love you to the moon and back. -She had already closed the book, her last sentence was not about the story, it was about the child in her arms. She tenderly kisses the girl's forehead, gets out of bed carefully and covers her.
The day was exhausting and all Erin wanted was to sleep, but first she needed to shower and do her nightly grooming before joining her daughter.
Being a mother was good, very good. Lindsay never thought she would like it this much, not after the trials life has put her through. Her daughter was calm as well most of the time. She was sweet, affectionate, cute and loved to snuggle with her mom, but it wasn't all sunshine. Her daughter knew how to be a storm, little monster. She was stubborn and smart. That was proving itself the next morning. The girl woke up in a bad mood. She didn't judge her, as she wasn't a morning fan either, but being three and being so stubborn showed her childish skills. She was at the stage where she challenged her mother in everything she did. Normally, Mackenzie stayed with her in the morning, so her daughter didn't have to wake up, but the nanny had an early test and Erin decided she would take her daughter.
- Come on, Sunshine. Let's go for the shoe. - Erin asks.
- NO! -Screams and whimpers she echoed through the apartment. She picked up her mother's shoe and threw it. She landed on Erin's lap, as she really didn't have the strength to perform such an act any further, then managed to hit her mother's face.
- What's it? What you want? - She says calmly. There are rare moments when Erin loses her temper with her daughter and when she does she feels like the worst person in the world. That's why she always tries to be calm and understanding. The books say you need to talk and listen to the child.
- NO! - Erin also learned that when the word isn't discovered, even if it doesn't make any sense, it's the only thing the child wants to say.
- Do you want to be without your shoes? - She asks softly.
- Uhm. - The girl waves.
- All right, but later you put it on? By me? - She is crouching at the height of her daughter who is on the couch.
- Yes. - She shakes her head.
- It's all right. Case closed. Let's get your lunch box and go, I don't want to be late. - She takes your daughter.
She walks around the house, grabs her purse, her daughter's backpack, plus her lunch box, her cell phone and badge, and her daughter's booties. She puts her daughter on the floor and puts on her coat. She is wearing white tights, with a pastel pink dress with long sleeves and a warm green coat. She made a ponytail in the child's long hair.
- Can I take Mr. Thorn? - She asks.
- Of course, but only him! - Erin says as she runs out to get her new friend. While waiting, she puts on her light brown overcoat. And she prepares with all the things she's going to have to pack, including her stocking girl. When she comes back her daughter has the pacifier in her mouth, she doesn't know which battle to fight anymore. - Can we put on our boots now? - She prefers it because they have a no 'papa' arrangement at daycare.
- Not mommy. - She extends her arms, Erin accepts and takes her. She learned that being a mother is that, being with a child on her lap that her only concern is to hold her plush friend, in the same arm that holds the pink booties with stars and pink fur in the same hand. A green water bunny backpack on the shoulder. The other hand holding her briefcase, key chain, cell phone and umbrella, because as a resident of the state of NY, she learned that you better never forget your umbrella at home. With that they leave for the car.
When Erin arrives at daycare, as her little girl promised to put on her boots and deliver her pacifier. Erin takes her inside. She's glad it's not raining, but when she arrives at the headquarters it's a different story, she runs inside and thanks the open elevator. She passes by so fast she doesn't even look around the front desk.
When she arrives on the eleventh floor she greets those already working, goes to her office to drop off her things and picks up her report to deliver on the seventh floor. On the way back, she meets Nick Tucker, her friend, and goes upstairs with him.
- I think you have perfect timing. -She says entering the elevator, her sentence being her greeting.
- Good morning to you too, Lindsay. - He plays. - One of the reasons I'm your favorite. - He delivers her coffee. - Cream and little sugar.
- You're one of my favorites. She takes the caffeine in both hands and smiles tiredly at him.
- So, your tiredness is in day care? - He asks smiling.
- Yes and she is only three years old. - The elevator opens. - I swear, that girl has something against me in the mornings, she makes me fight for my money. She today refused to have breakfast and comb her hair, both of which I miraculously managed to convince her to do eventually, but she threw her shoe three times at me, one of them right in my face. She wasn't kidding, besides, she went all the way to daycare on a pacifier. - She smiles, but he disappears when the hallway ends and she enters the room on her floor. Two familiar faces and an apparently familiar body.
-You...- Nick says, but when he turns to her, he notices her shock and that she stopped in place.
Erin surveys the room. Hank is facing her, Hailey is looking at her and then looks at the person that even with her back turned Erin knows who it is. The tension between the moment goes unnoticed for some, less for Sánchez, Tucker and the four involved. His heart skips a beat, but stops once and for all, as he's turning around, when their eyes meet after 3 years and 10 months of not looking into those eyes. Without looking at that body. Without seeing Jay Halstead in the flesh.
"Maybe we have to get a little confused before we move forward."
- Grey's Anatomy
A/N: Please tell me what you think.
Sorry, I know you were looking forward to the reunion, but I needed you to see Lindsay's side too. Don't worry, the reunion will be in the next chapter. And about Jay and Hailey's relationship, I know we don't like it, but it will continue for a while, however, there won't be many scenes about it and throughout the chapters you will understand why.
Next: Chapter 3 - Debts of the Past
Just a little fact: The chapter names are Chicago PD episode names. haha
