The suspense is over, well not exactly, anyway... Happy reading!

Chapter 3 - Debts of the Past

"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone."

- One Tree Hill

No, it wasn't a dream or hallucination or tiredness taking over. Erin Lindsay and Jay Halstead were actually facing each other, facing each other, eyes connected to each other. They were right there watching closely and watching every change that took place in three years and ten months. His eyes were fixed, so much so that he didn't have much vision around him. In this time when they are still, actually rooted to their places, they observe the changes these years have brought about, the frown lines that have been added to their foreheads and in the corners of their eyes. It was also visible in the corners of their mouths, but only when they smiled, but that was out of the question. Looking so much into each other's eyes they missed something. Sparkle, the sparkle was missing in Jay Halstead's eyes, there was sparkle in hers, but not the same before, it was different in a way he couldn't explain.

They didn't say anything, it didn't take long, there staring at each other without even wanting to break contact, it never felt like an eternity. They didn't come out of that trance until Marshall Sánchez decided to break all the tension built up in those few minutes.

- Sergeant Tucker and Lieutenant Lindsay... - If Voight wasn't surprised before, now he was. Upton turned his partner's attention to his ex-partner. Jay would have noticed their shock if he hadn't been in shock. FBI Lieutenant. Sánchez doesn't care and continues. - The Chicago intelligence unit and the SVU are on this new case with our team. -Sánchez knows a lot about Lindsay's life, not everything, but he recognizes the team. Tucker too, but he only touched himself when the Senior Director informed him.

- Eh... - He gasps and puts himself in the professional position. Also, he knows Lindsay needs some extra time. - Lieutenant Benson... - The tension was so much that they almost didn't notice the presence of three members of the SVU. In addition to Olivia, there were Tutuola and Rollins. He eventually closes in on the intelligence members. - Nice to meet you, SSA Nick Tucker. - He extends his hand to Voight.

- Sergeant Voight. -He greets back, but quickly his attention goes to Lindsay. Nick doesn't care and walks to the spot where the two other members are located.

- SSA Tucker. Is a pleasure. He holds out his hand and Hailey takes it, going professional again.

- Detective Hailey Upton. - She smiles sympathetically. - This is my partner...

- Detective Halstead! - He cuts her off, able to introduce himself. He and Nick face each other as their hands move up and down quickly before pulling away.

Now was the time when Tucker couldn't do much. It was Lindsay's turn to go into pro mode.

- Yeah... uh... Good morning! - She gives a shy and awkward smile to the three and looks at the SVU, Olivia looks at her and she smiles with her mouth closed waving that everything is fine. Even a blind man could see the tension and evidently it wasn't all right. Lindsay was nervous and didn't know what step to take, but luckily it wasn't necessary.

- Erin... - Voight approaches, smiling. - I missed you girl. - He hugs her. She is relieved that at least one of them is okay. She hasn't spoken to Hank since...

- So what do we have? - Tucker cuts off Lindsay's thoughts.

- We took a case, probable serial killer... - Benson tells. She watches Erin smile at Hank and pay attention to her.

- We caught him in Chicago, but they took them out of our hands when we got stuck... - Voight continues.

- So, we received a victim of 7 years, days ago and we found out that the intelligence had already had a similar case. - Rollins is still on her side and because of Halstead's situation, she decides to proceed. - Detective Halstead came with the information they had in Chicago. And we found that in both states the victims were between 2 and 10 years old. It's not gender specific, but both were abused and left naked in some public place, as if they wanted us to find them. - She tells those who don't know everything.

- Yesterday we took a case boy, 9 years old, same situation abused, hanged with shoelaces. He has a pattern. He strangles the kids with shoelaces, but they don't seem to be his, they're colorful and look like his brand. -When Special Agent Tereza Sánchez tells Erin she can't help it. It's been stronger than her for years, it's not her job anymore and he probably doesn't even want it, but it's like hearing, feeling hungry, it's involuntary, like a part of your brain has automatic reactions to these situations. She turned, she looked at Jay and watched him. He looked at her and neither of them stopped looking at each other and damn it, she knows. She still remembers. Jay thought to himself. That knowing look was bigger than her confused and mixed emotions at the moment. They just felt it.

- We found a pattern. We haven't accomplished much yet, but we'll work together with as much help as we can. - Sanchez said. He watches everyone and his gaze drops to Lindsay. - Lieutenant. -He calls her and she approaches her. When she does, they enter her private office.

Uninvolved people get on with their jobs, but intelligence, SVU, Nick and Tess look at each other. Hailey puts her hand on Jay.

- Jay you...

- I am fine. - Your lie is evident, but no one will refute it. Not now.

Teresa looks at Nick.

- Is that what I'm thinking it is? - She looks around to see if no one has heard.

- Halstead and Voight. I'm sure yes. - Nick says.

Nick, Tess and Marshall are the only ones on the FBI team who know about Lindsay's story. Everyone knows what she wanted to share with them, it wasn't much, but they were the only ones close to her.

Fin leans closer to Amanda's ear.

- I want my 50 back. - It makes Amanda smile.

- I didn't say they would get married. Just that it was undeniable that they loved each other. Also, did you notice when she mentioned the 9 year old boy and she quickly looked at him? - She comments and he nods. - Want to bet again? - She teases.

- Only if it's to change my opinion, otherwise I don't want to lose my money. - He whispers and they both laugh.

Olivia was close to them, she heard but had no idea. Her concern was on Voight, so she walks over to him.

- Are you okay? - She looks at Voight who has his attention in the office.

- Lieutenant... - He looks at Olivia with a smile. - When did she grow up so much? - He turns his attention to the office. He can't see much, but he can still see parts behind the glass.

- Well, she did. She's dealt with a lot since she moved. I thought she knew. - She also looks around the office.

- Well, we lost touch after a while. What do you mean she needed? Knew what? - Now your attention is not in the office.

- It's not my story to tell. - She says quickly. -But she has overcome a lot, she is stronger now. - She smiles like a proud mother.

- Thank you for taking care of her. - He says to Olivia.

- I promised I would, but I wasn't the only one. - With that cue he looks at the office in time to notice Marshall hugging her. Voight is confused by the scene but is unable to ask as the door opens.

When Marshall called Erin inside the whole scene played out outside as they talked.

- How are you? - It's the first question when the door closes.

- I didn't expect that. - She ignores the question.

- I know, I didn't know until the end of the day yesterday. - He comments. Lindsay and Tucker were wrapping up the previous day's case when Marshall took the case with SVU. - When we arrived there was already a lot going on and...

- It's all right, Chief. - She smile. - Do you know how long they will stay?

- Actually, I wanted to know if you want to take this case... I mean I can move on to...

- No, I stay. It's all right. I just...-her hand makes an unrecognizable gesture and she snorts. - Let's not make it personal, okay? Just work and move on. - She looks at him.

- You know that if you need us, we're here. - He hugs her.

- I know. Thank you, Max. - She says and they leave.

Marshall Sánchez is the man who hired Lindsay. He'd seen her work with children a few years ago, heard about the problems she was going through, and knew he needed Erin Lindsay on his team. He was her savior, without any of them knowing. He welcomed her as a fourth child, as he had three others. Their relationship was amazing, but at the same time it wasn't like he demanded loyalty. They were just good at working together and their story had meaning to the older man. Erin was grateful to find someone like that and he was grateful to have her on his team. Erin Lindsay deserved all the credit for her amazing work.

Voight doesn't know Sánchez, he's heard of him. He is known, but they never got to work together. Voight doesn't understand the fact that Lindsay is with him and not Special Agent Spencer's team. He noticed a lot of change in Lindsay. Not looks, that's also clear, but was she different… emotionally? It can be said like that. He doesn't know how her rank has changed in just three years and it's a notch above him.

Voight and Lindsay haven't spoken much since she left, well it was more frequent at first. She would call and ask how everything was and for the first seven months she would ask about Jay. How was he. She knew she didn't deserve to know, but she asked anyway, and besides, it wasn't like Voight answered much. She stopped asking when Voight said 'he's fine, he's moved on and he's dating, you have to do the same girl'. Her heart felt like it had been ripped out with her bare hands. She knew he would move on, she wanted him to, but she didn't think it would be that fast. She knew she didn't even have the right to suffer, she abandoned him. She left without looking back, with so many lies kept to herself. It wasn't revenge for his lying. She just didn't want people to make any decisions out of pity for her, or do what they didn't want out of pressure. Also, it's not like it's going to change anything, okay it was unfair and Jay deserved to know but then she didn't want him to stay, carry a burden. She was tired of being that to him. And him moving on so fast, showed her that.

But that's not why they parted ways. On some missions it was more difficult to keep in touch with Voight. For the first few months she didn't want to talk much. Connections were few. When she found out about Jay the calls stayed the same, but they were shorter.

So Alvin called, told him about the Bingham case. She wanted to go back, she was on a mission in Bolivia, but she would come back. However, she had a lot to lose if she did. Voight and Alvin forbade her to return. She didn't get in touch until July, which is when her mission ended and she found out about Alvin's death. The worst, it wasn't for Voight. She called and they argued. Voight said that she had to know to some extent but not everything and with that she decided that she would no longer listen and follow Voight's orders. It was tiring and stressful. If he'd warned her, she knew Marshall would have let her come back for the funeral at least. She went, in hiding to say goodbye when she returned in July, but since then her conversations with Voight have stalled. She didn't have Chicago connections, well in a way she did, but Voight was the last one she kept in touch with.

Erin didn't replace her family. God knows how much she wished things had been different. Nick wasn't Jay and Marshall wasn't Voight. They couldn't simply be replaced, but she was glad she'd found them, Tess included.

After leaving, everyone looked at the two, waiting for one of them to say something. And Chief Sánchez started.

- We're taking the case. Lindsay is the assistant special agent in charge of the violent crimes against children section. I am forwarding this case to her and her team. - He tells everyone. And okay, Jay's emotions are completely mixed up, but was that pang he felt pride? If he doesn't know, Voight sure does. He might be confused about Lindsay's move, but hearing Chief Sánchez speak so proudly of her was nice. Lindsay, didn't let herself hesitate. As soon as Sánchez gave her the floor, she stood in the middle to get to work.

- It's all right. I'm going to need all the details on what the Chicago team has. -She looks at them, her feelings are an indecipherable mix and it will have to be indefinitely, now she is being professional. - The SVU and what we discovered with yesterday's case. - She walks across the room walking to the panel.

Halstead watches her closely, he can't help but notice every detail of her. She's different, even though she looks the same as Lindsay, she's still different. In appearance, she is still beautiful, if possible more beautiful than she remembers. She has natural hair, he's never seen it so natural and long like now. She's in a suit and he forced himself not to let his mind race to their first time. It was difficult, but he made it. It was a simple suit, but it was like the night she showed up at her apartment, so it's hard not to remember that night, one of the best of her life. He observes how she is physically, looks thinner but stronger physically and verbally. She walks around the room confidently, it seems she fears nothing. She's always been like that, but when he'd first seen her at the FBI he'd seen her nervous trying to get some approval. Not now, but he imagines it's because she's had the time. She looks stronger, more mature. He hasn't seen her falter, but you can tell he doesn't know much with just half an hour after three years away. When he heard her and then saw her he knew she was the woman from the elevator. She was wearing her overcoat, although she had taken it off at some point. Her hair was the same. He didn't imagine this would happen and he doesn't know what to feel, what to do, what to say, how to react. It's hard just to think about it. He hadn't imagined he would be this close to her after so long.

- Well, at first we'll need all the help we need. - She looks at the intelligence members and her gaze stops on Voight. - If you can, of course. - He nods subtly and she smiles in thanks. - My team consists of 5 members. You met Agent Tucker. He's my right hand here. He is the supervising special agent. - She says what all three know is the same rank as Voight, Sergeant, only with a longer name. - My special agents include Shennon Graham, Mike Kelson, Garry Briggs and Tereza Sánchez. - She smiles at each handpicked member.

- Call me Tess or Agent Pierce. - She says with a smile.

Tereza Pierce Sánchez, was the new member of Lindsay's team, they had known each other since before, as she is Marshall's daughter.

- Lastly and most importantly. - She smiles looking at the last person left to be introduced. - That's Marvin Downey, our IT assistant. - After the introductions made, she returns to the case. - Can you guys update? I want from the beginning. - She asks, who starts is Voight.

- In late 2020 Halstead and I were called to a homicide. At first we thought it was just a gang settling accounts and taking it out on the child. It was a 10-year-old white boy, there were signs of sexual abuse. He was naked and was lying in a position that didn't look like he had been thrown. Whoever did this made a point of leaving the boy lying down as if he was just sleeping. - While Voight explains, Marvin puts the boy's picture on the digital panel. The first is a photo of him alive. It looks like it's a picture of the first day of school. He looks like a happy boy, the photo is followed by his name and age. Soon after the photo of him dead lying in the snow. - We noticed the lace on the neck. It's a red shoelace, we didn't get any prints. - Voight counts the entire first case. Lindsay looks over to see how Halstead handles all of this, Hailey finds the exchange of glances strange.

- Four days later. - This time it was the turn of Erin's heart to stop, or else it was beating so fast that it didn't even seem to be beating. She heard his voice. His legs couldn't go wobbly, not now. She wears her best professional face and tries to pay attention to him. It was hard to start talking, but he had to be professional and find the culprit. - We found a little girl. Four years. - Erin's heart stops when she looks at the picture on the panel. It doesn't go unnoticed by anyone. Especially when Nick comes over and runs his hands down her back. She tries to compose herself when she notices everyone looking at her. She sees Hailey apprehensive. - Position and death were the same. He strangles children with red shoelaces. - He says and unintentionally, looks compassionately at Lindsay. If he knows...

As the other children are mentioned and their sad stories told, Lindsay shares her thoughts and listens to everyone else's.

- Let's keep everyone updated. I want you to work together. - She watches everyone, Marshall was already gone, he trusts Lindsay's abilities. It starts by uniting the teams into three. - Kelson, Briggs and Graham. I want you to speak to the Steve family. - That was the case the FBI found, 9-year-old boy. -Tucker, Rollins and Halstead... -She can't deny it, she hasn't said his name like that in years. - ... if you can, get everything about the witnesses in the Chicago case and the families. - She says. - I want Tutuola, Pierce and Upton, with the case and the Green family. - Everyone starts to work, left her, Olivia and Hank who were looking to see if they got any DNA samples, any clues in the cameras that Downey was looking. The day passed like this, each subgroup working on its clues, occasionally getting together to share their findings. The day had news, but it still wasn't enough. They were looking at one DNA sample that went nowhere and the other one was inconclusive. They would at least get a sketch in the morning. And they decided to call it a night.

Halstead left just as Lindsay informed them they would be calling it a day. He wanted to go to her, talk to her, but he didn't know what to say, besides, he wanted to stay as far away from her as possible. He was angry, very angry, she moved on and wouldn't be surprised if Tucker was her boyfriend. It was so easy for her to move on, okay he wanted her to be happy but he didn't think he would. She didn't even care about him, as if he was just another case, with some team.

He was being irrational, but he was furious. He spent the day with Sergeant Tucker, the man talked about Lindsay all the time as if he knew her. He didn't know her, well maybe he knew the new Lindsay and Jay only the old one. He saw her eyes, it didn't look right, but he was angry and he wasn't thinking straight. He couldn't stand being with those people anymore as if everything was normal.

- Hey... Jay! - Upton ran after him. Lindsay watched all day as she stayed close to Jay, when she broke them into groups, she noticed Hailey watching him whenever they were in the same room. And when Jay left she immediately ran after him.

- I'm just tired. - He answers the unasked question.

- Well, I didn't say anything. - She comes closer. - If you want to talk, I...

- Talk about what? We're here for a case! -He was rude, but he hated being surrounded when all he wanted was time. Hailey wanted to be there for him, but she knew he wasn't really in the mood to talk.

- I'm sorry...

- No, I'm sorry. - He says. - This case, these days, has been crazy, but I shouldn't take it out on you. I just need some time. - He says, softly this time.

- Let's go to a hotel. - She says.

- You go, I'll walk and clear my mind. -She wanted to fight, but she didn't. When she left and took an Uber, he left headquarters to unwind.

Meanwhile, Erin was gathering her things in the office. She was grateful to have left at a good time. She wanted to spend time with her little girl. She felt bad for her parents and couldn't imagine going through the same thing. Her thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door. It was Voight.

- Hank, come in. - She smiles at him.

- Your own office, supervisory special agent in charge, your own team. - He smiles approaching. - I'm proud of you. - He smiles at her.

- None of this without your help. - She leaves her bag and coat that was in her arms and leaves them on the table. One thing that surprises her is Voight's nervousness. She was, but it was normal, not Voight was either.

- Your credit. - He says awkwardly and after a while in silence he speaks again. - Do you have time? - He asks. - We can have dinner.

- I'd love to, but I have to go home...

- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...

- No, not Hank. I called my nanny 10 minutes ago and told her I would be arriving early, but I want you to come. - Truth be told he stopped listening when she said babysitting. She realized that. - Yeah... uh... I... I have a daughter. -She turns a picture that is on his desk. Voight was in shock at the news, but walked over to the table to pick up the photo. Erin nervously introduces her daughter to Voight.

- She is beautiful. - He says looking at the little girl. He observes the features, the features, the eyes. - How old is she?

-She'll be four in early autumn. - She says. When will Voight ask the million dollar question. Her cell phone rings. - Hi Sunbeam. -He might not hear the other side, but the smile of the girl he raised as his was enough to know that the other side was the girl in the picture. - Let's go and you can meet her. - Erin says after hanging up. In just two minutes he already saw what an amazing mother she was.


They stopped at a Thai restaurant before heading to her apartment. Voight didn't think much of luxury, but he sensed she had good taste in an apartment, it wasn't anything over the top, but it was big and very pretty. He couldn't see much because on the way to the apartment the child came running towards the mother.

- MOMMYYYY! - She was excited that Erin arrived early.

- Hi little monster. -She kisses her daughter's forehead and carries her with the hand that doesn't hold her food or bag. - How was your day?

- Vewy coooool! - She says excitedly.

- I'm looking forward to hearing, but first I want you to meet a very special person for mom. - She turns to Hank. -He was Mom's boss, but more importantly, he took care of me and gave me a family. -His eyes are fixed on Voight. - Remember what I told you? -She silently thanks Mac who is beside her and took her belongings.

- Hi little girl. - Voight's voice startled her and she snuggled into her mother, her arms around her neck and her head on her shoulder looking shyly.

- Looks like the man in the pictuwe. - She tries to whisper, but fails.

- It's him, sunshine. Say hi to Hank.

- Hi, Hank. - Even shy she greets him sharing a smile.

- Hey. - He smiled. The scene of Erin holding a small child in her arms is something he didn't think he'd see.

- Hank, this is Mackenzie the nanny and our friend. - The 22-year-old smiles. Mackenzie is a native of Los Angeles but studied law at NYU and lived two blocks away. - Mac, this is Hank, part of my family. - She smiles at him. - He's from Chicago. - They greet each other and enter, Erin gives a mini tour before joining the table. He watches Erin's daughter excitedly tell about her day, watches Erin cut the chicken, put the vegetables on the girl's plate and on her own, the Erin he knew hated vegetables but this one was eating. He watched the child thank the mother, chew slowly when Erin asks, and finish chewing before speaking. Erin is totally unaware that she is being watched.

The kid was a stick, Lindsay was trying to make up for the affairs. She started day care a short time ago, it was traumatizing for both of them to ask herself and Lindsay, she's been working a lot, so she wanted to at least have time at night with her daughter, but today she wanted to have a chat with Voight so she asked Mackenzie to put her on. in bed.

- No MOMMY! I want u - That was not your daughter's plan apparently, she was screaming, her little face red as she cried and reached out for her mother to catch her.

- Hey, hey my little angel come here. - She can't take it and takes her daughter. - Hank, I'm sorry I...

- Go, I'm out of time, I'll wait. - Voight says. She thanks him and enters her daughter's room. She had to bathe her little girl. So she does it quickly, just washes her little body and leaves her hair as it is late. - Which pajamas do you want today? – She always lets her daughter choose her clothes, but she gives options, otherwise it would be costumes every day, all the time.

- This. - She points to a white sheep pajamas/overalls.

After putting it on, she remained clingy, she normally wasn't so possessive maybe it was the man in the room, or his absence over the last week, but after the day Erin had today she wasn't going to complain, even though she knew Voight was probably in the room waiting for her. She lays her daughter between her arm and breasts, while the other held her legs and supported the girl's ass. According to the pajamas she chose the sheep as the plush of the night, she also asked for the pacifier, Erin has been trying to take the nipple off since always, but her daughter won't let go, taking the nipple out is more difficult than unfurling it.

Diapers came back two nights ago when she had two accidents during the week, she was hoping to take them off again in the next few weeks, but the nipple was the problem, even the agreement that it would only be overnight, she insisted all the way to daycare, the night before bed and if she took a nap during the afternoon. Erin was worried about her daughter's teeth, but the pediatrician warned that they were still in the phase, it was normal to get attached to some things.

Erin was rocking her daughter from side to side, singing a lullaby.

- Twinkle, twinkle, little star... how I wonder what you are...

- Camille used to sing for Justin. - Erin looks at Hank standing at the door.

- Works when she's agitated. - She whispers without stopping the movements.

He nods and observes the child's room, anyone who saw Lindsay now would never imagine that she went through everything she went through in her past. The child's room was a perfect example of a mama's girl, it was in a pastel tone, light details with touches of light brown and white, the lights gave a cozy atmosphere. He notices that the room's theme is safari, there are animals decorated everywhere on the wall. The bed was Montessori and had rails with an opening for her to get out on her own. He didn't spend 24 hours with her, but he did notice a big change in the life of the girl he got off drugs.

Erin put her daughter to sleep and finally she and Voight could talk.

- I've never seen this picture - As soon as she leaves the room she observes Voight with a frame in her hand and smiling.

- One of my favorite. I think the most "complete" can be said that way. - She puts air quotes. The photo was from Jay's birthday. It wasn't all cute and gathered, they were all messed up. On the far left was Kevin smiling with his glass in his hand. Next to him was Adam screaming and one of his hands in the air while the other held a green cup, and he had big star-shaped glasses on his face, he was visibly drunk. Kim was in the middle of the two, she was laughing at Adam and with her eyes closed and her hands clasped together, she would no doubt have the photo deleted. Antonio had his hands in open palms and his mouth open, probably singing and clapping. In the middle of the photo was Nadia, she had a big smile on her face, looking at something specific. Facing Nadia was Mouse with her hand on Jay's shoulder and her mouth open. In front of Jay was Lindsay holding a birthday cake. While some were looking at Jay or the cake, Jay and Erin were looking at each other, it was as if it was just the two of them. Nadia was watching them. In the background, seated barely visible, were Al and Hank. Everyone was kind of sideways looking at the birthday boy, singing happy birthday and clapping. It was a happy photo. A photo of a good time and it was unique.

- How could she recognize those faces? - He asks laughing. - Me and Alvin barely appear in the picture.

- It wasn't that one... - She points to a less confused one, it was from a day's work, it doesn't have all of the previous photo. Just Kevin, Kim, Jay, Erin, Antonio, Voight and Al. - I have some other pictures. She informs him by looking at the photo she just showed Voight.

- Do you keep pictures of intelligence? - Your focus is now on Lindsay.

- It wasn't just a Hank job. You are my family, even if they don't think so after all I've done... - She informs him.

- Girl, they don't...

- No need to lie, I know they resent me. I don't blame them... - She interrupts him, but not for long.

- Erin, you did what you had to do. You don't...

- I know, I regret it, but at the same time no, I was confused at the time and there was a lot going on. - She puts the picture in place and walks through the living room. They are silent for a while before Voight asks.

- What happened to the counterterrorism division? - He watches her, she was walking slowly backwards. She stops and turns to him.

- It was the worst job I ever had, the worst team. - She is honest and takes a deep breath. - Well, being a prostitute in my childhood/adolescence was worse, but I didn't have much choice. What they do? - She looks around remembering some moments. - It's inhumane to do with a person, they think that just because we have a past, we want and we know how to have control over things, they don't care about you, they don't support you... All for the work right? -She says and it is noticeable a hurt in her voice. - I almost lost everything, I almost lost myself again...

- Erin, why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you, I didn't imagine they would do that... - He feels guilty.

- No, I couldn't. I was tired of waiting for someone to save me, waiting for them to get me out of the hole, I had to deal and save myself, I can't trust people and depend on them, it was hard, but I managed. After a while, I managed to become better for myself, when I left a mission in Venezuela, I and other agents teamed up against the CTD, they knew that we had enough evidence against them and what we were going through, so we closed a deal, they paid us compensation. I was a deal, but I couldn't take it anymore, I would fall down the rabbit hole again and I knew I couldn't go on living like that. - She thinks of her early years.

- Did you terminate the deal? - He wanted to protect her, but he didn't watch her, didn't check on her, well he called occasionally, but she lied saying everything was fine.

- I said I would take them in a lawsuit about moral damages... When the... - She thinks and decides not to continue. - The bureau was in trouble, a process would not be good, so they released me from the agreement. I had worked with Marshall a few times, I knew he wanted me on his team, it wasn't too difficult to accept the job when they are from the CID and their branch is the violence against children section, I wanted to make a difference, for myself, for my past, for everyone who didn't have the opportunity to grow up in a good home, in a home full of love and security, above all for my daughter, she deserves all the love, all the affection and security, not having to grow up in a home like the one I grew up in. When I was promoted to SSA, I was happy, I had my own team, but the work was also exhausting, even though field work was less frequent being a sergeant, I wanted to be more present in her life, she needed attention, in fact it was just we against the world...

- Er...

- No, it was my decision, besides, I needed to grow up. I was afraid, very afraid, she needed attention and a lot of care, I didn't feel capable, but when she called me mommy for the first time, when she was sick and she just wanted mommy, when she smiles when I arrive, that ...she... - She looks at the half-open bedroom door and thinks about her daughter. - ...she did... no, she makes it all worthwhile, she makes me want to cut down on my fieldwork to solve office jobs just so that at the end of the day I come back to her, she makes me strive to becoming a lieutenant, so that I have a chance to see her grow up, makes me sure that every decision I make will affect her life and if it's not the right ones it could be bad for her. So, leaving Chicago, moving to a city that only brings back bad memories, being alone and all the ordeal I had to go through was worth it, because in the end, there's a kid down the hall who makes all my world worth it...

The conversation was moving, Voight asked more about work, about the 3 year old girl and about the elephant in the room... Jay Halstead. She withheld a lot of information from Hank, not that she didn't trust him, she did, but she learned in 3 years and 10 months that he doesn't need to know everything as he doesn't tell everything. He was keeping things from her too, she didn't know and those hidden things were the mistakes he made, but they decided it wasn't the time for her to know.

Erin was surprised at herself for her attitude. She hadn't expected to be this strong, she thought Voight would still make her open up when she saw him again, but this reunion showed her how much she needed this time alone. She was finally her own person and was looking forward to what was to come.

"But there comes a point where you have to suck it up, and stop whining and start living!"

- Grey's Anatomy


A/N: Jay and Erin will be next...

Important! This is March 2021. Which means there is still Covid-19. They've all been vaccinated and wear masks, but they've been tested by the FBI as a protocol, so they're not wearing their masks at headquarters. (this is probably wrong, but I needed it for the story).

At first, I believe that everything will be a little confusing, but in the end you will understand. I want everyone to take a part of Lindsay's story, so in a few moments Voight will know, but then I switch to Jay, so if I don't comment at the beginning, it's just because it will be covered later on and in the end everything will fall into place. . And I know you guys are wondering whether or not Hailey knew, but I'll save that for the chapter where she and Jay talk. I hope you enjoyed.