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Chapter 7 - She's got us
"Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state's of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar."
- Grey's Anatomy
Jay was restless all day, his muscles were asking for rest, his body wanted to be able to relax, the only problem was that this time his heart and mind weren't ready to do that. He ate during the day, but not out of hunger, just so he wouldn't pass out in the middle of work. While he was sleepy, he couldn't stop letting his mind wander.
He spent all day watching Lindsay, she kept checking her cell phone. She was all day trying and making sure her little girl was okay. He couldn't think of much. He wanted to know why he still had a feeling that she was hiding something from him. He didn't want to admit it but last night that's all he thought, there was something wrong with this story. He saw it in her eyes. He felt her getting more nervous around him as if she was hiding something.
It was so hard for him to believe that the girl wasn't theirs. Yes, he did, but at times he didn't. He thought, the girl could very well look like him or someone in his family. It's okay that she didn't have total traits like him or Lindsay, and she really didn't look much like her mother, maybe the dirty blonde hair was the same as when the ex couple met, but hair dye isn't DNA.
He was very angry, he knew how to define that feeling and it was what he hated the most, because he couldn't explain why. He didn't know why anger was what was most present with him. He found himself getting mad at everyone, Hank, Nick, Hailey, and especially Erin. Everyone was on his list, he was very angry.
He really wanted to know why soon, he wanted to talk to Lindsay, get this out in the open once and for all. He didn't want to be left with any feelings locked away like that, in fact all he wanted was that when he felt that all the lies were over, when all his questions were answered he would go back to Chicago with the case finally closed and then he would talk to Hailey. and he would understand. He really hoped his anger at her lying would pass. Maybe it was the fact that so much was happening that made him think he was being fooled by everyone and all this pressure around him, he felt a weight on his back and was tired of carrying it.
He had a feeling in his heart with that little girl, maybe it was due to his first thought when he saw her, being hers or not it was too much of a coincidence, right? Well, he got restless and at the end of the night he finally decided to ask Erin for the truth. They might not be 100% like they used to be, but he believed that Lindsay was still the woman he knew years ago, at least in terms of her being honest with him, he saw it in her eyes and in her willingness to tell him something. .
He understood the interruption, Hughes was found, he'd waited nearly four years, he'd wait a few hours.
What had actually been days, yes, they'd made a small mistake, finding Hughes didn't exactly mean catching him. The officers found his hideout and yes, he was there, however while they didn't have backup the two officers didn't go in and maybe the assassin saw or heard something that made him run away.
It's been two long days. Everyone was extremely professional, as they practically had no time, and Jay respected that the free time Erin got would be for her daughter who was recovering from an illness.
The FBI, with the help of members of the SVU and Chicago Intelligence worked overtime looking for Hughes, they barely had time for lunch, each and every lead had them digging and that included every phone call, every piece of information they received from witnesses. The bad thing about spreading this fact around the city was that in addition to the fear it also caused high volume of calls and tips, sometimes from the entire country, they received thousands of clues and that meant faithfully following each one of them, it wasn't a robbery in a store, it was the murders of little children.
Superiors decided that as much as they didn't want the case to go to the media and they soon renamed it Hughes "The Angel Hunter". It made perfect sense, what the children were and even from the position the man left them, it seemed that he felt that even with his actions the children would go to a better place, the way he arranged them after they were dead, made them everyone think he knew of the innocence of these poor children, which made him even more sickening and frightening.
It was two intense days. Charlotte was extremely attached and Erin felt this would impact her daughter, her mother always going to work and leaving her. She tried her best, but she didn't want to hesitate taking her daughter to work, it was a very heavy case and as a mother, she really wanted to be responsible for arresting that man. She felt her team was capable but she wanted to do it for her, for her daughter and for all the kids and parents so she would reward her daughter after all this, not with toys or bribes, she wasn't like that, but with presence and love, that's how she wanted to build her relationship with her daughter.
Her mind didn't have much time to think about Jay, she thought, but she avoided it, she had her new trick of not thinking about him or the consequences of it all, she decided that this way she would protect her heart and it was working. .
Hailey didn't have much time either, but that didn't mean she wasn't feeling the distance from Jay. That didn't mean that it completely cooled their relationship, but she didn't say anything, she didn't say anything at all, because it went beyond the personal, the professional was shaking the whole country. There's a child killer on the loose, of course, he probably won't strike again, they're all watching him and one mistake and he'll be caught.
After two days since Jay had asked Erin to tell him things, they'd finally gotten some down time. It was lunch time and Lindsay sent them to lunch.
- How is everything there? - Mackenzie asks.
The day before she'd spent the whole day with Charlie, she didn't want to be rude to Lindsay, she understood the woman, but she missed college and it was exam time. Whenever Charlie was difficult Lindsay managed, this was the first time Erin really needed her a whole day and that was why she didn't want to complain about anything to Erin.
- We took a break for everyone to go to lunch, there are no new calls we can take, or clues we have to go on. We have detectives and officers watching, so we need a break. - That was true, Lindsay wanted her daughter with her now, wanted some time, because the day before she saw her little girl for 15 minutes awake and an hour while Charlie slept. This was shit, she already had plenty of reasons to hate that miserable killer.
- How is everything there? - She asks.
- Charlie was distracted with many games, we went on a safari with her toys. - The girl was really passionate about animals. - Today I had to let her watch TV, I'm sorry about that it's just...
- Oh my God, you're in exam season and Charlie isn't being easy. - Lindsay thinks and puts a hand on her forehead.
- MS. Lindsay don't worry about it, I just... - She says but is interrupted by Erin.
- Of course I worry, it's not part of the deal that you fail. - She says and looks out. You can't see it very well, but she decided that for today, if she didn't have any captures or calls for that to happen, she wouldn't go out into the field, she knows she can't leave Headquarters right now, but she has an idea. - Bring her here. I need you in case I'm called, but I still get to spend time with her so you can use an interrogation room to study. - She offers. It certainly wasn't the best idea she'd ever had, but it was the only one possible at the moment.
When she ends the call with Mackenzie who started getting everything ready to go to headquarters, she soon gets another call, this time it was Voight.
- You need them don't you? - Erin questions him without even a hello or waiting for one. Jay had been in New York for over a week, it was just for him to go over what he had on the case and he stayed to work and Hailey was almost a week too, which meant intelligence had a Sergeant and four people on staff. They needed their two detectives back.
- Actually more or less. They've got their work, but Ivory Tower told me I would have to notify the FBI that if within two days they don't have any solid leads or anything leading to Hughes' arrest, they should come back immediately, no arguments. - Voight warns.
- Alright, I think we've lost that, not completely, we won't give up until we find him, but I really understand. - And it was true, as bad as it is, they were Chicago cops, of course they wanted to be cops to save lives, but they also had superiors and salaries, in addition to their districts. They were paid to work in Chicago and yes, they could be borrowed, but they had deadlines. And Detective Halstead and Detective Upton's deadlines were running out.
Lindsay agrees with Voight and they talk a little, not too long, before she hangs up. She takes a deep breath, put all the exhaustion on her back and made her work through it all. She huffs, puts one hand on her hip and with the other wipes the nonexistent sweat from her forehead. She puts the palm of her hand on her forehead and the hand that is on her waist on the table and leans forward a little. She needed this man caught soon.
She hears a laugh and looks up, outside she notices Tess laughing at something Nick or Marvin said, she doesn't know as they both have their backs to her around Tess. Her gaze is averted when she notices Jay and Hailey entering.
Lindsay didn't have that much time to think about the two of them. It hurt to see them in a relationship, sure, she didn't have any confirmation, but she was a former detective and she wasn't an idiot, she saw how Hailey looked at Jay. It was hard to decipher Jay, she was avoiding looking at him and let alone watching how he looked at Hailey. The truth is, if she had noticed even once, she would have noticed that Jay, for some reason, wasn't looking at Hailey at all. Whatever.
She then puts on her professional cape again.
It always has to be like that with him, I don't know why you're surprised. Lindsay thinks to herself and so she walks to the door and opens it.
- Detectives, please. - She calls them. Chicago detectives stare at each other and then walk over to their ex-partner. - I just talked to Voight, he said that Ivory Tower wants you two back within two days if we don't find anything consistent, your help is very welcome here, I know you're doing more than you should...
- It's our job to care and protect, right? - Hailey asks.
- Right. - Erin smiles at her. - But still, I know you have someone to follow and it's in Chicago. So you can use that time they've given you or you can go back now, we appreciate all the help but I don't want you to think that...
- Let's stay until we can't anymore. - It's Jay who answers. Hailey looks at him a little surprised, but agrees with him.
- I really appreciate that. - Lindsay says and smiles at them. There's something about the three of them being professionals that works really well. It's as if there were no problems between them, it's as if they didn't have internal and personal problems that consumed them inside.
As they are both starting to head back to the table, they notice Charlotte running up to Nick.
- Uncle Nick... - She screams being the first one she sees. That's because Tess was on a wall with her back to her. Marvin in a slightly hidden side and Nick was the only one visible to the girl. Lindsay would also be in her daughter's field of vision, a little behind everything, since her office was deeper in the big room of the FBI, but Jay and Hailey's body were blocking her mother's view, so she runs to the front door. first familiar face she can see.
- My Chacha. - He leaves his coffee cup on the table. Now everyone turns to the girl who is welcomed into Nick's arms. - I missed you so much. - He kisses her cheek.
- Me too. - She says and the man tickles her. They don't spend much time together when Tess calls her and with that her attention is fully directed to Aunt Tessa.
- Didn't you miss your favorite aunt? - She questions the girl who immediately stretches her arms, signaling that she wants to be caught by the woman.
- You never visited me again. - She pouts and Lindsay smiles, no one can resist her. Jay finds the scene adorable and knowing she wasn't Erin's biological daughter, he imagines she taught her daughter very well, as it was that grimace Lindsay made when she wanted something from him. It worked every time.
- Oh my baby girl, I'm sorry. I promise I will visit you more often. - She kisses the girl's forehead.
- Little finger? - She questions.
- Little finger. - And so the two join fingers in a promise. Marvin greets her, they don't have a relationship like Nick and Tess but everyone knows the story of the girl and Lindsay which means she is comfortable and well known in the office however today wasn't the day to run around greeting everyone , because yes, over the years, Lindsay has insisted that her little girl shy with strangers change with her handpicked team.
Charlotte has always been very shy, ever since Lindsay met her, but with her upbringing, the girl was opening up and trusting the people who were frequent in her life.
She was soon delivered to Erin through Tess. Jay didn't seem to want to move, Hailey felt he stayed on purpose and so she decided to stay with him, it was high time to finally meet Erin's daughter.
- Hi my sunshine. - Lindsay picks her up. - Mom missed you so much.
- Me too, Mommy. Lots of. - She says and hugs her and Hailey smiles at the scene, as well as Jay and Tess.
- Thank you, Mac. - Lindsay says to the nanny who will soon go to the interrogation room to study.
Lindsay doesn't talk to her daughter much, as Jay and Hailey's presence was a reason to introduce her daughter to Hailey, besides, if it wasn't, she wouldn't have time for it, because as soon as the girl notices Jay she starts her own conversation.
- Jay... - She smiles sweetly at Jay and finally he sees that smile. It was beautiful, it was charming. He was familiar, but Jay figured it was all in his head, so he didn't say anything other than return the beautiful smile and say hello to the three-year-old.
- Charlie, hi princess. - He smiles at her, but with that nickname she giggles more and hides shyly on her mother's neck.
- Oh, don't be charming little monster. - Erin tickles her daughter and that scene enchants everyone, the girl was really cute, especially with her sweet laughs. - Sunshine, I want you to meet Hailey... - Erin says after she stops tickling her daughter.
- Hi... - Hailey smiles at her.
- Hi... - Charlotte's arm goes behind her mother's neck and she lays on her shoulder, practically shy with the new introduction.
-She's Jay's partner in Chicago and she's here helping us. - Erin says and the girl watches her, without a word. That was how Charlotte was with complete strangers. She would hide behind Erin after saying Hi, she talked a bit with Hank and talked with Jay, because her mom used to tell her about them sometimes, so she always remembered the pictures she had. Charlotte doesn't know that her mother and Jay dated, that's not what Erin talked about with a three-year-old girl. Hailey wasn't in any of the pictures, and it's not like the two of them are the best of friends to talk about each other.
- It's a pleasure to meet you Charlotte. -Hailey says and smiles at her, it's all she thinks she can do, the girl reciprocates, but soon her attention goes back to Jay.
- You haven't seen my toys. - She remembers the promise Jay made.
- I'll... - Jay thinks about what to say after clearing his throat. What a strange situation. And he certainly wouldn't say "sorry, I was too busy chasing a killer who kills little kids like you." It was very bizarre to think that he really should go because he promised and he felt he couldn't break her trust.
Marvin went back to work, Nick came over carrying the girl's things as Mac went into the interrogation room to study. Which left the remaining six near Erin's office door.
- Let's go back to look for more information. - Hailey interrupts her boyfriend, she wasn't jealous, confused or anything, she just imagined that everything was being weird for everyone and they agreed, so they just leave.
- You're subpoenaing everyone for a visit, huh, young lady. -Lindsay says after releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding.
- What is subpoenaing mommy? - The three remaining adults laugh.
- Giving orders to someone. - She says and Charlie nods and smiles at her mother.
She spends half an hour with Tess in her mother's office when Lindsay is called. She finishes and will soon share with Nick, her right-hand man. Nobody knows what it is, it doesn't seem confidential, but they're not sharing it with the room.
- How did you end up being called to see the girl's toys? -Hailey takes Jay out of his thoughts.
- I think she was happy telling me about the millions she has on her way back home the day of the hospital. - He says and looks at Erin and Nick.
Hailey smiles at him. It was the first time he'd faced her and she'd actually seen him answering something to her. It was the only thing he thought he knew the answer to at the moment.
Time passes and they continue working, until Charlotte leaves the office with her mother a little while ago. She quickly runs to Tess, the woman Hailey was with.
- I brought you a cookie Aunt Tessa.
- You know I love it. - She says taking one from her hand.
- Do you like cookies Hailey? - The girl asks the other woman.
- I love cookies. - Hailey says and kindly accepts the cookie the girl offers her. She doesn't say anything else and runs back to her mother.
- I'm out of cookies. - She tells her mother that she had the package and delivers two more. She runs to Nick.
- Uncle Nick. - She hands him the cookie.
- Oh, how did you know? I was starving! - He says and thanks her taking the cookie. - Want to have lunch with me? - He asks. - I have coffee in here and your mother doesn't need to know.
- I'm listening. - Erin calls and Charlotte puts her hand to her mouth laughing.
- I can not. - She says and goes to where Jay was.
- Do you like cookies? - She asks Jay.
- Yes, but you can have this one. - He says seeing that there was only one.
- I already ate. Got it for you. - She says and holds out her hand for him to take it.
- Thank you so much princess. - He touches her nose and that shy little smile appears.
- Wait... - She says and runs away.
There's no one but Hailey and Erin watching the interaction, everyone is focused on looking for clues. Erin watches her daughter run in (at three-year-old speed), grab her little sheep, and run back to Jay.
- This is Mrs. beee. - She introduces. Lindsay watches.
Mrs. Beee was Charlie's oldest plush, the first one she got from her mother. The girl was about 1 year old, not yet in custody, but she always had that little sheep passing her nose while she sucked on the pacifier. She was special and Lindsay knew her daughter used her when she missed her mother, she got emotional for two reasons, it had been Charlotte's choice two days ago and she was introducing Jay, that one was sacred to Charlotte and she was introducing it to Jay. Lindsay avoided showing feelings about it, it was too painful to see their relationship.
- Hi Mrs. Beee, nice to meet you. - Jay talks and smiles at a plush sheep. There was no judgment on anyone's part, that's what how it was when it came to children. No one could escape their fantastic world.
Lindsay interrupted her daughter because Jay needed to work.
Mackenzie managed to study for the rest of the day, and after two full days, Lindsay decided no overtime. They needed to rest.
Nobody said goodbye to Charlotte, because while Lindsay was working in her office the rest of the day, the girl asked for a lap and fell asleep.
Jay watched Erin leave, a girl asleep in her arms, wearing a unicorn-colored backpack and a golden horn on her back. She was adorable. She had a few things in her hand, but they were small things like her cell phone, her keys and Jay noticed the sheep being hugged by the girl.
Mackenzie soon offered to carry her boss's purse and briefcase. She was a babysitter and technically it wasn't her job to do that, not least because Lindsay released her the day, but Mac decided to help her to the car.
Hailey looks at Jay and her gaze moves to where he's looking, she goes back to focusing on her stuff and when they're done, finally, after four days, Jay finally goes back to the hotel with her. She finally managed to convince him to sleep together in the same bed, this was the first time he'd accepted since she arrived. They didn't say or do anything, Hailey laid down and slept. Jay had a lot on his mind still, but the exhaustion of the days got to him too and he fell asleep.
The night was quiet even at Lindsay's. Charlotte was totally out of diapers now. The pediatrician had told her that due to everything the girl went through, these accidents were normal and also sometimes it was to draw attention, since the girl had a greater distance from her mother after spending so much time together due to quarantine. Following all the steps indicated, the almost four-year-old girl dropped diapers again and that was a breakthrough.
Today was another day when Charlotte went to visit Mom's work. Okay, judge her, but that's what she had and her office was a good place if she didn't have a lot to do. That's because Mac had exams and after lunch the young woman would pick up the girl.
Lindsay dressed her daughter in light gray leggings, dark gray ankle boots that had fur, a light beige long-sleeved dress and a dark gray coat over it. She had a crochet hat with a pompom on top and two braids that went down the sides, gray also matching her leggings.
- Ready? - She asks and the girl soon runs to get Mrs. Beee and then to take Mom's hand. No diapers, no pacifier and no lap, the morning started well.
When she arrived at headquarters, the three-year-old girl was already sighing from the desk downstairs.
- You, without a doubt, are the most stylish child I've ever seen in my life. - The 48-year-old woman, general supervisor who was leading the entrance to the headquarters says as soon as she enters.
- Thank you Ms. Wilkhacker. - The girl smiles and says goodbye with the hand that holds the sheep, the other is with her mother.
When they reach the eleventh floor it's no different, she steals hearts. Lindsay loves spending her money on things for her daughter, maybe it's something about her never having anything in her own childhood and wanting her daughter to have everything, including style.
- My God, if it's not in my most beautiful child model of all. - Tess says when she sees her.
Jay's attention, who has just arrived and is walking with Hailey right behind Erin, is on the girl. He swears he won't get tired of seeing her.
After being pampered by her aunt and uncle, she is hidden in her mother's office.
- Stay here, I'll be right back. -Erin says leaving her daughter lying on the couch on her stomach while she colored.
Erin asks if they have any leads and finds that Upton and Tess left together to follow what seemed to be important. Jay didn't go, as he and Nick were with Marvin when they left. Now Halstead and Tucker were back, each at his desk. They update her and she is soon called by Marshall, he is from the twelfth who is also the top floor.
- Nick, Marshall called me and...
- Leave it to me, I'm leaving. - He knows what she was going to ask for and then nods, she warns her daughter and then goes upstairs.
The door was open, Nick was just finishing reading a report and he was already paying attention to the girl. He was sideways towards the office door and didn't see the three-year-old girl, her teddy bear, pencil and paper walk out the door.
- Hi... - She smiles at Jay. She looked at her Uncle Nick focused on something and Jay and when he stared at her, she decided he was the one she would go for.
There's something about kids, you can't turn your back for a second, even if they're the most behaved of all, because they get restless and bored.
- Hi... - Jay smiles at her and then looks around. He can't deny that he loves the attention he gets from her, even though he's heartbroken and it hurts every time he thinks she's not his.
- Do you want to draw? - She asks and Jay doesn't know the answer other than yes, for the girl. What he didn't expect was her reaching for him asking for a lap. It was heartbreaking for him, she was only three years old, she was pure and innocent, but she had no idea how much she was breaking his heart. He couldn't resist and picked her up on her lap, sitting her on his leg and pushing the keyboard back so she could put the pencil and paper on the table.
Jay colored with her and before long Nick soon appeared.
- Ah, that's where you are babygirl. - Nick says to her. - Sorry man... - He says approaching the two.
- Okay, she just wanted to color. -Jay says hating the fact that Nick acts like he's her father. Of course, he's not acting like that, but Jay has only been one thing since he met Erin again: irrational.
- Okay little girl, enough, now let's go. - Nick says ready to take her away from Jay and he doesn't know why, in fact it wasn't even thought of, he just left.
- No, leave her here, it's okay. - The truth is he liked it, they didn't say anything, she just wanted to color with Jay and he was fine with that.
- I want to be with Jay. - She says to her uncle.
- He is sure? - Nick asks and Jay feels like an asshole, he's feeling gratuitous anger towards everyone, Nick never seemed to judge him, but at the same time he seemed to be rubbing his familiarity with Erin and Charlotte in his face.
- Yea. - Jay and Charlotte respond and Jay smiles at the girl.
It didn't last long though. Lindsay took her from his arms and there was no reluctance from the girl, in fact, she interrupted her mother's thoughts.
Erin finished talking to her boss and went downstairs, being surprised by Charlotte and Jay laughing, her heart was in her throat, she wanted to cry. She was in shock at the scene and maybe if it hadn't been for Charlie yelling at her, she would have cried at what she saw.
- Hi baby. - Erin says awkwardly, because it was weird to take her daughter off Jay's lap.
- Jay and I were coloring. - She counts.
- Very cool... - She avoids contact with Jay who is waiting for her to stare at him. - But now let's go that Kenziee is coming to get you. - She says and the girl nods. Lindsay doesn't even stay to get her daughter's things, she just picks up Charlotte and walks away, she wouldn't be able to look at or talk to Jay. Not now.
Mackenzie dropped in 10 minutes later to pick up Charlotte. Jay ended up going out with Mike to meet Tess and Hailey for lunch.
The day was busy, as Lindsay had two calls for other cases, the media was all over them about the murders, and her team was crazy looking for anything that would lead them to Hughes' whereabouts.
All in all, they ended up not getting into it too much and Lindsay sent them home again, not before calling Jay and Hailey into her office.
- Did you call us? - Jay asks.
- Yes, Marshall asked me to deliver this to you. - Erin leaves two tickets on the table. - The Ivory Tower wants you in Chicago tomorrow. - She explains and gets up. - Listen... I really appreciate you two and the efforts you've made, but there's really nothing to do but continue our search for this monster. - She says. - And you know that we have no way of knowing when we will find him, so we have to release you. - She says and they both nod, that's what it was, they weren't giving up, but they've already had more than a thousand clues from several people warning about seeing Hughes or something, and they knew there would be more, but that should be with the NY police and if they had leads from another state and city, the jurisdiction of each should act there and notify the FBI. So they didn't have many options.
It wasn't an emotional farewell, in fact there wasn't even a farewell. What? Would they hug each other like they were best friends? As if Hailey and Erin had become best friends in what? Two weeks since they'd met and one more since they'd met days ago after four years? No, definitely not. Which is? Would she and Jay hug like they hadn't lived together, Jay gone after lying, Erin running away from Jay years ago hiding a secret from Jay and still not even saying goodbye? Well, none of the three were on any level, they just smiled awkwardly at each other, thanked each other and left.
In the end, what Erin didn't expect was that minutes later she'd catch Jay and Hailey kissing in front of the building and hour later, Jay knocking on her door.
"Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain. The normal pains we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else... Makes the rest of your world fade away, until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anesthetize , ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it."
- Grey's Anatomy
A/N: To be honest, I didn't like this chapter, I didn't think it added so much, but even if I don't like it, it's necessary haha. We needed Hailey and Charlotte's introduction, and who would deny a cute moment between Jay and Charlotte? Well, the conversation between Jay and Erin starts in the next chapter, finally...
