Good reading!
Chapter 15: At Least It's Justice
"We never know what kind of day we will have. Whenever we think we know the future, even for a second… it changes. Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely. And we are left with the choice of what to do next. We can choose to be afraid of him. Stand still, trembling, not moving. Thinking the worst will happen. Or let's go ahead… into the unknown."
- Grey's Anatomy
Jay walked up the bullpen steps excited to meet Erin and Charlotte, he had a different feeling for today. It was like things were finally falling into place. He soon smiled when he found Erin sitting in the chair that belonged to him concentrating on something that was on the computer screen, her face scrunched up in concentration to read something. He loved that look, it was cute. Erin soon takes her eyes off the screen and looks at him.
- Good morning... - He smiles at her as he approaches her.
- Good morning... - She says seriously, not as happy as he is and that was enough to make him worried.
- Everything is fine? - He asks curious.
- We can talk? - She says when he stops beside her and she turns to face each other.
- Yes... - He says his concern increasing even more.
Erin just gestures for them to head toward the break room. There was no one but them in the bullpen, but the place was safer than staying in the more open area with a greater chance of someone arriving. She closes the door and turns around, seeing that Jay hasn't taken more than three steps into the room and is already glaring at her. Their closeness is great, but that doesn't affect either of them, because Erin is apprehensive about what she has to tell and Jay about what he's about to hear, he doesn't know what it is, but the way his ex partner is acting , it must be something serious.
- Did something happen? Where is Charlotte? - He questions, his mind wondering since they entered the break room and didn't see the little girl.
-Yes, she's fine, she just left with Tess to go to the park so we can talk. - Erin explains and Jay is a little more relieved. He crosses his arms and stares at her, not saying much just waiting for her to say what she has to say. -Jay...-She starts and her voice cracks, it's like she doesn't have the courage to say what she's about to say, but no matter how curious she is, Jay doesn't press her.
The man just stares and watches her, letting his mind wander to every possible reason Erin is like this. He can't imagine what she has to say about them that could make an impact on him.
- I lied... - She says it so low that Jay needs her to repeat it. - I lied...
- Did you lie? Lied about what? - He approaches wanting to listen to her better and understand what she is saying.
- About Charlie and our baby... - The voice is weak and low, but with the proximity he hears, he hears so well and it's like she said it into a megaphone.
- What do you mean by that? - He questions avoiding thinking too much about what she meant and wanting her to explain.
- On the night I suffered the miscarriage, I managed to keep the baby... Well... A baby, they were twins Jay... - She says and Jay walks back leaning on the table, maybe if he didn't have that object in the middle of the room he had fallen to the floor.
He can't believe what he heard.
-Charlotte... yeah...- his throat is dry, it's like he doesn't know how to speak anymore or doesn't know how to find the words. Everything was jumbled up in his mind. - Charlie is...
- She is your daughter Jay...- The shock came, despair overtook Jay, while guilt consumed Erin for having hidden this secret for so long.
- She is mine? Is she... is Charlotte ours? - He manages to ask.
- She is ours. - Erin says with her head down in shame for lying to Jay for so long. And they are silent, Jay trying to absorb the whole situation now. - Jay, I'm sorry I lied and kept this from you... I...
- Erin, it's okay. - Jay decides to speak as soon as his shock passes and he manages to smile. - We have a daughter, she's mine. - The imagination that that little girl is really his took him by surprise, but he was happy that she was his.
- Jay, no you can't...
- Erin, that's beside the point. - Jay lifts Erin's chin so she can face him. -She's mine...-His eyes glisten with tears. - She is ours. - He says looking at her with a smile and Erin manages to smile back.
- She is ours. - She looks at him starting to be more relieved by his reaction.
- Where is she? I want to see her. - He says and Erin speaks the location of the park right in front of the district and soon the two parents are leaving to find their little girl.
Before they manage to reach the park, they notice the movement in the place, many onlookers and police, both start to run in concern until they find Tess.
- Tess, where's Charlie? - Erin asks apprehensively when she sees tears in her friend's eyes.
- Hughes was here... - She says in tears. - He... he - Neither Erin nor Jay wait for her to finish talking and they run to where the largest number of police is concentrated and Jay runs ahead stopping only when he sees the body of a child thrown on the ground, it was Charlotte...
Jay could barely breathe when he woke up, he was sweaty and panting, at first it was a good dream, but it turned into a nightmare. He needed a few minutes to recover from that scare, as much as it was a nightmare, he had a child killer on the loose and that worried him.
It was still very early, but it had him wide awake and he knew he would have to use this time to put an end to Garry. He couldn't take this anymore, but if it meant the girl was safely in NY with her mother, he would be happy. Jay soon took a shower and decided to go to work.
He was surprised when he walked into the break room and found the girls there. Charlotte was sitting on the couch under a blanket with her mother's cell phone in hand. While Erin was fiddling with something in the sink. As soon as she sees movement, Charlotte notices Jay and smiles, getting up and running towards him.
- Jaaay! - She says excited and smiling while she is in his arms. Jay feels a little more confident and instead of just hugging and pulling away from the girl, he picks her up in his arms and stands up. He'd known he'd needed this since he'd woken up from that nightmare and seeing her there was like an opportunity to know she was okay.
- Hi Princess. - He says smiling and without even thinking about his actions he kisses her temple and when her eyes meet Erin's he realizes what he just did. It was totally thoughtless and just as he is about to apologize Erin decides to make his heart hurt even more.
- Good morning... - She smiles with that smile she used to give him whenever they woke up together in the morning and Jay even feels butterflies in his stomach, but avoids letting his mind wander on things he believes are impossible to become real .
- Good Morning! - He smiles at her. - You arrived too early. - He says strangely, it wasn't even 8 o'clock yet and he didn't see either Tereza or Nick and for him to see Erin with her daughter would be the last thing he imagined finding earlier, even if he felt that was all he needed later having had a nightmare.
- I woke up early... - She says and looks at the glass in her hands, Jay may not have had contact with her for four years, but he knows that look, she probably had a lot on her mind or had a nightmare just like him, but before he says anything she continues. - Because someone woke up earlier... - She says looking at her daughter who was watching their interaction and apparently very comfortable in Jay's lap. She laughs and puts her hand over her mouth and Jay thinks it's adorable, but it doesn't go unnoticed by him that it wasn't Charlotte who kept Erin awake, but he decides not to get into it.
- Well, someone was excited to come to Mom's work. -Jay tickles her and walks to the couch realizing he has her in his arms for a long time. - Well, I'm going to have coffee and you stay here and go back to playing on your cell phone. - Jay sits her down, but she calls him.
- I'm not playing... - She says and shows him the cell phone. - Mom let me watch Auntie Tessa's video. - She says with her cute voice and difficulty saying all the words and shows it to him, but Jay looks at Erin asking for permission, she wouldn't deny it, since it wasn't a big deal. It was just the video that Tereza took on the beach and the girl was asking to see it again and again.
Jay knew the little girl was from California and he knew they were on vacation but he didn't imagine they were at the beach but now it was explained because they were all a little more tan he noticed that but didn't connect the dots as there was so much to think. He tried to focus on Charlotte and not his ex-girlfriend in the bikini in the back. It was hard not to focus on looking at her body that looked even more defined since the last time he could remember.
Jay diverted his attention to watch the video and for him it was different, because they were on a family vacation and it dawned on him that he didn't have something like that, that he didn't have anyone to share moments like that with and then his mind went to the pregnancy from Erin, would it have been different if they had a baby? Was it Jay making a family video on vacation?
- I wove seashells... - Charlotte got Jay out of her mind as she told him about her vacation.
- That's really cool, princess. - Jay says and after giving a little more attention he walks to Erin, she didn't get too involved with the two, she let them interact and even though she already had her coffee in her hands she didn't leave the counter, she seemed to be keeping the biggest distance level.
Jay walked over and they both exchanged an awkward smile. It was strange, this relationship the two found themselves in, while they had easy moments between them, they also seemed like complete awkward strangers. Especially when they didn't have work or little Charlotte to ease the tension.
- You did that? - Jay asks an obvious question while picking up a blue cup with the CPD slogan to drink her coffee, he just didn't know what to say to her, but he needed to break the silence between them.
- Yes, you should try to make more effort in the cafe... - She says and for the first time she walks away, this time going to the table and that's when Jay realizes that she is moving away from him. He doesn't think much about it and turns around leaning against the counter to talk to her.
- Hey, after you I'm the best at making coffee, the rest suck. - He says taking a sip and Erin agrees smiling.
- You... - Erin starts, but they are soon interrupted.
- Hey... we have a second missing child, we have to go... - Voight appears at the door and is surprised by Jay's presence, but he doesn't say anything because the case was more important to them.
Without thinking too much, Erin quickly says goodbye to her daughter who will be in Trudy's care, while an officer stays at the front desk.
The three soon run to the place where the kidnapping took place and on the way the other officers, detectives and agents are warned.
- What we have? - Ruzek asks as soon as he and Burgess arrive at the park. They were just informed by message that there was another kidnapping and they received the address.
Both were together, because Kim wanted to talk to him about Makayla, but as they didn't have much time he ended up catching a ride, so they could talk, which didn't work out very well, because on the way to Makayla's school they were warned about the case and all the rest of the way was that this time the hijacker could not get away.
- He made a mistake this time... we got the plaque. - Voight tells everyone and everything starts running in the district, all cases are directed to other districts or filed for later and as they imagined the car was spotted near the abandoned houses they were talking about the day before.
It wouldn't be easy, but since they were now sure of the killer's location, they could make a plan and be as silent as possible so that this monster was arrested once and for all.
Half an hour later 4 patrol cars, SWAT, FBI and Intelligence were surrounding the area. SWAT members wanted a helicopter in case the man escaped, but Voight asked them not to do that, as any noise could affect how Hughes would act.
The lookout police reported the location where they saw the car passing and stopping a few meters before. So they decided to walk upstairs, that way they would be quieter and not draw Hughes' attention.
Counting everyone, there were almost 30 people, among them patrolmen, officers, detectives, agents, sergeants and lieutenants. The place was surrounded and the forest had some safe spots too. They could still lose Garry if he decided to flee through the forest, as it was a vast area, but they were confident this time.
Intelligence walked up the street with the three FBI agents. All with their weapons in hand, vests protecting them and this time ASAC Lindsay insisted that not only her agents Nick and Tess wear the helmets, but also the intelligence members.
Garry Hughes served in the army and they didn't know what kind of weaponry a man might have at home. If he heard or suspected that someone was approaching, it was possible that he would have a perfect spot to target the police, or take one of the children hostage so the highest level of protection for everyone was important.
ASAC Lindsay was using a Heckler & Koch MP5, while Agents Tucker and Pierce were using a SIG Sauer P226. Officers Burgess and Ruzek had a 19 glock, the same one Detective Upton wore. Officer Atwater had a light machine gun and Detective Halstead had a rifle. Sergeant Hank Voight did not give up his SIG-Sauer P226R, 9mm.
They needed to spread out so they would attract far less attention and have more secure points. Divide and conquer.
Voight decided to go ahead along with Lindsay and Atwater, Halstead was on the right towards the back with Upton and Ruzek, Pierce ended up following when they noticed the side window, leaving Tucker and Burgess to cover the other side. The other cops were spread out at the entrance to the neighborhood and some were way back in the woods.
With his fingers Voight signaled for his officers to continue on their way even more in silence, but something none of them could say where it came from made a noise, it wasn't that loud, but no doubt Hughes could have heard it. And seconds later they knew that yes, the killer had heard.
Within seconds after the sound was heard by everyone, they heard the first shot, this one coming from inside the house. It didn't hit anyone, but knowing Garry's history he was either in some blind spot or he fired to scare, but he should have known the police weren't going away.
- Be careful. - Halstead whispers to the three partners who were with them as they walk slowly.
The second shot is heard and they can see that it is heading towards Voight, Lindsay and Atwater and they quickly run behind the kidnapper's car for cover.
- He's shooting in our direction, maybe they haven't seen or heard you, keep going and try to find an entrance or where he's shooting from. - Voight says over the radio while Atwater and Lindsay are on each side seeking a view of the man.
Halstead leads the way and makes the minimum of silence as he walks around the corner of the house, as there are several abandoned houses, the weeds are uncut which means he can make a lot of noise if he is not careful.
Using his tactics from when he was in the army, the detective walks slowly and his partners follow him. He reaches the side window which is covered by wood, but with a small gap he manages to spot the shooter.
- I see him... - Halstead starts and Voight quickly interrupts.
- You can...
- I have no vision and no aim. -Halstead interrupts and Voight is silent, waiting for his detective to say what he has in mind. - He's not in any window. - It warns, because in the frontal view it is possible to see 4 windows. - It's between the second window to your left, probably a hole in the wall, I can't see it. - He says it low enough to be transmitted over the radio, but not to draw the killer's attention.
Lindsay gets up and manages to see where Halstead was speaking. It wasn't a very visible hole, it looks like it was prepared exactly for the shooter's use. It had a small opening, just enough for the gun to fit in and go right or left. And now looking better above that hole there was another one, probably where he could get some kind of vision.
Detective Halstead observes the whole situation and then looks at Upton.
- Protect funds. - He says and quickly Upton and Ruzek walk slowly avoiding the slightest noise, he soon looks again at the killer before continuing with his plan. - Who is further to the right? -The detective asks watching the movements inside the house while he passes his plan through his head.
- Lindsay...
- I...
Lindsay and Voight say together.
- Lindsay, I need you to shoot at waist height, but not well below the opening, we need to scare him. I'm not sure if we try to hit him through the wall we'll make it. - Every word is said as low and as audible as possible, so that the man does not hear them, but so that the police can be inside every step, so they will be prepared for any situation that happens.
- What are you planning? - She questions him while the rest let them discuss the situation.
- He'll turn away and...
- And you will get access of your location. - She whispers and he nods, not even thinking that the only person watching him is Agent Pierce. - If he turns around...
- I can hit him, you can...
- Yeah, you can leave it to me. I just need you...
- I know, leave it to me. - They didn't finish any sentence, it was like they were in each other's heads. No one else present understood exactly what had just happened. They literally completed each other's sentences as if they knew what the other was thinking.
Upton and Ruzek stared at each other, each with a different thought. Burgess just gave a slight smile, she knew these two, she was a keen observer of their relationship when they were partners years ago. Atwater noticed, actually apart from Erin and Jay, everyone noticed, but Kevin had no one to share the moment with and so he just shook his head slightly and bit his lip, returning to concentrate. Pierce just stares at Halstead, who doesn't realize what he's just done and Voight has no reaction, he knew both of them very well. He knew how good professionals they both were and he knew from day one that these two would make good partners and that's why he took the risk.
Voight always knew that putting two detectives in their late 20s and singles together as partners would be a problem, but for the notable reason of how professional they were together, he took the risk. Now, there was nothing for Voight to worry about, they were both being strictly professional and after they caught Hughes, Erin would be back in New York and life would go back to normal for everyone.
The two ex-partners didn't realize what they just did, besides the adrenaline, having similar thoughts about cases was very common for them and even though they hadn't been working together for years, it felt right, a natural thing, it was their thing, an instinct from their bodies, that didn't make them think that this happened.
Quickly both prepare themselves and in seconds ASAC Lindsay fires on the right side and as predicted, Hughes is scared and moves to the left in his attempt to protect himself from a bullet that did not go through the wall. Before he manages to return to his position, Halstead is faster and after the first shot fired by Lindsay, in seconds it is possible to hear the second one fired by Halstead.
When he notices that the criminal is down it's like everything is a blur. While everything seems to be happening in slow motion, it felt like every moment happened in seconds.
Once Halstead calls out that the killer is down, Upton, Ruzek, Tucker and Burgess run to the back entrance. Pierce and Halstead go up front right behind Atwater, Lindsay and Voight.
Covering Lindsay, Atwater clears the entrance and Lindsay drops to the ground to take the suspect's gun. She checks his wound and meanwhile, Upton and Ruzek are soon joined by Burgess and Tucker in their search for the children.
It was a commotion when they were told that the murderer had surrendered, the cars began to approach, the area was already being closed by the police. It wasn't long before the ambulance was called.
Erin notifies everyone present of the man's injury, long enough for Atwater to call for yet another ambulance. They haven't found the children yet, but they figure they'll need at least two for this situation.
Lindsay warns that the bullet Halstead fired went through him. It went well above the waist and is bleeding profusely. It wasn't what Lindsay would have wanted to be doing, instead of stopping the angel killer's bleeding, she'd rather watch as he lost his life, she wouldn't feel any remorse for it.
None of them could do that though, he was no longer a threat and they didn't have any other suspects and they had enough cops to look for the kids so they didn't have the excuse that they didn't have time to evaluate him, Voight knew they would. they would be surrounded by several policemen and he couldn't go against the books now, much as he wanted to.
The four police officers who were looking for the children soon found them under the basement. They almost gave up, but found a space in the basement that gave access to a banker.
Burgess entered the room and slowly looked around at the others when he caught sight of one of the lifeless children. She approached and watched her heartbeat and just by her reaction, lowering her head sadly with a sinking heart, it was possible for the other three to know that the child was already gone.
The other child ran into Kim's arms crying and her look was terrified. Everyone present understood. For adults to see bodies of adults was already traumatizing, put the body of an innocent child and the situation gets worse and it's a thousand times worse when a child with a normal and quiet life is suddenly trapped in an unknown place with a serial killer and has the body of a dead child right next to her.
The situation looked like a movie. Helicopter, numerous patrol cars and ambulance. Several police officers from different divisions, districts and hierarchy. It was a situation that caught the attention of the entire country and would not surprise other countries. The police managed to surround the area before the media arrived. In these situations, the media always ended up discovering the situation, which was no use looking for someone to blame for spreading the news, but being prepared to prevent the media from invading the place to release images or information that the population should not know and that could harm the investigation.
Lindsay got to her feet as the paramedics arrived and everyone was about to head down to the basement, when they spotted a child in a rag coming out onto Tucker's lap and when Halstead asked where the other one was, no words were exchanged, just looking at the faces of the four. to let them know there was nothing to be done.
A few hours later, after the entire area began to be searched, the police authorized the parents to enter the place. The expertise had already marked and collected the necessary and the child's body was released.
The scene that followed was horrible. As two paramedics rolled the gurney out of the house, the deceased child's parents arrived. The child was not in sight, as it was covered by aluminum protection. The child's mother saw that the killer was being rescued in an ambulance and there was a child in another, which meant that the dead person under that aluminum could only be her son.
Everyone watched the situation unfold. These situations generated various reactions, sometimes a family member screams asking where the child is, screams asking what is going on, but everyone observed when that mother's eyes hit the stretcher and even out of sight, the woman knew that it was her son .
She threw herself to the ground as she screamed no, this couldn't be real, as she cried and said this couldn't be happening. The child's father did not even stay to welcome his fallen wife, he ran to the stretcher, he was in disbelief until he pulled out what protected his dead young son and then all present watched as the mother looked up and saw her son dead. Everyone saw the moment she tries to get up, but her body becomes weak and she faints at first.
At that moment everyone rushed to help her.
Being a policeman for each person present had a different meaning, for each policeman, agent, detective, lieutenant, captain, sergeant, it doesn't matter, it had a meaning. Each one of them experienced a certain level of cases, for some it wasn't the first time seeing that, for others it was, for some it would be the first of many and for others it would be the last, because when a paramedic started doing cardiac massage that mother down they realized it wasn't just a faint, she was dead on the floor, that was too much for some officers.
Everyone present watched as the paramedic stopped the CPR, they watched as the husband had already approached and started CPR on his wife himself. Every moment, it felt like slow motion. The husband on top of his wife giving CPR, begging her not to leave him, begging her to stay with him.
A father and husband on the floor giving CPR to his dead wife seconds after seeing their dead son. The paramedics gave up, they knew they had nothing else to do, they stopped, but the husband in tears, sweaty was on top of his wife and he was begging, he begged, begged that this wasn't happening. He had two more children to take care of, his wife needed to live, he couldn't lose his wife and his youngest on the same day.
It looked like a scene from a horror movie. It was actually worse. It was way worse than any horror movie. The killer was being rescued in an ambulance while families were being torn apart.
A paramedic pulled the husband away when one of the woman's ribs was broken due to pressure and as the floor was made of stones and earth it was easier to break the woman's rib, but there was not much to do, she left. Seeing her son dead was too much for her and her heart couldn't take it.
Don't call her selfish for leaving her other children, she loved them as much as she loved her youngest, but seeing her son's body was too much for her heart to take and she didn't even have a chance to fight it as she collapsed to the floor.
Most of the people who witnessed the scene were in tears. It didn't matter if you were 1 day or 40 years in the police force, that scene was horrible for anyone present. That moment was devastating.
Having or not having a child, that hurt, that moment affected everyone present. Jay looked to the side and noticed Erin crying, he knew how much that affected her, as well as many, in fact everyone, but he knew that she was thinking about Nadia, about her baby that she miscarried, and about Charlotte. Ruzek looked at Kim, he knew she was thinking about her sister, her niece, her miscarriage and Makayla.
They could say it was the worst scene they could have witnessed. That moment affected everyone so much and Adam couldn't leave Kim there so even though they were in front of everyone he walked over to Burgess and pulled her into her arms.
They were silent. At moments like this, not only was everything so fast, it was so slow. It seemed as if time had stopped. It's like there's no noise in the world.
Without thinking about his actions or what he was doing, Jay's arms were around Erin. They felt each other's pain, the pain for Nadia, the pain for Ben and for the first time they suffered together the pain of the baby they lost. They didn't exchange words, but just as they managed to work together without exchanging many words, they both thought about their lost baby and how they would never want to be in such a devastating feeling.
The return to the police station was gradual. Everything was settling down, but what reigned most in several cars was silence. It was as if the street, the air, the other cars and everything else were muted. There was nothing to do, nothing to say.
Garry Hughes was taken to the hospital and for many, they wanted the man dead, they wanted that shot to have taken his life, but that wouldn't do it, it wouldn't bring back the dead children, killing Hughes would be the easiest fate for him , would not bring justice to all the families he destroyed.
Lindsay was in the car with Voight, they were silent, she didn't say a word and the man knew it was useless to try.
From the moment they embraced, nobody said anything, nobody knew their suffering, they were suffering in silence, and nobody would dare to interrupt.
Halstead's car was the first to pull into the district garage and it was when he got out of the car that he saw Lindsay get out of Hank's Escalade almost in motion, she said nothing and neither did anyone, she just ran and everyone knew exactly what to do. where was she going.
Without thinking they all went upstairs, but Jay looked like he needed the same and so he arrived just in time to see when Erin pulled Charlotte from the floor where the three year old girl was drawing and pulled her into her arms. She just held her there and hugged her as if her life depended on it.
Upton took in the scene and placed his hand on Halstead's shoulder as they all entered.
Trudy, who was with the girl almost the whole day, watched the scene and knew that it was difficult for everyone and at the moment the only one who was allowed to hug her son was Lindsay.
It didn't take much, Voight didn't ask them to do paperwork, didn't ask them to turn off their computers. He just released them. That day was exhausting and as much as they managed to arrest the culprit for everything, it didn't change everything he did, he just stopped. Which was good, of course, but it didn't stop everyone from being affected by the lives taken, it wasn't just the dead children, it was the families destroyed, it was seeing a mother's heart not bear the death of a child.
The rest of the day, or rather night, was spent with everyone they could in the arms of the ones they loved the most.
Adam took Kim home and the two hugged Makayla and Kim asked him to stay and he thanked her because he couldn't see himself anywhere but with the two of them.
Kevin came home and pulled his two brothers close. He didn't want to talk to them about work, so he just asked them to talk about their day, in an attempt to forget about today.
Tess and Nick spent time with Charlotte and Erin, but soon left them alone.
Jay went home to drink, he hated today like hell, his mind was so lost he almost missed his doorbell ringing. Taking a last sip of his beer he set it on the counter as he walked to the door and opened it to find Hailey with red eyes on the other side. They looked at each other in silence for a while, neither of them having anything to say about the day, about the moment right now.
Hank wanted Erin to go to his house, but he knew that wasn't going to happen so he didn't even try to do it.
Lindsay showered with Charlotte, she couldn't see herself leaving her daughter so soon now.
They dried off and got ready for bed. Erin fed her daughter, but herself ended up not eating anything, she knew she should, her last meal being her breakfast, but she knew nothing would come down, not even alcohol. So she just waited for her daughter to finish and they went to bed.
It even seemed like the little girl knew what was going on, she didn't say anything, she wasn't talkative or wanting to play, she just accepted her mother's kisses and hugs willingly and stayed by her side. That's what they say, children can sense when something is wrong and it looked like that little three-year-old girl was trying to comfort her mother and tell her that she was fine.
After Charlotte slept Erin got a call, she didn't want to answer it, but when she saw who was calling she knew she had to. Normally, she'd say something when she answered, but this time she kept quiet and waited for the other person of mine to start.
- Hey kid... - Hank knew, he knew her and that's why he already started talking. - I'm just calling to check if everything's okay out there. -He says not wanting to ask if she was okay, because he already knew the answer.
- Yes, Charlotte just fell asleep. I think her day was also exhausting. - She whispers not wanting to wake the girl.
- I'm glad she's sleeping at least. - He says and Erin just nods, even though Hank can't see. - I just wanted to ask you to stop by before leaving. - He goes straight to the point knowing that today was not the day for stalling.
- It's all right. We haven't had the brains to look at return tickets yet. - Erin says. - In addition, we also have paperwork and we need to notify Ivory Tower, since the case was in my hands and we were under their jurisdiction. - She says and Hank nods with a serious "Uhum" as always.
- Are you planning on staying longer? - He questions. And the line is silent for a while.
- No... - She replies being the most sincere. - I love Chicago, but it's always... - She throws up her hands, not knowing what gesture to make.
- Too much. - He says.
- Something like. - She says and again the silence returns. - I just want to try to get back to normal, go back home, Charlotte has a more stable routine.
- Hey... I understand. - Voight says and she thanks him. After a little more silence they say goodbye and hang up.
- Sorry to come here, I didn't know where to go... - Hailey says when they stay too long in silence.
- No need to apologize. - Jay says and opens the door for her to enter. When she walks through the door she kisses him. - Hailey... - He pushes her away.
- Jay, I need this... - She whispers imploringly.
- No, Hailey. - He says low as if he felt guilty for seeing the hurt in her eyes. - We're done and...
- I know, I just.. - She pulls away, but brings her hands to Jay's face. - I think taking that weight and stress off the courts would be good. - She says and Jay stares at her.
- I think you should go. Rest, take a shower and...
- I'm sorry... - She says and after a short silence she continues. - I do not want to be alone. - She says and before Jay can answer she is talking again. - I promise I won't do anything, but I just want a drink, okay? Can we be friends? - She questions and he gives a half smile and nods.
The two head to the kitchen while Jay pours them a drink.
The weather isn't the best, they didn't have much to talk about. Hailey didn't solve everything with sex, but as she didn't know what to talk about with Jay she figured that at this point a physical approach would be the best choice, but she saw that it wasn't and she was fine just drinking with Jay.
She didn't want to push him and being honest with herself, she was grateful that he didn't use her and that he was honest with her.
They didn't talk much and when he said he was tired and needed a shower she thought about asking him to stay but she knew if he said yes it would just be him being the usual Jay, the gentle Jay that never want to hurt people. So she just said she was on her way and assured her Uber would take her home. She was in no condition to drive.
Jay took a shower as he said he would, he took longer than usual and soon after lay down on the bed. He was completely exhausted, but he knew the chances of him getting to sleep were zero.
His mind was on Erin and Charlotte. His mind was on his nightmare from earlier today, it was on the dead child, on the dead mother, on the shot he had shot Garry, it was on pulling Erin into his arms and grieving for a few minutes the loss of their baby, it was on seeing Erin ran to pull her little girl into her arms. Jay looked to his side, Mrs. Baaa on your pillow.
It was a mixture of sensations, everything he had been feeling since his reunion with Erin months ago. Everything seemed so… out of place. He looked at the plush in his hands and thought for a while.
At this point, the tiredness, the heavy day today and the alcohol got the better of him and against every part of his mind that told him not to, that it wasn't the best idea, he grabbed his cell phone and called her. .
To be honest he didn't know if she would answer, he remembered the last time he called her, how strange it was, how the conversation barely lasted two seconds. He remembered the times he wanted to call her, that he wanted to ask her to come back, but he gave up every time figuring she wouldn't pick up like she did when she left.
To his surprise, on the second call she answered and contrary to the silence she gave Voight she spoke to Jay.
- Hi... - It was low, it was almost a whisper. She knew it was Jay, she didn't even consider not answering, it was like her body wanted what he wanted. She wanted to hear his voice. She didn't know why, so she just picked it up before reason got the better of her.
- Hi... - He replies. Silence breaks, both listening to each other's breathing for a while until Jay speaks again. - I understand you never said about the abortion... - He says and Erin's heart skips a beat, she didn't expect to hear that. She remains silent, unsure if she has the right words to say something to him. - I didn't want you to have had that miscarriage, I didn't want you to be alone that day... - He lets the tears fall. He was so tired, so exhausted, he just let them slide.
- Jay... - She stutters, not knowing exactly what to say.
- No... I just want you to know that I don't blame you for this. - He says trying to clear his throat, but she knows he's crying and it breaks her. - I know we didn't lose our son to a murderer and I'm very grateful for that... - He says and at that moment Erin caresses her daughter's face, also thanking her for that. - But I think we've already had enough losses... - He speaks and doesn't need to specify, she completely understands his point. - I know it doesn't change anything, but I wanted that baby Erin, maybe that was all I wanted most and...
- Jay, I don't want to...
- I just want you to know that I'm happy to see the woman you continue to become, always surprising me... - He smiles, even if she doesn't see it. - I think you have become an amazing mother to Charlotte and I have no doubt that you would have been an amazing mother to our baby. I'm happy to hear that you and this little princess who is probably in your arms right now are going home safely. -He speaks and Erin is silent, as she is in the midst of tears, unable to say anything.
It's been 4 years of trying not to think about him, trying to move on, but hearing those words from Jay opened up old wounds and opened up old wounds in him too. They were so broken, they were so hurt. Everything was so complicated and their minds and hearts were so confused. They needed time, they were going to need a lot more than a phone conversation.
They don't even say goodbye, Erin couldn't speak, she needed to pull herself together. She just hung up as it was too much for her. And then with her cry Charlotte woke up.
And for everyone who worked on the Hughes case and his arrest, the night wasn't easy, it wasn't just laying your head on the pillow and going to sleep. Their minds were consumed and they were just waiting for time to make things better. All your problems, your minds and hearts. Each one, in their beds, at dawn, minds full of today, and in the end, next to whom they can or just alone with their thoughts, they turn off their bedside lights and try to get some sleep.
"The only way to get rid of the shadows is to turn off the lights. Stop running in the dark and face your fears head on."
- Grey's Anatomy
