There are a few days left to complete 3 months that I don't update you. I'm sorry for so much delay, if you want to know the reasons, stay tuned for the final note. Before I let you read this chapter which is huge! I want to say that I wasn't happy with the previous chapter and from the few comments, I think you weren't either, but that's okay, we don't always get it right. I decided to rewrite it a bit and updated it to the new version. If you want to see how it turned out or just remember where we left off, feel free.

Without further ado, grab a headphone, put The 1 - by Taylor Swift on loop and enjoy this chapter full of things happening at the same time. Hahaha

Good reading :)

Chapter 16 - A Beautiful Friendship

"At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't not say. Some things we don't want to hear, and other things we talk about because we can't keep silent anymore. Some things are more than you say, they are what you say. Some things you say because you have no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And, not very often, but every now and then, some things just speak for themselves."

- Grey's Anatomy

Another morning arrives and as bad as the previous day was, Erin smiles as she watches her little girl currently sitting on the counter in her hotel room while eating her cereal and watching Toy Story. Erin feels light that Garry Hughes will never harm another child again.

Normally, Charlotte doesn't have technology in the morning and would definitely not have Froot Loops for breakfast on a weekday, but other than the fact that Erin is just enjoying having her daughter with her, knowing that it could all end in one blink of an eye, Erin is having a busy morning too. They still had business to settle in Chicago about the case, but that wouldn't take much longer, it was just paperwork and bureaucracy that wouldn't take the FBI agents much longer than a few hours.

She's looking for plane tickets to get back home, and she also has to answer a bunch of emails from NY and Chicago.

Erin liked to enjoy the time with her daughter in the morning, however, she had a lot of unfinished business that needed to be resolved as soon as possible and so, in order for her daughter not to feel left out in the morning, Erin let her distract herself with to what is currently his favorite movie, Toy Story 2.

Erin is lost in the moment when her daughter laughs and even though the girl's iPad is facing Charlie, making it impossible for Erin to see the scene, she knows exactly which part the girl is in, not by the lines, but from your daughter's laugh, it's always when the character Woody tries to get the key from the man sleeping on the couch full of snacks spread on the floor and the little horse appears.

Erin is even looking online for the horse and Jessie for her daughter who is in love with the two characters, but she doesn't know whether to buy the plush or doll version of them, as the girl loves a stuffed animal, however, the experience with the dolls would be pretty cool too. Erin smiles that her daughter is still young enough not to understand when the scene from Jessie's story begins, but notices that she is quiet watching the sad scene in the movie and that's when Erin snaps out of her thoughts and looks at the message Voight sent to Is it over there.

SMS ON

Hank Voight:

- Can we have breakfast?

Erin Lindsay:

- I just had breakfast with Charlie, but we can have lunch. What do you think?

Hank Voight:

- Deal, see you in the district.

SMS OFF

- Is your breakfast good? - Erin asks passing by her daughter, stroking her head and arranging her golden strands and kissing her forehead while the girl hypnotized by the screen just nodded in agreement.

I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit

Been saying "yes" instead of "no"

I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though


The morning for Jay was lonely with his thoughts. While Erin woke up with Charlotte, the young detective woke up with a stuffed animal, taking his memory back to the what if.

Not wanting to think about it too much, he got up and went to take a shower, ready to get ready to wrap up a horrible case and move on to work.

During the shower he even avoided thinking about what closing the case meant, because as good as it was to close the case, he knew he would have to say goodbye to Erin and Charlotte.

Jay saw Mrs. Baa and thought about Charlie's words but wanted to keep from getting carried away, however as soon as he walked into the kitchen to make his first of many cups of coffee it was impossible for him to keep his mind from wandering to thoughts he shouldn't have been having when noticed the drawing the girl made for him.

I hit the ground running each night

I hit the Sunday matinée

You know the greatest films of all time were never made

Jay looks at the picture on his fridge, approaches and takes the drawing, he could imagine a life as a family man and...

- Wow, what a beautiful drawing princess. - Jay takes the paper from his daughter's hand. - Mommy will love it. - Jay says when he sees that the three are together in the drawing. - Do you want to help me hang it on the fridge? - He asks, but already knowing his little girl he already pulls her into her arms.

The fridge doesn't even have room for another drawing anymore, full of family photos from trips they've taken to the beach and Wisconsin or just family moments tacked to the fridge door. However, Jay holds the magnet and the drawing that is already nailed and his daughter places her new drawing on top of the drawing.

- What does my princess want for breakfast? - He asks placing her in her high chair.

- PANCAKES! - The girl screams excitedly like every morning, usually he always denies it to her, however, due to the case of the day before Jay decides to give in.

- With lots of chocolate chips? - Jay asks and instead of the girl eagerly nodding a big yes, he sees the shocked three-year-old girl. She already knew he was going to say pancakes only on the weekends, but here was her dad saying yes to her.

- Can I have pancakes today? - She says more shocked than excited.

- Yes, you can have pancakes today, but only today, a special day. - He says and she jumps excitedly.

- I think someone... ouch... - Erin leaves the room and starts to speak, but she interrupts herself when she accidentally kicks her daughter's toy. - Charlotte Lindsay Halstead... - Erin watches her daughter who didn't even need another word to carefully jump off the bench and pick up the toy from the floor, however, when those eyes of hers stare at her mother, it's impossible for the woman to be mad at her. Is it over there. - Good morning, little monster. - Erin says and bends down to kiss her daughter's forehead.

- Good morning mommy - Charlie smiles sweetly at her mother and her kiss and puts the toy away, but instead of going back to the kitchen with her mother and father, she just stays in her play area.

- Good morning, daddy... - Erin approaches Jay from behind as he puts pancakes in the skillet. - pancakes for breakfast? - She questions him.

- You know… - Jay takes a deep breath and Erin doesn't need him to say more. They would skip work today just to have five extra minutes just looking at their little girl. After Garry was arrested the night before, Charlotte was smothered in hugs and kisses from her parents and they were the ones who wanted her in bed with them for the night, Charlotte sure enjoyed a sleepover with her two favorite people in the world.

Erin continues to watch Jay putting the pancakes on, but as soon as he's finished he puts the bowl down and turns to his wife.

- Good morning... - He smiles at her. - You know you can't fight our little monster when she inherited your mess. - He jokes and Erin slaps him in the chest.

- Well, I don't think you're going to get a special good morning today, house husband. - She smiles trying to get away from him, not making much effort, it was just drama. Jay's arms wrap around her waist holding her and before she can say anything he kisses her and she doesn't fight back.

At first it's slow and smooth, but soon they both perk up and their tongues start to duel making them both hotter and it's not because of the stove on. Groaning and panting, Erin places her hands on her husband's chest and reluctantly pulls him away and faces him.

- The pancakes are going to burn... - She smiles biting her lip which is completely red now with the blood having pooled around her mouth and nose.

- I don't care... - He approaches kissing her smile once more.

- But that little monster cares. - And as if on cue, Charlotte runs into the kitchen.

- Mommy, I made a drawing... - She says getting in the middle of her parents and interrupting their moment.

- Did? Where is it? - Erin asks, growing excited with her daughter and the girl points to the fridge, proud of yet another art.

As Erin pulls her into her arms, Jay approaches the fridge, his brow furrowing as he looks into the fridge.

- What? Where is it... - He wonders, his fridge is smaller now, he doesn't have family photos anymore, just a photo with the team, a calendar and...

Charlotte's drawing of him with the stuffed animal. He wasn't in that life, this was his real life, there weren't drawings and family photos blocking the stainless steel material of the refrigerator. No Erin calling her daughter by her full name with Halstead's last name included, no toys lying around the house because their little girl was a mess just like her mother, no special breakfast with Jay kissing his wife Erin. This was his real life and it was nothing like the life he once dreamed of having with Erin Lindsay.

Unknowingly, Jay and Erin thought the same thing for Charlotte, the breakfast special, however Erin offered cereal which was more practical for someone staying in a hotel room.

Jay puts the photo back on the fridge and looks around his house, empty beer bottles and dirty glasses from last night instead of training glasses, cutlery with little animals on the end and colorful plates with animation characters. He puts the dirty things in the dishwasher and grabs his coffee as he walks out the door of his lonely apartment hoping the day will be better.

What he didn't realize is that he had forgotten about Mrs. Baaa at home, he left her on the bench, but he intended to take her to the district, imagining that today would be their last day in Chicago, but with his desire to run away from home and all his thoughts, he just ran away from your own apartment.

I guess you never know, never know

And if you wanted me, you really should've showed

And if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow

And it's alright now


As always since Erin and Charlotte were in Chicago, Jay was arriving almost at the same time as usual, subconsciously it was as if he knew when they would meet. Jay always found them within the district, but today was different.

He accidentally dropped his keys on the floor and bent down to pick them up and just as he locked his car he saw Nick, Tereza, Erin and Charlotte. The girl was hand in hand with her mother holding the plush that Jay bought for her. It was a strange feeling to see her so attached to the toy he gave her and in that moment he remembers that he forgot what she left with him.

Erin was distracted on her cell phone when everyone noticed Jay, she just felt her daughter letting go of her hand and as always the girl ran into Jay's arms. In the middle of the district garage, the girl crossed with her short legs into his arms.

- Hi princess... - Jay smiles and holds her in her arms quickly as she hugs him, but this time he quickly puts her on the ground. They exchange a few words to check on her as they all meet halfway, Charlotte soon taking Jay's hand as they walk.

- Hey bro... - Says Nick.

- Hi... - Tess greets him.

- Good morning... - Erin stares at him and Jay stops in time, his mind going back to his morning thoughts, if it was her saying good morning at their house and... Jay's memories are happily interrupted by Erin's cell phone ringing and he manages to properly remember and greet everyone else.

But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool

And if my wishes came true

It would've been you

In my defense, I have none

For never leaving well enough alone

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one

(Ooh)

- I need to answer. Sweetheart... - Erin begins...

- We went upstairs with her. - Nick interrupts.

- Jay ... - Hailey appears and calls him awkwardly when she notices the whole scene and it doesn't go unnoticed how Charlotte is holding hands with Jay.

Erin's call ends up hanging up and it's an awkward situation before Hailey finally smiles and greets everyone.

- Good morning, Hailey. - Charlotte says sweetly to the blonde when the woman greets her.

- We can talk? - Hailey asks and Jay wanted to prolong this moment with Charlotte, but he didn't want to refuse Hailey's request.

- Charlie, are we going upstairs? -T ess asks, but it was more a statement than a request as she approached the child, took her plush and her hand. She even tried to protest, but with Erin's cell phone ringing again, Jay saying bye and going with Hailey, the girl didn't have much choice but to obey her aunt.

Hand in hand with uncle Nick and aunt Tess as she climbed the district step by step, Charlotte was distracted by her uncles' antics, lifting her by the arms so she wouldn't touch the ground.

As soon as Erin's call ends she sees Jay and Hailey in the back entryway and she doesn't want to interrupt or pry.

I have this dream you're doing cool shit

Having adventures on your own

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home

Erin decides to go through the front entrance and turns around accidentally bumping into Kim.

- Oh my God... Kim, I'm sorry. - Erin says stopping in place and checking her friend.

- It's okay, I was distracted too. - Kim speaks and soon the two stop facing each other. For the first time since Erin came back they finally get a moment alone and without a word, they both smile and hug. A hug of friendship and nostalgia between the girls. - I missed you so much. - Kim speaks as they walk away.

- And I yours. - Erin says with her hands on Kim's arm. - I'm sorry to have...

- Hey, no excuses... - Kim interrupts her, but soon after interrupts herself when a thought comes to her head. - In fact, for you to redeem yourself with me, you have to accept a drink at my house before you leave... - She says and looks at Erin thoughtfully and soon after concludes. - Please don't have a flight out tonight. - She looks at Erin who smiles at her friend, Kim was always talkative, especially when she was looking forward to something.

- I don't have a flight leaving tonight. - Erin smiles. - And I would love some girl time. I'm sure Nick and Tess will love spending time with Charlie… - Erin points toward the door, even though none of the three of them are in sight anymore.

- About that... - Kim interrupts her. - Bring Charlie, she'll have company to play with. - Kim says a little apprehensive. She doesn't know how to tell her friend about Makayla, it's not a secret, it's just hard to know what to say...

- Will your niece be there? Erin furrows her brows in curiosity. - Isn't she too big to want to play with a three-year-old? - Erin smiles already imagining Kim's niece as a teenager.

- It's not Zoe. - Kim smiles and Erin stares at her even more confused and her friend's characteristic shy smile makes Erin surprised.

- Oh my God... Do you have a son? - Erin asks shocked at the thought. - Oh my God... - Erin repeats and then smiles. - That's why you left earlier than the others on other nights... - She remembers. - Wait... - Erin thinks and speaks low in a whisper as if only Kim can hear. - You and Adam? - She questions and Kim smiles at her friend.

- No... She is a girl who is in protective custody and I am taking care of her. - Kim says, but by the look of Erin she caught that there is a "but" in this story.

- Oh, I understand... - Erin says in understanding with the look that Kim passed to her.

- I forgot who I'm talking to. - Kim smiles at her friend.

- What do you mean? - Erin is confused.

- You will never look at me as someone who will judge me for my actions or...

- Kim...

- Or like I'm doing something wrong and I should stop, it's like...

- Kim ... - Erin interrupts her in her process of talking too much when she's nervous. - I will never judge you, I will always support you, even if I have not been a good friend in recent years, I would never judge you and in this regard much less, especially when my daughter is the result of protective custody by the FBI. - Erin says, once again looking at the door where her little girl will just enter.

- Oh my God, is Charlotte also in protective custody? - Kim knew about the adoption, but not everything.

- Yes, she is adopted...

- I knew, I just didn't know it was about protective custody. - Kim specific and Erin looks at her with curiosity. Kim decides it's okay to reveal how she found out. - Jay told me when I asked him about you...

- Did you ask him about me? - Erin is curious.

- Before they arrived, Voight warned and I questioned him why he didn't say he worked with you in NY. Soon he filled me in on you and Charlotte, but then when I got curious about the three year old he told me about the adoption, I was thinking it was his offspring and...

- I know.. - Erin interrupts her.

- Are you always about to give me the best advice? - Burgess looks at Erin expectantly, even though her friend is confused by what she meant by that and as soon as the question is asked, Kim explains. - When I asked you about not dating partners years ago or when you helped me get into intelligence...

- That's nothing. - Erin's heart freezes for a moment as she remembers the feeling she had in her chest when Kim talked about dating partners years ago, but she cuts it off, because she doesn't want credit for it, she may have helped, but it was all Kim.

- Never mind, now I need advice on how not to get attached to a child in protective custody. - Kim says smiling at Erin and it looks like they went back in time.

- Kim... - They both laugh.

- I'm kidding, you always suck at this, unless I want otherwise. - Kim says wrapping her arms around her friend, both walking towards the entrance of the building.

- I can help you with that, but I want to know everything about this little girl who already has your heart. - Erin says equally wrapping her arm around her friend's waist as they enter the district.

- I'll be happy to tell and I'm glad you don't have a ticket for today. - Kim says.

- The two of you out there hiding things from me? - Trudy watches them enter together and interrupt Kim.

- Just update us. - Erin smiles at Trudy and they both go upstairs.

- Where is Charlotte anyway? - Kim asks unlocking the gate.

- Nick and Tess went up with her in front. - Erin says.

Hailey and Jay were already in the bullpen, more specifically Hailey in her chair and Jay standing at his desk which is now in the old spot where Erin's desk used to be years ago.

- I think she abandoned them. - Kim laughs seeing Jay with the girl in her arms while she tells a story to Jay.

Erin watches the scene and can't tell how they look so close and how it hurts her heart every time. It was like her daughter was a magnet that snapped whenever she saw Jay. It was beyond her now. The girl couldn't see Jay and didn't want to be close to him, but who would Erin be to judge her daughter?

It could be weird or normal depends on the point of view. No one knew Erin and Jay's past besides them, Nick, Tess and Hailey. However, each one saw it in a different way.

It was hard for Erin and Jay to have Charlotte this close, because their minds would always be thinking about what their child would be like. They wonder what their child would be like, what their relationship would be like if the child had been born, and where Erin would be. Was that table over there hers?

We never painted by the numbers, baby

But we were making it count

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now

Voight interrupts the thoughts and like everyone else he has his own thoughts. He saw the scene in the parking lot. He saw Charlotte with Jay, he saw Jay and Erin, and he saw Jay with Hailey. No one knew what he thought, but his face looked less friendly than usual and everyone saw how it changed when he called Charlotte.

- Hi Peanut... - Hank calls her by a new nickname and she stares at him trying to see if he was referring to her.

- Hi Hank... - She says when they face each other and she soon smiles when she realizes that the nickname is for her.

- I have a gift for you in my room, want to see it? - He asks and the girl nods enthusiastically, Jay soon puts her on the ground. Yes, it was the gift mention, but mostly, the death glare Hank was giving him.

- Will you help me open? - The girl asks Jay not letting go of his arms even though he's already on the ground.

- I...

- Jay has to work... Come on. - Hank interrupts Jay who would deny it, he doesn't think he would pass through that door alive. It was strange to see Hank be kind and threatening at the same time. He was kind, but everyone felt that he was not happy. If Jay and Erin didn't know better, they would think as well as the others that he was in a bad mood, but they both knew that anger was directed at Jay.

Charlotte wasn't very happy to go alone, she wanted someone to go with her, but even the three year old girl realized that apparently it was only her who could pass and so as she didn't refuse gifts, she decided to run to the living room.

Jay faces Voight and then sits at his desk and turns on his computer to work. Jay is not intimidated by his boss and faces Erin. He knows that look, he's seen that look before and it's when she's mad at Hank for acting like her father and acting like she's 15 again.

Everyone is silent and the girl soon leaves showing everyone her new toy and cutting the tension in the room. It was another stuffed animal for her and before Erin puts it in the break room, she asks her daughter to thank Hank.


Erin got another call while everyone else was wrapping up the Hughes case and she decided to retreat to the interrogation hall.

Jay was leaving the bathroom when he heard a curse and then a thud.

- Damn it! - Erin curses hitting the wall and soon after holds her hand, because her wrist beat badly.

- Hey, are you okay? - He approaches her in the empty hallway.

-Ya...- She stares at him, putting her cell phone in her pocket and looking at her wrist.

- I think not. Let me see... - He approaches her and touches her gently, the electricity is felt by both of them.

- I didn't know that you abandoned your career as a detective and became a nurse. - Erin says and their eyes meet, her tone was not accusing, it was a joke and if he wasn't sure she was joking the dimpled smile that disarmed him was stamped on her kissable smile.

- You know, being a detective is just a hobby, I do it in my spare time. - He jokes back. It's comfortable, it's familiar, it's nostalgic, and it's like the outside world doesn't exist.

- I see... - They are smiling, they are closer than they remember since she arrived, or years ago. Their gazes are locked on each other and only deviate when Jay looks at her lips.

- I don't think you twisted, does it hurt? - Jay comes out of his trance and returns to focus on the pulse.

- No... - She whispers, but it's like it's a lie, but it's not her wrist that hurts.

- Just be careful when backing up. - He says and for their safety and sanity, Jay walks away and looks at the wall and then at her. - What? You didn't like the color they painted? You know, it's been the same color since you worked here. - He cuts the mood and lightens it with a joke, but Erin doesn't understand.

- What? - She questions him.

- What did the wall do to you? - At that moment she understands and both laugh. - Okay, now, what's up? - He asks softly and it's impossible for Erin to refuse to tell her problem with the look he gives her.

- The Ivory Tower set up a meeting with me in a few hours. - She counts and stares at him.

A memory of her last days in Chicago flashes through both their heads, but avoiding thinking about what the day of her meeting meant and that the meeting was the least of her problems, Jay decides to focus only on the meeting and Erin thanks her mentally for that.

I guess you never know, never know

And it's another day waking up alone

- Did they say what they wanted? - Jay questions her.

- No and I think they're just going to remind me that I lost my badge and that they just made an exception. - Erin rolls her eyes.

Jay's mind silently blames himself, he may not have mentioned it months ago, but he can't stop mentally blaming himself for what Erin suffered years ago and alone. He only knew about the threat against her and her intelligence months ago, and yet, he knew it was because he wasn't there for her when she needed him. He doesn't know what to imagine their lives would be like if the intelligence had been undone, and deep down in Jay, his more selfish side didn't care if it meant Erin and their baby would be okay.

- Well... - Jay approaches her once more, this time cautiously and places his hand gently on her shoulder. - You know it's them who are losing. - 'We're all.' He thinks about it, but just lets the first sentence come out of his mouth.

Erin stares at him and just pouts with a discreet smile. Jay's hand that's on her shoulder runs down her neck and her whole body shivers at the feel of his touch, it was like years ago. He stops his hands on her neck and gently strokes her cheek with his thumb. It's like they're home and Erin, with no control over her actions, just closes her eyes enjoying the moment. They could have stayed there forever.

But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool

And if my wishes came true

It would've been you

In my defense, I have none

For never leaving well enough alone

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one

They both knew the moment wouldn't last forever and so before anyone goes looking for them and they find them like this, they decide to go back to the bullpen with everyone.


Jay couldn't stop thinking about the moment he had with Erin earlier. It wasn't a big deal, but he was thinking about how she was stronger than he was and so he blamed himself. He shouldn't have touched her that way, he shouldn't have gotten so close or let himself go. He decided that from now on, he would take matters into his own hands, not getting carried away and putting himself and Erin in a completely uncomfortable situation.

Thoughts of him are interrupted by Hailey.

- You okay? - She questions him and he nods.

- Yeah, I was just doing some mental math. - He lies so easily to her and blames himself, but he didn't want to share that with his ex-girlfriend. They both smile softly at each other and go back to work. It didn't take long for a drive to start in the bullpen again.

The morning was just paperwork, the Hughes case was big and they had a lot to do even if the FBI part was over, the intelligence would probably stick around at least until the end of the day with that.

Kevin, Adam and Kim were returning from lunch and Tess and Nick were starting to get hungry, Jay notices when Voight leaves his room and glares at him, however the man just grunts and walks to Erin.

- Hey kidl, ready for lunch? - He asks and Erin soon nods. - Great, get your things and I'll get the peanut. - Hank says, but before he starts walking to the break room, Erin stops him.

- Actually, I would like it to be just us, I want to talk to you and I have a meeting later, so I'd rather she stay. - Erin says and Voight didn't like it very much, because he would like to spend more time with the girl before they travel back to the other state, however, he didn't have much to do besides nod.

Jay didn't hear the conversation, he wanted some coffee and it wasn't lost on Voight's anger when he walked in, but he really wanted a coffee, he was tired and his mind was scattered, he needed to concentrate, but of course, before he I would like your coffee fix and Charlotte.

- I like green and then I can draw the leaves of the tree. - Erin hears Jay say to his daughter as he enters the break room.

- Mommy, look, Jay made a tree. - Charlotte says as soon as she notices her mother.

- Wow, that's cool. - Erin smiles at Jay and her daughter as she approaches them both. Jay was sitting in the chair next to the girl while they both drew. - Sunshine... - Erin says and Jay walks away not wanting to intrude. - Mommy is going out to lunch with Hank and you're going to stay here, because I have a very important meeting right after, okay? - Erin asks and the girl nods.

- Can I draw with Jay? - She asks her mother.

- I think Jay has to work, but aunt Tess and uncle Nick are already finishing work and now you can go out and enjoy the day, ok? - Erin shakes her daughter's legs smiling at her.

- I want to draw with Jay. - She pouts and that's when Jay butts in.

- I'm also going to have lunch, I can stay here and do some drawings. - Jay says. - If you don't mind, sure. - He looks at Erin seeking her approval.

- Look, you're going to draw with Jay, make a very nice drawing ok? I'll be right back. - Erin pulls her daughter in for a hug and a few kisses before placing her back in her chair.

Erin silently thanks Jay and gets up to leave, he excuses himself to Charlotte and calls out to Erin. This time they are closer to the door and they are protected by the closed door so nobody sees them talking.

- Thanks, she really wanted to draw with you. - Erin tells and Jay smiles, but shakes his head. It was no problem that he was using his free time to draw with the girl, if anything, he should be the one thanking her.

- I just wanted to say that I forgot Ms. Baaa in my house. - He managed to remember. - I don't know when you're going to leave, but I wanted to give it back before you left. I can drop by your hotel later to drop it off if that's okay. - He offers.

-I'm going out with Kim tonight...-She says and notices her face a little disappointed, but before he says anything, she's still a little unsure. - If you give me your address, I can go there later, my flight leaves very early tomorrow. - She explains, but awkwardly not knowing if she should have his address or if he wanted it.

- All right, I'll text you. - He warns.

At that moment both go back to the past again, the times that Erin didn't answer or return his calls, but Jay decides that these are waters of the past and he won't dwell on it. Erin seems to think the same when she nods.

- Okay, I'll come by later then. - She says awkwardly and he watches her leave the break room.

I, I, I persist and resist the temptation to ask you

If one thing had been different

Would everything be different today?

Jay doesn't stay in the doorway for long when the girl summons his presence beside her so they can continue drawing.

Tess sees her friend leaving and from her position she is the only one who could see Jay standing in the doorway. She gives a slight smile, but soon returns to focus on finishing everything.


Hank and Erin found a nostalgic restaurant for her, it was a restaurant from her time on patrol and Voight took her at lunch times.

- Looks like nothing's changed. - Erin smiles when she makes the request she used to make and Voight too. When the waitress leaves the table he speaks.

- Just the prices, I got older and look at you, it's no longer the patrol that took the cheapest combo to save money, but that soon it wasn't for the money but because it was your favorite. - The two laugh. - In addition, today you are an FBI agent with your own team and the mother of a beautiful little girl. - He praises leaving Erin a little awkward and she just smiles in thanks, it really seemed that nothing has changed, but everything has.

His orders come in and they start eating with random conversations and Erin even mentions the Ivory Tower to him who offers to go with her.

- No need, I'm already big, I can handle them. -She smiles at Hank, but with that she has the cue for the subject that she wanted to talk with him alone. - I saw the way you were treating Jay earlier today and before we left.

- I didn't say anything! - Hank soon affirms.

- You don't have to say when you give him that look. - Erin says and Hank stares at her. - I just don't want you to say anything to him. Charlotte adores Jay, she enjoys spending time with him and Jay is just being kind...

- He's deceiving her! - Hank soon interrupts Erin and gets a look from her and then begins to explain himself. - Look, I've seen this story before, and that girl has only 3 years to leave with a broken heart. - Says Voight.

- She is three years old and is Jay's friend. - Erin tells Voight.

- What's going to come out of this friendship? You live in different states Erin. Have you thought of your daughter? What if she becomes attached to Jay? What will you do? Traveling and telling stories to the girl? - Voight says and leaves Erin stressed. - You always do that, you look like reckless teenagers! Don't you remember what happened years ago? How it went wrong and... - Well if he stressed Erin before, he just crossed all limits now and Erin interrupts him.

- You are unbelievable. - She starts annoyed, her voice tight. - We are not teenagers Hank, Charlotte is MY daughter and who are you to judge if I think about her feelings or not? You always, always need to put me in trouble, always need to be sure that you are going to control my life. I'm really trying here, but I don't think you're ever gonna change. - She holds back tears, this time from anger.

- Erin... - Hank starts, but she cuts him off.

- Yes Hank, I remember years ago, I remember what happened years ago! I remember Jay holding my own when you quit, I remember he helped me get back to being myself, I remember he helped me not to lose myself again when Justin died. I remember him always being there for me. I remember when I needed him most, he was dealing with his own shit. Every time I look at him and Charlotte I'm reminded that I took away from him the opportunity to experience that with his own son. Every time I see him with Charlotte, as much as it breaks my heart to see the two of them together and know that this is going nowhere because I'm moving back to NY, I feel like it's unfair to him because I lost OUR son. - Erin breaks down.

Voight is shocked by what he just heard. Was Erin pregnant with Jay? He tries to speak, but she continues.

- I can't even blame him for not being there when I lost our son because I see what an amazing father he would have been had he known back then and if our baby had survived. So yes, I let him have as much of a moment as he can with Charlotte, because every day, I wonder what things would have been like if I'd had that baby. - Erin wipes the tears that run down her face. - Jay is nothing but thoughtful for still looking me in the face after everything I've done to him and being kind to my daughter. So Hank, stop asking if I forgot, because the one who lives with that guilt, the one who feels that guilt every day is me, the one who can't even think about going to a meeting with the Ivory Tower without remembering that the day I lost my baby, lost my boyfriend and lost my job, that's me. - She vents everything that has been choking for years.

- Erin... - Hank starts and for the first time in his entire life he is speechless. - I'm sorry. - He doesn't feel that apologizing will be enough, but it's all he manages to say at first.

- Never mind. - Erin starts picking up her things and gets up.

- Erin, hold on. - Hank recovers in time to try to stop her.

- I have a meeting, I need to go. - She throws some notes on the table and leaves, without even waiting for a word from Hank.


Still at lunchtime, while Erin and Hank had a pleasant conversation at first but that became what it was later, in the district things were calmer and more pleasant.

- What shall we eat? I'm already hungry. - Tess questions her friend Nick.

- I don't know, I feel like one of those tourists who go to McDonald's. - He jokes.

- That little monster wouldn't judge you. Tess gestures into the break room.

- By the way, I didn't see Jay leaving. - Nick comments.

- It's because he didn't come out, I'm sure she trapped him in there and he probably didn't care about that. - Tess laughs.

- She really liked him, I think I'm starting to get jealous. - He plays.

- Think you're going back to NY with her, not him. Let him have a moment with her, you know, after all... - Tess says and Nick just nods. - I'll see what she wants to have lunch and you look for some restaurant for us. - Tess gets up and walks away from the table into the break room.

- Hi... what are you doing, guys? - Tess walks in smiling gently when she finds Jay concentrated drawing and Charlotte beside her kneeling in her chair watching what he is doing.

- Jay is drawing. - The girl says pointing to the paper in her attempt to show her aunt what he was doing.

- Cool, but aren't you hungry? - She asks and the girl quickly answers.

- Very hungry, but I don't want to stop drawing. - She says sitting straight in the chair and turning completely to her mother's friend.

- You do not need, what do you want to eat? Me and Uncle Nick bring it to you. - Teresa says.

In fact, she had the intention of going with Nick and the girl to where they were going to eat, so that she wouldn't be cooped up in that room all day and because after lunch they wouldn't go back to the district since they had already finished work, however, Tess felt guilt if she took her pseudo-niece away from Jay's side. They both looked content next to each other and she wasn't going to be a party pooper.

- Hmm... mac and cheese. - She says excitedly.

- And you Jay? - She questions him, stroking the girl's head and noticing the detective's drawing, he seemed inspired.

- Oh, no thanks, I don't want to bother. - He says looking at the woman.

- Do not start. You haven't gone out to lunch so far, and besides, if you tip us what you want to eat, that might be what Nick and I are going to eat, we don't know any places around here. -Tess tells Jay that she gives in, because he was starving, but he would appreciate an early death, since his last moments were with Erin and Charlotte.

- Well, there's a new restaurant that opened around the corner, they're chicken sandwich combos, I think you're going to love them, they're very good and police officers have a discount. - He smiles at the woman.

- Well, three sandwiches and a mac and cheese then. - Tess says tickling the shoulders of the girl who interrupts her.

- No, I want the same as Jay. - She switches as soon as Jay makes his order.

- Hey princess, the sandwich is too big, how about you get mac and cheese and we share the sandwich? - He offers and the girl immediately accepts.

Nick likes the idea and so the two go off to order now 4 burgers and 1 Mac and cheese. Hailey hadn't had lunch either and they offered to pick up her order for her.

- Why didn't Charlie come? - Nick asks as they both walk to the restaurant.

- She was very entertained playing with Jay. - Tess counts.

- I don't think I've ever seen her get attached so fast to someone like she got attached to Jay. - He says and Tess nods.

- It's been 2 months and she makes it seem like they haven't seen each other in a few days. - Tess also comments.

- I hope when we leave she'll be okay. - Nick says and Tess nods again as they walk into the restaurant getting lost in random matters.


Erin was currently in an uber with her daughter heading towards Kim's house, it was a new address, different from years ago, but she was lost in thought. Today was exhausting, in fact every day in Chicago was exhausting due to all the events she'd been through and she wondered if this was how Jay felt when he was in NY months ago.

She was also thinking about what Tess, Nick and Charlie had told her about earlier. They returned with Charlotte's lunch, but the girl spent the entire time with Jay. She even wanted him to accompany her to the bathroom or for when they went to stretch their legs.

This behavior for those who lived with children was not strange, it is normal for children to become attached to someone just as Charlotte became attached to Jay. And sometimes it's not always someone in the family. The girl has even displayed this behavior with her nanny Mackenzie when the day had been so much fun and she didn't want it to end.

Hank didn't really like seeing the girl in that situation and if it weren't for everything he heard from Erin earlier he would have interfered, however, he preferred to lock himself in her office. Hailey watched the scene, she didn't say anything, but mentally she thought about what it would be like if the girl really was his. Would she agree to date Jay? But seeing how calm and considerate he was with the little girl, she had no doubt about it. She even thought that if it was her getting pregnant things would be different between them.

As much as Charlotte cried and begged she had to leave. Jay even considered staying with her in the precinct and taking her later or even taking the rest of the day off to enjoy Charlotte's last few hours in Chicago, but in his boss's mood, he didn't want to risk it.

Jay got down on one knee and explained, he said they would still see each other so he could return her stuffed animal. She managed to calm down a little, but as soon as Tereza picked her up and started walking, she started crying again and screamed for Jay. Jay's heart broke, his little eyes filled with tears and his hand held Ms. Purple Pig as she called and asked for him.

Now in the car she was calmer and counting her day as if nothing had happened, it wasn't that she didn't care, she was just a kid.

Erin didn't want to talk to Hank, she was still upset and had a lot on her mind and hearing about the scene her daughter had with Jay was even heavier for her. It wasn't the first time she'd seen her daughter act this way and it probably wouldn't be the last, but the fact that this person was Jay Halstead hurt.

She witnessed her daughter having this kind of reaction with some people who were important to the girl, but even more, with herself, at times when Erin had to go to work and the girl was more needy, wanting her mother for several reasons.

That was why Erin had held back her feelings for so many years, she didn't want to go there, but today was impossible. Erin didn't think it was just Charlotte crying because she was pulling away from her nanny or uncles like other times. She thought about Jay, thought about how he felt. It seemed that once again something was being ripped out of him, it's okay that the girl wasn't his daughter, but still, imagining that this could be his daughter, his reality hurt.

Erin was forced to leave her thoughts when the driver announced that they had arrived at the place, Erin quickly paid, thanked her and got off hand in hand with her daughter.

The two went up to the address that Kim had passed and soon they were greeting and hugging.

When her pseudo uncles told her it was time to go, she burst into tears and ran into Jay's arms, begging her to stay with him. They even said that Jay had to work, but she promised that she would behave.

- Erin, Charlie, I want you to meet Makayla. - Kim introduces the girl, she still didn't introduce her as her daughter, because she hadn't even filed for custody of the child, so she didn't want to convey a reality that could be different for Makayla.

- Hi... - Charlie says with his initial shyness. Makayla was even more shy and a little nervous around strangers, but she smiled at the girl three years younger than her. - I have a puzzle, do you want to put it together with me? - The girl so young offers and Makayla nods, but before Erin hands the toy to her daughter she talks to Makayla.

- Hi Makayla, how are you? - Erin bends her legs until she can stand at the height of the 6-year-old girl. - Can I call you Mak? - Erin asks and the girl smiles nodding.

- Just like Nanny Mac. - The younger girl comments.

- That's right. - Erin agrees with her daughter. - It's a pleasure for both of us to meet you Mak. You are very beautiful, did you know that? - Erin says and this time manages a smile with teeth. - Oh, we already have a little window? I think the tooth fairy is coming to visit. - Erin plays and the girl starts to get more comfortable.

The children are soon sitting in the living room trying to assemble the puzzle while their mothers are chatting sitting a little further away, at the dining table with their glasses of wine and a cold platter.

- You're so good with kids. - Kim comments.

- And you? I saw how she looked at you and hid in you when she felt insecure. She sought refuge with you. - Erin praises her friend.

- It was hard, she went through so much. - Kim looks at the child she hopes can officially be her daughter.

- I'm glad to know that she has you. - Erin rubs her friend's leg in support.

Kim soon tells Makayla's story, how she witnessed the death of her entire family, how she had to hide and pretend to be dead. Erin remembers a similar case when she worked in intelligence when she and Jay met Polly Carlson and thinking about the case she hopes the girl is doing well in the present day.

- I imagine how difficult and confusing it must be for Mak to manage everything at such a young age. - Erin says and looks at the little girl playing with her daughter.

- It's so difficult sometimes, her nightmares are so horrible, I wish I could pass all her pain to me. Those smiles of hers are so rare, she's usually serious and sad all the time. And I feel like a monster because I'm looking for a school for her so quickly...

- Hey... - Erin stops her. - I don't see anything more than a mother or future mother concerned with providing the best well-being for a child. I know you're giving her her best and if you don't think so, look at her, look at that smile and all the trust she has put in you. - Erin tries to reassure her friend. - Charlie was still too young to understand what happened to her and her family and thank God she didn't witness anything, but she was still pulled out of a reality and placed in another, with strangers. - Erin counts. - It was very difficult at first and I knew I would have to adopt her, I saw her growing up in those months and I was already attached to her, but in many moments I asked myself if it was the best choice for her, if I was good enough ... - Erin was more sensitive than usual today.

- Well, we can see that you confirmed that you were the best choice for her. I have never seen a child as well and as stable as she is. - Kim looks at the girls.

- But the sleepless nights, when you're alone and wondering what you're doing, are painful. - As much as Kim has been at it for just over a month, she understands her friend. - I wondered if I was making the right decision, if I would be a good mother... - Erin pauses and looks at Kim. - I wondered how I could take care of other people's children when I couldn't even keep and take care of my own. - Their gaze is fixed, Kim shocked by her friend's revelation.

Silence settles for a few moments and Kim manages to find words.

- Did you... did you have one? - Kim stutters with the question, her own memories surfacing. - When? -She asks quietly not knowing if she was being intrusive.

- A few days before leaving Chicago. - Erin whispers, but it wasn't her intention, it was just hard to talk about.

- Erin... - Kim says exasperated. So much happened back then. including for Kim's personal life. The woman was dealing with and caring for her sister and the trauma and abuse she suffered and when she went back to work her best friend was no longer working in intelligence, another detective was working and Erin texted her that she was in NY forever . - Jay...

- He knows. - So Erin tells the story, explains what happened and updates her friend. Tears from both stream down their faces.

- I had no idea you went through so much. I wish I had been there for you. - Kim gets up and they hu

- I know, but I think he was trying to deal with me and Jay first before letting people know. - She says and Kim agree

- I get you. - Kim says and Erin nods. It was common for people to say I understand even when they didn't, in fact to understand something specific you would have to go through the same pain, but no one who wasn't in a state of their own mind would fight someone who said those words and Erin wouldn't, but then she looked into Kim's eyes. It wasn't an "I understand" lip service and if her friend didn't say it with words, her eyes were screaming.

- Kim... - And then again they were both crying, no words were needed, they had the same look and shared the same pain. Thankfully, the girls were so entertained with each other that they didn't notice their weeping mothers.

Erin hugs Kim as they both cry..

- I'm sorry... - Kim walks away wiping the tears with her shirt sleeve and Erin with her fingers. - I think we're more connected than we think and not in the way we'd like.. - She says and Erin just nods before finding the words to ask the story.

Again there were cases moving more than they would like with the emotional. Kim told the story to her friend, both dedicating themselves and risking more than they should in their jobs. In this case, Kim paid with her baby's life to defend a victim and almost paid with her own life.

- I'm so sorry Kim. - Erin hugs her again and the two stay that way for a while longer until both manage to compose themselves and take turns going to the bathroom and keeping an eye on the girls.

Time passed and they were a little better, the pain would never leave them, but life had to go on and they found themselves enjoying their girls and helping them with their puzzles. Until they were done and a little more comfortable, Makayla called Charlotte for them to play pretend.

- It's her favorite game. - Comments Kim while the two girls run from one side to the other laughing. Now the two are more relaxed on Kim's couch.

- I love that, when you come mom, the pranks are so much fun. - Erin smiles being accompanied by Kim.

- I like to see her like this, but it hurts me, because I think she played that joke when she was scared or when she didn't want to see her parents fighting. - Erin stares at her.

- Listen, when I was a kid, I did the same and I had no one to change it for me. - Erin says her friend and turns to the girls. - But look at her, she's not running away or scared, she's so happy Kim, she trusts you, you're her home. And if you need a letter, a witness for the adoption, you can count on my support, I'm here for whatever you need. - She takes her friend's hand.

- Thank you, that means the world to me and I say the same to you. Kim squeezes Erin's hand back.

- I know I wasn't very present in the last few years, I think I was trying to deal with everything that happened and overcome it, but I promise that even going back to NY, I won't let our contact die. - Erin promises.

- Good to know, but even if you didn't promise, I became friends with Tess and Nick, they know your address. - Kim jokes and Erin smiles at that.

More time passed in conversations, drinks and games with the girls, when the subject of relationships hovered in the air.

- And how is Adam doing with all this? - Erin questions as soon as she sees that he sent a message to Kim.

- He said he'll tutor her in an emergency if I need it. - She counts.

- You're not together? - Erin questions her.

- Not since I had the miscarriage. - She counts and looks at her cup on her thigh. - I don't know, we've been so confused ever since, we weren't really together when I got pregnant, we've had relapses. She gives a shy laugh, but Erin knows she isn't finding this situation all that amusing.

- Hey... - Erin waits for her to face her before continuing. - Be honest with him about what you want, set limits and ask him to do the same, before you regret it and have no return! - Erin tells her. - God knows how I wish things had turned out differently... - Erin didn't have to name names for her friend to know who she was talking about.

- How are you after all? - Kim questions.

- I think well, you know we're friends, but it's weird and we don't have much to do, we met for a case and now that it's over, it's over. - Erin says and smiles when she sees Mak with a wand doing "magic" with Charlotte.

- Well, but what about Charlie, she got super attached to him. You needed to see today...

- They told me… - Erin interrupts.

- And I can say that Charlie is not the only one who felt it. - Kim takes a sip of the purple drink.

- I keep thinking about how it is for him to have contact with her knowing that he could have a child of the same age, you know? How difficult it must be for him. When I told him, I don't think I've ever seen him so broken Kim. I wondered for days if I had made the right decision to tell him. - Erin says also drinking her wine.

- I know you did, you know Jay and you know how he wished you had told him instead of lying or hiding. - Erin agrees, she knows Jay's morals and what he expects from people.

- It's just hard, it took years for me not to blame myself so much for the miscarriage, but now seeing Jay, it seems that the wound is being reopened every day. - Kim squeezes her friend's hand in comfort.

- You know, I always looked up to your relationship, when I found out that you had broken up I couldn't believe it. - Kim counts.

- It was difficult, I know for both of us, but we were destroyed Kim. - She says and the officer nods.

- Have you ever tried a long distance relationship? - Kim questions.

- No... - Erin snorts. - But look at us, I have my team, my daughter and Jay is a detective who I know is getting better every day and he dates Hailey, I think...

- HE WHAT? - Kim interrupts her friend in shock, drawing attention even from the two girls.

- You didn't know? - Erin questions confused.

- Didn't know what exactly? - Kim questions further in shock.

- He and Hailey have a relationship. - Erin is curious about how her friend doesn't know.

- It can't be... wait, can you imagine that because they were very close? It's just that they're partners and...

- No, I had my doubts, but I saw them kissing in NY. - Erin explains.

- So they started to relate there, because I never saw them together. As friends of course, but never more than that. - Kim says replaying the moments in her mind. - Jay never showed anything, absolutely nothing and I can tell you that with certainty, because I've seen him relating when it was you and I saw her relating, and certainly those two are not together. - Kim reaffirms.

- How have you seen her relating? - Erin questions curiously. - She dated a patrolman?

- If you want to call Adam a patrolman, yes. - Kim counts.

- WHAT? - It's Erin's turn to get the girls' attention with shock. Lucky for them, the kids just go back to playing after they watch their crazy mothers gossip. - Hailey and Adam?

- Yes, they didn't even have to tell me, I got them too. - Kim counts.

- In the district? - Erin asks.

- Almost eating each other in the cupboard. - Kim mentions and laughs.

- I don't believe. And how was that? From Adam to Jay. - Erin asks.

- I don't know, because I didn't know and I can assure you that neither Kevin nor Adam know about it, you know how Adam doesn't let anything pass him by and he never commented. - Kim counts.

- Maybe they wanted to keep it a secret. - Erin says.

- Maybe... - Kim agrees. - But the truth is that we haven't been ourselves for a long time. - Kim takes a deep breath and pours the rest of the wine.

- What do you mean? - Erin thanks her before taking a sip of her drink.

- I feel like the family we were fell apart. Since I came back and you weren't there, we haven't been the same. - She starts to count. - I was worried about my sister avoiding Ruzek. Jay was dealing with a lot and he nearly destroyed himself over it. - It hurts Erin's heart. - Hailey was a displaced rookie. Then Al died. - The two are silent for a while. - I think everything started to fall apart a little for everyone. Again Jay with the death of his father...

- Jay's father died? - Erin is surprised, but neither of them deepens, that's a story for Jay to tell.

- Antonio started taking drugs after what happened to Eva. - Kim expects a reaction from Erin.

- I knew. He called me asking for help. - Erin comments.

- Were you the help he mentioned? - Kim questions, but Erin isn't exactly sure she did. - Hailey and I were kidnapped, I lost my baby, Atwater had problems with his brother and threats from the police itself and that intensified with George Floyd, Jay was also kidnapped, so much shit happened. - And in that moment Erin feels like the worst person ever.

She was so busy with herself, that her family needed her, she couldn't do much but at least she could be there for them as a support. She thought about everything they'd been through, listening to Jay's stories, knowing he was kidnapped again took her in the past and she didn't want to go into detail with Kim, she needed to talk to Jay and maybe just apologizing to everyone would never be the right thing to do. enough.

- I think so much shit happened to everyone that instead of getting closer, we separated and walked away, you know? I think we decided to each deal with our own and that distanced us even further. - Kim says and Erin feels that Kim doesn't blame her. Maybe everyone is guilty and innocent at the same time, they stopped being a family, they got lost there and maybe that was why they were okay with her coming back, because maybe, just maybe she wasn't the only one to blame.


The rest of the night was spent with them avoiding any topic that would make them feel even more guilty, however, their minds were on everything they talked about during the night. Erin was glad it wasn't so late. The intelligence had been released early due to working hours with Garry and because it was just paperwork at work. So it was only 8 pm when Erin left her friend's house.

Both promised to stay in touch, apologies were exchanged and both sides stated that this was not necessary and that they should just move on from now on. Kim thanked them for everything and Makayla even gave Charlotte and Erin a hug as they said goodbye.

Erin knew that in half an hour her daughter should be ready for bed and her daughter's tired look said that she would probably sleep before then, but instead of throwing in the hotel address like she should have, she threw in the address that Jay spent some time on. back by message.

It was starting to get late, she was drunk and maybe it wasn't the best time for them to talk, in fact the sober Erin was sure of it, it would be the same as it had been with Jay two months ago finding out about paternity hours before returning to Chicago, but unfortunately it wasn't the sober Erin in charge of her body, it was the slightly altered Erin.

Erin wasn't dizzy or out of her mind, not least because of her history she was quite resistant to drinking, but she was braver, brave enough to be standing in the doorway of Jay's apartment, a sleeping Charlotte in her arms. , ready to apologize.

Today had been shit, from start to finish she felt so, so guilty for everything she'd put him through, that he needed to hear her and that needed to be in person. She wasn't sorry she was standing there in the doorway, but she was nervous about what she might find on the other side of the door.

A few minutes later she hears footsteps inside the apartment quickly approaching and when the door opens, her eyes meet.

We were something, don't you think so?

Rosé flowing with your chosen family

And it would've been sweet

If it could've been me

In my defense, I have none

For digging up the grave another time

But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one

(Ooh)


A/N: I've been trying to bring this chapter since the 16th, but it was so long and difficult to translate that it took me two days. I know this one brought a lot of information, I hope it didn't leave you confused.

Now about my disappearance, people, I was literally in the middle of exams, one after the other and with all that, I was without internet for months and when I did it was a weak signal and it didn't help much, I had to move three times in less than three months, so it was a mess. At that time, it was also my birthday and I will tell you that Jesse leaving was a great gift. Haha ha. Well I have my last week of exams in December and then it's vacation and when I think I'll update more but I'll try to bring chapter 17 before that but no promises.

I hope you stay with me, XOXO