Chapter 20: My way
"The ties that unite us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems that ties have been severed. Some ties defy distance, time, and logic. Because some ties simply must exist."
- Grey's Anatomy
After checking into the hotel Lindsay spent some quality time playing with her daughter, she was trying to avoid thinking about the chaos her life was in. She managed to distract herself a little. She ordered lunch just for her daughter, as she was not hungry.
The day passed like this trying to distract himself. She spoke with Marshall who said she would need to keep him updated on developments. She already missed work a lot and as kind as Marshall was, he answered to authorities above him, Erin couldn't miss work like that letting her right hand take over whenever she wanted. Marshall warned that he would get her a few more days because it was a family affair and that he would not let her lose her job.
Erin was so grateful for everything he'd ever done for her and knew that no matter how hard she tried, it would be impossible to repay him, but he always said it wasn't necessary.
She also caught up with friends, she updated Nick and Tess better on everything that was going on and said she was scared of losing Hank. They reassured her, as they all said he was strong and would take this one more. They'd offered to fly, even though they knew they couldn't, but she was grateful they'd offered.
- If you came, the three of us would lose our jobs. - She says looking at the camera.
- And? We have Charlotte, she's still cute, we can use her as a model, live in a flat and sleep snuggly with our teddy bear who would support us. - Nick jokes and manages to get a smile from Erin.
- Well, while we don't do that, we have to go. Shout out if you need us. - Tess says and sends a kiss to Erin.
- I go. Thank you guys. I love you. - Erin sends another kiss, Charlie does the same before they also say that they love both of them and the connection ends.
Charlotte's dinner time arrives, Erin again asks for food just for her daughter, she eats some of her daughter's food, but really didn't feel like eating. After dinner she gives the girl a bath and soon they go to bed, with some stories and lullabies, the little girl falls asleep.
Erin slowly and silently gets out of bed and goes to the hotel counter. She was exhausted but unable to sleep. Her thoughts were on the image of Hank Voight in that hospital room, stinking with all those drugs, cold with all those machines, dead, sad, not looking like a place people survived. She was sad, she remembers all the times Hank helped her, the time she got the card.
Erin pulls out her purse, taking out her wallet and then pulls out a card. It was the card Voight had given her. 23 years old, the card was 23 years old, she had more time with the card now than when she was alone. She was just a girl and Hank was the only man at that time who, instead of paying a few bucks to abuse that teenager, took her in. She was so grateful for Hank and for Camille and for Justin.
Tears start to roll down her face. They were dead. Hank was between life and death, everything she knew as family, what was presented to her with lots of love, care, laughter and learning was on the verge of becoming just memories. Memories that would stay in her mind forever, but she didn't want it to be like this, Hank had to fight, come back to her, come home.
She knows she was being selfish, she should let him go, rest in peace, but she wouldn't forgive herself, she left, she lost touch, they barely spoke and they were fighting, he couldn't go.
Her tears kept streaming down her face and she jumped out of her chair when she heard the door slam. She didn't wait for anyone, she didn't give her room number to anyone, not even Jay. She then remembers that she asked for extra cheese earlier, but it had been hours since she didn't care anymore, she got annoyed that they only took it now.
Wiping her face completely soaked she walks to the door, as much as she tried, her whole face was red, her nose almost running, eyes swollen and tears leaking involuntarily. She couldn't hide it even if she wanted to.
She was prepared to accept the cheese without even complaining as she didn't want to spend too much time in the doorway, but when she opens it she is taken aback. For the second time in a row it was Jay. How did he know? She wonders, but never mind, he always knew.
Without a word she realizes that it's not just her that is wrong, she notices his red eyes and soon they are hugging. It was mutual, it was comforting and consoling each other without a word. Erin was grateful, Jay was glad she had him.
After a long moment of hugging, they move away, to break the tense and heavy atmosphere, Erin jokes.
- You are not room service. - She looks at him and wipes her face.
- But I have food. - He lifts a cardboard bag.
- I...
- And it's no use saying you're not hungry, because I'm sure that if Platt and I weren't by your side, you wouldn't even have breakfast and I bet you didn't eat anything then after that. And don't make me be mean and wake up your daughter to confirm what we all already know. - He says and she stares at him in disbelief.
- You know too much, I'll have to kill you. - She jokes, while he enters the hotel room.
- You wouldn't live without my brilliant mind. - He puts the food on the counter and turns to her. The subject gets heavy again, because not even trying to play she manages to lighten the mood a lot.
- He can't die Jay, I can't lose him. - He then pulls her into his arms.
- Hey... calm down, we have to wait for the results ok? He could wake up at any moment. - Jay tries to reassure her.
- I fought with him the penultimate time I was here, I told him to stay away from me if he was going to continue treating me like a child, but I want him in my life, meddling and I fight with him for that.
Jay pulls away, his hands go up to her neck and he wipes the tears that flowed from her.
- He will still take care of your life and you will fight with him, but happy to know that he still cares, even though you are an adult.
-You know me so well...-Her hands go up until they find his that are still firm on her face. She was locked in his gaze, she was mesmerized and all she wanted was to lean in and feel his lips on hers one more time, she wanted him so much it hurt, she wanted to lose herself in his arms, wanted him to hold her forever and never let go, but she wasn't his anymore, even if all she wanted was to give herself to him once more.
- Yes... - He smiles, his hands never leaving her, all he had to do was lean in, she would be his one more time, one more night, he would touch her, he would feel her giving herself completely to him, he he wanted her to trust him body and soul. They didn't need a bed, they would leave Charlotte quiet and sleeping in the room while they gave themselves to each other, they would give themselves to passion, it was only for him to lean in a little and then that bench or the couch in that hotel room would serve as their demonstration. the love they had held for so long.
- What happened? - With her hands in his, Erin pushes him away, she couldn't do what her heart, body and soul begged her to do, she knew Jay had a hard day and wanted to be there for him. Jay is jolted out of his thoughts, bewildered and feeling cold in the palms of his hands for not feeling her.
- What? - Jay questions her.
- I know something happened, you can tell me. - She says and they sit down. Jay concentrated on opening up to her, taking it into his mind, or rather putting it to the back of his mind, that he wanted to pull her into her arms and never let go.
- I know what happened to Dimitri, I know what Voight and Hailey did. - He stares at her.
- Jay...
- Now the FBI knows too...
- Is the FBI on the case? - She questions him curiously. - Why? As?
- I don't know everything yet, but apparently Dimitri was involved in more cases and the FBI was looking for him. So they searched and found us. - Jay says and Erin runs a hand through her hair.
- And now? - She looks at Jay.
- I'm being blackmailed by an FBI agent. - He stares at Erin.
- Blackmailed? Who is it? - Erin gets up and goes to her laptop that is on the arm of the sofa.
- Agent North. - He says and Erin stops halfway.
- Liam North? - Erin turns to Jay.
- I don't know, do you know him? - He questions her.
- We were partners in the academy and then in the patrol. His father hated Hank Voight, he was corrupt and Voight turned him in. North never forgave me or Hank. - Erin says putting the notebook on the bench.
- I have to sort this out. - Jay says.
- We'll work it out. We're in this together. - She runs her hand over Jay's shoulders. - Let me guess, he wants Voight? - She questions and Jay nods.
- In exchange for freeing me and Hailey. - He counts and Erin for his concentration and looks at Jay.
- What are you thinking of doing? - She stares at him. She figured maybe it was just him and Voight, but now Hailey was in the mix, she knew his point.
- I'm thinking of using your help. They are after intelligence, if we take a wrong step everything falls apart. - he makes a collapsing sound with his mouth and snaps his fingers.
- Let's find a way. - She says and he nods gratefully.
Two days later
Erin and Jay spent the night trying to fix the situation, but they didn't have much to do. Voight was still in a coma, the Ivory Tower on top of them from the explosion and the FBI on top of them.
Lindsay left Charlotte at Kim's house to go to Voight. She was visiting him as much as she could without leaving her daughter too much time with familiar face strangers. She was a shy child and didn't like to be with strangers, but Kim was at home and she ended up getting a little too comfortable with the woman and a little friend to play with while her mother was away.
Erin was trying to resolve everything at once. In a few hours Jay would have to meet with Agent North and give him an answer. She was nervous about this date.
Jay would deny it, Erin had a meeting with the Ivory Tower before, she would ask for help, not on her behalf of course, she had Marshall and Nick's help to find some evidence that would help them. They found it, but they didn't know if it would work, much less how long they had before it all came crashing down.
Voight was transferred to a normal room. He was a little freer from all those braces and the doctors said the swelling had completely gone down and they just needed to wait now. Hank could wake up at any moment.
Erin walked into the room and sat next to him.
- I think it's good you're sleeping because of all this mess that's going on right now. - Erin says to the man. - You can cause a lot of trouble and then I'm the teenager here. - Erin laughs. - I need you to come back, not to clean up this mess, but because I need you in my life. Pissing me off, trying to butt in while I get mad at you, but inside so happy to see how much you care. -Erin lowers her head into Voight's hand and stays that way for a while until she knows it was time to go. - I have to go, but I promise I'll be back later today. - She gets up and leaves the room. Not quite ready for the meeting she's about to have with whoever literally threw her out of Chicago police services.
Erin straightens her already arranged suit as she enters the conference room. Everyone was already gathered waiting for her.
- Sorry I'm late, I was with Voight at the hospital. - She says and sits down. After brief inquiries about the man's status, they begin.
Erin had a series of proofs and evidence of corruption, money laundering, bribery, among other crimes that North did, he was practically a pupil of her father.
- Is this man who has a case on his hands? - Erin questions and stands up. - North gave gangs 3 out of 5 cases that would help clean up the streets of our country, but for money he didn't. What does he have now? How can we trust the evidence he hands over his desks if he can't be trusted? - Erin walks across the room, takes a paper and shows that he gave his own uncle to the police. - Someone who betrays his family for his own benefit. - She lays out the facts, but she knows they wouldn't mind being Hank, but Erin decides to go further.
- Imagine if that spreads through the mouth of the people? Does it come out in the news that internal affairs left one of the worst corrupt, to get another who was in a coma in the hospital? You know how the media is sensationalized and civilians are very questioning. They can attack, not only intelligence, but like all of you. How did you let this go on for years? - Erin stops at the table and points to all the evidence she's left open on purpose. - As the decline of the Ivory Tower would be, the mayor would have to get in the middle and you know how politicians are, they would sacrifice everyone so as not to fall out of favor in the eyes of voters. And if they found out that Hank was in a coma, they might even stay by his side out of pity for saving his team's lives by stepping into the front lines and taking a risk. You know how our country loves an American hero. - She says and finally sits down.
Erin did her job, installed the little seed in their heads. They were silent and she didn't even bother to get her paperwork, she would leave it there for them to think about it.
She smiles as she walks through the door, she's sure the Ivory Tower would protect her skin before trying to burn someone else's. Discovering the crimes North had committed and bringing it to light would only lead to trouble and they couldn't risk it.
- All done, then tell me how it went with that idiot. - Erin texts Jay and leaves the building, ready to go home.
However, on the way home she received a message from Will that he was awake. Holding back her tears, she asks the driver to change paths, he was finally awake.
Running through the halls of the hospital, Erin finally finds his room. Lying there, without tubes, without those devices wrapped around his body, was Hank. Erin smiles with tears in her eyes when Hank notices her.
- Hi... - She approaches him and he tries to smile at her. Erin takes his hand and stares at him as she listens to him speak.
- I'll always care, girl. - He squeezes her hand and she lets the tears run down her face.
Doctors said it would take him some time to recover, but luckily no damage was done to his brain. He was fine despite the circumstances.
Hank Voight said he felt great and wanted to be discharged, it was clearly a lie, the doctors advised them to wait a few more days and with a lot of convincing Erin managed to convince him.
The man was talking too much, asking about work.
- You left everything a mess. - Erin laughs and looks at him.
- What do you mean? - He questions Erin, but they are interrupted because he has to do some tests.
Erin takes advantage of her alone time to call Jay.
- How was there? - She questions him.
- Not very good. - Jay says on the other end of the line. - He didn't like it at all that I turned him down, said that I would regret it and that he was going to end my career. - He counts. - This has to work, not for me, we all take risks. -He says into the phone as he gets in the car, but makes no move to get out.
- We will, I think I managed to convince the Ivory Tower, but we have to wait. - Erin says.
- Yes and how...
- Damn it! - Erin says after looking at the time.
- Everything is fine? - He asks worriedly.
- Yes and no, I told Kim I would pick Charlotte up at 5pm, but Hank woke up and I...
- Voight awake? How is he?
- Sorry, yes. The doctors said that he is fine for those who suffered what he suffered and I also think that because he is already giving orders and wanting to work. - Erin laughs.
- Voight being Voight. - Jay says and continues to Erin's first problem. - Don't worry, I'll look for Charlotte. You want me to take you there, I can stay with you until you're finishing there and I'll pick you up. - Jay warns.
- I don't want to fill you with stuff and...
- You know I don't care. I know you're without a car and it's a good choice to be your driver after you've made me your househusband for so many years. - He plays.
- You know you're good at it. - The two laugh and Erin thanks him once more before hanging up.
- I'll fix it. - Voight says after Erin updates him on what's going on.
- We are already solving it, the only thing you have to worry about solving now is your health...
- I agree. - Hank's orthopedist enters the room accompanied by a tall man, black hair and green eyes. - Mr. Voight, you've had multiple fractures throughout your body and I'm hearing from the halls that you're wanting to leave the hospital? - The woman questions him and Erin stares at him.
- I'm fine, I can handle it. - He says harshly.
- I'm Doctor Salvatore, I'll be your physiotherapist. - The man looks at Erin, he couldn't help noticing her beauty, but he was there on business. - I usually don't do this, but I'll discharge you if you can get out of bed. You don't even have to walk, just get out of bed. - The man approaches the bed and waits for Voight.
Due to his ribs, even medicated Voight could barely move and even though he tried his best not to show pain, it was evident that he was in pain by his expression.
- I don't want a doctor younger than me, you don't know anything.
- I'm 20 years into medicine, I entered Harvard College at just 15 years old, I served in the army years later on the front line to save soldiers, I dealt with several cases and they were much more complex and complicated than yours. Men who lost limbs, who couldn't move for months. You ran a great risk of becoming paraplegic and I guarantee that if you are mumbling like a crybaby, you will stay in that wheelchair until the last days and I'm sure you don't want to be dependent on your daughter or nurses. - He says and Erin stares at him shocked and then looks at Voight.
- If you refuse physiotherapy you will not be able to do the most basic things without being next to a nurse or someone to help you. - The orthopedist says.
- You can refuse my job, we can look for another physiotherapist, but I assure you that my age does not say much about my professionalism, I guarantee you a good result in a few months, but you will have to cooperate with me. - Salvatore says and before Voight says anything Erin stands up.
- He'll take it. - She says and Voight gets angry.
- You are not my mother to make decisions about me. He glares at her, but Lindsay doesn't care.
- Apparently I'm your emergency contact and I think your fall fractured a lot of parts of your brain as you're not thinking straight so either you accept it or I think we're going to have to call the neuro to evaluate your head again , maybe one more surgery will help. - She turns fully to Hank.
- All good. - He snorts. - Now get out of here.
They had more to talk about, but he yelled and threw them all out, including Erin.
- Sorry about that, he can be difficult sometimes. - Erin says after closing the door behind her and turning to the doctors.
- All right, we've dealt with some worse, believe me. - The woman smiles at Erin. - Well, I'll leave you in the competent hands of Doctor Salvatore. - The doctor pats him on the shoulder as she leaves.
- I'm sorry, Miss Voight, I'm not usually like this with patients. - He starts to speak and explain himself, but Erin interrupts him.
- I'll believe you if you call me Erin. - She smiles gently at him.
- Erin... it's a beautiful name. - He looks at her and realizes that he left her a little embarrassed. -As I was saying, Erin...-He also has dimples when he smiles, but notice that no dimples are as pretty as Erin's. - I tend to be more gentle with my patients, but there are some who prefer a firmer tone, I think that way they feel better. - The man says and Erin smiles waving.
- I believe in you. - She says.
- Well, he's going to go a long way because of his age. I would advise him to stay another week in the hospital, but I doubt he will want to.
- Not even. - Erin counters. - But I'll try to do my best.
- I thought so. That's why, today I'll pass on the information of what I'm planning to you, you keep him updated and tomorrow I'll come and talk to him, can we arrange it like this? - He questions.
- Yes.
- Well, let's try to keep him as long as possible here, he will be discharged when he learns to use the toilet on his own, initially he will need a lot of rest for his ribs and wheelchair, with his ribs and fractured leg he will barely make it get out of bed. - The man explains and Erin nods. - His physiotherapy starts right here in his room, we try to lift him up little by little, make him move his arms and little by little we advance the more he recovers.
Erin nods and agrees with everything the man is saying, she knows it's going to be hard to convince him of all this, but she won't give up.
Jay was thinking about taking Charlotte to his house, but when passing through a square he had an idea. It was summer and technically a vacation for the kids, even though for Charlotte it was almost always a vacation because she was only 3 years old.
The sun was still hot, even though it was almost 6pm and it was setting. He asked her if she wanted to go to the park and she excitedly agreed. Jay took her on every ride in the park and couldn't get enough of her saying "again, again" which was probably a thousand times. At the end when it started to get dark he promised her an ice cream. Maybe if he was her father or knew her very well he wouldn't be giving her ice cream at this time of day. Jay would find that out later.
- Let's go, your mom is already released, let's get her. - Jay takes her hand and they walk to the car.
- Dude, I swear to you, I'm going to marry that woman. I've never seen anyone so beautiful. When she smiled, I think I fell in love. - Salvatore is at an emergency department counter talking to Ethan Choi. - She is a beautiful brunette and seems to be a good woman at heart. - The man says and Choi just laughs, shaking his head while playing with the computer. - Look man, it's that one over there. - He points when he sees Erin passing towards the exit.
- Who says she's not married? - Choi asks him without realizing that that was Erin Lindsay.
- I checked, no rings man. -The physiotherapist says, but before he can say more the automatic door opens.
A girl comes running towards Erin who stops in her tracks and opens her arms to receive the girl in her lap. The two men watch. Erin smiles and kisses the girl, they can't hear what they say, but Salvatore suspects that this is her daughter and the child is not alone, he notices a smiling man standing in the doorway watching the two. Erin walks in with the girl in her arms and goes to talk to the man and the three of them walk out the door together.
Perhaps he would realize that there was no touch, kiss or hug from Erin and the man standing next to her, but with Choi beside him talking he didn't concentrate.
- I think your future wife is already married my friend and with family. - Ethan laughs and walks away leaving his friend alone.
Salvatore stands there thinking, he didn't know anything about Erin other than that her father was in the hospital, her name was Erin Voight and apparently she was married with a child, and really, who could say it was just one? ? He barely created expectations with her and a bucket of cold water was thrown at him. He gets out of his mind and goes back to work.
- I can't believe you gave her ice cream. - Erin says to Jay when they are in the car.
- I didn't know it was the same thing as putting batteries in a thousand toy cars, I'm sorry. - Charlotte was completely hyperactive, she was screaming, laughing, jumping and asking for more ice cream.
- Little monster, today you will have a pajama party at Jay's house. - She stares at him.
- Serious? I want to play at Mama Jay's house. - She says excited about the idea.
- You pay me, you who should handle all this sugar. - Jay laughs and apologizes again.
- I can stay with you and help take care of this little monster. - He says and turns to Erin. - Is that why you call her a little monster? - She nods and Jay continues. - I always wondered why you called her that sometimes, she was always so sweet and quiet.
-She's sweet and laid back, but she can be a little monster at times.- Erin turns to her daughter. -Isn't she a little monster? -The girl wasn't even paying attention, but she nods smiling at her mother. - Your luck is that you are very beautiful. - Erin moves her foot and tickles her making her laugh.
They arrive at the hotel and Jay offers to go upstairs.
- No, I can handle it. - Erin laughs. - You must be tired and did a lot today. - She says and opens the car door. Jay does the same.
- You too, your day was exhausting, I can help, besides, I'm hungry, we can have dinner and you update me on Voight. - He says and Erin knows that everything is a trick for her not to deny it and she won't.
The two go upstairs and she asks Jay to order some sushi while she takes her daughter to take a shower.
Jay was on his cell phone when he saw Erin coming out of the bathroom. Charlotte was curled up next to her mother walking by, but what caught his eye was Erin, Charlotte had apparently given her a bath. Erin was wearing a white blouse that clung to her body, showing the right curves of her body and her breasts perfectly enclosed in the bra. Jay was out of control, he wanted to put that girl to sleep and pull Erin into the bathroom.
With a cell phone notification Jay comes out of his daydreams and realizes that her body reacted to seeing Erin's body. Damn, he needed a shower, but a cold one. He focuses on his brother's message and thinks of everything but Erin's wet body.
- Charlotte, I'm serious. -Erin says, but when Jay turned around he didn't know if it was true, because Erin was laughing and her tone wasn't serious.
Jay looked at the girl and realized why it wasn't serious, Charlotte was grimacing and jumping on the bed. He wasn't serious either and his previous problem was hidden in his mind. The girl ran to the end of the bed sat up, got out of bed and started running, her towel dropped on the bed and she running naked.
- Mommy, you don't get me, you don't get me. - She screams laughing with Erin behind her. Erin almost made it, but she was faster when she spotted Jay. - Jay saves me. - She runs to him for protection, but he betrayed her and caught her.
- I think someone needs to put on clothes first. - He picks it up and hands it back to Erin.
- Thanks. - Erin laughs. She's not always in the mood for her daughter's jokes, sometimes she was too exhausted to be patient and join in the fun, but today she was happy, even if tired, because her daughter was happy and Hank was fine. - She loves to run around naked. Hopefully it's just a phase or else we'll have a problem. - Erin laughs putting a pair of panties on her.
- Sorry. - Jay says and Erin realizes that he is feeling guilty.
- Hey, I'm serious, it's okay. Erin didn't want him to feel guilty. - Monster, how was your day? Did you enjoy hanging out with Kim and Jay? - She asks while putting her pajamas on her.
- Yes, I played with Mak and Jay took me on all the rides in the park a soooo many times. - She says excitedly.
- See, she's happy, I'm happy. - Erin lifts her daughter in her arms, but doesn't touch her wet body and carries her hanging to Jay. - but today you're going to make her sleep, I'm going to take a shower. - Erin gives the girl to Jay.
Jay smiles and plays with the child in her arms, he puts her upside down making her laugh.
- If she throws up you will clean her and the floor. - Jay realizes what he just did and unturns the child who is laughing at Jay's jokes.
- Again again! - Charlie asks excitedly.
Erin leaves and goes into the bathroom leaving Jay alone with the girl not knowing much what to do. She was so excited, Erin knew she wasn't going to sleep and would make Jay desperate while she took a shower.
When Jay put Charlotte on the ground she looked like a hurricane, he remembered a childhood cartoon of her, Looney Tunes, the girl was looking like the character from Taz-mania.
Jay gave her water but he didn't know what to do and she was running, he was afraid she would get hurt, Erin would kill him if she got hurt and he wouldn't object to that.
- Hey Princess. Do you want to know a secret? - Jay calls her and she runs to him curious. - We can play bounce house, but only if you stop running.
Charlotte screams and runs to the bed jumping on the bed. Jay shakes his head and laughs as he walks over to her.
Erin laughs inside the bathroom listening to Jay talking to his daughter who is apparently ignoring him. The doorbell rings and Erin was about to leave the bathroom when her daughter jumped out of bed and ran to the door.
- Hey young lady, without opening the door alone. -Jay pulls her into her arms afraid of her running down the hotel corridor and thanks him for having paid with the card before, as it would be a problem for him to pay, get the food and still make sure the girl doesn't run away.
- Good night, thank you. - Jay says, closes the door and turns around finding Erin standing right behind her laughing as he puts Charlotte on the floor. - You're so mean, how do you calm her down? - He gets up.
- But I...
Charlotte starts to run towards her mother but stumbles and falls to the ground, she didn't have time to protect herself with her hands and hit her face on the ground. She gets up and Jay soon puts the food on the counter, but watches the scene in front of him.
- Hey, it's okay. - The girl soon starts crying. Erin pulls her into her arms and starts rocking her from side to side. - Shh, mommy is here... - The girl quickly stops crying and Erin looks at Jay. - That works sometimes too, but I prefer to put a movie on her and tell her she can have hot milk if she lies down. Erin laughs as she continues rocking her from side to side. - I think she's going to sleep, I'll be right back.
Erin leaves Jay alone, the guilt consuming him more and more. He looks at the room, Erin put on some weird noise and made the light very dim and was pacing the room. He saw that she was singing, it's the first time he's seen her singing like that, it was music to her ears, she does so well in that mama mode. Jay watched as Charlotte's little arms fell from her mother's shoulder and apparently Erin noticed, because minutes later Erin came out of the room and approached him.
- He fell asleep. -She says and sits next to her.
- She is fine? I can call Will, I don't think he would mind coming over to have a look, is it safe for her to sleep? - Erin laughs at Jay's state.
-She is fine. - She begins. - And I don't need another doctor hating me. - Erin says and by the confusion on Jay's face she starts to explain. - I was just like you when I adopted her, if I missed a breath while I was sleeping I would call the pediatrician, both when I lived in California and in NY, she was so small and fragile that I was afraid of breaking her. Erin smiles.
- You're so good with her. You are ready to be a mother, I gave her ice cream when I shouldn't and I even let her get hurt. - Jay says and lowers his head.
- You think I don't look like you? - She holds your attention, when I met her, she was only 1 year and 3 or 4 months old. She didn't even speak yet. I had to learn to be the mother of a child that wasn't mine, she made me a mother without me even realizing it. She had a lot of meth problems. One day I was changing her diaper, I didn't know they didn't expect us to pick up the bag that was far away without moving. - Erin laughs at her own words. - She turned and fell. She didn't cry or anything, she was just looking at me, I rushed her to the hospital, the doctor said she was fine and released us. It was my first week with her at home, I was scared, I didn't sleep that night, I was afraid that she would stop breathing and so I watched her. It took me a long time to get used to the fact that she wasn't going to die a sudden death, and sometimes I still find myself watching her breathing while she sleeps. -Erin scratches the back of her head and looks at the room where her daughter sleeps.
- You never told me her story. - He says and Erin stares at him. - You don't have to tell me if you don't want to...
- No... that's not it. Erin bites her lip and looks at the counter. - I knew I would have to deal with a family, I knew everything about it. Charlotte Melanie Roberts. 1 year. I took the job, at first I didn't know they made meth at home. We knew they were shipping out of the country and they had a vegan diner in Los Angeles. I moved there and I was going to work undercover as an attendant.
The food was long forgotten on the table as Jay concentrated on Charlotte's story.
- I didn't imagine she would be there, but they didn't have where or with whom to leave her. So they took her away, when I saw her, my heart stopped. Erin looks awkwardly at Jay. -She had her eyes, she still has and I was scared of it, I thought I was imagining things, our baby would be her age and I wondered if she would be like Charlie, if she would be a little girl.
Jay swallows hard with the news, since finding out about the pregnancy he's been asking himself the same question.
-Well, I tried to stay away from her as much as possible, but she caught me, she was so sweet, but her parents left her in the back and I couldn't leave her alone. That's when I realized that she was very late for her age, she was almost 16 months old and she didn't talk or walk. At first I thought it was just a lack of care and attention, but I found out that the drug was produced in their house and that was affecting her development. - Erin explains.
- They let you have contact with the production? - Jay questions, it was always sad to see how the parents were negligent with such innocent children.
- It was just over 4 months like this, I tried my best to warn Claire, her birth mother about Charlotte, she was so young, she was only 15 when her boyfriend took her into this world and she reminded me a lot of myself at that age, I always wondered if this would be the life I would have if Hank didn't take me in.
- Would not be. - Jay holds Erin's hand, he would give anything to meet her at that time, even if it was at school, be her friend and help prevent her from having a bad life.
-She was already 19 when I met her, we became friends, I saw that she was a good person and that she only did that because she said she was in love. Time passed and I revealed my identity to her...
- She gave you up? - Jay questions.
- She trusted me, I managed to convince her that that wasn't love and that wasn't the life she or Charlotte deserved and she helped me. We were going to arrest him and give Claire a chance to take care of her daughter. But then everything went wrong. - A tear escapes Erin's face and she takes Jay's hand away to wipe the tear away.
- He found out? - Jay asks and she nods.
- He doesn't know I'm from the FBI, but he knew they were after him, we don't know how. At that time I was already close to the family and even he trusted me a lot, he never accused me. Charlotte had evolved a little and was already walking, but she still didn't speak, she didn't have much stimulation for anything.
- Doesn't seem like it, she does so well nowadays. - Jay and Erin smile.
- I warned Claire to get out of there when Bryan left to do the exchanges, he would be followed and we would get her out of there, but she gave up. He didn't want to give me up, but he said she was the one who told the FBI, begged him not to go, she didn't want him arrested, but he didn't care, she betrayed him and he beat her up. I knew something was wrong when he didn't leave on time, he wouldn't be late. He beat her until she was unconscious. The tears continued to fall down her face.
Jay didn't know what to say, he really didn't have anything to say, so he stroked her thigh in a way of comforting her.
- I shouldn't have revealed to her that I was from the FBI, she was scared and still wanted to protect me.
-Erin, it's not her fault.
- She still believed that he loved her and that they would run away together, but he beat her and ran away. - Erin counts.
- What about Charlotte? - Jay asks a little worried.
- We believe he tried to take her, but it would be very easy to find him with a missing girl. She was fine in her room, when we arrived she was crying scared, she probably heard her father hitting her mother.
- What about Claire? - Jay asks imagining the possible answer.
"She was conscious when we found her, badly injured. - Erin stops and Jay knows what's coming. -She opened her eyes, with great difficulty and begged me to take care of Charlotte, I warned her that she would do that and she asked me to promise, because she couldn't take much more. When I promised, she was gone. Erin lets the tears roll down her face, Jay leans over and wipes them away.
He let her take her time to continue, having her emotions release as he remembered how sad the whole situation involving his little girl had been.
- Even with the promise, I didn't feel ready to be a mother, even though I was already attached to her, I wanted the best for her and I didn't feel that I was.
- I'm glad you changed your mind. - Jay smiles, he had no doubt that Erin was the best for the little one.
- She made me change my mind. - Erin smiles and wipes the tear. - We moved to Santa Monica and I was driving her to all her medical appointments. I was going to have protective custody of her until we found her father and she stopped treatments at the hospital. She had a whole team of doctors to deal with the drug in her body and to help her development, she had psychiatric follow-up and she was doing very well. But the day everything changed was when I went to pick her up, I had left her for some evaluations that she had to do alone and it was three days before her birthday and I went to buy her present, but when I came back and she saw me, she came running towards me and said "I miss you, mommy", she grabbed me and started to cry and I started to cry, because at that moment, I knew that I would never let her out of my sight. - Erin was crying to remember the moment and Jay was crying to hear that story.
Erin again needed some time to compose herself and Jay was in his thoughts, wanting life to make him be by her side in every step of that adoption.
- It was her birthday, but the gift was mine, I switched custody paperwork to full custody. She was crying for fear of abandonment and that's when I said that Mrs. Bee would be her comfort when I wasn't around. It was the first gift I gave her when I met her, but she grabbed it somehow and ever since I told her it was a way to always have me with her, she didn't let go, not until she met you. -Erin had more on her mind, but she didn't say anything else on the subject.
- Sorry... - He laughs.
- You have to stop apologizing, you did nothing but help me and sometimes I don't even know if I deserve it.
- You deserve it and so much. - Jay holds her hand and she doesn't let go.
- Nick and Tess came to SM, help me with her, they were a good villa and Marshall was wonderful with me. He said he was adopted out of protective custody when he was 7 and that it changed his life and that he would do anything for me to get Charlotte's. I moved there permanently, my life was there, my life was Charlotte. They wanted to make sure I had time for her, but at the time I was SSA, supervising special agent, I had a lot and that's when I got my promotion and became ASAC and had my own team. The pandemic arrived and everything happened so fast, but finally they gave me full custody of her, they looked for her family, because sometimes she would have someone to raise her with, but they didn't find anyone.
-I have no doubt that she would be hers anyway, I see the way she looks at you and the intensity that she loves you.
- Thanks.
- I stop apologizing if you stop thanking me. You have nothing to thank, I'm just saying what I see.
- But it still hurts to think about our baby.
- I know.
- I wouldn't change Charlotte for anything in this world, but I imagine them or her and him being brothers. They would be a few months apart and sometimes I wonder why he had to leave, I know we didn't plan or anything, but when I knew I loved him so much, knowing that I would have a part of you forever. - She stares at him feeling like she said too much, but Jay's look said the same.
- Ever since you told me, I haven't stopped imagining what he or she would be like, how our lives would be. Knowing I wasn't with you that day killed me Erin.
- You didn't know and it's not your fault for not knowing.
- Yes, I should have stayed at home, I shouldn't have broken my promise and abandoned you, I knew I had made the wrong choice when I walked through that door. - Jay shakes her hand.
- And why didn't you come back? I waited for you every day. - She confesses.
- I tried to be better for you, I didn't know if I deserved it. - Jay stares at her, ready to tell the truth. -I tried to get back to you, Erin I knew I had let you down ... I ...-It was a second, looking into her eyes and without knowing why he didn't say he was going to ask her to marry him. - It was too late.
They both stare at each other, a thousand thoughts, Erin never wanted to drag Jay into the hole she dug for herself. She had always loved him and she knew that love is letting go. Jay knew it too, but would he go with her? Looking at it today, he knows it did. They stare at each other, words from the past gnawing at their minds, but they never leave their lips.
They cut through the tense mood and finally enjoy their dinner, Erin updating him on Voight's condition and physical therapy. Initially in the hospital and probably every day of the week. She doesn't know what to do about it, she doesn't want to just leave him in the care of a nurse while she's in NY, but she can't lose this job and doesn't even think about going back to work in Chicago.
Jay wanted her back, Jay wanted her right there beside her, with Charlotte part of her life, he liked it that way, he preferred it that way. However, he didn't say anything, he kept it to himself, he knew he had no rights, he knew he couldn't take advantage of Erin in that vulnerable state with Hank in the hospital, he would have to keep his feelings and desires to himself. He knew the best idea for everyone was to walk away, but he couldn't, it was hard for him to keep his distance from them, he's spent so much time away that it's like he's somehow going to make up for lost time.
How many more times would they stare at each other, gazes going from eyes to lips, hands touching. The chemistry was there, it had always been there, it was always easy for them to have a subject, whether it was silly pranks or serious matters, they were always comfortable around each other, and they realized that no matter how much time they spent apart, it didn't seem to matter. changed that much. The flirtations and games with double meanings still existed in their minds, they just didn't know if they were ready for it.
Erin knew about Jay and Hailey and didn't really know what situation they were in, Jay said they broke up, but she saw them kissing around the time of Kim's kidnapping. She didn't understand and didn't even dare ask.
Jay was afraid of taking chances and losing everything again. He didn't know her feelings for him, it's okay that they kissed and he knew her well enough to know that that kiss moved her, he saw how she was moved and besides, she kissed him back, but he felt that risking it now would be going beyond being her friend and taking advantage of her vulnerability in the face of the whole situation. He would just be her friend.
They both thought about the kiss they had in Jay's kitchen, the almost kiss they had in the hotel kitchen and now that Jay was gone, they were both thinking that they should have bowed when it was time to say goodbye, that's what their hearts wanted, but they were being rational, could not.
The next day came, Erin went to visit Hank and his bad mood. He was yelling at a nurse who wanted to leave. He wasn't rude about the care and medication, but it was whenever they tried to help him do a basic task. For example urinating, no one said anything, but with his leg and broken ribs he couldn't move and it irritated him.
- I didn't know you had already become a grumpy old man. - Erin says when entering the room while he fights with a nurse.
- Don't you have to work? Do something? - He questions her irritably.
- Well, apparently my new job will have to supervise you and the treatment you are giving to the people who are helping you.
- I don't need help, I'm not a vegetable and not a child. - He grumbles.
- True, it's not really a child, my three-year-old daughter is much cooler than you and knows when she can't do things alone. - Erin approaches and the nurse walks away. - If you don't let them help you... - Erin moves his pillows to help him settle down better. - You will mold here and you will never go home, please cooperate. - She asks and smiles when she hears him apologize to LĂdia, the nurse. - Now your team is coming to visit you, pretend to be kind. - Erin laughs sarcastically and that is reciprocated by another sarcastic laugh.
- I don't even know what they're doing here. - Voight complains and when Erin opens her mouth to speak, someone speaks over it.
- Well, your team I don't know, in fact, I think they should keep their distance from you. - Chief O'nell enters the room catching the attention of Hank and Erin. - How's Sergeant Voight? One hell of an accident. - The man stares at him from top to bottom.
- What do you want, Patrick? - Hank glares at him.
- Well, your daughter got what she wanted, Agent North is no longer in the investigation, in fact neither is the FBI, we will investigate this ourselves. - He faces Voight knowing that the man knows what the subject is about. - In addition, you and your team are suspended until further notice. - The man finishes and leaves the room.
- What did you do? - He questions Erin.
- I just took North off the case, he had a lot of information and wanted you in exchange for keeping Jay and Hailey safe.
- And they didn't give me away? Jay, you didn't give it to me? Hank stares at her in shock.
- Jay may not agree 100% with the way you work, but he is loyal to you, loyal to his team.
Jay let the team know they were all suspended, they obviously questioned what he knew.
- They want to know about Dimitri's case, they wanted me to help them deliver Voight. Erin had some evidence about Agent North's crimes and helped. Now we have to keep waiting.
- When were you going to tell us? - Adam asks irritably.
- I needed to try to solve it instead of putting more people in it, you know how much I don't want you to harm yourself for something you didn't do.
- You did nothing and almost harmed yourself. - Kevin counters.
- But I was wanted, not you.
- But we are a team, or so we thought. - Kim says upset.
- And we are, but there are things that you'd better stay out of so you don't get hit. Remember Rixton? We judged him, he didn't know anything, but we judged him and so he just did his job and that's how you guys should act, just do your job, we didn't cross the line, we didn't go further than police work, so there's no reason for you to get complicated. - Jay says and the others are calmer, they agree with Jay.
- But don't leave us in the dark, we are a team. - Adam gets up and taps Jay on the shoulder. When the room is empty, Hailey walks over.
- Hey...
- Hey...
- You're moving away from me. -Hailey with her hair just washed and dried naturally, no makeup and apparently no sleep she says.
- Hailey, there's a lot going on, we're trying to work it all out, not lose our wits. - He speaks.
- You and Erin...
- And you! I didn't leave you in the dark, I was honest with you, can you say the same? - He stares at her, betrayal written on her face.
- I just miss you, I've been so scared and so alone...
- Hailey...
- You're the one I'm more intimate with here Jay, we've always been friends, I know I was wrong with you, but I need a friend so much now.
That night Jay and Hailey left the precinct together, he knew she was in bad shape and as hurt as he was with her, they were still friends and Jay knew she couldn't be alone. She obviously didn't tell him, but he knew she was drinking. He was still checking on her and waiting for her to eat to make sure she didn't pass out. He knew how much guilt could consume someone, he was living proof of that and he would never want Hailey to fall into a deep hole.
- You saved him. - Jay says.
- The gun was out of ammo. - She claims.
- You didn't know that.
- I followed him.
- You just wanted him to stop that. You know and I know your intentions were the best, you were defending Voight, it's not like Dimitri was a saint or an innocent.
- Voight is not a saint either. - Hailey says and takes a sip of her drink.
- But you knew that, you knew that he would look for answers to Kim's whereabouts, you have to learn that you made a decision, you can't go back and it's gone. We've all made mistakes. - He reassures her.
- You look at me with anger. She looks at him with teary eyes.
- I'm not angry, I'm upset, you betrayed my trust. You ask me to marry you and you don't tell me what you've done! How do you want to get into a relationship if you're not even honest with me? - He questions.
- I was afraid of what he would think of me and that look...
- No, that look is for the lie, I would never doubt your character Hailey, I trusted you and I found out the truth from who I don't trust, what does that tell me? - He questions her.
- Jay, I know I made a mistake, but I think we should try one more time...
- Hailey, I don't want to hurt you, but I think it's better that we remain just friends, you don't have to worry, I'll always be here for you and...
- Yes, as you have been the last few days... Jay, every time Erin is here you move away, as if there is only her...
- Is not true.
- You walked away from me, Erin left without saying a word and you do everything for her. I do not understand this. - She says, hurt evident in her voice.
- Hailey... - Jay sighs. - I don't want to get into this with you. I have a history with Erin, just like we have a history together, I don't keep talking about you to her and I don't talk about her to you. I'm telling you that I have my reasons for supporting you, in the same way that I'm saying that I'm here for you. - He says and she looks at him. - I love you, Hailey... I never want anything bad to happen to you...
- You don't love me like I love you, Jay. - Hailey has her eyes filled with tears. - You never said those words while we were in a relationship and I know you love me for our friendship and...
- Hailey...
- I need to go. - Hailey quickly gets up from the table and leaves.
At that moment Jay didn't know what to say, it was true. He loved her, but it wasn't a lover's love, he loved her as her friend, he loved her for everything they lived together and everything they went through together, but he didn't love her as someone he saw the future together. And there was only one person he thought of that, but he wasn't ready to admit that to himself.
The next day was Hank Voight's first attempt at physical therapy. He was completely stressed and no matter what Doctor Salvatore said he was still screaming and complaining.
- If I'm going to call you just Erin, please just call me Ian. - Doctor Salvatore says while walking outside the hospital with Erin.
After trying to work with Hank Voight, the man asked Erin out for coffee. He introduced her to a food truck where the coffee tasted much better than the hospital machine.
- All good. - Erin laughs and they sit on an outdoor bench.
- You know, I've dealt with a lot of seniors, but your dad...
- Well, Hank was always a difficult man to deal with, he always did everything for himself, he doesn't like to ask or need help. - Erin thinks about everything he always tried to do alone.
- Was it always just the two of you? - Ian asks, but soon regrets it. - I'm sorry, I don't want to invade your privacy and...
- It's actually more complicated than that. - Erin faces him and tries to be as kind as possible. - His wife and son have passed away. - Ian doesn't let go unnoticed the way she says wife and son and not mother and her brother, but he doesn't need to ask, because she continues. - I'm not his daughter, but it's like we were father and daughter. -She explains and her tone makes it clear to him that she doesn't want to get into that subject.
- It's great to know he has you by his side. - The man says kindly. - Can I ask you something? - He asks not wanting to abuse her goodwill. - Are you Erin Voight? I don't want to make any more mistakes. - He says awkwardly.
-Erin Lindsay. Erin smiles and holds out her hand to him and he smiles back.
- Ian Salvatore, it's a pleasure. - He squeezes her hand and is relieved that she wasn't angry at the questions.
- Do you think you can make any progress with it? - Erin asks.
- Yes. It may take a while and tomorrow I want to test something with you. - He says and Erin stares at him curiously.
- Let's try one more time with you inside, but then I want to try with him alone. I don't know if he doesn't want you to see him vulnerable or if you're the one making him at least try. - He says and Erin nods.
- Whatever helps him get better, I'm willing to do. - Erin says and he nods.
- I don't want to take up too much of your time. You must have very important things to do and...
- Actually, you're right, I have to pick up my daughter at a friend's house and...
- You have a daughter? -He thinks and doesn't know if he wants to pretend he didn't see her yesterday or tell the truth, but he decides on the latter option. -Actually yesterday I saw you with a girl in your arms, but it was so fast that he didn't know if she was her daughter or not. Erin smiles and nods.
- Yes it is my daughter. Her name is Charlotte, I have to pick her up and ...-Erin stops her words when she notices Patrick O'Neill passing by the entrance. She knew where he was going and by the looks of it it looked like something had happened. - I'm sorry, I need to go to Hank. -She says getting up and leaving the cup of coffee with Ian as she runs after the man.
Ian saw where she was looking and decided to follow her.
- You have no evidence. - Voight says.
- You know it's not a problem for us to find it. - Patrick says.
- What do you want? - Hank could barely move and it sucked to be lying in that hospital bed not being able to do much.
- I want you to hand over the badge and leave intelligence, resign. Or else we release the evidence we have and not only you but your entire team will be finished. - O'Neill says, Erin arrived in these last few minutes. This was an ultimatum, it's over for Hank Voight or him alone or the whole team, what would his choice be? Could he get out of this?
"Your whole world has been transformed. You realize that the ground beneath you has changed. Things are uncertain. And there is no turning back. The world around you is different now. Unrecognizable and there is nothing you can do about it. You are stuck. The future is in front of you. And you're not sure you like what you see. Like I said, I'm not a big fan of change."
- Grey's Anatomy
