Chapter 21: The right thing

"Your whole world has been transformed. You realize that the ground beneath you has changed. Things are uncertain. And there is no turning back. The world around you is different now. Unrecognizable and there is nothing you can do about it. You are stuck. The future is in front of you. And you're not sure you like what you see. Like I said, I'm not a big fan of change."

- Grey's Anatomy

After Patrick O'Neil leaves the room, Erin enters. She caught the end of the conversation and glared at Hank. She puts her hand on her hip and runs her tongue between her lips and bites the bottom one as they both process the information.

Ian followed, but out of respect for their privacy he kept his distance, he didn't know what it was so he went back to work.

After a long time standing still and processing, it was Erin who broke the silence, which didn't do much good.

- Hank...

- I need to be alone. - He says.

- But...

- I need to be alone, Erin. - Voight says and knowing that she wouldn't have much else to do, she decides to leave.

It was already late and past the time she had promised Kim that she would pick up her daughter, he felt guilty for not letting her know, but when he picked up the cell phone he saw the message from both Kim and Jay.

Notification

Kim: I called Jay to find out about you and he said he would come by and pick you up.

Jay: Hope you don't mind, I picked up Charlotte from Kim's house, figured she was busy with Voight.

Jay: I just picked her up. Let's go to the hospital and wait for you.

(Photo of Charlotte grimacing in her car seat)

Jay: Let's buy food, don't leave without letting us know.

Jay: We got burritos, hope you're in the mood for burritos, Charlotte said you love them.

(Photo of them eating burritos in the car)

Jay: Car burrito day!

Erin left Voight's room, worried about what she heard and frustrated with him for always leaving her in the dark. It was like nothing ever changed with that man. She was irritated and just picked up her cell phone to call Kim. She hadn't imagined that a string of text messages and pictures would be something that would take her stress away in a minute. She smiled and soon hurried to meet them, mainly because if Jay sent one more message she would be sad, because she was already jealous that they were having fun together. Erin walked through the door to the hospital and hit send Jay a message.

- Where are you? I've just left. -EL

Once the message arrives, she gets the reply with Jay flashing his headlight, he was right in front of her, not too far away. She smiles and walks towards his car. When she arrives, she opens the passenger door to find her daughter sitting in front with a super paper that she imagines is the burrito itself, on her legs, so she could eat without making a mess.

- Mommy! - Charlotte shouts excitedly. She's got gravy all over her mouth, her clothes have some leftover food on her, and her paper has more burrito than Erin imagined had gotten into her mouth, however, Erin managed to notice that she had a plastic tray, with what she imagine baked and stuffed potatoes, right next to them and Jay shared the girl's burrito, probably already knowing that she wouldn't be able to eat it all.

- Is this the car burrito party? - Erin says as soon as she faces them.

- Yessss! - Charlotte shouts excitedly.

- You are right. -Jay says smiling at Erin that she responded very well to all of this. - To be a member, you have to like burrito. - Jay says and Charlotte nods excitedly.

- Oh, so I think I can be a VIP member of this club that is my favorite now. - Erin speaks and both she and Jay laugh at Charlotte, dirty with burrito, licking her hands, dirty with sauce.

Erin with Jay's help, clean Charlotte up so she can get in the car and eat too.

- How was your day? - Jay asks.

- Mommy, how was your day? - Charlie rephrases the question.

Erin looks at Jay, her gaze already answering him who just nods while Erin has another answer for her daughter.

- Hm... Let me think, pretty boring, since I didn't have a foodie princess with me. How was your day?

While Erin ate, Charlotte told her everything she had done. Erin was amazed at how her daughter and Jay were getting along so well, but she knew she shouldn't be surprised coming from Jay, he had been like that since she'd known him.

After everyone eats in the hospital parking lot, Erin cleans her daughter up and puts her in the back seat while Jay cleans up the mess they made and throws the wrappers in the trash.

Erin always left her daughter's car seat with Kim, since she didn't have a car in Chicago and was always either carpooling or using an app. Which helped Jay a lot when it came to picking up the girl.

He'd been having some down time since they'd been taken off the case, but they still went to intelligence every day to see if they could do anything, but Jay always ended the day ready to pick up Erin and Charlie, so yeah, he was glad Erin had taken so long today, because he doesn't know what excuse he would have given to meet with them if it weren't for that.


As they've done before, Jay enters Erin's hotel, but unlike the first time there was a fully hyperactive Charlotte, they were now dealing with a sleepy Charlotte. In some situations Erin let the girl sleep exactly as she was, but she had some sauce in her mouth and her clothes were very dirty, she needed a shower.

Jay waited on the bench like the last time, he even thought about just leaving them and leaving, but Erin asked him to stay. She wanted to talk to him and he nodded.

As a few days ago he saw Erin leaving with the girl in her arms, but she was quiet, Jay figured she wouldn't take long to sleep this time. And he was right. Erin didn't even stay in the room for long, changed her daughter and read a story. Charlotte still hadn't slept when she left, but Erin figured she would fall asleep soon.


Erin approaches Jay, she doesn't know if she should share what she heard with him or not, but she was already tired of secrets, so she decided that she would go without telling.

- I see that this time she didn't give you a bath. - Jay smiles as Erin pulls up a chair and sits down next to him.

- A miracle. - She laughs. - This is life with a child at home, you never know what you're going to find. - They both laugh. - And thanks again for everything you're doing. I know I said I didn't need to keep thanking you, but you're doing way more than you should for us, so thank you. - Lindsay says leaning over and putting her hand on Jay's arm.

- I'm doing this for you, but it's a little for me too. Charlotte is a good distraction to deal with these days. You have a rare gem in there. -He points to her room and then puts his hand over hers that is on her arm.

- Well, she is also enjoying spending the day at Kim's house and the end of the afternoon with you. - Erin counts. They look at each other and Jay smiles at her comment, but soon realizes that she has more to say.

- And how was it with Hank? - And if he had any doubts, her gaze and deep breath became the silent answer. - What happened? - He stares at her. Erin takes her hand away from Jay and runs her hands over her face, tired of this new problem. Jay doesn't say anything, he knows she's processing everything and putting the day together so she can tell him.

- He's fine, it was the first physiotherapy session, but always fighting with everyone, with his sour mood.

- I know well... - Jay laughs lightly, he knows his boss well.

- But then, at night, O'Neill went to his room and gave him an ultimatum, either he leaves or the whole team falls. - She tells, but Jay doesn't seem to be surprised. - Did you already know? She questions him curiously, maybe the man said the same in the district.

- Not really, but I'm not surprised to be honest, they've wanted Voight's head for years, since I joined that's it, now they're having more chances. - Jay snorts. - And what did Voight say? - He asks.

- What do you think? - She looks at him with an angry and frustrated face.

- Told you to go away... typical.

- You know. - She rolls her eyes.

- And what are we going to do? - He asks.

- For now, I have no idea, I'm already here, mainly with this pleasure of leaving me in the dark about these things, I have a job in NY and my daughter has a life there, I came here to help, but as always he don't let me in. - She says irritated.

- Hey... but I'm sure he's happy to have you here. - Jay says, he knows that, because that's how he feels too. - Also, Voight will want to solve this himself, but he will definitely tell you, because he hasn't been able to do much lately. - Jay says something that Erin agrees with.

- Thank you, for being here, for everything you're doing for me and Charlie... - She says, her eyes tired but grateful.

- There's no other place I'd rather be. - He returns the look.

This tense atmosphere was new to them. Before, it was easy to detect sexual tension in the room, not least because both had interests, but could not be together. Now they didn't even know what they felt and what feelings they could or couldn't feel, admitting it to themselves was already being a big challenge. They were afraid that their feelings for each other would surface after so long, so they avoided thinking about it as much as possible.

However, moments like these it was hard for Lindsay not to get emotional with how attentive he was being or how much she was enjoying Jay stopping by to pick her up with Charlotte always excited and telling her how her day was. It had only been two days and she was holding back from not liking this very much. Same for Halstead, he didn't want to let his mind go that this was all he envisioned in his future with Erin, picking up his daughter from the school and then picking up Lindsay somewhere and having these family moments. However, they were two adults, they both knew this was real life, not fairy tales. Each had their own lives, and they didn't include each other in them.

Even knowing that, the look of affection between them didn't cease to be present, it didn't make the atmosphere any less heavy as once again they both leaned in, because the truth was that no matter how much they tried to deny it, it was as if their bodies were magnets and connect to each other without them having control over it. Well, if they weren't going to stop, someone else would.

- Mommy... - Charlotte appears in the room.

Erin and Jay nearly jump out of their chairs, startled by the girl's sudden appearance.

- My God... - Erin whispers only to herself, but Jay heard. - My love... weren't you sleeping? - Lindsay asks getting up and scratching her head awkwardly.

- No, I wanted to be with Jay. -She tells and Erin imagines that her daughter had all the time in the world to enter the room, but of course it had to be right now. Kids really do have the perfect timing for this and as frustrated as she was she was grateful her daughter would do this, she couldn't let herself get carried away, soon enough she was going back to NY and they weren't two teenagers who couldn't handle it, at least she thought so.

- Hey princess, I need to go and you need to go to sleep. - Jay appears behind Erin, just the feel of their bodies so close already causes tingling in her guts. Jay decides to leave, it was already getting embarrassing for them to have this moment and apologizing would only confirm the tension even more, so the best thing was to just pretend insanity and that nothing had happened, because really nothing had happened, it just almost happened.

- Are you picking me up tomorrow and we'll do burrito day again? - She asks, her little eyes shining and he didn't even think about denying it, even if it was a dangerous path.

- Hmmm let's see, if I pick you up tomorrow, I think we can do something different, you do the following, dream about it and tell me what you dreamed of and that will be what we are going to do tomorrow, agreed? - Jay asks and she nods excitedly.

- Great little monster, already to bed. - Erin slaps her butt, but she smiles and runs to Jay to give him a hug.

- Good night, Jay. See you tomorrow. -She says in her arms and he kisses the top of her head, feeling the strawberry scent of her freshly washed hair.

- Good night, babygirl. Sweet dreams. - He says and puts her on the ground.

Charlotte rushes into the bedroom with the promise that Lindsay will join her soon. Erin escorts Jay to the door, both of them pretending nothing had happened, it was just as well.

- I'll see Hank tomorrow and try to figure something out and I'll let you know as soon as possible. - Erin says.

- Erin, thank you so much for being honest with me...

- I'm tired of lies Jay, of losing the people I care about just for stupid secrets, when I said I was willing to be more present with you I was serious.

- And I'm grateful for that, we all are. - He says and they both smile. - And thanks for letting me pick up Charlotte, she's so much fun. - He smiled.

- I appreciate it, you're making her day and distract her enough so I can focus on Voight. - She says.

- Whenever you need. - He squeezes her shoulder. - Let me go, let's see what her dream will tell us tomorrow. - He says ready to go, but stops as soon as Erin speaks.

- If she dreams of ice cream, you will take care of her this time. - She jokes and he pretends he didn't hear. They both say goodbye one more time before Erin closes the door.


Erin woke up the next day ready to go to Hank and she was willing to leave with just answers this time but it wasn't necessary as as he left Charlotte with Kim he sent her a text saying they needed to talk, for the first time he was willing to share things with her, at least that's how she thought.

However, that's not exactly what happened, yes, he shared things with her, but as usual she had the noose around her neck.

- You can't be serious... - Erin paces the space of the hospital room.

- Erin...

- You told me to go away and never look back... - She bites her lip, pacing even more.

- I know...

- I can't... I... I have a life in NY, a team that depends on me... I... Charlotte... Charlotte's life is there, no, I can't Hank, you you can't ask me that. No... - She stops walking and stares at him. - You can not do it with me. - She says, her anxiety was less frequent since she started working with Marshall, she had a few episodes after Charlie came into her life, but when she realized that she needed to be well for her daughter she went to therapy for a while and managed to calm down, but since everything about Chicago just came back into her life she felt like she needed to come back after everything she was going through.

- Erin, calm down...

- I can't even, I got expelled, I lost my badge here and...

Voight had been trying to speak for a few minutes now, but it was impossible because Erin wouldn't let him. -I know I said not to come back, but it's temporary. Until I recover...

- Hank... - Erin covers her mouth, not knowing what to do or think.

- Listen to me, I called Marshall and the Ivory Tower, just to see if it would work. The ivory tower said they would accept you... well, you would pass some tests, but we all know I'll bounce back. Marshall just didn't call you because I asked him to, he didn't accept it at first, but he said that this was a decision you should make. You will not lose your job in NY, there is a relationship between the police that allows you to catch an agent or officer for a certain period of time. Ivory Tower told me you tried to rehire to work for them, didn't you? - Erin just stares at him.

Months ago when the Ivory Tower asked for a meeting with Erin they said that they made a mistake and that they were too radical with her and that they were willing to have her back working with them, but she refused. She never told anyone this, as she didn't want to think about it, but here it was.

- I know I have no right to ask this of you, but think how it will be if they take me away... Erin, intelligence can be undone, I know I don't use the best methods, but think about what can happen to our officers and detectives... As much as they are hired, they are marked as my followers, or they will be demoted and humiliated, in addition to being persecuted, or they will think they are corrupt and try to take them down that path. I swear if I have to, I'll stay in this bed for a month if you make me get out quicker to take back control, but I need you, you rank above me, they won't put one of ours there, they won't allow that a detective take over, I thought about asking Jay to take over, but he can't. I need you to do this please...

As much as Voight had some points about it, Erin was against it and she was scared of what it would mean. It was hard to leave, it was almost impossible, she started over, she was a new Erin Lindsay, she was afraid of regressing, that was a problem.

- I can't... I can't Hank. - She literally is.

- Please...

- I need to think, I need some air. - She says and leaves the room without waiting for him to say anything.


Erin didn't know what to do, didn't know where to go, she needed to calm down, she needed to think. That was a risk, it was going back to a path she'd fought her way out of.

After calming down a bit she decides to go to a place that meant a lot to her. The bridge where she said goodbye to Chicago. She walked across the bridge and decided to go down to the lake. With her bare feet in the sand, the brunette thinks about her life, it's as if a movie were playing in her mind. What was she supposed to do? Did she have any choice?

Everything in Erin's life was difficult, every path, every step, every thought of not being enough, of not being loved, of not deserving to be loved, of not belonging, of not deserving of living. Everything Erin had ever wanted or struggled to have at some point was taken away from her. She learned to live with the pain, she learned that she didn't deserve to have the perfect life because she was born into bad, whenever something good happened, something worse came and destroyed everything, she was always there, waiting for another shoe to drop, she was waiting for something to happen. bad would happen whenever a good feeling happened.

Her life has always been like this, why would it be different? Because when she was taken in by Hank, she felt loved, for the first time, she felt like she had a family, but then death came and took them away from her. It was early, it was unfair, why good people left so early? When she felt that she made a difference that reciprocated the kindness and love she received, once again death came and took another person from her life, in such a cruel and painful way. And then one more love, one that grew over time, one that she ran away from for a long time and when she finally decided to surrender to that feeling, that which she believed to be unique and special, that would bring with it a fruit of that love , which would be a new beginning, ended up being ripped from her once again. At every point in her life, every decision, every moment, she lost someone in such a painful way that she wondered how she was still standing.

Charlotte was the only certainty in her life at the moment, her biggest fear that something bad would happen. As if life was so cruel as to snatch her daughter away from her, in a way that would be the last straw for Erin. NY with Charlotte and a job in child crime, she felt it was another chance to start over, one of the thousands she's had. She was like a phoenix, she was reborn stronger and stronger, but she was still fragile, she was still very hurt.

Erin felt like a broken vase that had been put back together, the pieces would never again be perfect, not even with the most perfect glue, the holes in the pieces that would no longer fit, could never be replaced, but she was being strong, she wouldn't give up and she fought, she was stubborn, she was a warrior and she hoped that something good should come of it, because if not, what's the point? Why still live? Why still fight?

What was the meaning of life taking her dream job, the most perfect man she met, the fruit of their love and the city where she had her good and bad times for 5 years and then made her come back? What was the test this time? Was it some kind of unfunny joke? Was life toying with her once more? It was painful to go through it over and over again, remembering it, reliving it, feeling it all hurt.

Her thoughts are racing, which path should she take, which decision was the right one, why was this coming back to her?

Time passed, Erin Lindsay thought, she needed to make a decision, needed to say yes or no and when she made that decision she prayed to all the saints that she was making the right decision, prayed that she wasn't making a mistake.

After two hours sitting thinking about what she should do and what next step she would take in her life, Erin gets up, she knew she was the owner of herself, the owner of her own life, no one had the right to decide for her and she wants what was, it should be the best for her, however selfish it was, but she couldn't lose control now, she couldn't let herself go, but she also knew that from now on, the control of her life was solely and exclusively her decision .

She ordered an uber to take her back to the hospital, she was ready to face Hank, she was ready to give him an answer. She took control of her life back and was confident.

Hank was sleeping and when he heard Erin's voice he woke up and faced her.

- I already have an answer for you...

"You know how people say... Who knows? Can I get run over tomorrow? It may seem unlikely. Until you have a friend who got run over. The thing is, we never know what kind of day we're going to have. Whenever we think we know the future, even for a second... it changes. Sometimes the future changes quickly and completely. And we are left with the choice of what to do next. We can choose to be afraid of him. Stand still, shaking, not moving. Thinking the worst will happen. Or let's go forward... Into the unknown. And believe... that it will be brilliant."

- Grey's Anatomy


A/N: Don't kill me, I know it was short and with an uncool cliffhanger, but I needed to hook you up somehow. Well, if anyone thinks that for Erin to say yes is the right answer, remember that Hank has always controlled her, so saying yes could remain under his control, but we know how much Erin cares about her team and how much she is always trying to save everyone. What do you think she's going to do? Which way do you think I'm going to take this story? Yes, we are in Chicago, but remember that Jay left Chicago in the series and my mind is very creative hahaha. I'm not just attached to Chicago, but is NY really their place? Maybe California? We won't know until the next chapter that for everyone's happiness it's already written and translated, just post it. I marked it to post in a week, I can promise because it's ready, but if you ask a lot, comment a lot and vote maybe I'll bring it in less time...

So which way do you think we're going. Erin stay or Erin go? Will we have a story set in Chicago, NY or California? Or even a mixture of states. Place your bets and leave your thoughts in the comments. I hope you enjoyed. See you for another chapter for a maximum of 7 days haha. Kisses, thanks for being with me even though I'm not very present, it means the world to me.