A/N: Please note that other triggering content (self-harm and suicide will be discussed) throughout the story. Please be forewarned and take precautions if these are troubling for you.
A/N: Violence towards a primary character is mentioned/discussed in this chapter. Please be forewarned if that is troubling for you.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who has continued to read, post comments, and offer feedback on this story, as well as put up with the very long delay in getting this latest chapter up. The next couple of chapters may take a little bit of time as I am still trying to recover from COVID, and that is taking a little longer than I would prefer. That being said, as long as everyone is still interested in the story, I will continue to update as frequently as possible.
Thank you again for everyone who continues to comment on this story…The positive reviews definitely help keep me and my stubborn muse motivated…so keep them coming!
***More drama and more secrets revealed***
I hope you enjoy this latest chapter…Now on with the show!
"It is the false shame of fools to try to conceal wounds that have not healed." ~ Horace
"Don't let your wounds make you become someone you're not." ~ Demi Moore
Something Feels Off
I hear a soft knock on the door again, and see Dr. Hayes walk back through the door. "Are you ready to go now Emily?"
Let's just hope this surgery works. I know JJ is going to be super pissed if, or more likely when, she finds out I had surgery instead of some standard tests while she was gone. Not that she could have done anything but wait and pace around the hospital during a surgery either. I just know she misses Henry and if she waited around here, she would've missed an opportunity to spend time with him. Who knows how long I'll be stuck here, if the surgery will actually work or not, and if I can find any opportunity to get her to leave again to see him. This way, regardless of what happens during the surgery, I'll know at least she got to see him for a little while. I'll just deal with whatever happens after the surgery whenever I wake up.
"Yeah...I'm ready. Let's get this over with."
"Did you finally tell JJ you were having surgery?" Dr. Hayes inquires.
"No…I told her that you were taking me for some standard tests so you could determine how much longer I needed to stay in the hospital. If the surgery goes well, hopefully she won't ever need to know I had it. If she finds out about it, I'll deal with that then. If the surgery doesn't fix everything, I'll just have to deal with that later too. That's if she doesn't run away from me when she realizes what a complete mess I am."
"You really think that after all of this time, and after everything that JJ has done to try and help you, that she would run away from you now?" Dr. Hayes asks, quirking her eyebrows upward.
"She has run away from me before…for far less than what I am going through right now." I softly reply.
"I usually don't interfere or say anything about my patient's personal lives, but I am going to make an exception in this case. I don't think you are giving her enough credit. I can see how much she loves you. Everyone on the staff can. Hopefully you will be able to as well." Dr. Hayes softly replies before continuing. "As for the surgery, if something goes wrong, am I allowed to inform your kids or JJ that you were having surgery today, or did you want me to continue to evade the questions they have for me?" Dr. Hayes questions, a little irritation beginning to form in her voice.
"I realize you don't like lying to anyone, or as you put it, evading their questions, so I guess it would depend on the situation. If it is something you all can fix or whatever…just do that. That way they won't need to know anything happened and I can answer any questions they have later. If someone else needs to be involved for whatever reason…then it would be okay to let JJ know at that point. But only in the case of something catastrophic that you all can't resolve on your own. I don't want her to know about this unless she has to. But just let JJ know. She would know if it is something that is safe to let my kids know about or not. I suppose if you can't reach her for some reason, let Garcia or someone else on my team know they need to find JJ and they can track her down. That way, my kids won't be frightened and JJ would be the only one to find out what was really going on. If they still can't locate her for some reason, then you can let my kids know. The only other people that I would allow to make any kind of medical decisions for me would be listed on my emergency contact list. Those would be some of my family members and some of the members of my team, but obviously, that would only be as a last resort."
"Okay…well, I have JJ's contact information as well as the contact information for your kids. Your son gave it to me earlier when your kids were leaving. I am sure we have the contact information for everyone else, and I know your team is right across the hall from your room. So, if we need to, we can send someone there to reach out to JJ, your kids, or someone from your emergency contact list if something were to occur. Just to verify though, I should only contact them if something catastrophic occurs during your surgery, and for no other reason?" Dr. Hayes asks.
"Yeah. Only call them if it is something major, but I don't want them to have specific details if you can keep that information from them. Obviously, with the kind of injuries I have, and am trying to fix with this surgery, I don't want everyone knowing about it. So, the less people that know about all of this" I wave my hand over my pelvic region "the better."
"Okay…well…let's get all of your equipment switched over so we can get this all started for you. Did you have any questions for me before we start?" Dr. Hayes asks. I hear a soft knock on the door and see Chloe walk in behind Dr. Hayes.
"Just one. I know Dr. Stone will be trying to fix some of the scars that I have during the surgery if she has time, along with the more obvious problems I have going on. Can you find out from her if she can try to do something about the brand I have here?" I motion towards the brand Ian gave me. "As well as the larger scare I have here?" I motion towards the scar from the table leg from my fight with Ian."
"I believe she was planning on trying to address both of those, along with some other scars you have as well, but I can check with her before we begin to make sure. Did you have any other questions?" Dr. Hayes softly replies.
"Nope. Let's just get this over with."
"Okay then. Chloe is going to help me get all of your equipment switched over to the mobile versions and we'll get you downstairs."
I watched as they disconnected everything from the main stack and hooked everything back up to the hospital bed so they could move the bed with all of the mobile equipment attached. They slowly moved the bed out of the room, and as I was pushed out into the hall, I noticed Garcia, Morgan, Reid, Rossi, and Hotch all standing near my door. I wasn't expecting all of them to be standing there. Apparently JJ had asked them to keep a close eye on me and they are keeping their word to her.
"We'll all be right here when you get back, Princess." Morgan softly says.
I nod in reply so he knows I heard him. Then I close my eyes so the movement of the bed doesn't make me nauseous. After a few minutes, I arrive in the operating room. I see a white covered figure, but when I hear the voice, I know it is Dr. Stone.
"Are you ready to start, Emily?"
"As ready as I will ever be." I quietly reply.
A chill runs through me. This room is stark white, with blinding lights all around me, equipment of all kinds everywhere, and several people wearing either all white or blue scrubs standing around. They help slide me over to the operating table, and I notice that it is extremely cold in this room.
"We have a few more pieces of equipment we need to hook up to you, Emily" I hear Dr. Stone say, as I feel the operating table being lowered to a flat position. Not the most comfortable feeling, considering my pain meds have already worn off.
"One of those isn't a heating blanket, is it? It's freezing in here." I attempt to joke…partially to distract from the pain I am feeling, but also because it's very cold in this room.
I hear one of the surgical technicians laugh softly, and Dr. Hayes, who has joined the group, reply "Sorry, Emily…no heating blanket.
I notice one of the surgical technicians has started to cut away at the bandages covering the worst of my injuries, "can you stop that…at least until I am knocked out…please. I don't want to see what you are doing or feel it either."
I noticed, from my peripheral vision, Dr. Hayes place a hand gently on someone's arm and the feeling of the bandages being removed stopped. Dr. Hayes says "that's fine Emily. We're about ready to start anyway. Here…" I see an oxygen mask being placed over my face "just start breathing through this mask. It just has oxygen in it for now." I feel a few random touches on various parts of my body, but realize that they must've already added something to my IV bag since I am getting very sleepy. "Just count backwards from 100 for me, Emily. Can you do that?" I hear Dr. Hayes ask.
Odd question…of course I can. Or I thought I could. Things are getting a little fuzzy though. Let's see here…"Uh…100…99…98…97…" Yep…they definitely put something in that IV. Where was I in that counting…."96…95…94…" Let me just close my eyes for a second…really tired.
When I walked out of Emily's room, I had an odd feeling of dread come over me. Something just felt off about the whole situation. I know Emily was keeping something from me, but I just wasn't sure what it was. She knew more about those 'standard' tests than she was telling me, but I really couldn't push her too much on that.
She has been through so much already. If I pushed her too far, she might shut down completely. When she came into the hospital, she was completely catatonic. She is talking, laughing, and joking around with me a little bit now. Even though she freaked out a little bit when she accidently grabbed my jeans earlier.
It seemed like she was scared of something, but unless the tests were more serious than she was letting on, that doesn't make any sense. I would stay around here, but Will and Henry are expecting me. I need to make sure someone is keeping an eye on what is really going on here so I can rush back if something goes wrong.
I make my way over to the room where the team has been staying and make eye contact with Garcia and Morgan. I nod my head towards the hall and they both stand and make their way to the hall, probably faster than normally would have.
"What's wrong Kitten?" Garcia's quick reply.
"Did something happen?" Morgan's panicked question.
"Sorry…I didn't mean to scare you guys. I just didn't feel like talking to everyone right now. I just wanted to see if you guys can keep an eye on Emily for me. I am going to run out for a bit to visit Henry. Emily is having some 'standard' tests" I use air quotes around standard again, and roll my eyes, denoting my irritation at my lack of information, and continue "and those are supposed to take a few hours. Emily insisted I take that time to spend with Henry instead of wondering around the hospital waiting on her."
"Sounds like Em." Garcia replied, nodding.
"You don't sound happy about it, Jayje." Morgan softly replies.
"Don't get me wrong, Morgan. I'm looking forward to seeing Henry. I've missed him so much. But something about these tests makes me anxious. I have no idea what tests she is having done. Plus, Em has this specialist that I have no idea what she really does or really anything about her. Her, Dr. Hayes, and this specialist are all being so vague with all of their answers. It's just weird. It's making me nervous. Maybe I am overthinking everything, but I feel like I am missing a piece of the puzzle or something." I quietly reply. I realize I sound paranoid, but I can't help this fear in the pit of my stomach that keeps growing larger by the minute.
"Well, it makes sense JJ. Emily has been so secretive recently. And given everything we've found out about her in the last few days, being suspicious about her keeping more secrets makes perfect sense." Morgan replies.
"What is the specialist's name?" Garcia replies, pulling out a notepad from her purse.
"Dr. Stone."
"Do you know anything else about her?" Garcia continues.
"Not really. I tried to find out, but Emily keeps evading my questions. The only thing I know was that Dr. Hayes contacted her about Emily's case because Dr. Stone was some kind of specialist and could help on her case."
"Let me see what I can find out for you while you are visiting Henry." Garcia smiles as she continues "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about."
"And we'll all keep an eye on Emily for you. We'll let you know if anything happens or if you need to come back for any reason. But Emily was right that you should spend time with Henry. It'll do you good to get out of this place for a little while and get some fresh air."
"Thanks guys…I really appreciate." I softly reply. "I won't be long."
"Try not to worry too much, kitten. We'll all be here to keep an eye on everything while you are gone. Just try to enjoy your time with that precious little man of yours." Garcia replies with a wink and smile.
"Make sure to call me if anything happens…no matter how minor though…okay?"
"Absolutely…now go…before Henry wonders where you are." Morgan smiles and shoos me out the door softly with his both of his hands.
