***this chapter has elements of the Christian Faith in it***

SMK Chapter 16 (Day 7)

Lee knocked on Billy's office door. "Come..." he heard from inside and opened the door.

"Scarecrow," Billy smiled at him. "What can I do for you?"

Lee assumed his usual place in the tweed chair in front of Billy's desk. "Billy," he looked down at his hands, then back up at his friend and boss. "We've got an, uh..." he took a deep breath and blew it out. "...an unexpected complication."

Billy stood up from his desk, came around to the front of it, and propped his hips on the edge of it right in front of Lee. "What's going on, Lee? Where's Amanda?"

"She's safe. She's in the bolt hole. Taking a nap, actually. Francine's in the office as well." He looked down at his hands again.

Billy sighed with relief, but Lee still looked uptight. "So, what's wrong?"

"Well," Lee let out another sigh. "You know how Amanda's been feeling so tired the past couple of months?"

"Yes," Billy started feeling his chest tighten with worry. Amanda was special, and he really cared about both her and Lee. He knew she seemed to be having a difficult time recovering from her gunshot wound, but...

"Well, I finally insisted that she go down and see Doc Kelford."

"And? She's okay, isn't she?"

"Yeah, she's fine." Lee looked down.

Billy let out another sigh of relief. "Well, then Scarecrow, what's the problem?"

Lee looked up at him. "She's pregnant, Billy." Billy's jaw literally dropped, and Lee nodded. "Yeah, that's about how I feel. Actually, I think that's about how she feels, too."

Billy sat slowly in the chair next to Lee. Neither of them said anything for several moments as Lee continued his unfocused perusal of his own hands.

Finally, he looked up. "I don't know what to do, Billy." Lee leaned back in the chair and looked up at the ceiling. "I didn't think the stakes could get any higher..." he looked back at Billy. "...but they just did."

Billy simply nodded in understanding. "Yes." He sat quietly for a moment, and then, "What are you going to do?"

Lee braced his forearms on his thighs. His hands twisted together between his knees, and he hunched over with his head down. "I don't know, Billy. I'm not sure I can even think about it until this whole business with Fred and Davy...and maybe June – who knows what part she's playing in all this – until this whole business is sorted."

"You don't have to have all the answers right now."

Lee, head still down, nodded. "Yeah. That's exactly what I told Amanda."

"How's she feeling?"

"Scared," Lee turned his head to look at Billy without changing his posture. "Tired, overwhelmed, worried about her family, worried about her job here at the agency, worried about our marriage..."

"Does she have any reason to be worried about your marriage?"

"Not a bit," Lee assured him. "Not one tiny bit."

"How do you feel about this baby, Lee? About being a dad?"

Lee sat back up and looked at the ceiling again. "A Dad," he whispered. "I'm going to be a dad, Billy." He shook his head and chuckled. "Boy, who could have seen this coming four years ago, huh? I have a family, Billy." Lee paused. "Well, I already had a family. They don't know they're my family, but I know they're my family."

"I understand, Lee," Billy clapped his hand on Lee's shoulder.

There was a knock at the door. "Come," Billy answered. The door opened.

"This is from Mr. Leatherneck, Mr. Melrose. He asked me to give it to you directly."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hancock." She left, and Billy sat at his desk to open the file.

"What is it?" Scarecrow was curious if it was about this situation with him and Amanda.

"Scarecrow," Billy didn't look up, but continued reading a moment.

"Yeah, Billy..."

"I think you'd better read this, then get up to your office and get some plans in place."

"What is it?" Scarecrow stood, leaned over Billy's desk, turned the file, and began reading. "Damn. She is involved." He sighed. "Billy, I think Amanda and I should stay in the bolt hole for a while, until this gets settled." His hand went back over his hair – his trademark stress gesture. "The drive home on the highway makes us a prime target. Shoot. Even just the fact that they know where we live. Both places."

"That's not a bad idea, Scarecrow..." Billy paused.

"That's not a bad idea...but...what?"

"Your car will still be here. Amanda's car will still be here. They'll know you haven't left the building."

"Naw," Lee shook his head. "We'll just make sure they think we're burning the mid-night oil." His hand went to his hair again. "How do we beat them at this game, Billy. How do we beat them at this game without endangering Amanda and the baby?"

"I'm sure she'd ask me the same question concerning you, Scarecrow." Billy gave him a look, but Lee just shook his head. "Look, get back to Amanda. The two of you and Francine sit down and start brainstorming. I've got some things I need to finish up from here."


Day 8 – early morning hours

Maybe it was the meeting they'd had with Francine. Maybe it was because she didn't have a window she could crack open. Maybe she just simply couldn't sleep. She'd been lying there for two hours trying not to disturb Lee. She knew he needed sleep, too. He had to be just as emotionally and physically exhausted as she was.

She decided to get up and go into the living room of the bolt hole where she could read without disturbing him. She folded the covers back, slipped out of the bed, and pulled on her robe. Her slippers were right there, so she put them on, tip-toed to the door, opened it as quietly as possible, and sneaked out.

Reaching the sofa, she flipped the table lamp on, got comfortable on the cushions, and reached for the book that was sitting on the end table. She usually liked mysteries, but her life was one big adventure right now; she needed something a little more bland...though she wasn't finding this particular book very bland.

The book she held in her hands was not her usual kind of read, but she'd found it in a discount bookstore several months before. It was called Mere Christianity by a guy named C.S. Lewis. If she remembered correctly, he was pretty famous. She thought she might even remember reading some fantastical children's stories that he'd written.

She wasn't sure how Lee would feel about her reading a book like this, but she had come really close to dying four months ago. And now they were in this precarious situation. It made a person stop and think about some things. She open the book up to where she had left a bookmark.

The Christian says, 'Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction

for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as

food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men

feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself

a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable

explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly

pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud.

Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse

it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand,

never to despise, or to be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the

other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only

a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for

my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let

it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of

life to press on to that country and to help others to do the same.

Yes, that spoke to something inside her. She'd thought working for the Agency would fill the nagging gap she felt inside, but it didn't. She'd thought Lee falling in love with her and marrying her would do it, but that ache was still there. The passage in the book left her strangely dissatisfied, yet hopeful, yet scared...all at the same time.

She'd been raised going to church. She still went on Christmas and Easter (when she wasn't being held hostage by a hostile government). She didn't know about Lee. It wasn't something they had ever talked about. She thought he believed in God just from little things he said now and then. Funny how it had never been something important enough to discuss. It felt important now, but in what way…she wasn't quite sure. She set the book down and grabbed the magazine setting on the coffee table. She just needed something to take her mind off, well, everything.

A while later, Amanda sighed, put the magazine down, and glanced at her watch. It was 2:00 a.m. She was shocked that she'd been up for an hour and a half, but now she was feeling how tired her body was. Still, there was so much to think about, and it was nearly impossible to do that in the chaos of the day. Especially lately.

Her hand went to her abdomen. Funny, it had been nearly 13 years since the last time she was pregnant. Sometimes that seemed like forever ago; sometimes it felt like yesterday. No wonder her bra was starting to feel uncomfortable and breakfast was unpalatable.

She closed her eyes thinking about the tiny life inside her. If she remembered correctly, this little boy or girl was only about the size of a kidney bean at this point. A warm feeling swept through her and squeezed her heart, and suddenly, she recognized it; Love. She already loved this little one. She'd forgotten how quickly that could happen.

Yes, this little one was going to disrupt her life in ways she couldn't even imagine right now. Yes, the timing was atrocious. Yes, she was going to have to give up a lot. All of that was true; all of that was real; all of that was difficult. Still, she loved this little one. She sighed. Well, it looked like their marriage wasn't going to be a secret much longer – though she kind of thought her mother had it figured out already anyway.

She reached up and pulled the metal string on the lamp to shut off the light. It was time to try to sleep again. She padded back to the bedroom as quietly as she could, removed her slippers and robe, and climbed back under the covers.

She scooted her back up next to Lee. In his sleep, he must have been aware she was there because he turned on his side toward her. Under the covers, he laid his hand on her bare leg and slid it slowly up her thigh. An appreciative manly sound rumbled deeply in his throat. His hand slid gently under her nightgown, skimmed across her still tiny waist, and wrapped around her. He burrowed his face into the back of her neck; she felt his gentle breathing and knew he was still asleep.

She still had to pinch herself sometimes to see if this was all real. Afterall, it had barely been a year since their first kiss – well, their first intentional kiss, anyway. Never in a million years would she have thought that at her age, she could get the attention of someone like him – a self-confirmed bachelor, playboy type who traveled all over the world saving it from the bad guys. He was practically an American version of James Bond only better; he was real. And he was hers. Wow.

"You know…" The intimate, gravelly whisper surprised her.

She turned her head toward him. "I thought you were asleep." She rolled over to face him. His hand never left her skin, it simply slid around to her back as she turned and found his half-closed eyes looking intently into hers. She reached out and combed her fingers through his mussed hair, stroking it back from his forehead.

"I was," he mumbled, still obviously half asleep. "But I was just thinking," he cleared his throat to loosen up his voice. "Not too long ago, I told you all about how I fell in love with you." He kissed her forehead. "I wouldn't mind hearing your side of the story."

"You should be asleep," she whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I don't want sleep, Amanda..." He pulled her closer to him…


Later, as she lay in his arms in the wee hours of the morning, she thought about how intensely he did everything, including the way he loved her – gently, but passionately. She snuggled closer. He would put the same intensity into being a dad; she knew it. He'd already done it with her boys – become a friend to them. Not replacing Joe but being another strong male figure in their lives.

She sighed. She wasn't going to get any sleep tonight – well, this morning – if she couldn't turn off her brain. She slipped out from Lee's embrace, turned over to get comfortable, snuggled her back up against him, and closed her eyes.