"Joseph." Adam called out over the noise and the music.
Joseph turned around with a questioning expression. "Leaving so soon?"
Adam leaned in for a brief hug. "Not feeling terribly festive. Sorry."
"No apology necessary." Joseph assured him with a tight hug of his own. "Now, do you have somewhere to go tomorrow?"
"Oh, yeah." Adam answered casually. "Going over to Johnny's and Diane's."
"Good." Joseph pulled away, rubbing Adam's arms lightly. "And if they drive you crazy, you're welcome to stop by."
"Sure I won't be interrupting anything?" Adam couldn't help teasing him.
Joseph's only response was a smirk. "Don't you worry about that. Just call first."
"You've got it." Adam answered with a brief laugh. "See you around."
Adam made his way through the rapidly thinning crowd, spotting Carlos as he left, giving him a brief wave before leaving.
Even though it was Christmas Eve, the city was still bustling with activity. As Adam drove through the night with the radio playing, he let his mind wander to other Christmas Eves, when he and Isaac would drive through different neighborhoods around the city to check out the Christmas lights and decorations. If he let his mind wander enough, he could hear Isaac's voice singing along with the radio, every song from the classics to the contemporary.
…someday all our dreams will come to be, someday in a world where men are free…"
Adam took a deep breath and exhaled, punching the button to change the station. "Not in time for you and me, Isaac."
He pulled into the parking lot and shut off the car before making his way up to the apartment, the one he and Isaac had shared for so long. Adam knew he couldn't stay. It was too much for just him, and certainly more than he could afford on his own. Hell, it was a miracle they'd been able to hang on as long as they had on just Adam's income.
But that was a problem for another time. Adam trotted down the stairs that led to the apartment, hearing the music that blasted from the apartment across the hall. Two college girls lived there, Monica and Rebecca, and even after Isaac had died, they still invited Adam over from time to time. They'd had something they called "Friendsgiving" for all their friends that weren't able to make it home to their families for Thanksgiving. He'd stopped in for a while, but being around a bunch of college kids did nothing but make him feel old.
Hopefully the two girls wouldn't notice him, and he could get through the rest of this night in peace. Heavenly peace, at that.
He unlocked the apartment door and turned on the floor lamp, bathing the dark space in light. It was far too quiet, even though Adam was increasingly getting used to coming home to silence.
Maybe some music would help. It couldn't hurt.
Adam left his shoes at the door and started to flip through Isaac's albums until he found the one he was looking for. He set it on the turntable, turning it on and carefully dropping the needle. The sounds of the opening track soon floated through the living room.
"Where the treetops glisten and the children listen…" Adam started singing along as he found a glass and filled it with ice before pulling down the bottle of bourbon from the top of the refrigerator and filling his glass. As he took the first sip, letting the liquid burn down his throat, he stared at the spot that they normally left open for the Christmas tree. It was empty now, since Adam hadn't felt like bothering with it this year. Besides, that had always been Isaac's job.
But now, with the music playing and the bourbon starting to work its magic on him, Adam thought that maybe now would be the perfect time to put up the tree.
What the hell. It was still Christmas. And if he left it up into January, who would notice or care?
Adam set down his glass and started digging through the closet. Everything was right where Isaac had carefully packed it away the previous year. Of course it was.
He sighed heavily, dragging the box containing the tree over to the empty space. This couldn't be that hard. Surely there would be instructions somewhere.
It didn't take Adam long to figure out the tree stand and to set up the tree, hanging all the branches and bending them so that it resembled a real tree. Close enough to one, anyway. What did Isaac always do next? Lights, then decorations. He and Isaac had settled that their first Christmas together. And colored lights, blinking.
The sound of horses whinnying made Adam smile as he wound the lights around the tree and started hanging ornaments. This had been Isaac's favorite track on the album, and he would sing the verses while Adam chimed in on the 'ding-dong-ding' part, deliberately screwing it up just to hear Isaac's rich, low laugh.
"Our cheeks are rosy and comfy and cozy are we…" Adam sang softly as he pulled out ornaments and hung them up. The balls first, then the ones they had collected over the years, a mix of gifts from friends and ones they had bought on their own.
He picked up the "Our First Christmas Together" ornament that Isaac had insisted on buying the first Christmas after Adam had moved in. Adam had thought it was chintzy and cheesy, overly sentimental. But Isaac would not be dissuaded, and so Adam had given in.
Now, as he turned it over in his hand, he was grateful now to have the memory to cherish. He slipped on an ornament hook and hung it right up front, where he would always be able to see it.
Finally, Adam plugged in the lights and stepped back to admire his handiwork. If he closed his eyes, he could feel Isaac's hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. "Looks good, baby."
"Not too bad." Adam spoke quietly. "Sure could have used a hand."
A knock on the door pulled Adam out of his thoughts. Who would show up now?
He looked through the peephole, then stepped back to open the door. "Carlos, what are you doing here?"
Carlos shrugged, entering as Adam stepped aside to let him in. "I was not feeling so festive. Like you."
Adam snorted and shook his head. "We're a sorry pair, aren't we? You want a drink?"
Carlos smiled at that. "Yes, that sounds lovely."
Adam found another glass. "Ice?"
"Yes." Carlos nodded.
Adam filled Carlos's glass and poured a measure of bourbon in both glasses, handing one to Carlos. "Cheers. Or something."
Just then the song carried out through the living room. "…they're singing Deck The Halls, but it's not like Christmas at all…"
The two men looked at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. "If that isn't the damn truth." Adam finally told him when he was able to pull it together again.
"Indeed." Carlos's own laugh mellowed to a low chuckle as he took a drink. "You decided to put up the tree after all."
"I did." Adam nodded, sitting down on the couch. "I put on this album and, well, I guess I caught the spirit."
"It's beautiful." Carlos told him as he joined Adam.
"Isaac used to put it up right after Thanksgiving." Adam replied. "He'd have a pot of turkey gumbo going, one Christmas album after another going, and before we knew it, it looked like Christmas had thrown up all over the damn place."
He felt Carlos lay a hand between his shoulder blades. "What a beautiful memory."
"It's all I have of him now." Adam answered softly.
Carlos's hand moved from between Adam's shoulder blades to his waist, drawing him in slightly, his head resting against Adam's arm. "It is good to have the memories. It keeps the ones we love alive."
"You should write Hallmark cards." Adam told him.
Carlos laughed softly. "I will remember that if I ever need another job."
Adam slipped his arm around Carlos, squeezing him lightly and kissing his temple. "Do you have somewhere to go tomorrow?"
"I do." Carlos nodded. "Going to visit my sister and her children in Santa Barbara. I have not seen them since Mario died. And you?"
"Oh, yeah." Adam answered. "My work partner and his wife always open their doors to whoever shows up on Christmas Day when we're not working."
"That is good." Carlos responded. "You should not be alone for Christmas."
"No one should be." Adam asserted.
"Agreed." Carlos took a long drink from his glass.
Adam turned over the album, and the two of them talked long into the night, playing music and sharing memories of the men they had both loved. It would be a stretch to say that Adam was feeling more festive, but he was feeling a hell of a lot better than when he had left Joseph at the bar earlier.
Finally, Carlos finished off his drink and rose from the couch, setting his glass on the counter before wrapping his arms around Adam. "I should get home. I have a long drive tomorrow."
"Drive safely." Adam returned the hug. "And thank you."
Carlos was silent for a long moment. "Merry Christmas, Adam."
Adam swallowed the lump that was starting to grow in his throat. "Merry Christmas to you too, Carlos."
Carlos released him, lightly squeezing his arm before turning to leave, and Adam opened the door for him. He glanced up with a short laugh.
"What is so funny?" Carlos asked him.
Adam pointed up. "Isaac used to hang up mistletoe right outside the door. Any excuse to lay a big fat smooch on whoever showed up at our door. He got my work partner good one year. Never seen him turn that particular shade of red before."
Carlos looked greatly amused. "Well, I suppose one could always imagine it was there."
Adam nodded. "One could."
As if by mutual decision, they leaned in toward each other for a brief kiss before pulling back. Carlos reached up and lightly stroked Adam's cheek. "Good night."
"Good night."
With that, Carlos climbed the steps that led out of the building, the door closing behind him. Just then, the door across the hall opened, music spilling out as Monica poked her head out. "Hey, Adam. We've got some people over if you want to stop by."
"Oh, that's okay." Adam told her. "I'm just about to go to bed. Busy day tomorrow."
"Okay." Monica nodded. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas."
Monica closed the door, and Adam went back into the apartment. The place was once again quiet, but it no longer felt uncomfortably so. He turned off the turntable and put the album away, reaching to turn off the lights before deciding against it.
"Merry Christmas, Isaac." Adam spoke softly. "I love you."
