Chapter 12

I apologize for how short chapter 11 was. I was running out of time and wanted to keep my word on the Sunday updates, so I cut it in half and only posted what I already had proof-read.

-GreyMare

But that didn't happen.

Instead, I was thrown into Lissa's mind.

I made a mental note to kick the shit out of Lissa whenever my mind got back into my own body.

Through her eyes, I saw that she was talking to Christian. He had come back the morning after I spoke to him in the bar, and they had a long talk with one another. They had made up, recently, considering they were lying in bed naked.

Thank God, I thought as the covers were pulled over Christian, so I only saw the bare chest. I felt how nervous, how antsy Lissa was, the gut feeling of coming clean. She was planning on telling him about our bond. I didn't blame her; it was a weight off my chest telling Dimitri and we hadn't even been more than friends.

"I need to tell you something." She finally said. Her anxiety shot out the roof as she spoke, and my-her heart raced.

"Tell me." He rolled over onto one side and smiled at her. I tried to push my mind out of hers but as soon as there was any fight put up, Lissa grabbed onto my mind with her mental hands and held me hostage.

"Okay…" she struggled to find the words to start, the ball in her stomach tightened with each passing second.

"Um, so you know about the accident that killed my family, right?" She started, Christian slowly nodded his head and she continued, "Well, um, you see that's when my spirit really came out full force. It was like the accident awoke something in me. And…well, there was something that happened with Rose and me." She started to stutter, and I felt sweat pop up along my-her hairline.

"Spirit is so hard to understand. With everything that you think you figured out there seems to be some kind of hidden detail that waits in the shadows to appear. Rose and I, ever since the crash, we have…we have a bond." She spit the words out like they burned her mouth.

Christian cocked his head to the side and moved closer to her.

"A bond?" He questioned. Lissa had shut her eyes and nodded her head slowly.

"Yeah."

"Okay, so you feel connected to her because you two were the only ones that survived. I understand that." Thankfully, Lissa decided to rip off the Band-Aid and just go for it.

"No…that's not what I meant. We're bonded. There were times when the darkness was so much, that it spilled over from me and into her. She's been sucked into my mind before, sometimes she can feel what I'm feeling. She'll experience things as I do." Lissa had unknowingly tensed her body up in preparation for a verbal battle with Christian.

"Why are you just now telling me this? Why did you wait so many years?" His voice was level. Calm, even.

Lissa licked her lips and sat up in the bed. Bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her she rested her chin on top of her knees and shrugged her shoulders.

"It was our secret for so long. We didn't know what it meant, or what it would affect. Then I was elected queen, and we were afraid people would think that I was just mad…but I'm tired of keeping secrets. I don't think I'm very good at it anyway. Ivan was able to see right through it."

"Ivan?" Christian scoffed. Throwing the sheets off him I caught a glimpse of his ass and his back as he shoved his feet into a pair of underwear. I mentally gagged.

"What the hell does he have to do with this?" Lissa kicked herself. Way to go, she thought.

"Ivan brought up some old journals and they have the term shadow-kissed in them. I think after spending time with Rose and me he was able to put the pieces together. Christian, it's not that big of a deal. I'm still me, we're still us." She reached out to touch his face. Both hands wrapped around his face as her thumbs stroked his cheeks.

"I want a fresh start, just like you said. The past mistakes don't need to hinder us if we don't let them." I felt that pull in the back of our mind. Lissa didn't want to use compulsion on him, but she was willing to take the edge off what he thought was another betrayal.

"So, you mean to tell me this Ivan has found out a secret my girlfriend has been hiding from me for years in a matter of days." Lissa wanted to roll her eyes.

"Christ, Christian, this isn't about you." Rage was replacing any other emotion that she might have felt.

"I'm telling you this, to be honest with you. I'm sorry that for whatever reason you feel like this is threatening your manhood. But you must get over it. I love you; I've said it, I've proved it repeatedly. I've told no one, of this. Rose included. Either you deal with the fact that Ivan found out after already having background knowledge of this, or you don't. The choice is yours." Lissa let go of his face walked over and grabbed her robe. I braced myself and kept trying to pull out of her mind. I heard a faint voice calling my name.

"Rose, Rose, Rose."

"You certainly have become comfortable in your role as queen. The choice is mine." He mocked, "The choice hasn't been mine since you put that fucking crown on your head!" Lissa rubbed her temples and muttered something under her breath.

"Here we go." I chuckled as she prepared her next argument.

"I'm sorry, but did we or did we not just make up? Did we not just agree to move forward from past mistakes and let the other know how we were feeling? Or was my pussy so good that it made you forget?"

Lissa! I thought from the bond without even meaning to. I was so proud of her for that line.

Rose? She thought. How long have you been here?

Not long, I'm sorry that the two of you are fighting again. I need you to stand your ground so I can leave. Or push me out of your mind one. I think that I'm stuck.

"This is different. I told you that I didn't like this Ivan guy, and here I find out that he's able to guess a secret that you've hidden from me. Do I even know you at all?"

"You didn't find anything out genus, I just told you. Rose and I had no idea what to call this bond that we had. But Ivan knew what it was before he met us. How are you pissed over a man knowing something about spirit and then seeing one of those elements in the real world and identifying it? Christian, I love you. I've always loved you. Why are you being like this?" Christian ran a hand threw his hair and rubbed his face.

"I want to meet him. I want to see for myself whether this man is interested in you. Because I guarantee that spirit," he used those stupid little air quotes around the word, "isn't the only thing on his mind."

"You think that I would allow you to embarrass me like that?" Lissa tightened her sash on her robe and turned toward him. She took slow, deliberate strides towards him.

"You think that I would allow you to quiz him on his intentions like I'm some unfaithful high school girlfriend? I am queen. I rule our world. I am allowed to meet with my people and hear what they have to say. I have no objection to the two of you meeting. But if you think for one second, I'll let you size him up in some kind of dick-measuring contest, you're dead wrong."

In the far back of my mind, I heard that same faint voice calling my name.

"Roza, please."

I snapped back into my own mind like a light switch being turned on. Dimitri was kneeling over top of me, a hand on my face and the other holding the back of my head. I was lying down on his floor, my surroundings fuzzy at first, started to come in clearer as I remembered where I was and what had happened before I was thrown into Lissa's mind.

"Roza?" Dimitri's voice was thick with worry as I blinked my eyes open and looked around his room.

"I'm fine," my voice cracked like I had been asleep for hours. I rubbed the side of my head and sat up. Dimitri hovering over my every move.

"Could you imagine what lie I would've had to come up with to explain that one?" I chuckled. "I think my best bet would have been to say I experienced a seizure." I nodded my head in agreement with myself.

"Rose." Dimitri rolled his eyes as I crossed my legs. The room wasn't spinning but I did feel dizzy.

"So, that was you, being pulled inside her mind," Dimitri said it like a question but there was no more for any doubt. He knew what he said was true, even if his mind didn't want to believe it.

"Yeah, she's got some pretty strong emotions right now. I kept trying to pull myself out, but I was stuck in like a tick." Dimitri sat down next to me as I spoke.

"Um, sorry. Kind of ruined the moment, didn't I?" I joked. But I could tell that whatever the two of us had been feeling was gone, vanished in a moment.

"Kind of." He agreed. "Is she okay?" he asked as I tried to stand up. He guided me along, holding onto my elbow for support.

"Yeah, she's fine. A little pissed off, but hey she's a woman." I shrugged my shoulders and sighed. Dimitri nodded his head and let his arms fall to his side when he saw that I was able to stand on my own.

"I should probably go and get some sleep; my normal shift starts back tomorrow, and our training starts. Four-thirty comes early, right?" A small smile crept up those beautiful lips as he smiled down at me.

"Right, Roza."

I slapped my alarm clock like it owed me money. I had set it for four am to give me enough time to shower and change before my training with Dimitri; and had he not been the manifestation of sex on earth I wouldn't have bothered to shave my legs at this ungodly hour. Showered, shaved, and moisturized I bounced into workout clothes and ran a brush through my hair, and pulled it into a tight ponytail. Walking into the gym, I found Dimitri already there, dragging out a punching bag.

"Do you sleep at all?" I asked as I flung my gym bag down on the ground and started doing my arm stretches. Dimitri looked up from where he stood and gave me a soft chuckle.

"Russians are built stronger. A handful of hours of sleep and I'm good to go."

"You're probably right. I wouldn't want to sleep for long periods of time if my bed was made of straw either."

"Good one," Dimitri was tightening the straps of his wrist wraps as he spoke. "But you're in my world now. This," he motioned around the gym, "is my domain."

"You talk like I've never set foot in a gym before." I rolled my eyes and put on my wraps, finishing with my hands on my hips.

"I know you've been in one before, but you've never used it properly." And with that said, he shifted and used his leg to knock my feet out from under me. My ass hit the ground, hard as my legs were swept out from under me. In a split second, he had me pinned.

"Case in point." He said smugly.

"We won't be friends after this, will we?" I asked as I shoved him off me and groaned as I got up.

"Probably not." He agreed and took another shot at me switch I dodged. And just like that, we fell into a sparring match. He landed more hits on me than I did on him in just a matter of minutes. After a few hard jabs and me stumbling around, Dimitri stopped us.

"You have the strength there, but your footing is off." He pointed out. He motioned with two fingers for me to come to him and like a dog being called home, I followed. I walked over to him, but he grabbed my hips and turned me so that my back was facing him. His hands were warm and rough as he rotated my hips and kicked my feet further apart with his shoes.

"Your strength and force comes from your legs. You have to make sure that your footing is sure before you throw any punches. They may land, but they won't have the full force that you're capable of." After Dimitri had moved my body into the stance that was to his liking, he took a step back. With his foot, he tapped on my calf.

"You want to pounce off of this back foot. Make sure you feel the muscles in your calf extend. That's when you know that you're in the right stance." His arms moved back to my hips; a single finger traced the curve of my side up to my shoulders.

"Think of it like your body is an arrow. From here," his finger traced back to my hip and followed the same line he traced moments ago. "To here, needs to be straight, ready to pounce." His hands left me, and I felt a sufficient loss from the lack of his touch. I took a few deep breaths to steady myself. Then I locked eyes with him.

"Again." He said and he mirrored my stance. This time when I lashed out it wasn't clumsy, it wasn't without form. I keyed in on my target, his chest, more specifically the upper portion of his right pectoral. He dodged the hit but only by a little, giving me a small window of opportunity that I didn't take advantage of. Keeping my footing the exact way he showed me, I moved closer and swung my leg full force into the side of his thigh.

I hit him hard, I listened to what he said about my power coming from my legs as I buckled him, and down he went. With heavy breath Dimitri huffed as he quickly got up, effectively making me unable to pin him down. After a few minutes of us circling each other and me unable to land another hit, I started to recognize his stances before he would pounce. The slight twist of his hips before he would lead with his right side, the narrowing of his steps before he would go in for a kick. I was starting to be able to read his moves, and he mine.

My alarm going off on my phone pulled me out of my concentration and Dimitri used that to his advantage. Tackling me, he tried to pin my hands on the mat, but I was able to use my small size and quickness against his large form. I quickly snuck out of his grasp and flipped him so that I straddled him. Pinned one hand to his side and knocking my fist against his chest I had successfully "staked" him. A wicked smile crept up my face as I saw him underneath me. The constant ringing of my phone was hard to drown out, and I didn't want to be late for my shift with Lissa. Reluctantly, I pushed off him and offered him my hand. Using it to help himself get up, he and I stood inches away from one another.

"Very good, Rose. Very good." He and I both were breathing heavily as he spoke.

"Thanks..." I huffed and tried to get my breathing under control. Walking over to my bag I thanked my past self for packing my guardian clothes instead of leaving them in my room as I debated.

"This helped," I said as I grabbed a towel and patted it around my neck and hairline. I wouldn't have time to shower before my shift started.

"Could we meet up again after my shift ends? We should be on a similar schedule now." I asked. Dimitri grabbed his own bag and walked back over towards me.

"Absolutely." He grinned.

I floated to Lissa's apartment after my session with Dimitri. I had changed into my uniform in Lissa's bathroom. Thomas waited outside for me to finish before accepting my thumbprint on the paperwork for the official shift change.

"Overslept?" he asked. Thomas was about ten years older than me, with mousy brown hair. His eyes looked like muddy water and his skin was paler than the normal dhampir.

"Something like that," I answered, shoving my thumb on the screen of his phone. Thomas and I rarely spoke outside of these shifts, but that wasn't because we disliked each other. We worked opposite shifts, never having time off together so despite working with him for the past few years I knew very little about him.

"Mason should be up in a few minutes; the queen has errands to run today so it will require two of you." I nodded my head in agreement and threw my bag to the side.

"Ten-four," I responded. Thomas pressed his thumb into the screen, and I heard a slight click and with that, he left. I could hear Lissa stirring upstairs and wondered if Christian was there with her. I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and sat at the kitchen table. There was a folder placed there with the daily schedule for her. Looking through it I saw that she was needed for a council meeting today at eight.

"What fun," I murmured to myself as I flipped through the rest of the papers. I heard the front door open and popped my head out to see Mason walking towards me.

"Hello, beautiful." He said as he pulled out a chair and sat next to me.

"It's going to be a fun day today," I mused. "A meeting with the council, a feeding, meeting with Ivan, measurements for a new gown, loads of fun." I didn't look up from the papers as Mason spoke.

"Ivan…" Mason snorted. "I've never met a man I disliked more." I raised my eyes at that comment. "Well, I think I dislike that guard of his more." Mason continued.

"Who? Dimitri?" I asked.

"Yeah, him. Belikov. I talked to him that day in the gym, not a fan." He drew out the last three words and shook his head. I smiled and kept reading the papers. I knew Mason, I knew him well. I knew him well enough to know what he was trying to do. He was fishing right now, but I wasn't even attempted by the bait.

"What do you think of him?" he asked.

"Here we go." I laughed.

"What?" Mason raised his hands in defense.

"Go ahead, tattle on him." I laid the folder down and grabbed my water bottle.

"What? I just don't like him." He argued.

"You don't like him because he's an alpha male and you're a beta." I could practically see Mason's blood pressure rise. Adrian let himself in before Mason could throw too big of a fit.

"I. Am. Not. A. Beta." Mason said through gritted teeth. I caught up from my seat and went over to Adrian who had made himself comfortable on the couch.

"Beta," I said over my shoulder.

"What are you two tiffing about?" Adrian lit a cigarette and puffed on the end a few times.

"Mason is threatened by Dimitri." I sat the folder and water bottle down on the coffee table as I sat myself down on the other end of the couch.

"Why Mason? I mean I get why you might feel inadequate measuring up to him. He's taller than you, as much as I hate to admit it, he is more physically appealing than either you or I. But my ace in the hole is my winning personality and that fat stack of cash I'm sitting on. Plus, the appeal of being an early widow due to the more than likely fact that I'll go insane." Adrian took another long drag off of the cigarette and crossed his legs. Using the cigarette as a talking point he added,

"You might as well go ahead and throw in the towel." Adrian mused. Mason immediately went on the defense, but I quickly cut it off.

"Okay boys, calm down. Let's not get in a peeing contest over who I would pick over the other whenever I would choose none of you."

"I'm not a beta," Mason said under his breath.

"Why are you here?" I turned to Adrian and asked. It amazed me how he could smoke almost the entire cigarette without having to ash it much. I asked him once how he did it and he told me that he thought he was wasting the precious nicotine.

"I'm lonely, Rose. I crave companionship-"

"Shut up and tell me why you're really here." I took a drink from the bottle and played with the cap, turning it over in my fingers again and again as he spoke.

"I'm interested in the council meeting. Now that I've come of age, I can represent my family name."

"You're twenty-five. You came of age five years ago." Mason pointed out.

"Yes, but now my dear ol' dad thinks I'm ready. He must be so proud of his baby boy." Adrian took another long drag off of the cigarette and smashed the remaining stick into the ashtray that only he used.

"Lissa won't be ready for about another hour or so, you came a bit early," I stated as I heard Lissa's hair dryer come on.

"A problem I assure you I don't have often, but you bring that out in me Rose." Adrian winked as he got up from his seat and walked over to the kitchen.

"I wanted to talk to Christian while I waited." Adrian started going through the cabinets as he spoke.

"I wanted to tell him about a conversation that I had with his aunt." Adrian closed one of the cabinets and started looking through the drawers.

"Tasha? Why?" I was officially intrigued. I knew her only in passing. She had spent a few holidays here with us and she would spend some time in the summer whenever we were out of school. She was nice enough, her being the only family that Christian had Lissa and I welcomed her with open arms. We three, a bunch of orphans with no one other than the academy to really guide us.

"I think the timing of things is a bit too convenient. She's been pushing for the Moroi to use their magic in the field for years. She and Ivan must know each other somehow." He concluded.

"They do, Dimitri knows her. I'm not sure how, but they do." I threw the empty bottle in the recycling bin as I spoke.

"So what? You think they're in cahoots with one another?"

"I wouldn't say that exactly." Adrian trailed off as Christian walked down the steps, rubbing his eyes. Without missing a beat, Christian walked past Adrian, grabbed a coffee cup from the cabinet, and started making a pot of coffee.

"What is everyone doing in my house so early?" He finally said after taking a sip.

"Mason and I are on duty; Adrian is just a squatter," I said.

"Have you talked to your aunt recently?" Adrian asked taking out a flask from his pocket, adding some of the liquid into a coffee cup, and pouring himself a cup of the coffee Christian had made.

"Yeah, why?" Christian asked. His dark shaggy hair was wet indicating that we had just taken a shower. Adrian walked closer to Christian, peeked into his cup, and poured a dash of his whiskey into it.

"There you go buddy," Adrian patted him on the shoulder as Christian looked into his cup and dumped it into the sink, and continued, "I was wondering about how she planned on getting Lissa to pass the new fighting law. I know she wants the Moroi to fight in the field with the Dhampir, she has for years. But where Ivan Zeklos comes into the mix, I'm a bit confused on…" Adrian gulped down a drink.

"I know she's been in Turkey for a few months before coming here, other than that I have no idea how they are connected. I'm sure we'll find out today though. Some man named Mazur is speaking with Ivan to Lissa." Christian rolled his eyes and sat down in the armchair that he claimed as his own.

"I know Mazur, that's the man who had Dimitri and I pick him up. Dimitri told me how Ivan and he worked for Mazur before coming here. His first name is Abe, Dimitri said to be careful around him." I said.

"He's not joking." Christian folded one leg over another and wiped his mouth.

"He deals in a lot of dirty business. The man is fifthly rich even though he has no title or royal blood. He has more money than Lissa or Adrian."

"Hey!" Adrian protested but Christian continued.

"He traffics our blood to willing humans and vice versa. On top of a bunch of illegal trading goods, gambling parlors, and brothels."

"He sells vampire blood to humans?" Mason asked.

"Yup, anything to make a dollar. And he makes dollars. Who would have thought that there was such a market for things like that? The humans are dumb enough to think they'll turn into one of us by taking it, but all it does is heal them of the illness that they may have." Christian smoothed out his shirt as he spoke and folded his hands together.

"How do you know this? If you don't know how they are connected how do you know anything about what he does?" I questioned him.

"I've known about Abe Mazur ever since my parents died. When Tasha would take me to court, and I met him once. Well, Tasha talked to him, and I stayed in the shadows. I wasn't no more than twelve or so. Tasha told me all that stuff." Christian shrugged his shoulders. Mason and I looked at one another in disbelief as Christina went on and said more. Mason came up behind me and whispered in my ear.

"I heard you've been training with Belikov." His lips were close to my ear, and I jumped at the sensation of him being so close.

"I have," I whispered back as Adrian and Christian talked more about the council meetings. I didn't want to give him any details about those trainings. I liked having him fish around for more.

"And how did that come about?" he stood next to me now, no longer whispering in my ear.

"I wanted to get better. He's one of the best I've seen. A blood master seven by the age of twenty-four? It's impressive." I crossed my arms in my defense.

"I could've helped you. I would've gone to the gym with you." Mason pleaded.

"We work opposite shifts half of the time and when we aren't doing that, we work the same shifts. We would never have the time." I argued.

"I would've made the time. You know how I feel Rose, don't…don't push me away." Mason's hand closed in on my upper arm.

"Don't think that all I want is a fling here and there." He squeezed my arm and let his hand drop to his side.

"Can we not do this Mase? You know how I feel. I love you; I do."

"But you're not in love with me." He finished my sentence.

"I'm not in love with anyone," I said. Which was true. I don't think that I had ever really been in love with someone. If my feelings for Dimitri were love, then maybe I was in the process of falling. I nodded my head yes and crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't like talking about my feelings or my lack of feelings for Mason with him. The conversation made me uncomfortable and left me wanting to bury my head in the sand.

"Well, I can work with that. As long as the race isn't won by anyone. I'll keep running it."

"Mason don't-"

"Rose this is my life. I'll spend it chasing you, despite the protests from you. 'Don't waste your life running after me' 'Go find someone who can give you more than I can' I don't want anyone else. And if all you're willing to offer me is friendship with an occasional booty call, I'll take it." Mason left my side and joined Christian and Adrian. I dropped my hands to my side as I watched both men who wanted more than I could give them. Adrian, already on his way to being drunk for the day talked with Christian as Mason stood in the shadows and watched them.

I had been clear with both that I didn't want a relationship, while the flirting was fun to do and both were good kissers, I didn't have that fire driving me towards one or the other. I didn't have that pull to either of them. My honesty was met with delusion from both, each thinking that they could pull those feelings out of me. Maybe they would be able to if I gave one of them a chance, but that gravity pulls, that one thing that I felt was missing wouldn't let me try. Maybe it was the thought of my parents' relationship, what little I know about it, messing me up. Maybe it was the normal relationship of a guardian that made me think that we wouldn't make it or couldn't have anything serious. I decided to go up to Lissa's room and lay in her bed while I waited for her to get ready.

"Hey Liss," I poked my head into her bathroom. There she was in all of her glory, a matching black silk bra and underwear, pulling up sheer stockings along her smooth, hairless legs. She had her hair down, the ends still a little damp even though I had heard the blow-dryer going not long ago.

"I hate wearing these stupid dresses." She said as she clipped her stockings in place. Lissa had to wear a traditional grown when meeting with the council. Corset and all, she would look like a Victorian-era doll after she was done.

"I mean it's 2023 for God's sake. Why can't I listen to people complain in leggings?" she rolled her eyes and started brushing through her long blonde hair. Getting frustrated easily, she signed and pointed the brush to me.

"Help?" she asked. I smiled and took the brush from her hand. She would need her hair pulled and slicked back into a high, regal bun so that her crown would fit easily onto her head. I started brushing and pulling her thin hair into a ponytail, losing my train of thought as I did it. Brushing through her hair now, it reminded me of the days that her mother, Rhea, would fix my hair when I would tag along with their family for the summer. I would sit in her bathroom, a marble studded room encased in real marble countertops, porcelain sinks, and a matching tub, the color of olive green and navy blue shattered along the trim and floor. In the center of the long, wall-width vanity was a cushioned chair that she would have both Lissa and I sit in while she did both of our hair.

Your hair is too thick, Rose. She would say to me as she tried to gather the mass into a tight bun. I loved the feel of her running that brush through my hair, and Lissa holding my hand as she did it. I never knew what having a family was like until I met the Dragomirs, and while I wasn't related to them by blood, I knew that I was a part of their family nonetheless. I worked on pulling Lissa's hair into the hair tie, then wrapping it around itself until I had formed the perfect ballroom bun. Grabbing the hair spray and gel off the counter I shut off my mind once again and let my hands work on autopilot.

I missed Lissa's mom and father more than I realized. Going through the motions of every day we tend to forget some of the pain that we had been carrying all along, until a memory like this, something so simple and so pure, brought all of that pain to the surface. A single tear dripped down my cheek as I smiled at the memory of the people that I chose to be my parents.

"Rose, what's wrong? You're crying." Lissa turned around and held my hands. I shook my head to shake the memories away, but they wouldn't go. I tried to tell Lissa why I was upset but the words formed a lump in my throat.

"I…I just…miss them…so…much." My tears came as the words finally came out. Lissa's eyes swelled with her own tears as she grabbed me and forced me into a hug. I heard her start to sob into my shoulder as we held each other. The years of regret and pent-up emotions flooded out of us on the bathroom floor. Holding onto her, I let my frustration go in the form of tears, not just the frustration of the grief that I still felt, but also that for the life that I thought I would have. None of it turned out the way that it was supposed to, safe for Lissa and me to be together. After a few minutes of crying, we both pulled back and looked each other in the eyes at the same time. Seeing her jade green tears now red and puffy from crying made me smile.

"Why are you smiling?" her voice cracked as she rubbed my tears off my cheeks. I smiled as I shrugged my shoulders.

"It's selfish, but I'm glad that you still cry too." I felt a few more tears escape my eyes as I spoke.

"It's not selfish…" she spoke softly as I motioned for her to turn back around so I could finish her hair.

"I miss them so much some days I feel like my heart's going to explode. That knot in my stomach comes back and it's hard to breathe." Lissa spoke as I sprayed her hair in place.

"It doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem like they've been gone all these years…" Her voice dropped as I finished and placed my hands on her thin shoulders.

"We still have each other." I looked at her in the mirror and she met my gaze. Placing a hand on top of mine she patted it.

"Yes, we still have each other." She smiled back at me.