Everyone is celebrating the new year and I have covid so I'm home writing fanfic! Last semester was actual hell but I've got some time before I need to go back and I'm feeling back in writing mode!

Also: Apparently you now need to have email opt-in ON in order to receive story alerts so make sure that's activated if you're still following this story!

Also also: If you like my writing, look at my other stories Two Birds, One Stone and White Picket Fence!

On with the show!


It had been three days since Jess' death. Jess is from Palo Alto and her family is hosting a wake for her. Because of the ongoing investigation, and lack of viable remains, the police still had Jess' body. The plan was for her to be cremated and a headstone built on the family plot.

Sam stood in front of the bathroom mirror, fiddling with his tie. He had bought this suit for his law school interviews. Jess went with him to help pick it out. He was nervous about the black, said it felt too easy and overdone and that everyone else was going to be in black. But then Jess pointed out that he could wear any shirt and tie with it and it'll match. She also said he looked hot but that's neither here nor there. Sam couldn't help but feel the strong irony behind her helping him find his suit and him now wearing it to her funeral service.

"Sam? May I come in?" a female voice asked, breaking his thoughts. Sam felt as though he couldn't speak with this giant lump in his throat so he didn't respond. The doorknob turned and the door opened a crack. "Are you decent?"

Sam stepped to the side so his mom could enter the small apartment bathroom. Sam was still crashing with Brady, just until he could find another one.

"You look so handsome," she said, smiling sweetly. She reached up and moved some of Sam's bangs out of his face. Sam didn't mind, still focused and frustrated over his stupid tie. "Would you like some help?"

Sam handed the tie to Mary. She hummed as she threw it around his neck.

"Does that feel okay?" she asked gently and somewhat cheerfully like she was forcing herself to stay positive for him.

Sam sniffled. "Yeah. Thanks."

"You're welcome, baby." Mary turned around to exit the bathroom, satisfied with the current state of her son out of bed and dressed.

"She used to do it for me."

Mary turned back around. "Hm?"

Sam's face started to scrunch up. "Jess would..." Voice crack. "She would have to do my ties. And she'd tease me about it."

Mary knew where this was going. She walked back over to Sam and put her hand on his shoulder.

"I can't do it, Mom!" Sam sobbed. "I can't go in there!"

"Yes, you can," Mary responded, matter-of-factly, hoping her tone would instill some type of confidence.

"No, I can't!"

Mary grabbed his hand and instructed him to sit down on the closed toilet lid. "Listen to me, Sammy. You can do this. You have to go. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this right now, but you owe it to yourself to go. You'll hate yourself if you don't."

"Mom's right bud," John added, suddenly appearing in the doorway to the bathroom. "We'll be right there with you."

Sam continued to cry into his hands. Mary and John exchanged a look. This was going to be a very long day.

John sighed. "Brady's asking if you want to ride with him to the church," he continued.

Sam quickly stopped crying. "Yeah, I'll go with him." He stood up and turned the sink on, starting to splash water on his face.

"You don't have to, honey," Mary suggested. "You can ride with us."

"Mary-"

"I'm fine, Mom," Sam interrupted, insisting and drying himself off with one of Brady's extra towels. He touched up his hair, moving his bangs back to the front of his face. "I'll see you guys there."

John and Mary watched Sam leave the bathroom. Mary started tidying up Sam's mess.

"You're doing it again," John accused.

"What?"

John looked angry. "You need to stop babying him. He's all grown up now and he doesn't need his mommy holding his hand all week."

Mary returned the energy. "His first serious girlfriend just died, John. It's called being a supportive parent; not babying." She ran into his shoulder as she passed him to exit the bathroom. "Would it kill you to at least pretend to do the same?"


Sam had no idea how he made it through the service. Jess' parents invited him and Jess' closest friends to the pews in the front. John and Mary stayed in the back. It was an hour of people sharing stories into a mic in front of a giant canvas with Jess' face on it. Sam knew that picture well. It was taken the day before she started Stanford. Standing in a white sundress in her parents' driveway. Obviously that Jess didn't know Sam yet, but Sam had seen the picture on the mantel many times at her parents' house when he would visit. Sam sometimes teased her about it, calling her a dork for taking a first day of college picture, but Jess just came from that type of family.

Sam was asked to speak. He couldn't do it.

The service ended and doors to a dining hall opened for the reception. People slowly started to gather themselves and leave to go eat and mingle. Sam remained in his seat, leaning over and resting his head in between his knees, softly crying. Brady stayed by his side, running his hand across Sam's shoulder. With the exception of Jess, Brady was truly Sam's only best friend. The other kids in their group gave Sam condolences and offered to help him with anything he may need, but Brady was really the only one who was actually there for him. And Sam knew that and really appreciated it.

"Well that was a very nice service," Mary said, walking over to the two.

"It was," Brady agreed, not taking his eyes off Sam. Sam didn't seem to react to his parents joining them. "How long are you planning on staying?" Brady asked, thinking that changing the subject might help ease the tension.

"Not much longer. We'll probably leave tomorrow," Mary admitted. She took over comforting Sam. "We're going to go back to the hotel but we'll call later to check in, okay?"

Sam nodded. Mary pulled him into a hug and Sam let out a quick sob.

"Keep an eye on him?" Mary asked. Brady looked her in the eye and nodded. Mary kissed Sam's forehead and let him go, walking with John out of the church.

"Sooo whatcha wanna do now?" Brady asked.

"I'm gonna throw up," Sam confessed. Not that that was necessarily true; Sam hadn't really eaten much the past couple of days. Brady didn't quite catch what Sam had said, but as soon as Sam gagged and jumped up to run to the restroom, Brady was right behind him.

Brady waited outside the stall door while Sam got sick. Thankfully everyone was in the dining hall so no one else came into the small restroom. After a few minutes, Sam flushed and came out of the stall. Brady greeted him with a wet paper towel.

"Thanks," Sam mumbled, taking the paper towel and wiping his mouth. His face blushed from embarrassment. Not that it was the first time Brady had seen Sam hurl before, but usually alcohol and gross clubs and bars were involved.

"I take it you don't want to go back out there?"

Sam laughed. "No, I really don't."

"You're probably just hungry, man. Why don't we go for a little bit and get you something?"

Sam gagged again at the mention of food. "Thanks Mom," he teased. "Can we just go back to your place?"

Brady nodded sympathetically. "At least say goodbye to her parents first."

Sam agreed. Brady left the restroom to go find Mr. and Mrs. Moore while Sam cleaned himself up. The two were amongst the first to leave the church, heading back to the apartment, where Sam inevitably crashed and Brady promised himself he'd keep watch.


someones-big-sister