The rewriting is taking more time than expected because there's just so much I want to improve (and so many parts where I ask myself huh? What? What did I want to say by that? What was the point of that? Huh?) T.T
And at the same time I'm working on the newest chapters. I really hope ya'll are strictly sticking to the reworked versions else I'm gonna be really mad :(
Anyway, sickfic continues, because 2016 me had no plot, only feels.
Karma's tired of sleeping.
He looks over to Gakushuu. He's reading a book. Again. At least, this time it's a normal novel and not some terribly thick textbook about some fucking Pigeonhole principle. Seriously, why pigeonhole principle? Considering all the things Gakushuu already had on his plate, why would he willingly try to learn something so random?!
It really baffles him, how Gakushuu can keep all of this up. He's always been the type to aim for the top but this was too much. He was overworking himself with the belief that he wasn't enough. Fucking hell, if Gakushuu wasn't enough, no one was.
Besides, the strawberry blond's need to study at all times seriously kills the mood. Not only yesterday, but today too. Karma's in desperate need of attention (call him a baby, see if he cares) and Gakushuu fails to deliver because of his obsession with perfection.
Agh, how he hates that word and everything it represents. How it changes his caring, fun to tease brother into this whole different person. When faced with perfection, he loses all the humanity that makes him Gakushuu, Karma's older brother, and becomes this cold, insensitive and superficial fake among fakes. He becomes Asano-kun, the student council president and son of the chairman. It felt as though he was trying to be someone the world would accept, regardless of what he wanted or needed.
Their father brainwashed Gakushuu to be the best and to control everyone else. Gakushuu himself has never fully opened up about the regime he's been put through, he also downplays the severity of his upbringing despite the fact that it shaped him and all his habits to this day.
Karma noticed that long ago even without being told and it bothered him. It concerned him that Gakushuu kept staying up late to learn. Or that all he ever did was read or train in sports or practice instruments. He denies it constantly, but there's no doubt that all of that drains him. Everyone else would say "but that's good!" or "he's so passionate!" or even "Everyone should follow his example", but Karma sees behind the scenes and hates it.
Yesterday was a good proof of his point. Gakushuu was so exhausted that all Karma needed to do was play a lullaby on his phone and not even five minutes later, his brother fell asleep (more like collapsed) right there and then.
Ah, all this thinking was starting to give Karma a headache. If someone asked him, he would say that having such a troublesome elder brother was the exact reason he got sick so often - stress! Gakushu gave him too much to worry about.
But really, his brain hurt. He was starting to tremble too. What has he done to deserve such a shitty immune system? Indeed an irony - not even a dozen thugs could beat him and just one measly cold got him spinning with the whole world.
Suddenly, he receives another blanket on top of the one already covering his body. The shivers don't cease though. Gakushu is sitting by his side, he dully notes, face somehow concerned. He touches Karma's cheek, muttering something about his fever going up and then he pinches him (why?!). Washing the towel in super-freezing water again, he puts it over the boy's forehead. Karma shudders - way too cold for his liking.
"Are you okay?" The strawberry blond asks, frowning. It takes Karma a lot of blinking to actually focus on his face and understand what he asked.
"Doesn't seem like it. Sit up and drink some water, you need to stay hydrated." His brother clicks his tongue.
But Karma feels way too tired to even move a finger. Not to mention that his vision became more and more distorted with each second.
"Karma," Gakushuu calls out again, waiting for his brother to sit up and take the glass he's holding.
"I'm dizzy," Karma confessed, making Gakushu's eyebrows narrow even more.
The strawberry blond sighs and stands up. He slips a hand under Karma's neck and lifts his head, putting the glass of water to his lips.
The gesture warms him up from the inside. Gakushuu complains so often about how needy Karma is, but is it so wrong to long for someone to take care of him? To have a person who shows love, and concern, a person you mean something to? No matter how much he loves class E, how well he gets along with Nagisa-kun, Nakamura or Okuda, Gakushu is special. He's been there his whole life.
"You know, you mean a lot to me."
Crap. Did he say that aloud? Judging from the shocked face Gakushuu gives him, the answer is yes.
How embarrassing. Whenever he runs a high fever, he completely loses touch with reality and babbles all kinds of things without even being aware of it. Though he supposes, babbling out this one particular thing, he didn't mind. (Unlike one time when Karma told Gakushuu he's a brainless dipshit tyrant because he forced him to drink some really bitter medicine).
Gakushuu ruffles his hair out of nowhere. He does it so often that Karma suspects he actually likes it more than Karma does. His brother's face changes into such a soft smile and it all but dissipates the leftover tension from their fight a few days prior to this.
"Go sleep, little idiot."
No need to tell him, Karma thinks. It's not like he can stay awake any longer.
And as closes his eyes and drifts to the shores of Dreamland, he lets himself be lulled by his brother's words.
"You mean the world to me."
Gakushuu knows the exact moment Karma falls asleep. It's when his breathing turns gentle and slow, when his face laxes and fingers uncurl. He doesn't know why, but the sight makes his eyes water.
It's not often that he feels this safe. No psycho father or ignorant mother. Just the two of them. With nothing to fear.
He still remembers the way Karma used to run to him with those big golden eyes filled with tears, asking if their parents were fighting again. He hated it when he asked. He hated it, because each time, there was less and less life left in his baby brother's gaze and each time, the answer was the same:
"Yes."
"Why?"
He didn't know it back then. All he knew was that they couldn't face each other anymore, they couldn't stand hearing the other breathing and they couldn't coexist.
"I guess it's just another stupid thing. It will be alright."
Karma would just stare in the direction of the shouting without a word. His lips would quiver, but in the end, he'd accept the answer. He'd say Okay but Gakushuu saw that Karma knew it was a lie. How could he not know? He has always been a smart kid.
"It's okay, as long as we are together!" Karma liked to declare every time the two adults went after each other's neck and the siblings had to lock themselves in the bedroom. It was quite hard to tell back then if he was just forcing the smiles or if really meant his words, but Gakushuu did.
"Yeah. Forever together."
He said it so easily then. Like the child he was, he didn't understand how difficult that promise would be to keep.
Until one day, their parents got divorced and Mom took Karma with her.
That was the final decision of the court. Gakushuu remained with the chairman. Why? He doesn't know. Maybe because he resembled their father a lot and Mom had enough of that man. Maybe because Karma back then used to have slightly red to strawberry blond hair, similar to hers. They only turned red as he grew older. He also inherited her golden eyes, unlike Gakushuu who had violet. But that was just their speculation. God knows how they reached that verdict or if they even had any say in it. Gakushuu decided a long time ago not to dwell on it because it stirred a different kind of hurt in him that he wasn't ready to face.
After all, he's always idolized their mom. From what he remembers, she was beautiful and strong and she loved them unconditionally. Yet somehow, after the divorce, that image shattered. She left him. And what was worse, suddenly, she wasn't even capable of taking care of Karma anymore. Gakushuu wasn't there to experience it, but he witnessed his brother suffering from loneliness and crying most of his childhood. Gakushuu himself had a fair share of loneliness because of how cold and controlling his father became, but at least he had his father there. And in a twisted, sick way, that obsessive control made him feel like his father did care.
Karma's case was different. Mom tried in the beginning but with more time passing, she grew distant, until she started physically avoiding him too. At some point, she found a good job abroad and remarried. Her new husband's name was Akabane, hence Karma's last name now, and he wasn't a bad man. In fact, he was kind enough to actually care for Karma and check on him now and then, when they travelled to Japan.
There was one time when Karma tried to cook for the first time and got himself injured. He was lucky enough that Gakushuu decided to visit that evening. While trying to make a simple curry, he cut himself deep into his palm. It was the first time that Gakushuu fell into such panic. He was scared with all the blood gushing from the wound and genuinely thought his younger brother could die. What, however, scared him even more was the way Karma just hissed in pain and then lifelessly shrugged it off. Dully watched as the red blood oozed from his injury. As if it didn't matter. As if he didn't matter. Gakushuu recovered from the shock promptly and took care of the wound, but that sight stayed with him ever since.
It was also the main reason he asked his father to hire professional chefs to learn cooking from. His intention was to master the skill and then teach it to his younger sibling.
Which proved to be unnecessary, because somehow, Karma got even better.
All that effort for nothing. Seriously, Gakushuu scoffs to himself. What an unpredictable brat.
But well, he'd be lying to say he didn't love it. It took a lot of adapting and rewiring in Gakushuu's brain to realize that the cute little kid who greatly respected him and laughed so innocently turned into this mocking, rebellious little shit. But it suited him. It would have been boring otherwise.
Funnily enough, despite all of the immaturity he liked to display, Karma at the core was quite mature. He'd been forced to grow up because of being deprived of childhood. He had to learn to survive because their parents weren't there to protect them anymore. It kind of makes sense then, that he liked to be doted on and demanded attention from Gakushuu any change given. It's the only time he was allowed to be a child after all.
And Gakushuu, of course, provides him with that comfort. He's taken it upon himself to protect them. And even if it means antagonizing Karma right now, he will protect their futures.
For Karma to be swayed by those failures of E class, for him to throw away such great potential - Gakushuu wouldn't let that happen. Even if it meant forcing him, even if it meant fighting and hurting, he wouldn't let him do things Karma would surely regret later.
But first, the fever.
Gakushuu knew that fevers were actually a good thing, the body's defence mechanism, but the moment it climbed over 39 degrees Celsius, panic settled in. He's probably going to give Karma some medicine, but if it doesn't work, he might have to give him a cold bath. He did that once when his brother was nine and it became a...well, core memory. To put it lightly.
That little shit cried so hard and shouted bloody murder to the point Gakushuu thought he lost his hearing. Which he did. For a whole day and a half, his ears rang nonstop.
What was left for now was to pray there wouldn't be any need to undertake such a drastic measure. He sure as hell doesn't want to suffer through Karma's banshee screams.
