"Gakushuu."
He feels a feather-light touch on the side of his head, combing through his hair.
"Hey."
The calls are hushed, soft enough that it doesn't feel too scary to be pulled from the slumber. Still, he fights it, burying himself further into the blankets and relishing the warmth they provide (it's been a while since something so comforting found its way to him, he missed it).
"I know you're tired but I need you to drink and eat something. Then you can go back to sleep."
The fingers stop caressing him and Gakushuu misses the sensation immediately. However, the hands return, though this time moving up and down his back and tapping gently.
"Come on. Just for a bit. I made you jasmine tea, your favourite."
Jasmine is his favourite. If Gakushuu concentrates enough, he can even smell it. Slowly, he cracks an eye open to confirm.
Karma looks back at him expectantly, though it's a bit hard to tell since the only light in the room comes from small lamp on the desk behind him. He appreciates the dimness though since his head feels like it's stuffed with cotton and barely capable of processing what he sees.
The patting on his back stops once Karma notices he's awake. He brushes Gakushuu's bangs out of his face and repeats: "You need to drink something. And I made you some food too if you're feeling up to it."
If he's feeling up to it?
It's only now that Gakushuu starts regaining some sense of reality and the recollections of their last conversation enter his mind. Shame washes over his whole body like a bucket of ice at the realisation that he not only lashed out but also completely broke down like a baby in front of his younger brother.
On instinct, his body stiffens. He needs to run away. He can't live this down. If there's anything Gakushuu wishes for now, it's for the ground to swallow him whole and erase his embarrassing existence.
Karma notices the change in Gakushuu's state and it immediately rings alarms. Before the strawberry blond even manages to do something rash and stupid like jump out of bed to escape, Karma secures him with both of his hands and reassures him: "Hey, you're fine. Everything's okay. We're at my place, it's 9 p.m. and you're safe. All's good. I have tea for you, soda, water, I can make you hot chocolate too if you want. Also brought miso soup, a lot of onigiris and snacks. I love you, I care about you and I need you to keep that in mind. I'm sorry for everything that happened and hope we can talk about it once you're feeling better."
This onslaught of information stops Gakushuu in his tracks, mostly because it takes him off guard. His brain hasn't regained its usual comprehensive skills yet, but the quiet between them allows those words to linger for so long until he actually processes them. And when he does, Gakushuu deflates, too conflicted to fight back.
Karma's brows furrow lightly, disconcerted by how silent his brother has been. "Are you with me?" He asks after another few minutes of no reaction.
Gakushuu opens his mouth but the actual act of talking is a whole different story. If he answers now, then he'll have to start talking later. And what would he say then? What words should he use to justify himself? He can't think of anything. The prospect of it terrifies him. In fact, it becomes daunting to think of making any sound at all, so he simply stares back with parted lips, struggling as the breaths begin to catch in his throat.
"Hey, hey, hey, don't panic," his brother tries to calm him down, recognising the onset of anxiety. He scooches closer to where Gakushuu lies and pulls him tighter towards himself, almost enveloping him in a hug. He then rubs the spot between Gakushuu's shoulder blades, shushing him. The contact helps, grounding him.
"You're okay, you don't need to talk if you don't want to. Let's just- just drink something first, okay?"
Karma helps him sit up and hands him the mug. As promised, it's jasmine tea. Gakushuu takes a careful sip before realizing that he doesn't need to worry about getting burnt since it's just the right temperature. Letting the warmth spread to his hands and throat, he keeps on drinking until the whole cup is empty.
"Miso?" Karma offers next, voice soft.
Now that Gakushuu has the time to focus on himself, he realizes that he does feel hungry. He hesitantly accepts it and that alone tremendously relieves Karma, allowing him to let out the breath he was holding.
After all, Gakushuu is responsive. Maybe not verbally yet, but he's accepting the things Karma gives him and most importantly neither fleeing nor fighting him. No matter how small (and it absolutely does not feel small right now), it's a win.
Soon, even that bowl returns empty. Karma doesn't hide the happiness on his face and Gakushuu notices it, though he's not entirely sure what to think of it. He supposes though that he doesn't mind it and even accepts the extra Onigiri ball to see that happiness grow.
"It's storebought, sorry, didn't have much time to cook. I will make you a homemade one later," Karma adds sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.
It's not bad and Gakushuu hasn't eaten anything proper in too long to complain anyway.
"No, it's fine."
It comes out easily, probably because Gakushuu finally feels safe and calm enough to not overthink anything anymore. He only realizes that this is the first time he's said anything in the last half an hour only when Karma's eyes widen, full of hope. Thankfully, his brother doesn't put him on the spot by making a big deal out of it.
"No, I want to! Which ones would you like? Actually, forget onigiri. What food would you like? Anything you want," Karma insists a bit too enthusiastically, bouncing on the edge of the bed where he sat.
By now, the brain fog has let up enough for Gakushuu to know what his brother is doing. While he finds it ridiculous, it also implies (confirms) that Karma probably does care about his well-being.
So to test it out, Gakushuu unapologetically declares: "Tonkotsu ramen," knowing that it takes 3 to 4 full days to make.
Karma winces on instinct but recovers just as fast, playing it cool: "Okay. Homemade tonkotsu ramen it is then. Since that's gonna take some time though, anything you'd like before that?"
Talking becomes less daunting from that point on.
Karma goes downstairs to clean up the bowls and cups, though not before strictly prohibiting Gakushuu from leaving the bed. He's not exactly disobeying that order since he's still one leg under covers, but Gakushuu reaches for his school bag splayed on the ground and fishes out his phone.
It's already ten p.m. and he's not home yet. After today's fiasco, he feels unsure of what his father's reaction to that would be, so he checks for any missed calls or texts.
He did receive a text from the chairman. Along with a couple more from the virtuosos, to his surprise. Gakushuu reads those first, just to give himself time to prepare for the storm.
Today's loss sucks but don't take it so seriously, next time we're getting them for sure! from Araki.
He opens the next one, from Koyama:
We're still better than them, one loss means nothing. We're counting on you, leader.
Another one, from Seo:
No one truly believes class E won, they kind of cheated by going out of the boundaries. We're still at the top.
And lastly, from Ren.
Sorry I didn't check on you personally, I was going to but you disappeared. How are you? You looked pretty down, hope you're not taking the loss too badly. You're amazing no matter what.
And suddenly, Gakushuu remembers his own thoughts from earlier today telling him he means nothing to no one.
Are they still true? If so, why were the virtuosos suddenly trying to encourage him? Was this still them trying to get on his good side for their own benefit... or could it be more?
Ren's message stands out the most. So he noticed Gakushuu wasn't doing good. And not only that, he tried to check on him. Why? What would he gain from doing so? Did he simply want to see Gakushuu at his low point?
You're amazing no matter what.
Amazing? Even when he failed?
He stares at the message, rereading it over and over again. Maybe it's not real. Maybe he's still asleep and this is all just a dream that his mind conjured to appease his aching soul.
Maybe he needs to be shocked out of it. Not yet entirely ready for what awaits him, Gakushuu moves to the last text from his father.
It's simple.
Where are you.
That surprises him. Gakushuu would have expected another lecture, an expression of disappointment, maybe even something along the lines of 'Don't bother coming home, you failure'. It definitely would have been more fitting to the image of the chairman Gakushuu has in his head. Anything critical would have been, really. Not this.
It was sent seven minutes ago. At exactly ten in the evening. Gakushuu makes the connection immediately - that's his official curfew, unless he excuses himself beforehand or has a valid reason to be running late. His father wrote the message at ten p.m. sharp, which means that he was probably expecting Gakushuu until the last minute. Why? Was he that annoyed? Was he waiting by the door, ready to read him a list of all the ways Gakushuu is lacking?
Nothing seems to make much sense anymore. Still, first things first, Gakushuu should probably provide an excuse before he angers his father any further. Except he can't think of any.
He returns to the previous message from Ren. It's a desperate idea, but apart from straight up confessing he's staying at Karma's place and exposing them, it's the only option.
He starts typing.
I'm alright, thank you for the message. This is going to be unusual of me and I can't tell you much, but can I make a request? Between the two of us.
Ren is the closest to a friend he has. They've never crossed the line of actual, carefree friendship, but they do spend enough time together to know each other a bit more beyond just school. There's no one else he'd even consider turning to for this. Still, Gakushuu almost gets nauseous from the apprehension, unfamiliar with showing this much vulnerability.
Not even a full minute later, he receives an answer.
Yeah, of course. What's up?
Gakushuu writes out the message, meticulously choosing his words.
Can you cover for me and say I'm staying over at your place? Just this one time.
Sure, but where are you? Are you okay?!
Ren wanting to know where Gakushuu is - if not home - makes sense. The concern in his other question, not so much.
Yes, I'm fine. Just want to get some time out.
Then, he adds:
Please.
And thankfully, the virtuoso accepts it.
After that, Gakushuu finally replies to his father with the excuse of staying over at Ren's so that the two of them can work on their assignments together. He receives no reply back which isn't untypical of the chairman, but it still makes Gakushuu slightly paranoid.
Before he can overthink it though, the doors open, almost making Gakushuu jump out of his skin. Karma sees the phone immediately since the room is still dark and the bright screen is a clear giveaway.
"What are you doing?" he asks, anxious about what negativity his brother could have found on the device during Karma's short absence. He drags his chair to the bed and settles on it while scanning Gakushuu for any signs of distress.
"Answering to texts. Father demanded to know where I was-"
"You're not going back," Karma interjects, jumping to the conclusion that Gakushuu decided he needed to return. "I don't care what he says or if he finds out about me, I'm not letting you go back. Not until you're feeling better-"
"I'm not. I wrote to him I'm staying over at Ren's."
"Oh." Hearing this relieves him. Karma lets out a deep breath, nodding. "Okay. Good. Great."
That gives them one night. Which still isn't nearly enough.
"Let's skip school tomorrow. You can relax. We'll stay at my place and I- I will fix... we can- we have to talk-"
"I can't skip school," Gakushuu refuses outright and for once it's him who sounds more collected out of the two of them.
"But-" Karma stutters, hopelessly trying to find the right words. "You aren't- you're not doing good. You need to rest up and take a break from everything and we need to talk and-"
Despite the fact that Karma is supposed to be the pillar in this situation, he sure does not act like it anymore. Especially after the conversation with Nakamura and an additional few hours to himself to sort out his thoughts, Karma should be more eloquent, stronger and steadier with his words. Yet in the face of his brother, all the composure he maintained throughout the whole evening leaves him, once again reducing him to trembles.
Gakushuu notices the quiver of his lips. He looks into golden eyes and declares: "I'm fine, Karma. You don't need to worry."
"No, no, I do." Karma shakes his head vigorously. "I'm worried. You're not fine. I don't want to make another mistake. I don't want to lose you, Gakushuu, I'm sorry. I love you. Please don't leave."
The dam breaks again and Karma is spilling tears like an idiot. He berates himself for it, rubbing the wetness out of his face in a vain effort to stop crying, but he can't. The memory of Gakushuu on the roof enters his mind again, followed by the pain of potentially being left behind, of not having his brother by his side anymore and it all being Karma's fault.
He feels a hand taking his own - Gakushuu's hand, warm and alive - and he looks up, still sobbing.
"Karma, I'm not going anywhere," his brother says, squeezing. "You're not losing me."
Still, it's like the redhead doesn't even hear it. He clutches Gakushuu's hand as if it's the only thing tethering him to this world, whimpering. "I'm sorry for everything. I didn't intend to ignore you or to make you feel neglected, things just got so busy in class. It's also the first time I made proper friends and I got caught up in my own world. I'm sorry. My friends are important to me but you're the most important person in my life. I swear your life means so much more than you think. Please believe me."
The sight of his baby brother falling apart like this makes Gakushuu's heart swell, bringing tears to his own eyes. But Gakushuu doesn't cry, can't allow himself to be any more pathetic than he had already been, so he cups his brother's face and firmly declares: "I believe you, Karma. Deep down I know you wouldn't intentionally hurt me.""
He does now, after snapping out of the depressive haze. It's still difficult to wrap his mind around the fact that failing doesn't completely devalue his worth as a person, but at the very least, he knows that Karma does care about him.
"And I wasn't lying before. I wasn't going to jump. I felt terrible, it crossed my mind, but I wouldn't have done it. Even though things aren't exactly great right now either, I do feel better. And calmer. I promise."
Without a warning, Karma lunges at him with his whole body and wraps himself around Gakushuu like a koala. They both fall back to the bed, an awkward lump of tangled limbs, but Gakushuu doesn't fight it, allowing his brother to bawl into the crook of his neck.
"I still want you to skip school and stay with me tomorrow," Karma demands, though the words are muffled and terribly congested.
"You know I can't. I'm the student council president and people would ask questions. I'm doing this to protect you too."
"I don't care, say you got sick. And even if our father somehow figures out you were at my place, I don't care. He can do nothing to me that would be worse than losing you." His hold around Gakushuu tightens.
"For the last time, you're not losing me."
It's getting a bit harder to breathe again.
"Then I'm skipping my classes and following you to school."
"And how would you explain that to everyone?"
To that, he receives the most ridiculous answer: "I'm gay and newly developed a crush on the wonderful, charming Asano Gakuskuu-kun, therefore I wish to spend every second gazing at his beautiful face for the rest of my life."
Gakushuu punches Karma in the side and hurls him off the bed. There are goosebumps spreading through his whole body.
"Don't ever say that again. I'm gonna throw up!"
At last, the anguish leaves Karma's face. "You can't stop me."
Turns out, he doesn't even have to.
Karma keeps his promise of skipping his classes and follows Gakushuu around, but thankfully he does it discreetly. It's almost terrifying how well he can disguise himself - at first, Gakushuu doesn't recognize him at all with the janitor's clothes and almost kicks his head off in shock upon being grabbed. The second time, his brother blends in so well he looks like any other student and while Gakushuu manages to catch a glimpse of red under the cap (not many people in their school have red hair after all), it's only because Karma intentionally came close to him.
Frankly, Gakushuu has no idea how his brother is doing it all. Karma's definitely not physically there during class and yet he knows everything Gakushuu did there, even sending reactions and comments to the things that happen in real time. It's creepy, like being stalked by some invisible force, but on some level, he appreciates the dedication.
Still, it's hard to stop the intrusive thoughts.
Every person Gakushuu passes greets him, smiles at him just like always. Girls stare at him when they think he doesn't notice, guys keep trying to talk him into joining their group dates or their clubs. Nothing has changed, no one mentioned anything about yesterday - and yet in his head, they're all laughing at him. Sneering behind his back, whispering about how the supposed Ace fell from grace, tumbled down from his throne and became the fool.
Gakushuu dutifully carries on with his tasks though, keeping up the mask of perfection and not giving away even the slightest hint of what he might be feeling. Or so he thinks until Ren approaches him during a longer break.
"You sure you're alright?"
Gakushuu realizes he's absent-mindedly staring at his desk again. The question takes him aback and he still doesn't know how to react to anyone expressing interest over his well-being. "Yes," he answers on instinct, probably a bit too fast.
His classmate doesn't say anything at first and Gakushuu expects him to simply accept the answer and move along with his day. No point in digging into the matter anyway.
Yet Ren doesn't. He sits down on a nearby chair and looks the strawberry blond in the eyes: "This may be uncalled for and maybe I'm wrong, in which case you have every right to tell me off, but…" he fidgets, "You look bothered. By what happened yesterday."
More than touched, Gakushuu is curious about where the virtuoso is going with this, so he lets him continue.
"I'm obviously nowhere near your level, but I remember my first time losing a literature competition. I've been the consistent winner until then, but that year, some kid got eight whole points more than me. It was humiliating and I felt like the whole world was talking about it and making fun of me. Took me some time to get over it."
Gakushuu breaks away from the gaze in discomfort. This hits a bit too close to home.
"Just wanted to make sure you weren't thinking the same. People admire you not only because you're always at the top, but also because of all the work you put into everything. I know that I do. And the virtuosos too."
"Thanks." He clears his throat, mustering up all his acting skills to appear nonchalant. "I appreciate it, Ren. Don't worry, I'm alright."
He's not sure how much of it is true and how much is a lie.
"You know Sakakibara-kun's right," Karma whispers to his ear later, seemingly appearing out of thin air.
"Jesus fucking Christ, where did you come from?! No, scratch that, how do you know about my conversations?! You weren't even there!"
His brother shrugs, feigning innocence.
Gakushuu pats himself down for any recording devices.
Karma keeps up this spy thing for another two days. To be more precise, till Friday. The little shit would most likely carry on for even longer if it weren't for the weekend. But even then, Gakushuu isn't spared. If his brother isn't following him around, then Gakushuu's being dragged to his house and kept there for as long as possible.
He doesn't even have time to feel miserable anymore since he's too busy fighting his clingy brother off. Any lingering doubts of Karma caring about him have evaporated - no, they have been mercilessly annihilated.
Just like Gakushuu's privacy.
"Is that homework? Didn't you say you did that yesterday evening?" Karma throws a glance at what Gakushuu's working on.
He groans. Being monitored this closely is becoming too much. Not only that, Karma never fails to notice any inconsistencies and Gakushuu can no longer get away with lying.
"I couldn't concentrate."
"Why?"
Because he didn't sleep well the night before (or last night) and felt too exhausted by the end of the day, obviously. But if he says that, Karma will throw a fit and chain him to the bed. So he sighs exasperatedly and dodges the answer: "Stop pestering me. I'm this close to strangling you."
Karma scrunches his nose in annoyance and they measure each other for a moment before the redhead finally gives in. "Fine. I'm gonna make some tea, Mr. Grumpy," he declares before disappearing to the kitchen.
Gakushuu admits he's acting a bit grumpy, but he is tired. Although he no longer feels constantly on edge at school (which may or may not be thanks to Ren's encouragement), his home situation does not improve much.
The chairman hasn't said anything about Gakushuu's supposed impromptu sleepover at Ren's. The next evening, when they reunited at the doorsteps, his father only looked him up and down and then walked back to his office. Not a single word, not one grimace.
It unnerved him. His father always had something to say, especially after Gakushuu fell short of his expectations. Yet after that demonstration at the office, the man has neither come close to him nor lectured him about… anything. If Gakushuu didn't know better, he would interpret it as his father simply giving him space, maybe even being considerate... but that made no sense.
Something was wrong. Gakushuu's stomach churned at the possibilities. Was his father simply so disappointed that he gave up and decided to ignore Gakushuu's existence altogether? Or was he plotting something?
He can't tell. Sometimes, when he's at school, Gakushuu has a feeling there are eyes on the back of his head, a burning gaze from high up in the principal's office. He feels like a mouse on a field, helpless and blind to the dangers… until it's too late and the hawk snaps his neck.
It's also for this very reason that he wants to shake Karma off. The longer his brother follows him around, the higher risk they run that their father notices.
"You haven't written a single thing since I left."
Those words startle him. Somehow, Karma is standing beside him again, two mugs in his hands. He raises an eyebrow quizzically, but Gakushuu has nothing to defend himself with.
"Whatever. Here's your tea. I made chamomile this time."
He accepts, breathing out in relief. While it does get irritating how frequently Karma starts to see through him ever since the incident, he also gets a better hang of when to press matters with Gakushuu and when to let them go.
However, Gakushuu supposes it's about time they finally set a few things straight.
He takes a few sips to collect his thoughts. It tastes a bit funny, kind of bitter, but it buys him enough time without making it awkward so he keeps on drinking. It's only half a cup later that he finally manages to speak up.
"I'm sorry."
This earns him Karma's full attention.
"I haven't told you that. I'm sorry for scaring you. And for blaming you for everything. It was unfair and probably weighed on you a lot. But you were right, I was the only one responsible for my problems."
Before Karma tries to placate him with sweet words, Gakushuu continues: "I should have come clean and told you how I was feeling instead of bottling it up and then letting it all get out of hand. I don't think I hated your class as much as I just hated myself for not being enough."
"That's not true, you're more than enough-"
"I feel like it. All the time. In my head, if I don't have my achievements, then I have nothing. Because I'm never good enough for father, not loveable enough for mother and so easily replaceable to you," Gakushuu confesses. Those are his deepest, most desolate feelings and he's baring them open for the first time. It's terrifying, dreadful to be honest. No matter how much tea he drinks, his throat still dries up.
"I know it's probably not entirely true. I believe you when you say that I'm important to you and that you care. You've made that more than clear by now. I also don't really believe I'm that worthless anymore. Or at least I'm working on it. I'm just trying to explain to you why I was acting the way I had been."
Karma stares at him with watery eyes, but this time they bear more than just sorrow. There's determination shining through. He nods upon realizing that Gakushuu doesn't have more to say.
"Thanks for letting me know. And I'll tell you as much as you want: there's no one I can ever replace you with. You're enough, no matter what. Father has fucking issues and he can kiss our ass. Mother…" Karma trails off, a bit hesitant. "She's never here, not even for me. It has nothing to do with how loveable or worthwhile you are. If it did, then I'm also not loveable enough for her to stay."
"Doesn't she call or talk to you at all?" Gakushuu asks since the two of them never discuss the other parent anymore.
Karma chews on his lip. "She tries. I'm just… not in the mood anymore. She still texts me. She used to ask about you too, by the way. But us being together is a secret so I never told her anything."
That… is a new information. All these years, Gakushuu thought their mother had forgotten about his existence. His brain tries to work it out, to come to some conclusion… but about what? What would he want to achieve by it anyway?
He doesn't know. It's suddenly so tiring to think, let alone make up such meaningless scenarios in his head. Deciding that he's had enough for now, Gakushuu sighs and puts down the empty cup, resting his forehead in the palm of his hand.
"Are you okay?"
Karma walks up to him and wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer. Gakushuu feels woozy at this point so he gives in, leaning on his brother's body and closing his eyes.
"Yeah."
And for once, he's not lying.
Bonus scene:
When Gakushuu wakes up, it's already evening. He doesn't remember dozing off, but he's not complaining either - those four hours of sleep he got were probably the most peaceful four hours he's had in the last few weeks.
However, what greets him is quite a... shocking sight.
"Are you studying?" He rasps out, watching as his brother scribbles something in a notebook.
Karma almost jumps out of his skin. He thought Gakushuu would sleep through the whole night considering how exhausted he seemed, so the sudden question shocks him.
"No, of course not," he answers at last.
"You're doing homework." Gakushuu points at the paper. Then he actually looks at it. It is awfully similar to-
"Not mine."
"What the hell?!" the strawberry blond rushes to the desk, though his legs get tangled in the blankets. "Why are you doing my schoolwork?!"
"I felt generous. By the way, your piled-up student council shit is done too, it's over there." Karma points at a stash of sheets on the other side of the table. "Why are you doing all these things like budgeting, planning and proofing? Aren't there more of you on the committee? Everyone with their own job and all?"
"Yes, but I can't just rely on-"
"Yes, you can. In fact you should," Karma stresses, pointing with his pen. "But whatever, it's done. And if you give me a minute, the homework will be too-"
Gakushuu snatches the notebook immediately, remembering that it's his. He scans it in absolute horror.
"Don't worry, it's all correct. And I made sure to write in the same style as you do," his brother declares.
"Impossible, your handwriting is anything but legible."
Karma is ready to argue. He pulls out one example of Gakushuu's handwriting and compares it to what he did: "See for yourself."
Which he does.
And slowly, Gakushuu's eyes widen even more. "What the hell?" There's barely any difference. Sure, here and there he finds a few inconsistencies, but aside from that, the two are practically identical.
"I can write nicely if I want to. The only problem is that most of the time, I don't want to."
They look at each other in silence.
Right. Okay. Enough for today. Gakushuu's had enough of emotions, revelations and whatnots. He sighs, surrendering to his fate and reaches for the half-empty cup on the desk on instinct.
"You didn't finish your tea?" Gakushuu raises an eyebrow and takes a sip.
"I don't really like them." Karma grimaces.
That's true. He hadn't seen Karma willingly drink tea before until he started making them for Gakushuu recently. And even then, his brother probably only drank them to connect with him.
"Huh," suddenly he frowns, confused. He takes another sip and concentrates on the flavour. "Mine was different. I thought the brand was just bad but yours tastes like normal chamomile."
Karma freezes. Shit, he thinks.
And shit indeed, because Gakushuu catches up quickly. It all makes sense now, the bitter taste, how he managed to fall asleep so easily...
"Did you drug me?"
Ah yes, who doesn't casually pop a few sleeping drugs into their older brother's cup of tea upon noticing how stressed out and tired he is while battling with chronic insomnia? Hm? What? Just Karma? Huh.
(for legal reasons, I do not condone this behaviour)
Anyway, this was a huge indulgence of a chapter. Ngl, I was starting to overthink and wonder if it was getting too long and if it would bore you (or make you cringe). But at the same time, I absolutely love angst and fluff and I just want to wrap Gakushuu in the fuzziest blankets and spoon-feed him honey because my boy deserves all the love. Alas, he's fictional and I cannot do that, so I'm letting Karma do the job.
To my defense, before ya'll give me fire for making Gakushuu pathetic (I apologize, but it had to be done), Shuu's vulnerability right after he wakes up isn't completely baseless. Personally, sometimes when I'm not in the best place, even the thought of making any noise seems terrifying. It makes your existence real and by extension, it makes the pain real too. I don't know if I'm describing it right, but somehow staying quiet and not acknowledging anything serves as a temporary comfort. I suppose that's what he resorted to, before Karma coaxed him out of his shell with food.
