So guys, I did some planning and have to let you know that most probably in 4-5 chapters, this fic will be finished. Of course, it's not fixed or anything (I'm actually not emotionally ready either) but we're nearing the canonical end as well and I thought it'd be wise to give you a heads-up. After all these years, this fic deserves rest too :')

You're allowed to cuss me out to your heart's content


As if meeting his mother after ten years of being estranged wasn't enough, none of the calls or texts Gakushuu's been sending to Karma have been answered. It makes him more anxious than it probably should - they've gone for days without contact before after all, what's a few hours? Still, he decides to walk up the mountain and see what's going on.

However, he doesn't need to go very far. Just barely at the middle point of the hike, Gakushuu notices a whole bunch of people walking down. It's the class E, he realizes, though not all of them. From the hair alone, he can already recognize some figures, most notably Kayano Kaede and Nakamura Rio. Gakushuu supposes that if focuses somewhere around those two, he should be able to find either Karma himself or Shiota Nagisa, who usually stuck to the redhead's side anyway.

Truth to his words, it doesn't take a long time to spot them. His younger brother's arm rests on the blue-haired boy's shoulders, and he's saying something with a mischievous grin. The latter doesn't seem bothered, in fact, he appears to be enjoying the contact, judging from the bright smile. They're surrounded by their classmates, who are so engrossed in the conversation that they don't even notice Gakushuu even though he stands barely a hundred meters away from them.

However, Karma catches a glimpse of him right away.

"Gakushuu!" The redhead lets go of his small friend and leaps forward. He sprints down so fast that when he tries to go for a hug, he actually collides with his older brother. Hard. Gakushuu fails to brace the impact and falls on his back with that idiot on him.

"Karma, what got into you!" He hears Shiota's voice from behind.

"Ohoho, look who we have here," Nakamura Rio follows, her tone an exact copy of Karma's when he's plotting something. "It's the older brother! Hi, Gaku-nii!"

Gakushuu lifts himself up and gives her a disgusted frown: "Please don't ever call me that." And then immediately berates the heavy weight on his chest: "You little shit, was that necessary?!"

The redhead sticks his tongue out but doesn't let go. It's only then that Gakushuu sees the injuries and blood on Karma's face as well as the faint bruising on his neck. Obvious signs of assault, a pretty brutal one as well. His heart sinks at the realisation and he cups the boy's face to get a better look at him.

"What the- what happened to you? What's all this blood? Who did this to you?!" He seethes, ready to kill whoever dared to hurt Karma.

"Oh? Oh. Uh,..." the redhead stutters, "Well, you see-"

"I did," Shiota Nagisa gingerly raises his hand and both siblings turn to him in surprise. Karma because he didn't expect the boy to actually confess and Gakushuu because- well, it's Shiota. The boy looked like he'd get swept by the wind if it blew just a bit stronger. As if he could actually do any damage to Karma.

"Yeah, right. And I'm Mother Teresa," the strawberry blond deadpans.

"Actually, you're a mother hen," his brother chimes in, a bit too proud of the joke.

Gakushuu shoots him a glare.

"I'm serious. Whoever did this to you is going to get a good beating from me. Spill, now."

At those words, Shiota backs away, all colour draining from his face. From behind him another boy - Sugino Tomohito yelps: "Oah! Scary!"

Witnessing this, Nakamura laughs out loud: "You know, they literally just made up! After all that, would you seriously kill poor Nagisa in cold blood like that?"

Gakushuu's really confused by now. He turns back to Karma with arched eyebrows.

Finally, the redhead starts talking.

"We, uh, we had a fight," he states, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. "You know, the usual. A good, soul-freeing, healthy brawl between bros. Right, Nagisa?" He nods to his friend.

"Right. Just the usual," Nagisa replies, though he sounds like he's being held at gunpoint. Which would have probably been more preferable to being subjected to Asano Gakushuu's murderous gaze. Seriously. He's had assassins go after his neck before but somehow, the student council president topped them all.

"Besides, I willingly let him hit me. And I also roughed him up pretty bad. We're even. Calm down, Gakushuu." Karma puts his own hands over Gakushuu's and pulls them down, smiling. It's genuine and soft and it does the trick at placating the strawberry blond.

"Fine," Gakushuu huffs. He shifts to stand up and pulls the redhead with him. "But if this brat comes home battered like this again, I'll personally end whoever had a hand in it. We clear on that?"

All the boys in their group nod wordlessly. The girls hold back chuckles.

"Never expected you to be the overprotective type, Asano-kun," Kayano suddenly exclaims from behind Nakamura. She looks wary of him, all the while beckoning Nagisa to get away from him and join her.

Next to him, Karma sharply inhales, getting ready to deliver a monumental speech: "You don't even know! Gakushuu is such a mom! He nags me all the time about food, sleep and school and he's such a worrywart despite his looks! Once, he broke a kid's arm because he pushed m-"

"Alright, enough," Gakushuu instantly interrupts, hiding his embarrassment in a pretence of annoyance. Why was Karma saying all this? What did he get out of this? Did he just feel so elated about their siblingship no longer being a secret that he had to out every single fucking aspect of their life?

"Damn, that cold-hearted, steps-on-anyone-in-his-way Asano Gakushuu?" Maehara whistles in disbelief. Gakushuu sharply turns to him with a challenging look and the boy shuts up, apologizing. Twice. Just for sure.

"Also, he's so soft when it comes to me-"

"I said that's enough-"

"When I get sick, he runs around like my personal maid-"

"Karma used to call me every damn night to fall asleep because he missed me so much he cried and needed me to comfort him!" He screams, loud for everyone to hear and his younger brother finally stops. Gakushuu usually wouldn't be comfortable sharing such a personal fact, but it becomes worth it as the words sink in and Karma's cheeks become two shades redder.

"I- What?! No, that's not true, I never-"

"He whines like a baby when I tell him to eat his vegetables!"

"Okay, stop!" Karma tries to silence the strawberry blond by putting a hand over his mouth. It soon escalates into a wrestling match that he (mostly due to his injuries) quickly loses. "I'm sorry! I take it back, you're not a mom, okay? You're a super strong, tough macho guy who doesn't get soft ever!"

The sight of the two brothers fighting and teasing each other brings a smile to everyone's faces. It's such an unexpected and bizarre situation - the class' demon king turning into a flustered child in a split second and the school's well-respected and feared student council president sinking the level of said child and tormenting him.

Nakamura, of course, takes a video of it all.

"Alright, alright. I give up!" Karma lifts his arms up in defeat. When Gakushuu lets go of him, he dusts himself off and then shoots a glare at everyone present: "You never saw this, got that?"

Nakamura hides the phone.

The redhead sends her a dirty look and she feigns innocence, looking up at the sky and whistling. He's torn between lunging at her to get ahold of the device and deleting whatever amount of blackmail material she just gathered but decides he's going to take care of that later. For now:

"Well? What's up? Why did you come to meet me?" Karma refocuses on strawberry blond.

Oh. Right. Gakushuu can't believe he almost forgot the... family situation. His expression darkens immediately and it doesn't escape Karma's attention.

"Something happened," the younger boy says, more of a statement than a question.

"I couldn't get ahold of you. You weren't replying to my texts either. I was worried. And we need to talk."

The previous glee all but vanishes from Karma's face. Right away, he asks his classmates to go ahead without him and they hesitantly comply. It warms his heart when they tell him that they're there for him should he need anything and he gives them a reassuring smile.

Soon it's just the two of them. The air around suddenly feels oppressive and apprehension seeps into Karma's bones.

He musters up the courage and addresses the issue at hand: "I forgot to charge my phone yesterday, so I haven't been getting any calls. Sorry. What's going on?"

Gakushuu hesitates, unsure of how to break the news. Their mother must have definitely tried to get ahold of Karma to let him know of her return, so Gakushuu worried that he'd find the boy either really distressed or, well, not find him at all. It really shocked him then to see the redhead all happy-go-lucky with his class just a moment ago instead. What a damn coincidence, really, that the one time their mother decides to come back, Karma's phone dies.

Gakushuu supposes there's no point in beating around the bush.

"Mom is back," He states outright.

Silence.

Karma gawks at him for a minute straight and Gakushuu wonders if the boy even heard him.

"Karma," he nudges the redhead. "Hey. Earth to Karma. Anyone home?" he waves a hand in front of him. Once again, the morbid humour in him wants to answer his own question by saying 'Yes, mom. Mom is home' to maybe provoke some life out of him.

There's no need though, since he does stir a bit later.

"What?" Karma stammers bewilderly. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Mom is back. I saw her talking to father at school. Heard a part of their conversation. It seems she found out about him wanting to gain custody of you and came back to fight him."

"Mom?" Karma scoffs. "The same mom that left me alone here for years? Coming back to fight over me? What is this, a fever dream? Am I sick again?"

Gakushuu pushes back the urge to correct Karma's belief that she abandoned him without thought. He's sure the redhead would be defensive about it, so he stores it in the back of his mind for later. One information at a time.

"She intends to contest custody over both of us. She mentioned using abuse towards me in her case against him."

"Well, she wouldn't be wrong about that."

"He didn't abuse me though."

Karma rolls his eyes. "He wasn't the most physically nor emotionally welcoming person either." Then, he sighs and starts walking down the path back to the city. "So? What's the plan? What do we do?"

Gakushuu runs up to him, careful not to slip. It's so dark by now that he barely sees anything despite the warm lamp lights.

"I don't know. I don't know what mom is like anymore, at this point. And father has changed a lot too. I don't know who the right choice is. And honestly, I..." he trails off, emotions bubbling inside of him.

Karma finishes the thought for him: "You can't choose. Am I right?"

Gakushuu nods. Not only can he not choose, he doesn't want to. It's yet another admission of weakness from him, but he's learnt to let go of that pride and shame. And most importantly, to let go of the need to be in control and shoulder all his burdens alone. "I know that you haven't forgiven any of them and I respect that. That's why I want to ask you what you want to do."

Karma casts his gaze downwards in thought. Gakushuu doesn't rush him, because that's a difficult question. He doesn't expect Karma to answer nor does he expect either of them to come up with any solution right away.

Suddenly, his younger brother lets out a frustrated groan. "Agh, I have no idea!"

Then, a bit more softly, he confesses: "I don't trust our father yet. Deep inside I know that people can change and that he's probably trying, but I don't know if I'm ready to accept that. It'd be too easy for him after he ruined our family and after all he's done to you. It feels unfair."

Those words move the strawberry blond. He remembers how Karma claimed that he didn't have the same kind of kindness in him to forgive as Gakushuu did, but he disagrees. The way Gakushuu sees it, not forgiving was part of Karma's kindness which wished to keep those he loves safe at all cost.

Gakushuu understands his brother's point too. He felt this way as well, and probably still does sometimes, but unlike Karma who's seen the man as nothing but a danger all these years, Gakushuu still found a father in him. A wicked, messed up father, a tyrant to overthrow, but a father nevertheless.

"I used to hate Mom too, for the longest time. I realize now that she probably left because she thought it was for the best for me, but it wasn't. I was a fucking kid, you know? I was mad and emotional and gave her a hard time, sure, but I was still her kid. And then she left me here with some caretaker. I just lost a dad, got separated from you and then Mom decided to leave too. And after all these years, how can she just march in here and suddenly claim she cares about us so much she wants us back? That's so unfair. After she left you with Father and me with some stranger, that's so unfair."

Karma's gritting his teeth so hard right now that it makes Gakushuu's heart clench. He reaches for the redhead and pulls him into a gentle embrace.

"I get it," he whispers, patting the boy's back. "You have every right to feel the way you do. You don't need to decide now. We will figure it out, okay?"

"Yeah," Karma mutters. "Thanks." He hugs back and stays like that for a while.

When he composes himself again, they continue walking back home. Karma's been rather occupied by his own thoughts, so he failed to realize that this must have been difficult for Gakushuu too. When he does though, he internally berates himself and asks his brother:

"So... you met her. Mom, I mean. Are you alright?"

It's been years, after all. And while Gakushuu never outright said he felt abandoned or upset about her leaving, Karma knows that his older brother must have been affected just the same.

The question surprises the strawberry blond. Still, he firmly replies: "Yeah, just a bit shocked. But I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

A bit relieved, Karma nods. They soon reach the point where they have to part ways. Gakushuu offers to go to his house with him so that Karma doesn't have to face their mother alone but rejects the offer. He can do this, after all. He wasn't a child anymore.

However, despite saying all of that, he hesitates before entering his home. It's not like he could go anywhere else though, so he opens the doors and steps in. For the first time in who knows how long, the lights are on, there's another pair of shoes at the entrance and the smell of freshly cooked rice fills the air.

"Ah, Karma. Welcome home. I was getting worried-" His mother emerges from the kitchen, her voice just the same as he remembers. Her hair is short, but apart from that, barely anything has changed. And yet so much has.

Karma can't stop staring at her despite the fact that he already prepared himself for this. Despite knowing that she was going to greet him, despite knowing that she'd appear right in front of him as if she never disappeared in the first place-

And he still isn't ready.

His mother notices the affliction painted over his face along with the state he is in, bruises and cuts all over his body, and her eyes widen in concern: "What happened to you? Are you o-"

He doesn't let her finish and bolts all the way to his room, promptly shutting the door behind him and locking it. He hears her following him, even knocking and trying to coax him into walking out and talking to her, but he doesn't answer. Even as she announces she made dinner and brings it up to his room, claiming he doesn't need to eat it with her, he doesn't reply. She leaves some gauze as well, but Karma doesn't take it.

At some point, she apologizes. Her tone is soft, reminiscent of a hushed lullaby she used to sing him.

Karma's on the verge of tears by then. He realizes how miserably he's missed her. And how terribly he's angry at her.

"Please leave me alone," he croaks out finally. "I need some time."

At last, she relents.

Karma remains locked in his room the whole evening.

The dinner in front of his door, untouched, turns cold.


The next day, Karma stays behind in class.

"Karma-kun?" Koro-sensei queries in curiosity. It was quite a rarity that his student decided to spontaneously seek him out for some quality time together after all.

But other than that, he's noticed the glum hanging over the boy's head.

"Is something the matter?" The teacher stands up and approaches him.

The boy looks down and his whole body is tense, which does nothing to soothe Koro-sensei's worries. He notices the bruises angrily blooming on his skin, a result of yesterday's fight, but what cannot be explained are the dark circles under his eyes. Karma looks miserable and his voice sounds no better:

"Sensei," he mutters, so silently that Koro-sensei almost misses it. "I think I need some advice."

Koro-sensei hums in acknowledgement. He has an inkling of what this may be about and is grateful that his student trusted him enough to seek him out for help.

"Is it related to your mother's return, Karma-kun?"

The redhead's brows shoot up in shock. "How do you know about that?"

Koro-sensei becomes embarrassed. "Well, you see, sensei has to keep an eye on his students, right? So of course, I have to make sure you get home safe! Especially in the dark, walking down the mountain, it's very dangerous! So, you see, I-"

"You stalk us every day when we go home?!" Karma's lips contort into a grimace, half in disbelief and half in horror.

"No! Of course not! I just swish by now and then to see if everyone's alright and-"

"That's creepy, Koro-sensei. I'm going to report you for harassment," Karma declares, demonstratively holding out his phone. He's teasing, of course, his teacher's antics not surprising him at all. The octopus's face turns all shades of the rainbow as he desperately tries to justify himself, tentacles flying in a frenzy. Simultaneously, all signs of anguish disappear from the boy's posture which Koro-sensei doesn't fail to notice.

"I apologize for eavesdropping, Karma-kun. I just flew by when I noticed you were with Asano-kun and curiosity got the better of me." He turns serious then. "I didn't intend to breach your privacy like that, but sensei was worried. I hope you won't hate me for that."

Karma's taken aback by the sudden honesty, but he appreciates it. It's nice to know that someone cared about him so much that they actually checked on him this way. It makes him disgustingly emotional, so he fakes nonchalance to hide it: "All good. At least it saves me the trouble of explaining."

It really does. He can skip the whole explanation about the legal battle between his parents and go straight to the point.

"I don't know what to feel anymore, sensei. I don't even care about who wins what because I hate them both anyway. But at the same time, it hurts to hate them. I'm tired of this pain but I can't let go of it." He confesses, burying his face into the palms of his hands. "I'm probably not making any sense anymore."

Koro-sensei doesn't answer right away. He tugs at the redhead to look up at him and instead suggests: "What about we go out for a bit?"

Karma, albeit confused, nods and soon they're flying the skies above their city. The teacher seems on the lookout and once he spots his target, immediately transports them there.

They find themselves at Kunugigaoka's highest building, more specifically under the chairman's office windows. Koro-sensei beckons for Karma to stay quiet, extends one of his tentacles to attach it to the glass and then transforms the proximal part of that limb into a shape similar to a loudspeaker. Somehow, the physics works out and the voice of Asano Gakuho emanates from it.

"-that I can't back down from this. Those boys deserve to have someone watch over them. I know I've made many mistakes and I regret them, I really do. That's why I want to atone. And if blaming and hating me for everything that's happened to them makes it easier for them, I'll gladly take that role too."

Karma sends his teacher a questioning look. What was he trying to achieve?

"I admire the fact that you can admit being wrong, after all those years. But that doesn't change the fact that they're my children too. And I will never give them up like this. Not again. I was too devastated back then to fight for both of them and I regret it every day."

Karma's breath hitches. His mother is there too. They were listening in to their conversation.

"I know you love them, but you left. Your permanent residence is in Singapore. Even if you gain full custody of them, what's the point? They won't leave their lives behind to follow you, not after ten years of your absence."

"I do day trading, it doesn't matter where I do that from, Singapore or Japan."

"And what does your new partner have to say about that?"

There's an uncomfortable silence. Then, the woman scoffs: "New partner? He's my husband. We've been married for years, Gakuho. What's up with that tone, are you angry about me trying to live a normal life?"

"I never remarried after you divorced me," his voice comes out accusatory.

"And I never had children after you robbed me of mine."

They're at a stalemate. Karma's heart beats loudly in his chest and the way he's pressed to Koro-sensei's body, it can't escape the teacher's attention either.

"I really loved you, you know?" His father says brokenly.

"So did I. But we're not doing this again, Gakuho. Your obsession with 'strength' and 'perfection' was what ended our marriage, I was just the one to make it official."

The man inhales deeply, his breath hitching.

"You know, all those years I've accepted that it was solely me who broke our family because I loved you too much to ever even consider otherwise. I couldn't bear the possibility that you played any part in our marriage crumbling, because that would mean you left willingly. And admitting that would shatter me because I would have never been able to leave you."

There's a sound of pacing, followed by a shaken question:

"What do you want to say by that?"

The chairman speaks slowly:

"My oldest student, a child I taught and treasured like my own committed suicide. I was broken and lost all sense of self and the least you could have done was be there for me. I never asked anything of you but you were my wife and I trusted you, I needed you. Yet all you did was keep a distance, wash your hands off the topic and avoid me like you always avoid all your problems. And one would have thought that after all that, after all those years, you'd have learnt to face them. But no, you avoided Karma too, you tried to forget about Gakushuu. But it never worked, did it?"

Hearing this, both Karma and his mother are left stunned. Karma because he's never heard this side of the story before - all he knew was that their father changed and drove them away. But now, on some level, he understood what Gakuho meant too. It was easier to blame the man rather than think that his mother left on her own accord. Because if she did, does that mean she didn't love them enough? It hurt less to think there was one big bad responsible for all problems and that everyone else was the victim, including Mom who abandoned Karma.

But she wasn't. She was equally guilty.

And the way his mother doesn't find it in herself to even deny it confirms it.

With that, however, comes another realisation.

His father didn't suffer any less than any of them.

Karma feels overwhelmed. He doesn't want to hear any more of this, at least not now. He tugs at Koro-sensei's robe and whispers: "Take me away. Please."

And so he does. The teacher flies them to a park instead of back to their classroom, much to Karma's puzzlement. Before he can protest though, he spots a stray dog.

Suddenly, Koro-sensei starts: "Sometimes, there's more to the story than we think. And in deciding what we should think or feel, it's important to know it."

Karma hums in acknowledgement. He also suspects that whatever Koro-sensei is about to say will make him emotional again and doesn't trust himself to uphold the calmness he was so desperately trying to maintain. That's why he plasters his gaze on the dog. It seems to have injured its leg some time ago, judging from the scabs around the wound, but for some reason, the dog keeps compulsively licking it.

It's an unsettling sight. Licking wounds is normal behaviour, Karma's aware, but the way that stray does it only reopens the injury and delays the healing. He wants to jump there and stop it.

Koro-sensei, however, carries on with his speech: "We humans make mistakes all the time. It's inevitable and fearing it means fearing life itself."

Karma keeps looking.

"The choices we make may seem right, but at any point, we may come to regret them. Life is so much more different than schools or exams. There are no correct or false choices like in tests and no answer sheets that will ultimately lead you to success. There are only the things we do and the things we don't."

He keeps listening.

"Your parents both faced failure and each handled it differently. Your father, albeit a bit too drastically, took action and created a system to protect his students. Your mother gave it space and time, genuinely believing that it would lead to the best outcome. Neither of them is to be blamed for the choices they made during such a challenging period. But it's how they act afterwards when they realize their mistakes, that really matters."

He bites the inside of his cheek and tries to focus.

"It's only natural for you to feel hurt. You have every right to resent them, just as you have every right to yearn for their love. You're allowed to hate them and you're allowed to not want to hate them. There's no shame in wanting a family, no matter who you are or how you grew up."

The hold around him tightens.

"You don't have to forgive them right away. Or ever, really. That's your choice and sensei will respect it. But hanging on to the hatred..."

The dog peels off yet another scab and starts bleeding.

"That will only hurt you."


Bam. Allegory.

Guys when I tell you I got EMOTIONAL.

Like not even kidding. I know it's kinda stupid and you're probably not even gonna feel that moved or anything but I was tearing up towards the end. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that the advice Koro-sensei is giving is something that took me a long time to realize. Plus, it's Koro-sensei. Almost a decade later and I still miss him.

Anyway. What I hoped to achieve with this chapter is to show that the picture isn't always black and white. Sometimes, we tend to put the blame on one person and think they must be a terrible human being for doing what they did, but the truth can be so much more complicated. We aren't always aware of the circumstances. Gakuho isn't a saint, by absolutely no means, but neither is Karma and Gakushuu's mother. Avoidance is a seemingly harmless coping mechanism, but I know from personal experience how badly it can hurt.

Face your problems, folks. There's no other way to solve them.

Anyway. This chapter is hella long. Like seriously, how are my chapters longer than most of one shots? I hope you guys don't mind.

Next update: Saturday 9th of September