So. I'm back from vacation with a... chapter. Like. A really... heavy... chapter. Kinda nervous about posting it but I put my heart into it so... yeah. Let's see.
One thing to note, I was forced to give the boy's mother a name. I held a poll on Instagram with the options Iori, Akari and Reina, but only three people voted and it was evenly spread out so I chose Iori. I like all three but Iori was the first one I found so that's why I went with it.
Anyway, let's get to it.
Freezing.
Gakushuu's legs are fucking freezing and his back hurts from being hunched like a shrimp for almost an hour. He's sick of this - he wants to get out of the water and bask in the warm sun. Unfortunately, his ego is too big to allow him to admit defeat.
"There's no fucking way I'm catching those fish," he grunts to himself petulantly.
Somehow, Karma seems to pick it up despite standing a whole two meters away on the shore. He snorts in amusement and shouts: "Giving up so easily, Asano-kun? Look! Even I, a scum from the E-class already have two!"
He points to the two fish flailing on the ground, a clear mockery to Gakushuu's competence. Aside from them, Karma's jab at his old catchphrase truly lights his already short fuse. It's ridiculous. Asano Gakushuu - a top student, a prodigy who won numerous academic and sports competitions and possesses incredible physical prowess - failing to catch a measly fish.
Measly, slippery fucker of a fish.
"They just keep weasling their way out no matter how I hold them!" He kicks into the water, fed up. Gakushuu's done, pride or not, he's done with publicly embarrassing himself and losing this bet. God knows he's grown immensely through his losses and sees value in what they bring, but there's little to learn from a defeat by a river trout.
"It's all just practice! You'll get it at some point," Karma offers, though his voice is anything but placating.
Of course he'll get it, but not today. Gakushuu refuses to have his feet drenched in icy cold water any second longer, so he walks out and dries them on the grass.
Karma gets the message and starts preparing their appliances to cook, though not without poking fun at his older brother. Apart from getting a free comedic display of Gakushuu's helplessness, he's proved that if necessary, Karma could easily survive in the wild.
Lunch consists mainly of the fish Karma caught, with a sprinkle of his sass and a thick, menacing gravy called 'Shut up before I gouge your eyes' from yours truly, Gakushuu. Despite the irritation, there's a deep sense of contentment with having his most important person there, with no judging eyes to limit them. It's a feeling he's long given up, so he bashfully appreciates it, even if Karma's laughing himself silly at the cost of Gakushuu's dignity.
Later, they take on the suggestion Karma voiced out earlier yesterday and go on a hike. As familiar as the E-class is with the mountain, it spans over too large of an area for Karma to actually know every single crevice and cranny, so it ought to provide for some adventure.
They choose an unfrequented route and find out that not having a clear and preset path really does tire one out. Especially since they charge straight up the steep ascent, navigating through thick bushes and tree branches and balancing on unsteady soil. On second thought, it's pretty stupid of them to take such a risky route without telling anyone about where they are, but it's the two of them - nothing can beat them if they're together. Not even nature.
"Just so that you know, I could easily parkour my way up there," Karma argues in between the pants. He's definitely pushing it with the word easily since there's too little space to actually manoeuvre the way he's used to but he stands behind what he says.
Gakushuu, who has yet to learn about the kind of training his younger brother absolved the last year scoffs cynically: "You're definitely good at street fighting and whatnot but I'm pretty sure my stamina's better. I've run a half-marathon."
"You'd be surprised," comes as a response but Karma doesn't elaborate.
Not only because he stopped paying attention to his surroundings and hit a tree.
Also because Gakushuu was too busy to even listen, trying to free himself from the silt his foot got stuck in.
Maybe nature might win after all.
Despite their taunts and self-proclaimed peak endurance, once they reach the rocky top, both boys end up crumbling sweaty and out of breath. Karma hurriedly pulls out two cartons of strawberry milk from his backpack and throws one to his brother. They gulp it down in a single breath.
"This view better be worth it," Gakushuu heaves as he picks himself up.
It's not. It's painfully ordinary and the only thing they see is Class E's main campus from afar and faint silhouettes of their city. That doesn't stop Karma from pulling his phone out and turning it back on for the sole purpose of taking a picture.
"Come on, how many pictures do we have together?" he defends himself. "None! We need to fix that!" And once again, Gakushuu gives in.
Big mistake.
It doesn't stop with low-quality, blurry selfies on the top of the mountain.
Karma takes pictures of everything. Of the dirt on Gakushuu's butt from sitting on the ground, of the leaves tangled in his hair and even a close-up shot of his eye because "it looks really fucking good in this lighting, stay still Gaku-nii!"
Gakushuu retaliates. He pulls out his phone and switches it on, dully noting that he has no reception here anyway. No calls or messages got through. Even better. He snaps a shot of Karma's dishevelled appearance, of the red spot on his forehead where he hit the tree and a very unflattering portrait akin to a fish-eye lens view. Karma's nose looks so big in it that he chases Gakushuu for ten minutes to delete the photo.
And with that, a battle of who takes more unhinged photos and videos begins. Officially, they call it collecting blackmail. In actuality, it's the first time they're allowed to make proper memories and document them.
It's also the reason why Gakushuu allows himself to take more candid pictures too, like when Karma gazes into the distance with a soft smile, looking like any normal teenager should. Or why he secretly makes a video from behind of Karma babbling for ten minutes about the newest game he's been playing while they walk back down.
As the sun sets and they settle on a new spot with their tent, exhaustion seeps into their bones. After quickly finishing dinner, they crawl back to the sleeping bags, this time each to their own.
Karma falls asleep first. Before Gakushuu follows his lead, he takes another glance at his full photo gallery. Instead of the usual screenshots of online textbooks, academic research or student council matters, there are tens if not hundreds of thumbnails of Karma doing the silliest little things and a few selfies of the two of them together, along with aesthetic captures of the landscape. It's the first bits of colour in the monotonous grids of his phone as well as in his life.
He almost tears up looking through them.
This.
This is what he has always wished for.
The next day, they take it easy.
Kind of.
"For the last time, stop screaming out of nowhere! I'm trying to read here!" Gakushuu throws his sock at the menace who's been occupied by his Gameboy so much he forgot he's not alone. This meant that Gakushuu had to deal with Karma grunting and shouting every time something didn't go according to his plan.
The sock lands straight on the screen and blocks the view which results in Karma losing. For a moment, there's complete silence as they measure each other with glares. Then, Karma puts the game down, he takes off his own stinky sock and goes on a quest to stuff it straight into Gakushuu's face.
It was supposed to be a peaceful day. Rest day. A serene Saturday on which they both do something they enjoy in the company of the other, surrounded by greenery while listening to the chirp of birds.
Instead, Gakushuu gets a full whiff of noxious gas and Karma gets thrown into a river. The chirping stops too because, for some reason, helicopters start flying over their heads for an hour and scare the birds.
Fucking perfect.
As fate wants it, it starts raining two hours later.
Karma who was forced to sun dry his clothes on tree branches desperately scrambles to retrieve them. Since he only brought one change of clothes and was currently wearing the only dry pair of pants and shirt, he had to strip to his underwear to fetch them.
"That's not gonna dry till tomorrow," Gakushuu comments as the wet little rat enters their tent, both his belongings and body soaked to the bone.
Karma wipes himself off with Gakushuu's sleeping bag. Gakushuu screams bloody murder at him because now they have to sleep in a single sleeping bag again.
"I swear I'll get sick," Karma declares after the second cough.
"I packed the worst-tasting medicine and syrups," Gakushuu retorts.
"I will not get sick."
Gakushuu still shoves syrup for a sore throat down his oesophagus as a precaution. Karma almost vomits.
Slowly the end of their second day camping nears. The sun has long disappeared from the sky, replaced by the shine of a crescent moon.
All is quiet, except for Gakushuu's mind.
With every second he fails to fall asleep, he grows more restless, only one thought occupying him:
Tomorrow, they'll have to return.
And that signals the end of their carefree trip as well as the slow realisation that they'll have to face their parents. On one hand, he's afraid of the conversation awaiting them. On the other hand, he's aching to get it done with.
Gakushuu, for once, allows himself to not be the bigger person. He fantasizes how they're going to blitzkrieg their way into their houses and lay out in detail just how much their parents fucked up. He drafts out a whole monologue about how his father traumatized him, how he instilled in Gakushuu a belief that he's never enough no matter how much he achieves, about Gakushuu's breaths involuntarily coming shorter and more shallow every time he hears his father's voice. He imagines himself describing to his mother how his baby brother choked on tears every night since she left him alone. Unashamedly revels in the thought of her guilt-ridden face as she realizes that Gakushuu grew up without a mother not because of their divorce, but because of her inability to to face conflicts. He's heard enough from Karma to realize that she isn't as blameless as Gakushuu believed. He's also realized that in her absence, he had idealized her too much.
Tomorrow would be the end of that. They'd say their share and either their parents accepted it and showed some remorse or they wouldn't and Gakushuu and Karma could finally be on their merry way to live their lives without them. Gakushuu has enough information to mess with the custody case and Karma enough brains and brawns to execute their plans. Besides, apparently, his classmates somehow managed to steal relevant documents to complicate the process and win them more time. How they even pulled something like that off, Karma refused to reveal Gakushuu.
"Stop thinking so loud you worrywart," Karma suddenly complains, his face turned to the other side.
"I literally didn't say anything," Gakushuu rebuts, surprised by the fact that Karma knew he was still awake despite not even seeing him.
"You keep clenching and unclenching the muscles in your hands and in case you haven't noticed yet, we're literally skin to skin in this sleeping bag. I can feel the tension oozing from you even if you're being very subtle."
A bit embarrassed, Gakushuu apologizes. They fall into an awkward silence, both well aware of the reason why neither of them could fall into a slumber yet.
"It's going to be alright," Karma breathes out, blindly searching for Gakushuu's hand from behind. He finds it and untangles the fingers so that he can squeeze them.
"Yeah, I know," Gakushuu squeezes back and closes his eyes, lulled by the comfort of having his brother by his side.
On the fateful third day, after Karma slept to his heart's content and Gakushuu mentally prepared himself, they begrudgingly pack their belongings and walk back. However, when they arrive in the city, it's a mess.
"OH MY GOD! THERE YOU ARE!" a policeman shrieks from across the street and runs to them. In his frenzy, he doesn't mind the oncoming traffic and earns himself a few honkings.
Startled, Gakushuu and Karma stop in their tracks.
"Excuse me, sir, do we know you?" Gakushuu asks, warily measuring the man. He looks much older than he probably is, with the concerned frown he's sporting.
"What- No, probably not but never mind that! I'm sorry for scaring you, I'm just so glad you're safe, where have you been?!" He demands, out of breath.
"Why is that relevant? How do you know us?" Karma raises an eyebrow, his tone sharp.
Finally realizing that they're absolutely clueless as to why a stranger approached them in such a panicked state, the policeman clears his throat: "You're Asano Gakushuu and Akabane Karma, children of Asano Gakuho and Akabane Iori, right?"
They nod.
"You've been reported missing by your parents since Friday," he explains.
The boys gawk at him.
"WHAT?!"
Turns out, there's a whole search party looking for two missing teenagers. It seems that when the sons of one of the most influential men in the city disappear, all forces mobilise in order to track them down. Not only was the police involved, but also the mountain and swift water rescue. The helicopter they heard yesterday was actually for them too.
Upon waking up on Friday morning and discovering Gakushuu's bed empty, Gakuho didn't think much of it at first. The boy could have gone for a run, after all, could have been on a walk or simply out on an errand. However, when he didn't show up at school either, that's when alarms started to ring in Gakuho's head. Not even Gakushuu's friends were aware of his whereabouts and none of their calls went through. His son's absence since Thursday's dinner in combination with his being unreachable threw Gakuho into an irrational unease.
Gakushuu would probably show up by evening. Surely. His son never got out of line and dutifully carried out his responsibilities at all times. He couldn't have been hurt or kidnapped either because he was incredibly strong and clever.
Right? Gakuho had no doubts. Surely.
Gakushuu didn't show up to dinner either.
Twenty-four hours. It's been twenty-four hours since he's last seen the teen and now there were no traces of him, no way of contacting him, no idea of what could have occurred.
Irrational unease turned into genuine horror as Gakuho realized that his son might not be coming back at all.
He didn't know what scared him more. The possibility that something could have happened to Gakushuu or that he willingly left because he couldn't stand living with his father for a day longer.
Gakuho ran to the police station faster than he'd ever run in his life. And there, at the same time, he met his ex-wife, looking equally hysteric while recounting her side of the story.
Iori too had counted on Karma to show up by dinner. However, the longer the house stayed silent, the more worrisome she grew. Neither Karma nor Gakushuu picked up her calls and they didn't follow up with a text message either. She called their homeroom teacher, who only informed her of their absence the whole day. When Iori went upstairs to Karma's room to see if he had left some kind of note, maybe that he had gone out or that he was staying over at his friends', she found a window open ajar. Quickly putting the pieces together, she stormed out to report Karma's disappearance.
Even if he had left of his own accord, so many things could have gone wrong. He could have been assaulted, could have gotten hurt; in the end, Karma was still just a 14-year-old child. The world was too dangerous of a place for a lone boy to wander in with little money, resources and no housing. She'd address him running away once she knew he was safe, first and foremost.
When Gakuho blasted through the police station gate sweaty and out of breath, they realized the predicament they found themselves in. Neither slept that night, busy with giving descriptions (partially unnecessary, almost every person knew the face of Asano Gakushuu, the prodigious and highly social young boy) and describing what their sons have been doing prior to this. None have shown signs of having planned a runaway, plus their belongings were intact, therefore the prospect of something adverse occurring to them became more tangible.
On Saturday, the second day since their disappearance, the mountain rescue and swift water rescue joined.
It had been forty hours since he had last seen his sons and still no news. With Gakuho's influence, the surrounding cities and towns were searched too. Privately, he also contacted Koro-sensei with a plea to help and the teacher gladly did.
Fourty-three hours since Karma's and Gakushuu's disappearance, three hours after Gakuho's initial meeting with Koro-sensei, the superhuman teacher reported on finding the two boys and reassured Gakuho that they were safe. However, he decided to not disclose their whereabouts out of respect for their privacy.
"What do you mean privacy?! What if something happens to them?!" Gakuho objected, all calculative composure gone.
"I will keep an eye on them. Should they find themselves in trouble, I won't hesitate to interfere. Until then, I believe it would be best to grant them their time and space," Koro-sensei responded and the conversation died right there.
While the knowledge that his sons were safe did lift a boulder off his shoulders, Gakuho found himself spiralling into a new kind of pandemonium.
His sons had left him. Everything Gakuho's done, he's done for them and it drove them away. Could he say it was for their sake then? If his presence alone was enough to stir the kind of unease that made his own children run away, what right did he have to educate, to guide youth? All that he had committed against them, all that must have pushed them away, he wished to undo and so he begged any higher power there was to allow him one more chance. Just one last chance.
With this inner turmoil, it also became impossible for Gakuho to console Iori, especially without telling her about the superhuman creature. The tension grew and grew, an ugly monster feeding off their exhaustion and misery.
Fifty hours since she saw their children, Iori sits in the kitchen, waiting for any new information.
"If you weren't such a cold-blooded jerk to them, maybe they would have felt safer at home than somewhere on the streets!" she fumes at her ex-husband across.
"Maybe if you were a real mother to them, they would have a home," Gakuho countered, voice dangerously low.
The first two days, Gakuho and Iori vehemently blamed one another. Their arguments were laced with the bitterness of their separation and burning fury. They both knew though that the things they told each other, the poison seeping into their words was misplaced and wrongful. And after those fights, what followed was crushing regret. On one hand, it felt freeing to finally say what they've been simmering in for years. On the other hand, it became less and less relevant who out of the two had a hand in what because it didn't matter anymore - the only thing that did was that they possibly lost their children.
Desperate, they disregarded any old conflict and wrecked their brains trying to think of where Gakushuu and Karma could have gone. Even when the heavy rain came, they didn't relent.
There was no time to stop. No time for Gakuho and Iori to dwell on the fact that they pushed their sons to this point.
No time to break down.
Sixty-four hours since their children's disappearance, a miracle happens to them.
On Sunday afternoon a policeman brings Karma and Gakushuu in one piece to their doorsteps and the search gets called off. Iori bursts into tears like never before. She engulfs them in a hold so taut it hurts, Gakuho following from behind in a more hesitant manner. Their sons are pinned to the spot, speechless and beyond bewildered.
Never in their wildest imaginations did it occur to them that their parents would overreact like this. Gakushuu for one has never amused the idea of his father even caring about his absence. Karma - too used to his independence - didn't even think it necessary to let anyone know where he was going or for how long. It simply didn't even cross his mind that his mother would need to know.
They realized their error too late. Their mother doesn't seem to be able to stop sobbing no matter how many times they tell her they're alright.
"Please, stop crying," Gakushuu panics, tracing circles on her back.
"We're fine, Mom," Karma scrambles, though it's like she doesn't hear them. The sight of their mother dishevelled, sleep-deprived and distressed crushes them.
"Mom, please," Karma's breath hitches.
And it's in this hysteric moment that they learn one thing: That no child, no matter how hurt and angry at their mother they are, can ever bear to see her agonisingly weeping.
Karma starts crying too. Gakushuu bites on his lips to stop the tears from spilling but to no avail.
Their father's face is crumpled in anguish, his hands gently resting on the crown of their heads. Voice faint, his frame a shadow of the man he always presented himself as, Gakuho whispers: "Don't leave us like this again. Do anything you want. Break anything you want and curse us all you want. But please don't leave us."
The words remind Gakushuu what he resolved yesterday night. But it's wrong - this isn't what he imagined yesterday, the cold and impersonal criticism he planned. There's no ignorance and lack of remorse for him to tear down. His father shouldn't be holding on to Gakushuu like he was a lifeline, his mother shouldn't be shaking in his arms.
It's all so wrong. And yet he still looks up and forces his mouth open:
"I hate you," he starts and suddenly, it's like a dam has broken. "You ruined my childhood, you scare me, you made me feel like I'm never enough. Because of you, I trusted no one and had no friends. I hate you so much."
To his horror, none of the clever sentences Gakushuu rehearsed ten times last night flow out. Instead, he's stuttering and tripping over his own tongue like a pathetic mess and yet he can't bring himself to stop: "Why are you obsessing over some dead kid when your flesh and blood is in front of you? It's so unfair. All these years, why didn't you love me the same way?"
"I did. I do. I love you and Karma more than anything. I made so many mistakes and I'm so sorry," Gakuho repeats, the confession breaking his heart. His own son who he'd burn the world for, who he'd walk to hell and back for, believes he isn't loved.
From his right, Karma speaks up: "I see you and all I think of is Gakushuu pushed to limits. Because of you, the two of us fought so much. You're an asshole and a despot and I know nothing else of you. I don't trust you."
His father nods, accepting the blame: "I know. I regret it, I really do."
Then, Karma turns at his mother and pushes through the tears: "You should have never left. It shouldn't have mattered how much I closed myself off, you should have been there with me. No amount of money, sweet talk, no maid will ever fill the hole you left behind. I was seven, mom. Seven! How could you?"
Iori squeezes him tighter, unable to form a reply.
"You know, no one attended my elementary school performances. No one cheered on me during exam seasons. No one picked me up with flowers when I won competitions."
Karma's lips quiver at the memory of countless years of desolation.
"I don't know what it's like to have someone wait for me at home after school. I never learnt to say 'I'm home' like my friends do. I don't know what it's like to eat a warm dinner with someone every evening."
And then, he swells at the most painful truth of them all:
"I don't know how to love someone without believing they will leave me in the end too."
It's the most honest Karma has ever been about his feelings. He releases all the fury and aches he's been stifling in his tattered heart, filling his lungs with. And for once, he can finally breathe. He gapes for the air as if he were drowning, desperately gulping it down till he gets lightheaded.
Throughout it all, his mother chants apologies like a broken record.
And while the sound of their parents' psyché crumbling breaks their hearts, it also heals other corners that have been shattered for years, puts back pieces that have been abandoned with little hope of ever reconciling ever again.
Jesus.
I think this might be the most difficult rollercoaster of a chapter I've ever written in this fic. I had some doubts about combining humour and heavy angst into one chapter but I'm fairly satisfied with how it turned out? Definitely made myself feel something there.
Admittedly, it's a very emotional part of the story. The fleeting thought that it's too emotional crossed my mind - after all, it's difficult to imagine Asano Gakuho in such a devastated state. But when I look at it from a parent's point of view, consider the fact that our boys truly are just teens and that Gakuho has in fact already lost one beloved teen before, I think it was justified. I mean, this man reformed education and built himself an empire when one of his students died, which tells me he loves and feels intensively. Would it be so unbelievable that he falls into a spiral when both of his sons disappear?
Of course, you're free to disagree. Don't hesitate to tell me what you think.
I can rant for longer but this note's getting too long so I'll stop :D
Next update: Saturday 30th
