AN: Okay, let's talk about this real quick. This is just for comedy and don't support some of the crap about ideologies, factions and whatever the fuck may appear in this. This is just a story about two other teams of Team Fortress 2 such as YLW and GRN since RED and BLU are the mains but no one ever have the other two involved in any or SFM but there are some exceptions in certain videos on YouTube. Since I don't have Gmod or 15 ai , I decided to write. (Plus I suck at making videos.) This was inspired by Oyu'baat Cantina about the hilarity of RED and BLU arguing over their political ideals so, just to give you the heads up. Plus, give it a watch. They're really good videos and please have people on YouTube react to them like Renegades React, WRATH2501, or even Vtubers. Lastly, this contains harmful political discussions. Reader discretion is advised. I condemn all violence and breeding ground for extremists. THE TF2 LORE DOES NOT APPLY HERE.
The YLW Team Debate About Politics
In a bunker map, the YLW Scout and the YLW Medic watch the finally of RED Team and BLU Team debating over politics and see Miss Pauling grilling them.
Scout: (shocked) "Oh shit. Getting fired over your ideology? Guess we should be careful about what the hell we say about them."
Medic: (shocked) "Ja. Look what happened to the REDs and BLUs. It's great they got over their bullshit, but I would like to know what everyone's political ideologies are."
Scout: (normal tone) "My ideology? Centralist. I like being progressive but I would like to keep some traditional values. I support parties like the Reform Party and the Alliance Party to keep things central and fighting corruption. You do know that asshole Trump used his money to bribe electoral colleges to win the 2016 election, right? And I'm glad the 2020 elections came and people realized that how terrible Trump is as a president except for those dumbass Republicans that caused a riot in D.C. At least the Democrats sat in protest against abortions rather than doing that shit. To me, there needs to be a third centralist party to get things back to balance."
Medic: (disgusted) "Ja, American politics are toxic as shit. And I thought Canadian politics were weird, but America is more extreme because of those awful social medias such as Twitter and Facebook."
Scout: "Yeah. So what's your ideology?"
Medic: (normal tone) "Democracy. Just democracy."
Scout: (perplexed) "Sooo... Direct or indirect?"
Medic: "Direct."
Scout: "Oh yeah, I totally agree. I say screw the rich assholes and the electoral colleges and bring back proper democracy. Those guys are what's ruining this country as they only go after votes of the most influential and wealthy. Not counting everyone else."
Sniper appears. Cue Rule Britannia.
Sniper: (curious) "Oi, mates. Whatcha' talking about?"
Scout: (normal tone) "We're watching a video about the RED's and BLU's disgusting about politics and nearly got fired for it. Then Medic and I talked about our ideologies which I'm a centralist and Medic supports direct democracy."
Medic: (curious) "Out of curiosity, what is your ideology, Sniper?"
Sniper: (proud) "I support the return of the British Empire!"
Awkward stares.
Sniper: (confused) "What?"
Scout: (facepalms) "Oh my god, we are so gonna get fired."
Medic: (annoyed) "Are you shitting me, you stupid dummkopf!"
Sniper: (annoyed) "What's your problem?! The British had the largest empire there is stretching across oceans and continents! As a matter of fact, Australia is a continent. We need the U.K. to be a superpower again to fend off against the Chinese and Russians."
Medic: (even more annoyed) "Nein! The British Empire may have been large, but you forget the atrocities committed by that terrible empire!"
Sniper: (angry) "You're starting to sound like the Kaiserboo of the BLU Team."
Medic: (angry) "I support direct democracy! It is better than a fucking monarchy!"
Scout: (normal tone) "Many of those atrocities include the Transatlantic Slave Trade where it and Portugal transported 70% of Africans to the Americans, maintaining the illegal opium trade in China that started a war over the drug, the Boer Concentration Camps in South Africa, the huge famine in India in the 1940's, and let's not forget that Australia was a penal colony. To make matters worse, there was a huge gap between the lower and higher classes in society. Not to mention the child workforce since the Industrial Revolution. Plus the whole taxation bullshit in the American colonies that later lead to the founding of the United States." (annoyed) "And let's not forget about that proto-megacorporation known as the East India Company, that did even more atrocities!" (realization) "And we're so gonna get fired if we argue over our ideologies."
Sniper: (normal tone) "Don't worry. Spy managed to get rid of all the surveillance systems Mann Co. placed and claimed that there are some faults. So we should be good."
Scout: (relieved) "Oh, that's good." (back to annoyed) "In any case, fuck you, Sniper! You imperialist monarchist!"
Sniper: (angry) "We aren't gonna do that shit anymore!" (more calmly) "Times have changed. We are more progressive than we were and learn from our mistakes. As a matter of fact, the current monarchy still controls the so-called 'independent' nations that are still part of our parliament and under British control." (patriotic) "It is time to get them back into the fold. But it won't be the same as before as we will embrace socialism!"
Medic and Scout: (confused) "What?"
Sniper: (patriotic) "I support the idea of a socialist constitutional monarchy where all are treated equally as they receive free healthcare."
Scout: (perplexed) "Do they have that already?"
Sniper: (normal tone) "True. But I also support free food, equality of income and even the legalization of weed. I understand that legalizing weed can also reduce the amount of crime yet stores that sell them get robbed because people used paper money to buy them. Since we're in the digital age, we should use our phones and cards to buy them to reduce crime even further. Not to mention that the ratings for the original Doctor Who would be through the roof."
Medic: (even more annoyed) "Did you seriously get that from Family Guy? Plus, it is not even close to direct democracy!"
Scout: (intrigued) "So, progressiveness with traditional values? It does match with my centralist ideals, but I don't like the whole monarchy shit. People don't need fucking monarchies anymore. Plus even if you do trade in cannabis, not many countries would accept it except for parts of the Unites States, Canada, Mexico, South America, Georgia, Malta and Thailand."
Sniper: (normal tone) "That's only for recreational uses. Many countries use it for medical purposes such as Brazil, Australia, Finland, Norway, Australia, and many more in Europe, Africa, South America and Sri Lanka. But back to my ideals." (patriotic) "We need to bring back the British Empire and bring these commonwealths back into the fold in order to stand up against all these superpowers that want to have nuclear war. Like the United States, Russia and China. Except there will be socialism standards and free shit as we stand united in a world that is slowly crumbling in on itself. Not only that, we'll have Japan join us since we help support the Imperialists."
Medic: (angry tone) "But we need democracy. It make the individual free and we should have more of that. Not more monarchies and dictators! There is a reason why people are breaking away from that bullshit. Not to mention that you were helping the Japanese keep their traditions alive and viewed your countries as barbarians."
Scout: (normal tone) "Plus, they're still under the watchful eye of the USA due to Article 9 of the treaty. What are you gonna do about that?"
Sniper: (smug) "Well, I do have a plan to-"
Pyro shows up with his stuffed unicorn. Everyone gives him strange stares. Cue Show Them Who We Are Fortnite Lobby Music.
Pyro: (annoyed) "What's with the shouting? I was setting up to do a stream with Farming Simulator 22 and I can't do shit with all the noise."
Scout: (surprised) "Sorry, Pyro. We were in a middle of a heated political debate."
Pyro: (even more annoyed) "Politics?! Seriously?! Do you really want to lose your jobs like what nearly happened to the RED Team and BLU Team?"
Medic: (assured) "Don't worry, Spy removed all the secret surveillance devices so we can discuss our ideals."
Pyro: (calm) "Oh. In that case, I'll join. So who has what?"
Scout: (annoyed) "Well I support centralism while Medic supports direct democracy. This imperialist, socialist arsehole here wants to rebuild the British Empire and he was about to tell us on how he can get Japan out of Article 9."
Pyro: (angry at Sniper) "Hey! Leave Japan alone!"
Sniper: (annoyed) "The imperial family still owes us for helping them defeat the shogunate. Plus, making money out of all those animes, hentais, and video games is the most profitable businesses there is as we're gonna allow hentai in Australia again. Not to mention that Japan is suffering from a major birth decline. If that's the case, we should have them part of the British Empire to help repopulate."
Pyro: (still angry) "Ever heard of guilt by association? If any country is part of something, they go down with them. Like many countries that supported the Taliban, Al-Queda, and many other Islamic terrorists. If you have Japan part of your so-called, 'empire', they'll go down with you! And Article 9 prevents Japan from having nuclear weapons, which is a good thing. The less nuclear weapons there are, the better! And I know you all think I would support nukes, but I prefer small fires that doesn't cause any fucking major damages like every other nuke and nuclear metldowns have down!"
Scout: (normal tone) "True, but they are still considered a target to use nukes on because of China. And at least some isn't a complete nuke-loving, war thrilling dumbass. But what exactly is your ideology, Pyro?"
Moments of awkward silence. Stop the music.
Pyro: (embarrassed) "Anarcho-friendship."
Everyone points and laugh at Pyro.
Scout: (highly amused) "SERIOUSLY?! THAT'S your ideology!?"
Sniper: (tearing up from laughter) "Have you been watching My Little Pony again!? Guess that explains the unicorn!"
Medic: (super amused) "What's next?! You're gonna tell us that you support anarcho-gaming or something?"
Pyro: (embarrassed) "Gamerism, actually."
More laughter at Pyro.
Pyro: (annoyed) "So what!? We have plenty of video games about politics! Tropico, Rogue State, Hearts of Iron 4, Stellaris, Urban Empire, Suzerain. You can learn to be a great leader with those games while learning about politics, economics, trading and many more. To me, you can be a better leader if you learn about how the political structures of the world work and make them better. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?!"
Scout: (annoyed) "Dude, you can't have gamers rule the world. Gamers have always want to be as evil as fuck with their own ideologies such as fascism and monarchism and dictatorships. Plus, video games can't teach you squat!"
Sniper: (agreement) "I have to agree with this anti-British fuckwit here. I've played Fallout 76 and when I first exited out of the vault, I got killed the very first second I exited by a bunch of murder hobos that kill noobs for xp and fun. They're worse than I am when I'm camping."
Medic: (agreement) "I also agree with Scout on this particular situation. I played many MMO's and people kill me after beating a boss and took every last bit of loot I rightfully earned and I keep on getting picked on in multiplayer. ESPECIALLY IN BATTLEFIELD AND CALL OF DUTY! Plus, you cannot be a leader because of the amount of friends you have. What's the idea here? Having a gamer be in-charge because he has a great amount of friends that support them despite their terrible ideology?"
Pyro: (more annoyed) "No! The idea here is to have a gamer making friends with good ideologies such as democracy, non-violence, and support pacifist combatocracy."
Medic: (perplexed) "I agree with democracy, but what the fuck is pacifist combatocracy?"
Scout: (confused) "The fuck?"
Pyro: (normal tone) "Basically there are two schools of this ideology. One is the Martial School where you can fight in a martial arts competition with no killing, unlike the actual combatocracy. The Purist School is focus more on competitions such as obstacle courses, arm wrestling, trivia, and even video games."
Spy de-cloaks. Cue Fallout 3 Wasteland Theme.
Spy: (disgusted) "Did you get that stupid ideology from that degenerate YouTuber called PewDiePie? You disgust me."
Scout (startled) "Oh shit, Spy! You scared me!"
Sniper: (confused) "How long were you listening?"
Spy: (annoyed) "Long enough."
Medic: (interest) "Since you're here, may as well tell us about your ideology."
Pyro: (irritated) "Is it corporatism or French ultranationalism?"
Spy: (annoyed) "No, you mumbling abomination! I am an apolitist."
Sniper: (surprised) "Wait, you don't give a shit about any government?"
Spy: (annoyed) "Wee. Discussing politics and ideologies are a waste of fucking time. I just want to be left alone and live my fucking life. Like my mercenary work and working with the shitty teammates I have here, who wants to argue over politics! I hate all this extremist shit that is going on and people want to kill me for not siding with them. That is why I have many escape plans to get away from these violent degenerates."
Medic: (grumpy) "But we need government to keep law and order! They make sure that people won't kill each other!"
Spy: (angry) "AND A LOT OF GOOD THAT DID! Wars here, riots there, extremists here and all this merde that stinking up this world with their foul stench! You extremists fuckers need to learn to take a goddam chill pill and spill out all your hatred on those horrible social medias that make a profit from your hatred and extremes. I prefer to live in a small community where I won't have to deal with this bullshit. Free from all the fascists, communists, neo-nazis, social justice warriors, politically correct groups, extremists, racists, supremacists, prejudice and every other asshole in the world. And the SJW's and the PC's can go to hell when they got rid of Pepe Le Pew!"
Scout: (normal tone) "But Pepe Le Pew is considered offensive to all French."
Spy: (super pissed) "NO. HE. DID. NOT! You like to be a centralist, but now you are beginning to sound like a leftist. You want to support a stupid ideology where gamers rule by having a shit load of friends, but that is dumber than bringing back his failed empire."
Sniper: (middle-finger) "FUCK OFF!"
Pyro: (middle-finger) "ASSHOLE!"
Medic: (fuming) "And me?"
Spy: (normal tone) "Look, I like democracy but you shouldn't force your ideology onto others. But even democracy has their flaws. If you played Fallout: New Vegas, the NCR is democratic but is corrupt by all the trade caravans and water barons to a point that there is corruption, infighting and became imperialists. You could say the same about many other countries with democracy. Plus, how can the government protect us when the police in Texas couldn't stop a crazed gunner from stopping all the killing of elementary children? They spent fifty minutes waiting and dozens of children got shot and two teachers! You call that PROTECTION?!"
Heavy appears and yells super loud at his teammates. His teammates get scared. Cue Russian Empire Anthem.
Heavy: (annoyed) "What the fuck is going on with this bullshit yelling? Heavy was peacefully reading his book until you were yelling to the point where I can hear you all over the damn base."
Scout: (surprised) "Shit! Can everyone stop trying to give me a fucking heart-attack?!"
Heavy: (annoyed) "Just tell Heavy what the fuck are you dumbasses are talking about that disturbed my reading time!"
Sniper: (annoyed) "We were discussing politics, Heavy. We have a centralist, a direct democrat, a gamer politician that believes in more friendships means better leadership, and a fuckwit who doesn't give a shit about politics."
Heavy: (intrigued) "Politics?" (happy) "What a coincidence! Heavy was reading War and Peace and was planning to read this new book that came out. I shall join your discussion. But what is your ideology, Sniper?"
Sniper: (smug) "I support the return of the British Empire under a socialist constitutional monarchy."
Heavy: (amused) "HA! As if the British Empire will return. For me, I support the return of the Tsars under communism!"
Scout: (facepalms) "Oh my fucking god, that's even worse."
Heavy: (normal tone) "Why not? Grenada had a unitary Marxist-Leninist one-party parliamentary socialist constitutional monarchy lead by Maurice Bishop. Under his leadership with support from Elizabeth II, they got more doctors, decrease the death rate of infants, boosted the economy and women's rights. They also received better education from the People's Revolutionary Government before it became Grenada along with help from Paul Scoon. That was until the CIA came in and ruined everything!"
AN: This is all true.
Scout: (normal tone) "That is because we don't want far-left movements anywhere near the United States. Not to mention that some Latin American countries were being used by the KGB to further their own power."
Pyro: (normal tone) "Plus something like that can only last short-term. Like Democratic Kampuchea, which was communist under King Sihanouk before People's Revolutionary Government. Both of which only lasted for four years."
Medic: (super angry) "DON'T CALL IT DEMOCRATIC! I hate it when countries are called 'democratic' when it is actually a totalitarian state with no democracy. It's false advertisement!"
Spy: (normal tone) "I highly doubt these countries that call themselves 'democratic' actually know what democracy means. And I agree, it is false advertisement. Fucking ponzi schemes."
Sniper: (annoyed) "But can we get back on topic on Heavy's ideology than we can rip it apart?"
Heavy: (annoyed) "Da. Also, FUCK YOU!" (patriotic tone) "I wish to bring back the Tsar that will support communism and bring in a new dawn in Russia. Once we remove Putin and his neo-nazi Wagner organization, the people will rise up as they will join together in a new revolution under a monarchy in order to bring peace and prosperity in the new age. We will also apologize to Ukraine about invading their country long as they are willing to disband and toss aside the Anov Battalion, which is a neo-nazi organization as well. And maybe we can give Crimea to them as an apology and their original territories before 2014."
Pyro: (curious) "Have you been playing 1920+ or Iron Harvest?"
Heavy: (normal tone) "Da! Although like Medic with false democracy, Heavy thought the Russviet Tsardom would be like communism with the tsar but Heavy was wrong. I mean, it is a nation that has Russia and Soviet put together. Not to mention we are wearing yellow, the color of the old Russian Empire. But the US can keep Alaska, because Canadian politics are weird as hell."
Scout: (normal tone) "Ignoring the weirdo politics in Canada for a moment and focus on what Heavy said. As much as I like the idea of dissolving both neo-nazis, that ideology of yours will only work short-term. Like Pyro said."
Spy: (normal tone) "Not to mention that people will always fall to corruption. Power can corrupt after all."
Sniper: (patriotic tone) "Not unless we made laws to prevent lobbyism, unlike in the United States. And the new British Empire would be able to create a new paradise that would be better than the United Nations. We won't find a damn excuse to start a fucking war."
Heavy: (annoyed) "That empire is even more corrupt because of that proto-megacorporation. Not to mention all the shit that happened during their reign."
Pyro: (annoyed) "And yours is better? Peter 'the Great' was a fucking party animal and had children killed in his war games. The cannonballs may have been made of leather, but the cannons were real. Let's not to mention how much of a whore Catherine 'the Great' as she slept with many men and conquered Ukraine, Belarus and Crimea. Which is the reason why Putin wants to lay claim to the country!"
Sniper: (angry) "OI! Having a matriarch ruler is far better than a patriarch one. At least women know better than men do which I support her majesty!"
Heavy: (angry) "For that we agree. But still, fuck your imperial British Empire!"
Sniper: (angry) "As if your new Russian Empire would be better! Let's not forget about Ivan the Terrible who establish an autocratic rule and completely crushed the aristocracy because he believed they would be a threat to his rule! And let's not forget that Nicholas II ran it as a despotic dictator that gave rise to Lenin and his regime."
Heavy: (angry) "Your British Empire was no better either! You had George IV with his political and financial scandals with his selfish, unreliable and irresponsible behavior along with a string of cruelty in order to fulfill his extravagant indulgences. Not to mention Edward VIII who had numerous affairs with married women and tried to marry an American businesswoman, Wallis Simpson, while trying to divorce his real wife."
Medic: (angry) "And you two just prove the point why monarchies don't fucking work. Even if you do combine them with leftist ideals, THEY. WON'T. WORK!"
Pyro: (normal tone) "And let's not forget that Tsar Nicholas II's wife was a bigger recluse then that bitch Donald Trump married."
Scout: (insulted) "What do you have against women?! And don't forget that I'm a bisexual!"
Pyro: (apologetic) "Nothing! Just women who married politicians are always the worse. Sorry, Scout."
Scout: (fine) "For that, I totally agree and apology accepted."
Spy: (groans) "How could this get any worse?"
Soldier falls through the ceiling and lands on his feet and scared everyone.
Soldier: (curious) "What's going on here? Why is everyone standing around? Is Pyro doing his streams again?"
Scout: (annoyed as hell) "For fuck's sake! Can't anyone stop trying to give us heart attacks already!?"
Pyro: (angry) "How the fuck did you create a hole in the ceiling, WHILE INSIDE A FUCKING BUNKER!?"
Sniper: (agreement) "I agree with the anarcho-friendship gamer lunatic here."
Soldier: (confused) "That was random. Are we talking about politics?"
Medic: (annoyed) "Ja! Scout is a centralist, I'm a direct democrat. Pyro wants to create an ideology based on friendship and video games. Sniper wants to bring back the British Empire while promoting socialism while Heavy wants to create a communist monarchy. As for Spy, he doesn't give a shit about politics or the government."
Soldier: (even more confused) "How the fuck does they work? Spy I understand, but how does all these others work?" (smug) "For me, I support combatocracy. I like seeing politicians killing each other to see who will get to be the next leader of whatever country they run. It makes for good entertainment like watching an old Roman gladiator match yet on TV."
Scout: (completely offended) "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? Why do you want to promote an ideology so barbaric as that?! At least Pyro is more focus on making something similar to the anime; No Game, No Life."
Pyro: (surprised) "Wait, there's an anime about that?"
Heavy: (angry as hell) "Not now, Pyro!"
Spy: (amused) "At least we get to see politicians in their truest nature in the ring as they outright kill each other. The less of them around, the better."
Medic: (angry as hell) "Are you shitting me, you fucking schweinhund! What the fuck is wrong with democracy?!"
Sniper: (angry as hell) "Why would you promote such a terrible ideology!?"
Soldier: (normal tone) "I am sick and tired of assholes trying to bribe and worm their way through the political ladder and trying to control us. It is better to have future leaders know what is like to struggle to obtain leadership instead of having corruption ruining everything. It is better to test their mettle in the ring to reveal who they actually are in the heat of the moment. Plus, what the fuck is wrong with it? It is not that different compared with our jobs as we try to kill each other for whatever big man is in-charge."
Scout: (realization) "Ah shit. The barbaric right-wing nut is right."
Medic: (offended) "NEIN! SCREW THAT! Democracy makes the individual free and let's them change the course of their country!"
Soldier: (defending his opinion) "Tell that to the amount of corruption that there is such as the 2016 election when Donald Trump bribed his way to the top. He also tried to rig the 2020 election in his favor yet still lost. His fucking cultist tried to cause a riot in the capitol of the United States because those idiotic Republicans believed he is great when he actually never done anything good other than promoting his own ego and tried to pull-off a Richard Nixon. Obama was no better. True he is the first black president we had, but he was no different from all the other politicians. Won't decrease taxes, bailing out corporations, didn't withdraw troops from Afghanistan. He withdrew troops from Iraq and that's it! At least Joe Biden pulled troops out of Afghanistan! Which is the best part of his presidency! It is better to have politicians kill and eat each other to show us what they're made of!"
Heavy: (offended) "No, we shouldn't! We should support communist constitutional monarchy!"
Sniper: (more offended) "No! We need to restore the British Empire and make things better!"
Spy: (even more annoyed) "SCREW YOUR FUCKING POLITICS!"
Demoman kicks the door down.
Cue Scottish Bagpipes.
Demoman: (completely pissed-off) "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?"
Sniper: (relieved) "Ah! A fellow countryman! 'bout time we even the odds."
Demoman: (pissed and confused) "What the hell are you lot talking about? I was gonna make a new batch of scrumpy while watching Braveheart until I heard all this racket!"
Scout: (normal tone) "Political banter. I'm a centralist. Medic is a direct democrat, Heavy supports some communist monarchy, Pyro supports a society based on games and friendship, Soldier wants to have political leaders chosen by trial of combat, Sniper wants to bring back the British Empire through socialism and Spy doesn't give a shit about politics."
Sniper: (happy) "Glad you're here my fellow Scotsman."
Demoman: (annoyed) "YOU KEEP AWAY FROM ME, YOU BRITISH LAPDOG! I don't support the fucking British Empire no matter what shape or form. I support the full independence of Scotland so we can make amends to the Irish and create a democratic republic."
Sniper: (felt betrayed) "YOU COCK-SUCKING TRAITOR!"
Demoman: (annoyed) "Screw you, too, ya kangaroo koalaman! Plus I also support a union of Abrahamic religions including Judaism. We're gonna break free from the British crown as William Wallace attended to, make peace with the Irish and make a good place for Jews in case that Israel has fallen. Those Sunni monsters will regret the day when they will fight against a united army of Jews, Christians and even Muslims as we will take down Saudi Arabia and their oppressive imperialism that have been antagonizing their neighbors such as Egypt, Turkey and many others in the Middle-East. Although despite the fact I support the union of Abrahamic religions, I also support Celtic paganism. What are your religions?"
Scout: "Atheist."
Medic: "Protestant."
Heavy: "Orthodoxy."
Spy: "Catholic."
Sniper: "Protestant."
Soldier: "Judaism."
Everyone stare at Soldier.
Soldier: (confused) "What?"
Scout: (nervous) "Um, does that mean you had your-"
Soldier: (confirmed) "Yes. Yes I had."
Scout: (a bit freaked out) "Okay, uh, what's yours, Pyro?"
Pyro: "The Nine Divines."
Scout: (more annoyed) "Seriously!? You chose a religion from a fucking video game!?"
Pyro: (defending his opinion) "Well, it was either that or the Church of Atom, which is even a more dumber religion. Who the fuck worships atomic structures?"
Scout: (super annoyed) "No, following a religion from a video game is dumb, no matter what it is."
Heavy: (normal tone) "Just call yourself a pagan so we can move on."
Spy: (no longer give a fuck) "At least your more open minded than the bloody Protestants."
Sniper: (confused) "I thought that Catholics are closed minded. I learn about that from Miss Fisher's Murder Mystery."
Spy: (just as confused) "I thought Protestants are closed minded. I learn that from Moral Orel."
Everyone stood there in silence and confusion.
Medic: (normal tone) "Christianity is weird."
Soldier: (normal tone) "But back on topic on politics! *Spy groans in annoyance in the background* Democracy is weak! Monarchies are weak! And screw every left-wing ideology! We need to have politicians kill each other to reveal if they have the guts to lead or not!"
Demoman: (angry) "Fuck you, you barbarian! I'm gonna bring the Scottish blue and white flag over to all the countries still trapped by the parliament of the accursed English! Even Australia!"
Sniper: (angrier) "NO. YOU. WON'T! We need the British Empire more than ever in these terrible times!"
Pyro: (points out) "You are aware we are all wearing yellow, including yourself, right Demoman?"
Demoman: (stops) "The fuck?"
Heavy: (points out) "Da. We are on the YLW Team. The same color as monarchies."
Demoman's Rage Building Up.
Sniper: (scared) "Oh shit! You two shouldn't have said that!"
Soldier: (smug) "'bout time I get some combat!"
Pyro: (guilty) "My bad!"
[ULTIMATE SCOTTISH RAGE!] for thirty seconds. Stop the music.
Engineer shows up.
Engineer: (yelling) "SHUUUUUUUUUUUUT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK UP!" (agitated) "What the fuck is going with y'all?! I was getting ready to watch a documentary about the universe and y'all are making a huge racket that I had to turn the volume on the TV up and it still wasn't enough!"
Scout: (apologetic) "Sorry, Engineer! We were talking about politics and Demoman threw a tantrum about our team colors and the colors of the Scotland flag don't match."
Engineer: (aggravated) "Are you boys trying to get us fired!? You do realize that Miss Pauling and the company are watching us through their surveillance cameras."
Spy: (normal tone) "I removed them without Mann Co. noticing. And now I'm stuck here with morons that want to discuss about politics. And I absolutely hate politics."
Pyro: (bugged) "Then why don't you just leave already?"
Engineer: (facepalms) "Christ almighty. You're one of those apathetics that want nothing to do with governments, aren't you?"
Scout: (normal tone) "He is. As for me, I'm a centralist. Medic prefers direct democracy, Sniper wants to bring back the British Empire under socialism with the monarchy, Pyro wants to create a gamerism nation with anarcho-friendship, Heavy wants to make a communist tsarist Russia, Demoman wants to free Scotland from the UK and make peace with the Irish and stopping the Sunni with a combined Abrahamic religion, and Soldier want politicians to fight to the death to see who would lead the nation."
Engineer: (disappointed) "Seriously? You boys want to support dumbass ideologies. Well, except for you Scout and Medic. At least you boys are more realistic."
Spy: (bugged) "Except he wants to bring in a third party in USA Congress."
Engineer: (normal tone) "I'm...alright with that. But Like I said, Scout and Medic are a bit more realistic. Why do you guys want to repeat the same mistakes that have been done over and over again. I think it is time to establish a nation where learning and advancement take priority as well as promote democracy. As for my ideology: scholastic commonwealth."
Cue Graduation Music.
Heavy: (confused) "What the heck is a scholastic commonwealth?"
Pyro: (unimpressed) "You got that from a mod in Stellaris, didn't you?"
Medic: (perplexed) "Is it democratic?"
Engineer: (happy) "Heck yeah! But since people want to throw temper tantrum like children, may as well treat them like them as we educate people on what is right and what is wrong as well as teaching history so people don't make mistakes of the past. Think of the nation like a school where we have an elected faculty senate that help spread knowledge and advancement to other nations to make sure they won't fall into the same trappings as they did before." (grumpy) "But that doesn't mean you can just combine a bunch of failed ideologies into one. Like monarchism and communism. Both of those are failed ideologies in Russia. And you want to combine them and make it into a double failed ideology? Are you brain dead, son?"
Heavy: (angry) "Don't mock Heavy!"
Engineer: (grumpy) "And you, Sniper. You want to bring back a dead empire and think that it might save the world? And socialism ain't gonna help either. Not to mention that I don't support the idea of some of these nations being part of the U.K. parliament either. They should go full on independence."
Sniper: (middle-finger) "Fuck you!"
Engineer: (disappointed) "And you Pyro? Where the hell do I even begin. You think having friends and promote gamers into a position of power is a good thing? Gamers aren't friendly with other gamers! Haven't you played DayZ where people just kill you because you have loot? And promoting people like them would cause untold anarchy and chaos and they only care about them games that let them use cheat codes. You can't use cheat codes in real-life, son!"
Pyro: (sad) "But I thought I would make things better and promote video games. Plus, I would like a lot of friends."
Pyro hugs his unicorn.
Engineer: (disappointed) "And you, Soldier. Why the hell do you want to promote bloody gladiator sports? That's the type of things tribal cavemen would do. Are you trying to be a more violent version of the BLU Soldier?"
Soldier: (smug) "No, but that would be funny." [sinister chuckles]
Stop the music.
Engineer: (scared) "Stop it. Get some help."
Spy: (bugged) "And I highly doubt democracy would work either. We already stated about corruption and the abuse to the system before you arrived. I'll I want to do is to be left alone with my vineyard and make wine without any merde bag screaming about what they support or being a violent asshole defending their beliefs. I personally blame those social media sites that are promoting hatred and over sensitivity that inflate the egos of those that believe that their ideology is superior because of some fad leftist or rightist movement. Plus I highly doubt people would stick to what they learned from your flawed institutional nation. When people become teenagers and become hormonal, they toss aside everything they just learn and focus more on appearance rather than knowing the person themselves. If you have seen the anime, My Dress-Up Darling, it does a fine job describing modern teenagers yet every now and then we get people like Marin. Not enough people like her and too many Gojos. To make matters worse is when they now think themselves superior over everyone else, which we call a superiority complex. And it is exactly the problem with people and the world leaders."
Heavy: (angry) "Superiority is stupid! Why can't everyone be equals?"
Sniper: (agrees) "As much as I hate to agree with the communist tsarist fatso here, he's right."
Medic: (agrees) "In my medical opinion: superiority is terrible. But now that I think about it, we are acting like a bunch of superiors when arguing over our ideologies."
Scout: (agrees) "Yeah... This is weird."
Soldier: (trash talk) "Then you all admit that your ideologies are complete garbage and mine is superior. You can all suck my great snuff-loving cock now! Killing people is better than all your bullshit!"
Everyone pulls out their weapons. Except for Pyro and Spy.
Demoman: (super angry) "THAT'S IT, YOU FUCKING BARBARIAN!"
Heavy: (super angry) "Enough! Come on, Sniper. Let's teach these democrats and morons on how leftist monarchs can dish out punishment!"
Sniper: (just as angry) "Yeah. Let's make a better world."
Medic: (very angry) "Come on Engineer, Demoman and Scout! Time for a democratic revolution and give them proper education in pain!"
Engineer: (cocks shotgun) "I got my discipline stick at the ready!"
Scout: (cocks pistol) "Time to split things down the middle!"
Demoman: (annoyed) "That was a terrible centralist joke!"
Soldier: (rocket launcher at the ready) "Once I kill you assholes, I will be the leader of the YLW Team!"
Pyro: (panics) "Calm down everyone! Can we just play a game where we can use our ideologies to settle our differences? I know that not all games have our ideals, but at least we can settle our differences without bloodshed."
Spy: (threatening) "EITHER YOU ALL STOP THIS NONSENSE OR I'M CALLING MISS PAULING ON SPEED DIAL!"
Everyone drop their weapons on the floor and raise their hands in fear of losing their jobs.
Spy: (smug) "And you all make fun of the French for surrendering. Let's just call it a day and do what Pyro suggest. As a matter of fact, I found a box that has the original Xbox with Harry Potter Quidditch World Cup. Who wants to settle things with a magic sports game."
Everyone is in agreement and would be happy to play.
Heavy: "Heavy gets Bulgaria!"
Soldier: "USA! USA!"
Sniper: "I'll go Australia, mate!"
Medic: "I obviously get Germany!"
Demoman: "They don't got Scotland, but I'll play England. Close enough."
Scout: "I get Spain! I love the Spanish arena."
Pyro: "I'll settle for Japan."
Engineer: "I'll get the Nordic Team. I really like the outfits. The arena is good as well with the beautiful northern lights."
Spy: "And I'll obviously get France. Who needs politics? I certainly don't. We're better than the other teams. So let's play!"
To Be Continued...?
