Chapter 13: breathin'
Summary: TW: talk of suicide and abortion.
The couple woke up to Olivia's excited shrieks coming from downstairs. They looked at each other before slowly getting out of bed. Addison would've loved an extra ten or 20 minutes in bed, wrapped up in her boyfriend's warm arms.
"What are the chances she's being kidnapped?" Addison asked, only partially seriously.
"With four adults and three teenagers in the house?" Jake asked rhetorically.
"Yeah, you're right. Wishful thinking," Addison joked. Jake chuckled, shaking his head at his girlfriend's antics.
The couple headed downstairs, ready to face the madness.
"What is going on, everyone?" Addison asked once they reached the bottom of the stairs.
"Mommy!" Olivia charged over with her face set determinedly.
"Good morning to you too, Livvy bug," Addison picked her up, kissing her face all over, even though Olivia pushed her away.
"Mommy! Why didn't you tell me there was a sleepover? I missed it!" Olivia exclaimed.
"Because it happened after you went to bed, and little girls named Olivia need their beauty rest. Besides, you have school today, so you need to get dressed soon," Addison said.
Olivia pouted.
"Not fair. Sloan gets a sleepover, and she doesn't have to go to school!" Olivia pointed out.
"Sloan's coming to work with me, so she does have to do something. You're always bored when you come to the office with me, right?" Addison asked softly.
"Yeah, but it's not the same!" Olivia exclaimed.
"Hey, maybe we can have a big sleepover on the weekend before Sloan goes home," Maya suggested, trying to help. She was already up and had gone home to change, as she was now ready for school.
"I mean…as long as Aunt Addie's okay with it," Maya added, hoping she hadn't overstepped.
"You can bring your boyfriend back," Sloan joked.
"Yeah! Dr. Jake can sleep over again, too! Please, Mommy?" Olivia begged, her excited jumping unable to be contained as she pleaded with her mom. The other girls giggled as Jake tried his best to ignore them all by starting to make the coffee.
"Alright. I guess that'd be okay," Addison said, giving in to the girls. They giggled and cheered along with Olivia.
"Now, go get ready for school," Addison directed. Olivia pouted back.
"Don't give me that face, Olivia. Upstairs. Now," Addison said sternly.
Olivia was still young enough that Addison's discipline worked well with her. Addison dreaded the day it would stop working, knowing Olivia would likely become a defiant teenager. After all, she saw how Amelia was as a teenager and she saw the similarities between the two more and more every day.
After looking up at her mom, she turned around and marched upstairs, with Addison following closely behind.
"Ange, you should follow her lead," Jake suggested, nodding toward his daughter's bag.
"Fine," Angela said. She had school to get to, and she didn't care enough to pick a fight. Especially since she suspected if she did, her dad would be angry, not only because of her defiance, but also because it would embarrass him in front of his girlfriend.
Maya took their bowls from breakfast and put them in the dishwasher. She knew Aunt Addison tried to keep the house clean for the housekeeper, so their job was to keep the house running smoothly.
Jake looked around, seeing what he could get Olivia to eat before school. He knew there were a lot of people in the house today, so time management was something they needed to prioritize.
"Just cut up some fruit and pop a frozen waffle into the toaster," Amelia said when she saw him looking around the kitchen.
"She'll eat it and you can take it to go," Amelia added. Jake nodded his head in thanks, grabbing the box from the freezer.
He placed the bowl down in front of Olivia by the time Addison came back. And Addison looked at him, appreciative that he took the time to find her kid breakfast.
"Thank Amelia," Jake told her.
"She told me what to get. I didn't even have to ask," Jake smiled.
"Frozen waffles?" Addison made a face.
"Amelia, I thought you stopped buying those things," Addison sighed in disappointment. She tried to get her sister-in-law to eat healthier, but sometimes she had to admit defeat.
"Nope," Amelia responded by popping the p sound loudly.
"Sometimes you just need frozen waffles when you're in a rush," Amelia shrugged, kissing her niece's head.
"Ange, Maya, we're leaving if you guys want a ride to school," Amelia called out, turning toward the teen girls before heading out with Michelle in tow.
"Addie, I'm gonna be late today. Michelle has an appointment," Amelia added, ducking out the door. The two teenagers ran behind her so they wouldn't miss their ride.
"Sloan, do me a favor and come with me just for today. I can't let Liv think you're just gonna stay home all day while she goes to school," Addison whispered as Olivia ate her waffles.
"What am I supposed to do all day?" Sloan whispered back, annoyed.
"I don't know. My office has a computer; I'll let you use it when I don't need it. And I'll let you come back here at lunchtime," Addison offered. Sloan thought it over.
"Can you get me sushi for lunch?" Sloan asked, figuring she could try to get something else from this deal.
"Fine. We have a deal?" Addison asked.
"Deal," Sloan agreed.
"Okay, Liv. We gotta go," Addison said after seeing Liv finish her breakfast.
"Can I go with Dr. Jake?" Olivia asked, going to get her shoes on.
"He doesn't have a car seat for you," Addison pointed out, even though she was touched that her little girl wanted to ride with her boyfriend.
"Actually, I still have Betsey's in my car act," Jake said out loud, thinking maybe it was time to buy a more permanent one for his car.
"I don't need one. I'm a big girl," Olivia retorted.
"Yes, you do," Addison said firmly.
"Come on, let's go," Addison directed. Olivia huffed, storming out the door.
Addison silently apologized in advance to the girl's teacher. She knew Olivia would have an attitude today. All because she wasn't invited to a sleepover with the older girls.
Addison dropped Sloan off at the house at noon, as promised, with strict instructions: stay on the private beach, don't swim without someone else present, and don't leave the house. At least for today. Addison wasn't sure if she liked the idea of the girl wandering around L.A. by herself, but she knew she probably couldn't stop it. So, for today only, it was a rule. She'd have a car to drive around by tonight.
She knew Mark probably, or at least hopefully, set his own rules with Sloan when it came to her vacation in LA. She didn't want to overstep because she wasn't the girl's mother, or even around her that often. Even if Mark gave her carte blanche to do as she saw fit.
She headed back to the office with her own sushi in hand, thankful that Olivia was at school so she could enjoy it.
"Where's the blonde kid that was following you all morning?" Charlotte quipped, seeing her walk into the kitchen.
"Back at my house. Her name is Sloan, by the way. Not that you asked," Addison responded, not bothering to make eye contact.
"What was she doin' here? You adopt a kid or somethin'?" Charlotte asked.
"No. She's spending her break with me. You've met her dad: Mark Sloan," Addison said nonchalantly.
"He has a kid?" Pete asked, surprised.
"Two actually. A teenager and a two-year-old. I delivered the younger one," Addison said proudly.
"Of course you did," Pete commented, chuckling.
"Who else would've?" Addison asked.
"Any other OB in Seattle?" Violet asked jokingly.
"I am the only competent OB around who can help when your 14-year-old crashes a car with a woman who's eight months pregnant with her unborn baby sister sitting in the passenger seat," Addison replied.
After lunch, Addison moved back to her office to see some patients, just about to get ready to get Olivia. She was worried about Amelia; she'd holed herself up in her office all day since she got in late that morning. Addison offered to grab her some lunch, but she turned it down. Maybe Michelle's appointment didn't go as well as she was hoping.
Addison thought about checking in on Amelia, but decided not to. She didn't want to risk working the pregnant woman up. So, she slowly packed up her things, hoping Amelia would come to her.
"Addie?" Amelia asked, as she barged into her office. Addison looked up as she held her purse.
"Oh, um…never mind," Amelia said quickly, turning around.
"Wha -, hold on," Addison tried. Amelia couldn't decide which way she wanted to go; towards Addison or the door.
"Amelia," Addison said sternly, gently brushing her fingers against hers in a weak attempt to grab her hand. Amelia turned to face her.
"What's wrong?" Addison asked.
"I don't…I don't know. I was feeling queasy, but then I just felt like I got hit in the back with something hard, and I don't know what's wrong. Maybe something's wrong with the baby?" Amelia rambled, letting out her insecurities.
"Hold on, Amelia. Relax. Tell me exactly how you're feeling," Addison said, guiding her towards the couch.
After she got Amelia to sit, Addison moved to grab her medical bag and pulled out a stethoscope to check Amelia's and the baby's heartbeat. She laid a hand on Amelia's stomach first to see if there were any physical factors to Amelia's stomach pains. And she was relieved to find that it wasn't as stiff as a drum. Then, she listened for the baby's heartbeat before moving to Amelia's chest. The baby's heartbeat was stable and Amelia's, unsurprisingly, was a little fast, but nothing of grave concern.
"Any dizziness? Nausea? Long painful cramps?" Addison asked, trying to get a better idea of how the girl was feeling.
"No. Not more than normal, I don't think," Amelia replied.
"Okay, explain to me again what happened," Addison said calmly.
"I went to the kitchen to grab a snack after my last patient and it felt like someone tapped me hard on the back," Amelia explained.
"Where exactly did you feel it?" Addison asked.
"Um…like around here?" Amelia tried to physically show Addison where she was referring to.
"And how long did it last? A second, a minute? Longer?" Addison asked.
"I think it was just for like a few seconds. But Addie, something feels wrong," Amelia insisted.
"Well, you and the baby seem fine now, but if it'd make you feel better, we can get set up in the exam room for an ultrasound," Addison offered.
"I…no…I…I don't want everyone to know. Everyone's still here," Amelia looked around as if someone was going to open the door unexpectedly.
"No one said anyone had to know," Addison said reassuringly, moving closer to Amelia and resting her hands on her shoulders as Amelia glanced back and forth.
"Amelia, if you think there's something wrong, there's only one real way to find out. You know that," Addison coaxed. Amelia swallowed hard.
"But you said there's nothing wrong, right?" Amelia asked.
"I said that there doesn't seem to be anything wrong, but you and I both know that's not always the case. And I tend to believe expecting mothers know when something's wrong," Addison replied.
"Amelia," Addison said softly, moving her hand from Amelia's shoulder to her belly.
"Do you think there's something wrong?" Addison asked, waiting for confirmation.
"I…I don't know," Amelia admitted.
It didn't feel the same anymore as it did earlier. That hit in the back really did last a few seconds long. But then she felt it again. She swore it didn't hit as hard as it did last time, but Amelia still let out a small noise. She looked up at Addison, the panic apparent on her face, but Addison was smiling back at her.
"What? What is it?" Amelia asked, scared to find out the answer.
"Amelia. Your baby's kicking," Addison chuckled.
Amelia stayed still, in a state of shock. Her baby kicked. No one told her a baby kicking really just felt like someone swatting you on the lower back. Regardless, the baby was real now. She could feel him or her inside her, and it wasn't just some external feeling where the baby made her crave peanut butter or gave her nausea. This baby kicked. It was more than just a collection of cells now. It had a foot.
She slowly looked up at Addison with a deer-caught-in-the-headlights expression on her face. Addison could tell that Amelia was venturing into a spiral.
"Okay, Amelia. Breathe for me," Addison tried holding the younger woman's hands.
"Just keep breathing and hang on for two minutes. I'm gonna get Dell or something to get Liv, and then we can sit here as long as you need to, okay?" Addison asked, trying to keep the younger woman calm.
Keeping her eyes locked with Amelia's, Addison walked over to the desk to call Dell and heard the phone ringing from the receptionist's desk, meaning he had already left. So she quickly called Jake, knowing from earlier he had the spare car seat in his car.
Once Jake answered, she asked if he could pick Olivia up. She didn't want to out Amelia, so she just told him she had a patient emergency. Jake reassured her he had no problem picking Olivia up, even offering to watch her until Addison got home. Addison, relieved, told him he could just drop her off at home with Sloan. Just because she didn't like the idea of a 16-year-old driving around her six-year-old daughter, it didn't mean she wasn't capable of watching her at home for an hour.
Once Addison had that dealt with, she went back to Amelia, leaning down in front of her.
"Tell me what's wrong," Addison said soothingly, pushing the hair away from Amelia's round face.
"I thought I could just ignore it and it would all go away, but now it's real and there's a chance that Michelle won't get to meet this baby, either," Amelia sniffled.
"This wasn't how we planned it," Amelia added.
"She was supposed to see my kid grow up. She was supposed to have more time," Amelia cried out.
"Hey, hey," Addison soothed.
"Sometimes, things just don't work out, but right now, Michelle is here. She might still have enough time left," Addison added.
"Addie, you don't get it. Michelle doesn't have years, or at least she doesn't want it. She's threatening to kill herself. And she's serious, too. She doesn't want to be around while her body deteriorates and she doesn't want to be a burden to anyone. She keeps saying she'll do it soon, but she keeps waiting. It just keeps getting worse," Amelia sobbed, unable to stop.
Addison knew this had been building for a long time. Amelia tried to ignore it for the longest time, but finally, the dam broke. And all she could do was sit here and let her cry it out.
"I just want to call Derek and make him make it stop," Amelia cried, sounding much like her younger self.
"He's this big-shot neurosurgeon and a self-proclaimed god, so why can't he cure this? Why does everyone leave Addie?" Amelia asked weakly.
"My baby has no father and they won't even get to meet my best friend. I can't do this, Addie. Any of it. Why won't it stop?" Amelia asked.
"Amelia," Addison started, moving over to sit beside her to hold her.
"I love you, and I know you want it to stop. But you and I both know life doesn't just work the way we want it to just because we want it. I wish I could make all the hurt go away, but I can't. And Derek might be a neurosurgical God, but he can't cure Michelle. Not this late in the game. You know that," Addison explained.
"But what you do have control over is this baby," Addison added.
"Addie, I can't; it's too hard," Amelia said, getting up from her seat to pace around Addison's office. Addison grabbed her hand gently before she got too far.
"Amelia, you are 22 weeks. You still have two weeks until you can decide…what you want to do," Addison said.
"But I don't know what I want to do!" Amelia exclaimed.
"I know. And I'm sorry you're going through this. If I could offer you any guidance or make the problem go away for you, I would," Addison said.
"Then, why can't you? You decide; I can't," Amelia said, pushing Addison away and turning to stop herself from crying harder.
"Amelia, I can't make this decision for you. You know that. This is your pregnancy. It's up to you. What do you want to do?" Addison asked, forcing the girl to look her in the eyes.
"I don't know! That's my problem, Addie," Amelia reiterated.
"Amelia…," Addison started.
"No! I don't wanna do this anymore," Amelia exclaimed, ready to leave the room, but Addison grabbed her hand a little harder this time, forcing her to stay.
"Amelia, you cannot run from your problems anymore. I know you're hurt and confused, but that doesn't change what's happening. I love you, and I will be here for you whether you decide to terminate or have this baby. So, I can and will give you an abortion if that's what you want. Or I can see you through this pregnancy," Addison said, more sternly this time.
"I've done this enough times to know that despite how confused you may feel, you know. In your heart, you know what you want to do. So, I'm gonna give you another minute to think before I ask you again; what do you want to do, Amelia?" Addison asked.
They were both silent for a minute, Addison still holding Amelia's hand. Amelia took some deep breaths, her previous hyperventilation now gone. Amelia looked up slightly at Addison, who tilted her head, waiting for her answer.
"Amelia? What do you want to do?" Addison asked again.
"I want to keep it," Amelia finally said.
A/N: Chapter title inspired by the song, breathin' by Ariana Grande.
Reference to the line Addison told Maya when she almost went through with an abortion (at Naomi's insistence) from Private Practice 3x12 (slightly rephrased from the original lines).
And We didn't even realize it while writing it, but Amelia feeling the baby kick and Addison telling her she was fine is a small reference to when something similar happened between Meredith and Bailey in Grey's Anatomy 9x13.
Last note! Even though we posted some stuff late last year we didn't actually wish anyone happy holidays so hope you had a great holiday whatever you celebrated! And we wanna hear all about it! So tell us what you did!
