Breaking Free
Trigger Warning: This story contains scenes of domestic violence, and physical and emotional abuse. The main character was in an abusive relationship with her ex-boyfriend, who hurt her both physically and mentally. The story also depicts the main character's struggle to escape from the abuse and find love and healing with another person. If you are sensitive to these topics, please read with caution. If you are experiencing domestic violence or need help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website. You are not alone, and you deserve to be safe and happy.
Prologue
BELLA
Graduation day. I thought it would never get here and in a flash the ceremony was over. My summer vacation was going to be cut short, as I started classes at Western Washington University in a matter of weeks. I wasn't sure how I was going to tell my best friend, Edward, my plans.
I looked over me shoulder and saw Edward standing among some of our friends. He glance over at me, a smile forming. I felt my heart flutter in my chest. He always had that effect on me, even though I never admitted it to myself or anyone else. He was so handsome, with his bronze hair and green eyes, glittering like emeralds, and his perfect smile and dimples. The smell of his cologne made me feel warm and safe. He always hugged me when we met or parted, and his arms felt strong and comforting around me.
I wondered if he noticed how I reacted to him. How my breath hitched when he touched me. How my cheeks flushed when he complimented me. How my eyes lingered on his lips when he spoke.
I watched as he moved toward me and the group of girls I was talking to.
"Bella," he said, pulling me into his arms and hugging me. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"
He seemed nervous as he offered me his hand after I had stepped out of his embrace. Without a second thought, I took it feeling an instant warmth as his hand encased mine.
Maybe he did notice. Maybe that's why he wanted to talk to me. Maybe he had something important to tell me. Maybe he felt the same way as I did.
I followed Edward as he pulled me away from the crowd of our friends and family, who were celebrating our graduation. He didn't say a word as we walked, and I felt a knot of anxiety in my stomach. What did he want to talk to me about? Was it something serious?
I tried to think of what it could be. Was he sick? Did he have some terrible disease that he had been hiding from me? Did he decide not to go to college? Did he enlist in the military, and was he going to leave me tomorrow?
I glanced at his face, but he was expressionless. His eyes were focused on the ground, and his jaw was clenched. He looked like he was preparing himself for something difficult.
He stopped at a secluded spot under a tree, and turned to face me. He took my hands in his, and I felt a jolt of electricity run through me. He looked into my eyes, and I saw a mix of emotions in his: love, hope, fear.
"Bella," he said softly, "I know this is probably the worst timing ever, but I don't care. I have to tell you this."
He took a deep breath, and I braced myself for whatever he was going to say.
In a tender voice, he said, "I love you, Bella."
He said it so simply, so sincerely, that it took me a moment to process it. He loved me? He loved me as more than a friend? He loved me as a girl?
I felt a surge of panic. How could he love me like that? We had been best friends since second grade. We had grown up together, shared everything, been there for each other. He was like a brother to me. A brother.
That's what I blurted out.
"Edward, you're like a brother to me," I said in a shaky voice.
"Why did I say that? Why did I lie to him? I wanted to take the words back. To tell him that I didn't mean it. That I didn't know what I felt for him. That maybe I loved him too, in a way that I hadn't realized before. That I was scared of losing him as my best friend if we tried to be something more. Scared to explore what I was feeling for him.
But I couldn't say anything. My throat was dry and tight. I felt like I had just stabbed him in the heart.
I saw his face fall. His eyes darkened with disbelief. He dropped my hands and took a step back.
"A brother?" he repeated incredulously.
No, Edward. Not a brother. Not just a brother. Something more. Something different. Something better.
But I didn't say anything.
He shook his head slowly, as if trying to clear it.
"Wow," he said bitterly. "That's not what I expected to hear."
He looked at me with a pained expression, his eyes moist. He possibly could see the truth written on my face. The way I had drawn my lower lip into my mouth. It was a lie.
It was a lie, Edward. A stupid lie. A cowardly lie. A lie that I regretted as soon as it left my mouth.
He turned around and walked away.
"Edward!" I called after him. "Wait!"
He didn't stop. He didn't look back.
Please stop, Edward. Please look back at me.
He just raised his hand in a gesture that told me to leave him alone.
I felt hot tears blur my vision as I watched him go.
Don't go, Edward.
What had I done?
I ruined everything.
What had I lost?
I lost you.
EDWARD
Throughout the whole graduation ceremony my thoughts were on Bella. On what I had to tell. I barely heard my name being called. If it wasn't for Avery Davis giving me a little nudge, I wouldn't have moved across the stage, collecting the empty folder for my diploma.
When the ceremony came to an end, my mind was still on Bella and getting her alone to talk. Mom had other ideas and pulled both Bella and me aside for pictures.
Bella disappeared, standing in for pictures with other friends. My eyes followed her as she flitted from group to group. I did the same, being drawn into the festive atmosphere and the excitement of the day.
A half hour later, I glance over my shoulder and found Bella looking at me. Her chocolate eyes glittered and became unreadable as I moved toward her.
What that look all about? I thought, continuing to move toward her.
"Bella," I said, pulling her into my arms and hugging her. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"
My hand trembled as I reached out for hers. Relief washed through me when she took hold of it.
I lead her away from the noisy celebration. I needed to find a quiet place where I could talk to her, where I could bare my soul to her. I had been hiding something from her for too long, something that was eating me up inside.
I loved her.
I loved her more than anything in the world. She was my best friend, my soulmate, my everything. I wanted to be with her, to make her smile, to share my life with her.
But I didn't know if she felt the same way.
We had been friends since we were kids, and we had never crossed the line of friendship. We had never kissed, though I had dreamed of it many times. We held hands and cuddled when we were single, but we never took it further. We had never said "I love you" to each other, except as a joke or a platitude.
But I wasn't joking anymore. I wasn't satisfied with being just friends anymore. I wanted to date her this summer, to show her how much I cared for her, to see if we could be more.
Before it was too late, I had to tell her how I felt. Before we went off to college, and our lives changed. Before she met someone else, and fell in love with him. The thought of losing her to another guy made me sick with jealousy, made my heart ache.
I had to tell her today.
This is it, Edward. This is your moment. Don't let it slip away. Don't be afraid. Just tell her how you feel. Maybe she feels the same way. Maybe she's been hoping for you to say it. Maybe she loves you too.
I walked with Bella in silence, trying to muster up my courage and find the right words. She looked at me with curiosity, her eyes warm and caring, but she didn't say anything. She probably sensed that something was on my mind.
We walked to a shady spot under a willow tree, where the breeze rustled the leaves and the birds sang softly. I turned to face her, and took her hands in mine. She smiled up at me, making my heart skip a beat. She looked into my eyes, and I saw the familiar spark of affection and trust in hers.
She was so beautiful, so perfect, so innocent. She had no idea how much she meant to me.
"Bella," I said softly, "I know this is probably the worst timing ever, but I don't care. I have to tell you this."
She tilted her head slightly, and waited for me to continue.
OK, Edward. Just say it. Just say those three words that you've been dying to say for so long. Just say 'I love you'. It's not that hard. It's not that scary. It's the truth. It's what you want. It's what she deserves to hear.
I took a deep breath, and poured out my heart.
"I love you, Bella."
I said it with all the sincerity and emotion that I felt. I hoped she could hear it in my voice, see it in my eyes, feel it in my touch.
I hoped she would say it back.
But she didn't.
Her eyes widened like saucers. She looked confused. She looked scared.
And then she said the worst thing possible.
"Edward…" she started.
I squeezed her hands, hoping to hear her say something else.
But she didn't.
She said it like it was a fact. Like it was obvious. Like it was the end of the discussion.
"You're like a brother to me."
A brother?
A brother?
How could she say that? How could she think that? How could she not see how much I loved her?
She shattered my heart with those words, leaving me in pieces.
She broke me.
No, no, no. This can't be happening. This can't be real. She can't mean that. She can't see me as a brother. She can't do this to me. She can't do this to us. How can she not love me? How can she not feel what I feel? How can she not want what I want?
I let go of her hands and stepped back. A wave of pain and anger and disbelief crashed over me, making me gasp for air.
"A brother?" I repeated incredulously.
How could she do this to me? How could she reject me so easily? How could she lie to me?
She lied to me. I know she did. I saw her bite her lower lip, a sure sign that she was not telling the truth. That hurt more than her words. Her false words. Why did she lie to me? What was she afraid of? What was she hiding?
She opened her mouth to say something else, but I didn't want to hear it.
Just go away, Bella. Just leave me alone. Just let me breathe.
I shook my head slowly, trying to clear the fog from my mind.
"Wow," I said bitterly. "That's not what I expected to hear."
I looked at her one last time, and saw the regret and sadness in her eyes. Saw her concern for me. Saw her hand twitch, like she was stopping herself from reaching out to take hold of my hand.
But it was too late for that. It was too late for us.
I turned around and walked away.
"Edward!" she called after me. "Wait!"
But I didn't wait. I didn't stop. I didn't look back.
I just raised my hand in a gesture that told her to leave me alone. I needed time. She needed time. Maybe by the time we left for college, things would be different.
