JOURNAL
Notes

Log Entry 005

Department: RDA TAP
Location: Please see attached.

USER005: I didn't mean to eavesdrop on Nor and Ri'nela earlier, I just happened to overhear. Since then, I can't seem to focus on anything else. Even as I'm writing now, I feel Alma's eyes brushing over me with silent concern.

I'm usually pretty okay at paying attention to the studies and writing down notes. That's what this tablet's supposed to be for, and not meaningless doodles. Unlike me, Nor and Ri'nela prefer pen and paper, and Teylan gets distracted too easily on his own during class. So, count me lucky. If I want to keep this up though, I should at least try looking busy. Especially, when Mercer makes a habit of walking-in on us as of late.

"So today, we will continue our talk about Earth economics and the laws of supply and demand-" Alma paces around the room, articulating, but right now my mind's drawing a blank screen.

I keep thinking about this one thing. The same thing I heard Nor talk about a while ago, though it never carried as much impact as it did the last few nights. I didn't need this tablet to keep me awake then. My thoughts managed to do it all on their own.

Nor raises his arm next to my shoulder. For some reason, he prefers to sit next to me during class, and not Ri'nela, even though they seem to share a closer relationship.

"Why do we have to use human weapons?" He asks.

Everyone knows this question was coming, Alma included. The placated look we used to receive from her when we were shorter had been replaced by one of slight annoyance at comments like these. Just like the one she is giving Nor now. But that's not all. She seems... agitated. Worried, even, these past couple weeks. I tried asking her about it, but all Alma does is brush me off with a smile. I think she forgets, sometimes, that we're not kids anymore.

It makes me think about growing up in TAP and makes me curious of what life might have been like outside, among the Sarentu clan. Who we'd end up being if our clan hadn't abandoned us. If I'd be a different person or the same. How our daily life would look like and how or what we would study... what food we would eat. On a good day we get RDA rations for dinner. On a worse day, Mercer attends class and then it's straight to showers and bed.

If I were honest, I think I could enjoy taking showers if it wasn't for the disinfectant, they have us use. It makes my skin itch, which isn't nearly half a sting when applied to the kuru. It used to be bad in the beginning, especially when others used to scrub it on us. Thankfully, the hoses have been put away and we learned to pretend.

Shoes, though, took a little while to get used to. Usually when rules happen Alma quietly watches, but she's "put her foot down" on this one (she used to joke), so we don't have to wear them all the time. It did mean more frequent showers and haircuts for everyone to keep us from being "dirty" though. It's all "give-and-take", as Alma likes to say.

"Nor, we've been over this." As she says this, Alma props her palms against Nor's writing space with what seems to be a mute sigh. "Pandora is a very dangerous place."

She's got a concerned look in her eye. A quick glance at Teylan and I know he believes her. I am almost inclined to too, but then Nor's hushed conversation with Ri'nela from the other night comes to mind. Words I've heard before and forgotten. Words that kept me awake.

I dreamt it again. They took us from our families.

Took us? No.

We'd been abandoned by our clan. Mercer and Alma found us and adopted us. They saved us. Gave us an identity. A privileged life... hadn't they? This is our home.

Nor speaks up again, almost as if he's just read my mind. "But we've hardly seen Pandora, how do we know what we're protecting ourselves against?"

I'm surprised when he looks at me instead of Ri'nela. As if Nor is searching for... not approval, but, I don't know, appreciation of his humor? There is a tinge of sarcasm in his tone, I can tell. My surprise doubles when I see Nor break into a smile that is meant for me (I think?). I almost want to look over my shoulder to double-check. His eyes are soft and playful. Uncertain what to make of it, I break eye contact between us and focus on Alma instead. She seems torn between pursing her lips and putting on a diplomatic face.

I have to say, sometimes Nor makes me wonder holdon mercer is here? somethingsup swapping to audio