Here we are. I know this is a bit of a random posting but it's what you get for now.
JCP: Thank you! I always thought it was too easy to imagine that something would happen between them after that door closed, to me that moment was all about comfort. The way Cal told the woman at the bar that he shouldn't have been there, as well as how he frantic he was on Gillian's doorstep, made me think that perhaps processing things alone would have not been a bad idea.
Tori: I have many interpretations of this moment but in none of them they ended up having sex or something like that. They both needed emotional support more than anything else in my opinion, and Cal was the one who probably had more process.
Now, here is a new one: this is about the closing scene from 'Sweet Sixteen' and it's a stay.
"So all that talk about you being a bad liar, that's just an act right?" It came out harsh and he didn't like it, not with that tear coming down her cheek, but suddenly seven years of deceit rolled up on him cramming into his mind and it was a damn miracle that he could control himself at all. "That's a lie."
Gillian scrunched up her face in a grimace of guilt, pain and regret before taking in a short breath that could have been a sob.
"It depends on the lie."
Her voice came out as a whisper, shaky and broken but not for this any less confident. Cal could feel it, he could see her unwavering confidence in the fact that back then she had made the right call, matched only by the regret for having lied to him about it. But he caught a brief smile on her lips, nervous perhaps but still genuine, a sign of relief for the fact that whatever she had done then had kept him alive as well as his family.
He wasn't exactly happy to know that she had kept that from him for such a long time, nor that he had been so easily manipulated by someone who barely knew him at the time: but that look on her face, the way she was falling apart right in front him as he had never seen before, the sheer panic in her eyes as the idea she might have just lost her best friend…all of that easily wiped away whatever resentment he might have felt, especially when he realised how utterly lost and heartbroken he would have been if the roles had been reversed. Barring Emily, Gillian was the most important person in his life: his best friend, his confidant, someone who knew him well enough to rely on him when nobody else would, she was the one who could keep up and put up with him, she was the woman he -
He stepped forward and wrapped her close to him before she could see anything that would make her run away, feeling confused and relieved when she threw herself at him in response, holding him tight as if she was afraid he could change his mind and start yelling at her, resting her face between his neck and shoulder.
Cal felt her clinging onto him, taking in a deep breath and releasing an equally long one trying to control her emotions, still battling with herself and him. He didn't want her to do that, he didn't need her to keep blaming herself and certainly not to worry about him turning his back on her. Desperate to let her know all of that, that the hug wasn't just for show and that he really meant to push away the events of that day and of years before, Cal tighten the grip around her with one arm and put the other hand on the back of her head, cradling her softly and swiftly turning the intense hug into some sort of slow dance. He kept doing that without saying a word until he felt her relax, little by little, one muscle at the time, and when he thought she was calm enough he angled his head a little so that he could speak in her ear.
"It's ok love," he reassured her. "It's done, all over. We don't need to talk about it anymore."
Cal caught the light shiver running through her body at his whisper but decided to ignore it, after all she did the same. Then kept holding her, for as long as she let him, before Gillian started to pull back a little without going very far.
"Maybe we should," she said, still struggling to look at him. "Cal, I'm so sorry I-"
"You saved my life, Foster," he cut her off gently, still holding the back of her head so that he could delicately force to look at him. "They didn't threaten you, you had no personal stake in that. It was me on the line, you could have minded your own business or not try as hard as you did to get me to keep my mouth shut."
"First and last time I ever managed to do that," Gillian mumbled softly while clearing her eyes of tears, making him chuckle and pull her close for another hug. "It's not that easy Cal, all these years keeping something like this from you-"
"Alright love, if you're gonna make this difficult we're gonna have to sit down," Cal quipped, pulling away from her and smirking. "Got my ass handed to me a couple of times today, I could use a little rest."
Gillian rolled her eyes at him but Cal could tell she was grateful for the silly interjection, then followed him to the couch. Cal sat down first, adjusting his position and truly feeling all the sore spots in his body aching as he did so, then stretched his legs on the coffee table and watched as Gillian sat close, leaning into him and stretching on the rest of the couch, resting her head on his chest. It was an automatic response, the one coming from him, muscles' memory at its best as he moved his right arm around her and they assumed a trusted position.
Cal hoped that because of that she would drop it, he truly didn't need any more explanation and he didn't want her to feel like she owed it to him. In all honesty, he was more than happy with his current situation: he had gotten rid of a ghost from the past, found solace and redemption for one of the worst thing he had ever done in his life, given closure to a man he had lot more in common with than what he'd like to admit and after that he felt that not only his relationship with Gillian had not been broken by any of it but instead made stronger…and she was there, laying close to him peacefully and invading his nostrils with her perfume and tickling his skin with the soft fabric of her dress…
"Why aren't you mad at me, Cal?"
He sighed, realising only then that he had closed his eyes to enjoy the moment better, wondering why she couldn't just let it go. But he knew why, if it had been the other way around he would have wanted to know as well.
"Because there's no point, not anymore." He said. "Because I can't afford it, love. Not that I didn't know that already, but these days showed me once more that you have my back, no matter what. Even when I don't do much to deserve it." He felt her shift a little, making herself more comfortable, and took it as a sign that she was following his reasoning. "Nothing good would come out of me holding a grudge, not when you were looking after me. You know back then, working on the Doyle case, I liked to think I was different than him, that I was better…but like him I was just making decisions on other people's lives based on my own beliefs. The difference was that mine were rooted in science rather than ideology, but not enough to justify how things went. He lost everything, and I walked out of that mess with my family, a new wonderful best friend and a kickass business partner."
"You better remember that, my birthday is coming up," Gillian mumbled and he stifled a laugh. "For what is worth, Cal…just because I had to convince you back then doesn't mean that the things I told you were not true."
"I know that love, that's another reason why I can't be mad at you." He reassured her, absently looking at the top of her head since she was looking down. "I didn't know that then but I learned as we got to know each other. You are exactly the kind of person who would try to help a man get over his demons, and I know that is why you took the job at the Pentagon in the first place. Not to do someone else's dirty work but to help others working there dealing with the things they did for a living."
There was no reply or even attempt to respond from her, she was silent and quiet and Cal wondered if she hadn't just fallen asleep. With no proof of it whatsoever, not unless he'd tried to move and possibly disturb her sleep, Cal sighed and dared a soft kiss to the top of head, just before taking an even bigger risk.
"I am my worst enemy and you are the only person who can save me from myself, Gillian. And I live in fear that one day you will get tired of doing that."
This time she did respond in some kind of way, but it was a soft snoring that Cal found adorable and, for his own sake, perfectly timed. Yes, he'd figured she'd be already lost in the arms of Morpheus and wouldn't hear him, but he knew how much it meant to him to be able to say it out loud no matter what. Then he adjusted a little to make sure she was as comfortable as possible before locking into position and waiting for her to wake up at her best convenience.
What did you think of this? Was Cal's face in the end of the episode that of a man willing to let go of the past?
Now, remember you have to answer 'cause I really want to know your guess! The next one is "Secret Santa': will Cal stay or go?
