AN: Happy New Year Everybody! Sorry this one took a bit longer than expected, I'd intended to have it ready for New Year's Eve, but that didn't quite happen. It's here now though! Before we begin though, as is tradition, Reviewer Replies!

Kamen Rider Sentry: I'm very glad you enjoyed, and no, I'm quite thoroughly off the Naruto bandwagon now.

Waleon: And more you shall have!

JackFoxGaming24: Well, perhaps not as soon as any of us had hoped but here ya go!

Theereaderofall: I'm very glad you're still enjoying (^_^)

Sultan Asil Arslan-Hiatus: Why would I fight you over that? How are things going with the Emperors? Read on and find out!

TheWolves1331: (Bursts through the door with the Mallet of Stop Laughing) Don't worry! I will save you!

Temsen: There are indeed priorities, and they are indeed 100% straight.

vegaulloa: (Does the 'Chopper-can't-take-a-compliment' dance) Thank you!

Guest8991: Weeell...not quite. First week of the New Year though!

vanaham: Don't worry, I intend to keep this one going for quite some time (^_^)

Reptil: I think this chapter may make that a little bit more clear. (^_^)

FallenSage: Thank YOU for your kind words! Feedback is fuel, and negative feedback can be poison, so having wonderful people like you vocally enjoying my work is seriously the best thing an author like me can ask for. (^_^)

bobthebuilding: I'm very glad you're enjoying! Look no further for here more is!

C: Thank you!

Lazy Servant: You're very welcome, I'm glad you're enjoying!

Sargent Epsilon: I'm very glad you're enjoying, and don't worry, 'Late' is not 'Never' (^_^)

Curveball Guessing Guest:Very glad you're enjoying still! Don't fret, I'm nowhere near done with this story. (^_^) Oh, Shiki's in for a lot more than just that! (evil laugh) Yep, even crippled Kuina's every bit the beast Zoro is, when she's got her legs back? YIKES. Yes, I'm a terribly cruel fellow, but if you're looking for smut, you can check out my AO3 profile which has a few steamier pieces that I don't post over here (also I can actually reply to comments over there as soon as I see them instead of having to wait for the next chapter posting, which is why I've begun crossposting over there). Reiju would have one shot Mohmoo if he wasn't at the sea floor in the middle of the night by the time she and Koala caught up to him. Visibility issues you know? Regarding Honey Queen that's quite possible, and Streusen's preserves are actually still a REALLY big deal, completely non-perishable food is always a huge deal for logistics. The reason Bones told Arlong that Smoker was a 'Logia as strong as a Vice-Admiral' is because he's aware that the person who beat Arlong's ass and threw him in Impel Down was a Vice Admiral Logia (Borsalino hadn't made Admiral yet when he caught Arlong) so it's a lowkey trauma button for old saw face. Regarding love interests (cheeky grin) read on and find out! Regarding the rest of it, (grins) Well, just read on and find out. (^_^)

Guest: More here!

Greer123: Yep.

Dr Devil Fruit: Actually Reiju effectively already has a slightly weaker (for now) copy of the Doku Doku no mi which is the basis of her Poison Pink powers, she won't be eating another Devil Fruit as she can't. As for Bones, that's not his name. His actual name has not been revealed yet. Regarding any devil fruits he might be eating, nobody has even come close to guessing it yet.

Guest: I'm not here to argue power scaling. Bones told Arlong that Smoker was Vice Admiral Logia because that combination is a lowkey trauma button for Arlong given that the person who threw him in Impel Down was Vice Admiral Borsalino. Oh, Vegapunk will have many very interesting things to say. As for the Murakumogiri, nnnope!

Guest: Yeah, I was super peeved about it too. Will he meet twee Bonney-chan? Maybe!

ItsNotTheMoon: Correct! He has not, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know what our dear afro-skelly likes.

Guest: Yes she will. Yes he would. No I wasn't. Yes she will.

Guest who feels no reply is needed: Yeah I think I can do that!

.

And now, without futher ado, HANG ON TO YOUR HATS Y'ALL THIS ONE'S A DOOZY!


CHAPTER 11 - THE SHAKE UP

…A Few Hours Later, Longbuck Island…

Hatchan was shaken awake and as soon as he realized who was shaking him shouted in terror and scrambled backwards, "W-WHITEBEARD?!"

"Where's Arlong Hatchi?" Bones snarled.

…Half An Hour Later, Loguetown…

Garp stood at the prow of his ship, sitting atop the massive figurehead in a way highly reminiscent of his grandson although neither of them knew it. The key difference was that Garp was looking back at the activities on his ship rather than out ahead. Things were going quickly as they made ready to depart.

"I'm still not happy about this," Garp grumbled into the snail he'd set on the figure head before him, "I want to make absolutely sure Luffy's not become a pirate while I was gone. You're sure this can't wait Senny?"

"I'm afraid so Garp," Sengoku replied, "If it makes you feel any better though, Commodore Ain is testing something this morning that'll make the Navy nigh unstoppable."

Garp raised an eyebrow, "Oh? What's that?"

"Larger scale application of my power," Ain declared as she popped out of thin air in a pinkish glow a few feet in front of Garp, "Ready to go Vice Admiral? We'll be returning to Marineford first to meet with the fleet."

"What sort of application?" Garp asked, "And where did you spring from?"

"I'm able to return to any place I've been previously," Ain explained with a smile, "So if I've ever been to a place, I can return to it at will. What I proved just now is that I can also return to positions relative to people I've met even if they're somewhere I haven't been. So since I've been this close to you before, I can return to being this close to you again at will. What I proved a few minutes ago is that I can move entire battleships and everyone on them with me when I go."

Garp took a moment to mull that over and then grinned, "That is cool! So after we beat Shiki you can bring me right back here to check on Luffy right?!"

Ain nodded, clearly pleased with the praise, "Right!" Then her smile faded slightly as she leaned slightly to the side to get a better look at something behind Garp, "What's that?"

Garp turned and his eyes widened, "That…is a problem."

Rapidly approaching from the horizon was a massive wake, and in the space of a minute it had closed half the distance. As it drew closer Garp surged to his feet and roared, "ALL HANDS PREPARE FOR BATTLE!"

The form at the front of the wake swerved as soon as Garp shouted, and Garp raised his eyebrow, "So you can see me huh?"

Ain had a different reaction as the wave from the wake washed against the hull, "Holy shit, I didn't know Bones was that fast!"

Garp side eyed her as Bones disappeared around the corner of the island, "So that's the one they're calling Whitebeard Jr. huh?"

Ain nodded as Bones rocketed off around the island, blowing waves apart as he smashed through them without slowing down, "Yes sir, but I don't think he's here to fight. He'd have tried to smash straight through the hull if he was."

"Tsuru said you know him, can you find out what he's doing?" Garp asked.

Ain saluted, "I can try sir, please be ready to fish me out if I miss or can't catch him." She glowed pink and then disappeared, reappearing hanging over the water in the middle of Bones' wake. She teleported back to Garp's ship with her heart hammering as she had only narrowly dodged falling into the sea, "That didn't work…I can't teleport in front of him or he'll slam right into me. His body's like solid steel, so with him moving at that kind of speed, it would be like getting hit with a you sized cannonball. Hang on, let me call him, maybe he or Yamato will answer."

She fished out Mr. Sleepy and quickly dialed Bones. She waited nervously, acutely aware of Garp looking over her shoulder expectantly. It took a moment but a few rings later Bones picked up, "Go for Bones."

"What are you doing charging up to Vice Admiral Garp's ship like you intended to ram it?" Ain asked, "Doesn't really seem like you to do something that reckless."

"I didn't realize he was still there," Bones replied, "Hi by the way. Is that your usual uniform? It looks very nice on you. I'm currently trying to chase down Arlong the Saw and his fishmen pirates, would you mind if I get back to that? I have to catch up to them before they make it to the Conomi Islands, and this was kind of in exactly the wrong direction but I didn't know if they might come here first or not."

Ain blushed lightly, "Um, yes, please continue beating up pirates."

"Turn yourself in while you're at it!" Garp added loudly.

Bones glanced in the direction he thought Garp was, "Not happening Garp, there are too many things I still have to do. I've got tyrants to topple, pirates to pummel, lives to save! On that note, Luffy hasn't got a bounty and therefore isn't a wanted criminal. You can leave him be and go beat up Shiki no problem. Don't be surprised if he turns in Arlong the Saw soon for the bounty."

Garp thought for a second, "I thought you were trying to kill Arlong?"

"I am," Bones replied, "but a pirate can't exactly cash another pirate's bounty to redistribute the money for rebuilding the towns decimated by that other pirate, now can they?"

Garp took a second to process that and then burst out laughing, "ALL RIGHT! I LIKE YOUR STYLE! YOU GET A PASS TODAY BUT DON'T CROSS MY PATH AGAIN YOU SHITTY PIRATE!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Bones replied with a smirk before hanging up.

"Your little boyfriend's not bad for a pirate," Garp told Ain with a grin.

Ain blushed crimson, "HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND! HE'S JUST ONE OF MY INFORMANTS!"

Garp laughed and patted her on the shoulder, "Of course he is! Don't worry, I won't tell Tsuru."

Ain continued to blush and stammer denials for several minutes before Garp reminded her what she was there to do. Once he did, the entire battleship and everyone on it vanished in a flash of pink light.

…A Few Hours Later, Arlong Park…

Arlong was still angry as he and his crew approached Arlong Park, they'd made quicker time on the way back since they'd been able to catch a northbound current. Now if only he could remember why they'd left. It had been nagging at him for a few hours, but he couldn't stand to ask for help. Now though they were almost home and it still hadn't come back to him, so he glanced over his shoulder, "Hey Kuroobi, Chew, why were we on Longbuck Island anyway? Like, what were we talking about before that human challenged me to a fight?"

"Nami called him to get a location on Buggy the Clown," Kuroobi replied dryly, "You were going to go make an example of him."

"He tried to get handsy with Nami, so you were going to slaughter his entire crew," Chew added.

Arlong had stopped in the water and just hung there for a moment before cursing, "DAMMIT! That other shitty human got me so distracted by bringing up Brother Ti, I completely forgot!"

"It's fine," Kuroobi reassured him, "We can just chill out at the Park tonight and then set out again in the morning."

"Yeah," Chew added, "We can ev- what was that?"

Before anyone could speculate about what had just shot across the surface of the water with such force it created reverberations all the way to the sea floor fifty feet below, a wall of force blasted the sea away, leaving the Arlong Pirates hanging twenty feet above dry sea bed. They fell screaming to the sea floor, and though it was a nasty tumble, fishmen were made of sterner stuff, so it didn't hurt them as bad as it would a normal human.

Arlong picked himself up first, spitting mud out and shaking off the unexpected blow as his body switched back over to lungs rather than gills. "What the hell was that?!" He pulled himself back to his feet, "IS EVERYONE ALRI… What the hell?"

Around them the sea had been forced open, creating a sort of arena with them at the bottom. "H-how…Is this a Devil Fruit?!" Arlong's mind raced as he tried to explain the impossibility before him.

"Blue Chasm," declared a voice that made Arlong's blood run cold. Arlong turned and saw a figure that made his heart skip a beat standing on an outcropping glaring down at him backlit by the setting sun, "Did you think I wasn't coming?"

Arlong tried to stay calm. He really did. He didn't succeed, "W-WHITEBEARD?!"

"You wish," Bones declared murderously, then there were no more words, only screaming and death.

…Meanwhile, Inside the Courtyard at Arlong Park…

"REIJU WHAT KIND OF MONSTER IS THIS GUY?!" Nami exclaimed as she recovered her voice and Arlong Park's central tower collapsed in the background from the force of Bones using it as a backstop to change direction and stop the fishmen from reaching the shore.

Reiju gawked for a moment and then set a faintly trembling hand on Nami's shoulder, "That Nami, is what I'm talking about when I say 'New World Bullshit'."

"That is so far beyond ordinary New World Bullshit!" Koala corrected in a minor panic, "I'm not sure the REAL Whitebeard could do that in shot!"

"Nah, Grandpa could've done that, so Whitebeard should be able to as well," Sabo mused before lifting his hat to reveal a bucket of popcorn on his head. Where he got it, how long he'd had it there, why it was under there, even Koala wasn't sure. He took it off his head, set his hat back on his head and started eating as the screams of dying fishmen started to ring out from the exposed sea floor.

"Splitting the water like that I mean," he clarified as he fished for his next bite of popcorn, "the crazy bit is that the water hasn't gone back yet. That's the part I'm having trouble with. Maybe it's a Devil Fruit? I mean, I guess he could be using his Haki, but I'd almost rather it be a Devil Fruit. Luffy if you steal my popcorn, I'm going to reintroduce you to my pipe." Luffy retracted his hand.

"Could Mihawk do that?" Zoro asked, his eyes twitching as he boggled at what he was seeing.

"Probably wouldn't be as wide since he'd probably use his sword," Sabo mused, "But yeah, probably."

"I've got to get SO MUCH STRONGER…" Zoro declared as he sank to one knee.

"Yep," Sanji agreed, "Thank god my dream doesn't require being the world's strongest anything."

"Relax," Bones told him calmly, "You'll probably be the World's Strongest Cook by the time Luffy's Pirate King. So, who missed me?" As everyone realized Bones was standing next to them, the sea roared as it fell back into place. Bones just smirked.

"Hey Bones, thanks for coming," Sabo replied nonchalantly as though he saw the sea get split open all the time.

"That was terrifying," Koala declared in a voice of forced calm, "Are you sure you don't want to join the Revolutionary Army?"

"Parallel goals, separate route," Bones reminded her with a smile, "Speaking of, oh where did I put it?" He rummaged in a very large sack that Usopp couldn't help but notice had an awful lot of blood dripping out the bottom of it, "I know I put it in here somewhere…"

Now that the sack had been brought to everyone's attention, they couldn't get its presence out of their minds. It was not a small sack, and the burlap was rapidly turning from brown to maroon as blood soaked through it and made a puddle at Bones' feet. Whatever was in it was lumpy, and it smelled so strongly of recent gore that anyone not familiar with the smell or even just particularly sensitive to it would've been immediately very sick.

Bones apparently didn't meet that requirement as he was perfectly cheerful about pulling Arlong's head out of the bag with a face still frozen in the horrified expression he'd been wearing as Bones quite literally knocked his head off his shoulders, "AHA! One Arlong head for Nami, as promised!"

Nami shied away from the proffered head, "Um, that's okay! I… really just wanted him gone, I don't need the head!"

Bones blinked at her, "Are you sure? It's worth twenty million beris and Zoro being a famous bounty hunter can totally claim that for you."

Nami was suddenly much less reluctant about accepting the decapitated head of her long time tormentor. "Thank you!" she smiled gleefully.

Bones held out the rest of the sack to Zoro, "The rest of these are to help with rebuilding anything Arlong and his crew tore up, can you make sure it gets to Genzo the sheriff?"

"So, what do you want done with Arlong's bounty?" Nami asked cautiously, because there was no way he was just handing her twenty million beris. Right?

Bones looked at her and thought for a moment before smiling, "Can it be a down payment for an autographed copy of that Atlas of the Entire World when you get it finished?"

Whatever Nami had been expecting, that wasn't it. After so long being driven entirely by her mission to buy her village's freedom, she hadn't even given any thought to her old dream. Being handed a full fifth of the sum she'd spent the last ten years trying to gather was a sincere shock.

To be handed the head of the monster that had murdered her mother and tried to take that dream away from her to twist and use as a weapon against the entire world, that was a miracle she had long since given up hoping for.

For the same someone who did the first two to earnestly ask for nothing in return but to see her near forgotten dream complete, wholly believing that she would? Because he didn't said 'if', she realized, he said 'WHEN', which means he considers it only a matter of time and hasn't Reiju said repeatedly that he's some kind of oracle? That was something she hadn't even realized was a thing to be wanted but was overjoyed to have gotten.

She was in fact so overjoyed that it moved her straight to tears, which distressed Bones and Sanji immediately. Nami wanted to tell them it was okay, they were happy tears, but the tears were having none of it.

After about thirty seconds, Sanji had decided it was firmly Bones's fault, and sea splitting haymaker or not, making a lady cry was grounds for an immediate connection of steel toed dress shoe to skull. So at thirty and a half seconds, Sanji was airborne. Bones stopped trying to frantically apologize as Sanji's flying roundhouse kick connected to the side of his head.

To Sanji's rapidly dawning horror, despite putting all he had into it, the kick elicited nothing but a blink, a look of surprise and a confused, "Ow?"

For all that Sanji had put every shred of power he could into it, Bones did not go flying as most did. His skull was not stove in, hell it hadn't even moved his head. Despite the way Sanji had felt his own toes nearly jam from the impact, Bones looked like he hadn't even properly felt it. He definitely wasn't hurt, he wasn't even offended judging by the look he was giving Sanji. If anything, Sanji's mind churned up, he looks like he just felt a raindrop from a clear blue sky. Is that what it felt like?

Sanji landed on his feet and Bones just blinked at him in confusion. Sanji couldn't read minds but if he could he was certain he'd be hearing, Why on earth would you do something that pointless and stupid?

It was incredibly awkward for a moment. Sanji was a hot blooded fellow, and not built for awkward silences. So when he didn't quite have a good response to something, if it was a male, he had a go-to response: get angry. So that's what he did, "DON'T JUST STAND THERE! SAY SOMETHING!"

Bones was quiet for a moment and then, "Are you aware that your kick packs about the same amount of force as a 45 caliber pistol? It's quite impressive. Actually," he mused, "It may be more. This body seems to be getting stronger the longer I'm in it, so I'm not sure I can judge force accurately by impact feel anymore. I haven't had been shot with a forty five again, so I'm unsure of how much stronger it is now than it was."

"My kick is way stronger than a 45!" Sanji protested, "I can stop cannonballs with my kicks!"

"Actually a 45 round is typically faster, so an equivalently sized round would pack more force," Bones explained, "But I haven't been shot with a forty five in a few weeks, so perhaps my point of reference is outdated. Have we figured out whether Nami is crying happy tears or upset tears? Oh hey, she's laughing."

Nami was indeed laughing, albeit still with watery eyes. She wiped her eyes, "I, I hadn't even thought about it in so long…" She looked up at Bones with a genuine smile, "Thank you, yes, I'll definitely give you an autographed copy when it's done."

Bones smiled, "Wonderful, I'm looking forward to it." Then he picked his head up, "Now let's see, was there anything else I needed to do here? Ah, that's right," he turned to Zoro, "Kuina is very much looking forward to seeing you in Loguetown and she wants to go on a date. Also," he turned to Luffy and Sabo, "Garp's in Loguetown. I think he'll be leaving soon, but, you've been warned."

Sabo and Luffy tilted their heads in unison and then looked at each other, "Shit."

"Luffy's probably not actually in trouble since he doesn't have a bounty yet," Reiju mused, prompting Bones to jerk slightly.

"Shit, shit, shit…that's what I forgot," Bones muttered as he fished in his pockets for his Transponder Snail, "Ah…Mmm…Eh…" he lifted his hat to scratch his head, "Um… Luffy, I can get you a thirty million beri bounty right now, which would be great for your reputation as a pirate, but it would make things a lot more difficult for you in Loguetown, and your Grandpa would beat you up because he doesn't realize you're a pirate yet. So, you can currently get away with him not beating you up on sight, but only because you don't have a bounty yet. Alternatively, I can make sure you get the same reputation boost, but you won't get a bounty and people won't know right off the bat that you're a pirate."

Luffy thought about it for a moment, "Will I be able to get a bounty later?"

"I'm sure you will," Bones replied, "You asked me not to tell you what you'll find in the Grand Line though, so I can't tell you why I'm certain, but I'm certain you will be able to get a bounty. Although, really I don't think you need one, especially since it'll make things a lot harder for you."

Luffy thought for a moment, "Harder how?"

"Marines and bounty hunters will be chasing you, which I know you expected, but also you'll be unwelcome in many ports if they see you are flying a Jolly Roger so you'll have a harder time resupplying, and on top of that you won't be able to cash the bounties when you beat up pirates you don't like, so you'll have less money for meat," Bones explained.

Luffy actually thought about it. He thought about it so hard his face turned red and he looked like he might pass out from the effort, which left Bones glancing to Sabo for confirmation that Luffy was actually okay. A moment later though, Luffy looked around, "Guys, what do you think? Bounty to declare we're pirates or no bounty and we get money and meat?"

"Booze too?" Zoro asked.

"Of course booze too!" Luffy agreed, "I mean, more meat but yeah booze too."

"I vote for booze and meat," Zoro declared.

"Keeping our heads off the World Government's chopping block certainly won't hurt our odds of success," Reiju mused, "Avoiding a bounty will do that."

"If not having a bounty means we get lots of money then you should already know I choose money," Nami declared firmly.

"And no bounty means the Marines won't be out to get us," Usopp added, "So we'll have less trouble overall. You said we can still be famous though, right?"

"As long as Nami and Reiju are happy I'm cool with it," Sanji declared.

"I'm not sure we get a vote since we're not part of the crew…" Johnny mused.

"…but you're definitely better off avoiding the Marines and bounty hunters that would come after such a big bounty," Yosaku finished.

"It's definitely a lot of trouble that it's easier to avoid," Gin agreed.

"It'll at least put off your next beating from Gramps," Sabo nodded.

"Right," Luffy agreed, "So no bounty yet. How do we do that?"

"We make a snail call," Bones replied with a grin.

…A Few Minutes Later, Marineford…

Sengoku glanced at his Transponder Snail as it started ringing as soon as Garp walked in. Sengoku pulled the transceiver off the stand, "Sengoku here, talk to me."

"Hello Fleet Admiral, it's Reiju, did you miss me?" Reiju asked sweetly.

Sengoku tensed reflexively before letting out a steadying breath, "Ah, Princess Vinsmoke. I'm glad to hear from you. Your father's had Cipher Pol in quite a tizzy trying to figure out where you are."

Reiju smirked, "If he asks, tell him I'm taking a vacation. I wanted to call and let you know that my friends and I have just busted Captain Nezumi of Branch E-16 for corruption. I understand Commodore, I believe his name is 'Pudding-pudding' is in the area to reply to a distress call from the village of Goza regarding the decimation of said village by the Arlong Pirates. Nezumi has been covering up numerous attacks and a massive protection racket run by Arlong the Saw and his crew in exchange for significant financial compensation that Arlong has been bleeding out of the people of the Conomi Islands."

Sengoku went pale, "Thank you for letting me know. I'll see to it that Nezumi is investigated and court martialed thoroughly. Will you be dealing with Arlong and his crew or would you prefer I send back up for Commodore Pudding-pudding?"

Reiju laughed lightly, "Oh Fleet Admiral, you should know I wouldn't call if the situation wasn't already well in hand! We've got Arlong's head right here, and his crew's heads in a sack for the bounty identification."

Sengoku twitched, "Bounty hunting, Princess? Not what I'd have expected for a vacation."

"Arlong has been strongarming a friend of mine into committing petty theft for years with her entire village and family's lives on the line," Reiju replied a hint coldly, "My friends and I decided to educate him on how unacceptable that is. Arlong's bounty will be given to my friend and her sister as compensation for him killing their mother in front of them, and the rest of his crew's bounty will be put towards reconstruction and trying to get the Conomi Islands back on their feet. I expect the Navy to offer full assistance to the people of Conomi as reconciliation for their failure to even remotely curb Arlong's reign of terror."

Sengoku winced slightly but nodded, "That is very generous of you Princess Reiju, and I fully agree. The Navy will make sure the Conomi Islands are properly looked after from now on. I will make sure it is arranged. May I ask who all else is there with you? Vice Admiral Garp just walked in and says he knows someone you made the front page with a couple of days ago."

Another voice suddenly came on and Luffy called, "Hey Grandpa! I'm beating up pirates! Don't try to stop me!"

Garp and Sengoku blinked at each other and then Garp burst out laughing, "WHY WOULD I EVER TRY TO STOP YOU FROM BEATING UP PIRATES?! THAT'S MY FAVORITE THING TO DO! YOU BEAT UP AS MANY PIRATES AS YOU WANT TO LUFFY! IF YOU SEE EITHER OF YOUR BROTHERS, BEAT THEM UP TOO AND THEN GIVE THEM A HUG FOR ME!"

"Okay!" Luffy replied.

Sengoku smiled, "Alright, Princess Reiju, where should I send the money to? The money for Arlong's crew to Conomi clearly, and what about Arlong's bounty for your friend?"

"Send it all to Sheriff Genzo in Cocoyashi Village," another voice that Sengoku would much later learn to be Nami instructed cheerfully, "We'll be leaving the heads with him."

Sengoku nodded, "Very well, I'll make the arrangements immediately. Thank you for calling Princess, have a very nice vacation, and like Garp said, please feel free to collect as many bounties as you want."

"Have a nice day Fleet Admiral!" Reiju replied with a bright and cheerful smile before hanging up.

Sengoku hung up before looking up at Garp who was bawling happy tears, "I think that's quite possibly the most pleasant snail call with her I've ever had."

"I'M NOT A FAILURE OF A GRANDPAAA!" Garp bawled, "I'M SO PROUD OF HIM SENNY! LUFFY WANTS TO BEAT UP PIRATES TOO!"

Sengoku sighed with a smile, "No Garp, you're not a failure. It seems like Luffy turned out perfectly alright. That said," he added thoughtfully, "given that Commodore Ain reported Whitebeard Jr. being on his way to slaughter Arlong over the Conomi Islands thing, it does seem Luffy's at least on friendly terms with Whitebeard Jr. for him and his friends to be the ones Arlong's head was turned over to."

"And that's a problem?" Garp asked, "If Whitebeard Jr. wants to beat up pirates and hand over their bounties to someone who can cash them so the money can be given back to people who need it, then that's just a good audition for a Warlord seat isn't it? It's a hell of a lot more proactive and generous than any of the ones we've got right now isn't it?"

Sengoku opened his mouth to reply and then thought about it for a moment. "It is," he conceded, "If Whitebeard Jr. and World Tour survive Sakazuki, then I'll see about offering them a position. If they're even half as strong as Kaido or Whitebeard then they're certainly strong enough to merit it."

"You really think they'd accept it?" Garp asked with a raised eyebrow, "Those two don't strike me as being willing to hold back against anybody, even if they're wearing a crown. The Government won't like that you know. Whitebeard Jr. specifically stated he was out to topple tyrants, sounds to me like he's got almost as much a hate boner on for the government as he does for other pirates."

"And that makes him different from half the active Warlords how?" Sengoku replied dryly, "I doubt he and World Tour would help us fight Whitebeard, but anyone else? Judging from the reports I've received, there's no reason why they wouldn't join. So, if they survive Sakazuki, I think I will issue the offer."

"Alright, but don't be surprised when they reject it," Garp shrugged.

"I'll take it under advisement."

…Meanwhile, Arlong Park…

"You know he's going to be extra pissed if you become a pirate now right?" Sabo asked.

"Yeah, but he'd be mad anyway," Luffy pointed out.

"Just make sure the Government starts it whenever you have to go against them properly for the first time," Bones suggested, "Then it's not 'Luffy became a pirate against Garp's wishes', it's 'the Government forced Luffy to a life of piracy', and voila, you're fine."

Luffy blinked up at him and then a big smile broke out across his face, "RIGHT!" Almost as an afterthought, Luffy looked over at Reiju, "He's good."

Reiju blinked in shock and then laughed lightly as Sanji's jaw hit the ground, "Thank you Captain, I think so too."

"DAMMIT LUFFY YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAY HE'S A SCUMBAG!" Sanji protested furiously.

"But he's helping us out a lot?" Luffy pointed out.

"What if he's just trying to convince you that he's a good guy?!" Sanji snapped.

Bones tilted his head in confusion and glanced at Sabo, "Ey Twister, what am I missing here?"

"There was a bit of debate on whether you were helping us because you were a genuinely good person and friend or because you just wanted to get me in bed," Reiju explained, "I'm pretty sure you do, but you haven't even tried to seduce me yet, nor have you asked for any compensation aside from a copy of Nami's atlas when she finishes it, which is likely at least years away. That combined with Luffy's judgment that you're a good person is enough for us to agree that you probably are and thus don't deserve to be cashed in for your bounty."

Bones blinked and then gave a small smile, "Well, I'm certainly glad to hear it. Ah, on the topic of compensation, I've heard of something called a raw ham melon that grows around here? Can I get a few of those? I don't know how big they are, or if we'll even like them very much so I don't know how many we'll eat, but that sounds pretty unique and it would make a really neat souvenir for Yama-chan. She couldn't come because she's busy with the forging, but I'm sure she'd be overjoyed to get a new food to try."

"Forging?" Reiju asked curiously.

Bones nodded, "Yama-chan loves all things samurai, and her idol used two sword style. The smith in Zoro's hometown was actually an apprentice of the man who made one of the two Great Grade swords used by Yama-chan's idol, so we brought him the steel and asked him to forge Yama-chan a pair of katana. Apparently using Haki during the forging leads to a higher grade weapon, so Yama-chan's putting hers into the forging and helping Shiro-san forge Kuina's new blade since he asked for her help with it as payment for forging her blades."

"What do you mean Kuina's new blade?!" Zoro asked in slight outrage as he clutched the Wado Ichimonji's hilt defensively.

"Kuina says the Wado Ichimonji is the symbol of your promise to her," Bones explained, "So since you're to keep it, she needs a new one, and Shiro-san's been gathering and sorting the iron for it for years. He says it'll be his magnum opus the way Enma was for Kozaburo. Since you've already set out, he's sending it out with Kuina instead. If stronger Haki really leads to a stronger weapon, then given that Yama-chan's involved, I expect it'll be quite an impressive blade. Ah let's see, anything else, anything else?" He raised a hand to his head and looked down at the ground, "Am I forgetting anything? Ah, let's see, killed Arlong, got the heads for the bounty, kept my promise to Nami, got Nez'mi cour' martialed, presen' fer Yama-chan, meh tha Strawhats… Twis' did I f'rgeh anythin'?"

"You should probably lie down before you fall down," Sabo pointed out as he extended a steadying hand to Bones' shoulder, "How fast were you going anyway?"

"Was in Loguetown, at noon…" Bones panted as he sank to his knees, "Tired…I'll… go back… in the morning…" He narrowly caught himself as fell forward and managed to land on his side. By the time his shoulder hit the ground, he was out cold.

Nami twitched slightly in disbelief, "He was in Loguetown at noon? That's over eight hundred miles from here!"

Koala quickly crunched the numbers in her head before letting out a low whistle, "He was running a hundred and thirty miles an hour the entire afternoon. No wonder he's tired." She reached down and picked him up to sling his arm over her shoulder, "Weeell, come on sleepy head. Sabo, get his other side."

Sabo caught Bones' other arm and helped Koala haul him down the long dusty road towards Cocoyashi Village. Now that he got a good look around, he decided it was a rather beautiful little island. Tropical, nice rice fields, a forest off in the distance… and the East Blue's forever perfect weather, This would be a nice place to retire one day… he thought to himself.

"Longer than that," Zoro mused, "He probably ran from my home town to Loguetown first."

"Regardless of how long he was running, it's very impressive that he went that far for us," Reiju declared calmly before adding sharply, "And a very good reason why you should not make him angry Sanji. I'm not sure all of us together can stop him if he turns on us."

Sanji grimaced at the mild rebuke, "Oh come on, we could take him!"

"Reiju could stop him, maybe," Koala replied, "Depends on how resistant he is to poison, and I wouldn't count on that stopping him quickly enough to matter. Don't count on me and Sabo for it, we've seen what he does to people who piss him off."

"Koala, we'd help," Sabo protested.

"We'd try to calm him down, sure. I'm not dying over it if Sanji pisses him off, and neither are you Sabo if I have anything to say about it," Koala sniped back, "You know full well he'd be a nightmare to deal with even with both of us. IF we could deal with him! Honestly, if he wasn't such a giant sweetheart, I'd be scared shitless of him. He could tear me apart as easily as thinking about it!"

"He would never do that," Sabo pointed out, "He's super loyal to his friends! And you know his self-control's way stronger than his temper. Even if he was angry enough to hurt us, he'd walk away rather than act on it. He considers all of you friends by the way," he added over his shoulder, "He wouldn't have even offered to help if he didn't, let alone run all the way here to make absolutely sure it was handled."

"Sooo… why's Sanji trying to piss him off?" Luffy asked in confusion.

"I'm not trying to piss him off!" Sanji protested, "He's making moves on my sister!"

"Except he hasn't," Zoro pointed out, "If anything he gave Nami a pretty great gift and compliment. By the way, what's that 'atlas of the entire world' thing about Nami? Seemed kind of important."

Nami laughed lightly, still gleefully riding the ecstatic high of finally being out from under Arlong's thumb, "You know how your dream is to be the World's Strongest Swordsman? When I was a little girl, before Arlong came," she clarified with a small wistful smile, "My dream was to one day create a map of the entire world. Now that I'm older, I understand it would have to be an atlas to have a level of detail I'd consider acceptable, but it's been on the back burner for years since I had to prioritize saving my village from Arlong. Until today," she added with a large happy grin, "that's what Bones meant. He was reminding me of my dream so that I can go chase it down with all of you."

"So you will be my navigator?!" Luffy asked excitedly.

Nami smirked and mused, "Ohhh, I dunno…maybe I should go join Bones's crew instead? I mean after all, he is the one who beat Arlong and… what are you doing?"

"LUFFY DON'T!" Sabo shouted, rousing Bones just in time for Luffy to yank him by the feet from Sabo and Koala's grip and bodily hurl him over the horizon.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" Sabo, Koala, Reiju, Nami, Zoro, Usopp, Gin, Johnny and Yosaku bellowed in unison.

Sanji kept his mouth shut but actually looked quietly approving of Luffy's rash decision.

"He's been doing nothing but helping you and we just went over why you shouldn't piss him off!" Sabo bellowed as he shook Luffy by the lapels in frustration, "What the hell were you thinking?!"

"If he's going to try to poach my crewmates, then I don't want him around," Luffy declared firmly.

"I had no intention of disrupting the formation of your crew," Bones declared, quietly seething from where he'd reappeared behind Luffy in between blinks. Sabo let go and stepped back, Luffy turned and Bones slammed a jet black uppercut into Luffy's jaw with such force that it launched him off the road and sent him skipping across the rice ponds like a stone into the distance, "BUT IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG NOW YA RUBBERY LITTLE SHIT!"

Bones held the pose for a second before straightening up and looking at everyone else, clearly shaking with fury, "Tell Luffy, no, tell Strawhat when he wakes up that he has just earned himself a very staunch rival. I wasn't going all in on the whole 'Whitebeard Jr.' thing, but if he's the next Roger, by golly he just earned himself a Whitebeard, no, nonono fuck that, he's earned himself a Rocks to square off against! I still like all the rest of you, but I do not appreciate my help being spat on over wild and baseless accusations, so he does not get to request help from me or my crew ever again. As a matter of fact…"

An utterly evil grin split his features until his upper lip was the same shape as his moustache as he inhaled and then bellowed, "HEY STRAWHAT! I'M GONNA BE… KING OF THE PIRAAAAAAAAAATES!"

Bones let that hang in the air for a moment before looking at everyone else, who were all staring in wake of the most blatant possible declaration of war on Luffy, "And when I see you all again in the Grand Line, I'll have a crew of my own to challenge you all to a Davy Back Fight, and if he has any pride as a pirate at all, he will not refuse. Any of you who are sick of his foolishness by then will be completely welcome to join me at that time."

"I'd let you join now," he added, "but you've got things to take care of that I won't have time to straighten out, and he won't make it long enough for me to utterly demolish him in the Grand Line without all of you along for the ride since your crew is and will probably stay so small. I'm sorry, but please bear it for now. Millions of lives depend on all of you being on hand for the events at Alabasta, and with Kuina needing treatment at Drum, I almost certainly won't be able to make it in time. Sabo, Koala," he nodded towards the Revolutionaries, "Thank you for trying to get me to a bed. You two are of course welcome to call anytime you want and I'll still help you however I can. Reiju, you're free to call whenever you want, and Zoro of course I don't care if you call and chat the night away with Kuina. Honestly, I actively encourage you to. Nami, whereabouts can I find that raw ham melon?"

Nami pointed towards Cocoyashi Village in numb shock and Bones took off at the same blinding pace he'd been holding all day, his rage having apparently fully reenergized him.

When he was gone, Koala laughed quietly, "Holy shit Luffy just fucked up…"

Reiju could only stare at the dust trail Bones had left, "Yeee-ep."

…Somewhere In The New World…

Marshall D. Teach sat bolt upright on his raft, drenched in a cold sweat and looking around as he nervously laughed, "Zehaha, I'm in danger…" He got up, "Shit shit shit, how can I get out of here faster? Ah…Bring me that horizon!" He pointed towards the horizon and his hand turned into billowing inky darkness before nearly yanking him off his own raft. Teach only just barely managed to plant his feet and suddenly his raft was skipping along the waves like he was water skiing.

Teach only spent a moment or two screaming in panic trying to figure out what was happening, then he realized his Devil Fruit power was doing exactly what he'd asked it to. He couldn't help himself, he started laughing and began to pump his fist and dance as best he could without moving his feet from where they were keeping his raft under him as he sang.

"Zehahaha! I am Marshall D. Teach!

I was able to get my hands on this Devil Fruit, but that's not enough! It's not enough!

Men, raise the anchor! We're heading for Full'o'Lead!

In Full'o'Lead, there is Inaniwa Udon Kiritanpo Nabe Yami Yami

So even if there aren't any cherry pies here there's countless local sake! Yami Yami

Naughty children who would stand up against me, Are there any here? Are there any here?

Just watch, the New World Is my era! My era!"

.

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…Elsewhere In The New World…

"Do ya want me to go after him Pops?" Ace asked as Whitebeard read Teach's note.

"If he wants to strike out on his own, that's his business," Thatch pointed out, "We'll just be here for him if he ever wants to come home."

Whitebeard nodded in agreement, "I wish he'd told me in person, but he probably knows I'd want him to stay, and I can't imagine this was an easy decision for him. It would've probably been harder if he'd tried to tell us in person. Don't worry about him Ace. Teach is more than capable of taking care of himself. He'll be fine, and if he's not, well that's what family is for. Now then, moving on to more pressing matters," he picked up his bottle of rum and swished it, "This sounds almost empty."

…Meanwhile, Whole Cake Island…

"Well Judge," Big Mom crooned as dinner was served by the numerous servant Homies at the massive table she used for negotiations in one of the ballrooms at Whole Cake Chateau, "It seems we've found your daughter, and one of your sons!"

Judge Vinsmoke tilted his head in confusion, "Come again?"

A man with a garishly colorful outfit and a tongue as long as most men's arms handed a pair of newspapers to a servant homie to carry across the table to Judge, "It seems they're in the East Blue travelling with the grandson of Monkey D. Garp and a famous bounty hunter."

Judge reviewed the article on the front page of the more recent paper about a duel between Hawkeye Mihawk and some nobody bounty hunter after Reiju shot some no name pirate between the eyes for attacking… "Huh. Linlin, would you be averse to having the only one of my children interested in being a cook as the husband for one of your daughters?"

Linlin's eyes went wide, "Ooh, tell me more! Is he as good at cooking as your other children are at killing?"

"He'd better be," Judge declared dryly, "He left the family to be a cook, he'd better be a damn good one!"

Big Mom looked down at Perospero, "Perospero, send someone to find out if he's a good cook. If he is, then we might just have to have him!"

…Meanwhile, Wano…

Black Maria shot a nervous glance at the setting sun out the window of Onigashima's brothel, something that didn't go unnoticed by Ulti.

"What's the matter, slut?" Ulti demanded dryly from where she was reclined on one of the massive throw pillows in Maria's quarters, "I thought you'd be happy Kaido-sama finally accepted your invite."

Black Maria shot a venomous glance at Ulti and then stood without a word, undid her obi and slid off her kimono. Ulti's eyes went wide and her mask actually went flying off from the force of her shout, "WHAT THE FUCK MARI?!"

Maria trembled slightly as the tears she'd been trying to hold back all day finally started to flow and she squeaked out, "Yeah!" Then she sat back down, wincing as the pressure aggravated her bruises and started to cry in earnest as Ulti yanked out a snail so hard she almost cracked its shell and called Page One.

…Meanwhile, Marineford…

"Garp, good to see you again," Retired Admiral Zephyr declared as he shook his old friend's hand.

"Right back at you Zephyr," Garp declared with a grin, "Did you teach Little Ain how to do that thing where she pulled my whole ship here from Loguetown in an instant?"

Zephyr raised an eyebrow and looked over the top of his glasses at Garp, "Come again? Your entire ship? I didn't know she could do that. It does explain why it feels like there's been a new ship in the harbor every time I've turned around today though."

"Yeah it felt kinda weird honestly!" Garp laughed easily, "Felt like stepping back on land again for the first time after months on deck!"

"Yessir, sorry about that, it's just how the technique feels," Ain apologized as she appeared in a flash of pink light, "Um, there's one more thing I'd like to try for this operation, but I'm…a little hesitant to ask."

"If it's half as cool as moving my whole ship like that then I'm down no matter what it is!" Garp laughed.

"I'm willing to give it a shot Ain," Zephyr declared with a smile, "What did you have in mind?"

"Well, you know how the basic usage of my Devil Fruit is to age things backwards twelve years with a touch?" Ain asked with a smile, "I know it's not as useful against strong opponents since Haki can shut down adverse devil fruit effects, but if you accepted the effect willingly…"

Zephyr's eyes went wide as Garp waited for her to finish, not having cottoned on to what she was offering. "It's worth a try," Zephyr declared with an excited smile, "Even if it messes up this mechanical arm, I'd be happy to be your test subject Ain."

Ain raised a glowing pink finger with an excited grin, "Yes SIR!"

.

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AN: Anybody who wants to hear Blackbeard's song, go look up 'Blackbeard - Now My Hands Get!' It is an absolute jam.

Also, once again, this is cross posted on Archive of Our Own, so if you want a speedy reply to your comment, that's a much better place to leave one since I'll be able to reply immediately. (^_^)