Daddyward Contest

Title: His Light

Pairing: Edward/Bella

Genre: Drama/Romance

Summary: Fame can be an ugly cliché—sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Burned bridges, addictions, and self-destructive behavior nearly cost Edward Masen everything. He traveled an often-dark, long and winding road to end up where he always should have been. Fatherhood was his light in the darkness, and if you asked him, he'd say it saved his life.

Word count: 6408

His Light

The stage lights beat down on me, and sweat drips off my face and down my back. My shirt is soaked, and I'm sure my hair resembles a wet mop rather than its usual chaotic mess. On the outside, I'm a fucking wreck, but inside, I'm on cloud nine. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face if I tried.

I hold my fingers low on the frets to make my Fender Strat sing her last, and Emmett wails on the drums behind me as we wrap up our third and final encore of the night. Adrenaline runs wild through my veins. It always does when I take the stage with these guys. Being in the city I call home for the last show on this tour only heightens the feeling. My breaths come fast as my bandmates play their final notes. The final one-two-three crash of the cymbals vibrates in my chest, along with the furious pounding of my heart, as one last explosion of pyrotechnics bursts from the truss overhead.

The cacophony fades for just a moment before I grab the mic and shout, "Thank you and goodnight, Seattle!"

Jasper and Garrett hand off their bass and guitar to two of our roadies, and Emmett runs out from behind his drum kit. They all join me at the front of the stage. With our arms around each other's necks and shoulders, we stand side by side and take a bow. And as I look out into the crowd, the full house here at Climate Pledge Arena, I count my blessings. Moments like this—with fans screaming their heads off, friends I think of as brothers at my side, and the music still echoing in my head—are when it hits home just how much this life means to me.

And how close I came to losing it all.

xXx

The spray of the cool water is a welcome relief to my overheated body. After touring the country, I'm used to the unpredictability of facilities in venues like this. They range from concrete rooms with a showerhead and a drain to tiled shower rooms that would rival a five-star resort. Some of them are also cleaner than others, but, as I'm sure my girl would remind me, beggars can't be choosers. After sweating my ass off under the lights for close to three hours, I'll take what I can get. Besides, the setup here isn't half bad.

As I rinse the suds from my skin, a very welcome voice echoes in the tiled room.

"Knock, knock."

The corner of my mouth turns up in a grin. "You better not let my girlfriend catch you in here."

I hear her throaty chuckle over the water. "Oh, really?"

I twist the shower knob, abruptly cutting off the water, and reach for my towel. "Definitely." Pulling back the curtain, I'm met with the beautiful brown gaze of one of the loves of my life. "She's a jealous one."

Fire lights Bella's eyes. "Damn right I am."

I jerk my chin. "C'mere."

Without hesitation, she closes the distance between us and lays a kiss on me that does nothing to help cool me off. My tongue tangles with hers as I hold her body against mine. The feel of her barely there baby bump against my skin does crazy things to me, and I want nothing more than to pick her up, press her against the wall, and fuck her senseless. But as much as I'd love to get carried away, now is probably not the time. Instead, I palm her ass with the hand not gripping the towel around my waist.

I pull away but only far enough to press my forehead to hers. "Damn."

Breathing a laugh, she flicks one of my nipple rings. "You can say that again."

"You should have joined me in there. We could have marked another arena off our list."

My girl takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly as I assault her neck with my lips. "As tempting as a quickie in an arena shower sounds"—she takes a step back, breaking our connection—"there's a very anxious little girl out there waiting for you. So, that will have to wait until we get home."

"She's here?" Even I can hear the excitement in my voice.

With a smile on her face, Bella nods. "Esme brought her near the end of the set. And she's asking for you, so hurry up, Daddy. It's already past her bedtime."

xXx

Meet and greets are one of my favorite things about what we do. I love taking the time to talk to our die-hard fans. The people who follow Good Bye Eddie from city to city to support us are always the ones I go to first and thank for coming out to our shows. They're our bread and butter, after all. The part I don't like is when occasional press-pass holders manage to get in and try to turn what should be a laid-back event into an interview.

Especially on nights when my daughter is here.

"Daddy! I missed you!"

I have just enough time to put down my insulated cup of hot tea and brace myself as Twila jumps into my lap. "Hey, Bug. I missed you, too." I kiss her cheek. "Did you get to see some of the show?"

She nods, focusing her attention on the chain around my neck and the bronze sobriety medallion on it. "I did," she says, finally looking up at me. Excitement rolls off her in waves. "I saw'd the fireworks, too!"

I crane my neck, searching for my aunt, but she's nowhere to be found. "Where's Aunt Es, Twi?"

My daughter shrugs. "She was talkin' to Honey Bee, and I came to find you." She digs into her ever-present backpack and yanks out her prized collection of markers. "Can I color you now?"

I kiss the top of her head. "Yeah, Bug." With my agreement, Twila pulls the cap off a blue marker and starts coloring in the blank spaces in my tattoo sleeve.

"So, it's true?"

I look up from my little girl's artwork and meet the questioning gaze one of the fans I met earlier. "What's true?"

She points to my arm. "That your daughter's the reason none of your ink is in color."

While that may be true now, it hasn't always been the case.

I never made any conscious decision to only get black ink. But back when I got my first tatt, I was in a dark place. I'd left behind an abusive father and the girl who I'd come to see as a lifeline in our small, backwoods town. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that choice would lead me down a path of self-destruction. A path filled with poor choices and substances to numb the pain. A path I narrowly escaped. That time in my life nearly ended me, and the artwork I chose reflected that.

But then Twila was born, and my world wasn't so dark anymore. She was all the color and light I needed. I even chose her name because of its meaning—light in dark places. She instantly became my reason for living. My reason to clean myself up and prove to myself and everyone around me that I could be the kind of father I wished I'd had. It's because of my daughter that I have my head on straight, finally. Letting her add color to the dark, blank spaces on my skin—something that makes her smile brighter than the sun—is almost poetic.

Instead of telling this relative stranger the deep meaning behind my ink, I give her the generic, stock answer with a grin. "I think it's kinda cool to be your kid's favorite coloring book."

Knowing she now has a captive audience, Twila pushes the sleeve of my shirt up my shoulder. "He has lots, too. See?"

It's a little unnecessary. I have zero doubt anyone in this room hasn't seen most of my ink. If not tonight on stage, then in pictures. It covers both arms, part of my chest and back, and even inches up one side of my neck.

"Which one is your favorite?" the young woman asks.

Twila lays her tiny hand on my chest over my heart and looks up at the girl. Her green eyes shine bright and confidently. "The one for me and Honey Bee."

Confused, the girl glances at me. "Honey Bee?"

"That would be me," Bella says, walking up beside me and sitting on the arm of the chair. She runs her hand through my hair possessively. "I'm Twila's Honey Bee, right, kiddo?"

"Uh huh," Twi says with a single nod. "I'm Daddy's Bug, and you're my Honey Bee."

xXx

"Goddamn, it's good to be home."

Bella giggles as I dramatically fall into bed and lunge for her. "Stop. You're gonna wake Twila."

"Miss Twila is out cold, babe. And there's a reason her room is a couple doors down and on the other side of the hallway."

"And why's that?" she asks as I wrap my arms tightly around her and press my face between her cotton-tee-covered tits.

"Because no little girl needs to hear her parents fu—."

Laughing, she covers my mouth with her hand and pushes me off of her before reaching over and turning off the bedside lamp. "You're incorrigible, do you know that?"

Propping myself on my elbow, I grin at her. "You wouldn't want me any other way."

She sighs, snuggling against my chest. "No, I guess not."

I hum as I press my nose to her hair and inhale. "Have I said how good it feels to be home? In my own damn bed and not on a fuckin' bus with all those guys?"

"You might've mentioned it a time or ten since we got home."

"Well, it's true. I'm so damn ready for a break. I can finally take some time off and be with my girls." I kiss her neck. "Live a normal life for a while before I even think about going anywhere near the recording studio or back out on the road." My hand travels down to the bump between us. "Be around for this little one. Get to know her before I have to take off again."

"Or him."

I grin against her hair. "Or him."

"What do you want? A boy or a girl?"

"I told you I don't care."

"But—"

I roll her to her back and hover over her. "I don't care. She—or he—will be half you and half me. Ours, baby. So, no, I don't give a fuck if we need to paint the nursery pink or blue. I'm already the happiest bastard in the world. I just want the baby to be healthy." I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her knuckles. "The only thing that would make it more perfect is if you'd let me put a ring on your finger."

The same heavy sigh I hear every time I mention marriage leaves her lips. "That didn't work out so well for you last time, did it?"

"It didn't work out with Chelsea because we … it's like we fed off each other's weaknesses. And I was weak. I was in a really bad place. I married her for all the wrong reasons, and we nearly destroyed each other. I won't do that again. I know what I want, and I want you. I love you, Bella. I've loved you since I was seventeen. I spent too many years without you, and I finally have you back." I lower my voice to a whisper. "I want to keep you forever this time."

Her bottom lip disappears between her teeth.

I gently nudge her chin with my thumb until she releases her lip. "What?"

"I just don't want the baby to be the reason you ask me," she says softly into the darkened room.

"That shit again? If you think I still wouldn't be asking if the baby wasn't part of the equation, you're out of your goddamn mind, you beautiful, crazy woman." Covering her lips with mine, I don't waste any time plunging my tongue into her mouth. Instantly, she reacts, hitching her leg over my hip and grinding her warm pussy against my leg.

"That's not fair," she whines as my kisses travel down the side of her neck.

"I never said I fight fair." I slide a hand up her shirt and grab her breast, running my thumb over her hardened nipple. The feel of her soft and willing underneath me goes straight to my cock. "Lose the shirt."

My gruff demand is swallowed by the dark as she drags her shirt over her head and tosses it away. I run my hands over her pliant body, and like a magnet, my lips are drawn to her skin. Shifting sheets and heavy breathing are the only sounds disturbing the quiet of our bedroom as I pin her beneath me.

"What do you want?" I whisper as I grab ahold of the scrap of silk around her hips and tug.

"You."

I slide down her body and grin against her stomach. "Where?"

Her sexy as fuck chuckle is followed by a groaned, "God, that feels good," as I reach my destination and spread her open, drawing my tongue through her wetness before circling her clit. "Now, Edward. Fuck me now. It's been too long."

"Shut up. It's been too long since I've had my head between your legs."

"But—"

Her protests die on her lips when I swirl my tongue and add my fingers to the mix. She grabs a fistful of my hair, and her grip is so tight, I worry she'll yank it out of my fucking head. When she lifts her hips from the bed in an attempt to get closer, I double my efforts, curling my fingers on that spot.

I eat her out like a starved man until her pussy tightens and she lets out a low-pitched cry, throwing her head back.

Her breaths come fast and hard as she comes down. I kiss my way back up her body until my lips finally land on hers. "That feel good?" I murmur against her mouth.

"So good."

"You know I love you, right?" I ask, trailing my nose over the warm skin of her neck.

"Yeah."

I pull away and meet her drunk-on-ecstasy eyes. "Good, because I'm gonna fuck you like I don't."

Without warning, I push into her. Both of us groan at the contact, but that initial moment of calm reconnection fades pretty fucking quickly. Lust takes over as I start to move, and while I'm still careful with her, I'm not gentle. I wasn't lying when I said it's been too long. The last few weeks apart have left me in a constant state of want for this woman. It's that want that clouds my mind as I sink into her over and over again. This isn't the tender reunion I should probably be giving her, but my body overrides all rational thought as I pound into her.

"Oh, god," she cries as I grab her legs and lift them higher.

When that doesn't seem to be enough, I shift her calves to my shoulders and dig deeper. My chin dips and I look down. The sight of my cock, slick from being inside her, only drives me to fuck her harder. "Fuck. This isn't gonna take long, baby."

Pinned beneath me, she can't really move. All she can do is reach over her head, grab onto the headboard, and hang on. Her moans spur me on, and I reach over her to grab the top of the headboard for my own leverage. With every thrust, the sensations crawling up my spine get stronger.

She feels too fucking good, and if I don't want this to be over too soon—or before my girl gets hers—I need to switch it up.

Keeping her legs over my shoulders, I sit back on my heels, lifting her ass off the mattress as I circle her clit with my thumb. "I need you to come, baby," I say through gritted teeth, trying like hell to fight back my own orgasm.

"Yes, yes, yes," she chants to herself. Her grip on the headboard tightens, her back arches off the bed, and her eyes screw shut.

"Come on, Bella. Give it to me."

She stiffens, sucking in a gasping breath before she opens her mouth and cries out. Her pussy grips me like a vise, and it's exactly what I need. The feel of her, the sight of her lost in bliss, the smell of us … it all overwhelms my senses. And it's enough to push me over the edge. I come so fucking hard I see white behind my eyelids. The pleasure coursing through my body feels unending, but eventually, my body has no more to give. Slowly, I loosen my grasp on her and gently lower her back to the bed.

My eyes flutter open and take in the glorious sight beneath me.

With flushed cheeks and mussed hair, she's never more beautiful than in the moments after I've made her come. Still inside her, I run my hands up and down her sides, brushing a palm over her softly rounded belly. "I wasn't too rough, was I?"

She chuckles, and it's soft and raspy. "Does it look like you were too rough with me?" Her eyes finally open and meet mine. "I told you to fuck me. I'd say you delivered."

With a chuckle of my own, I pull out and collapse next to her, sweaty and spent. Pulling her into my arms, I kiss the side of her head. "I love you," I whisper.

"I love you, too, Edward. So much. I'm so glad you're home."

With half of my heart in my arms and the other half in a room down the hall, I drift into a dreamless sleep.

xXx

The smell of coffee and frying bacon rouses me from the best night of sleep I've had in months. And the distinct sound of my little girl chattering away makes me smile. Hearing Bella's gentle reply, though, makes that smile fall. Maybe it's the talk she and I had last night. Maybe it's my return home after so long on the road. But whatever it is, familiar, old feelings of guilt and regret bubble up inside me.

In an alternate world, Twila would be ours. With a change in direction all those years ago, Bella would have been the one by my side when the fame and stardom came at me so fast and furious I couldn't keep a grasp on what was important. Maybe she would have been the lifeline she had been when we were kids.

That is, until she wasn't.

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Bella's brow furrows as she watches me pull shit from my drawers and shove it into a bag.

"I mean I'm packing my shit and I'm getting the fuck out of Forks."

"What?"

I toss what's in my hands onto my bed and grab her hands. "Come with me."

Her eyes widen. "What?"

"Come with me, Bella. We'll go to Seattle. I've got a friend there who said we can stay with him until I can find work and get my own place."

She reaches up and brushes her fingers over the bruising on the side of my face that's surely purple by now. "Edward, I … I can't," she says. Her voice is not much more than a whisper, but for all the meaning in her words, it might as well have been a shout.

"Why not? We can both find jobs and lay low until we're eighteen. We can do it. Please, Bella. Please come with me. I can't … I can't stay here. And you've … you're the one who keeps telling me I can get away from my asshole father."

"But not like this."

"What do you mean 'not like this'? What am I supposed to do? Sit and wait until he beats me unconscious? Or worse?" I shake my head, pushing her away and going back to packing. "No, I'm not gonna stick around to wait and see what happens next."

"Edward, you know I can't leave my dad."

I scoff. "Your dad will be fine."

"You're asking me to run away. How is that okay? My dad would—"

"What about me?" I shout. "Did you forget all the times you've patched me up after good ol' Eddie Masen beat the shit out of me?"

"No, I—"

"All the bruises he's left."

"Edwar—"

"The times you didn't know if you should take me to the fucking hospital or—"

"Stop! No, I haven't forgotten." She grabs my shirt in her fists and gets in my face. "I'll never forget. But I can't just leave in the middle of the night and make my dad wonder what happened to me."

"Fine." I shrug her off and go back to shoving my shit into a backpack. Bitterness seeps into my bones at her rejection. "Stay. Get stuck in this shithole town. I don't give a fuck anymore."

"Edward, stop." She tries to pull the bag from my hands, but I tighten my grip. "Stop. We can talk to my dad and he can—"

I spin around and tower over her. "He can what, Bella? Go toss my old man in a cell so he gets out and comes for me again but with a reason this time? Nah, fuck that." I shake my head, turning back to my bag to zip it closed. I tug the strap over my shoulder and face her. Her eyes—a refuge for the past year from all the bullshit in my life—shine back at me. For a brief moment, I consider doing what she's asking. Staying, waiting it out a little longer, just so I can keep her in my life. But then the bruise blooming on my side throbs, reminding me of what could happen if I don't walk out that door.

I try to ignore my tightening throat and stinging eyes as I bite out, "I'm sorry, but I can't sit around and wait to see what he'll do next."

The day I walked out that door and left Bella behind was the hardest day of my life up to that point. If I knew that day what laid ahead of me, I never would have left.

But I've learned to live with all those regrets.

Throwing off the covers, I crawl out of bed and hit the shower before joining my girls in the kitchen.

"There's Mr. Sleepyhead," Bella says.

Twila looks up from stirring pancake batter and scrambles off her step stool. "Daddy! You're up! Me and Honey Bee are making you beckfast. Sit," she orders, struggling with all her four-year-old might to push me toward a kitchen barstool. "I'm makin' pancakes."

"You are?" I ask with a smirk as she climbs up onto her stool beside Bella.

With a sharp nod, Twila replies, "Yes. Then I'm goin' to Mommy's house."

The mention of Chelsea is like a sudden black cloud over an otherwise perfect morning.

Bella, sensing my instant mood shift, is at my side with a steaming cup of coffee. "It was the only way I could get Chelsea to agree to switch days so Twi could stay with us last night," she says softly. "I knew you'd want to see her, so I agreed. I hope you're not mad."

Wrapping an arm around her waist I tug her closer. "No, I'm not mad. I just …"

Bella kisses the underside of my jaw. "I know. Me, too."

"Honey Bee," Twila singsongs.

Bella pulls away from me and heads back to where my daughter is stirring the life out of the batter. "Yes, Twila girl?"

"It's ready. Can I pour it in the pan?"

"Sure thing. Let me just grab the scoop for you." She kisses the top of Twila's head before spinning away to get whichever kitchen tool she's bought for Bug so she can help in the kitchen.

Seeing the two of them together makes that bubble of regret rise up once again. I'd give anything if Twila was ours. But I can't go back.

The only thing I can do is look ahead.

xXx

Bella looks up from helping Twila put on her sandals. "She ate about an hour ago."

"Yeah, okay." Chelsea fidgets as she waits by the door.

"Hey," I say, gaining my ex-wife's attention. "Thanks for switching your days so she could stay with us last night. It was nice to have her here on my first night back."

"Sure." Her gaze drops to her shoes, wiping her nose. "It was fine."

"So, we'll pick her up on Friday night?" Bella asks as she stands. It doesn't escape my notice that Twila is clinging to Bella's leg when her mother is a mere few feet away.

"I was thinking I might bring her back early. Maybe tomorrow. It's just that I had something come up, and …"

I bite back what I really want to say. It wouldn't be good to go off on her with our daughter watching. "Yeah," I finally reply cautiously, "she can come home tomorrow." I glance at my girlfriend. "Right, Bella?"

"Of course." She looks down at Twila with a huge smile on her face and brushes our girl's blonde curls from her face. "You can come back whenever, sweetheart. You have fun with your mom, okay?"

"Okay." She jumps up as Bella leans down and throws her tiny arms around Bella's neck. "Love you, Honey Bee. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too."

After Twila's sufficiently squeezed Bella, she releases her and shoots toward me. "Love you, Daddy."

I bury my nose in her hair. "I love you, too, Bug. And you call me or Honey Bee if you need us, okay?"

"I will." With a kiss to my cheek, she lets me go and goes to her mother, taking her hand. "I'm ready, Mommy."

Watching them pull out of the driveway, like every time Twila leaves with her mother, anxiety twists my gut.

"You okay?" Bella asks as she lays a hand on my back.

"I'm not sure." I turn at look into her worried eyes. "Did you make sure her phone was in her bag?" I hate that I have to worry about my baby girl having a way to contact me. But with a recovering addict for a mother, one who can't seem to stay clean for more than six months at a time, and a court order that states she gets visitation, it's a necessity.

"Always." She reaches for my hand and laces her fingers with mine, tugging me away from the door. "Come on. Let's watch a movie or something. She'll call us if she needs us."

I finally close the door and hope my phone never rings.

xXx

"So, my appointment is Monday," Bella says, absentmindedly running her fingers through my hair. "If you still want to come, that is."

"Yeah, it's in my calendar." I look up from where my head lies in her lap. "And why wouldn't I want to come?"

With her eyes still on the TV, she shrugs. "I didn't know if you had something else going on."

I flip completely over onto my back, my head still resting on her lap. "Bella." She finally looks down at me. "I want to be there."

She nods, looking back to the television. "They'll probably do an ultrasound. And, uh, they might be able to tell us the gender … if you want to know."

"Do you?"

She shrugs, meeting my gaze again. "I'm not sure. Did you know with Twila?"

"I didn't, but it's not because I didn't want to know. Chelsea wanted to pretend it wasn't happening, so she didn't find out. I didn't get a choice."

"I'm sorry she took that from you," she says softly.

"It is what it is."

"Do you want to know this time?"

It's my turn to shrug. "Only if you do."

She huffs, crossing her arms. It's adorable.

Chuckling, I roll onto my side and wrap my arms around her waist. "What?"

"Can't you just tell me what you want so I don't have to be the one to make this decision for us?"

"Babe, you're getting way too wound up about it. Yeah, I'd like to know, but if you want to wait, we can." I shrug and press a kiss to the bump between us. "I'm cool either way."

"So, you really don't care?"

I shake my head. "No. If they tell me everything's where it should be and the way it should be, I'm good with whatever you decide."

xXx

"They should be back by now." My knee bounces and I can't keep my eyes off the damn clock.

"It's only a little after eight," Bella says, sliding onto my lap and trying to keep me from freaking the fuck out.

I narrow my eyes at her. "Twi's bedtime is eight. Chelsea knows this."

"Have you tried to call her?"

"Only half a dozen times."

She kisses my jaw in a vain attempt to calm the anger boiling under my skin. "If they don't show in the next thirty minutes, we'll—"

The ringing of the doorbell interrupts whatever it is she was going to say. Thankfully, she hops off my lap. Otherwise, I worry I might have dumped her onto the sofa in my race to get to the foyer.

I grab hold of the knob and wrench open the door, fully prepared to give Chelsea an earful. "Where the hell—" But my rant is cut off by the beet-red, tearful face of my little girl.

"I'm sorry we're late, but she wouldn't cooperate," Chelsea says, walking past me, holding Twila.

I grit my teeth and swallow down my anger. The last thing Twila needs to see—especially in her current state—is me chewing out her mother. With a deep breath, I take a step closer to the she-demon and open my arms for my baby girl. "Come here, Bug."

"Daddy," she sobs.

"Shh." I run a hand over her head and down her back while she clings to me. "What's wrong, Bug?"

"Mo—Mommy 'p—'panked me," she says through stuttered breaths.

My gaze snaps to hers. "What the hell, Chels?"

Chelsea huffs and rolls her eyes. "I don't understand what the big deal is. We were out to eat, and she wouldn't behave. I bopped her on the butt, and she lost her shit. She's been crying for the last hour. I almost couldn't get her in the car."

"I've told you," I growl, "I don't want anyone laying a hand on her."

She crosses her arms, defiant as usual. "I tried all that time-out crap you want me to do, and it didn't work. What was I supposed to do?"

"You're supposed to talk to her, not hit her, for Christ's sake," I bark.

She opens her mouth to speak, but I turn and walk away. "I can't do this right now, Chelsea," I say as I reach the staircase. "I'll call you tomorrow. It might be time to talk to the lawyers again if two days a week are too much for you to handle."

As I reach the top of the stairs, I can hear Bella giving Chelsea an earful. The thought makes me grin. But at the sound of my bug sniffling, any amusement I feel fades away.

"How about we get you dressed for bed?" I ask, tilting my head back to look into her sad eyes. I brush her tangle of curls from her face. "How does that sound?"

"I want a cookie."

I chuckle and kiss her forehead. "You know the rules, Bug. It's too close to bedtime."

"But Honey Bee would give me a cookie."

"No, she wouldn't. I know you had a bad time with Mommy, but it's still too close to bedtime."

She huffs and pouts and presses her forehead to mine. "Can I have my song?" she asks quietly.

Like I could deny her.

"Now, that I can do. You can always have your song. Let's get ready for bed and I'll sing for you, okay?"

With a nod of agreement, she scrambles out of my arms and runs toward the bathroom. I follow, making sure she takes care of business, brushes her hair and teeth, and changes into her latest obsession, her princess-themed pajamas. When we return to her room, my old acoustic is propped against the wall beside her bed.

Bella. It's like she always knows what Twila and I both need.

"Okay, Bug. Into bed and I'll sing your song."

She scrambles under her covers and tucks her tiny hands under her head. "Okay, I'm ready."

I strum the strings and pluck out the first notes of "Twila's song." The song I've played for her sine she was first born—Dylan's "Forever Young."

With the sound of those first notes, Twila's eyes fall closed.

"May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you

"May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay
Forever young

"Forever young
Forever young
May you stay
Forever young

"May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
And may you stay
Forever young."

Most nights she doesn't make it past the second chorus. Some nights she sings along. On rare occasions she crawls into my lap and tries to play a few notes on her own. And tonight, as I watch her sleep, her chest rising and falling while she's curled up in her obnoxious pink comforter, I'm reminded that each and every one of those nights is a blessing. She's here. She's safe. I'll do anything to keep it that way.

xXx

I hold onto Bella's hand as the ultrasound tech presses the wand against her bump and clicks a few buttons. After all the important things are measured and recorded, it's time to see if the baby will give up the goods.

The tech must find what she's looking for, because she turns to us and asks, "Are we finding out the sex today?"

Bella looks up at me. "Are we?"

"I told you, babe, it's your call."

She turns back to the tech. "Can you maybe write it down and—"

"Say no more. I do that all the time for patients."

With a few taps on her keyboard and a click of her mouse, she prints off a single image and slips it into an envelope, handing it to Bella with a smile on her face. "Congratulations."

xXx

After Bella's appointment, we pick up Twila from Esme and Carlisle's place along with some lunch and head for Luther Burbank park. It's still early, but the sunny summer day means it's a little crowded for a Monday. Tucked away in a small alcove of trees, we're away from any prying eyes as we eat. The last thing I want on a day with my family is to be recognized.

"Are you gonna eat that, Honey Bee?" Twila asks in her sweetest voice.

"No, Bug. But you aren't either," she says, handing me the rest of her cupcake.

"But—"

"Sorry, kiddo, but you've had enough sugar for one day." With a careful hand, Bella wipes the frosting from Twila's face and hands.

It's a simple thing, really. But as I watch the two of them together, physically different but so much alike in so many ways, it makes me ache.

Bella came back into my life just after Twila turned two. She accepted my sordid past and all my baggage without question. I'd never describe my baby girl as baggage, but starting a relationship with a two-year-old in the picture is no easy thing. They seemed to bond the moment they met, and they've been inseparable ever since. I can't wait for Bella to have that with a child of her own.

But if you asked her, she'd tell you Twila belongs to her as much as she belongs to Twila. After all, she is Twila's Honey Bee.

As Bella settles between my spread legs and leans back against me, our bug takes off toward a couple of other little people playing in the open area twenty or so feet away. Bella's face lights up in a smile as she watches them.

"I love you," I say out of the blue, kissing her neck.

She leans back and looks up, turning her beaming smile on me. "I love you, too."

"When are we going to tell her about this one?" I ask, lowering my hand to cradle her belly.

She looks back toward the field, placing her palm over my knuckles and sighing. "I don't know. I think maybe we wait a little while. Give her a little more time as our only bug." She pauses, looking up at me again, but this time with trepidation in her eyes. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, baby, that's more than okay."

I kiss her shoulder, lingering over the script tattooed there and down her shoulder blade.

We've no idea what we've got until we lose it

And no amount of love will keep it around

If we don't choose it

Lyrics penned what feels like a lifetime ago and inked on her body years before we found one another again. Every time I look at them, I'm reminded that everything we do is a choice.

I chose to clean my ass up and turn my life around when Twila was born. I chose to divorce her mother so that Twila could have a safe and stable home to grow up in. I chose to take a chance at love again with the only woman to truly own my heart.

And one day soon I'm going to choose to go after the forever we deserve.