I got a story idea cw5323 to do a song fic to "Soon You'll Get Better" by Taylor Swift, in which Elphaba is sick and we get Fiyero's point of view. This will have two chapters. I hope I did it some justice.
Trigger warning: this will deal with some heavy topics, cancer being the most prevalent one; if it's too much, I understand, take care of you first :)
P.S. I did my research though there were some reputable sites that said different things. I went with "majority rules". I'm also extremely fortunate to have never been nor have anyone close to me diagnosed with something so serious, I don't know much about battling cancer first hand, so if there's anything that I missed/wasn't accurate, let me know.
In doctor's-office-lighting, I didn't tell you I was scared
Adenocarcinoma.
Fiyero's never heard that word before, but it makes his stomach drop when the doctor says it nonetheless.
"So what exactly is it?" Elphaba asks, rubbing her green arms up and down. The hospital gown is thin and the room is chilly, or maybe it just feels that way because of…that. Fiyero hugs her from behind.
"It's a type of cervical cancer. This one specifically begins in gland cells that line the cervical canal…" the doctor puts up ultrasound pictures on a bright screen and Fiyero doesn't hear much more after that. Cancer.
He swallows as he sees blue and red blots light up all over the pictures, highlighting a tumor and how much it's already spread. They'd known something was wrong, the small clinic in their rural town wouldn't have told her to come to this big city hospital otherwise, but he never imagined anything like this. Nothing that was actually destroying her from the inside. His hold on Elphaba tightens as he stares bullets at the photos. He vaguely feels her place a hand on his arm.
"Unfortunately, it's affected more than just your cervix, ma'am. See this right here? This is your pelvic wall and this is one of your ureters, the tube that connects your kidneys," and they're lit up as well.
Fiyero wants to vomit.
"Now you've told us you've never contracted HPV, you don't smoke, and you're young and a fairly healthy woman. It's most likely that this was caused by a DNA mutation."
What the hell does that mean?
"So, just by chance?" Elphaba asks.
"Yes," the doctor nods solemnly. "I unfortunately can't offer any other explanation for why this could've happened."
"What exactly does DNA mutation mean?" Fiyero finally speaks up.
"Well," the doctor brings up a clip board and draws a ladder with A's connecting to T's, and G's connecting to C's. "I'll try to keep it as simple as possible. See, all cells have DNA, and DNA strands have very strict sequences. A's always go with T's and G's always go with C's. When DNA multiplies normally, it wants to, and almost always, replicates the exact same sequences. However, in rare cases, there will be a mutation," he draws another ladder, this time with one A connected to a C. "A mutation can mean many different things, but in simplest terms, there's a change in the sequence. This will cause all sorts of problems such as cells dividing too quickly with the incorrect DNA which leads to cancer."
Seriously? That's it? That's all it took, just one - just one - tiny little mutation in the DNA and now… this wasn't fair.
Elphaba holds one of Fiyero's hands and takes a deep breath. "Is it curable?"
The doctor purses his lips. "There's no - "
"What do you mean 'no'?" Fiyero's voice shakes. That can't be true, there has to be a way to help her get through this.
The doctor puts a hand up. "Let me rephrase that. While treatment can help stop the tumor from growing and spreading, and it may even shrink it, there's no way to know it will completely go away or never grow again; it's unpredictable, but we can try and manage it as much as we can. Ma'am, since the tumor has spread through the pelvic wall and ureter, you're at stage 3B. The good news is there are some very good odds, but we need to get you started on treatment right away. That is if you want to."
Fiyero looks at Elphaba who's playing with her fingers. Of course, it all up to her, but Oz, he hopes she says yes.
"What are the options?" she asks.
"Here," he holds out a pamphlet for Elphaba and Fiyero wants to tear it to shreds solely for the fact that there's so many bright colors on it. "These are many options you could choose from. There are details here about the way the treatment works, what it does, along with risks and side effects, and I can also answer any questions you may have and even give some recommendations if you would like. But the decision is yours."
She nods. Six seconds pass. "Can I have a moment to talk to my husband?"
"Of course, I'll be right around the corner if you need me," the doctor steps out and the door closes, leaving Elphaba and Fiyero alone.
He moves from behind her and sits down in front of her. She doesn't seem scared, or angry, not even sad. She looks so tired, and that actually terrifies Fiyero. He goes cold all over.
"What a day this has turned out to be, huh?" Elphaba lets out a weak chuckle and turns the pamphlet over on her lap.
He doesn't say anything, instead he cups her face and leaves a lingering kiss on her temple, squeezing his eyes shut. Suddenly nothing feels the same anymore. How are they supposed to just go home now?
"Darling," he whispers into her hair. "Do you want to try a treatment?"
"Of course I do, Yero."
Fiyero sags into her in relief.
"Thank Oz we can afford it," she jokes.
Even if they couldn't, he would've gotten the money somehow, there's little to nothing he wouldn't do for Elphaba. "How are you?"
She sighs. "I don't know…it's a lot. Ask me again tomorrow, I don't think it's even sunk in yet."
He envies that. He feels heavier than he did when they first arrived. His heart is beating out of his chest and his mouth is so dry. He almost can't believe this is happening, but it is.
"How - " whatever Elphaba was about to say gets cut off by a knock at the door.
"Sorry for interrupting ma'am, but I just have a couple questions to ask you. Your husband can stay in the room if he'd like to."
He wasn't going anywhere. Elphaba takes one glance at Fiyero then turns back to the nurse. "Sure."
The rest of the visit is a blur. There's a lot of questions. They settle on a treatment and Fiyero learns a lot of terms.
They choose neoadjuvant therapy, which is a fancy way of saying they'll do some treatment in hope of the tumor shrinking before they try surgery to remove it. Said treatment will be a combination of radiation therapy with low doses of chemotherapy. Hopefully it somehow kills all cells with the wrong genetic code.
They make the appointments, they get instructions on what to do at home, and Fiyero writes everything down. Thank goodness he did because right now, he can't remember a thing that was said.
There's just 30 minutes of road ahead. Maybe he shouldn't be driving, he almost runs the red light from constantly checking on Elphaba and thinking too much about the upcoming weeks. Elphaba grabs his hand tightly and rubs her thumb over the back of it.
That was the first time we were there
Holy orange bottles, each night I pray to you
Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too
Many things change drastically.
Radiation therapy is five times a week and instead of having the chemo drugs through an IV at the hospital, Elphaba opted for the pills, which are just as strong.
The external beam radiation therapy is early in the morning, so for the first couple of days, Fiyero would drive them up to the hospital, Elphaba would lay down on that awful stiff bed in a dim room and let the lights do their thing. Then they'd drive back, Elphaba would take her pill as soon as they got in the car, and Fiyero dropped her off at work before driving to work himself.
The side effects hit her very fast and pretty hard.
Elphaba got nauseous and threw up a lot. Her skin started to get really dry. She's tired for the most part of the day, she has trouble sleeping and her hair is thinning. Some of it has also begun falling out.
That was a pretty awful day, when she decided to just cut it off. Elphaba didn't look in the mirror and cried like a baby - her words - the entire time. It was hard for Fiyero to cut it off as well, but she didn't want anyone else to do it. She wanted it over with. It was a drastic change. Her hair had been long her entire life and now it was to her chin. Fiyero hugged her for a long time after it was all done.
Surprisingly, Elphaba got used to it after a couple days.
"Do you realize how little shampoo I use now? And it takes me only two minutes - if that! - to untangle it in the morning. I will say it makes my neck itch, but nothing a turtleneck won't fix!"
She likes to put beanies on when she goes out. It covers the small patches on her scalp where some of her hair has fallen out. Small strands of her hair will stick out from underneath it. Sometimes she'll paint her eyebrows too since they have also been falling out (she's been losing a lot of body hair, actually). But she doesn't go out much anymore. Her body just hurts too much.
So Elphaba suddenly up and moved her classes to asynchronous. It had sucked to leave her students; these were the kids taking summer classes, seventh graders who needed extra help to catch up in their English Language Arts, and Elphaba was the best one to do it. She's the Advanced Reading and Language teacher to eighth graders. She's patient, has a way of explaining things to the point where it seems like the easiest, most simplest thing in the world, and she loves working one on one with them. She still does, but through email. It's definitely not the same, but she also didn't want to just leave her students halfway through the course, and they had gotten used to her.
Now instead of dropping her off at the private school after going to the hospital, Fiyero drove her back to the house, and he would go to work. The deadline of the book he was currently editing was fastly approaching, so he was busy during his entire shift. In a way it was nice to have something to take his mind off the whole thing for a bit. It wouldn't make him forget, Oz he was never going to forget, but during work it just wouldn't be on the forefront of his mind.
All in a span of just four weeks (two more to go for radiation therapy). Time passes differently now though. For Fiyero it felt like months.
Another thing that's changed is that their lunch breaks together are virtual now. With Fiyero needing to work extra hard, he needs to work during lunch. Normally, either Elphaba would come to him or he'd go to her, the school is only a five minute walk away from his building, but with her at the house, 15 minutes away, and him not having enough time to go home and eat with her, as much as he would like to, they video chat while eating and working.
"They are breezing through this assignment much quicker than I thought they would," Elphaba takes a sip of cold water through that blue straw she likes so much. It helps soothe the pain of the ulcers in her mouth. "13 of them turned in a first draft early to get some feedback before the actual deadline," she types away on her computer and Fiyero smiles. She loves her job and her kids.
"Are you seeing the improvement?" Fiyero asks.
"I am. They're really learning how to explain the thesis and back it up properly," he hears a ding. "Oh! And someone else just turned theirs in, too"
"I wish authors were that quick. I should be working on two books right now instead of one."
"Which one are you missing?"
"The final installment of that romance series, the one with the football player and the popstar."
"I thought that one wasn't coming out for a while, like, 2 years."
"It wasn't, but with a high demand and not wanting to let the attention die down, the author promised to have it on the shelves by next year. Which also means I should've received a fairly finished first draft about a month ago," Fiyero takes a bite out of his pasta then resumes to leaving the comment he'd been making.
"Well, maybe it'll need less editing than you think by the time you get it."
"One can hope. I mean, I get paid either way."
Elphaba shoots him a smile then the typing stops. A hand goes to her mouth.
Fiyero's stomach drops. "Fae?"
In a split second she's out of frame, something breaks, and the call disconnects.
No. Sweet Oz no.
Fiyero stands up from his desk and dials her number. He lets it ring twice before he hangs up and tries again. It's not long before he's hyperventilating. "Damn it Elphaba!" he tries reaching her once more time before he's had enough, he won't just stand around. "Boq! I'm leaving!" he yells out as he grabs his keys. He's nearly out the door of his office, about to call emergency services before his phone starts ringing. It's Elphaba.
"Hey," she croaks on the other side of the line.
Oh thank Oz. "Hon?"
"Sorry if I worried you. I…I tried to book it to the bathroom…I-I'm sorry, I threw up all over the carpet. I'll clean it up."
He could care less about a damned carpet. "I don't care about that. Don't start cleaning anything. Are you ok? Do you need me to come home?" He makes eye contact with his secretary, Boq, and after they give each other a quick nod, Fiyero locks his door.
"Um…" she thinks about it for a few seconds. Fiyero's already walking out to the car with his stuff. Eventually, she sighs. "Yes, please come," she sniffles.
"I'm coming, Fae. Just sit down and drink some water, small spoonfuls ok?"
He hears a nasty, wet cough. "I don't think I can walk to the kitchen right now."
"Ok. I'm in the car, stay on the phone with me?"
She must've just nodded, forgetting he couldn't see her. "Yeah," she says after a couple seconds.
Fiyero takes a deep breath and feels his eyes sting as he lets the damn car warm up. It feels like the longest drive of his life.
He doesn't hang up the phone until he steps through the door and sees Elphaba in the living room. He kisses her even though she tries to protest about her bad breath. But he doesn't care. She's ok.
She's alright.
She's a little pale and drowsy. But she's alright.
He kisses every inch of her skin that he can reach.
"Galinda's still good for dinner tonight," Elphaba says. She turns off her phone then puts her glasses back on to keep grading tests.
Fiyero stirs the gnocchi soup on the pot. It's not much since Elphaba's going out to eat later tonight with her best friend, but she threw up everything she ate earlier today. "What time is she picking you up again?"
"At nine, still got a good three hours."
"By the way do you need more moisturizer?"
"I don't think so. The red hasn't spread for a few days so I think I'll be alright for a few more days," she says. Sore red spots had shown up near her genitals and lower stomach since that's where the radiation beams were aimed at. And they were uncomfortable as hell. But they should disappear in ten days or so.
This week was her final week of radiation therapy. They will go in first thing Monday to get new ultrasounds.
"Mmm! By the way, Doctor Dillamond had to cancel my session tomorrow so we'll have it Sunday instead. Same time."
"How come?"
"Family emergency. He has to travel."
Elphaba started going to counseling a few weeks ago and since then, she's been doing better, emotionally. There's been so many nights when Fiyero's held her as she cried herself to sleep, the scarier times were when she would go practically catatonic for minutes on end, and he didn't know what was wrong or how he could help. But talking about it to someone besides him, someone who was actually useful and could actually help her, was paying off.
Doctor Dillamond had actually suggested he and Fiyero have sessions together as well, but he turned it down. He had so much work to do and besides, he was ok.
Fiyero turns the pot off. "Food's ready."
"Yay," Elphaba says, closes her laptop, and takes off her glasses. No more work for today. She stands up slowly, she's very sensitive down there, and walks over to Fiyero.
She hugs his waist as he ladles the gnocchi into two bowls. She plants a kiss on his shoulder. "Yero, how are you doing?" she whispers.
"Hmm? Oh, I'm fine. It was just a hectic day at the office today," he turns around and places a kiss on her head.
He doesn't see her frown. "Ok," she accepts.
They eat on the couch, watching the new episode of that baking competition show she likes so much. Both of them flinch when one of the contestants gets a particularly nasty burn, they try to hide their laugh when someone slips, then compete with each other on who they think will win this challenge, and who they think will go home.
"I personally think it's down to which cake is uglier," Fiyero says.
Elphaba bursts out a laugh. "What makes you say that?"
"Well think about it, the two bottom cakes tasted horrible, completely forgot that they needed a fruit component somewhere in there, the way I see it, it's down to the presentation."
"Fair."
"Which would you pick?"
"Hmm," Elphaba takes the last spoonful of her bowl, it took about two hours, but she finally finishes her serving. "Probably the one with the cinnamon spiral; it looked like something I threw up."
Fiyero laughs into his hands. Oh he loves her. "Ok. I actually think the rainbow will lose."
"No way, at least you could tell what it was. Well, sorta. The cinnamon one was supposed to be a butterfly."
"Which is more complex. How do you mess up half a circle?"
"But you could kind of see it."
"You need your glasses."
Elphaba smacks him with the small cushion on her lap. "Oh! They've made their decision."
And Fiyero was right. "I told you," he teases.
"Fine," she rolls her eyes playfully. "I still don't think it was that ugly of a cake though."
"Think you could do worse?"
Elphaba sits up straight, recognizing his challenging tone. "I'm listening."
"Tomorrow, you and I, each bake a small cake, decorate it with the ugliest rainbow, and see whose is worse.
"You're on. Galinda can vote, I'll send her pictures. Speaking of, I need to get ready!"
Fiyero's in the middle of helping Elphaba pin her beanie on her head when the doorbell rings. He quickly finishes up. "I got it. You do you," he kisses her cheek and she continues to pin her skirt, her clothes have gotten a bit loose.
"Thank you!" she calls out as he walks away.
Galinda opens her arms up when he opens the door. "Fifi!"
"Bubbles," they both laugh and hug each other.
"Aw! Now that Elphie's working from home and you don't join her for lunch every couple of days, I've seen less of you. I've missed you."
"I've missed you too," the women still video chat a couple times a week, and he would occasionally have the chance to say a quick hello, but he hasn't gotten the chance to actually catch up with Galinda in a long time." Come in, Elphaba's almost ready," he steps aside to let her enter, then closes the door. "How has the school year been so far?"
Galinda was also a teacher at the private school. She and Elphaba had met because they both taught advanced classes and their classrooms were right next to each other. Galinda taught Advanced Algebra. They had been the new teachers three years ago and were able to confide in each other.
"So far so good. I will say this is a competitive bunch, which is actually great!"
"How come?"
"Well, I wanted to find a way to have more volunteers to go up and solve problems on the board when we do reviews. So I put them in teams, they work on a couple problems together first then I ask for volunteers. Just for trying, their team gets a point, if they get the correct answer, their team gets two points. The team with the most points gets a prize at the end of the year. At least that's what they think. All of them are getting the prize, but this just motivates them a bit more and they actually have some fun."
Fiyero chuckles. "You are too good, Galinda."
"Thank you! How's work been for you? Last thing Elphie told me was that you were still waiting on a book?"
"Not anymore actually, I finally got the first draft. I need to work a little faster to get back on schedule, but I don't think it'll be a problem."
"I'm glad," her smile disappears a bit and just as she's about to say something else, Fiyero realizes Elphaba's still not out yet.
"Sorry Galinda, let me see if Elphaba's ready."
"Oh ok," she nods, but he can see a bit of anxiety in her eyes.
When he goes into their bedroom, the bathroom door is closed. He knocks. "Fae?"
He thinks she says 'One second', but it sounds like she has something in her mouth. "Don't freak out, ok?"
What? "Elphaba?" he holds the urge to push open the door.
She opens the door and she's in a different outfit. He doesn't understand why she told him not to freak out, but then he spots the clothes she'd had on before folded on the sink. He knows those stains all too well.
"Elphaba."
"I know, I know. But I feel fine, I swear. I - It's probably just my period."
"Are…"
She rubs her hands up and down his arms in an attempt to soothe him. "Yes. My pelvis doesn't hurt, nothing else hurts, I don't feel tired, and I know it looks bad but that's actually a decent amount, way less than before. That's why I think it's just my period."
They don't say anything for a moment, just look into each other's eyes, and Fiyero unconsciously grips her waist a bit tighter.
"Do you want me to stay? I understand if you do. And I will," she promises.
He thinks about it, he really does. But…she's been looking forward to this for weeks now. "No, go out and have fun just…keep your phone close? Please?"
She nods and he kisses her forehead multiple times before they walk over to Galinda in the living room, throwing the dirty clothes in the hamper while they're at it.
Galinda squeaks once she sees Elphaba. "Ah! There's my pea!" She walks over to Elphaba and gives her a tight yet gentle hug.
"Hello, my sweet."
"Feeling ok? Ready to go?" Her words are simple, but everyone can hear the heaviness behind them.
"Yeah, definitely."
Galinda grabs her hand. "Let's go then! I'll have her back by midnight!"
They bicker all the way to the car and Fiyero smiles at them from the doorway. He watches Elphaba slip into Galinda's car and put on her seatbelt. They laugh at something and he hears Elphaba's voice so clearly. He loves that sound.
Despite everything, even this scare just now, she's still herself, Fiyero realizes. She still hates zucchini, she takes forever picking out what candy she wants when she wants something to munch on, she watches a tv show on a really low volume while she's working. She's as optimistic and sarcastic as ever. She's just sick, is all. And she's so much stronger than he is. She's a fighter.
She'll get better.
She will.
The car turns on and as Galinda pulls out, Elphaba blows him a kiss and waves. He waves back.
Fiyero's learned to calm his anxiety a bit better, but that doesn't mean he's never scared. Anything could happen, but if it did, Elphaba would call. She always does. Even if it's something as simple as her head hurting. He doesn't know if it secretly annoys her to keep him on the loop on how she feels each day, but he's so immensely grateful that she does.
And sometimes he does go white and fears the worst when his phone rings. What if one of these days she can barely talk into the phone because she's in so much pain? What if one of these days it's not her voice he hears, but someone else making the call for her?
Fiyero grabs his computer quickly before he spirals. He opens up the first draft of the book he's editing, and puts his ringtone on full volume.
About an hour later, his phone lights up with a message. It's a picture of Elphaba and Galinda. Galinda's holding the phone and has an arm around Elphaba's neck. They're both smiling and he can tell they're at that small 50's dinner in the nearby city based on the walls. Underneath it there's a message.
All's well. I love you.
I love you too, have fun, he sends.
He breathes a little lighter.
Monday will go well. Everything will be alright.
It will.
