Chapter Twenty Six
September, 2002
Rokeby, Tasmania
Sweat poured down Rachael's forehead from the exertion of her fists pounding rapidly into the speedball. The steady rhythm allowed her to exercise control of her mind, which was plagued with troubling thoughts. A phone call from Monica had left her shaken and worried. Her one concern about joining the Tasmanian Police Service and going through the academy at the same time as her best friend was coming to fruition. Melissa was spiralling out of control without the two people she leaned on most. Monica's concern was palpable in the midst of the weekly update and Rachael felt it in the very core of her being. How could she not? She had been looking out for Melissa from the moment she was brought into their house as a young child.
For more than a decade, even as a child of eight years old herself, Rachael had taken Melissa under her wing and protected her from the worst of the world and when she felt like she couldn't do it all herself anymore, she'd entrusted her best friend, Gabby, to help and it was obvious it had been a good idea. Too good of an idea. Melissa was apparently now withdrawn and sullen, locking herself away in her room for hours on end listening to angry music. Her parents aren't overly concerned, at least not according to Monica, but then why would they be? They only truly bore witness to a child that grew into a young woman from the outside. They provided all the rudimentary basics required of family, but they weren't in the trenches every night. They don't know how truly dark it can get in Melissa's head. They don't understand at all. But she does. Monica does. Gabby does.
An unholy noise, an explosive combination of a half wail, half roar, escaped her lips as she threw one final extra forceful punch into the speed ball. She yearned to return home immediately. It didn't make sense. She was so close to graduation. Monica could hold it down, as difficult as the situation may seem right now, it wasn't dire. It wouldn't be, because Monica was at home. Monica was there. She could be the surrogate for Melissa to cling to. Still, Melissa plagued her thoughts. Still, she yearned to return home and comfort her. It was confusing.
Rachael walked over to the bench by the weights and sat down. She went to work on removing the strapping from her hands, all the while her mind whirled through everything weighing her down. There was so much going on around her, between the lingering stares from the beta males annoyed that she dare report one of their own for sexual assault and the repeated questions from detectives investigating the disappearance of the man who had sexually assaulted her.
She hadn't particularly given a shit when she heard he was missing. He'd supposedly taken an emergency leave of absence for a week, but he had never returned and alarm bells had been raised. Naturally she was the number one suspect, despite having absolutely zero to do with his disappearance. Just typical the way the system worked. First it refused to validate her claims, but then it turned around and used those claims against her as a motive for making her attacker disappear. It was mildly infuriating, but she shrugged it off because they didn't have any evidence supporting their line of enquiry, just a wishful motive. It was tiresome repeatedly going through her movements the days of interest, but her story didn't change and she felt like the detectives were finally moving onto other avenues of investigation. Liam O'Connell was one man she wouldn't miss.
A shadow loomed over her, causing Rachael to lift her eyes. Immediately she stood to her full height and stared at one of the more burly recruits of the class, Doug Walton. His scowl was impressive and his eyes stared accusingly at her. "What do you want, Walton?"
"For you to get what's comin' to ya," he hissed, his annoyance beyond clear in his tone.
Doug had been full of blustery bravado since the investigation had started, but he knew as well as she did that Liam's advances had been non consensual. He was clearly deep in denial or an absolute neanderthal. She didn't really care which it was, she was over his bullshit. "Just try it," she growled back, more than willing to fight if she needed to.
He took one step forward, but that was as far as he got because Gabby came barreling through. Gabby shoved him back out of the way before squaring up with him and lifting her jaw defiantly. "Back the fuck up you putrid piece of shit."
Rachael immediately grabbed her best friend by the shoulder and pulled her back. Gabby had been in too many minor scuffles since that night and was very close to being kicked out. "Relax, Gabs. Walton was just leaving."
"You'll get yours, Taylor. In good, damned, time." Doug spat before waving the women off dismissively and turning tail to retreat.
Once he was out of earshot Rachael swung on Gabby and shoved her in the shoulder forcefully. "What the Hell was that, Gabs? You're on probation."
"Someone's gotta stand up for you," Gabby growled, clearly still worked up from what she had interrupted.
"What was he really going to do? He's all bluster and you know it. They're all full of hot air. Ain't a single one of 'em have the balls to step to me despite saying shit behind my back."
"Pricks, the lot of 'em."
Rachael most certainly didn't disagree. The majority of this year's class appeared to be filled with arrogant wankers and gossip mongers. There were a handful of folks that didn't buy into the rumours and the drama, but they weren't likely to say anything publicly either. You simply had to go along to get along in a place like this. Something her best friend was terrible at doing. "Come on, let's go back to our room."
Gabby huffed out some air but acquiesced to the request, falling in beside Rachael as she collected her gym bag and led them out of the academy gym, across the spacious grounds peppered with eucalyptus trees and back inside the student housing block. Once they were safely inside the dorm room Gabby's rough exterior softened exponentially. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, really. Just need a shower more than anything."
It never ceased to amaze Rachael how quickly Gabby's tone would change the moment they were alone. It was as if she were switched on ready to fight every second she was around anybody else, but when it was just them she was the friend she remembered. It was hard to fathom, but her own sexual assault may have had a bigger impact on Gabby than it had on her. Gabby simply nodded before jumping onto her bed and reaching over to grab a book from the bedside table.
Rachael stared at her in wonderment before disappearing into the small bathroom and closing the door behind her. She turned the taps on and adjusted the temperature until it was just right. She slipped out of her workout clothes and stepped into the shower, immediately relaxing the moment the hot water hit her tired, aching muscles. She stood under the spray rolling her neck side to side to work out the kinks before lathering up a washcloth with soap and washing away the leftover residue from the day. It felt good to freshen up. It felt good to just listen to the water as it pounded against her body while she thoroughly lathered up her hair with a two in one shampoo and conditioner.
By the time she stepped out of the shower and started to dry herself off with a towel her mind was back on her troubles. There was her concern for Melissa and then there was Alec. He had been an absolute gentleman and she cared greatly for him, but she found herself holding back and she didn't know why. She truly thought they would be great together, but the longer their clandestine relationship went on, the more it wore her down. Her excuses were getting tired and Gabby was starting to suspect something was up and he was adamant their relationship remain secret until after graduation, but that was ten weeks away and she was exhausted. Something had to give.
"How are things back home?" Gabby asked Rachael when she popped out of the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around her body to dig through the built-in wardrobe for fresh clothes.
"Same old, same old with Mum and Dad. Monica is still all gooey eyed over Brad."
It was glaringly obvious that she had skipped the update that mattered the most, which caused Gabby to place a bookmark and put her book down. Her eyes followed Rachael as she retreated back towards the bathroom to change into the clothes she had in her arm. "And Missy? How's she doing?"
"Apparently she's spending a lot of time in her room listening to Linkin Park." Rachael said before disappearing again. She stepped out of the bathroom once she was dressed, to an agitated woman whose arms were crossed over the front of her body as she leaned against the wall, waiting. Rachael sighed, "I'm worried too. She's refusing to talk to Monica. She has no idea what's going on, but something is really troubling her."
"We should call her. Poor kid probably feels abandoned."
It was a valid point. While they made every effort to call home, they hadn't been doing so as often since the incident with Liam, mostly because the last thing she wanted was anyone at home to be worried about her. It was clearly a mistake. Gabby was correct in her assertion. She dug her phone out of her gym bag and called Melissa, putting the phone on speaker and setting it down on the desk they shared for study.
The phone rang quite a few times before finally being answered. "Hey," Melissa said softly. Monica's report of the Linkin Park album on repeat was proven to be accurate as the angry chorus of One Step Closer could be heard in the background.
"Hey, you're on speaker, Gabs is here with me. We just wanted to touch base and see how you're doin'." Rachael said in her calm voice that Gabby often teased her about, because she apparently sounded like a therapist.
The volume of the background music dropped significantly and Melissa said, "I'm fine."
Rachael and Gabby shared knowing looks. Gabby spoke up, "It's just ten more weeks Kiddo, then we'll be home."
"Yeah right," Missy spat back, "I did the research. You could be assigned anywhere, it'll be at least a year after that before you can transfer back home."
All the tension that the shower had melted away returned tenfold, as Rachael rubbed her temples. She felt a headache coming on. "Nothing's set in stone, let's just cross that bridge when we come to it."
"Doesn't matter, not like I care anyway." Melissa's petulance was nothing more than a cry for help. A cry to be valued. A cry to be loved. Both cops in training understood this too well.
"How about we come home for the weekend?" Gabby offered, clearly searching for anything that might give Melissa something to be happy about.
Rachael bit back the groan that wanted to force its way out of her lips, because she did not want to return home at all, despite the desire to do so, a desire she was still trying to understand. She had plans with Alec and she didn't want to see her sister, or Melissa. They would both instantly know something bad had happened, no matter the happy face she put on. She didn't want to deal with the inquisition that would follow.
"Don't go out of your way," Melissa replied.
Rachael couldn't resist the eye roll that followed as she shook her head at Gabby. This wasn't going well. It sounded like typical teenage petulance, but it was more than that. Melissa was usually a lot more mature, when feeling emotionally centred. She just didn't know how to deal with big emotions and it came out awfully. It was a vital tell though, it told her that whatever it was Melissa was struggling with it warranted the return home that Gabby had offered. She couldn't keep staying away for her own sake when it was obvious Melissa was drowning emotionally. "It's no trouble. We'll see you Friday night, Missy."
"Okay, bye." Melissa ended the call before either woman could respond.
"Well that went well," Gabby commented sarcastically.
"I just hope we can help centre her emotions in one weekend. I haven't heard her behave so flippantly in a long time. Mon's right to be worried."
"Yeah," Gabby agreed, "She is."
Launceston, Tasmania
Melissa hadn't intended to present such a standoffish attitude when on the phone with Rachael and Gabby, but it was difficult processing everything she had been coming to terms with in their absence. All she had cared about since the day she had picked up a glove, was softball and the found family that supported her fiercely.
She still missed her parents every day, but they had been gone for more than a decade. She had been young when they had passed and her memories were fading. Sometimes there'd be a smell that would flash her back to the warmth and comfort of her mother's arms, but mostly it was just blurry images; she couldn't remember their faces without looking at the several photographs she had of them. She also had a few of their belongings and access to a trust fund that kicked in when she turned eighteen, but none of that meant a damn. She missed her parents.
Melissa really needed her parents right now, because softball had become secondary in her mind, her thoughts kept drawing her back to the two alive people currently absent from her life. Her thoughts kept taking her places she wasn't sure was appropriate. She missed Rachael and Gabby so damn much, Gabby especially. She hadn't been able to stop thinking about her, and it was the ways she was beginning to think about her that left Melissa feeling bereft.
She didn't really know enough about her biological parents to know if they would accept her unexpected attraction to a member of the same sex or not, but she didn't need to. In her mind her parents loved her unconditionally and would have done their very best to be accepting and help guide her through the experience. Her caretakers were extremely Catholic, and it didn't take a genius to understand that her new found obsession with a woman might not go over well. It worried Melissa to no end, because Rachael was the one she would talk to about the difficult things in her life. She didn't feel like this was a situation she could. Rachael was very much like her parents, presenting as very Catholic. Sure she didn't exactly follow the religion strictly, but she had made the odd comment reinforcing the belief that homosexuality was an unforgivable sin.
Who on earth could she talk to about this struggle? She didn't want to be feeling this attraction. She had tried to ignore it, but it seemed the harder she fought it the more her mind would inundate her with thoughts of Gabby. She would fantasise about Gabby coming home from the police academy and sweeping her up into her arms and kissing her like she was a Disney princess. It made her angry, because it threatened the very thing she needed most, the family she had found. It also left her feeling desperate and lonely. And now, Gabby was going to be home for the weekend. It felt both thrilling and terrifying to Melissa, despite knowing reality would be something akin to an awkward coming of age teen movie and not some romantic love story.
A solid knock on the bedroom door caused Melissa to jump a little, startled out of her daydreams of a passionate reunion with Gabby; she reluctantly clambered off of her bed and opened the door just enough to see who was on the other side. She let out a long sigh and huffed rather gruffly, "What do you want Mon?"
"To talk. I'm worried about you." Monica's voice was quiet and soft, matching the look in her eyes.
Monica was important to Melissa too, and she trusted her and she did talk to her about a lot of things, but for some reason the big things had always gone directly to Rachael. Perhaps it was the fact she was the eldest, but at this moment Melissa wondered if the more moderate minded younger sister was the person she should speak with. She had never heard Monica say a bad word about, well, anyone, actually. Monica was very much the live and let live kind of person, a lot more even keeled than she herself was, and yet until this moment standing there hiding behind the door, staring into earnest eyes, Melissa had never once considered that perhaps Monica was the person she should be talking to.
Melissa glanced past Monica and opened the door a crack further and looked around. Not really wanting to take the risk of the parental units overhearing their conversation, she said, "Let's go for a walk."
Monica simply nodded and the pair made their way outside into the cool early evening air. The breeze had a slight bite to it, but they were both warmed by the blood circulating through their bodies as they settled into a brisk pace. For the first five minutes neither of them spoke. Monica simply followed as Melissa led the way.
They took the first left onto a small one way street and crossed the road, navigating their way into Coronation Park. On the left hand side of the path they walked was a green sports field that had once been used for soccer, before soil quality concerns put the kibosh on that. On the right hand side there was more grass, but also a few interspersed pine trees and a public toilet block. It was a quaint little park that held a few memories for both young women, mostly from nights where they participated in friendly games of cricket to blow off steam. Melissa hit a real mean line and length, and if she had wanted to could have pursued cricket as a serious option, but Tasmania wasn't yet taking women's cricket all that seriously, so there wasn't any point. Besides, there wasn't anything about cricket that captured the feeling she felt the first time she hit a home run. Melissa was a softballer, through and through.
Melissa's hand tapped nervously against her leg as they walked, before she eventually brought them to a stop underneath one of the pine trees. She took her jacket off and placed it on the ground and sat down with her back to the tree. Monica mirrored her actions. They both sat with knees drawn against their chests and arms resting against their thighs.
Melissa looked forward at a rickety wooden fence that backed onto the backyard of a nearby house. She could feel Monica's eyes boring into the side of her face, but she couldn't bring herself to make eye contact. Making the decision to talk about her unexpected feelings for Gabby was one thing, actually doing it, she realised was an entirely different kettle of fish. Her stomach was all twisted up and it took every ounce of energy she had not to just abort the mission and run away.
Monica cleared her throat and then broke the silence with a casual comment. "You looked really good at practice last night. Very fluid with your movement. Hamstring fully recovered?"
"Yeah, it was nice to have a full range of movement back with no fear of reinjury. It's gonna be a great year, I can just feel it. Your pitching looked crisp, have you added a little speed?"
"Dunno about speed, definitely more control."
Melissa nodded thoughtfully. "That'll do it. Keep working on it, I expect big things out of you this season."
Monica laughed. "You expect big things out of me every season."
"You haven't let me down yet." Melissa retorted, relaxing a little from the friendly banter. "So long as Bradley doesn't go all Yoko on us, I don't imagine you will this year either." Melissa turned her head and smiled, chuckling at the eyeroll sent her way. "So things are going well there, with him?"
"Yeah, he's so sweet."
"Good. I'm glad to hear it."
The smile on Monica's face disappeared as she looked pensive, perhaps a little concerned. Alarm bells fired off in Melissa's brain and she could feel her fear and anxiety spiking, but she tried very hard to maintain a calm exterior.
"Are you ever going to tell Gabs that you like her?"
Monica's question hit Melissa like a tonne of bricks. She froze like a deer in headlights and simply stared right at her friend. It took a while for her brain to process that Monica's eyes were as soft as they were when she first approached her and that there wasn't any judgement. If anything it was simply her way of saying nothing had to change between them. Monica knew who she was and she didn't care. They were two friends talking about their crushes. Who gave a crap if one of them happened to be crushing on a woman?
"That's not… I mean… what? I… uh… wow… um…" Melissa started picking at her thumbnail, finding it incredibly interesting. Her brain and her heart couldn't quite get on the same page as far as a response went. Logically she understood she was safe with Monica, but her emotional dissonance was very real in that moment.
Monica didn't appear to miss a beat, "Because you know, I think you'd make a really cute couple."
"Is it that obvious?"
Monica chuckled. "Missy, no, not at all. Honestly I just tried to analyse the situation and come at things from your perspective and I picked what I thought you would consider to be the biggest, baddest, scariest thing and threw it out there to see if it stuck."
There were not many times in life that Melissa was left speechless. Momentarily stunned yes, but not speechless. In this moment however, she sat there staring at her friend absolutely dumbfounded and a little impressed if she were to be completely honest.
"And look, I know I can't really understand what you're going through right now, but I just wanted you to know that it doesn't matter to me. You're still Missy. You'll always be Missy to me. I don't care who takes your fancy and I don't care what you do. You're family and nothing is going to change that."
"Please don't say anything to anyone."
"I won't. It's not for me to tell." Monica smiled warmly, "Just talk to me, yeah? Don't bottle it up inside. It's not good for you. It's kind of been really scaring me, seeing the way you've been withdrawing and burying yourself in depressing music."
Melissa's brain clicked into gear and she groaned. "Ugh, you called Rachael didn't you? That's why they're coming home for the weekend."
"You know as well as I do that I've been updating her every week on how you've been doing." Monica said with a small shake of her head and a sad chuckle. "I'm honestly surprised when she remembers to ask me how I am doing."
"That's because she knows you're doing just fine. Spending most of your days hanging out with Brad, doing who knows what." Melissa waggled her eyebrows and smiled a little as she teased her friend, the last remnants of tension leaving her body as it sunk in firmly that Monica genuinely didn't give a shit that she was attracted to a woman.
Monica didn't appear to be in the mood to continue the jovial turn the conversation had been sent. She shook her head and said, "Yeah I'm doing fine, but you're not, Missy. So just talk it out with me, yeah? Cause they're going to be here tomorrow night and you're going to have to tell them something."
And just like that all the tension she had let go surged back and dragged Melissa under once more. Wave after wave of fear and anxiety, doubt and dread pounded her senses, leaving her feeling physically sick. "Oh God," she muttered under her breath.
Monica's hand gripped her shoulder. "What are you so afraid of?"
"Losing my family." Melissa barely breathed out as she attempted to hold back the wave of tears threatening to fall.
"Look, Rachael parrots Dad's views, but that doesn't mean it's how she really feels. She's not gonna turn her back on you because you've got a crush on her best friend."
"I can't take that risk. Monica, promise me you won't ever breathe a word to Rachael. I can't see disappointment in her eyes, Mon… I just can't."
"I told you, it's not my story to tell. I just want to help you, Missy."
"Then help me get through this weekend without making a huge arse of myself, because I haven't been able to stop thinking about Gabby at all. It's kind of freaking me out, to be honest."
"Okay, so maybe just try talking to Gabby. She's not remotely someone you'd have to fear being honest with, worst case scenario she's flattered. Best case scenario we get to go on double dates."
Melissa rolled her eyes. She couldn't help it. Monica's ability to flip between ultra serious and dating obsessed teen, was impressive. "I dunno. She's just too important to me. I don't think I'd be here without her."
"I know," Monica spoke solemnly, the seriousness of the situation not at all lost on her. "It's why I think at the very least you should tell her what's going on with you. Clearly not that she's the one you're attracted to until you're ready, but broach the subject of same sex attraction. Give her a chance to prove me right, because I am. That woman is as protective of you as Rachael is, you've got nothing to worry about."
"I'll think about it."
"That's all I ask."
Melissa simply nodded and looked across the way once more. She turned back to her friend and quite seriously said, "What if I was going to tell you I killed someone? I bet you didn't think of that!"
"Oh I did."
"Then why didn't you lead with that?"
"Because I was really hoping I didn't have to help you bury a body."
The absolute earnestness on Monica's face was enough to send Melissa into a fit of laughter. When she calmed herself down enough to breathe again she climbed to her feet and offered her friend a hand. "Don't tell Rachael this, but you might just be my favourite."
Monica looked absolutely chuffed, but playfully replied, "You're only saying that because I'd help you bury a body."
Melissa linked arms with her friend and nodded enthusiastically. "Without a single doubt."
Two things of note happened when Gabby and Rachael had shown up at the Taylor's residence. The first was the absolute crushing hug Melissa had given her before she'd even managed two steps away from the car. It surprised the Hell out of her and based on the look on Rachael's face it surprised her best friend too. Her best friend looked absolutely gutted that she hadn't been the first port of call. She felt bad, but at the same time a small part of her was thrilled by the attention.
Gabby rubbed Melissa's back and held on tightly, murmuring a greeting into her ear. "Hey Kiddo. Good to see you too."
Melissa pulled away, smiled shyly and turned her attention to Rachael. To her credit, the hug she gave there was just as fierce. Gabby was just thankful they hadn't had to talk her out of her room or been shut out altogether. It had been a very real fear the duo had discussed on the drive back to the north of the state.
When Melissa pulled away from Rachael, her eyes immediately locked with Gabby's, "Can we walk and talk?"
Gabby was pretty sure her eyebrows shot up in surprise as her eyes shifted from shimmering blue ones to confused brown ones. Rachael wasn't taking this well at all, but what was Gabby to do? For whatever reason she was the one that Melissa was seeking out. She was the one Melissa wanted to talk to. She shot an apologetic look at her best friend, who offered up a hesitant nod of encouragement. She may have been shocked, but she wasn't selfish. What mattered was that somebody got to the bottom of what was going on with Melissa.
"Sure, Kid." Gabby agreed, taking one last look at Rachael before she and Melissa started walking down the street.
"Are you liking the academy?" Melissa asked, as they crossed the road.
Small talk. Well, it was probably a bit much to expect Melissa to just open up with big guns firing. Gabby sighed, the exhaustion from a long day getting to her. They had been up at five a.m. and hadn't made it into Launceston until just before nine p.m., still she attempted to focus on what mattered. "Yeah. It's my calling."
"I'm sure you'll make a great cop."
"I sure hope so," Gabby said, allowing Melissa to direct their course.
Before long they were seated on a bench in Ockerby Gardens. The sky had darkened and night was settling in, her eyes adjusted, the moonlight gave her a little assistance, but they were both covered by darkness. It occurred to Gabby that perhaps that would make things easier for Melissa. "You want to talk to me about it?"
"Only if you promise not to breathe a word to Rachael."
Gabby scratched her head and shifted on the seat, trying to get a better view of her younger friend. What on earth could she have to say that required Rachael to be kept in the dark? "You have my word. What's goin' on, Missy?"
Melissa's knee was bouncing so violently that she gave up on sitting and stood, pacing back and forth in front of Gabby, stopping, looking at her, and then shaking her head and pacing again. She repeated the process several times before finally standing in front of Gabby and blurting out, "I think I'm attracted to women."
Oh.
Gabby sat there, peering through the darkness at her friend, saying nothing. For some reason the confession absolutely shut her brain down. She hadn't seen this coming at all and it suddenly made so much sense why she was the one Melissa would turn to. There was a reason she hadn't outed herself to Rachael, she was afraid of losing an important friendship. For Melissa, the fear would be so much worse. What had she been dealing with while coming to terms with this part of herself? The poor kid.
"Gabby? Say something? Please!" Melissa's fearful tone snapped Gabby back to reality.
Gabby stood up and engulfed Melissa in her arms. She held her tightly and pressed a couple of gentle kisses to the side of her head. "It's okay. It'll be okay."
"You don't hate me?" Melissa's voice was so small, it absolutely broke Gabby's heart.
Gabby pulled back to arms length and made sure she made eye contact. "Of course not! Anything you need, any questions you have, we've got you."
"We?"
"Yeah, Me and Alex."
"Alex? Your housemate?"
Gabby shook her head and laughed a little. She had kept her relationship on the downlow for a reason, given her concerns about Rachael's religious inclinations, but she hadn't kept it that hidden. Just quiet enough to have plausible deniability. Was Melissa that oblivious? Did she have absolutely zero gaydar? "No Kiddo, Alex is not my housemate, she's my girlfriend."
Melissa nodded slowly and stepped away. Gabby's brows furrowed in confusion. "Hey, what's wrong?"
Melissa smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "I'm just overwhelmed. It's been a lot."
Gabby nodded and smiled in understanding, but felt a foreboding sense of unease building in her stomach. "Well if there's anything you need, like I said, we've got you."
Melissa running straight into Gabby's arms had stung Rachael in a way she couldn't quite comprehend, but she shook it off, melted into the hug that she eventually received and then encouraged Gabby to take the walk Melissa was asking for. It didn't matter who she opened up to, it just mattered that she did.
After quick hugs from Monica and her parents and the mandatory ten minutes answering questions, Rachael excused herself to her room and flopped down onto her bed. She was staring at the ceiling when Monica plopped down onto the bed next to her. She turned and looked at her sister, "What's up?"
"Not much. Just wondering why you're hiding away in your room? Mum and Dad haven't seen you for months."
"I'm just exhausted. I'll hang out with them in the morning." Rachael was lying through her teeth. She had to try, because she wasn't at all interested in wrestling with the strange sensation of disappointment settling in the pit of her stomach.
"Likely story," Monica said, acknowledging what Rachael already knew. That she didn't believe a single word that had come out of her mouth.
"Okay fine," Rachael harrumphed, "I'm just not used to playing second fiddle."
The smirk on Monica's face was annoying. Rachael shoved her sister in the shoulder and shook her head. "Don't you even start."
"Well your demotion might be worse than that, dear sister. You might be the third chair now, because Missy told me today that I'm her favourite."
Rachael couldn't contain her eyeroll. Leave it to Monica to brag about something like that, but then again she hadn't exactly been the best sister of late. Monica was just so well adjusted it was easy to forget to pay attention to her biological sibling, when Melissa needed so much attention. "That's because you're everyone's favourite Mon. You're the best of us."
Monica smiled brightly. "Okay, we can be equal favourites. I'll share."
Rachael laughed and turned her focus back to the ceiling. After a few quiet, heavy seconds ticked by, she spoke solemnly. "I'm not sure it works like that."
"No, I don't suppose it does."
A soft knock on the door had both siblings sitting up and looking over expectantly. Rachael called out, "Come in."
Melissa entered the room, and it was obvious she was ready to cry. Monica turned to Rachael and nudged her with her elbow, "Looks like you're up. Be nice."
Rachael watched her sister get up and cross the room, stopping briefly to give Melissa a hug before leaving the room and closing the door behind her. Her eyes immediately returned to Melissa, who looked absolutely beside herself. She shifted on the bed and patted the space next to her.
Melissa joined her on the bed and immediately snuggled up against her body, bringing her head to rest against her chest. Rachael sighed, wrapping her arms around her friend protectively. It was obvious that whatever was going on, there was no quick fix. Clearly Gabby hadn't had the answers, or may have even made it worse. She closed her eyes and rubbed rhythmic circles against Melissa's back as the younger woman sobbed. Rachael instinctively knew that Melissa wasn't going to say a single word. It didn't bother her one iota. The unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach disappeared as she lay there holding her friend. Clearly, she was mistaken. She wasn't second fiddle at all.
November, 2014
Launceston, Tasmania
The night before had really turned into a night of so much emotional upheaval, that Melissa spent her Tuesday morning in an almost trance like state. She'd made breakfast for Jane and sent her on her way like nothing was wrong, well nothing beyond what Jane already knew about, but her body was exhausted. She had hardly slept a wink. There may have been an hour or two after crying her eyes out in Jane's arms as she had talked her through what had prompted her many epiphanies that night, but it hadn't lasted.
Her mind refused to shut down so after Jane left to start her day Melissa walked Charlie before feeding him and changing his water out. She tried to nap on the couch with the television on in the background at a very low volume, but it didn't work. So she set about making herself useful around the house and her first idea was to unpack Jane's bag.
She wanted her girlfriend to feel at home, despite the fact they still had to really talk about what Jane intended to do next about her living circumstances. She couldn't just assume Jane was ready to jump in that deep, even if she herself was. She was ready, because there was something about Jane and the way she looked at her. It was as if the broken pieces that represented her heart would shift and slip into place when the American's eyes locked onto her own. Years of denial had been shed, and she was comfortable in her own skin once again. It sucked monumentally that she had hurt two people so very dear to her in the process, but if she'd learned anything from life it was that it could end in the blink of an eye. She knew where she belonged and that was all that mattered. The rest would sort itself out in time.
Melissa hadn't exactly bargained on her curiosity getting the better of her as she pulled an A4 sized envelope out of the bag. She hadn't been able to help herself and she quickly went from standing over the spare bed, to sitting on it. Her eyes studied every page with a burgeoning intensity. Her heart lurched in her chest when she reached the report of Rachael's sexual assault. The details scrawled in barely legible handwriting painted a vivid picture of a night Rachael had brushed off as a mere incident. It left her shaken, with a crap load of questions she wanted to fire at Jane, but settled on waiting for her to return home before unleashing that barrage.
After finally dragging herself away from the files, which she returned to their envelope, she finished putting away Jane's bag of clothes and changed into some shorts and a lightweight t-shirt. She synced her phone with her bluetooth headset and pressed play on her music, then slipped her phone into the pocket of an armband she strapped to her upper arm. She needed to clear her head and a light jog would hopefully help with that and tire her out enough to have an afternoon nap.
Melissa hit the streets and immediately turned right to head up Howick Street, her mind flashing back to the night Jane had kissed her under the streetlight and confessed her love. She kept smiling as she rounded on to Mulgrave Street and started stretching her legs out a little more. She passed the corner shop that she had bought many lollies in as a kid and the smile on her face only widened. She really had lived a fortunate life. She may have experienced more than her fair share of loss and anguish, but it could have been even worse if the Taylor's hadn't stepped up to take her in when she was six. She could have been fostered by strangers, which would have been an absolute crapshoot as far as being a good home went. She'd lucked out and for the first time in a long time she was able to feel that in her soul as she kept running.
Melissa pulled up when she reached Coronation Park, and looked down at the park that required steps to access from Mulgrave Street. She gripped the iron bar at the top of the fence and used it to help her stretch her body out properly. Her mind immediately thought back to the time Monica had used an educated guess to acknowledge her sexuality and then act like it was nothing more than just something that needed to be noted for future blind date situations. The smile disappeared from her face then, as she remembered the difficulties Monica was facing with Brad at the moment. The last update hadn't been positive, it was an any day now kind of situation and Melissa honestly didn't know how Monica was holding it together like she was, but she admired her for it. Monica had always been the surprisingly strong one. Even when faced with the death of her sister. She had taken it in her stride and she had held up not only her grieving parents, but her grieving friends. Melissa to this day didn't know how she managed it. She was simply thankful, so very thankful.
Melissa took off running again, music continuing to pound into her ears as she jogged along the suburban street. She finally hung a right onto Melbourne Street and followed it all the way to Wellington Street, one of the main road's of the city. Across the road was Glen Dhu Primary School. It was where she had first met Monica and Rachael. She remembered a couple of her teachers fondly, especially the ones who had to deal with her behavioural issues in the years following her parents death. In hindsight, she had been quite fortunate. It never felt like it while she was in it, but it really had been a fortunate life.
After stopping for a moment lost in memories of the years gone by, Melissa turned the music up to combat the noise from traffic travelling along the main road and set off back down the street. Her feet hit the pavement at a solid pace all the way down the block, only slowing down for a couple of pedestrians as she passed the Returned Servicemen's Club. She turned right back onto Howick Street and stretched out with a quick hundred metre dash, eventually slowing to a walk as she looked sideways across the road at Ockerby Gardens, which was a park crisscrossed by bitumen paths on a slight incline until it met the hospital grounds behind it.
Traffic crossed in front of her, but she looked past it at the silhouette of a person standing at the top of the embankment looking down in her direction. Time slowed down around her as she focused in, her sixth sense telling her there was something to this. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest as her breath escaped her. She almost took a step onto the street without thinking. She recognised that silhouette. The curve of the hips, the height, it couldn't be. Before she could be absolutely sure a Metro bus cut off her view and after the bus had gone by the embankment was empty. She shook it off and put it down to her heightened emotional state. She was seeing things. She was seeing ghosts.
After Melissa made it home she took the time to rinse away her vision of a dead woman and the solid workout she performed with a long cool shower. After she was dried off she crawled into bed with the Five for Fighting song 100 Years on repeat. Charlie joined her soon after and before she knew it her body sunk into the bed and she slept soundly for the first time in weeks.
A gentle hand brushing hair back from her forehead and a low voice pulled her out of her dreams. She smiled up at Jane. "You're home."
"I am," Jane's voice was soft and she had a smile on her face, but it was tired, or perhaps a little forced. Melissa studied the dark eyes looking down at her and felt an immediate need to sit up.
Jane shifted over a little on the edge of the bed to accommodate her sudden rise and Charlie jumped off the bed and walked out of the room. Melissa watched him go, wondering why he had left, but her more pertinent concern was the way that Jane was looking at her. There weren't any pieces of her heart shifting into place like usual, this was something else altogether. "What's going on?"
"We need to talk," Jane said softly, taking hold of her hand and squeezing.
Melissa felt an urgency build in her stomach. "We need to talk," was never, ever a good thing to come out of the mouth of a romantic partner. Was Jane having second thoughts already? Her heart couldn't bear it if that were the case.
The fear must have been obvious in her eyes because Jane quickly followed up with, "It's not about us. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
Melissa let out the breath she didn't realise she had been holding and then took a few more to steady herself. If it wasn't that, what else could it be to have her girlfriend looking so grim? "You're scaring me, Jane."
Whatever it was it must have been pretty heavy, because Jane took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment before opening them. "Jacob has been investigating the class of 2002. Gabby and… and Rachael's class. He got his hands on the video from that day."
Melissa's entire body went rigid as she processed what Jane was saying. It suddenly made sense why Jane had all those files she had looked at earlier. Immediately her mind flashed back to the moment she felt Rachael's hands in the middle of her back and she shuddered, forcing herself to choke down the emotion that wanted to crawl its way out of her throat.
"The extended footage." Jane's face looked so serious at this point, it left Melissa shaking her head and trying to pull her hand away from her girlfriend, whose grip was like that of a vice. She didn't want to be reliving this. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just goin' to spit it out. It wasn't an accident. The driver circled the block eight times in twenty minutes."
"What?" Melissa questioned disbelievingly, "Why would anyone want to hurt Rache?" The absolute softening of Jane's features and the tenderness with which she had started stroking her hand brought reality slamming into her like the SUV that hit Rachael. "Me?"
Jane nodded slowly. "We believe so, yes. I'm so, so sorry."
Melissa heard what Jane was telling her and on a logical level she understood completely. The SUV had been intended for her. Someone had attempted to kill her. Rachael had been an innocent victim. Emotionally, the walls were caving in on her as she tried to comprehend the gravity of the situation. The woman she had loved, the woman she had let down, had been killed, not in some freak accident because she didn't look before she crossed the road, no, not at all. It was because somewhere out there for some reason unknown to her, someone had wanted her dead. My God, was it the same person from Chicago?
She looked wild eyed at Jane, who nodded slowly, as if she could read her mind. "Yeah Missy, I think it's all connected."
Her instinct at this point was to run. She didn't want to stay sitting there being comforted by Jane. She didn't deserve the state of peace she had finally found today. She didn't deserve one more minute of it. Melissa realised she must have been broadcasting her desire on her face, because Jane pulled her protectively into her arms and held on tightly, rocking them both back and forth as she peppered kisses against the side of her head. Melissa closed her eyes and allowed herself to melt into Jane's arms. She couldn't run. That would be repeating behaviour that had only ended so badly for her time and time again. She had to let Jane comfort her. She had to let Jane take care of her. She had to let Jane be the rock she needed. She had to let Jane love her.
"I'm going to catch him, Missy. I promise you." Jane murmured softly against the side of her head. Gentle kisses continued to be peppered against her skin.
For a moment in time Melissa felt bad for the guy behind it all. Just for one moment. Because she suspected he had no idea the beast he had awakened in Jane and she was certain that Jane would keep her promise. Her girlfriend knew what this new information represented. Jane surely knew the damage it was doing every moment it had to sink into her fragile psyche. There would be Hell to pay, and Hell hath no fury like Jane Rizzoli on the warpath.
Melissa's jaw tightened and she squeezed Jane a little more tightly. "Thank you."
Jane simply held her for a couple more minutes before slowly pulling back and saying, "There's a lot we need to talk about. Jacob will be here tonight, I'm certain he's not involved, but just to be sure when you meet him, if there's a single ounce of doubt in you that it could be him, you make an excuse to go to the kitchen."
"I will." Melissa confirmed, but she wasn't worried. She trusted Jane's instincts and if she felt like he wasn't someone to worry about, then she wouldn't worry. She'd do the due diligence Jane was asking, just to be sure, but she wasn't worried at all, beyond the fact that it was another cop being dragged into the investigation, directly against the psychotic bastard's wishes. She didn't say anything about that though, because she had already told Gabby what was going on. If lives were in danger, she'd already lined the dominos up. At this point the more help they had the better.
Jane stood up and glanced at the door and back towards Melissa. "Also, Gabby's here. I think the two of you can fill in a lot of the blanks that might narrow the suspect pool."
Well that explained why Charlie had disappeared earlier. He'd obviously heard Gabby and had gone to get a little love from his Mum. Melissa sighed and climbed off the bed. She wasn't sure she was really ready to face this group situation, but there was absolutely zero point putting it off either. In fact it was pretty darn imperative they started figuring this situation out. "Alright, let's do this then."
Detective Alec Morris was a simple man. He believed in law and order and he loved his job. He enjoyed a good beer and he played football in the winter months. He was loyal to his friends and he would do absolutely anything for the people he loved, sometimes whether they liked it or not. He did what was necessary. When it came to Gabby, he wasn't just looking out for a friend, he was keeping a promise. A promise to the only woman he had ever loved. A promise he had made a week before she died. The universe had a sick sense of humour. Looking back he couldn't help but wonder if her soul knew it's time on earth was nearly up, because the entire conversation had been unexpected. It haunted him to this day.
Rachael drained the last of her beer and set the empty can down on the coffee table. She leaned back into the couch and stretched her arms out. "I really ought to be getting home."
"Oh come on Rache, don't pike out on me now." Alec said, offering her another beer as he joined her on the couch, placing his feet on the coffee table as he cracked open another for himself. "Besides, you haven't even mentioned whatever it is you wanted to talk about."
She took the beer he offered and opened it, then drained a good portion of the can. She shifted her body so that she was facing him, with her arm strewn across the back of the couch. "It's complicated," she admitted.
He frowned, sculled the rest of his beer and tossed the can across the room at the garbage bin. He missed. With a shrug he mirrored the shift Rachael had made, his arm resting across the back of the couch. His hand found hers and he felt buoyed when she didn't rebuff his attempt to hold it. "This is me you're talking to, Rache. When hasn't it been complicated?"
She laughed and squeezed his hand, nodding slowly, "Too true."
Alec was puzzled by her reluctance to talk. Even after they broke up they had remained good friends. Hell, she'd even suggested that maybe one day the time would be right for them. He half wondered if that was what tonight was about, but now he wasn't so sure. She wanted to talk. She said she needed to talk. She said it was important, but six beers later and all they had managed was shop talk and comments on the footy finals taking place.
"Gabby had a near miss today. She's fine, shook it off like a champ, but uh, it's got me thinking."
Alec's ears perked up and he shifted a little closer, worried. "What happened?"
Rachael waved him off. "That doesn't matter. It just made me realise how we're one mental lapse from disaster at any time. Our lives could be over in the blink of an eye. I'm just worried."
"Just talk to Gabs, find out what's bothering her. Help her fix it and she won't be distracted on the job anymore. It's no big deal."
Rachael forced a smile and nodded in apparent agreement. "Yeah," she sounded defeated, "You're right."
"What am I missing here, Rache? You look like someone stole your Tim Tams."
She simply shook her head and looked over at the television. He watched her closely. Something was agitating her. He hated seeing her this way.
Alec reached out and gently guided her chin back around so that he could look at her. "You know I'm here for you. Just tell me what's going on so I can help you."
The sadness in her eyes was soul jarring. Alec didn't know what was going on, but he felt it deep down inside. Something was off.
"If something ever happened to me, you'd be there for her right? You'd make sure Gabs was okay? You'd have her back?"
It was a stupid set of questions with a very obvious answer. "Of course. That's a promise. Rache, what's going on?"
Rachael reached out and cupped his cheek. She took the time to look him directly in the eyes and said, "You know that I care about you right?"
"Yeah."
She smiled wistfully and closed her eyes. Between the hand entwined with his and the other cupping his cheek he couldn't help but interpret the signs. He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.
Rachael pushed him away gently and shook her head. "No Alec, that's not what I'm looking for."
Alec felt his heart sink. He had just made a complete fool of himself. He pulled himself back and sat forward on the couch, choosing to stare at the television rather than meet her steady gaze.
"In a different time maybe, but things have changed, Alec. That's what I wanted to tell you. What I needed to tell you, so you didn't find out on the grapevine or when shit inevitably hits the fan."
Alec swung back around and looked at her then. He couldn't help his curiosity. What the Hell had she gotten herself into?
"I'm seeing someone and uh, it's serious. I'm in love, Alec."
Alec blinked several times and dug his fingernails into the palm of the hand by his side in an attempt to stop the emotional hurt from reverberating painfully around his body. He focused on the physical pain he was causing himself. He simply nodded, hoping she would get the idea to continue.
"It's Missy."
"Missy?"
"Yeah."
"Gabby's Missy?"
Rachael nodded.
No wonder she had been so reluctant to speak up. Nevermind the absolute thundering grief that was hitting him like a freight train at the realisation his time with her was past. She was committing pretty much the worst sin in his eyes. It wasn't the gay stuff either. It was the unwritten rule, don't mess with your best friend's girl. He was pretty sure he growled his distaste at the situation. No fucking wonder Gabby was distracted, she probably sensed something was up with Melissa. And now Rachael had dragged him into it. He hung his head, loathing the situation he found himself in. "I can't fuckin' believe you."
To Rachael's credit she at least looked like she understood the situation she was putting him in. She at least looked like she was ashamed of what she was doing. Betraying her best friend like that. It was fucked up.
"I know it's a lot and, uh, fuck, I know it is probably hurting you right now. I never expected this, Alec. I honestly thought that in time I would be okay with what happened and we would get back together. I didn't see this coming."
Was she trying to let him down gently right now? There'd been nothing gentle about it and he didn't give a flying fuck about his own feelings on the situation. He'd pretty much resigned himself to being a good friend and nothing more. Her snuffing out his last sliver of hope was nothing in comparison to the roaring anger he felt on Gabby's behalf. "I don't care if they snuck up on you like a ninja, Rache. You don't mess with your best friend's girl. Fuck."
She put a hand on his knee in an attempt to calm him but he shoved it away. "Just don't. You don't get to…. You just don't. That's fuckin' Gabby's girl, Rache. You're gonna break her heart into a million fuckin' pieces, for what? A few shags? Missy ain't ever gonna leave Gabby for you. What the fuck have you done?"
"Alec, please."
"NO!" He roared, jumping to his feet. He towered over her and sent her a withering look. "Did you even stop to think what this would do to Gabs? Your best fuckin' friend. I don't care how much you think you love Missy. You swallow that shit down and you move the fuck on. Find a fuckin' look-a-like and shag the shit out of her. You don't steal your best friend's fuckin' girl."
"I know you're mad. I get it. But would you please…"
"No, I fuckin' won't. I'm not gonna stand here and listen to you try to justify this shit. Missy's practically your fuckin' sister. This shit is so fucked up." Alec ran both of his hands through his hair, not knowing what to do with them. His body vibrated with so much anger. He didn't know how he was supposed to look at Rachael the same, ever again. He turned and walked out of the room. He needed a moment to breathe. Looking at the woman he loved, listening to her try and justify betraying her best friend like that… it was doing his head in.
He'd barely had a moment to breathe when he felt her hands on his shoulders. She was standing right behind him. Entirely too close for a woman who was claiming to be in love with another. He knew what she was doing. She was trying to take advantage of his feelings for her to calm him down. It annoyed the shit out of him, because it was working. He let out a heavy sigh and turned around to look at her again. "For the love of God, you have got to break up with Missy and you have got to beg her not to confess because she feels guilty. If Gabby ever finds out what you've done. What she's done. She might just fuckin' strangle you with her bare hands."
"She wouldn't do that." Rachael said confidently.
Alec shook his head in utter disbelief. Did they not both go through the academy with that woman? "She would've strangled Liam if she'd had the chance."
"But you beat her to that, didn't you, Alec?" Rachael's voice was cold as ice and it actually caused him to take an involuntary step back.
"You seriously think…"
"I don't think, Alec. I know."
He swallowed nervously and shook his head repeatedly. "No, no, no, no. This is not happening."
Rachael placed her hand on his forearm and said, "I'm all in with Missy, Alec. Whatever happens, is gonna happen. I'll do my best to protect you from the fallout, but you have got to promise me you'll never hurt her. Whether she stays with Gabs or she leaves with me. Don't fuckin' hurt her Alec."
He looked at her, completely astounded. She was speaking absolute nonsense. "Even if I did what you're suggesting I did, it would have been to protect you. How the Hell would doing anything to someone you love fall into that category? You think I wanna see you go through that level of misery? I fuckin' love you Rachael. So yeah, if it makes you feel any better, I promise to never hurt her. Alright?"
She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."
Detective Alec Morris was a simple man with a promise to keep. That was why he knocked on the door and waited. When the door opened he smiled his most disarming smile and said, "Hey there. I believe you and I need to have a chat."
Firstly, Happy New Year. Secondly, guest reader Bev, I just have to say you have very high expectations of updates over Christmas/New Year, given you think this story is so sick (there's nothing actually sick about women choosing to have relationships with other women you don't like... that's just life, FYI). I guess it's great you are compelled to feel things, but if you don't like the story, why are you so mad at me taking my time between updates? I hope you find something to enjoy if you keep reading. It is a soap opera though, so anticipate even more "sick" stuff.
As for the story, y'all think you have it worked out yet? Cause I am trying my best to bring you an interesting mystery alongside the relationship shenanigans... also, who is behind door number one?
Also thank you all for sticking with me, I hope despite the angsty, soapie twists and turns, that you are enjoying at least some aspects of the story telling. I will do my best to get another update out soon.