Love.
Four little letters that are substantially heavy. A weight so crushing that even Hercules would buckle under the pressure. A gravity so intense that it would threaten to realign the planets. A tidal wave of vulnerability that would tear down the tallest mountain, leaving behind nothing but dirt and debris in its wake. I will carry the weight of those four letters on my shoulders until he is able to share the load.
"We must be prepared for what awaits us", Severus had said. If our bond breaks and there are no feelings left other than those between a regular student and teacher, will the load be more or less heavy? It is one thing to accept that what we feel is true and real, but it is entirely another to have to pretend as though the feelings were never there.
I could not live with myself if, after all was said and done, I had not told him how I felt. I could feel the fear rippling off him as that word slipped from my lips. I knew he couldn't or wouldn't say it in return. At the beginning of the year, Albus told me to be patient with him, and so I will wait. I will wait until he is ready or until the bond breaks, whichever comes first.
That night, we simply laid in each other's arms, curled up on the couch in front of the fire. Neither of us so much as uttered a word after my confession, and I couldn't tell which one was more anxious than the other.
His anxiety stemmed from more than just the fear of what may or may not be true. It was a dark, deep-rooted dread. It felt as though I were a Dementor performing The Kiss on him, sucking the soul straight from his core. Those four letters ricocheted through his body, holding him in a vice.
And yet, through the black depths of his inner demons, there was a whisper of light. A barely visible shimmer of something on the horizon of his sea of self-loathing. A hint of a four-letter word of a similar calibre. One that could threaten the destruction of the fortress he has spent his whole life building up, keeping him imprisoned within himself.
Hope.
I woke with a start when Severus jerked upwards, cursing. We had fallen asleep in the Room of Requirement, and it was half past four in the morning. With a quick peck on my lips, he rushed me through the secret passageway and through his fireplace into my bedroom. I wanted to be upset at his urgency, but I understood. I was just grateful to have been able to spend at least half a night in his warm embrace.
This morning I woke up a year older but feeling as though I had aged ten. I wondered if Severus felt the same, though I suspected he was used to the kind of pressure we were both under. As my eyes fluttered open, I noticed a flurry of pink. I rubbed my eyes a little too furiously to shake away the blur and gasped.
A bonsai cherry blossom tree was hovering at the foot of my bed. It sat in an intricate cast iron pot that resembled a miniature cauldron, adorned with a snake slithering around its exterior, with its head resting proudly on the lip and eyes fixated on the tiny pink petals.
My eyes welled up instantly, and despite my trembling chin, I grinned. He didn't need to say that four-letter word; he shows me that he loves me every day. As I rolled over to stand and get a better look, I noticed a card on my bedside table, sealed with an emerald green wax stamp with an "S" in the centre. My cheeks flushed. He must have come during the night. How did I not hear the fireplace erupt? I carefully peeled the letter open and felt my eyes tear up again.
Mine,
Happy eighteenth birthday, darling.
I created this cherry blossom for you. It will neither perish nor wither; it is linked to us. A piece of each of us pulses through its roots. So long as we hold each other's hearts, it will not die.
Yours.
I had to hold the letter away from my body so as not to soak the parchment as my tears fell. I read the short letter over and over again until the words began to meld together. The magnitude of his gesture is greater than I can even fathom. He has all but shouted from the rooftops that our love will not die. Our feelings simply cannot be severed along with this bond. In less than five months, we have fallen so deeply into a cavern of emotions that it is impossible to think we could continue on otherwise.
I moved the cherry blossom to the coffee table in front of my fire, knowing that it would be the first thing he saw every time he came into my room. I made quick work of getting dressed, and as I was about to leave my room, I could feel Tas on the other side of my door. I had a brief thought to alert her to my knowing of her plan, but I didn't want to ruin her "surprise".
I pulled my door open as nonchalantly as possible and was met with numerous tiny explosions. Miniature fireworks popped above my head, and confetti rained down above me, coating my hair briefly before fading away, only to be replaced by flecks of glitter. The fireworks merged together to form a tiny "18" and, thankfully, the glitter disappeared like the confetti did. I grinned and laughed as Tas clapped and jumped with glee.
"Happy birthday!" She almost tackled me to the ground with the force of her hug. "Thank you, sweet. What a surprising start to my day! You're not usually this chipper so early." I giggled as we linked arms and strolled to breakfast.
"Yes, well, you only turn eighteen once!" Too many heads for my liking turned our way as we made our way through the halls. "I don't need the whole castle knowing, though." I tried desperately to hush her, knowing full well that it would do me no good.
"Shut up and enjoy the attention for one day!" She nudged me as we sat down in the Great Hall.
"Happy birthday, darling." Severus greeted. "And to you, Sev." I was about to thank him for my gift when, much to my dismay, a single cupcake with a lit candle appeared on my plate. Surely the elves don't know it is my birthday, too. When all the students that sat around me saw it, they began to sing "happy birthday", and I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
"I knew you'd enjoy that." The sly git!
"It was you! And to think I was about to thank you for my gift! Maybe I should stand up and announce that it is your birthday, too." I glared up at him briefly, and he was smirking.
"And risk receiving even more unwanted attention? Go ahead, darling, do your worst." It took every ounce of strength not to groan out loud at his smugness.
Just as I was about to admit defeat, I caught Albus' eye, and he motioned for me to come to him. I almost jumped with excitement, completely ignoring the fact that he could possibly be planning to announce to the whole school that it was my birthday.
"Game on." I smiled warmly at Albus as I made my way up to where he sat at the head of the high table. Severus' eye darted in panic between me and Albus. Professor McGonagall was seated to Albus' right, and Severus was next to her.
"Be smart, dear." He threatened.
"Oh, but sir, you told me to do my worst."
"Good morning, Hazel. Happy birthday." Albus' eyes twinkled up at me. "Thank you, sir. However, my morning will be even better knowing you aren't going to make a spectacle of said birthday." I smiled through pleading eyes and sighed in relief when he chuckled. "I wouldn't dream of it." He winked.
"I didn't know it was your birthday, Hazel!" McGonagall chimed in cheerfully. "Did you know you share a birthday with Professor Snape?" She smiled, jerking her head towards Severus. Up until this point, he had been focusing very intently on his bacon and eggs. He glared at her with daggers so sharp they could have sliced through her.
"I did not! What are the odds of that, Professor?" I smirked at him, tilting my head so as to appear innocent.
He clenched his jaw and huffed, and I had to bite my cheek to suppress a giggle. "Don't mind him, Hazel." She waved him off and leant over the table to whisper. "He doesn't like people knowing about his birthday." I could tell she was trying not to laugh, too. "I guess we have that in common, too." I didn't turn my attention away from him.
I could feel Albus was quite enjoying this little showdown, and I suspect this was his intention from the beginning. "Happy birthday, Professor." I raised my eyebrows slightly at Severus, probing him further.
"You're in trouble, darling." His eyes were boring into mine, trying to intimidate me, but I was not going to back down now. "And to you, Miss Goldstein." He narrowed his eyes at me, and I could tell McGonagall was becoming anxious at the interaction but also highly amused at Severus' obvious discomfort.
"It is strange, though, that the elves did not send you a birthday cupcake, too. I assumed they did that for everyone." I hummed as wistfully as I could manage. "The elves do not send birthday cupcakes, Hazel. That must have been one of your friends." Albus chimed in before Severus could respond.
I could not hold in my laugh this time, and I had to look away as I choked slightly at the attempt. Albus was very pleased with himself, and I made a mental note to thank him later for the opportunity to embarrass Severus.
"How odd. None of them confessed as such." I cleared my throat as I regained my composure.
"Perhaps it was a secret admirer!" McGonagall exclaimed. Oh, this was too good to be true. Albus set this up, and McGonagall is falling right into the trap, as I am sure he expected she would. Severus did say she was nosy, and I am starting to see his point.
"Thin ice, Hazel." Severus was becoming nervous, and it made me all the more thrilled.
Sensing my utter enjoyment, Severus decided to add to McGonagall's comment. "Perhaps it was Mr. Bagshaw." My jaw dropped in horror, while McGonagall's dropped in excitement. "The Head Boy and Girl!" She beamed.
"I can assure you, Professor Snape, that it was not Augustus." I glared at him. McGonagall was eagerly following our exchange, and I could tell that a few other staff members had stopped their conversations to listen in, too.
"How can you be so sure? If the admirer is in fact a secret, then you cannot be certain it is not the Head Boy." He smirked. I bit down on my lip as I felt my cheeks flush.
"Now who's on thin ice, Severus?" I raised my eyebrows and let out a soft laugh. "Maybe you don't recall, sir, that on Tuesday evening we caught Augustus in a rather passionate, and albeit unfortunate, embrace with a Ravenclaw girl."
McGonagall clasped her hands together and giggled like a schoolgirl. "Oh, please tell me, Hazel, what else have you and Severus gotten up to on your rounds?" She was practically bouncing in her seat, and I choked and coughed in an attempt to stifle another laugh. Severus' eyes widened a fraction, and his nostrils flared.
"Now, now, Minerva. Let the poor girl get back to her friends." I praised Merlin that Albus finally put a stop to this charade. It was fun while it lasted, but the sooner it ended, the better.
"Have a good day, Professors!" I hurried away before McGonagall could ask any further questions.
"Just because it is your birthday does not mean I won't punish you." Severus called out as I began to walk out of the hall with Tas.
"All is fair in love and war, Sev."
Much to my chagrin, I received birthday wishes from just about every student I passed. During my double D.A.D.A. class, Severus threatened to announce the news in front of everyone as my "punishment". I reminded him that people would think he had lost his mind if he openly showed any sort of interest in a student, Slytherin or not.
By the end of the day, I was exhausted. Severus told me to skip dinner and meet him in the Room of Requirement, so I told Tas that I was tired and needed to preserve my energy for the party tomorrow. We usually do rounds on Thursdays, so I assume he asked another teacher to cover us. I doubt any staff member would dare refuse a request Severus made, so I am sure he had no issues.
I quickly showered and shimmied into the same red dress that I wore to Slughorn's Christmas party. I remember how much Severus loved it, and I am sure he was rather disappointed that I was in no state for him to rip it from my body. The thought made my core drip, and I had to clench my thighs and calm my breathing.
I disillusioned myself, climbed through the portrait of the lady cradling her baby, and stood in front of the concealed room. Still hiding myself, I paced back and forth in front of the wall and thought of Severus. When the familiar, large, arched door crumbled into view, I couldn't help but grin. The secrets that this castle must hold are unfathomable.
I pushed the doors open and stopped dead in my tracks. My mouth fell agape, and my eyes widened. The room somewhat resembled my private chambers, though a fair bit larger. To my right, there was a kitchen with a black marble island bench and two stools on the opposite side. Two large pots were bubbling away on the stove, and the familiar smell of Bolognese wafted over to where I still stood in the doorway.
In front of me was a comfortably large lounge area, with the same plush couches that usually adorned the space. A fireplace was lit and crackling, heating up the room. Between the lounge and the kitchen sat a round, black table big enough for two people. It was already set, with two wine glasses and a bottle of, what I assume, red wine, and a single lit candle in the centre.
To my left, along the far wall, sat a four-poster bed that strongly resembled mine. It was embellished with the same emerald green satin sheets and a hefty black blanket. My heart started hammering in my chest, and my cheeks were beginning to ache from smiling for so long.
What truly took my breath away, though, was the incredibly handsome man standing in the centre of the room. Dressed in all black, as per usual, but without the thousand-buttoned robes. Instead, he wore simple black trousers and a black button-up. My thighs clenched at the thought of it being far easier to undress him in his current state.
"If you stand there any longer, someone will definitely see us." His baritone voice shook the bones in my body, and my mouth started to salivate. I realised he himself still could not see me, as I had not yet revealed myself. I hastily shut the doors and dropped the charm, exposing my extremely flushed self to him.
"You look beautiful, my darling." In three large strides, he was in front of me, and my mouth was swallowed by his. I instinctively wrapped my hands around his neck while his wove around my back, pulling each other closer. His tongue danced with mine for several long, passionate minutes until we were forced to separate, lest we risk oxygen deprivation. I blushed profusely, still breathless, as he took me by the hand and led me to the kitchen counter.
He took the wine and glasses from the table, stood on the opposite side of the bench to where I sat, and poured us both a generous glass. "To you." He raised his glass.
"To us." I corrected him and tapped my glass against his with a clink. I moaned a little too loudly as the wine glided across my tongue.
"If a simple sip of wine is making you moan, I can't wait to hear the noises you make after dinner."
I bit my lip as I felt myself gush at his deep, velvety voice, laced with desire and seduction. Every moment we spend together brings out a new level of lust, and it is becoming impossible not to impale myself on his cock.
"If you keep saying things like that, we might not make it to dinner. Which would be a terrible waste, as it smells as delicious as you look."
He smirked, took another sip of his wine, and turned to face the stove. I watched in awe as he worked on stirring the pots, chopping, and adding ingredients. It was like watching him brew a potion – so meticulous and precise, completing every step as easily as breathing.
I let my eyes travel down his back, and I tilted my head slightly as I stopped to appreciate his plump ass. I haven't had many opportunities to see it in its glory, and I can only hope I will get that chance tonight.
"Would you like to take a picture?" He mocked as he continued working.
"Yes, actually, I would." I stood up and circled the bench, stopping directly behind him and cupping his ass fully in both of my hands. I giggled when he flinched slightly, but he quickly relaxed into my touch.
"If you keep touching me like that, we definitely won't make it to dinner." I placed a kiss on the centre of his back and stepped around him to peek into the pots. As I suspected, spaghetti Bolognese.
"Lucky I wore red."
A short ten minutes later, we were sitting across from each other with wine in hand and a bowl of pasta. "I didn't know you could cook." I swallowed a moan with a mouthful of spaghetti, not wanting to interrupt the deliciousness by having him throw me over his shoulder and carry me to the bed.
"It is calming. Similar to brewing a potion, cooking requires concentration while also offering a clear mind."
With a full belly of pasta and wine, we resigned ourselves to the couch. A comfortable silence hung in the air as I sat between his legs while he stroked my arms gently. "This room looks an awful lot like mine, minus the kitchen." I said as I rested my head back on his shoulder.
"You have the castle to thank for that. I was equally surprised." The castle must know how much time he has spent in my room and, more importantly, what we have done in my room.
I shivered as he leant down and pressed his lips against my neck, just below my ear. "You're eighteen now." His hot breath fanned across my cheek.
"I am." My body shuddered as his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest. As quickly as he pulled me in, he grabbed my hips and spun me around to straddle his lap. I gasped at the forceful suddenness. He is strong enough to throw me around like a ragdoll, and my legs quivered at the thought.
The slit allowed my legs to part enough to sit astride him, but it also lifted my dress up, so my barely covered quim was almost fully exposed. His hands rested on my hips as his eyes penetrated mine. Even through the onyx depths, I could see his pupils were blown with desire.
"I know you have been ready for a long time." He stroked my waist, letting the silk glide under his fingers. I began to tremble atop him in anticipation. "I must admit that I have been ready since we first kissed."
My heart was pounding in my chest so loudly that I am sure he could hear it. "But I had to refrain from indulging further." He squeezed my hips gently, and I had to fight the urge to roll them down on him.
"I know." I breathed. I didn't want to say anything that might deter him from taking this further.
"Are you still ready?" I couldn't help but whimper at his question. Of course I am ready. I have been ready every second of every day.
I crashed my lips against his and immediately entwined my tongue with his, gladly allowing him to lead the dance. I scooted closer so my dripping core was pressed against his cock, which was unsurprisingly hard, and rolled my hips, desperate for friction. He groaned lowly into my mouth and pulled away.
"I need your words, darling."
"I have been ready since the moment my name first slipped from your lips, Severus."
He pressed his lips against mine once more, and I was so lost in the feeling of his tongue dominating mine that I didn't realise his hand had slithered between my thighs. He swallowed my moan as his fingers pressed against my clit over my soaked G-string.
"Every time I feel how wet you get for me, every nerve in my body burns to feel you dripping around my cock."
I couldn't respond as I felt a knot form in my throat. I was trembling with need and desperation, and his words were sending me closer to the edge. I felt a chill of magic spread across my thighs, and my underwear vanished. I didn't have time to register it, though, before two of his fingers were thrust into my soaked pussy.
"Fuck." I threw my head back and braced my hands on his shoulders. When his thumb flicked my clit, I couldn't help but ground my hips down onto his fingers.
"Every time I feel your fingers fill me…" I panted with every thrust. "Every nerve in my body aches to feel your cock fill me instead." He latched his steaming mouth to my neck, finding my pulse point, and sucked and nipped until I was mewling. He knew how close to the edge I was, so he brought his free hand up to clamp my nipple over the silk.
As he hooked his fingers a final time, I clamped down, my legs quaking as I came. I latched my lips back on his, not caring that I was still out of breath. In my post-orgasm haze, I barely felt him wrap his hands under my bum and hoist me up. Before I knew it, I was on my feet beside the bed, with his hands holding me up by my waist.
He glanced over my shoulder at the bed and locked his eyes back on mine. "Are you sure you're ready?" It was rather funny. He was wanting to make sure I fully consented to having sex for the first time, but it felt as though he was trying to convince himself that he was ready.
"Take my dress off, Severus."
He smiled softly, ran his hands up my arms, and gently tugged both straps over my shoulders. He leant down and kissed each shoulder before spinning me around slowly. "I was rather disappointed that I wasn't able to enjoy you in this dress the first time I saw you in it." He murmured against my skin, sending a shiver across my body, and heat to my core.
"That's why I wore it tonight."
With a kiss to the base of my neck, he dragged the zipper down, kissing along my spine the lower it got. When he placed his hands on my hips and spun me around, the sight made my heart burst.
The strongest, most severely revered, and dreadfully feared man in this school is currently kneeling at my feet in total submission.
I shimmied my hips slightly and let the silk pool at my feet and his knees. His eyes travelled the length of my body, and I felt every inch of skin heat up wherever they landed. He trailed wet kisses over my hips, stomach, and breasts, suckling lightly at my peaked nipples, before he stood in front of me once again. I was equally panting and holding my breath at every little ministration.
With trembling fingers, I reached up and began unbuttoning his shirt. I kept my eyes on him as I worked at undressing him. He dropped his shoulders slightly so I could push his shirt off, and it fell to the floor, joining my dress. "Are you sure?" I asked him. My eyes remained locked on his as I popped the button on his trousers.
He let out a soft, breathy snort. "Why are you asking me?"
I pressed my lips against his chest, directly above his pounding heart. "Because you're nervous; I can feel it." I looked up at him again, my fingers resting idly on his zipper. He cupped my cheeks and placed a gentle peck on my lips.
"I am sure, Hazel." I smiled in contentment and dragged the zipper down. I could feel his cock twitch beneath my fingers, and I let out a soft whimper.
A shaky breath escaped his throat as I hooked my fingers under the band of his pants and briefs and tugged them down. He shifted slightly as he stepped out of them both, discarding his shoes along with them.
We have stood in this position once before, after our bath. I knew then that he was not ready to take the final step. Now, however, my blood was boiling with the fact that we would finally give ourselves fully to each other.
He leant down and locked his lips with mine. Slow, sensual, deliberate swipes of his tongue roamed my mouth. One, two, three, four swirls for four letters he couldn't bring himself to say. He braced his hands on my waist and gently coaxed me back towards the bed.
"Lay down."
I eagerly obeyed him as I crawled onto the bed and rested my head on the pillow, my eyes never leaving him. He stood over me for a moment, drinking in the sight of me trembling before him.
As he climbed to my side, he hovered above me, creating a curtain of black hair around my face. I smiled up at him, eyes full of love and desire. He lowered his head to capture my lips once more before letting his hand trail down my stomach and over my mound. I pulled my lips from his. "Sev, I've never –" He cut me off by briefly kissing me again.
"I know." His fingers circled my slit slowly, and I arched my back instinctively.
"We will go as slow as you need." He kissed along my jaw while his fingers teased my entrance until I was a panting mess. "You cannot lie to me, darling. If you become uncomfortable, we will stop immediately." He gently pressed a finger into my dripping core, quickly followed by a second, and I fought to keep my eyes on him.
"I am ready, Sev."
His eyes were locked on mine, searching for any hint of a changed mind. When he gently slipped in a third finger, I gasped and whimpered at the familiar fullness.
"I am not small, so it will be less painful if you are prepared." He whispered into my ear as he began to thrust his fingers in and out, in and out, in and out. The familiar burst of magic flowed from his fingers and up through my body with every thrust. When my hips started to roll in time with his thrusts, he pulled out.
I whined at the loss of contact, but he swiftly lifted himself to his knees, positioning himself between my legs. My heart rate increased drastically when I saw him kneel over me. However, it felt the same as when he knelt at my feet – he was submitting to me, to us. My eyes darted between his eyes and his cock, which was sitting painfully hard and painfully close to my soaked core.
He certainly was not small.
"Breathe." He leant over, ran one hand up the side of my body, and cupped my cheek, letting his thumb rest on my bottom lip. I let out a long breath that I didn't know I had been holding and nodded.
"Wrap your legs around my waist." He instructed. My legs were quivering with anticipation, so he helped guide them. When I locked my feet together around the small of his back, he leant over me again, bracing one hand beside my head.
I instinctively laced my fingers through his hair, keeping my eyes pinned on his. I felt his fingers thrust into my entrance again, and his thumb teased my clit. "Please, Sev." The anticipation was killing me. He removed his fingers and pressed his lips to mine, drinking me in for a moment before pulling back to lock his eyes on mine once more.
When I felt his hand move away from my core, I looked down between our bodies to see him wrap his hands around his cock, coating himself in my slickness. I sucked in a breath when I saw him position himself at my entrance.
"Look at me." My eyes snapped to his, and my heart skipped a beat when I felt his tip press against me. "Breathe, darling." He whispered. I nodded and tugged on his hair lightly, letting him know I was alright; I didn't trust my voice right now.
When he slowly pushed his tip through my slick folds, I detangled my fingers from his hair and grasped his broad shoulders, digging my nails in, desperate for leverage. He gently worked his way further inside me and paused when I flinched, causing my walls to clench.
I have never felt more full in my life, and he is barely halfway in. He let me adjust for a moment, and when he felt me relax around him, he pushed again, this time burying himself to the hilt.
I hissed slightly and squeezed my eyes shut, digging my nails deeper into his shoulder blades. I was panting, and my body began to glisten with beads of sweat. He groaned lowly into my ear as he felt my walls contract around his cock, still getting used to the fullness.
"Are you alright?" He murmured into my ear, kissing my neck softly. Eyes still closed, I focused on steadying my breathing and relaxing my body until I felt my walls ease around him.
"Yes." My chest was still heaving, but my breath had evened out. I waited for him to start to move, but when he didn't, I opened my eyes. His hair fell around my face, framing us both. I leant up and pressed my lips against his, hungry but soft. He pulled back slowly and cautiously pushed back in. The pain lasted for a moment or two, but soon enough I felt my hips start to undulate of their own accord.
I began to meet his slow, languid thrusts with a little more urgency than he was currently providing. Pain turned to pleasure, and I needed more. "Please, Sev." I moaned. With a low, soft groan, he increased his speed, his pelvis lightly hitting mine with every thrust.
The magic seemed to pulse off his cock, sending shockwaves through my entire nervous system. It was surreal. I briefly wondered if it was the effects of the bond or if this is just how intense sex is. Perhaps both.
I felt all my senses heighten as he continued to pound slowly into me. The room seemed brighter, the sound of his soft grunts echoed through my ears, and the feeling of him filling me was like being flayed, but in the best way possible. When I began to whimper and writhe beneath him, he captured my lips once more and began to pound into me with more force.
He swallowed my moans and cries, while I swallowed his grunts and growls. "Are you alright?" He asked again without letting go of my lips.
"Stop asking if I'm alright and fuck me, Severus!" All feelings of discomfort had been eradicated, and I was desperate for more. More of him and more of the magic surging through my veins.
I felt him smirk against my lips and shift slightly, so he rested on his forearms. He pulled his cock out until only the tip was still inside me before he snapped his hips back down. I threw my head back and bit my lip to keep myself from screaming at the pleasure. My tits were bouncing up and down between us as the force of his cock ramming into me jerked my body.
Keeping up his relentless rhythm, he brought one hand to my chin and tilted it down to face him. "This room is soundproof, darling." He purred into my ear, sending shivers over my entire body.
"Let me hear you."
I was moaning his name in time with each thrust as I felt the band in my stomach grow tighter. "Louder." He growled. When I felt his hand slip between us and his fingers press against my clit, I threw my head back and cried out.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I blinked rapidly so I could keep my eyes focused on him. "Please don't stop." My peak was approaching fast, and my whimpers, moans, and yelps mingled with his grunts, growls, and groans.
As his fingers rubbed mercilessly at my clit and his hips pounded ruthlessly into me, I could feel the familiar twitch of his cock. It was his deep, carnal growl that sent me toppling over the edge, my walls clamping down on his cock as we both came. The feeling of his seed pouring inside me, coating my walls in his essence, was euphoric.
Several things happened simultaneously, then.
A full-force gale burst through my lungs almost painfully, and my back arched at the pressure. My whole body felt electrified, as though I had just been struck by lightning. A thundering, piercing noise rang through my ears, rattling my brain. A brief vision danced across my eyes: a filthy shack, a giant snake, and Severus lying lifeless in a corner. A blinding blue light emitted from where our bodies were still connected, surrounding us in its glow before filling the entire room.
It was an overwhelming, unearthly, and utterly profound experience. The enraptured orgasm we had just had, mixed with the overdrive of my senses, had me panting and trembling with exhilaration. My eyes darted around the room, curiously examining the blue light. It looked almost like smoke from the way it clouded the room. Thick and bright, but airy and wistful.
When my eyes landed back on him, he was glancing around the room as well. His cock was still buried inside me, though slightly more flaccid.
"What is that?" My voice trembled as the aftershock of sensory overload still flooded my system. Severus turned his gaze back to me, and I hissed as he slowly pulled his cock out. The second he slipped out of me, the light faded away, leaving us in the soft glow of the fire.
I felt strange. My body felt heavy, almost like when you step back on dry land after floating in the water for an hour; the gravity was pulling me down into the bed. Though Severus still hovered above me, I felt slightly further away from him.
Ever since the beginning of the year, I have been pulled towards him like a magnet. I still felt drawn to him, though now it seemed to be of my own accord rather than a magical force keeping us together.
I desperately searched his eyes for answers, and he was doing the same.
"Are you alright?" He whispered.
For the moment, he was choosing to ignore whatever flood of magic had just erupted through and around us.
"More than." I felt my cheeks flush, though I doubt they had been anything other than crimson since the moment I stepped through the door.
"What was that?" I asked again.
He shifted off me and leant against the headboard, and I watched as his eyes flicked around the room, chasing the memory of the blinding light. I frowned slightly when he didn't immediately pull me into his embrace, but I shrugged it off and sat up, turning to face him.
"I am not sure." He said plainly, flexing his fingers.
For someone who just had an incredible orgasm, he seems awfully tense. I wondered if perhaps it wasn't as good for him as it was for me. I could feel my palms start to sweat, and I shifted uncomfortably. The distraction of the magical light show aside, I had hoped he would at least hug me after my first time. After our first time.
I rolled my shoulders and sat up straight, pushing the disappointment to the back of my mind. Ever the clinical Potion's Master and expert spy, he must be consumed with trying to find answers.
"Do you feel any different?" I asked as I clutched the blanket to cover my chest, suddenly feeling too exposed.
I saw him glance at me out of the corner of his eye briefly, and my heart sank. A boiling nervous energy was radiating off of him. It wasn't from a lack of knowing what magic had just erupted, but because of me. At the beginning of the year, trepidation and stubbornness towards our connection plagued his emotions. But, as time went on and our bond and relationship grew, he relaxed into the notion of comfort and familiarity.
The way his fear rippled through him now, clouding the air in a thick and heavy haze, sent me reeling. There was a cold and ominous distance between us. It felt as though he was physically pushing me away without so much as laying a finger on me. I could feel his walls building up stronger and taller, blocking me from his view.
"I feel less… tethered." His detached voice caused a lump to form in my throat. Whatever hope I had seen in his eyes had seemingly vanished.
"Did you see anything?" I asked hesitantly. Tears pooled in my eyes faster than I could blink them away, and for the first time since he climbed off of me, he turned to face me. It looked as though it was causing him physical pain to look at me, and I felt my heart shatter. Through the black depths of his eyes, I could see him Occluding, reinforcing his walls, and blocking me out.
"No." His nostrils flared, and he clenched his jaw.
He was lying. Even if he managed to force me out of his mind completely, I would still know. His attempt to lie to me is like me attempting to lie to myself. Impossible.
"Is the bond broken?" My voice shook.
He considered me for a moment, then glanced around the room, as if searching for something.
"I don't believe so."
A tentative hand reached out and gripped my arm lightly. The familiar heat of magic tingled down to my fingers and up to my neck from where he held me. We're still bonded. As I leant into his touch slightly, he pulled his hand away.
"What's wrong?" Tears were streaming down my face, and my whole body trembled. Regret, dread, and hatred flooded his system. He regrets sleeping with me. He is dreading having to see me every day. He hates me. He let out a long, low sigh.
"Nothing. You should get back to your dormitory." My mouth fell agape. His once warm, sensual voice was now laced with ice. I felt like he had slapped me across the face.
"So, that's it, then?" I huffed with a quivering lip as he stood and began to dress.
"Is what it, Hazel?" The way he drew my name out sounded like it stung him as it rolled off his tongue. I stood with a scoff and quickly slipped into my dress.
"A quick shag, and now you're done with me?" It was his turn to appear as though he'd been slapped.
"I suppose I was merely a means to an end for you, Severus." My heart felt heavy in my chest, but I felt hollow. I am not mistaken this time; he is rejecting me.
"No, you weren't." He sighed, defeated. "It was not a quick shag, Hazel. I am not…" he hesitated for a moment, as if calculating my trembling body in front of him, "done with you."
My chest started heaving as panic set in. Severus wasn't standing in front of me; it was the cold and heartless dungeon bat. With quaking knees, I turned and strode towards the door, desperate to get away from the hurt.
From the betrayal.
From him.
I will admit that in my hasty escape, I had expected him to at least attempt to stop me. After all this time, we had finally submitted ourselves completely and willingly to each other. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that this is how it all ends. He has proven time and time again that he will leave me when times get tough. Fool me once.
As my hand grasped the door handle, I could feel his mind working overtime, trying to rifle through his emotions. A war was raging through his veins, and though I wasn't looking at him, I could see his mouth opening and closing, trying to find the willpower to say something. To say anything.
When I was sure he would lose the battle, I opened the door.
"See you in class, Professor."