The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters is listening to a podcast. Just having some fun with the whole Alberta's podcast thing! Takes place after Alberta's Descendant. Written long before I saw Whodunnit.
More Suspects Please
"What's going on?" Isaac asked as he and Nigel arrived in the kitchen to find the ghosts standing around while Sam was writing on a notepad.
"Sam is working on what to put on next on my podcast," Alberta explained. "As well as making a suspect list for my murder."
"You are never going to stop crowing about that aren't you?" Hetty sighed.
"I told you for years I was murdered and I was right!" Alberta smirked.
"Okay so far we have three main suspects in Alberta's murder," Sam pointed to a list on a piece of paper in front of her. "Alberta's boyfriend Earl, her sister Theresa and Clara Brown, a rival singer."
"Hang on," Flower blinked. "Alberta, I thought you said your boyfriend was dead at the time? Or at the very least faked his death."
"That was my other boyfriend," Alberta pointed out. "Good Time Charley Barley. He wasn't as serious as I was with Earl. We were more of a casual thing. And it turns out he really was dead at the time."
"I looked him up," Sam explained. "They found his body a few years back in another lake."
"Let's just say Charley had a lot of good times with other people's girlfriends," Alberta admitted. "So he's out. But I can't believe my own baby sister is a suspect! I mean she always wanted everything I had. But usually that was limited to things like dolls and dresses! Not my boyfriend!"
"I know how you feel Alberta," Hetty sighed. "My sister Margaret was a nightmare. She always wanted everything I had. Even though she looked horrible in my clothes and her feet were way too big for my shoes. She was envious of everything that was mine. My status. My beauty. The fact I didn't have a mustache. The only thing she didn't want that I had was Elias. Damn her."
"Think Alberta," Sam remarked. "Was there anyone else that could have wanted to murder you?"
"Al Capone's girlfriends," Alberta admitted. "But he went through so many of them they hated him more than me."
"What about Al Capone's wife?" Trevor realized. "He was married right?"
"Yeah, to Mae," Alberta nodded. "She didn't have a problem with me. Then again, I wasn't sleeping with her husband."
"Ironically," Isaac quipped.
"Hang on," Sam realized. "Alberta, you once told me that you slept with some woman's husband. Could it be possible that she found out about your affair?"
"Which one?" Alberta asked. "I slept with quite a few husbands."
"Oh, good heavens," Hetty rolled her eyes.
Trevor grinned at Alberta. "I knew there was a reason the two of us get along so well!"
"Well not all of them were on purpose!" Alberta added. "Some of them downright lied! And didn't have a ring on or a tan line where the ring should have been!"
"Yeah, that's happened to me more than once," Trevor nodded. "Mostly at Marti Gras."
"Me too!" Alberta grinned as she tapped him playfully on the shoulder. "Oh and I admit once at a funeral."
"Me too!" Trevor gasped. "This chick I hooked up with straight up lied and said it was her husband in the coffin!"
"That's what he said about his wife!" Alberta gasped. "Did you do it in the church vestibule?"
"Back of a hearse," Trevor admitted. "I had to use it as a getaway car when her hubby returned from the dead!"
Sasappis looked at Trevor. "It's a miracle you weren't murdered!"
Hetty spoke up. "So we can add some scorned wives to the list of people who wanted Alberta dead."
"I'll come up with some names later," Alberta waved. "Ooh! I just remembered someone else! One of my other most heated singing rivals! Fancy Faye Foley."
"I've never heard of her," Sam realized.
"Not surprising," Alberta shrugged. "She had a voice that would break glass. And not in a good way. The only reason she was on stage at this one club was because her husband owned it! She didn't take it well when he replaced her with me on stage."
"And I take it in the bedroom as well?" Isaac asked.
"No," Alberta nodded. "He was having an affair with the drummer in the club band."
Flower nodded. "Yeah, I can see that happening."
"Anyway, she threw the most awful tantrum when I took over," Alberta nodded. "And put her husband in the hospital. She couldn't sing but she could strike out the entire White Sox lineup. She didn't get me because I was good at ducking. She threatened to kill me too! And this was a month before I died!"
"Okay so we have another suspect," Sam wrote it down. "I'll do some research before I mention it to Todd. Anyone else?"
Alberta thought. "Well…There was this one FBI Agent. He was leaning on me heavily to rat on my boyfriend and his friends. I refused. He threatened me. Said bad things happen to people like me when they get caught up with bootleggers."
Thorfinn spoke up. "Technically he wasn't wrong."
"Nelson Campbell!" Alberta spoke up. "His name was Agent Nelson Campbell! A real mean type. I wouldn't put it past him to murder me!"
"But why?" Sasappis asked. "Why would he kill you if he wanted you to be a witness? That doesn't make sense."
"Unless…" Nigel paused. "He didn't mean to kill you. But only scare you."
"What do you mean?" Alberta asked.
"What if he put the poison in the moonshine to make you think that your boyfriend was trying to kill you?" Nigel suggested.
"So that I would think Earl was trying to kill me and turn on him?" Alberta gasped.
"Yes," Nigel nodded. "Only he miscalculated and the poison actually did kill you!"
"Or," Trevor spoke up. "Earl poisoned the moonshine and actually killed Alberta! That's a lot more likely!"
"But that is a possibility nonetheless," Isaac nodded.
"It's a longshot but still a possibility," Sam admitted as she wrote the name down. "We'll put his name down for now."
"Wow this is really turning into a good mystery," Pete said excitedly. "So many people wanted you dead Alberta!"
"That's not as supportive as you think it is Pete," Sasappis groaned.
The following day Jay and Sam were setting up the equipment for the podcast in the dining room. The ghosts were there as well. "So they can do an entire radio show right in the dining room?" Nigel asked.
"They can," Pete nodded. "It's amazing how far technology has progressed."
"Okay Sam what's on this week's agenda?" Alberta asked. "Did you find another suspect in my murder? More clues?"
"You'll have to listen to the podcast Alberta," Sam teased.
"What do you mean I have to listen to the podcast?" Alberta snapped. "I am the podcast! This is my show! I should know everything that goes on it!"
The front door slammed open. "HELLOOOOOO WOODSTONE!" Todd's voice was heard.
"Todd!" Alberta flinched.
"Uggghhhh…." The ghosts shuddered in revulsion at Todd's arrival.
"Hello Todd," Isaac quipped as Todd entered the room. "When are you leaving?"
"Not soon enough for me," Alberta groaned. "Of all the people to study me why did it have to be Todd?"
"Now this is the chap who…?" Nigel began.
"Has a tattoo of Alberta's face on his back," Isaac smirked. "Yes."
"I thought Al Capone was obsessed with me," Alberta groaned. "But Todd could give him creep lessons!"
"This guy is creepy even by ghost standards," Flower added. "And that's pretty high."
"Oh, today's podcast is going to be a good one," Todd set up his notes. "That's what I love about doing this show from Woodstone Mansion. So much inspiration I get here!"
Sasappis spoke up. "That and the free food Jay cooks for you."
Todd added. "By the way Jay I would love some of your Cheetos covered chicken if you could make some for lunch!"
"Already in the oven," Jay told him as they got ready.
"Great!" Todd grinned. "I just have enough time after the podcast to eat. I'm covering another shift later tonight at Bennigan's. Good news! This time I'm helping bartend so I might actually get some tips!"
"Here's a tip," Trevor quipped. "Get a life!"
"And move out of your mother's house!" Isaac added.
"And stop being creepy!" Alberta added.
Soon the podcast was underway. "Welcome back to the Alberta Haynes Murder Pod," Sam said cheerfully. "I'm Samantha."
"And I'm Todd," Todd added.
"And I'm Jay!" Jay added. "And we're broadcasting from the original Woodstone Mansion Bed and Breakfast. Where the Ulster County Review once described as a peaceful charming bed and breakfast…"
Isaac finished the sentence. "The last place you would expect to find a dead body in the lake."
"Hey!" Trevor protested. "It's not my fault! I didn't ask my so-called bros to throw my body in the lake!"
"No one's blaming you Trevor," Pete told him.
"Then again," Sasappis added. "If you didn't take those pills…"
"Sass! Shush!" Alberta snapped. "We're talking about me now!"
"I also like to mention that my book the Biography of Alberta Haynes can now be found in the Altoona Public Library," Todd said proudly.
"Wow, they bought your book?" Sam asked. "That's great!"
"Bought, donated…" Todd shrugged. "Same difference. But it pays to have friends on the library staff!"
"You might want to consider that option Sam," Sasappis remarked. "When your book about Isaac comes out."
"Start making checks to the library fund Sam," Trevor added. "Like right now!"
"SHUT UP!" Isaac glared at them.
"So we have three new suspects today on our podcast," Sam spoke into the microphone. "We're going to talk about Fancy Faye Foley, Lavender Brown and FBI Agent Nelson Campbell."
"Three new possible suspects with surprising connections to Alberta," Todd added. "Did they have anything to do with her death?"
"Or was it all a coincidence?" Jay jumped in. "Stay tuned to find out!"
"Sweetie there are no actual commercials on this podcast," Sam sighed. "We're going right into it."
"Why did they give Jay a microphone again?" Trevor asked.
"Todd's idea," Isaac explained. "He likes Jay and says it gives the podcast pep."
"Let's start with Fancy Faye Foley," Sam spoke up. "One of the more colorful characters of Alberta's day."
"Colorful?" Alberta snorted. "She was a pasty white lunatic!"
Todd spoke. "Faye Foley was born Faye Rae Mayton in 1891 in the town of Fritters Alabama. She married her husband Mike Foley in 1911 and had a daughter with him, Mabel. In 1920 they moved to New York state to start a new business of running a club which was their dream."
"Faye always had ambitions of being a singer," Sam added. "And her husband had made lots of money with his pharmacy business and small trust fund so they had money."
"Together they owned and operated the Coconut Club in Sullivan County," Todd added. "It was a secret speakeasy behind their pharmacy and soda shop they ran in the front. As a front for their illegal speakeasy operation obviously. However, Faye was not the chanteuse she thought she was. Apparently what descriptions we found of her singing ranged from horrible to sounding like cats being strangled."
"According to one story her voice broke glass," Sam paused. "The glass window of their pharmacy while she was screaming at a customer."
"That happened," Alberta nodded. "I saw that! And heard it! My ears were ringing for days!"
"Enter Alberta Haynes," Todd went on. "Mike Foley hired Alberta as a singer for his club for a month. Faye did not take the news well."
"That's an understatement," Alberta grumbled. "She threw everything she could get her hands on at everybody in the club!"
"Apparently Faye took it out on everyone by throwing things," Sam remarked.
"Her husband got a concussion from a lamp!" Alberta added.
"Her husband got a concussion from a lamp!" Sam parroted.
"Sounds like she had a real temper," Jay whistled.
"Al Capone had a temper," Alberta remarked. "Faye was just plain nuts!"
"Faye was…not a happy woman," Sam decided to soften the phrase.
"She threatened to murder me!" Alberta added. "Several times! After a month I left that club for a better one in New York. And not long after that well…You know?"
"She threatened to murder Alberta so many times she was forced to work at another club," Sam added. "In New York City."
"Sounds like this woman had a motive to kill Alberta," Jay remarked. "Jealousy!"
"Amen to that!" Alberta nodded.
"However, after some research," Sam added. "We found out that Fancy Faye could not have murdered Alberta Haynes!"
Alberta gasped. "What?"
Todd spoke into the microphone. "Mostly because she was in jail for murdering another singer at the time. And a drummer. With an axe."
"Are you serious?" Trevor and Jay gasped at the same time.
"Gadzooks!" Isaac gasped along with Nigel.
"Golly!" Pete gasped.
Alberta nodded. "Yeah, I can see that happening."
"She almost murdered her husband as well," Todd added. "It happened one night at the Coconut Club. A new singer, Lana LaFontaine was performing at the club. Faye's jealousy and temper got ahold of her. So she got ahold of an axe and murdered two people right on stage!"
"NO!" Alberta gasped.
"She almost murdered her husband as well," Todd added. "But he got lucky and ducked and she cut the ropes to the curtains as well! She got caught in them long enough for the police to subdue her."
"It was one of the most scandalous trials of Sullivan County," Sam added. "During the trial Faye threatened her husband aloud. And a few jurors."
Todd went on. "She also revealed several scandalous details about her husband and her neighbors! Including her husband's affair with the drummer she murdered!"
"And she also named names of several bootleggers in the area," Sam added. "One of which turned out to be the district attorney's brother!"
"Faye always was a blabbermouth," Alberta groaned.
"But that didn't save Faye," Sam went on. "It only took the jury twelve minutes to find her…Incredibly guilty. Their exact words. But that wasn't the end of this incredible story!"
Todd added. "The day Faye was supposed to be sentenced to death she herself had a heart attack and died. In the ladies' room at the courthouse! Right before her sentencing she died on the toilet!"
"That is shocking!" Jay remarked.
"Damn," Alberta whistled. "That's not a good way to go."
"Not that there are a lot of good ways to go," Pete added.
"As bad as my death was," Alberta paused. "At least I'm not haunting a bathroom for eternity!"
"Yes, Faye was one of the many interesting and colorful characters that Alberta Haynes surrounded herself with," Todd nodded. "She knew some of the most fascinating people."
"And by fascinating he means lunatics, murderers and psychopaths," Isaac quipped.
Alberta glared at him. "That sentence can also describe this group!"
Thorfinn shrugged. "She's not wrong."
"Okay so Faye's out of the running," Jay remarked. "Let's go to the next possible suspect. Lavender Brown."
"Lavender Brown was married to Robert Brown," Sam read from the list. "A pastor who had an affair with Alberta Haynes."
"Oh, good lord," Nigel gasped.
Sam added. "Apparently somehow Pastor Robert convinced Alberta that it was his wife's funeral. It was actually his mother in law's. According to my sources Alberta and Robert were caught in the church vestibule by Lavender."
"That was a very awkward funeral," Alberta groaned. "My Aunt Shirley was friends with the deceased. After she found out what happened she wouldn't talk to me for years. Which was actually not that bad if you knew Aunt Shirley."
"Apparently Alberta's Aunt Shirley was a friend of the family," Sam winced. "That's why Alberta was there in the first place. Lavender Brown also publicly threatened Alberta with murder. Right in the church."
"According to the police report we uncovered," Todd read. "She also threatened Alberta at another event a week later. During a wedding reception."
"I was asked by my cousin to sing at her wedding!" Alberta snapped. "What? I was supposed to say no?"
"Alberta was singing at her cousin's wedding," Sam explained. "Which happened to be at the same church. Lavender was not happy to see Alberta again."
"Apparently she fired off two warning shots with a shotgun," Todd read the report. "Broke a stained-glass window. She was let off with a warning however since neither her husband or Alberta didn't press any charges."
"That's because that was the last time I was at that church," Alberta remarked. "I left for New York that very week!"
"Could Lavender Brown have anything to do with Alberta's death?" Jay asked. "She certainly had motive and was angry enough to do so."
"We looked into it," Todd said. "Here's where the story gets interesting. It turns out Lavender also had nothing to do with Alberta's murder. Because it turns out she was fleeing the country to Cuba!"
"Lavender caught her husband cheating on her again," Sam explained. "With the sheriff's wife."
"Oh my God!" Isaac gasped.
"Ugghh," Hetty rolled her eyes.
"She responded by shooting him," Sam added. "Dead."
"That is usually the goal when someone shoots someone else," Thorfinn spoke up.
"According to the police report her husband received five rounds in his chest, shoulder…" Todd winced. "And groin."
"The sheriff claimed he didn't arrest her due to a clerical error," Sam said sarcastically. "And the murder wasn't reported for a week due to the same clerical error."
"In other words, he let her go," Jay realized.
"I guess he figured out she did him a favor so he returned it," Todd shrugged. "But as we tracked her history…This is where things get really interesting! Apparently, the sheriff got called on the carpet for letting Lavender go so he volunteered to go track her down."
"He left to find Lavender," Sam explained. "And a week after he left, it was discovered that half the funds from the sheriff's department had gone missing! Sheriff Robert Carton had stolen it!"
"That's not all," Todd added. "Apparently Sheriff Carton was working with the bootleggers in the area and stole some of their money too. A lot of it."
"That's unbelievable," Jay whistled.
"According to some online records," Todd explained. "He and Lavender were found working in a club in Cuba. Where Lavender worked as a singer for a while!"
"WHAT?" Alberta gasped.
"But they weren't there long," Todd added. "Somehow, they managed to evade the law and emigrate to Argentina where they changed their names to Delgado. Then they got land and started a new life as cattle ranchers. Their descendants are running that same cattle ranch to this very day!"
"That is impressive," Hetty remarked. "She shot her cheating husband and got away with it. Good for her!"
"Hang on," Alberta spoke up. "Why are Sam and Todd talking about those two if they had nothing to do with my murder? This is my podcast! Let them get their own!"
Pete explained. "Alberta, they need a certain number of episodes for the podcast to be broadcast. Plus, these are people from your life. The audience is interested in that."
"You gotta admit," Sasappis remarked. "This is some pretty juicy dirt."
"Female axe murderers, preachers straying from the pulpit," Hetty added. "Bootleggers, adulterers, thieves, sensational trials…It's practically a Woodstone family reunion."
"Okay I get it," Alberta remarked. "It's colorful filler with interesting background characters to spice things up a bit. But let's get back to me and my murder!"
"All right so we have two people who couldn't have killed Alberta," Jay spoke up. "Mostly because they were murdering other people!"
"Exactly," Sam nodded. "Which leads us to Agent Nelson Campbell of the FBI!"
"Agent Campbell worked with several well-known anti-bootlegging units," Todd went on. "He worked with Eliot Ness and was rumored to be one of J. Edgar Hoover's right-hand men!"
"So those were his friends in high places?" Alberta mused. "He mentioned something about that."
Todd went on. "Agent Campbell was a staunch supporter of Prohibition and never took a drink of alcohol in his life. He fervently believed that the FBI could stamp out the bootleggers and that the United States would remain dry forever!"
"Yeah, like that worked!" Alberta snickered.
"Agent Campbell was investigating the bootlegging operations in New York and he wanted Alberta to turn evidence about what she knew," Sam explained. "But she refused, despite Campbell leaning on her."
"Here's something shocking," Todd spoke into the microphone. "Agent Nelson Campbell disappeared the very night Alberta Haynes died!"
"WHAT?" Alberta gasped along with the ghosts.
"Oh this is getting good," Sasappis remarked.
"Could he have murdered Alberta on someone's orders and then disappear?" Jay asked. "Or did something else happen to him?"
"We have another theory," Sam said. "He was trying to get Alberta to testify as a witness. What if he put poison in the moonshine to make Alberta think that her boyfriend was trying to murder her?"
"That's a little extreme don't you think?" Jay asked.
"Agent Campbell had a reputation for being a bit heavy handed," Todd pointed out. "He once trapped a bootlegger in a sauna for over an hour before he confessed. The man almost died."
"He was nasty," Alberta shuddered.
"Campbell also once ran over a gangster's legs with a huge truck full of moonshine that he helped confiscate and then destroy," Todd added. "The gangster had to have his legs amputated. He died three days later."
"Okay so this guy could have had it in him to poison Alberta's flask," Jay shuddered.
"Did Campbell murder Haynes by accident? Or was it intentional?" Sam asked.
"There were a few members of law enforcement that secretly worked for bootleggers," Todd added. "Could Campbell have been one of them?"
"Or Alberta actually was poisoned by her boyfriend," Jay pointed out. "And Campbell's disappearance is a completely different thing."
"It would be if he hadn't completely disappeared that very day!" Todd said. "He was never found or heard from again. It's too much of a coincidence to think that something didn't happen."
"Was Alberta Haynes murdered on the orders of another mobster or bootlegger?" Sam asked. "Stay tuned listeners as we continue to uncover the clues! Until next time on the Alberta Haynes Murder Pod!"
"I say," Nigel remarked. "That show was unbelievable! Is it always like that?"
"No, sometimes show is really crazy," Thorfinn told him.
"Oh I get now what you did Sam," Alberta nodded. "Throw in some gossip and a little scandal and then reel the audience in with another shocker! Good one!"
"That was a good episode," Jay remarked. "I had no idea Alberta surrounded herself with so many crazy people."
"I'm still surrounded by crazy people," Alberta groaned as she pointed to Todd.
"But we're still no closer to finding out who killed Alberta," Sam pointed out.
"Yeah, but this time we found another mystery amid that mystery," Jay told her. "Between that and the scandals you two uncovered, your listeners will be even more hooked! I know I am!"
"The deeper we delve into Alberta's death the more mysteries we uncover," Todd said excitedly.
"Wow," Alberta realized. "My murder is way more complicated than I thought! Who would have thought a hundred-year-old murder would have been so difficult to solve?"