"Thinking of you is a poison I drink often." ― Atticus

Her eyes burned into mine. Daring me to go further. Her plump lips wet, nude and parted as ragged, almost inaudible breaths escaped. My jaw tightened as my mind raced. I tried desperately to hold on to the incredible rage that I was feeling towards her.

"Tell me…that you didn't…" I muster quietly, my voice shaky and low. Her expression doesn't change. Her face is unreadable as always. I can never tell what is going on in her head. After all of this time, she is still impossible to read. Whether she is truly happy, sad, angry…hurt…I never know. No one does. Her lack of response infuriates me. Without thinking, I slam my fist into the wall right above her head.

No reaction from her.

"Is this a fucking game to you? Am I j…a joke to you?" my voice slightly breaks, however I don't break eye contact with her. Her eyes hardened slightly. Like I've offended her. I close my eyes to calm my erraddict beating heart.

"Jade!"

"What?! What do you want me to say?!" She yells exasperated. Her tone and volume are so much louder and harsher than mine although our faces are less than six inches aways from each other. " You already seem to know everything. Why do we have to do this? Why even go through this whole routine?"

"I want to hear it from you."

"For what purpose? For what reason?" Her eyes roam around the room and then land back on face. Traveling up my features before landing on my eyes. Her eyes aren't as hard. They're almost…pleading. "It's not going to help…anything. It's just something moronic that people do in order to have some idea of peace and comfort and to fool themselves into believing that there is this grand idea of things happening for a reason and it…it doesn't."

"Jade PLEASE JUST FUCKING STOP!" I lose it and I grip her shoulders and shake her. "I don't give a fuck about why you don't want to explain yourself. You never fucking do." I can't anymore. I feel my breath escape in ragged puffs. My head swirls and I shake it. I feel sick to my stomach.

She reaches up and gently touches my face. It's so hesitant and small. I grab her hand tightly, not wanting comfort from her, and she fights me, still holding my face in her small, warm hands. I open my eyes and glare at her. My heart is completely torn and she just stares back down. I hold her hand tighter and she struggles against me, trying to take her hand back. I don't know why I am trying to keep a hold of her hand. But I am and I struggle with her for her hand. She brings up her other hand and slaps me hard across my face. That pushes me over the edge as I grab her by both of her arms and pin them down as I shove her up against the wall and yell at her.

She angrily stares back up at me as I glare down at her. Our breaths intermingle with one another's. My heart beats so fast and loud.

She's so soft beneath me.

I notice that her gaze is shifting between looking in my eyes and at my lips. Her chest is rising and falling and I can't help it when I lean down and crush my lips against hers, desperately grabbing her face and trying to get as close as possible to her.

She snakes her arms under my jacket and around my body, holding on to me tightly as my fingers travel up to her long, soft, dark hair and I pull it back aggressively. A small, throaty groans escapes her and I attack her neck. Biting and nipping at the exposed skin in a way that will definitely leave a mark. Her eyes close as her voice reaches another octave before I silence her with my own lips.

Somehow her hands have made their way underneath my shirt. I feel them roaming the bare skin of my abdomen and back. Her sharp nails scrape across my skin lightly. I feel myself begin to harden and pants become mildly uncomfortable.

It's suddenly too hot and I need to feel her bare skin against mine. I briefly pull back from her and start removing layers. She helps me with my jacket and shirt, and I rush to take off her shirt. I pause at seeing her creamy white skin and lacey dark blue bra. My thoughts are scattered and for a few moments I don't know what to do. She gives an exasperated sigh and struggles to take off her bra. The straps slide down her arms and I see the swelling of her breasts. Her hand accidentally brushes against my hardness and a wave of pleasure washes over me.

I pull her close to me and kiss her deeply. Her hands roam my body and stops at my harden dick. She starts rubbing it through my pants and I can't help but let out a low groan. I grind into her hand and my vision becomes spotty.

I'm feeling a mixture of emotions. Love, lust, anger, heartbreak, devastation, and hatred. I hate her so much right now. I hate how good she is able to make me feel. I hate her touch and softness. I hate how little of herself that she shares, or how the little bits of her are so fucking addicting that I find myself putting up with all of the massive bullshit that I go through. I hate how she calls me out on the bullshit that I put her through and makes me feel so shitty about it. I fucking hate how I am always drawn to her no matter what she does, and no matter what I do. I hate that she went too far this time. And that no matter what, we can't return from what she's done.

I grab her hair again and yank it to the side so that I can have better access to her neck and I bite down on the tender flesh hard enough to elicit a pained gasp from her.

My hands roughly move down beneath her skirt and I rub her for a few moments before I tear a hole in her thick black pantyhose and stick my finger inside. She makes an audible gasp as her muscles tenses up. I feel her wetness coats my finger and I concentrate on her clit before sticking two fingers inside her to ensure that she is properly moistened for me.

Removing my fingers from her I rip her pantyhose wider before picking her up so that she is at a perfect level for me. She fumbles with my pants before being able to get them open enough to release me. I waste no time at all finding her entrance and thrusting myself inside of her moist, hot core. Her body clenches around me at the penetration.

I give her a minute to adjust before I move around inside her, pressing her hot body against the cold wall of the empty auditorium.

Low moans and grunts filling the air. I look at her face and see that she is staring me down. Her face is a muddle of pleasure and some other unreadable emotion. Her hair and breasts bounced along with my thrusts inside her. Seeing that unreadable emotion in her eyes angers me.

I thrust harder into, trying to erase the look that looked off her face. However that doesn't dissuade the feeling and anger inside of me. I lean down to whisper into her ear.

"I really fucking hate you right now." She groans. "You fucking ruined everything." She whimpers, becoming louder and louder. "You fucking ruined us. I hate you Jade West." She writhes around in my arms and I feel her clenching my dick tightly and she freezes as she comes. I continue to pump into her until my own orgasm takes over and I groan lowly into her ear.

We stop moving and just the sounds of our heavy panting can be heard. It's only now that I am aware of my own tears on my face. I set her down so that I can wipe my face. We quietly get dressed and I grab her hand and lead her out of the auditorium and to my car in the parking lot. It's a quiet drive to her home. The weight of our future hung heavily above us. I pull to a stop in front of her house. Normally after having sex, she would spend the night with me. She hated being at home anyways, and I loved watching her unguarded.

But things are different now.

There is no coming back from what she did.

"I did it." Her quiet voice is loud in the silent car. My heart races. "I…I um…I-"

"You don't have to say it." I interrupted her. "I know."

"Beck...I'm so sorry," her voice breaks. It's so shocking that I turn and look at her and I see tears streaming down her face. I've seen her cry a total of three times in the four years that I've known her.

I reach for her and she screams, "nno, NO!" she swats my hands away and fumbles to get out of my car. I hastily try to get out after her, but I stop. I shouldn't and I can't. I need to break this cycle. We need to break this cycle. We keep hurting each other and things keep escalating. We have to stop. I look out the window at her walking quickly to her front door. I see her take several shuddering breaths and furiously wipe at her face. She takes one last deep breath before walking inside her door.

"Goodbye Jade. I love you." I say to no one as I put my car in gear and drive away.