Chapter 3: Goodbye
If there was one thing Chandler Bing hated more than anything else, it was seeing his wife in pain.
When she had first come to him, with fear and elation in her eyes, and told him she was expecting, carrying his babies, Chandler had been consumed by terror. When they had gotten married, Chandler and Monica had thought it well understood that she would not have children before the cancer ultimately took her, and so that was one dream that would be risky, even foolish to pursue.
But once she learned how there were three babies who dwelled inside her, Monica found some inner strength within anew. With her husband at her side, she had pushed through her pregnancy using little more than sheer force of will, even as the cancer spread and she began to weaken. Phoebe, who had birthed triplets as a surrogate for her brother and his wife, was a frequent presence in the Bings' Apartment 20, giving her best girl friend advice; across the hall in Apartment 19, Joey seemed to develop a kind of foresight about his dear friend and would lunge across the hall at a moment's notice to check on her, especially when Monica's husband was at work.
Now, Chandler and Monica were just past the first anniversary of their marriage, and she was now in the hospital, in labor.
It was almost a relief that she wasn't under treatment, insane as that sounded, for if she had been, Chandler was afraid chemo would have had adverse effects on the babies.
It was an induced C-section delivery, the babies being lifted out of Monica one by one.
"It's a boy…." The doctor reported.
Monica had tears streaming down her face. She was a mother at last! "Daniel…" she murmured, naming her son. Her and Chandler's son.
"…. and a girl…."
"Emma….!"
"And last but not least…. Another boy…."
Monica tenderly brushed her youngest's forehead. Turning to glance at Chandler, the man who had made all her dreams come true, her husband, her lover, her best friend and now the father of their children, she could think of no better name. After all, this was all thanks to him.
"Chandler. Chandler Jr…"
Chandler wept and fiercely kissed his wife's forehead, then her lips. "You did it, Mon. We made it!"
She nodded weakly, a content and dreamy smile on her face. "Yes, we did…." Overcome, she reared up to kiss him passionately. "... Thank you. For giving them to me."
Chandler swallowed hard. "Thank you... for giving them to me. To us."
It was a couple days later when Monica awoke from her nap. The sunshine was streaming through the window into her hospital room. Her gaze landing on the sight of her husband, reading studiously while curled up in the armchair, she smiled fondly.
As if sensing her presence, Chandler stirred. "Hey…"
Monica smirked. "Hey, you…."
Chandler crossed over and sat on the edge of her cot, brushing the sweaty bangs back from her forehead. They kissed chastely, a light peck.
"I got off the phone with your brother a little bit ago. The babies are fine, down for their nap in the apartment…"
"Hmm," Monica hummed, pleased and demurring. "Who's on duty?"
Chandler smirked. "Joey and the girls. Ross said they were trying for a zone defense."
Monica barked out a laugh, which turned into a coughing fit. Chandler passed her the cup of water on the nightstand, from which she sipped gratefully. He did a double take, spotting a book resting against the lamp. "What's this…..?"
"Phoebe brought that to me yesterday. You were down in the cantina for lunch, remember?"
Chandler thumbed through the book, grinning. "One of your favorites….?"
Monica nodded. "It's my mother's…. It's got quotes from famous people… plays and stuff…."
Chandler pursed his lips in an amused, curious grin. "Well, let's take a look…." he thumbed open to a random page. "…. 'My faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I can, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try and make a difference' ~ President Jimmy Carter."
Monica grinned, nodding encouragingly. Chandler flipped to the next page. "'What is a friend? It's a single soul dwelling in two bodies.' ~ Aristotle."
Monica pointed to the next quote. "Right there…"
"…. 'Find out who you are…. And then do it on purpose…'" Chandler chuckled. "Dolly Parton."
Monica giggled. "I always thought she was smart…."
Chandler flipped through the rest of the book listlessly. Monica watched him, enraptured. When her husband finally caught her staring, he laughed.
"What…..?"
Monica shook her head. "…. I love you…." she crooned, her eyes suddenly heavy with emotion and solemn. "More than I've ever loved anyone…."
Chandler grinned. "I love you too…" He bent and kissed her tenderly, turning back to the next quote in the book. His grin broadened thoughtfully.
"Love is always patient and kind…. It is never jealous nor boastful nor conceited… It is never rude…."
"…. Or selfish…. It does not take offense…" Monica's voice echoed him. "…. It is not resentful…." Their eyes met. Chandler grinned and set the book aside. "That's a Bible passage – seems rather ironic…."
Monica laughed brightly. "I'll admit, it has some decent stuff…" Her eyes sparkled. "But the Torah's still so much better…" She nodded, as if deciding something. "I'd like to be buried in synagogue…." She watched as Chandler's body tensed at the reminder that she would probably not be here much longer. He finally glanced to his wife and nodded heavily.
"If that's what you want, my love."
Monica nodded solemnly. "That's what I want…"
He stared at her. "… Are you scared?" he finally asked.
Monica shrugged. "To death." She said this in a deadpan quip, causing Chandler to flinch, and she chuckled. "Honey…. Lighten up….!"
"It's not funny….!" Chandler hissed in a deadly whisper.
Monica glanced away, nodding. "You know what I'm scared of the most?" He waited, on baited breath. His wife's eyes filled with tears and she stared at him helplessly. "I'm scared of not being with you…."
Chandler nearly broke right then and there, and he gathered Monica into his arms. "Oh, that'll never happen, baby….!" He cried. Recklessly, he made the vow, even as he knew he would not have the ability to fulfill it. Halting death was beyond his abilities as a father and as a husband.
When they were cried out, Monica drew back out of the embrace. She was smiling, sadly but also strangely at peace. "…. You know what I figured out today?"
"What?"
"Maybe God…. Has a bigger plan for me…. than I had for myself. Like…. this journey…. This love – love of my friends, love of my family…." She eyed Chandler intensely. "….. love for my husband….. never ends. It's as if you were sent to me because I'm sick…. You were brought to me, all those years ago, when Ross brought you home for Thanksgiving…. To show me what life can be…. To help me through this…. To make all my dreams come true…."
Flushing, Chandler grazed his thumb along Monica's cheek and closing her eyes, she leaned into his touch, pressing a kiss along his thumb. When her eyes fluttered open, she beamed at him adoringly.
"You're my angel….."
The following day, Monica was released onto hospice care.
Chandler devotedly carried his wife out of the hospital and deposited her in Grandma Buffay's taxicab. Phoebe was at the wheel. Their masseuse friend didn't speak as she ferried the couple home to Bedford Street, but Chandler thought he heard her sobbing quietly. Saw her shoulders shaking even as she kept her eyes on the road.
Joey, Rachel, Ross, and the Gellers were all waiting to help welcome Monica home to Apartment 20. Chandler carried his weakening bride up all three flights of stairs and back into their bedroom.
"We kept all the milk for the babies refrigerated, like you said…." Joey reported to Chandler, and Chandler patted his shoulder absently.
The next several days were strangely…. peaceful. The girls and Joey would bring the triplets in as often as possible. Monica's eyes would dance as she played with her little ones, watching them roll around the coverlet of her sickbed. She even got to finally achieve her dream of nursing them herself, drawing each baby to her breast. With every intake of a mother's milk, the last of her strength seemed to also drain out of her.
On her last night, Monica, the picture of calm even as she knew the end was nigh, fiercely kissed her sons and daughter goodbye on their little foreheads, one by one.
"… Goodnight, my little ones. Mama loves you…."
Each holding a baby dutifully, Rachel, Phoebe and Joey were coming apart at the seams. They all fled from the room nearly at a run, bawling. Wailing. It was several minutes before they could gather their composure and return, after putting the babies down for the night.
Monica now called her loved ones to her side, one at a time. The goodbyes were wrenching and heartfelt.
"Rachel… you were my friend when I had none, back in school. I love you as a sister… and I know you will make my brother so happy…." Rachel and Ross shared a look, then smiled softly, knowingly.
"Pheebs….. Phoebe – look at me…." When Phoebe finally did, Monica smiled. "You were the best Maid of Honor…. a wonderful roommate…."
Phoebe snorted scoffingly, the better to cover for a sob. "Until I moved out…."
Monica chuckled. "Thank you for teaching me how to live. For showing me how to be unique. Showing me what confidence is."
Phoebe pursed her lips and nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Joey was next. Monica pressed a kiss to his knuckles.
"Remember what we talked about?"
Joey nodded heavily. "I won't let anything happen to him. To them." His voice seemed to have dropped several octaves.
Monica beamed. "Thank you…" she craned up to kiss his cheek, then patted it. "Good brother-in-law…. Good godfather…." Joey grinned, touched.
Ross was utterly distraught and had to be nudged forward by the girls. Monica reared up with inborn strength and wrapped her brother in a hug.
"Take care of our family, Ross. Keep them together. …. Do you hear me?"
Ross nodded.
Jack and Judy drifted forward to hug and kiss their daughter goodbye. Words utterly failed them. Until Judy managed. "…. I'm so proud of you…. My Little Harmonica… I'm sorry I didn't say it often enough… you are the most incredible mother and the most beautiful bride…!" She trailed off in a whimper, diving for a handkerchief in her purse.
Chandler was last of all. Monica gazed at him as if he was sent from above.
"…. Hold me….. Kiss me…. one more time…."
Chandler drew her close. As husband and wife kissed goodbye, the embrace was filled with pathos. Everyone else in the room averted their gazes, out of respect, letting the spouses, the lovers, have their moment.
Chandler and Monica broke apart softly, Monica caressing her husband's face.
"You know I love you. Chandler…." She beamed. "My Chandler…." She kissed him again: on his lips, on his face, on his nose, on his mouth once more. "…. You…. and our babies…. You've made me…. so happy….." She clutched at him. "I need for you to remain happy, once I'm gone."
Chandler was already shaking his head.
"Chandler? …. If you love me, you will promise me that you will be happy. Promise me!"
"I…." Chandler broke down in tears. "I….. I promise…"
Monica relaxed, nodded, satisfied. "Thank you…. for everything…." She drew him close. "One more kiss…" Closing her eyes, her tears leaking out and falling on her husband's face like sweet rain, she pressed her lips to his in farewell. "Ross bringing you home for Thanksgiving was the best thing that ever happened to me…. It brought me to you….. And I'm thankful for that, my love…. I'm thankful….!"
Not wanting to leave her arms, Chandler clambered up onto their bed beside his wife and held her against him.
"Just hold me now…. like this…." Monica wept.
"We'd…. we'd better go…." Rachel hiccupped tonelessly, beckoning the others to the door. One by one, everyone filed out in a kind of surreal trance.
Monica nuzzled her head against Chandler's chin, resting her cheek against his strong chest. She cried softly.
"I love you. Chandler, I love you so much…..!"
"I love you too…. so much…." Chandler whispered.
Husband and wife both drifted off to sleep. Only Chandler awoke the next morning.
When he felt how his wife's body was cold to the touch, his anguished screams woke the whole house.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….!"