Chapter 23: A Lesson in Shades of Grey
Edward's POV
I rapped on the slightly ajar door of Dr. Williams's office, the gentle click of it at odds with the earlier disarray. Dr. Williams, seated behind his desk, cluttered with an array of medical journals and patient files, was surrounded by bookshelves that bore witness to his lifelong dedication to medical mastery. I approached the desk, my stance a mix of nervousness and determination. He gestured for me to enter.
"Edward, please, have a seat," Dr. Williams said, his tone steady, not reflecting the furrows of worry on his forehead. I sat, my body tense, feeling the day's burdens. "Thank you for being prompt."
He laced his fingers together, giving me a deliberate look and got straight to the point. "Let's talk about the events of today, Edward."
I met his gaze, earnest. "Yes, Dr. Williams."
"While your instinct to safeguard your patient was notable, your dismissal of James's threats raises some issues. We must always uphold professionalism, regardless of the provocation."
I felt my hands tighten then release. "Understood, Sir. It was a difficult moment."
"Indeed, the heat of the moment can overwhelm even the best of us," he conceded. "However, any sign of aggression, like your thumbs up to James, can be misinterpreted. Such gestures can aggravate situations rather than defuse them."
"I hadn't thought—"
"That's the problem," he cut in. "You didn't consider the consequences, which is something we cannot overlook. We need to be constantly mindful of our demeanor and its impact. Composure is essential at all times, with every patient, not only those we favor."
I nodded, taking in his advice. "I understand, Sir." His words were a sobering reminder.
"Edward, I'd like you to meticulously review today's incident. I expect a comprehensive write-up, detailing not just the sequence of events but also your reactions to them. Reflect on how you might have handled things differently, upholding professionalism and still being a strong advocate for Jasper," Dr. Williams directed with emphasis.
I replied promptly, "Yes, Sir."
Dr. Williams gave a nod of approval. "And remember, given the intensity of today's events, I'm here to provide support. If needed, I can arrange a session with our counseling team for you."
"Thank you, Dr. Williams. I appreciate that; the situation is quite overwhelming," I acknowledged, grateful for the offer.
"It's only human to feel that way, Edward. Now, as we talk about mentorship," Dr. Williams went on, leaning in, "bear in mind that your career will bring many challenges. How you conduct yourself in those moments is just as important as the stance you take."
"I agree."
"We offer workshops on professional boundaries and crisis management that will be invaluable for you. They're conducted by our experienced staff and will equip you with the tools you need to better navigate such situations."
"I've heard about them."
Turning his attention to the matter of Jasper's safety, Dr. Williams said, "You handled a tough situation well, yet we must now focus on Jasper's ongoing security. Let's discuss what protective measures we can implement."
I was in agreement. "I believe involving hospital security during Jasper's admission is a wise decision."
"Correct," Dr. Williams responded, tapping his pen thoughtfully. "Further, we to schedule a team meeting with security present to outline a plan."
I inhaled deeply, ready to contribute to the review process. "Understood. I will get with admin to get one scheduled."
"Also arrange a meeting with the hospital ethicist. Review the situation with them to grasp the ethical considerations of today's events. It's essential that we are as proficient in our ethical practice as we are in our clinical duties."
"I will set up that meeting," I said.
Dr. Williams's demeanor became gentler. "We must also consider your residency. Your conduct today, albeit courageous, edged close to breaching our professional standards. While there will be no formal repercussions this time, let this serve as a cautionary note on the importance of adhering to protocols."
"I had no intention of crossing any lines. My only thought was to intervene," I confessed, my tone subdued.
"Understandable," Dr. Williams acknowledged. "Yet, a significant aspect of our profession is discerning the appropriate moments and methods of intervention. As for risk management, the threats made by James are not to be taken lightly. Proper documentation and reporting are crucial to safeguard Jasper, yourself, and the institution."
"I'm ready to comply with all necessary procedures," I reiterated my commitment.
"This experience is part of your professional growth, Edward. The practice of medicine isn't always clear-cut; it's about navigating through the complexities with wisdom."
"Yes, Sir. I understand,"
"Regular self-reflection is key to understanding the impact of your actions, not just on your patients, but on your peers, your subordinates, and the culture of the institution where you work. It's how you refine your judgment and improve as both a physician and a mentor."
I took a deep breath, appreciating his words.
Dr. Williams continued, "The path of medicine is long and filled with continuous learning. Every patient, every colleague, every situation can teach you something new if you're willing to listen and reflect. The best physicians are those who never stop being students, who never stop scrutinizing their methods and motives."
"I'll make it a habit to reflect on my actions and their teaching moments," I said.
"Good," Dr. Williams replied with a nod. "Start with today. I'm going to pair you with a senior resident. I want you to observe how they handle similar situations. Notice the nuances of their interactions and how they balance firmness with diplomacy. That would be incredibly helpful to you. I want you to start leading some of the case discussions with the medical students. Put theory into practice. Teach them not just about medicine, but about the art of navigating the complex human interactions that are an integral part of our profession."
I sat up straight, inspired by the path Dr. Williams was laying out for me. "I'd be honored to take on that responsibility."
He offered a small smile. "I believe in your capacity to grow, Edward. Mentorship is a journey, and today you've taken a significant step on that path."
Despite my efforts, sleepiness was overtaking me. Exhaustion had set in from a sleepless night, and after the day's events, all I yearned for was to rest. I struggled internally, suppressing the urge to yawn outright. I was relieved that I had used the restroom before entering his office, especially as his talk seemed to stretch on interminably. I was eager for him to conclude.
"Edward, how is your grasp of ethics within our field," Dr. Williams said, adopting a contemplative tone.
I adjusted in my chair, bracing for the discussion.
"I understand ethics."
"Ethics is fundamental. It's one thing to know ethical concepts theoretically, but it's entirely another to apply them in the throes of practice, when real-time decisions have tangible outcomes."
"Of course" I responded.
"Your interaction with James brought up many ethical issues. Was the confrontation appropriate? What were the potential risks and benefits of your actions? How did what you did reflect the ethical pillars of beneficence, non-maleficence, autonomy, and justice?"
Reflecting on Dr. Williams's points, I said, "I prioritized Jasper's immediate safety, perhaps neglecting these other critical elements."
"That's often the case," he replied. "The urgency of a situation can obscure the wider ethical context. This is why it's crucial for us to examine each principle and how it factored into today's events."
"Concerning beneficence," Dr. Williams elaborated, "you sought to protect Jasper, which is commendable. Yet, we must weigh this against non-maleficence, the duty to prevent harm. Have you considered the possibility that your actions might have inadvertently brought more harm to Jasper or even to yourself and maybe even James?"
As I mulled over this delicate balance, a yawn broke through, and I quickly rubbed at my eyes, fighting the weariness that threatened my focus.
"I didn't fully consider the consequences," I admitted.
His lecture on ethics was complex, and I struggled to maintain the appearance of attentive engagement.
Dr. Williams sighed, presenting a small booklet, "I'd like you to use this ethics journal to document your reflections on the ethical aspects of each significant patient encounter. We can then review your entries in our meetings."
Accepting the journal, I sank deeper into my chair, a wave of fatigue and ennui washing over me. "Thank you, Dr. Williams. I appreciate your guidance."
He wasn't finished. "To assist you further, I've planned for you to attend a reflective practice workshop."
The prospect of additional training was overwhelming. I silently pleaded for strength to get through what seemed like an interminable process.
Jesus take the freaking wheel! I'm never going to get through with these trainings!
"The workshop is run by experts who will fine-tune your ability to reflect critically and make it a natural part of your daily practice," Dr. Williams added, undeterred by my inward plea for reprieve.
"That certainly seems worthwhile," I replied, keeping my tone earnest. "Thank you, Dr. Williams," I said, gratitude mixed with a tinge of weariness.
As the clock's ticking filled a momentary lull, Dr. Williams cleared his throat, ready to transition to the next serious topic. "Edward, the incident with Mr. James Hale today goes beyond individual learning. We must now discuss the review panel procedures our institution follows in such situations," he said, his voice carrying a blend of solemnity and support.
I sat up attentively. "I understand."
"That's good," he responded, recognizing my posture of readiness. "This panel review isn't merely about evaluating the incident. It's part of upholding the hospital's policy integrity and our commitment to excellence in patient care."
Dr. Williams advised, "In light of this incident, I'd like you to examine the relevant hospital policies. If you're not already familiar, please do so."
"I will examine them thoroughly," I assured him.
Dr. Williams continued, "Your review may also prompt additional recommendations or corrective actions to prevent future occurrences. Keep in mind, this is about improvement and growth, not punishment. Let's start gathering some information right now."
Internally, I pleaded for the ordeal to be over.
Dr. Williams stated, "We need to be thorough as we prepare for the official review."
Suppressing my frustration, I explained, "The situation began with the family witnessing James being taken to surgery and became noticeably distressed, causing a commotion on the ward. They reportedly had a violent encounter previously, resulting in Mr. Hale's ICU admission. To mitigate the disruption to our patients, I took charge to restore order."
"And what measures did you take?" he inquired.
"I attempted to defuse the tension by asking everyone to remain calm and allow me to manage the situation, while also reminding them to maintain respect for one another. When tensions rose, I had the staff escort the family to a separate area to discuss the matter. This initially seemed effective, yet the family's aggression increased."
"Did you ever feel the situation might become dangerous for you, James, or other patients?"
"The family's behavior was concerning; they appeared close to taking impulsive, possibly violent action. I did intervene vocally to halt a loud dispute with Mr. Hale that was spiraling out of control, threatening his safety."
Dr. Williams listened attentively. "Do you recognize which hospital policies apply here?"
"Yes, I should've immediately informed the floor supervisor and security at the first sign of James's distress or the guests' escalation, as per the hospital's code of conduct. Calling our behavioral response team would have been appropriate as well."
"It's vital to understand and apply these procedures," he noted. "Who else witnessed the incident?"
"Nurse Thompson was there for part of it, and Scott, the head of security, Dr. Drew, Dr. Green, along with several other staff members," I said.
"We'll need their testimonies. Any thoughts on preventing future incidents?"
I thought to myself, wishing the discussion would progress more quickly, "Enhanced de-escalation training and clearer protocols for involving supervisors might help, as would support for stressed staff."
"I value your candidness in this review," he acknowledged.
"Thank you, Dr. Williams," I replied.
Dr. Williams, poised at his desk, brought up another concern. "We need a sensitive strategy to secure Jasper's long-term well-being. Have you engaged the social work team?"
"They're ready to assess and coordinate with authorities if necessary," I confirmed.
"And for his medical care?" he probed.
"We will continue the treatment for his injuries but should also address potential psychological effects," I suggested.
He approved of the approach. "Addressing psychological trauma is crucial."
"I'll arrange for psychological support for Jasper," I assured him.
"How will we ensure follow-up after discharge?" Dr. Williams pressed.
"Regular outpatient visits and close monitoring with the social work team," I replied, understanding the importance of oversight.
"That's a comprehensive plan, Edward. I'm pleased with your holistic concern for Jasper's care."
Grateful for the recognition, I reflected, "Handling Jasper's case has underscored the need for proactive and thorough care in sensitive situations."
Dr. Williams's expression conveyed a sense of trust. "You're learning, Edward. Incidents like these—they're tough, but they're also a crucible for growth. We don't just train physicians here; we shape professionals who can handle adversity with integrity."
"Edward, let's be clear on what happens next," Dr. Williams continued. "Your actions in the coming days will be scrutinized. How you conduct yourself, both in and out of patient care, will be taken into account. We're looking for consistent, professional behavior that aligns with our policies and values."
My heart raced. "Yes, Sir. I understand."
"That's the spirit I want to see," he said, a hint of a smile breaking through his otherwise stern demeanor. "Remember, we're not just reacting to a single event. We're assessing patterns, decision-making, and the ability to apply lessons learned."
I nodded. "From here on out I will try to do my best."
Dr. Williams leaned back once more, his gaze steady. "Good. Now, let's talk about the longer-term implications. We need to safeguard against potential legal issues that could arise from the incident."
I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the next hurdle. "Legal issues? Are we expecting litigation?"
"It's always a possibility in healthcare," Dr. Williams replied solemnly. "When emotions run high, people sometimes seek legal recourse. We have to be prepared for that eventuality."
"How do we prepare for that?" I asked, eager to understand the process.
"Documentation and communication," Dr. Williams answered. "Everything you've observed, every action you've taken—make sure it's recorded accurately and communicated to the appropriate parties. And above all, maintain patient confidentiality. Breaches in that area can have serious legal consequences."
"I'll write the incident reports and ensure they are comprehensive," I assured him.
"Our legal team is here to support you, but they can only do so much. The rest is up to you—to stay vigilant, to maintain the highest professional standards, and to always put patient welfare first."
"Yes, Sir."
The hospital's HVAC system hummed softly, a serene undertone to the weighty discussion taking place in Dr. Williams's office.
"Edward, before we conclude today, there's another crucial matter we need to address," Dr. Williams said, his voice laden with seriousness. "Interdisciplinary collaboration and communication are essential, especially when the pressure mounts."
I nodded. "Reflecting on the Hale case, I can see how our team dynamics could have been stronger."
"That's right," Dr. Williams agreed. "The collective performance can greatly influence our emergency responses—not just the actions of individuals."
He pulled out a document from his desk. "The hospital has these teamwork protocols for a reason. But it's more than just following procedure; it's about building a culture of open communication and support."
I glanced over the guidelines he handed me, eyeing the section on communication drills. Regular drills, really? My inner monologue grumbled.
"Yes, that's part of it," Dr. Williams said, as if reading my mind.
Great, I thought, just what we need.
"It's also about ensuring that every member of the team, no matter their role, feels valued and heard."
"That's a valid point," I said, though the idea of more meetings wasn't thrilling.
"Good," Dr. Williams said. "Now, let's make sure we apply this to our everyday work, not only during emergencies."
His office suddenly seemed like a test of my patience rather than professionalism. I struggled to keep my eyes open and suppress a yawn.
"Edward," Dr. Williams said, his voice cutting through my drowsiness. He handed me a paper with the precision of a man who never missed a detail. "Here's what I need from you. Incident report, risk management forms—have them on my desk by 10 AM sharp, two days from now."
I eyed the list, mentally allocating blocks of time for each bureaucratic delight. "Got it. And the reviews?"
"The review on interdisciplinary collaboration will join the others in my inbox by the end of your reflection period," he added, the 'reflection period' sounding like some kind of monastic retreat.
"Will do," I replied, though in my head I was already planning the most efficient way to tackle the stack so I could catch the game tomorrow night.
He slid another form across the desk. "Sign here to acknowledge our discussion and your understanding of the next steps."
My pen danced across the paper, the ink laying down my silent promise to play nice and fix my mess.
"Edward, your cooperation is noted and appreciated. This is serious, and your professionalism here will not go unnoticed," Dr. Williams said, his eyes giving nothing away.
I stood, papers in hand—my weekend plans now resembling a thrilling novel of compliance and contrition. "I'll handle it, Dr. Williams. Thanks for the chat."
"Please sit down, Edward. We're not through yet," he said, and I could swear I heard the 'dun dun dun' of dramatic music in my head. I flopped back into the chair, faking a smile that I hoped looked like earnest dedication.
I clasped my hands, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. Yes, let's drag this out even more, I sarcastically mused.
"I'm all ears, Dr. Williams. Enlighten me," I said, managing to keep my tone respectful.
I was feigning the picture of eagerness. "Lay it on me, Doc."
"Regarding James, your vigilance was less than stellar. The second his temper flared, security should've been your new best friend," Dr. Williams said, locking eyes with me in a 'don't you dare argue' kind of way.
I nodded, thinking, Sure, and maybe I should've handed out 'I'm sorry' balloons while I was at it.
I nodded, though part of me wanted to argue. "I understand," I said, pressing the bridge of my nose as if to ward off an impending headache.
"And with James, you needed a softer touch. You were so tunnel-visioned on Jasper's needs that you let James' emotions and safety concerns slip through the cracks," he continued.
I inhaled deeply, trying not to let my irritation show. James' emotional state? The guy was one insult away from earning the middle finger.
"So you're suggesting I should've coddled James while also playing superhero for Jasper?" I asked, my tone drenched in disbelief. "Or perhaps you mean I should have given him hugs and kisses to make him feel good about those insults he was throwing at everyone. Unbelievable!"
"Watch your mouth Edward —" He said sternly.
I sighed. My eyes did a quick ceiling check without permission. James had been an absolute nightmare, and now I was getting the third degree for not babysitting the bully.
I gave my forehead another good rub, hiding a scowl. The last thing I needed was Dr. Williams channeling the spirit of my father, doling out life lessons I never signed up for.
Dr. Williams continued his lecture, blissfully unaware of my inner rebellion. The art of nodding along while plotting the quickest escape had become second nature. But one thing was clear: the next two days would be a testament to my patience and perhaps an exercise in finding new and inventive ways to stay awake through paperwork.
"Now, you have two days to deliberate on these matters and finalize the paperwork," Dr. Williams reiterated. His insistence on dragging things out was almost comical. "This entails the incident report, the risk management documentation, and an exhaustive plan for refining your reactions to these situations."
I exhaled, weary of the pedantic spiel. "All the paperwork will be ready by the deadline.
"Work with social services to secure a support network for Jasper, ensuring his protection from further jeopardy. Expect to submit that report with the rest," Dr. Williams detailed.
I noted the added chore silently. "Very well, Dr. Williams. Might I ask about my current responsibilities? Will my duties on the unit proceed as planned? And is Jasper staying under my charge?"
Dr. Williams appraised me with a thoughtful look before offering his reply. "You will retain your unit responsibilities. Regarding Jasper, we will decide in a manner that's in the patient's best interest, considering the rapport between you two."
My acknowledgement was tinged with stiffness, a silent query hovering between us.
Reading my reticence, Dr. Williams leaned in, his tone deliberate and inquisitive. "Edward, reflecting on the event and the subsequent information, I observed a... certain affinity you seem to share with Jasper. Should we delve into that? It's imperative we grasp the breadth of your involvement with him."
A surge of adrenaline sharpened my senses as his question pierced through my professional facade.
"Dr. Williams," I replied with caution, "it's true, I feel a profound compassion for Jasper. His plight strikes a chord with me, maybe more than it ought."
Dr. Williams settled back into his chair, taking in my confession. "Compassion is essential in our line of work, yet it's critical to keep a professional detachment. Are you struggling with this balance?"
I paused, my internal turmoil transparent. "I can assure you that my commitment to my professional ethics remains steadfast. I'm good with Jasper."
I lied. I was smitten by him and rapidly falling for my blonde unruly haired patient.
Dr. Williams responded thoughtfully, "Feeling a connection to our patients is natural, especially under intense circumstances. The key is to manage those emotions so they don't affect our judgment or the standard of care."
"I understand that," I replied with determination. "My personal feelings don't impact my professional responsibilities."
"I have confidence in your judgment," Dr. Williams affirmed with supportive firmness. "Our main duty is to our patients' welfare. If your connection with Jasper could bias your care, you must speak up."
"I will. Jasper's welfare is my priority."
Dr. Williams gave a nod of approval at my professionalism. "Maintain open communication with me, and we'll manage this situation with Jasper's and your best interests in mind."
Pausing to consider my next words, I then asked, "Dr. Williams, hypothetically, if I were to develop personal feelings for a patient... what should I do? And I'd like to stay on Jasper's team until his discharge, as I am committed to his care."
Dr. Williams met my gaze with a blend of understanding and caution. "Edward, personal feelings for a patient are sensitive and must be handled professionally. Sometimes, reassignment is the best option to maintain the integrity of the doctor-patient relationship."
The conversation turned to the potential future. "After Jasper is discharged, if I wanted to explore a friendship, how should I proceed?"
Dr. Williams paused, weighing the matter. "Post-discharge, and after an appropriate time, the professional boundaries change. However, caution is still necessary."
"Should you seek a post-care relationship," he counseled, "ensure a definite end to the professional aspect and that Jasper is free from any lingering power dynamics in deciding on further interactions. Your approach must be transparent and ethical."
"Thank you, Dr. Williams," I said with a composed tone, despite the turmoil within. "I will heed this advice moving forward."
"So Edward my portion of the panel review will be as follows. I mean the part I write up with my recommendations. So basically, Edward, I'm going to tell the review panel that you and I have discussed the events surrounding the altercation between the Hales and their family," Dr. Williams began, his voice carrying a weight that immediately set me on edge. "We will later discuss their findings and the implications."
"I'm looking forward to hearing the review panel's conclusions," I said.
Dr. Williams closed his folders, his expression softening. "The panel will take into account that this was your first offense and that you have otherwise demonstrated a strong commitment to patient care. Consequently, the consequences will be corrective rather than punitive. The goal here is to learn and grow from this experience, not to impede your progress as a resident student," Dr. Williams reassured me.
I exhaled a sigh of relief, grateful for the opportunity to rectify my mistakes without severe repercussions on my budding career. "Thank you, Dr. Williams."
"Edward, I am doing this for you because you have demonstrated exceptional potential in our field. Your accurate diagnosis of Jasper's condition was exemplary, and I commend you for your skill in that regard. However, it's imperative that you remain alert and mindful of the current issue. I hold deep reservations regarding Mr. James Hale, primarily due to his potential for aggression and violence. He has already made threats towards you at your workplace, which you seemed to underestimate. It's worth remembering that we have had instances where staff members have been attacked by patients, and such threats should never be taken lightly."
Dr. Williams continued, "Like we ha
Ve already discussed, your perceived indifference towards James after the incident was unacceptable and at best unprofessional. While your primary concern was understandably Jasper's well-being, we must provide equal care and attention to all patients, irrespective of their behavior. You were focused on Jasper's immediate needs and neglected to address James' appropriately."
Still don't give a fuck about that man!
I nodded, "okay." I absorbed this, growing angry by the second.
"I want you to address these issues proactively," He said resolutely. "I'd like you to apologize to James if that's appropriate,
I rolled my eyes and sighed. Once again he ignored me and kept lecturing.
"An apology to James might help in mitigating the situation, but it must be done thoughtfully and in a manner that doesn't compromise the hospital's position. We should consult with the hospital's legal team before any direct communication."
I rocked my knees side to side, tongue in cheek. I wasn't apologizing for shit.
Dr. Williams offered a supportive gesture. "Edward, every healthcare professional faces challenges and makes mistakes. What sets the best apart is their ability to learn from those mistakes and their determination to improve. Admitting your mistakes and apologizing is a proactive approach and a positive step towards a successful future in medicine."
"Mmmm. Hmmm. Yep." I said. He paused for a moment obviously realizing I wasn't giving a damn about trying to apologize to James.
"Edward, please don't be dismissive."
I nodded. "My apologies, Sir. I'm just really tired. And unless I'm forced to, I'm not apologizing to him. I'll do everything else you said and more, but he can go straight to hell."
"Edward, son gave you not heard a word I've said?"
"Yes, Sir, I heard you and I give the utmost respect to every word. I will adhere to you, but what I'm not going to do is apologize to him. I have not harmed him and he had no right to say the things he was saying to my patient or to me. I'll tell the Board that, lawyers, cops, Lottie Dottie and everybody…but I will not apologize to his sorry ass."
Dr. Williams looked taken aback and sighed.
"Edward…"
"I'm sorry Doc, but that's how I feel."
He began again, his voice even and measured, "I will offer you my honest perspective about all of this, but I urge you to remember that my observations are based on my professional interactions and the information that has been presented to me."
"Okay."
He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing. "Jasper clearly comes from a family that is fiercely protective and deeply invested in his well-being. Their language and actions, while aggressive and perhaps overzealous, stem from a place of profound concern and love for Jasper. They want to ensure he is safe and that those who have caused him harm are held accountable."
Dr. Williams took a moment to glance at me, ensuring I was absorbing his words before proceeding. "However, their approach, as you have witnessed, is confrontational and volatile. It risks crossing lines that can have legal and personal repercussions. Angry words and threats, even when coming from a place of hurt, can escalate situations and potentially undermine the very justice they seek for Jasper. Edward don't get caught up in that. Stay out of it."
He leaned forward slightly, emphasizing his next point. "As for Jasper himself, it is clear that he has endured significant trauma. His family's reaction, while extreme, is indicative of the cumulative pain and frustration they feel due to his suffering. It is a reminder of the complex dynamics that can exist within families, especially when one of their own is in crisis."
Dr. Williams sighed, a hint of sadness in his eyes. "In truth, Edward, situations like these are a stark reminder of the challenges we face in healthcare. Our role extends beyond the individual and often involves navigating the complicated waters of familial relationships. It's a sobering testament to the impact of our work on the lives of those we serve."
I nodded, taking in Dr. Williams's words. I truly appreciated the honesty and the insight into Jasper's family dynamics.
Dr. Williams concluded with a note of caution tempered with empathy. "I would advise anyone involved to proceed with caution and to seek the appropriate legal and professional guidance. It is essential to protect oneself while also advocating for the well-being of the patient. Jasper needs support, care, and a safe environment to heal. That should be your primary focus."
"Edward," he started, his tone firm yet supportive, "you are in a complex situation, but you've been given sound advice. It's evident that you care deeply about Jasper's well-being. Stay focused only on his treatment and what can be done here. Outside of medical considerations, I'm strongly cautioning you to steer away from any personal involvement with this family or Jasper. It seems dangerous. At least for a while until you see what's going to legally happen with all parties involved. Make sure you put a safe distance between you and this situation. You're young Edward. Zealous and full of energy and life. Just be careful."
Lord he sounds like Dad!
He leaned back in his chair, choosing his words carefully. "Given the severity of Jasper's situation and the involvement of his family in his current condition, it's even more important to remain vigilant about these boundaries.". Dr. Williams fixed me with a stern look, his voice demanding attention. "Edward, can you honestly continue as one of his student physicians without compromising ethical standards or your safety?"
How many times was he going to ask me this?
My response was tinged with defiance. "With all due respect, Dr. Williams, I am tired. I've been up all night and I'm exhausted. I know my duties, Dr. Williams. I don't need a lecture on ethics," I retorted, but the sharpness in Dr. Williams's eyes cut me short. "I'm a fine where Jasper is concerned. I can handle myself and I'm pretty sure I avoided being hit by the stupid truck."
"Edward, enough," Dr. Williams snapped, authority resonating in his tone. "You will do well to temper that attitude, remember who you are speaking to, and the seriousness of the situation at hand. I advise you to take a deep breath and relax. Now I'm telling you, I observed your interactions with Jasper, and I'm concerned," He continued, folding his hands on the desk. "You're a talented student, but your personal involvement is clouding your judgment."
My jaw tightened. "Again with all due respect, Dr. Williams, my concern for Jasper's personal well-being doesn't interfere with my work."
"Doesn't it?" Dr. Williams challenged. "Your emotional investment is obvious and could be a liability. You don't seem to be able to maintain the necessary detachment to make the best decisions for his care."
I leaned forward, my voice rising slightly. "That's not true. I have remained professional with him during his care at all times. I can manage my feelings. I don't see why this is being questioned now."
Dr. Williams leaned back in his chair, his gaze never wavering. "Because, Edward, it's not just about managing feelings. It's about potential conflicts of interest, about the risk of preferential treatment. Can you honestly say you're treating Jasper the same as any other patient?"
"Yes! I have not shown him favoritism. I give quality care to all of my patients."
"But you have developed feelings for one." He said bluntly. "That's a problem,"
"No it's not. Jasper's care has not been compromised in spite of the way I feel."
He seemed unconvinced. "I need you to think hard about whether you can continue in this role. It's not just your career at stake—it's the trust your patients place in you."
"I have!" My voice rose again! "I have and in telling you I can handle myself!" I swear it felt like I was talking to my Dad all over again.
"Edward lower your voice."
I was red-eyed from a sleepless night filled with turmoil, and responded with a sharp edge to my voice, "I've already said that I'm handling things just fine! Jasper's getting the care he needs, isn't that what's important?"
"Professionalism is just as important, Edward," Dr. Williams retorted, his voice firm, a clear note of admonition cutting through the tense air. "Your personal investment is a problem!" He repeated.
"No it isn't!" I scoffed. This lecturing was way past my tolerance level. "Oh, so now I'm the bad guy for actually caring? Maybe if more doctors took a personal interest, our patients would be better off!"
Dr. Williams leaned forward, the patience in his voice fraying. "This isn't about caring, Edward. It's about maintaining professional integrity as I said. Your behavior is bordering on insubordination."
My lips twisted into a bitter smile. "So, what? I'm being reprimanded for caring too much? For trying to do what's right?"
"Don't get flip with me,Edward. Watch your tone," Dr. Williams sharply warned me again, the warning clear in his voice. "I'm your mentor, not your adversary. I'm here to guide you, but you need to be willing to take a step back and look at the situation objectively."
The rebuke was rough. "I haven't slept, alright? I've been up dealing with Jasper's crises all day, and now this… it's too much."
Dr. Williams softened his stance, understanding the pressure Edward was under. "I see that, but it's no excuse for losing sight of your role and certainly not for yelling at me. You are getting real close to the edge of my patience young man. You need to go home, get some rest, and return with a clear mind. We can't afford to have you snapping at the seams—it's not good for you, and it's certainly not good for Jasper or any other patient."
The tension in Dr. Williams's office was thick as he addressed me with a firm tone, much like my father would do.
My eyes, shadowed with fatigue, met my mentor's. "You think I don't know that?" I snapped, the snarkiness a clear sign of my agitation. "I'm here because I care, because I'm not cold and detached!"
"Care with caution, Edward," Dr. Williams countered, his voice steady but edged with authority. "You have stepped over some lines."
My snarky laugh was hollow. "Step over the line? If it weren't for me, that situation could have escalated even further."
"It seemed pretty escalated to me," Dr. Williams insisted. "It's not your job to escalate or deescalate personal conflicts. You are here to provide medical care, not to get involved in personal vendettas."
I leaned forward, my voice rising. "So, I should just stand back and do nothing? Is that what you're saying?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying," Dr. Williams replied, his voice growing firmer. "But there's a difference between doing your job and getting personally involved. We can't afford to have you act on impulse. It's not professional, and it's not safe — for you or the patient."
Frustration seeped into my voice. "I didn't act on impulse for God's sake! There's a whole maniac in this hospital and here I am being raked over in the principal's office!"
"Edward, do I need to write you up?" His patience was slipping further out the window only to be washed away with the rain.
My heart stopped. Truthfully I knew he was telling the truth but I was just so aggravated with all of this.
"No, Sir."
"We can't have another incident like this, Edward."
I rolled my head. "I know this. I've already said it won't happen again."
He stared at me blankly. "Why are you upset Edward?"
I was visibly exhausted yet defiant, and responded with a sneer. "Because I can't believe I'm being reprimanded for actually giving a damn. I understand what I could have done differently but I don't understand how Jasper was negatively affected by anyone's actions other than his husband's."
"Care and concern are one thing; emotional entanglement is another," Dr. Williams stated, his voice firm and unwavering. "Your behavior is insubordinate. Look how you are responding with me now. You're defensive, agitated… you're being disrespectful son. What would your father think of your behavior if he were here? I'm sure he would be disappointed and displeased."
And he would be given me the business just like you. I don't care! I just wanted to go home and be done with this!
I threw my hands up in mock surrender. "How am I being insubordinate? I was the only one trying to keep things from getting out of hand before you got there. It's like the efforts I did make are null and void."
"Edward," Dr. Williams's voice cut through the sarcasm, sharper now, "I myself had to stop you from an outburst. That's unacceptable in any medical establishment."
I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms. "And what would you have me do? Sit back with my hands folded while that lunatic threatens people?"
"Again! Your duty is to your patient, not to police personal vendettas," Dr. Williams retorted, his tone rising to match the seriousness of the situation. "Detach yourself from the personal aspects of this."
I rolled my eyes, a smirk playing on my lips. "Detach. Right. Because that's what makes a great doctor, numbness to the world around us."
Dr. Williams slammed his hand down on the desk, standing up to assert his authority. "Enough, Edward! This isn't about numbness; it's about control and discipline. You're a doctor, not a vigilante. If you can't understand that distinction, you have no place in this hospital."
The sharpness in Dr. Williams's voice seemed to pierce through my armor. My posture deflated slightly.
"You need to go home, get some sleep, and come back tomorrow with a clearer head," Dr. Williams repeated, his tone now steady but still stern. I was surprised by his stealth patience.
"Trying to." I said with my face in my hands.
Dr. Williams fixed me with another piercing gaze, the air charged with tension. "Edward, I'm going to chalk this unruliness up to you being tired. I expect better from you."
I sat silently listening to him.
"Oh, forgive me for having a human reaction to a crisis. Maybe I missed that lesson on emotional suppression in med school."
Dr. Williams leaned forward, his voice growing sterner. "Edward…"
My retort was quick, "And what good is a doctor who doesn't fight for his patients?"
"A doctor fights with knowledge, with skill, not with fists and heated words," Dr. Williams countered sharply. "Your behavior right now needs to stop. It's quite disappointing."
I paused, my armor cracking. "I was trying to help," I muttered, though the certainty in my voice was fading.
"Helping doesn't mean intervening in every conflict," Dr. Williams replied, his tone softening slightly but still laced with authority. "It means being there for your patients, maintaining a clear head, making the right medical decisions."
I looked away, the fight draining from me. "I know... I just... I'm very sorry."
"In these walls, you're Dr. Edward, not just Edward. Do you understand the difference?" Dr. Williams said, his voice now a stern, but guiding force.
After a moment of tense silence, I nodded reluctantly. "Yes, I understand."
"Good," Dr. Williams said, nodding firmly. "Now go home, rest, and return here ready to work with a level head. And don't you ever talk to me like this again. This is your last warning, Edward. I ought to write you up for the way you have spoken to me. You are an adult and you best act like one."
I immediately halted my next words and humbled myself.
"I apologize, Dr. Williams," I began, the heaviness of the confrontation settling on my shoulders. "My conduct was during this meeting was unprofessional and I let my emotions dictate my actions, which is unacceptable. I'm sorry for being disrespectful to you."
Dr. Williams nodded, his expression softening just a touch as he listened.
"I've taken our conversation to heart," I continued. "I assure you, it won't happen again. I'm committed to upholding the standards of this hospital and to serve our patients with the calm and deliberate care they deserve."
Dr. Williams sat back, considering my words. "I appreciate your apology, Edward. But you are way out of line. I won't tolerate this. You need to learn self-control."
"I understand, and I thank you for the reminder and the opportunity to correct my course," I said, feeling the sting of humility but also the resolve to do better. "I will demonstrate the professionalism you expect, and I won't let you—or our patients—down again."
"That's what I expect to see," Dr. Williams said, giving a final nod of acknowledgment. He was fed up. "We'll move forward from here. Have a good rest, and let's see a fresh perspective."
I took a deep breath, steadying my voice. "And Dr. Williams, again I apologize for my disrespect during our conversation. It was unacceptable, and I regret that I let my frustration spill over in such a manner."
Dr. Williams regarded me for a moment, his expression unreadable at first. "Respect is the foundation of our professional relationship, Edward. I'm glad you recognize that. I respect you Edward and I am fond of you. Correct your perspective, son. And there are no hard feelings here. We're good."
"Thank you, Sir." I said, meeting his gaze. "I've always respected you not just as my superior but as a mentor. My actions earlier didn't convey that, and I am truly sorry for that lapse."
Dr. Williams gave a slight nod. "Apology accepted, Edward. Let's ensure it doesn't happen again. We both know the pressures of this job can be immense, but how we handle them is what defines us as professionals."
"I won't forget that, Dr. Williams. Thank you for your understanding and patience," I replied, grateful for the chance to mend the bridge I had nearly burned. "I'll see you later, with a clearer head and a better attitude."
"See that you do," Dr. Williams concluded, signaling the end of our meeting. "Take care, Edward."
"Okay Dr. William's. I'll see you later." I finally rose from my chair and left, feeling embarrassed that I lost my temper. I went home and grabbed a quick shower and food and crashed.
The evening had sunk into the city, with the sky turning a deep shade of twilight and stretching shadows out over the buildings. Inside my downtown apartment, I was lounging in the super plush bed my parents gave me—a real splurge at five grand, decked out with all the fancy bedding. It was my dad who really wanted me to have it. He said I'd understand why and thank him later on. Well, I got it, and trust and believe, I thanked him every time I saw him for it. He knew the value of a great night's sleep for a physician. I lay there and replayed the day's confrontation in my mind. My phone rang, puncturing the silence and my thoughts. I glanced at the caller ID; it was Dr. Williams. With a sigh, l answered.
"Hello?"
"Edward, it's Dr. Williams. I wanted to check in on you and make sure you're okay. How are you feeling?" Dr. Williams's voice was calmer now, tinged with concern.
I hesitated, my pride wrestling with the truth. "I've been better, but I'm... reflecting, like you said."
"That's good to hear," Dr. Williams replied. "Reflection is the first step toward growth. But tell me, has that reflection brought you to any conclusions?"
I laid back on my pillows, staring at the ceiling. "I guess I realized that I let things get to me more than they should. It's just that... when I see injustice or someone hurting, I jump in. It's instinct."
"Instinct is a powerful thing," Dr. Williams acknowledged. "But as a physician, you need to temper instinct with judgment. You can't allow it to dictate your actions, especially not in a hospital setting."
"I know, I know," I said, a note of frustration creeping back into my voice. "But it's hard, you know? It's hard to just stand back."
"Nobody is asking you to be indifferent," Dr. Williams said firmly. "What I want for you, Edward, is balance. You can be compassionate without compromising your professionalism."
I rubbed my temples. "Balance, right. I can maintain it."
"You can, and you will," Dr. Williams insisted. "I've seen your dedication and your talent, Edward. You have immense potential. But potential without discipline is like an unchecked fire—it can do more harm than good."
I let out a long breath, the fight gone from my voice. "I hear you. It's just... going to take some work."
"Everything worth doing does," Dr. Williams said, his voice softening. "I wouldn't push you if I didn't believe you could handle it. You're not alone in this; I'm here to help guide you."
"Thanks, Dr. Williams," I said, a genuine note of gratitude in my voice. "I'll work on it, I promise. And... I'm sorry again for my rude behavior."
"Apology accepted. There are no hard feelings between us. You're okay. I hear and understand your frustration. I meant what I said. I want you to be careful and remember what I said about staying safe in this volatile situation." Dr. Williams replied. "Now, get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day, and we've got a lot of work to do. We'll talk more when you're back at the hospital."
"Will do," I said, feeling a sense of resolve building within me. "Goodnight, Dr. Williams."
"Goodnight, Edward."
The line went dead, and I set the phone down, my mind a little clearer. Dr. Williams's words had struck a chord, and for the first time that day, I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, I could find that elusive balance between my passion for medicine and the discipline required of a good physician.
I felt a mix of emotions swirling within me. I knew I needed another perspective to help me process everything, and there was one person I always turned to in times like this—my Dad. He probably was going to wonder why I was calling him yet again today, but I did it anyway. I was hoping that he wouldn't give me another lecture because I had already had two today, including the one I had with him.
"Hey, Dad, it's me," I said as the call connected.
"Hey, son! What's up?" My father's voice boomed with warmth.
"You working?" I asked him.
"No. I'm actually off work for a few days. Your Mom and I went to dinner and a movie earlier and then we came home and relaxed. She's saying to tell you hi."
"Tell her I said hi and I love her." He did and she reciprocated.
"How are you, son. Feeling better? How was the rest of your shift?"
"Not so great, actually," I admitted, sinking deeper into the bed. "Had a bit of an incident at the hospital."
My father's tone shifted to concern. "What kind of incident?"
I recounted the events, explaining my heated reaction to the situation with James and his family, and how it had led to a serious two hour conversation with Dr. Williams. I didn't leave out any details, including the part where I was seriously reprimanded for my lack of professional detachment and rudeness to Dr. Williams.
There was a brief silence on the line before my Dad responded. "Sounds like you let your temper get the better of you, son."
I winced. "Yeah, I did. Dr. Williams gave me the business about maintaining professional boundaries. It was tough to hear, but...ugh! He actually just called me to check on me. Which is a good sign. Everything is good now. He really likes me and thank God he understands. He was just kept going on and on in that meeting and I was so over it. I lost it on him. I apologized to him but he let me know straight up to get my life right and don't be talking to him crazy again."
"Hmmm." He sighed. I knew there was an 'I told you' so or an 'Edward you know better' somewhere up in that but he held his tongue. He was probably trying to deter another perceived argument. Honestly, I wasn't going to do that. I was humbled now.
"Go ahead and say it. Edward, I told you so."
My Dad's voice softened. He sighed heavily. "Edward, you've got a big heart. It's one of your best qualities, but it can also be your Achilles heel if you're not careful."
"I know, Dad. It's just hard to find that balance," I confessed, feeling the frustration bubble up again. "Like we talked about earlier."
"Balance is key," Dad agreed. "You've got to learn to channel that passion into your work without letting it control you. Dr. Williams sounds like he's got your best interests at heart…and very patient with that temper of yours."
I sighed. "He is and does. He's a good mentor. He told me potential without discipline is like an unchecked fire. I can't stop thinking about that. I feel like he wants me to succeed and he really understands why I lost it."
"It's a good analogy," He said thoughtfully. "You've always been quick to jump into the fray, stand up for what's right. That's commendable, but in medicine, you've got to be the steady hand, not the shaking one."
I nodded to himself, absorbing my father's words. "I get it. It's just going to take some work to... I don't know, recalibrate how I approach things."
"Reboot the system, eh? I can get behind that," my dad snickered. "Tripping up is part of the dance, Bud. Just make sure it's a step forward, not off the stage. Keep that spark alive, but don't burn the house down. Time to put a leash on that little flip mouth of yours." He chastised. "How many times have I told you about that mouth?"
"I saw it coming—the classic 'I told you so' moment."
"Well did you learn your lesson?" He asked. "Or should I start hunting for my belt?" he teased.
I burst out laughing. It had been ages since his belt had made an appearance. "All good here. I got the lesson."
"Confident, are we? Seems like Dr. Williams might need a hand giving my rebel child a crash course in manners."
"I'm good." I laughed again. "After his verbal marathon, I'm probably set for life."
"Well, that's good to hear. I don't want to have to come to Seattle and tear your ass up about showing out down there."
"No, Sir. Definitely don't want that. Understood, loud and clear."
He let out a laugh. "Ah, Bud. It's a relief we've moved beyond the 'belt era.' You've got the reins now. And you're shaping up to be one heck of a doctor."
A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth for the first time this evening. "Thanks, Dad. I needed to hear that."
"Anytime, son. And remember, I'm here for you when you need to talk," he said warmly.
"Will do. I'll keep you posted. I love you, Dad. Goodnight, Dad."
"Love you too. Goodnight, Edward. Take care of yourself. And Edward, don't be too hard on yourself. Finding your footing takes time, and it's alright to reach out when you're struggling. You're dedicated and smart; you'll figure this out. Just remember, the best doctors are those who keep learning, not just from books, but from their experiences and their missteps. Keep your head up, and keep moving forward. You've got this."
"Thanks, Dad. You're the best."
"You're welcome, Son. Take care."
"Okay you too."
We ended the call, I felt a renewed sense of purpose. The conversations with Dr. Williams and my Dad had provided me with a clearer vision of what I needed to do. Both men had offered their guidance, and now it was up to me to apply it. With my father's supportive words echoing in my mind, I felt ready to face the challenges ahead.
Alone in my room, I took out a notepad. The words of Dr. Williams and my dad had kept bouncing around in my head, igniting some serious self-reflection. I scribbled down thoughts, piecing together the puzzle from what Dr. Williams had pointed out.
Gratitude for Dr. Williams's guidance washed over me; seeking advice isn't a sign of weakness but of wisdom. I planned to absorb as much as I could from the seasoned hospital staff. My resolve to support Jasper hadn't wavered, but I knew I had to adhere to protocol. I was set to delve into the hospital's policies on involving security and legal aid to ensure the safety of patients like him within the system.
My mind wandered as I watched the night sky from my bedroom window. My earlier conversation with Jasper's father had sparked something exciting and hopeful within me—a vision of a life far removed from the sterile walls of the hospital. It was a rare moment of personal indulgence, a daydream where professional boundaries blurred into the colors of potential tomorrows.
In this quiet corner of my imagination, I saw myself years from now, standing in a sunlit backyard, the sound of laughter filling the air. I envisioned Jasper there, his smile brighter than ever, chasing after a couple of energetic kids with wild blonde curly hair—or maybe they had my own chestnut brown locks. Either way, they were beautiful, a perfect blend of the two men who adored them.
I could almost hear the pitter-patter of little feet on the wooden floor of a home filled with love, photographs lining the walls capturing moments of joy: birthdays, holidays, and everyday triumphs. I imagined quiet evenings after the kids had gone to bed, sitting next to Jasper on a cozy couch, our fingers intertwined, speaking volumes without words.
But then reality seeped back in, pulling me from my reverie. The future was a canvas yet to be painted, and there were ethical lines I hadn't crossed. I cared deeply for Jasper, but I was still his doctor, and Jasper was my patient. Such thoughts, however sweet and well-intentioned, were premature and fraught with complications.
With a heavy sigh, I reminded myself of my responsibilities. I had a duty to maintain a professional distance, to ensure that Jasper received the best care possible without the interference of personal feelings. Jasper's well-being was paramount, and my role was to support him through his recovery, not to weave dreams of a shared future.
Still, the warmth of the conversation with Jasper's father lingered, a comforting thought that, perhaps in another time and place, those dreams could become reality. For now, I would tuck them away, a private hope to revisit when the time was right.
With determination, I steered my thoughts back to the present. I had a patient to care for, a residency to complete, and a professional path to forge. The future, with all its uncertainties and promises, would have to wait. But deep down, I knew that no matter what happened, I would always cherish the hope of what could be, the image of a family that might one day include Jasper, and the laughter of children with hair of blonde or brown, painting our lives with the vibrant hues of love.