Tekeshi had found the clearing he was in by chance. He didn't go there that often, only when he was troubled and needed to clear his mind. As far as he could tell, no one else ever went there, or if they did they avoided disturbing the ground litter noticeably.
He felt bad for not letting Utsuki know about it, but as much as he loved her, he did need time to clear his thoughts alone every once in a while. Plus him going through ceremonial blade dances with a sword that made a razor look like it didn't have an edge wasn't that safe for her to be around. So, he loved her enough to not tell her, because he knew she would want to watch for sure.
Originally he had just laid out in the center and stared at the sky, obviously not having a sword at the time. Since he had come into possession of Jakkasu, he had dusted off all the teachings his mother had given him as a child. Like her he didn't really care for fighting with weapons most of the time, but there were times when showing off the highly technical moves, that while unfit for fighting, showed how skilled and athletic a vampire could be. Also it was a really good workout, and left no muscle group untouched.
'You are really afraid. I almost didn't believe it at first, but I know that you really can't hide anything from me. Do you want to talk about it,' Jakkasu seemed, different than usual.
'Not particularly,' came the reply.
'Master, Tekeshi, does it even really matter what I call you? I don't know if I really have the greatest command of how people actually feel, but I know what fear is. I can feel the cold that it creates in a person's soul. You are worried about both losing the girl, and her losing you, I'm guessing," the blade seemed to be, gentler.
Tekeshi stopped in the middle of the kata he was in, 'Isn't that normal? Honestly I am terrified of what might happen. 'Suki means so much to me, and the thought of her being there, I can't get my thoughts straight on it. Part of me wants to lock her in some kind of cage away from the battlefield so that I know she can't be put in danger, but I know that if we lose, none of that would matter. I know that I am supposed to be the cold battle hungry vampire, the Son of the House of Shuzen, but none of that matters to me anymore. I don't want to be the heir of the house, I just, I kinda want to be like my grandparents, Dad's parents.'
'I don't know much about them.'
'Grandfather and Grandmother Aono are just, humans. They don't have any kind of yokai blood to them. Grandfather is the head of an investment firm that Mom's father started. He doesn't do that much work anymore, but he is considered, good, at what he does. Grandmother, is just a housewife. But, just, the idea of me and 'Suki living a nice quiet life in a suburb, disconnected from all of this life. I like the thought of it, no, I want nothing more than that. Most of my life, I have been so stuck on being the badass that my family is known for. I always wanted to make up for being weak. Now that, I have started to become stronger, I don't care anymore. I actually have something that I can live for. Someone that I can live for. I haven't thought about how things are going to work with Deess in the mix, but, it doesn't matter. Not as long as I have Utsuki,' He couldn't stop himself once he got started.
'It sounds like a great thing to want. Would you run away with her, ignore this battle, forget about this war,' the blade asked him.
'Even beyond being a vampire, no. This battle has far reaching consequences. Ones that would affect her, and me. Ones they will affect everyone in my family. If I took her and ran, it would eventually catch up to us, and I might not be strong enough to protect her by myself. Ever since I saw Mom go down, I have been worried about that. Her and Dad, they were supposed to be invincible, but it turns out, they aren't. I doubt I will ever come close to them, not even if I live five hundred years. What if they have something that could bring them down permanently? As much as I don't want to admit that they are right, they are. I know how to work with smalls groups to strike in a precise manner. I don't know how to command, but I know how to work with people. I'm hoping all this excess brainpower I have that loves figuring out fighting, also can figure out how to be commanding officer. Jakkasu,' Tekeshi gripped the weapon tightly.
'If you want to know if there is anything I can do to help, I don't think there is. I am a weapon. I am only there to be used by the hand of my wielder. I don't understand the purpose behind me being able to communicate with my wielder, or if it was something that came along after some time. All of them have been supernatural, given that I feed off yoki. None have been as strong as you that I know of. I don't know what happened to most of them. I figure that all my previous ones are fertilizer by now I do know, that in this short time we have been together, you have shown more to yourself, than any other. You care about people, not ruling them. I don't know about you, but I think that is a great start to make a commander.'
Tekeshi stood there letting what the sword said sink in. He really couldn't find anything to argue with. He looked up to the sky. It was strange to think that this wasn't the same sky that he had lived under most of his life. Though it wasn't unique. He hadn't seen too many, but he knew there other pocket dimension like things that existed as homes for many yokai that couldn't live among humans for whatever reason.
"I wonder if there was a time that we didn't have to live like this," he asked out loud.
"Are you ok, Tekeshi," Akasha came into sight sitting on a fallen tree near the tree line.
"Hey Grandma. I'm not. Short story...," he started.
"Tsukune and Moka put you in a position they should never have put you in," she said, displeasure evident in her voice.
"I guess we can somewhat agree on that," he replied.
"Even I was never so callous to lead a child into battle. Well, maybe I shouldn't say that, as you would have already been considered an adult when I was your age. Still, to put someone who has no experience commanding into such a position, even they should know better. I can only imagine how scared you must be. Would you sit down next to me for a while," her voice softened.
"Yeah," as he sat next to her he asked, "So, do you think that I can do it? Or do you think I need to tell them I can't?"
"I think, honestly, that they should leave all of you children out of this. They should give you a chance to grow up, before they place you on the killing fields. Do I have confidence in you to do it? I do," Akasha gave as smile as she turned her head toward him.
"I am scared," he closed his eyes.
"That tells me you can do this. Tekeshi, fear isn't a bad thing. Fear makes you think. Going into battle without fear is how you end up dead, or getting people killed. You care, not just about a few, but you tend to care about people no matter what. How many times have you stood up for someone, even with no gain to you, and no reason? Truthfully, command is mostly just knowing how to tell people what to do. Leading, is making sure they come back alive from what you tell them to do. I have seen many commanders, but precious few leaders in my time. Who are you most worried about," she looked up to the sky as he had earlier.
"'Suki. If I lose her..." he trailed off, not sure of how to continue.
"I can understand. I never fought on the same field as Issa. If I had, I may have felt the same. I know the fear I had concerning your mother when she was sick as a child. I know it saved her, but I regret giving her blood, knowing what it caused. Tekeshi, I can't tell you that everything will be ok, cause it won't. People will die, possibly people you care about deeply, that is the nature of war. All I can tell you, is that no matter what happens, cherish the memories of the fallen. Because those are the one thing that will always remain when their spirit has passed from this world," the sad note in her voice rang with centuries of pain.
"Grandma, I, don't know if I would even come out myself if I lose her. Disregarding all the stuff concerning the heartsworn stuff, I have never had feelings this strong for anything. Right now, the foremost thing on my mind, is how do I make sure that she lives, even if I don't. That has been on my mind since I left that room. She is causing me more turmoil than the thought of the Mongrels being in harms way. At least with them, I know they are aware of the stakes of fighting. I, wonder how none of them died with the things we got up to. Then, I know that all the girls were taught to fight. I know there isn't any way that they would let themselves be left out with me going into the fray. I, am, I am worried about all of them, but I trust them to do their best. 'Suki, doesn't have that, and Deess, is just one demon. There is a limit to how much she can do to protect her," he opened his eyes to look down at his own hands, "and what if something happens, and... what if I am the one that ends up killing her in the heat of things?"
Akasha took a deep breath, at least is sounded like it, and turn her face to him again, "I know, that you fear hurting her. Ever since you came close all those months ago, you have been afraid of that. You are afraid of losing control of yourself, and more afraid of losing her now. Tekeshi, you have to have confidence in yourself, even if you have doubts. I know it sounds strange, but the more confidence you have in yourself, the more others will have in you, and themselves. The more confidence they have, the better the chance they come out alive at the end of this."
'She is right. I can tell how messed up this has you. You need to straighten yourself out, for everybody's sake. Messy thoughts, make messy actions. What you are going to be going into, it won't give you any leeway,' there weren't any jokes now, the blade knew this wasn't the time or place.
"Grandma, I want this to be over. I wish that I never had to be involved with any of it. I don't even know if I can fight like this. I don't even know how many people I will have under me, or how long I will have to try to figure this out. Like I told 'Suki, I am best used as a blunt object to achieve an objective, not a scalpel to achieve a goal. Three days is what he said at the meeting, at least until we meet at the war camp. God, a god damn war camp in this century. What is this world coming to?"
Akasha looked at the boy, "Tekeshi, just breathe. Just remember this, your blade may be the only thing standing between her, and a grave. If your heart wavers, your weapon will, and you will fail to protect her. Steady yourself, and your enemies will be dashed upon your will like waves upon the cliff."
"Grandma, I love you, but that was the dumbest thing I think I have ever heard to try to help someone calm themselves on the eve of a war, though due to sample size, it is also the smartest. You had hundreds of years to come to term with the realities of war, I have never been to war. Aunt Ruby," Akasha faded away as the witch wheeled herself into the, rather remote clearing.
"Tekeshi, what are you doing out here," Ruby asked, confused as to how he knew about the place.
"I just found the place not long after school started, and I come out here when I have something on my mind," he replied.
"Well, would you like some tea," she asked as she wheeled her chair to face toward the center and pulled her wand from beside her.
"Tea? Where are we getting tea," his question was answered shortly.
Ruby held her wand out, and the end seemed to vibrate. An electric charge filled the air as something started to reveal itself in the center, where Tekeshi knew that there shouldn't have been any kind of solid object. Seconds passed and a large gazebo like structure appeared. He could hardly believe his eyes.
"Ah, perfect. I was a little worried I wasn't quite strong enough to bring it back into reality yet. Hmm, I may have to modify something real quick," she looked between the structure and her chair for a second.
Holding the wand out again, an elegant ramp formed around it, replacing the steps that lead up into the interior. Tekeshi knew witches were capable of incredible things, but he wasn't aware that they could hide something like he saw, just out of phase with reality.
"Aunt Ruby, what it is all of this?"
"Oh, this is where I used to drink tea and relax for much the same reasons as you. I even made the clearing itself. I was much healthier, and less controlled at one point. Still, a little refinement never hurt anyone. Would you mind helping me up to the table in there," she asked as she looked at the ramp.
"Oh, yeah, no problem," he grabbed onto the handles at the back of the chair.
Ruby seemed to tell that he was upset about something as they walked around the ramp and into the structure. She didn't say anything though, trying to find the best way to broach the subject of what could be wrong as she rolled herself over to a small stove and worked to build a small fire in it to start a kettle of water boiling. As much as she wished otherwise, she didn't know the Tekeshi that was a teenager all that well. It had only been a few short months that she had been back.
"Tekeshi, I don't, I don't know you as well as I wish I did. I can still tell that you are having a major crisis in your head. I don't want to make it seem like I am prying, but if I can help in any way, please just say something. What kind of tea do you prefer, jasmine or, oh I have konacha, well I forgot about that," she said as he looked around.
Tekeshi grimaced as he turned to her, "I don't really drink tea. As far as what is going on in my head, its about this whole war thing I am about to fight in. In a couple of days I am going to be in a war camp, a few hundred years after those went out of style, and be put in command of a combat unit. I don't know if I am going to have time to come to terms with it, and be able to lead people, and make sure they survive."
"That does sound like a reasonable thing to be having a complete mental breakdown over. Honestly, if you aren't having a complete mental breakdown about going to war overall, then something is wrong with you. War isn't something that should be comfortable, it is horrible. It should always remain a last resort in handling things. Sadly, there has never been another option to deal with Fairy Tale. Though I don't like the fighting, I wish I was in a condition to join all of you, but, things like this are why there is no other option on how to deal with them. They don't care about how people see them, and because of that, they are willing to do completely horrible things. As much as I love Amethyst, how she was conceived, will give me nightmares until the day that I die. If anyone was to try to hurt her, or to take her away from me, then any witnesses to what I would do, would have nightmares for the rest of their lives. Tekeshi, I heard a little of what you had done in America, so the fact that you are feeling fear, rather than anticipation, makes me think that you have more of your father in you, than your mother," she watched the kettle as it started to let off a slight amount of steam.
"I'm not necessarily proud of all of that. Am I proud that I protected people, even if the way I went about it was horrible? Yes. I have heard someone say that there must be those that sin, so that others may live in peace," he tried to remember where he had heard the line.
"Hm, that is a very profound thought. So here is the question; If the act was for a good reason, was the act itself horrible," she had hoped that a watched pot never boiled didn't apply to kettle, but it seemed that it did.
"Uh, is burying a guy alive with a flashlight and a hand grenade anything but horrible," Tekeshi asked with a raised eyebrow.
Ruby had to turn her chair to face him, "You can't seriously have done that?"
"He kidnapped a couple of my classmates to sell to a cartel for sex slaves. The whole ring went down, but he got a special punishment. I wonder if he actually pulled the pin, or died of hypoxia. Still, that was more an act of cruelty, for the sake of my own satisfaction. I found the idea of what he was doing as completely heinous, and depraved. Sadly, me and my friends were worse when we caught him. I still hear the scratching and the yelling, even muffled as it was in the box he was in," a dark look seemed to fill the teenagers eyes as he recounted the event.
A slight shiver went down Ruby's back, "I forget that vampires are by nature, some degree of evil. The willingness for slaughter and cruelty, is something I doubt I will ever get comfortable with. Still though, if you need something to remind yourself why you are going to war, remember that man, and that Fairy Tale will do much worse if they win."
"Aunt Ruby, I wish I could have done something for you, before I was able to. I, hate what I did to rescue you. I don't know why, but, even though I know that they were enemies to every good person, I don't know if Harumi and I were right to kill all but those two. I keep thinking about it. Every time before, when I was part of a slaughter, I was being attacked. When we did that, we attacked them, and barely gave them a chance to defend themselves. How can I say, that we are any better, when I know I have done, isn't that different."
The kettle started to whistle as the steam built up pressure, but she let it go to give the boy a hug, "The difference is, you didn't do it for yourself. The people in Fairy Tale are selfish, and power hungry. They hurt people to fulfill that. Humans and Yokai both. You didn't attack them, for yourself, you came to rescue me. Something that I never thought would happen. I had resigned myself to someday being thrown away like garbage, especially given how little meat I had on my bones when you came. You gave me and Amethyst something that we might not have had otherwise, a chance to actually live. When you go into battle, think of it like this, you aren't there to kill, you are there to make sure no one else is deprived a chance to live."
Tekeshi sat silently after she said that. She knew that it would be better to let him think for a while, so she prepared her tea. It was such a simple thing, tea, but it held so much peace to the process of making it. As she watched it steep, she let a few silent tears of happiness slip down her cheeks, fully realizing how good a man he was growing into. A man with his mother's fire and force, and his father's humanity and love.
She felt his arms encircle her as he spoke quietly in her ear, "Thank you Aunt Ruby. Even if I am not sure how, you gave me the peace of mind to go through with this. Please enjoy your tea," and with that, he walked away.
As the tea finished its steep, she took a deep breath, "I hope I can have peace, if any of you don't return."