AN: This was supposed to be the epilogue, but I rewrote it because I felt like more of the story needed to be told. More to come.
Myron had arranged for care for me, and a physician's assistant he worked with at the local hospital agreed to see me confidentially. Edward had accompanied me to my appointment, along with Myron, and I finally had someone to check the progress of the healing bullet wound in my shoulder. I was given a complete physical and full blood work to check for any complications from the drugs I had been given and abuse I had suffered while in captivity, and during that visit I found out that I was pregnant. It couldn't have come at a worse time, and all I could do was think back to the one shower encounter Eric and I had the evening that I was kidnapped from Dauntless. I had tearfully explained my worry to the PA, with Myron sitting next to me offering his support. I had been drugged, beaten, and starved while in captivity for almost a month, the entire time not knowing I was pregnant. An ultrasound and sophisticated testing proved the pregnancy was intact and healthy.
My mental health was a different story. After an intense conversation with Myron, I finally relented and agreed I needed time to heal both physically and mentally before going back to Chicago. With his support, I also was gathering the courage to tell Eric about the pregnancy. I still had a lot of questions that Myron couldn't completely answer, and I wasn't sure if I trusted Eric to answer them truthfully. Trusting him had gotten me hurt thus far, and as much as my heart ached for him my brain told me to let him go. What made it more difficult was the dependency I had on him. The nightmares had started immediately, and that first night when Eric came into my room to comfort me, I clung to him, and he somehow got me calmed down enough to sleep. That was over a week ago, and every evening like clockwork he took me to bed, crawled in with me and secured me in his arms until I could calm myself down enough to sleep. I woke up wrapped around him every morning, and throughout the day I would find myself gravitating towards him to feel safe. However, I still couldn't find a way to tell him about the pregnancy.
The first conversation I had with Tobias was difficult. I knew I needed to talk to him to get him in contact with Edward, especially since Edward was completely committed to bringing Evelyn down. We didn't address the elephant in the room, but I could tell that Tobias knew with certainty that Eric was with me, and he gave me enough context clues to let me know that Jack Kang was actively looking to arrest Eric. Tobias also shared that he had to confess to his own previous involvement with his mother under truth serum, and that he had also been facing faction traitor charges, but his status, behavior, and the fact that his mother was drugging him cleared him of any wrongdoing. He didn't believe Eric would be so lucky, especially since Eric had readily admitted he was initially cooperating with Jeanine until he realized it would be in his best interest to turn her in, and the current issue of him breaking rank to find me had put him in a precarious position with the city government.
"If he's found, what will happen?" I asked hesitantly.
"He will be arrested and put on trial." Tobias replied.
"And then what happens?"
I could hear him sigh through the phone, "I don't know."
"But you do, don't you? Is that what you want, Tobias? Do you want him dead too?" I asked through tears.
"I think he's suffered enough." Tobias finally said, and I wiped the rogue tears from my face.
Tobias finally agreed to travel to Milwaukee with truth serum so he could personally interview Edward, which was happening with Myron at his office. I knew they were going to be coming back to the apartment afterward, and I had been anxiously awaiting his arrival. I had expected Eric to run, to find somewhere to hide so his own freedom wouldn't be compromised, but to my utter shock he waited by my side in the apartment for Tobias to arrive.
"You're going to wear a hole in the carpet with your pacing." He'd said quietly as I moved around the living room, "Tris, can you come sit with me?"
"How are you so calm?" I ask.
"Worrying at this juncture is pointless." He retorted, "Edward seems solid, he's been talking to Four all week. I don't think there will be any issue with Four letting him come back to help. It's me that's the issue, not Edward."
"You're going to be arrested." I said without looking at him.
"I deserve to be." He threw it out.
I stopped pacing and met his grey eyes, "Everyone else that cooperated with Jeanine was executed."
He nods, "I know."
"You're willing to just die, Eric? Is that what you want? Because you could have certainly stayed in Chicago if you were on a suicide mission." I replied angrily.
"I needed to get to you."
"Was it about me, or was it about covering your own ass because you knew that Evelyn could bring you down with her?" I finally ask and to his credit he doesn't even flinch.
"Everything I have done since being home has been for you, Tris. I know I have fucked up in more ways than one could even begin to understand, but I need you to believe me when I tell you I love you, and that anything I have done since being back in this city is to prove to you that I have changed. If facing my crimes is what needs to happen, I'll do it." He replies evenly.
"Even if you die?" I ask.
"I don't want it to come to that, but I can't keep running from my past. If that's the punishment the city believes I deserve, I need to honor it." He said quietly.
I stop pacing and stare at him, feeling the tears that I have no chance of stopping, "I'm pregnant," I tell him, and his eyes widen, "I can't do this without you. I am angry at you, I'm hurt, I'm disappointed and I know I told you numerous times that no matter what you were guilty of then, it's not who you are now, and I'm going back on that. I hate what we've become, but I love you, and now I'm having your baby, and I don't know what the fuck to do."
He stands up and walks across the room to me, "I love you."
"Love isn't our problem," I sob, and he reaches for me. I put a hand up to stop him, and he drops his arms to his side, "it's never been our problem. I know that you love me, and I love you too Eric, so fucking much, but this isn't what we expected to happen."
"I had a good idea of what would eventually happen, but I am a selfish man, and I wanted you too much. I changed because it's the right thing to do, but you are who led me to that realization. I want a life with you, I was telling you the truth when I said I wanted marriage and kids with you, that's not changing. I don't want to die, Tris, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes for you to be able to live your life and be happy again."
The beeps from the keypad interrupt our conversation, and I look over at Eric. Tobias knows he's here, but hasn't asked me to confirm, and I have no idea how this will go if they are actually face-to-face.
"Hide."
"Tris-" Eric begins but I push him towards the hall.
"Go to our room, now." I reply and Eric shakes his head, but to my surprise he listens, and he has the bedroom door closed before the front door opens.
Myron enters the room first, glancing around for Eric, I assume. Edward and Tobias are engaged in conversation behind him, and when Tobias's dark brown eyes meet mine, his face softens, and he smiles his familiar lopsided grin briefly before approaching me.
"It's good to see you." He says softly and he reaches for my face, wiping the stray tears, "I'm not here for him."
"What's going to happen?" I ask and Myron watches the interaction between us intently.
"Edward will be coming back to Chicago with me. I believe he will be instrumental in dismantling what is left of the factionless rebels. Evelyn is still at large; however, we are in the process of negotiating a peaceful transition with her representatives." He replies.
"Then why do you need Edward?" I ask.
"Because we only know that she's in the city, not where she is. Edward can help us smoke her out."
"So could Eric." I say and Tobias nods his head.
"I know."
Myron ends up taking a phone call and disappearing down the hall to his home office. It's the room that Eric is supposed to be staying in, however he's not once slept on the pull-out couch in there since we've been in Milwaukee. Edward is packing in his own room, leaving us alone to continue our conversation.
"What will happen to him?" I ask, and Tobias meets my eyes again, knowing exactly who I'm asking about.
He takes a deep breath and exhales through his nose, "The issue with Eric isn't personal. He should stop hiding and just talk to me."
"He would have, however I told him to hide."
Tobias pulls out a chair and gestures for me to sit, and then he takes the chair across from me, "What's going through your head?"
"I'm pregnant. It's Eric's."
He closes his eyes and sighs, scrubbing his hand across his face, "You're kidding me, right? You've been here a week, how…?"
"It happened before. The pregnancy is intact, and outside of this," I gesture towards my shoulder, "I am okay, physically. Mentally I am losing my shit, which Myron is trying hard to help me with, but knowing that the man I love, the father of my baby… that he could be executed… Tobias, just tell me."
"I already told you, I'm not here for Eric. Let me get Evelyn in custody, and the rest of her followers taken care of, then I can do some damage control."
"What is going to happen?" I press and he leans back and trails his eyes down to the table.
"We won't know unless I go back." Eric says from the hallway and Tobias just nods his head, "It's not personal."
"I know it's not, I hope you do as well." Tobias replies and Eric nods. He points to one of the chairs and Eric sits, scooting closer to me and taking my hand in his, "I do understand why you broke rank."
"Just like I understand that you were trying to keep Evelyn engaged to organize a peaceful release of Tris. I couldn't let her stay there when I saw that motherfucker." Eric replies.
"You're the reason the motherfucker was even there." Edward says as he drops into the empty seat, "You had the chance to kill him."
"I didn't know what else to do to protect everyone I cared about. I needed to keep Jeanine happy." Eric replies in a tone that I've never heard from him.
Defeat.
The conversation continues, with Edward asking question after question, and Eric patiently answering. Tobias would pipe in occasionally, but it was mostly Edward making an actual attempt to understand why Eric got so involved, and it felt like with each honest answer Eric gave, Edward's anger towards him was slowly dissipating.
"I've broken laws too. So many, probably too many to even recall at this point," Edward began quietly, "my hands aren't clean. I have done everything Evelyn has asked of me in order to keep myself safe."
"You two aren't that much different." I said, gesturing between Eric and Edward.
"He never wanted to do any of it. I did." Eric supplies and Edward regards him carefully.
"Did you want the power because you believed that with it you could better the city?" Edward asks Eric point blank.
Eric's hand is sweating in mine and I can feel the nervous energy coming off of him in waves. I've never seen him this vulnerable, not even the first time we were intimate and he'd not known what to do. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we're seeing the real Eric. The part he's always reserved for me. The man I called Paul, and that I loved with every bit of my being. Eric did want power, and he knew he'd have to get his hands dirty to get it, but he also thought it would be better in the end.
"You thought you were doing the right thing for your faction and city, didn't you?" I ask him and his watery grey eyes meet mine, "You knew you would have to get dirty, but you trusted her and believed in what she and Max were telling you, didn't you?" This is it, this is the moment of truth, and I know in my heart that he won't lie to me.
"I had cooperated for months thinking she had good plans to make the city better, and I was going to help her along with Max. I trusted them both. I had no issues following their orders because I knew when it was over we'd be in control and things would change for the better. When I balked at bringing her divergent for testing, it was because she wouldn't tell me what she was really doing. It wasn't until she forced me to take that first body to the incinerator that I realized just how far she was willing to go. I was okay with testing, I was even curious to see what made the divergent mind tick. But pushing innocent people to die just to satisfy a sick curiosity was the flipping point for me." He admitted in a voice that cracked with raw emotion, "I'm ashamed of who I became."
The room is so quiet, and when I look up I see that Myron has been standing in the hallway, listening. Edward's bright blue eye is tinged with unshed tears, and Tobias' expression is one I've never seen before. It's a mixture of sadness, anger, and possibly awe. Maybe it's the same realization I'm coming to myself.
"You aren't that person anymore." My inner thoughts escape without my permission, and it's that very moment that the strongest, and at one time believed to be emotionless leader broke down in sobs.