Disclaimer: I only own the plot and my OCs. Anything you recognize as not mine belongs to Stephenie Meyer and/or their otherwise respective owners.

Author's Notes: Hi, everyone! Sorry it's been a hot minute since the last update. I'm aware that I owe you chapters for November and December, and I'll try to get around to that as soon as I can. Life has been hectic between health issues and other issues, though, so it might be a while until I get around to them.

Anyways, as always, I hope you enjoy. Until next chapter,

~TGWSI/Selene Borealis

~full moon~

~chapter 12: balancing~

"Bella!" my grandmother called out happily. "And Billy and Jacob! Oh, it's so good to see you!"

I turned towards the house, beckoning Jacob and Sam to come in as I ducked under the porch, anxiety and dread filling every inch of my body. I heard Nonna continuing to greet them behind me.

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't see you behind the wheel, Jacob," she tutted between a cross of teasing and disapproving.

"We get our permits early on the Rez," Jacob said while I unlocked the door and flipped on the porch light.

"Of course you do," Nonna laughed.

"I have to get around somehow." Billy's resonant voice was almost as familiar to me as my father's. The sound of it, as it always did, suddenly made me feel younger, like a child.

"Hey, loca!" Sam said. He was further back than both Billy and Jacob still, but once he got close enough –

I knew that my suspicions were correct when he did. Sam came to a full halt when he got close enough. His eyes widened, and his head snapped away to look at me, back towards what must've been Billy's car, since it certainly wasn't his and Emily's.

Then he looked back at me. For a moment, a very brief moment, a look settled into his eyes. It was never one that I had seen in his eyes before. It was dangerous. Very, very dangerous.

I was reminded of my dream, the one where the wolves had converged on Edythe. When they had been about to kill her.

Too late, I was aware of the silence that had fallen over us at his reaction and my lack of a response. I knew that I had to break the tension as best as I could, all without revealing that something was amiss. "Hi, Sam," I said. "Where are Emily and Levi?"

He glanced at Billy, who was looking back at him with a frown. He knew something was wrong, too.

My cousin cleared his throat. The dangerous look in his eyes vanished, albeit I could still see he was unsettled. It was almost as if he'd just stopped his body from shaking. "Oh, they went up to the Makah Reservation earlier today, to spend a few days with her parents and sister," he explained with a casual tone that wasn't very convincing. Emily had an older brother, named Aaron, but also a younger sister named Claire. She was around twelve years old. "I couldn't go with them as we're...we're running short on staff at the firehouse this week. But Billy told me that I could come with him and Jacob tonight."

"The more, the merrier," Billy agreed. He was much better at not giving away the edge that should've been in his voice. Jacob's back was facing him, so he couldn't see the expression on his son's face that revealed he was not of a similar mind."

Nonna clucked her tone concernedly. "Are you alright, Sam?"

He plastered a smile on his face. "I'm just fine, Elena." He sounded a bit better that time.

"Are you sure?" she checked again. "Something about you seems...spento tonight."

I was the only other one who knew Italian out of the five of us, but I was sure that the others could all infer what she meant.

"Oh, he's fine, Elena. You know how it is," Billy laughed good-naturedly. "Remember how Charlie was after Bella was born? He worried all the time, always afraid that he was going to do something wrong or something was going to go wrong."

My grandmother smiled fondly, though not without a good touch of grief. "Ah, yes. I remember, very well."

Opening the front door, I left it that way behind me as I turned on the lights and hung up my jacket. Then I stood in the doorway, watching as Jacob pushed Billy up the walkway, since they'd already gotten him out of the car, and Sam then helped him get up the stairs to the house. It did not escape my notice with the latter that, as Sam leaned down, his face was right next to Billy's ear. He whispered something to him, his lips moving.

All at once, Billy's expression became much more serious than almost any other time I had seen it. Even when I had flown up here to attend the funeral of his wife and the mother of Rachel, Rebecca, and Jacob, Sarah. She had died in a car accident, and her injuries had been so severe that her funeral had been a closed-casket ceremony. More than that, the casket had been nailed shut.

I backed out of the way as the three of them hurried in after my grandmother, shaking off the rain.

"This is a surprise," Nonna was saying.

"It's been too long," Billy said. "I hope it's not a bad time." His dark eyes flashed up to me again, his expression unreadable.

"No, it is wonderful! Do you want to watch the game?" Nonna had never cared much for sports, like me (even without my clumsiness), but Charlie always had and she'd learned to tolerate it even better than I could.

Jacob grinned. "I think that's the plan – our TV broke last week."

Billy made a face at his son. "And, of course, Jacob was anxious to see Bella again," he added. Jacob scowled and ducked his head while I fought back a surge of remorse. Maybe I'd been too convincing on the beach.

Sam looked like he was ready to say something. What, I wasn't sure that I wanted to find out.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, turning towards the kitchen.

"Naw, we ate just before we came," Jacob answered.

"I could be down for something to eat," Sam said.

"How about you, Nonna?" I called over my shoulder as I fled around the corner.

"Sì," she replied, her voice moving in the direction of the front room and the TV. I could hear Billy's chair follow.

Two of the grilled cheeses were in the frying pan and I was slicing up a tomato when I finally sensed someone behind me. I was expecting him to have come into the kitchen long before now.

"So, how are things?" Sam asked.

"Pretty good," I said cautiously.

When I craned my neck to look at him, I saw that he was leaning against the kitchen counter. His arms were crossed. "Is there something wrong with the truck?" he questioned next.

"No."

"Oh. I was just wondering because you weren't driving it."

This wasn't like any of our usual interactions. Sam and I had come to fights before when we'd been kids, because we'd been kids and cousins to boot.

But this, even though it wasn't necessarily a fight, was different.

I stared down at the pan, pulling up the edge of a sandwich to check the bottom side. "I got a ride with a friend."

"What friend?" he pestered. "Was it one of the ones who came to La Push?"

"No, it wasn't." I kept my eyes down as I flipped the sandwiches. "Sam, could you hand me some plates? You know where they are."

"Sure."

He got the plates in silence. I knew that he wouldn't drop it, but I could hope.

True enough:

"Who was it?" he inquired, setting two plates on the counter next to me.

Like he didn't already know.

I sighed in defeat. "Edythe Cullen."

When I glanced up at him, I saw that his jaw was locked. Tight.

"You know, I wasn't going to say this before, because Elena didn't want me to," he began. "But Bella, the Cullens aren't – "

"Good people?" I supplied for him, placing a hand on my hip as I glared up at him. "Or were you going to say, 'human?'"

Sam was, once again, taken aback. "You remember the legends?" he demanded quietly.

"I do," I replied. I wasn't going to throw Jacob under the bus for what he had done for me. He didn't deserve it, was too kind and naïve for that.

Besides, it was clear to me that Sam, Emily, and Nonna, whatever she knew of the legends, hadn't thought that I remembered them. While that belief was not wrong, it hurt me to know that they were willing to not tell me again to keep the secret of the Cullens from me...for what? My own safety? If the Cullens truly were as dangerous as they thought, and as Edythe thought, then why keep what they were hidden? Why not tell me so that I would know to stay away from them?

I didn't know the answers to any of those questions.

"Then why – " Sam said next.

I knew that I could lie to him, even though I was a bad liar, and say that I didn't believe him.

But I wasn't going to do that. I wasn't going to be like him.

"Because I know that Edythe isn't going to hurt me," I spoke calmly.

"How can you know that?" Sam demanded, his voice raising on the first word before he was able to bring it back down. That didn't last for long, however. "Bella – !"

I gazed into his dark brown eyes, refusing to look away. "Because I know that she isn't any more dangerous than you."

This did not have the reaction from him that I was expecting it to. Sam stared at me, his face blanching, before he all of the sudden started to shake again. And I could see it this time, I could see it going so fast that his form almost...blurred at the edges.

Instinctively, I let out a gasp as I stepped back.

That seemed to do something. Sam inhaled weakly himself, shaking his head wildly. "I have to – I have to – "

Without another word, he fled from the room.

He fled from the house entirely, actually. I heard the front door slam! after he'd opened it and pulled it shut behind him.

Nonna was coming into the kitchen at once. "Bella? What happened?" she asked in bewilderment.

There was no thought in my mind of telling her anything close to the truth. Although my brain was dizzy with what it had just experienced, making my legs and arms weak, at having just seen my cousin almost turn into a wolf, I knew that I couldn't tell her any part of the reality that I was now living. "Sam – Sam and I got into a fight," I said, my bottom lip trembling. Tears were coming to my eyes.

Unfortunately, that only increased Nonna's confusion. "Over what, Bella? You and him haven't fought in years!"

I tossed my head from side to side. "It's – it's nothing," I said, then repeated, "It's nothing." Then I looked behind me at the sandwiches, still in the frying pan, and grimaced. "Oh, I burned them!" Hurrying as quick as I could, I pulled the sandwiches out of the frying pan and put them on one of the plates. I was going to have to get out the bread, cheese, and butter again to make more; I'd only accounted for four sandwiches.

Nonna's lips pursed. She itched forwards. "Bella, I can make – "

"No, Nonna, I've got it."

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes." I sniffled. "Just – just, please let me cook."

Cooking had always helped me when I was upset. It was soothing to focus on something else rather than my own thoughts and emotion.

"...Alright, Bella," Nonna agreed uncertainly. She went back into the living room.

I decided to make five sandwiches instead of four, wanting to extend my time in the kitchen as much as possible. When I left its safety, holding three plates in my arms – the fourth was left in the kitchen for Sam, when he came back. I thought that I perhaps should have thought "if," but he had to know that it would be too suspicious for Nonna and Jacob for him not to – Jacob was surprised when he looked up from the game. "Did you make one for me?"

"If you don't mind," I apologized as I handed him the plate.

He accepted it gladly, flashing me a grin. "No, actually, I was just thinking about how I was starting to get hungry again at the smell of your cooking. Thank you, Bella."

Billy smiled at his son's politeness. But his expression became much more serious after I had handed Nonna her plate and sat down next to Jacob. "Everything alright, Bella?"

"Oh, um, y – yes, Billy," I replied, ducking my head. "'Just got into a disagreement with Sam. I'm sorry if you overheard any of it."

"We didn't hear anything, don't worry," Billy said. Jacob nodded in agreement, having already taken a bite out of his sandwich. Nonna smiled, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She seemed...nervous. "But I assure you, I know how it is: I got into quite a fair few fights with my sisters when we were all kids, but we always forgave each other. We never forgot that we were family."

My throat tightened. I knew that he wasn't saying that without what he thought was reason.

I stayed in the front room after that, sitting next to Jacob, even though I would've preferred nothing more than to retreat upstairs to my room. Charlie and Nonna had taught me manners too well to do otherwise. Jacob chattered to me: he told me how he was still looking for a master cylinder, and how nice the car that had been in front of my house as he, Billy, and Sam had arrived was.

It was a long night. I had a lot of homework that was going undone, but I didn't want to do it for another reason: just in case Sam came back. I didn't want to not be in the room when he did.

Finally, just when the game was about to end, we all heard the front door open. "Sam?" Nonna called out. "Is that you?"

My cousin appeared in the main room. "Yes, it's me," he said. He didn't even smile. I saw him glance at Billy, and then at me. "I'm sorry, I needed some time for air and now I've gotten a call that I'm needed back at the firehouse."

"That's alright with us," Billy said. "The game's just about over, anyways."

Jacob didn't appear to be nearly as pleased.

"Did something happen?" my grandmother prodded. "Besides...?"

"No. It's nothing to worry about," Sam answered. He focused back on me. "Bella..." he started, before he sighed. "We should talk sometime this weekend, okay?"

"Um, I'm going to Seattle this Saturday," I said, hoping that I made it clear with my tone that it was not an open invitation. I felt awful for it, but I wasn't willing to risk my time with Edythe. "Is Sunday alright with you?"

He was resigned. "Yeah, Sunday's alright with me."

His and my negative emotions were somehow impervious to Jacob's positive ones. "Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon? Or, you know, just you?" he asked as he and Sam worked together to get his father over the threshold and down the front steps of the house.

"I'm not sure," I hedged. I was too emotionally weary for any other answer.

He didn't mind. "Well, you should," he said. "Maybe I could show you the Rabbit."

That sounded like a proposition that I didn't want to think about.

"Have a good night, Sam, Billy, Jacob," Nonna told them.

"Sure, sure," Billy replied. Then his eyes shifted to mine. "And you take care, Bella."

"Thanks," I muttered, looking away.

Nonna tried pestering me once more that night about what my argument with Sam had been about, but I told her that all I wanted to do was go to bed, and she finally relented.

I slept better that night, too tired to dream again. When I woke to the pearl grey morning, my mood was bittersweet. The tense evening – an understatement – with Sam, Billy, and Jacob was almost too unbearable for me to think about, so I decided to force myself to forget about it completely. With the opportunity to see Edythe again, it was easier than it would have been otherwise.

Nonna was sleeping in as she usually did, something that I was grateful for. It meant that there would be no repeats of last night this morning. By the time that Edythe arrived, I had pulled the front part of my hair back into a barrette, my bag was ready, my shoes were on, and my teeth were brushed.

Without hesitation this time, I climbed into the passenger side quickly, the sooner to see her face. She grinned her crooked smile at me, though it wasn't as great as it usually was, showing that she knew something was amiss. Nevertheless, it stopped my breath and my heart. I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious. There was nothing about her that could be improved upon.

"How did you sleep?" she asked. I wondered if she had any idea how appealing her voice was.

"Fine. How was your night?"

"Pleasant." Her smile was amused; I felt like I was missing an inside joke.

"Can I ask what you did?" I asked; I didn't really want to talk about the rest of mine.

Unfortunately, her grin widened. "No. Today is still mine."

But to my surprise, she didn't ask anything relating to that at all. She wanted to know about people today: first was more about Renée, her hobbies, what we'd done in our free time together. Then a bit more about my uncle Lucas and my aunt Ellen, and my few school friends back at Phoenix – embarrassing me when she asked if there were any people that I'd dated. That particular conversation didn't last long because there was never anyone that I had, something which I was thankful for. She seemed as surprised as Jessica and Angela by my lack of romantic history.

"So you never met anyone you wanted? Or anyone that you wouldn't have minded dating...just for appearance's sake?" she asked in a serious tone that made me wonder what she was thinking about.

I was grudgingly honest. "Not in Phoenix. And I would never date anyone just for the sake of appearances, especially there. It's more...liberal than here. But I wasn't out there, either." I didn't mind admitting to that with her, not at all.

"Hmm," was Edythe's response. Her lips were pressed together in a hard line.

We were in the cafeteria at this point. The day had sped by in the blur that was rapidly becoming routine. I took advantage of her brief pause to take a bite of my bagel.

"I should have let you drive yourself today," she announced, apropos of nothing, while I chewed.

"Why?" I demanded.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh." I blinked, flabbergasted and disappointed. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."

She frowned at me impatiently. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me," I sighed. "I really don't mind walking." What I minded was losing time with her.

She shook her head. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition – unless you're afraid that someone might steal it." She laughed at the thought.

"But...what about my grandmother? I don't know whether or not she's going out today."

Edythe stared at me. "Do you really think that will be a problem?"

"...I suppose you have a point," I mused. "Alright." I was pretty sure that my key was in the pocket of a pair of jeans I wore Wednesday, under a pile of clothes in the laundry room. Even if she broke into my house, even when Nonna was there and was able to be undetected to her, or whatever else she was planning, she'd never find it.

She seemed to feel the challenge in my consent. She smirked, overconfident.

"So, where are you going?" I asked as casually as I could manage.

"Hunting," she answered grimly. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." Her face grew morose...and pleading. "You can always cancel, you know."

I looked down, afraid of the persuasive power of her eyes. I refused to be convinced by her, or Sam, or anyone else, to fear her, no matter how real the danger might be. It doesn't matter, I repeated in my head.

"No," I whispered, glancing back at her face. "I can't."

"Perhaps you're right," she murmured bleakly. Her eyes seemed to darken in color as I watched.

I changed the subject. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, already depressed by the thought of her leaving now.

"That depends...it's a Saturday, do you want to sleep in?" she offered.

"No," I answered too fast.

Edythe restrained a smile. "The same time as usual, then," she decided. "Will your grandmother be there?"

"Probably," I admitted. "Why?"

She smirked. "Because I want some reason to make sure that I bring you back."

The air was knocked out of my lungs. I tried to think of my own clever retort to that, but I couldn't come up with anything. I chose to ask another question: "And what are you hunting tonight?"

"What, still not scared?" she teased, before she shrugged. "Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far."

"Why are you going with Alice?" I wondered.

"Alice is the most...supportive." She frowned as she spoke.

"And the others?" I questioned timidly. "What do they think?"

Edythe's brow puckered for a brief moment. "Incredulous, for the most part."

I peeked quickly behind me at her family. They sat staring off in different directions, exactly the same as the first time I'd seen them. Only now they were four: their beautiful, bronze-haired sister sat across from me, her golden eyes troubled.

"They don't like me," I guessed.

"That's not it," she disagreed, but her eyes were too innocent. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

I grimaced. "Neither do I, for that matter."

Edythe shook her head slowly, rolling her eyes towards the ceiling before she met my gaze again. "I told you – you don't see yourself clearly, at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

I glared at her, sure that she was teasing now.

She smiled as she deciphered my expression. "Having the advantages I do," she murmured, touching her forehead discreetly. "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you...you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

I looked away, my eyes wandering back to her family, embarrassed and dissatisfied. Her words made me feel like a science experiment. I wanted to laugh at myself for expecting anything else.

"That part is easy enough to explain," she continued. I felt her eyes on my face but I couldn't look at her yet, afraid that she might read the chagrin in my eyes. "But there's more...and it's not so easy to put into words – "

I was still staring at the Cullens while she spoke. Suddenly, Rosalie, her blonde and breathtaking sister, turned to look at me. No, not to look – to glare, with dark, cold eyes. I wanted to look away, but her gaze held me until Edythe broke off mid-sentence and made an angry noise under her breath. It was almost a hiss.

Rosalie turned her head, and I was relieved to be free. I looked back at Edythe – and I knew she could see the confusion that had widened my eyes.

Her face was tight as she explained. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see...it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly..." She looked down.

"'If?'"

"If this ends...badly." She dropped her head into her hands, as she had that night in Port Angeles. Her anguish was plain; I yearned to comfort her, but I was at a loss to know how. My hand reached towards her involuntarily; quickly, though, I dropped it to the table, fearing that my touch would only make things worse.

I realized slowly that her words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come, but all I could seem to feel was an ache for her pain.

And frustration – frustration that Rosalie had interrupted whatever she had been about to say. I didn't know how to bring it up again. She still had her head in her hands.

I tried to speak in a normal voice. "And you have to leave now?"

"Yes." Edythe raised her face; it was serious briefly, and then her mood shifted and she smiled. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology – I don't think I could take any more."

I started then. Alice – her short, inky hair in a halo of spiky disarray around her exquisite, elfin face – was suddenly standing behind her shoulder. Her slight frame was willowy, graceful even in absolute stillness.

Edythe greeted her without looking away from me. "Alice."

"Edythe," she answered, her high soprano voice almost as attractive as hers.

"Alice, Bella – Bella, Alice," she introduced us, gesturing casually with her hand, a wry smile on her face.

"Hello, Bella." Her brilliant obsidian eyes were unreadable, but her smile was friendly. "It's nice to finally meet you."

Edythe flashed a dark look at her.

"Hi, Alice," I murmured shyly.

"Are you ready?" she asked Edythe.

Edythe's voice as aloof. "Nearly. I'll meet you at the car."

She left without another word; her walk was so fluid, so sinuous that I felt a sharp pang of jealousy.

"Should I say, 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" I asked, turning back to Edythe.

"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything," she said with a grin.

"Have fun, then." I worked to sound wholehearted.

Of course, I didn't fool her.

She still grinned. "I'll try. And you try to be safe, please."

"Safe in Forks – what a challenge."

"For you, it is a challenge." Her jaw hardened. "Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe," I recited. "I'll do the laundry tonight – that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in," she mocked.

"I'll do my best."

She stood then, and I rose, too.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" she mused.

I nodded glumly.

"I'll be there in the morning," she promised, smiling her crooked smile. She reached across the table to touch my face, lightly brushing along my cheekbone again. Then she turned and walked away. I stared after her until she was gone.

I was sorely tempted to ditch the rest of the day, at the very least Gym, but a warning instinct stopped me. I knew that if I disappeared now, Mike and others would assume I was with Edythe. And Edythe was worried about the time that we spent together publicly...if things went wrong. I refused to dwell on the last thought or what it could mean in relation to Sam, Jared, and Paul, concentrating instead on making things safer for her.

Tomorrow would be pivotal; this I intuitively knew – and sensed that she did, too. Our relationship, or whatever it was, couldn't continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife. My decision was made, had been made before I'd ever consciously chosen it, and I was committed to seeing it through.

Because there was nothing more terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from her. It was an impossibility.

I went to class, feeling dutiful. I couldn't honestly say what happened in Biology; my mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of tomorrow. In Gym, Mike wished me a good time in Seattle. Carefully, I told him that I'd canceled my trip, worried about my truck.

"Oh. Well, have you decided to go to the dance after all?" he asked me.

"No, I'm still not going to the dance."

For once, he was too interested for my tastes. "What are you doing, then?"

"Laundry, and then I have to study for the Trig test or I'm going to fail."

Some sort of understanding abruptly dawned on his face. "Ah, I see. Is Edythe helping you study?"

"No!" I spluttered. He grinned at me. I hurried to correct: "Edythe's gone away somewhere for the weekend." The lies came more naturally than usual, I noted with surprise.

His grin fell. "Oh. You do know that you could come to the dance with our group anyways, right? That would be cool. We'd all dance with you, if you wanted us to," he promised.

The mental image of Jessica's face had me cringing.

"No. I think I'm good. Sorry, Mike."

"It's cool," he assured me. "I was just offering."

When the school day finally ended, I walked to the parking lot without enthusiasm. I did not especially want to walk home, but I couldn't see how Edythe would've retrieved my truck. Then again, I was starting to believe that nothing was impossible for her.

The latter instinct proved correct: my truck sat in the same spot she'd parked her Volvo this morning. I shook my head, incredulous, as I opened the unlocked door and saw the key in the ignition.

There was a piece of white paper folded on my seat. I got in and closed the door before I unfolded it. Two words were written in her elegant script:

Be safe.

The sound of the truck roaring to life frightened me. I laughed at myself.

When I got home, the handle of the door was locked, the deadbolt unlocked. It was just as I'd left it this morning, with the glaring exception that Nonna was gone – out. Perhaps she hadn't been here when Edythe had.

Inside, I went straight to the laundry room. It looked just the same as I'd left it, too. I dug for my jeans and, after finding them, checked the pockets. Empty. Maybe I'd hung up my key after all, I thought, shaking my head.

Following the same instinct that had prompted me to lie to Mike, I called Jessica on the pretense of wishing her luck at the dance. She answered the call, even though she hadn't really been talking to me at school. But she warmed up some here, as she even offered the same wish for my day with Edythe, if only a little too distantly. This was when I told her about the cancellation. She hung up quickly after that, much to my hurt feelings. I tried not to let it bother me.

The only person that was the exception to this rule was my grandmother, for reasons that I couldn't really explain. Well, not explain besides not having another excuse for why I would be out all day.

I made lasagna for dinner – Nonna's recipe, which she was more than happy about. Afterwards, I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer. Unfortunately, it was the kind of job that only keeps the hands busy. My mind definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. I couldn't help but think of the night before, when I had angered Sam, and I was sure that he had almost turned into a wolf inside the house. I couldn't help but think, too, about what Sunday with him was going to look like. I could only imagine.

As for tomorrow with Edythe, I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. It was stupid: I knew that Edythe wasn't going to hurt me, as I had told her and Sam – and I wasn't doubting that, either. Yet, I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made my choice, and I wasn't going back on it. I pulled out her note from my pocket much more often than necessary to absorb the two small words she'd written.

She wants me to be safe, I told myself again and again. I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, that desire would win out over the others. And what was my other choice – to cut her out of my life? Intolerable. Besides, since I'd come back to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about her.

Nevertheless, a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried, wondering if it would hurt very much...if things ended badly.

I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. I knew that I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something that I'd never done before: I deliberately took some unnecessary cold medicine, the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavior in myself, but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else.

While I waited for the drugs to kick in, I waited for my clean hair to dry, and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow. With everything ready for the morning, I finally laid down in my bed. But I felt hyper; I couldn't stop twitching. So, I got up and rifled through my shoebox of CDs until I found a collection of Chopin's nocturnes. I put that on very quietly and laid down again, concentrating on relaxing individual parts of my body. Somewhere in the middle of the exercise, the cold pills took effect, and I gladly sank into unconsciousness.

Word Count: 5,675

Next Chapter Title: confessions