Being in Derek's apartment without him made her feel kind of weird, with him there, she felt completely at ease. Almost as if she was in her own home, but now it felt like she was some kind of intruder. Everything had been going so well this evening, they had laughed and flirted. She was looking forward to the new positions they were going to try after their pizza. They even were even aiming at some kind of serious conversation but that was until his stupid phone rang and he left her in his home without a second thought. Fact was that he had looked horrified and shocked after he had finished that call.

He was now gone for over three hours, and all this time she could only think about who Addie was. If Addie had went to the same college, she would have known him, right? And why did he never spoke about Addie if he was an old friend of Derek's, she told stories about Jess while he never met her.. It wasn't like they had secrets for each other, other than her feelings towards him she thought bitterly. Apparently, that didn't apply for Derek, he seemed to be full of secrets which she never knew about until tonight. And even now, she only knew there were things she didn't know but that was about it.

She hated to be in situations like these, when things got too complicated or there was a possible situation where she could get hurt, she wanted to flee. It was all she had ever done in her life; it was what she had learnt from a young age. Her way to survive, to keep her feelings in check and to let nobody ever close enough to really hurt her. She didn't want anybody to inflict the same pain her father had when he left her, and then again when she had found out he had created a whole new happy family. Heck, her father was practically the inventor of the whole abandoning she had grown accustomed to.

When Derek would be back from his meeting with Addie, she would tell him it was over. Better step out now, before it was too late and her feelings would get hurt. Or even worse, before she could hurt his feelings.. They could go back to being friends, without the benefits, or they would simply be nothing at all. She could be civilized; she could act normal around him..

Stumbling in to his bedroom, she stripped down to her panties, grabbed one of Derek's old t-shirts and crawled in to his bed. She pulled the comforter up as far as possible without suffocating herself, hugged the pillow close, remains of his scent still lingering on it. The bed, which was the right size when she was in it with Derek, felt suddenly big and empty. It was kind of strange, she felt lonelier now then when she had broken up with Finn.

She really wished Derek was there.

A few tears slipped down her cheeks, and she wiped them away hurriedly, cursing herself for being this sensitive. Realisation hit in as bomb, she was already hurting over him before she even ended the affair. No matter how hard she tried to keep her feelings at bay, it was already too late.

After tossing and turning, she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

In the middle of the night, Meredith woke to the warmth of two strong arms surrounding her, and the unmistakable, delicious, masculine smell of Derek. His chest was bare, as it always was when they were in bed together, and the few hairs he had were tickling her nose. A slight hint of the beer he had took present on his breath. She turned further in to him, hugging him closer to her.

'What time is it?' she asked sleepily, opening her eyes slightly.

'Hush, go back to sleep Mer. We will talk tomorrow.' his hand kept making hypnotical circular motions on her back.

'But Addie..'

'She will be fine, eventually at least. I suppose.. I will be able to help with the situation..' Derek didn't had time to finish his sentence.

'She?' Meredith was suddenly wide awake. 'Help.. Situation...' she muttered more to herself then him, the words finally dawning in on her. What the heck had he done! She wanted out now, out of his bed, out of his life, as far away from him as possible. She was trying to get up, out of his grip, but his hold only got tighter.

She was panicking, downright panicking.

Realisation what she was thinking was hitting him. 'No, god no, nothing like that woman.' he almost had to laugh, if the situation was any different, he would actually laugh, losing his focus for just a split second.

Finally, she was able to get out of his grip. Standing next to his bed, trying to find her jeans so she could pull them on.

'I have got to go.' she said, her voice cracking just a bit.

He grabbed her wrist, dragging her down on the matrass. 'No, you have got to listen.' he said sternly, booking no argument. 'You are jumping in to conclusions, I can see that mind of yours going a hundred miles per hour. And none of what you are thinking is true. And I understand all of it but you have to give me time to explain, I think you owe me at least that, as my friend.' empathizing the last word he spoke.

She gave a nod, she moved to sit on the opposite side of the bed, as far away from him as possible.

'Addie was a college friend of mine.' he started slowly, looking intently over to Meredith. He wanted his words to be right, he knew he only had one change with Meredith and if he didn't do it right, he would lose her instantly. 'Maybe we were a bit more then friends back then, we were attracted to each other and had a kind of friends with benefits relationship. Nothing too big, we just had fun, maybe it could have turned in to more if she hadn't left.. Her family was having troubles, and she had to help them out, so she moved to a college closer home and that was the end of us.'

'Hmm mmm' she couldn't say that she liked the fact that he thought that there could have been more between the two of them, but she appreciated his honesty.

'We always kept some contact, an occasional text or phone call. Recently we have been in more close contact, her brother has a brain tumor which has been increasing a lot lately and she wanted my opinion on some matters. Tonight, she asked me to come over to Joe's to check up on his latest scans, it doesn't look good but I think I will be able to help. He will fly in tomorrow; I will do some tests and checks tomorrow and then we will check how much I can actually do.' he breathed out, not realising that he had spoken with the speed of light, trying to tell everything as specific as possible.

'I am sorry.' she cried out. 'I never should have...'

'No, Mer. This is by no means your fault; I should have been clear from the beginning, shouldn't have let you doubt me, I am so sorry.' he was shaking, he didn't know if it was from relieve or from tension.

'It's okay.' she said wrapping his arms around him.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, both letting in what happened in the last half hour.

'Do you want to try again, with Addie, I mean.' she questioned him softly, barely above a whisper.

'Look at me.' he gently grabbed her face in his big strong hands. 'There is only one woman I want to be with, only one woman who can make everywhere feel like home. Don't ever doubt that Mer.'

It all became so clear for her now, he was just as far in to this as she was. He was just as afraid of hurting her as she was of hurting him. She didn't know much about love, but she could only imagine this being close to what love must feel like.

Suddenly her lips were on him, pressing her lips in to his, soft but with firm pressure. It was official, this woman could kiss like no other person on this earth. She tasted like candy and drove him positively insane. The way she was kissing, with her giving, sweet sensuality, he couldn't think about ever wanting to kiss another woman anymore.

It was so extremely good, he felt shocks and tingles rushing over him. Like a tidal wave, starting at his feet and centring in his groin. It positively knocked him stupid. He felt her pressing more and more in to him.

'Make love to me, Derek.' was the last thing he heard before he found heaven on earth.