June 2nd, 1978, 2200
The incongruently loud boy's outburst broke up the tense energy that had infiltrated the space due to our heated conversation. Rather than get angry at the interruption, Dani burst out in a surprisingly delicate-sounding fit of giggles. It was contagious, and before I knew it, we couldn't help but laugh along with her.
Things went smoothly from there, and after a brief round of somewhat awkward introductions, the entire party dedicated all of its attention to the exciting match through the elderly ranger's worn-down camp radio. I hadn't caught her name when we first arrived, but she had since introduced herself as Nan.
Nan had watched us in amusement as the group reacted in varying ways throughout the match. She generously broke out some popcorn she had prepared in a small black kettle over the fire to share amongst ourselves.
It was delicious, especially after a long day.
Shit, I completely forgot to eat today, I realized. I wonder if Nan is someone's favorite relative. She's so gentle, friendly, and considerate, I thought with gratitude as I munched on the kettle corn that barely quieted the grumbling from my stomach that I was now keenly aware of.
Avery, Dani, and I were intensely focused, trying to catch all the details the announcer delivered via rapid-fire in his buttery smooth radio voice. Ellie cheered loudly whenever Sula's pokémon made a good move. Everyone couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.
The rest of the group, who I hardly knew, groaned in despair whenever one of Sula's pokémon went down. It was unlike any experience I'd ever had.
This is actually really fun.
It snuck up on me, but I relaxed into the friendly atmosphere after the first few minutes. Time blurred by, and before I knew it, Sula had won via a surprising forfeit from the aging fire specialist.
Of course she did, I thought with a confusing blend of emotions.
After listening to Sula's match, we gathered thoughtfully around the fire. Although I had initially been annoyed at the rude hand gesture I had received for no good reason, I had quickly discovered that Jean, the culprit, was a die-hard Sula fan. He was currently gushing about the match, and I sat there in quiet disbelief, listening to his monologue.
"Can you believe Blaine just gave up? I can't believe he would do something like that! He must have just been so scared of her presence. I heard she's terrifying in person, but I can't wait to meet her! My older brother told me he saw her in person once and always bragged about it! I can't wait to show him up! Arceus, I just want to see her Charizard even once," he said longingly as he glanced at his pokémon, the timid Meowth who had lost to Dani's Venonat earlier.
"Meow?" it inquired with a downcast look, seemingly aware that his partner was thinking wistfully about my sister's Charizard.
Jean continued, unashamed at how the insensitive comment had affected his pokémon.
Not cool, man.
"I wish we were around a TV. The radio is great and all, but it would've been amazing to see it when it aired! What was your favorite part?" Jean inquired of Avery with an intense look. His eyes were practically glazed over in his furor.
Avery looked surprised at the question but decided to play along anyway. I hadn't spent that much time around men, but Avery seemed like a nice guy, even if he had crushed my hand earlier that evening.
Certainly better than Jean. I decided then and there that Jean rubbed me the wrong way, and I wanted little to do with him.
"Weel, I guess ma' favorite part was probably when her lil' pig knocked out that cocky horse," offered Avery casually.
I observed the interaction carefully, thinking the other boys would be annoyed by Jean's obsession, but I was surprised to see that they were all listening attentively to Avery's response.
Huh, this is how people look at Sula, I thought with a tinge of jealousy that I swiftly quashed before it could grow into something more. No use being jealous of Sula now that I have no chance to catch up without the Dratini Kiriel had promised me.
My study of the groups' social interactions was interrupted as Ellie forcefully poked me to get my attention.
"Are you okay, Mare?" whispered Ellie softly, even as I yelped loudly in surprise.
Dani glanced over in concern from across the fire, but I waved her attention away. She returned to the conversation with a dismissive shrug.
Ellie was sitting on a small stone with Petal sleeping fitfully in her lap. I was impressed that she avoided jostling Petal with the energy she had imparted into the deceptive poke!
"Ow! Don't poke me like that!" I hissed.
"You look kind of upset. I just thought I would check-in. I may not be the smartest cookie, but even I noticed that you have some serious complex with your family," Ellie pointed out insightfully.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm happy for Sula's victory; there's nothing else to it," I said defensively as I dramatically nursed the spot she had poked.
What is her deal? I don't have a problem with my family, I thought incredulously. I can't have a problem with my family, I mentally corrected.
"Cut the bullshit, Mare, we need to have a chat. Let's say goodbye to these guys and go back to the cabin," Ellie sternly whispered.
"Fine, but I think you're overreacting," I shot back without much bite.
I braced my core to pick up Larvitar, who was leaning heavily against my legs.
Oh wow, he's heavy, I realized as I struggled to find an efficient way to hoist him.
Much to the amusement of the others around the fire, I struggled to find a sustainable method to carry him for a few seconds. I eventually settled on wrapping my arms around his stomach and resting my head next to his horn.
"Larrrvi," he sighed in contentment as he enjoyed the comforting contact.
Beside me, Ellie also picked up her much lighter grass type, who barely stirred as she lifted her without visible effort.
"Y'all headed to bed for the night?" inquired Avery.
"Yes. I'm afraid we'll have to retire now. It's been a long day, after all," I responded politely as I moved towards our waiting cabin, Larvitar in hand.
"Thanks for having us! This was a lot of fun!" shouted Ellie with a wave. "We'll see you guys in the morning!"
"Was our pleasure. Dani here was just tellin' me that we'll be travelin' partners for the next few days anyhow. I'm pretty tuckered out, misself, now that you mention it," Avery said as he stood up with a stretch. His large frame cast ominous shadows into the surrounding area.
"See you folks in the mornin'! Lads, let's get to bed. G'night, Dani," he said with a deferential nod at the older trainer.
"Night, Avery. Sorry for getting upset earlier. I just don't like people talking down to me, and I overreacted," Dani replied. "We good?"
Avery's eyebrows shot up at the apology; I could tell he had not seen that one coming. Neither had I, for that matter.
She's more mature than I gave her credit for, I thought. Sula would've held a grudge forever in this situation.
"We're good, Dani. See ya in the morning! Thank ya verra much, Miss Nan," he said politely to the ranger before heading into darkness.
"Good night, boys and girls! Thanks for joining me on this fine evening. What an exciting way to close out the day! Make sure to brush your teeth before you go to bed. I'll have breakfast ready in the morning for whoever is up early enough," Nan said gently as she made her way to the central cabin.
The other boys obediently followed suit behind their apparent leader; they were in one of the larger cabins closer to the center of camp. Besides Avery and Jean, the others had yet to speak much. They're just shy, I concluded.
"Alright, enough stalling. Let's get back to the cabin," said Ellie with a look that left little room for discussion.
"Fine," I responded drily.
Rather than head off with the boys, Dani headed our way before we had made it too far beyond the firepit.
"Mind if I join you guys for a second? I just had a quick question before you go to bed," Dani asked quietly, looking over her shoulder to ensure the other boys were out of earshot.
"Sure, what's up?" I asked curiously.
"I couldn't help but notice that you seemed a bit upset when the match finished. The other guys don't know you're Sula's little brother yet. Do you want me to keep it a secret so things don't get weird?"
Why does everyone think I'm upset? I struggled to figure out what was giving people the wrong idea. Something wrong with my face, or something else, I wondered to myself.
"See! Mare, I told you something was wrong," Ellie interjected before I could respond. "He looked pissed, right?"
Dani looked a bit surprised when Ellie answered the question. "Yeah…We just met, so I don't want to step on any toes. I doubt any of those idiots picked up on it, but you looked like you had bitten into something sour but were trying to keep your face from scrunching up," Dani explained.
"That's such a perfect way to describe it! Like this!" Ellie said and pinched her cheeks together demonstrably.
I grimaced at the unfortunate facial expression. I'll have to be more careful, I concluded.
"Oh. I didn't realize I was doing that," I answered honestly. "I'll be careful to monitor my expressions better next time. Sorry for the inconvenience."
I expected a quick acceptance of the apology and was caught off guard when both stopped in place and fixed me with a look of apparent confusion and something else. Pity.
"Mare, you don't need to apologize? You didn't do anything wrong. We're just checking if you're okay," said Dani softly.
Ellie looked at Dani appraisingly as if evaluating her for something only she knew about. She must have come to a decision because she spoke out confidently.
"Dani, I'm not sure how much he told you on your swim or whatever it is that you guys were actually doing, but Mare's family is fucked up. That's what I wanted to talk to him about, but if you're going to be traveling with us from now on, you might as well join in if you're serious about it," said Ellie. "Let's get into the cabin before we continue; I don't want to get interrupted by anything."
"I'm in. I doubt the boys are even still awake; they sleep like Snorlax at the end of the day," confirmed Dani decisively as she trailed behind us.
At this point, we had made it to the camp's outer edge and were approaching our dimly lit cabin.
I could feel myself reeling in confusion at the genuine concern they displayed for me as I woodenly opened the door and sat heavily on my bed.
Is this what it was supposed to be like? Is this what friends and family are supposed to do when something is wrong? I'm not supposed to hide what I'm feeling?
"Earth to Mare, snap out of it, dude," Ellie called as she waved her hands in front of me.
"What," I snapped. "What do you want me to say? Is this some sort of emotional intervention? I don't need your pity. I'm fine. I already told you nothing was wrong. I must've just been making a face for some reason. We don't need to do this."
I could feel panic rising in my chest as the conversation spiraled.
"Mare, just shut up and listen for a second," said Ellie firmly. "We've known each other for like, almost two days, and I can already tell that you're a hot fucking mess from your family. You're avoidant, cold, analytical, and act like anything you do is an opportunity to prove your worth, or something to be judged, and it's pissing me the fuck off."
"Maybe I should go…" said Dani awkwardly as she stood there, unsure what to do.
"Nope. Sit. You already said yes," commanded Ellie as she gestured at one of the empty beds. Dani quickly complied, finding herself unable to resist the younger girl's snappy orders.
"If we're going to travel together and actually do what we're supposed to do, this isn't going to cut it. I don't give a shit about your bitch mom, or arrogant sister, or passive dad. But I do care about my dad, and if you keep doing what you're doing, this whole plan will fail," said Ellie passionately.
"Mare, I know I couldn't possibly understand what it's like to have a sister like Sula, but I know what it's like to feel alone. You probably don't even think of me as a person. Probably just think I'm some deadweight you need to carry through this assignment. I'm right, aren't I?" Ellie said accusatorily.
I looked away, unable to respond to her accurate assessment.
"I knew it," she breathed. "Look. I'm new. I'm not as good as you or your family, but we need to work as a team to make this happen. Please, just let me in a bit here and talk to me about what you're actually feeling," she said with pleading eyes. "I can be good. I can be great; I know I can. But I can't do it if you're storming ahead in your own world, dragging me along for the ride."
Ellie was nearly in tears, and I could feel my face burning in shame at the fact that I might have some role to play in her feelings.
I didn't know what to say or do. I had never experienced someone talk to me so emotionally. So earnestly. It was happening too fast.
"I'm sor-" I paused, unsure how to word what I wanted to say. Taking a deep breath, I continued. "I'm sorry, Ellie. I didn't know you cared so much. Nobody has ever talked to me like that before. Never really worried about me like this."
I laughed bitterly, thinking of Sula's "check-in" before I left home on the first day.
Larvitar looked up at me in concern from his position on my lap. "Larvvv," he cooed in consolation. I rubbed his scales soothingly, "It's okay, little guy, just go to bed. I'm fine now, I promise."
"Cute," Ellie whispered airily.
"Whenever my family ever actually asked me how I was doing, which was rare, it never felt like they were genuinely concerned or saw me for what I was feeling. It felt more like a mechanic checking in on a piece of machinery to ensure it was still functioning rather than genuine compassion," I confided sadly.
It hurt to talk about this, as it brought up all the disingenuous conversations I had over the years. I had never once felt like my family cared beyond my ability to perform.
"I'm asking now," said Ellie with a relieved smile as she realized I'd made my decision.
I couldn't help but return the smile, feeling slightly better.
Arceus, I'm lucky. She might be a rank amateur, but I'll take this over the Seiichi any day.
"Truth is, Ellie, I'm not fine. I didn't know I was making such an obvious facial expression, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed when Sula won. I feel like an awful brother for even thinking that, but some part of me just wanted it to happen. Just once, so I could know that I had a chance to catch up to her and actually be seen by my family," I admitted, feeling a clutching pain in my stomach at the confession.
Ellie nodded encouragingly as I gradually opened up. "It's okay, Mare."
"I know that's fucked up, and it goes against everything I've been taught. All I know is to do my duty, follow their words, and support the clan. If Kiriel heard any of this, she'd probably disown me without a second thought, besides briefly regretting the waste of resources. And my dad, don't even get me started," I said with a shake of my head.
"He just goes along with whatever Kiriel says and is too afraid to stand up to her over anything. He knew I had my hopes up for that Dratini. He knew I wanted even a fraction of the attention that Kiriel and the rest of the clan shower Sula with. And he just sits there, trying to smooth everything over so that no one's feathers are ruffled. It makes me sick."
I was practically growling at this point, but I couldn't stop myself. I spent so much time suppressing what I was feeling that it was leaking out in an ugly way. I could feel hot tears dripping down my face to pool aimlessly on the dirty cabin floor.
"And Sula. My big sister, my best friend. The only one who shows me any compassion at all. It hurts the worst, actually. It hurts because I know that if she deemed me a legitimate threat, all her affection would disappear instantly. Sure, she's nice to me, teaches me, and has dragged me all over the world, but her mind is only ever truly on one thing: to be the best."
I took a deep breath, only now registering the embarrassment I felt at such a vulnerable profession of my inner thoughts. I quickly wiped my tears away with a fist, trying to act like nothing happened.
They're going to think I'm weak, I realized in horror.
"Sorry about all that. I don't know what came over me," I said awkwardly as I finally looked up at Ellie and Dani. I had been staring down at the ground the whole time I was talking and recoiled in surprise when I saw them.
Ellie was crying, and not just a little bit.
"What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" I asked in confusion at their reactions.
"No! You didn't do anything wrong! I'm so glad I'm an only child in a normal family," sobbed Ellie as she wiped away her tears. "That's so wrong. Clans in Kanto are stupid!"
Dani gave me a strained smile; I could tell she clearly felt uncomfortable.
Welp, there go my chances with her, I thought in disappointment.
"I have to agree with Ellie here. Hearing all that from you makes me grateful for my relatively normal upbringing. I'm sorry you went through all that, bud," she said awkwardly.
I grimaced when I heard the "bud." Yup, definitely no chance in hell now.
"Uh, thanks for listening, I guess? I feel a lot better. Like, really good. Honestly, I didn't realize I was so upset until you said something. How'd you get so good at talking to people, Ellie?" I asked in genuine admiration at her surprising ability to get me to open up.
"Ha," Ellie said smugly. The tears had stopped, but her green eyes stood out vividly against their red edges. "Try being an only child in a divorce. Nothing like trying to mediate your parents' everyday fights to make you emotionally perceptive as a fucking Togepi!"