Roy wasn't often curious about himself and his inner world. He was usually focused on external things, namely his career, but lately he'd been in his head a lot more than usual. Because of Ed, and the avalanche of emotions and conflict he seemed to trigger inside of Roy.

Currently, his mind kept replaying Ed's words to him from a couple hours ago.

I don't wanna go back to knowing nothing about you.

It had been a vulnerable thing for Ed to admit, and Roy couldn't help thinking how far they'd come in such a short amount of time. Most people got this comfortable, this vulnerable after…more than three months, right? Sure, he and Ed had known each other for years, but it was like Ed said; they hadn't really known anything personal about each other. Roy had known more about Ed than Ed had known about Roy, that was for sure. And what Roy knew about Ed hadn't really been information Ed had willingly given up.

And now, in the span of three months, Ed suddenly knew more about him than Maes. Maes had certainly known him better, in terms of his mannerisms and general personality traits—only time with someone could offer that—but Ed knew him deeper. In ways no one else had ever known him. In ways Roy had never allowed himself to be known.

It had all happened so fast. Perhaps too fast. Things had escalated and Roy had the distinct feeling that the situation was spiralling out of control. It would definitely be wise to rein it in a little, reduce this…intensity. But what did that even mean?

It was scary what he would do for Ed. It terrified him. And so far he'd coped by blocking it out, by refusing to think about the fact that Ed had become his biggest weakness. And that anyone who somehow found that out would target Ed to get to Roy.

And for what? What were they even doing? They weren't even dating. They hadn't gone on a single proper date—and no, the ice cream date didn't count, not in Roy's book; if he truly had the opportunity he'd take Ed out properly…

He now wanted to wine and dine Ed.

Roy sighed, slumping in his chair and rubbing at his face. Ed would laugh at him.

Ed had left shortly after the others had returned from their lunch hour, since he really had been way too early for the meal and Roy had nothing to occupy him with. And Roy had given him his keys. His keys to his damn house.

Maes and Riza were the only people who had ever had a spare key to his house. But Roy had never given his key before. And he gave it to Ed. It hadn't even crossed his mind not to; Ed had simply announced he'd head back lest someone rob the house and Roy had fished the keys out of his pocket and then Ed had simply taken them and walked out as if the exchange hadn't altered the world's damn orbit.

Was Ed really ruining everyone else for him? How was he meant to go back to dating women after Ed left? Hell, or other men? He couldn't picture it. He couldn't picture himself opening up like that again, trusting another human being enough to see all the disgusting things that dwelled deep inside him. He could only picture it with Ed.

Anxiety built in his stomach with that thought, and he promptly dismissed it, turning back to his work. He never came to any sort of resolution every time he thought about Ed. His thoughts just kept going round and round in circles; his logic battling with his emotions.

His logic had always been stronger than his emotions, but this time his feelings proved a worthy opponent.

There he was. Waiting outside Headquarters, leaning against a wall and staring absently at the floor, clearly zoned out.

Stunning. Golden. Roy would never get tired of seeing him. All his doubts and worries promptly flew out the window the moment his gaze fell on Ed. This was a new thing too; his thoughts spiralled much more when he was away from Ed, and quieted when he was around him.

Roy descended the last of the steps of Central Command, the rest of his team behind him. He spotted the sleek black car waiting for them idly at the kerb.

"Yo, boss!" Havoc greeted Ed, making his head snap up. How had Ed even survived all these years zoning out so much?

Ed smiled a small, lopsided smile and lifted a hand in a little wave. Roy's heart fluttered in the most peculiar way. Weird.

Breda smirked as they reached Ed and started heading for the car. "Knew you'd convince the chief to blow military budget on some good food."

That was the second time someone had alluded to Ed convincing Roy to do this. Ed hadn't convinced him to do anything.

Ed blinked in confusion, frowning. He glanced at Roy, unsure. "Uh, I didn't?"

Havoc narrowed his eyes, and he saw Fuery eyeing Ed and Breda with way too much interest.

Roy recognised an underlying bet when he saw one. He almost didn't want to know.

They all got in the car, and as the driver pulled away, Breda said, "The chief seemed pretty against the idea yesterday, so we assumed he'd gotten…persuaded." He glanced at Roy, who kept his face carefully blank and aloof.

He glanced at his side, where Hawkeye was quietly listening, Falman next to her. At least he had two quiet subordinates who never gave him a headache.

"Yeah!" Havoc said, clapping Ed on the back and making him choke. "We thought for sure that you'd be dying for some good food to celebrate breaking the bond after living off the chief's cooking for three months!" He laughed, and Breda and Fuery were looking intently for Ed's reaction.

Ed just looked beyond confused, and honestly, so was Roy. What the hell was this bet about?

Ed frowned at them, shuffling in his seat. Then his gaze went to Roy, who surreptitiously shrugged at him. But he noticed that Ed didn't jump to reveal anything about their living situation, even forgoing the opportunity to reveal Roy's nonexistent cooking skills, which he was grateful for.

"No, he, uh, just…told me about the meal. That's all."

The car pulled up at the restaurant, and Roy was beyond glad for the break in that conversation. How he wished it was just him and Ed instead, enjoying a quiet meal filled with riveting conversation.

But no, he couldn't do that. Perhaps he would never be able to do that. And he hated it. He hated the fact that he had to hide Ed like this, that even being seen with Ed in a date-like setting would prompt criticism and judgment.

Ed made Roy want to do better, to be better, to shatter the confines society had eased him into and he'd blindly accepted. Perhaps Ed's rebellious streak was contagious.

The waiter greeted them upon their entrance, immediately noting their military uniforms. "General Mustang?" he asked, to which Roy nodded. "Follow me!"

Roy had been a regular at this place before the soul bond. A lot of the staff knew him by now, but this guy seemed new. He looked young, about Ed's age.

The waiter led them to the most private seating space. It was one of the reasons Roy loved this restaurant; he often brought his sisters here, where the likelihood of eavesdropping was low. Of course, everyone else just assumed he enjoyed bringing his myriad of dates here.

The long table was pushed against the brick wall on one end, plates and cutlery all placed carefully around, a bottle of red wine waiting to be opened. Roy took a seat next to the wall, Hawkeye next to him, and Falman next to her. Ed made his way to the end of the table, taking a seat opposite from Roy. Havoc followed next to him, then Breda and then Fuery.

At least he'd have Ed opposite him, so he could at least pretend this was a date.

As the waiter asked them about drinks, Roy surveyed Ed in front of him. He was wearing the same clothes from earlier today; one of Roy's white shirts and his brown slacks. His hair was pulled into a sleek ponytail, the golden strands almost gleaming in the overhead lights.

God, he was stunning.

The waiter made his way down the table, just slightly behind Ed, when he said, "Oh god, you're the Fullmetal Alchemist, aren't you?"

Ed blinked, clearly taken aback. Roy wasn't sure whether it was the fact that he'd been recognised that surprised him or that the waiter had brought attention to the fact that he knew who Ed was.

Ed craned his neck to look at the waiter. "Uh, yeah?"

The man beamed, looking at Ed almost starstruck. "Sorry, you're just—kind of a legend where I'm from."

Ed's cheeks turned pink, and he rubbed the back of his neck, unsure. "Oh, really? Thanks."

The man's eyes almost sparkled with excitement and admiration. "You rebuilt my grandma's house in Elsto in seconds after a bad earthquake! She still talks about it and it's been more than five years now!"

Roy couldn't tell if Ed remembered the particular situation. He shifted in his seat, giving the waiter a lopsided smile. "It was only a bit of alchemy, I was happy to help."

"You saved her so much trouble! They've had a flood recently, and lots of houses have been wrecked…Please if you have the time to help, it would be appreciated so much…"

Ed winced, and Roy understood why; even if he wanted to help, he couldn't. Not anymore. "Ah…I'm not in that line of work anymore, sorry."

The man frowned, eyeing the rest of them at the table, their uniforms in particular. "You don't work for the military anymore?"

"I do," Ed said quickly, and Roy thought he was elaborating way too much. He didn't owe this man any form of explanation about his life and his job. "I just do other things now. Mainly research."

"Oh, right," the man said, clearly disappointed. But a second later he perked back up, lifting his notebook pointedly. "Well, let me get you a drink as a thank you for what you did for my grandma."

Ed waved a hand, the flush on his cheeks turning red. It made Roy's chest tighten, his jaw clenching as he looked at the waiter, smiling down at Ed. "It's fine, really. I don't really drink."

The waiter had just opened his mouth—no doubt to insist, when Roy pointedly closed the menu book in front of him and said, "How about we order some food?"

The waiter looked at him as though surprised he was even there. As though the only person that existed was Ed—

Don't, he warned himself as he felt his chest tightened further.

Ed shot him what Roy liked to think was a grateful look, and then began looking through the menu.

The waiter gave Roy a very wide and very fake smile. "Of course, sir! What would you like?"

"The steak, please," Roy said smoothly. "Medium rare."

The waiter jotted it down as the rest of the team told him their orders. Roy poured himself some wine and kept his eyes on Ed, who was carefully looking through the menu and wincing. He glanced up at Roy, giving him a small smile. "You better order for me, I think. I swear this shit's in a different language."

Roy smiled, about to order the steak for Ed as well, when the waiter exclaimed, "Oh! Please allow me to recommend the creamy chicken, it is dreamy."

Ed blushed again, shifting in his seat, and Roy had to force himself to take a deep breath. Why the hell was Ed blushing like that? Why was he acting all awkward and shy and modest around this man? Did he—

Don't think, don't think.

Of course people would notice Ed; how could they not? It was evident the waiter admired Ed—as the Fullmetal Alchemist, sure, but it was hard not to also admire Ed as a person as well. Ed was a catch, plain and simple, but Roy wasn't sure he'd truly realised that yet.

But once he did…

Roy took a deep breath as Ed sent him a small, almost panicked look, and smoothly said, "Fullmetal will also have the steak, please."

He sounded way more polite than he felt like being.

The waited glanced between him and Ed, unsure. Maybe ordering for Ed, as his commanding officer, could be interpreted as being overly controlling. He found he didn't give a shit. "Of course."

The waiter finally left, and Ed seemed to immediately relax. Roy tried not to read into it, but he couldn't help himself.

Maybe Ed was attracted to this man; he had been fairly attractive. Nothing like Ed, of course, but with his youthful face and his short, curly brown hair, Roy could imagine he didn't have any problems scoring a date.

He tried to drown out his thoughts by focusing on the conversation around him. It seemed like the rest of the team had, for now, given up on whatever bet they'd thought up and were just making pleasant conversation.

Havoc was asking Ed about Alphonse, and Ed was smiling brightly at the fact that he got to talk about his brother. "Yeah, Al's in Resembool for now, but he's planning on going to Xing."

"Whoa," Havoc said, eyebrows arching. "That's a bit of a trek. What for?"

Ed shrugged. "He wants to properly study alkahestry and be with Mei. She's basically his girlfriend even if he won't admit it, so yeah, it makes sense that he wants to go over there for a bit."

Havoc smirked. "Aw, look at you two all grown up. Girlfriend, gah!" Ed rolled his eyes at him, and Havoc asked, "Wait, will he move there permanently, or come back to Amestris at some point?"

Ed blinked blankly at Havoc, and then frowned. "Of course he'll come back…" He trailed off, as though it only just occurred to him that he'd only assumed that Alphonse would want to come back to Amestris.

Roy was sure he would. He wouldn't leave Ed. Unless Ed moved to Xing too…

Roy sipped some of his wine, an attempt to ease the lump that had grown in his throat. He barely heard Falman as he softly reassured Ed that Alphonse would definitely come back.

Shan Young had implied Roy needed reassurance from Ed—just as much as Ed needed reassurance from Roy. He had dismissed it at the time, about to snap that he didn't need any sort of reassurance, thank you very much, but…That wasn't true, was it? He wanted Ed to reassure him about a lot of things; that he wouldn't run off to where Roy wouldn't ever find him, that he wouldn't move out of Roy's house, that he wanted to stay with Roy, ideally forever.

But he wouldn't, couldn't give Roy that reassurance. Ed wouldn't lie simply to spare Roy's feelings.

He was barely even twenty, and Roy had no delusions about what that meant. About the life Ed had yet to live, experience. About where his commitments lay. Or rather, lack of commitments. Lack of commitment to Roy.

He'd always known he'd have to watch Ed be with someone else at some point, but what would that truly look like? Would his and Ed's relationship remain cordial, friendly? He knew that people who got as close as he and Ed had usually ended up awkwardly avoiding contact with each other, pretended the other didn't exist out of awkwardness and embarrassment. Was that what the future held for him and Ed? Ed being so embarrassed about their brief history that he wouldn't even be able to look at him?

But no—he and Ed had too much history for that, right? Maybe they'd remain cordial, after all, exchanging polite, casual nods in the hallways of Central Command, and the barest of pleasantries…

Roy couldn't live like that.

The thought was startling, since he'd convinced himself that he'd survive just fine when Ed left. And he would survive; he'd lived a life without Ed in his bed for over thirty years. He'd just…go back to that.

His heart had started pounding when the waiter returned, another waiter at his heels, both of them carrying plates of food.

Roy needed the delicious distraction.

The waiter handed Ed his plate first—of course—and Ed dove in immediately, moaning as the meat melted on his tongue. Roy knew the feeling. "Fuck, this is so good."

Roy smirked, cutting into his own meat. "Glad you have good taste in food. Don't know what I'd do otherwise."

Ed snorted, giving him a teasing glance that had Roy's heart pounding for entirely different reasons. What was wrong with him today…

God, he wished it was just the two of them. He wished he could reach over and rest his hand over Ed's and say disgustingly romantic things until Ed blushed a furious red to match the wine and told him to shut up. But Roy would know he secretly liked it, because the soul bond had let him know. It had always let him know so many things Ed kept hidden, and he hadn't appreciated that enough, he hadn't taken full advantage of it.

And now only a quiet void remained. Now he was left wondering if that waiter made Ed blush because he caused those same feelings that Roy caused…

He ate more of his food, slowly and meticulously, half an ear on the casual conversation around him.

Ed laughed at something stupid Breda said, and Roy paused at the sound, looking up from his food and seeing the pure joy on Ed's face as he grinned at Breda, shoving Havoc teasingly. "You two are fucking gross!"

Affection burst through him as he watched Ed, his eyes crinkling as he grinned, his ponytail flowing smoothly over his shoulder as he moved, Roy's shirt hugging him in all the right places. It warmed him whole, until it almost fully stole his breath away.

But it was more than just affection, wasn't it? He never noticed so many little things about people, not like this, not until the simple act of smiling had his heart doing summersaults in his chest.

This feeling…it made him want to walk over to Ed, cup his face and kiss him gently, regardless of who was watching. It made him want to be so disgustingly romantic. It made him want to tell the whole world that he, Roy Mustang, had somehow managed to attract the attention of Edward Elric. It made him want to let the whole world know that Ed was his.

God, it couldn't be. It couldn't be Ed. He was…Brash, and crude, and stubborn. But he was also gorgeous, and kind, and smart, and funny.

But he spent all of Roy's money. He ate all his food. He had a voracious sexual appetite. He pulled Roy's hair until it hurt. He left bite marks all over his body and was proud of them. He snored sometimes, just a bit.

It was Ed. He wasn't even twenty yet, never mind thirty. Roy was ancient compared to him. He wouldn't be ready to settle down—who would at nineteen? Roy could never make him stay. He was an Elric, and he learned really early on that Elrics couldn't sit still.

He'd have to watch as Ed slowly got bored of him, he'd have to watch Ed eventually be with someone else.

Ed would leave. And Roy would crumble so fast, so hard, because he was so devastatingly, hopelessly in love with him.

Ed turned to him then, the wide smile still on his face, and Roy didn't know how anyone could be on the receiving end of that smile and not end up in the same predicament Roy had found himself in.

He thought he'd never be stupid enough to think of forever. But he had, however subconsciously. How had it crept up on his like this?

He didn't want Ed for as long as Ed wanted him. He wanted him forever. And anything less than that would break him in ways he wasn't sure he would ever be able to fix.

And it struck him, then, that this was what the bond had wanted all along. For him and Ed to fall in love—to be truly, hopelessly in love to the point where the thought of not being together was agony. For their souls to never be denied each other again.

It all seemed so painfully obvious in hindsight. Shan Young had tried to tell them, but he'd dismissed her. He'd overthought the particulars of the bond so much, getting lost in the minute alchemical details, that he'd missed the whole point; all it wanted, all it was made to do, was to bring him and Ed closer. To force them to get closer. To make it so they could no longer avoid their feelings for each other. She'd used the word love, but he'd confused it with lust.

It made sense; the dreams, the forced close proximity, the ability to feel each other's emotions—they had all been tools to get them closer to each other, to force them to open up in such a raw way, and to fall in love, truly, fully, devastatingly.

Roy had dreamt more because of his resistance, all his repressed feelings and experiences, his struggles, his outright denial that he could ever fall for Ed. He had demons he had never told anyone about, had hid deep, deep inside him. Until the bond had ripped him open ruthlessly, unapologetically, just so Ed could witness him whole.

But if that was designed to make Ed fall in love with him…It'd had a much different effect; witnessing Ed being so kind to him, so accepting of the horrors he'd seen and committed, had made Roy fall in love with him.

Ed was so easy to love. Roy wasn't.

And this was the result of the bond. This was how it had broken Roy down, slowly, deliberately, and now here he was. Stranded.

The bond hadn't cared about their lives. It hadn't cared about society, and about plans and goals and lifestyles. It had only cared about fulfilling the very basic thing it had been created for. But Roy cared about all those other things, and had neglected his soul enough to not particularly care what it wanted. But now he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, because Ed wasn't in love with him, and never would be.

Maybe that was why they hadn't broken the bond in these three months. Because Ed hadn't fallen in love with him. Because Ed was young, with his whole life ahead of him, and Roy would just hold him back if he made him stay.

Ed was still looking at him, but the smile was gone, in its place a soft, concerned frown. His gaze moved to Roy's side, where Riza was sitting, and then moved back over to Roy.

God, what was he doing? He couldn't have Ed, not for the long term, not in the way he'd deluded himself he could.

His food had turned to a solid rock in his stomach. He cleared his throat, dabbing his mouth with a napkin as he mumbled, "Excuse me for a moment." It probably hadn't been loud enough for anyone other than Ed and Hawkeye to hear, but it didn't matter.

He rushed to the bathroom while trying to appear like he wasn't rushing at all. His hands were clammy and freezing cold as he locked himself in a stall. He sat down on the toilet lid and focused on taking deep breaths.

He wasn't hyperventilating. He felt weirdly calm, numb, dissociated. But his hands were trembling, and the lump in his throat was unrelenting.

He was in love with Edward Elric.

How had that happened? How had he allowed himself to fall under someone else's control so viciously? Because that was what had happened; he would do anything for Ed. Anything Ed wanted, whether it was detrimental to Roy or not.

He had to hide yet another thing, now. But how could he hide this? Ed would see right through him, surely—

But would he? Maybe if the soul bond had still been intact, but now…He could hide things again, keep certain things private. He could keep doing what he and Ed were doing, and pretend he'd never had this realisation.

But keeping this going would only prolong the inevitable. With every moment he got to have Ed in his arms, the pain that would follow in his absence would be crueler, more gut-wrenching.

But letting him go now…It made him feel violently ill.

The door to the bathroom creaked open, and Roy held his breath, pretended he wasn't in here.

After a second of complete silence, Ed's voice said, "I know you're in here."

Roy's breath left him in a whoosh, which Ed definitely heard. He was in front of the stall door in a heartbeat.

When Roy didn't say anything, he asked, "Can I come in?"

Roy leaned back, resting his back against the wall. His hands were still so cold. He thought to say something witty, something sassy, but his brain wasn't working. It kept getting stuck on the in love with Edward Elric part.

Wordlessly, he leaned forward and unlocked the door. It swung open on creaky hinges, and Ed blinked down at him. His brows furrowed in that concerned expression he now liked to grace Roy with as he entered the stall and locked the door behind him.

He dropped to his knees, placing his hands on Roy's thighs. "What happened?"

What a loaded question. One Roy couldn't answer, not truthfully. But he couldn't just dismiss it, either. Not when his hands were still shaking, bone white and cold, and he couldn't take a full breath. He didn't even want to know what his face looked like.

"I…" His tongue felt heavy. He wasn't sure what he even started to say. He had no excuse, no thought-out plan for what had just happened. The only thing on his mind was the truth, but he couldn't. He couldn't.

Ed's golden eyes searched his face, and Roy crumbled under the intensity of that gaze—all of a sudden he couldn't take in a single breath, and that was when he started hyperventilating.

"Hey, hey," Ed said, slightly panicked and looking completely lost, but trying his best and it was all Roy would ever want. "Breathe, remember?"

Roy shut his eyes and focused on his breath—and how fucking embarrassing that Ed was seeing him like this again.

Ed's warmth enveloped him, his scent wrapping around him in what felt like complete safety as Ed wrapped his arms around his neck. Roy's face buried itself in his throat, inhaling lungfuls of Ed.

Bits of his ponytail were tickling Roy's face, his fingers threading through Roy's hair, softly massaging his scalp as his other palm massaged his nape.

God, Roy loved him.

His arms felt like lead as they wrapped around Ed's slim frame, holding him close. His lips brushed against the delicate skin of his neck, and he couldn't resist, pecking it gently.

"I'm here," Ed mumbled, turning his head slightly—and then his lips were against Roy's neck, reciprocating the kiss. It was probably the cheesiest thing Ed had ever done, and Roy felt his lips twitching up in a sad excuse of a smile, and felt an urge to tease him about it, even now. But his heart was squeezing too hard to utter words.

It felt like they were in their own little world. Like they weren't actually in a restaurant bathroom, with Roy's entire team waiting for them outside, probably wondering what was going on. No, Roy didn't think about any of that; Riza would sort it, she always did. All Roy could focus on was Ed.

"For how long?" Roy found himself asking. His voice was muffled by Ed's neck, maybe he hadn't heard.

Ed pulled back, just slightly, to look at him. The bathroom lights assaulted Roy's eyes as he opened them, his small bubble of Ed suddenly broken and leaving him disoriented.

"What?"

Roy thought to say nothing. He though to say never mind. He thought to say thank you, let's go now. But he swallowed whatever saliva his dry mouth had left, and said, "How long will you be here for?"

Ed blinked at him, his face unusually blank. Roy wished they were soul bonded, so he'd know. But now he didn't know. "I…"

What kind of answer did one give to a question like that?

He shook his head, untangling himself from Ed. He was about to tell him never mind, that he didn't have to answer his weird, nonsensical questions, when Ed hesitantly answered, "As long as you want me to, I guess."

Roy smiled wryly. No, that wasn't true. Because Roy wanted him forever.

With a deep breath, he pulled himself together. Ed saw the change immediately, straightening up and tensing, just slightly. "Let's go rejoin the others, shall we? They're probably wondering where we've gone."

Ed looked at him for a second longer before he got to his feet, nodding as he unlocked the stall door.