Disclaimer: not mine, I'm making no money. It all belongs to Hiro Mashima.
Inner thoughts
It was frustrating, he mused, head thrown backwards and resting on the wooden pillar behind him. He sighed deeply and his unhappiness was almost tangible. Just because he wasn't prone to gush about his feelings didn't necessarily mean they were inexistent. Their poor opinion of him rested heavily on his heart and even if he wasn't the sort to brood and dwell on unpleasantness, he was subject to sadness and vexation as much as anyone.
He had taken advantage of Happy's absence and sought refuge in his home. Today, he couldn't take Mira's watchful eye nor Erza's impassioned speech or disappointed glare. He loved her to bits but she was in the wrong. He wasn't at fault and she was in absolutely no position to give her opinion on the matter or, god forbid, any advice given her own unsatisfactory love life.
Despite popular belief, he was neither dense nor unaware. He simply had never given his view nor expressed his feelings to the whole Guild. And wasn't it his prerogative? Who said he had to offload his sentiments? He was perfectly capable of dealing with it on his own and at his own pace.
He wasn't blind: she was a gorgeous girl. He should know as he had seen her naked several times both accidentally and deliberately. He was also not immune to her curvaceous figure but respected her enough not to make his physical reaction noticed. He was not an idiot either and understood perfectly well what Lucy meant to him. She sure was his partner and friend but she was also much more. From their very first encounter, he had discovered she was a good and kind person. Her generosity coupled with her obvious adoration for the Guild and the fact they met twice in the same day fighting the same fraud had sealed her fate as part of his chosen family. Something in her had appealed to him, drawn him to her and he had, for the first time ever, suggested a new member for Fairy Tail. He had moped after Lisanna's disappearance and Lucy had brought a sound-and-light show. She had touched him and stirred something deep inside his soul. From then on, it had been a smooth sail. They were very compatible and their relation was easy-going. Her bubbly personality matched well with his own carefree approach to life. She was sensitive and openly showed her emotions. She could cry a river or laugh uproariously and it echoed with his own optimistic nature. His pranks made her laugh and it never failed to warm him. From their very first meeting onward, he had always felt very protective of her, no matter her own strengths and courage. Lucy was fiery and beautiful and he loved her deeply. He had never tried to hide it.
The fact everyone in the Guild seemed convinced he was unsuspecting of his own feelings hurt. Did they really believe him to be an idiot? They trampled his pride each and every time they looked at him as if he was a bumbling imbecile. He was very perceptive. Lucy had never expressed a desire to upgrade their relation to dating. He should know because when he had tried to kiss her, she had denied him. Igneel had taught him better than to impose himself on her and he respected her too much for such a blatant assault on her. He was not about to ruin the friendship they had going on either. If she wasn't ready for more then he would wait her out no matter the heartache it unavoidably inflict. He could hold on until she figured it out.
However he had counted on his friends' support to alleviate the pain or at least to offer a compassionate ear. It had been an abysmal idea and he squashed again the hope and resentment both with renewed anger. First, they had not even realized he was perfectly mindful of his own heart and as a consequence they were not the least bit sympathetic. Then he was the one deemed unaware. He scoffed. Grey and Juvia were so hopelessly in love it was sickening and Grey's unfair treatment of her grated deeply on his nerve. He would never treat Lucy so lowly. He always made sure she was alright and feeling happy. She was the first he talked to at the Guild, made sure she had money for her flat, picked the missions most interesting for her and made her laugh when she felt down. Why Grey would not do the same for Juvia was beyond him but he had stopped trying to understand him and resigned himself to a contrary view on life in general. Erza and Jellal were simply ludicrous. Mira was watching him like a mother but her own love life was either non-existent or secret. He suspected her to have an affair with Luxus but it wasn't his place to meddle so he didn't. Potentially, he couldn't deny Gajil to share his opinion but the dragon-slayer wasn't about to patronize him as he was pathologically shy and tight-lipped about the matter. Really, none of them was in a position to judge but they did it anyway and that angered him.
They called him immature because he had never dated a girl. But why would he ask out a girl if she wasn't the one he liked? It didn't matter to him to make a point. He had never expressed a disinterest either but he didn't care about any other girl. His lack of relationship was not a reflection of disregard but of patience. Lucy didn't seem willing to pursue an amorous relationship with him and he intended to respect her space and barriers. And as far as he knew, she wasn't seeing anyone. Hasn't been for a long time indeed nor was she trying to despite her despondent whining to Mira. He should know because she always smelled less like him when she was dating. She seemed content with the way things were between them and even if he would be blissfully gleeful with more, he could work with how things were at this point in time. No-one in the Guild would ever approach Lucy with a romantic interest out of deference to him except Loke but her relation with her spirit was very special and he felt no jealousy, envy or irritation towards him. His arm over her shoulders had staked his claim enough, as misogynistic as it sounded. When she was threatened, he was not thinking straight and rage erupted on his fists. With her in his arms, he felt feverish. When her hand was in his, he suspected he glowed with pleasure and love.
He cared for her in every way he could conceive of and even more. They disagreed and fought occasionally but usually patched things up as quickly. He could never stay mad at her nor she at him. She always paid attention to him in her own way. She showed him unwavering trust -from her emotions to her very life. She sought solace from him and he would invariably made it a point to have her laugh and smile again. She would cuddle against him and share her joys with him. She would always have food left-over in her fridge for him and never seriously kicked him out of her flat. Despite her half-hearted shrieks she let him rummage in her drawers where she hid some very racy lingerie as he discovered once. They shared more than friendship and had been for years. Lucy was beautiful and he delighted in watching her as she waltzed in front of him, hands tied behind her back, her blond hair flowing over her back, her long legs marking the rhythm of their walk, flashing her beguiling smile to him from time to time as she made sure he was still there. They had been very intimate from the start, touching freely and demonstrating affection openly. It felt so natural neither ever questioned it. She would squeeze the life out of him, cuddle, occasionally hold hands and even fondle him on occasion. Not that he complained mind you. So, honestly, who was the oblivious one?
He sighed again. His frustration had barely waned. Sometimes his patience ran thin and he despaired about her unawareness of his feelings. He had made them blatant. He even sneaked in her bed at night and drew comfort from her smell and the pleasant warmth of her body nestled against his when he couldn't suffer the wait any more. She wore his clothes regularly and he had to admit an instinctual pride and contentment finding his smell upon her. Of course, he could still confess but he wasn't keen on rejection and it would inevitably change the way they interact, causing a rift even temporarily. He wasn't looking forward to that and refused to tempt fate. Going on missions without her was a bleak perspective and having Lucy uncomfortable around him simply unbearable. Adding insult to injury, the different hawks at the Guild living their own life through proxy would stick their nose in their private business and meddle, only managing to make things worse given their own much more desperate love-life.
Thudding his head backwards once in frustration, he growled softly. That girl would be the death of him. Maybe their friends should direct their glares to her instead. She was the bumbling, ignorant, oblivious and in-denial moron, not him. But she was his blundering, immature, unaware and in-denial moron. And one day soon, he would kiss her senseless.